Jennifer Tilly
Appearances
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#2776 RHOBH S1417 Part One: Bird Brained Carnies
So she's like, well, the Pacific, you know, that was at home. I don't go to the Atlantic. We got a few trips there off a few burn victims. You know, I've been to the Caribbean a few times. It's the warmest water and that came from royalty's off a gas explosion.
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#2776 RHOBH S1417 Part One: Bird Brained Carnies
And the fox is like, oh my God, there's too many of you.
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#2776 RHOBH S1417 Part One: Bird Brained Carnies
You know, obviously I'm Sutton's friend, so I'm going to have Sutton's back, and I'm not going to be like, Eric is right, but you need to examine your own behavior, little missy, because I'm on her side. You know, I'm really kind of astonished at how much girls don't like you, Sutton.
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#2776 RHOBH S1417 Part One: Bird Brained Carnies
Well, do you think you're going to be able to have a good time tonight?
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#2776 RHOBH S1417 Part One: Bird Brained Carnies
So Erica is like, oh my God, you know, in the sense of sisterhood, I thought we could bring everything to the table. So I said what I had to say on the boat. But, you know, I don't have any ill will towards Sutton. I'd like for Sutton to acknowledge what's going on. And that's it.
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#2776 RHOBH S1417 Part One: Bird Brained Carnies
So Jennifer Tilly's like, well, it almost seemed very rehearsed because Erica was like, like a lawyer in the court that all of their points prepped out. I think there's an alliance between some of the ladies. And when Erica and Dorico after one person and they dovetail together, I think they planned it.
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#2776 RHOBH S1417 Part One: Bird Brained Carnies
I saw Sutton running into the bedroom.
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#2776 RHOBH S1417 Part One: Bird Brained Carnies
So Garcelle is like, you know, Jennifer's saying, well, it seems like Sutton just really wants Kyle to like her.
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#2776 RHOBH S1417 Part One: Bird Brained Carnies
And Jennifer's like, it's like a bad relationship or a bad marriage. You think that they've accepted the apology and you've moved on and you're in a different place. And then to have it all thrown back in your face and not even get a piece of a cartoon empire. It's just very hurtful.
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#2776 RHOBH S1417 Part One: Bird Brained Carnies
Sorry if it hurt your feelings, but unfortunately I'm carrying the weight of all these hundred thousand dollar bags right now. And I don't have time to worry about it. Poor person. I'll donate to plan the parenthood or something later.
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#2776 RHOBH S1417 Part One: Bird Brained Carnies
And then Erica is like, well, don't you remember what Sutton did to Kyle?
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#2776 RHOBH S1417 Part One: Bird Brained Carnies
Hey, person, once you have the words of toxic influences, Sutton needs whatever that is. Oh, I'm sorry. You're making Sutton back away. Okay, we need it to be a little bit less strong than that. I need Sutton to actually be able to stay in the room.
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#2776 RHOBH S1417 Part One: Bird Brained Carnies
Sutton, I went over to go say hi to Bills, and we walked in the room, and I kind of felt like we were ambushed, you know, and I said, well, Sutton's a little bit upset. She goes, well, why did you say that? I was going to play it cool tonight. I mean, look at me. She's playing it cool.
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#2776 RHOBH S1417 Part One: Bird Brained Carnies
You know, they were all standing there looking at me like, what's going on?
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#2776 RHOBH S1417 Part One: Bird Brained Carnies
I got divorced on this show. I went through my worst period on this show.
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#2776 RHOBH S1417 Part One: Bird Brained Carnies
And Jennifer Tilly comes over with a glass of water. She's like, here, sweetie, here's the water.
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#2742 RHOBH S1413 Part One: Caviar Taste on a Doritos Budget
You know, first of all, we are going to do a table, like put a bunch of tables close together. That'd be great if you could do that. Thank you so much. I kept the tapes. Oh yeah, that's wonderful. And like, okay, I'm not really a caviar connoisseur and I guess this is really crass of me, but I tried to order the most expensive caviar on the menu because I figure it's probably the best.
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#2742 RHOBH S1413 Part One: Caviar Taste on a Doritos Budget
I don't know what it tastes like, but it's expensive, so whatever.
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#2742 RHOBH S1413 Part One: Caviar Taste on a Doritos Budget
Uh, yeah. Um, the only thing I don't like are the little orange caviars. They always remind me of the little fish bait, and coincidentally, I think they're the cheapest caviar on the menu, so as long as I order the most caviar, most expensive caviar, I'm actually fine.
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#2742 RHOBH S1413 Part One: Caviar Taste on a Doritos Budget
So I just got back from Sardinia. I was at the Dolce & Gabbana Ultimate Fashion Show. And so Sutton and I used to go all the time. But we love Dolce & Gabbana, guys. And they are sort of like family for us. And I have a lot of Dolce & Gabbana jewelry. But then I can't pick it up until I get paid off. So I always have a little bit of a layaway plan.
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#2742 RHOBH S1413 Part One: Caviar Taste on a Doritos Budget
We love them, you know?
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#2742 RHOBH S1413 Part One: Caviar Taste on a Doritos Budget
Remember when Christian gave you that Cartier bracelet? I was so jealous. And the earrings that you have too. This is my way of reminding you that you were with a billionaire and it was the worst time of your life. Okay, so moving on.
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#2742 RHOBH S1413 Part One: Caviar Taste on a Doritos Budget
Your Honor, I would like to appeal to the court and to the jury and say that I am innocent and it is the median that should be investigated. You know, and I will not rest. I understand I have to do my civil service and I will go to jail like so many martyrs before me.
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#2742 RHOBH S1413 Part One: Caviar Taste on a Doritos Budget
Well, it was a bit traumatic. Okay. Okay. First of all, yeah, you seem like you have a little bit post-traumatic stress syndrome. Yeah, I got it the first time when you said I seem traumatized. You don't have to elaborate.
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#2742 RHOBH S1413 Part One: Caviar Taste on a Doritos Budget
But when I get out of this facility, I will spend every waking minute wondering who was the median that did this to me and how can we stop it from doing it to other people?
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#2742 RHOBH S1413 Part One: Caviar Taste on a Doritos Budget
So the first time you're going to see her is at my caviar kaftan party. And she's like, yes, at your beautiful caviar kaftan party. Oh, I guess we'll see how that goes.
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#2742 RHOBH S1413 Part One: Caviar Taste on a Doritos Budget
When the officer, the kind officer, asked me to say the alphabet backwards, well, of course I didn't do that correctly because it is, as an artist, it is up for me to interpret what an alphabet even is, and I refuse to be jailed for having artistic integrity.
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#2742 RHOBH S1413 Part One: Caviar Taste on a Doritos Budget
Where are you going? She's like, oh, so Jennifer Tilly, she's hosting all the ladies at Caviar Caspia. They're like, oh my God, fun, quiet luxury. Wow. Quiet.
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#2742 RHOBH S1413 Part One: Caviar Taste on a Doritos Budget
And Dorit's like, oh, no, I can't grip this ball to save my life, Jaggy. And he's like, stupid mother. And he's like, no, it's just not easy with long nails.
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#2742 RHOBH S1413 Part One: Caviar Taste on a Doritos Budget
So now we have Trixie Monaco going, all I know is we gonna get it. We gonna kill it.
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#2742 RHOBH S1413 Part One: Caviar Taste on a Doritos Budget
Hello, everyone. Hi. Oh, so I just called me Miss Glamorama. I hear you guys have been, um, you guys have some ideas for the, uh, caviar. So, please let me know. You know, Caviar Caspia is, like, the perfect place to have a party. I love caftans, and I love caviar, so I love Caviar Caspia.
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#2769 RHOBH S1416: Catamaran Got Your Tongue
And I think that if you had at any point, maybe had said that at some point, if you really felt sorry, if you didn't have to wait this long to have it pried out of you. And she's like, well, I'm doing it now. Well, you're very passive aggressive about it.
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#2769 RHOBH S1416: Catamaran Got Your Tongue
Well, Dorit is not going to think Sutton is genuine at this point, and I don't blame her. Sutton does a lot of things, apologizes for them, and then we as a group are left wondering, which was true, the low blow or the apology? You just don't know. It's a mind game. I'm in a magic mirror. I can't see which way is right.
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#2769 RHOBH S1416: Catamaran Got Your Tongue
he spun around and he was lying in a ditch.
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#2769 RHOBH S1416: Catamaran Got Your Tongue
Snow White? Hello, Snow White! How are you, Snow White? How are you?
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#2769 RHOBH S1416: Catamaran Got Your Tongue
Does this look real, by the way? Does anybody fall in for this bullshit?
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#2769 RHOBH S1416: Catamaran Got Your Tongue
And so she's like, well, how do you feel, Sutton? Because I really feel like you guys made a little progress today. No? No. Okay. Your eyes are slitting and they're turning red and green. Okay. Christmas is canceled. Damn those puppies. I get it. I get it. I'll just be sitting over here quietly.
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#2769 RHOBH S1416: Catamaran Got Your Tongue
I think that's like maybe move the needle a little bit.
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#2769 RHOBH S1416: Catamaran Got Your Tongue
You know, saying, oh, look at this thirst trap.
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#2769 RHOBH S1416: Catamaran Got Your Tongue
110. She's like, oh, good. Well, I'm 128 to 130, and that's it. Just us seven ladies obsessing over calories together, aren't we, besties?
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#2769 RHOBH S1416: Catamaran Got Your Tongue
Sometimes I think she's not quite sure who I am.
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#2769 RHOBH S1416: Catamaran Got Your Tongue
you know what i've noticed by the way you look great i love the earrings on you your hat's wonderful you just look better than ever but you know what i've noticed you are very critical and sometimes very not you're just not the most compassionate to women that are going through the worst time in their lives and i felt it with myself it sounds like
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#2769 RHOBH S1416: Catamaran Got Your Tongue
She's like, you know, I've had enough of sitting back and watching Sutton, Strack's fake apologies, fake sisterhood.
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#2769 RHOBH S1416: Catamaran Got Your Tongue
I want to help you. I feel bad for you.
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#2769 RHOBH S1416: Catamaran Got Your Tongue
Oh, she wants a jury of beers. I'm telling you, she does have a drinking problem.
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#2769 RHOBH S1416: Catamaran Got Your Tongue
And she goes, oh, I was just playing a bitch.
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#2769 RHOBH S1416: Catamaran Got Your Tongue
Please. Handpicking. I don't get it.
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#2769 RHOBH S1416: Catamaran Got Your Tongue
Last week on Crazy Yacht from Hell.
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#2769 RHOBH S1416: Catamaran Got Your Tongue
I had a scene in Broadway where I stood up in a bathtub and I was a full frontal nude.
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#2769 RHOBH S1416: Catamaran Got Your Tongue
So I stood up in the bubble bath and the bubble slid off of me and he said, but the bubbles fell. English people are hilarious. Well, then I realized he had actually never seen me standing up. And so walking around naked before, he had never seen it. Because I would go into the bathroom and we had a very good sex life.
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#2769 RHOBH S1416: Catamaran Got Your Tongue
And I would lay down and arrange myself in a very attractive position and turn the lights down low. And then I would be like, I am ready.
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#2769 RHOBH S1416: Catamaran Got Your Tongue
And I have felt in the last few months that you've been, in particular, very mean-spirited to me. I kept thinking to myself, gee, a lot of little jabs coming my way. Gee, gee, gee.
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#2769 RHOBH S1416: Catamaran Got Your Tongue
That's what I feel. She just doesn't really understand what that means.
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#2769 RHOBH S1416: Catamaran Got Your Tongue
yeah but i think she means that well she says every time and so that's so that's where it gets confusing because it's like okay well sometimes if you mean what you say and sometimes it feels sincere and sometimes it's very earnest and she's like i was sincere yeah hold on let me finish let me finish hold on my my hat's flopping all over the place i love the erica's hat she's like let me finish
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#2658 RHOBH S1405 Part One: Into the Lion’s Denim
No, she wants wine. There's a bottle of wine in there, just half a glass, because she'll drink the whole thing.
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#2658 RHOBH S1405 Part One: Into the Lion’s Denim
yeah so um they see kyle coming and she rings the doorbell so jennifer is like oh okay jeff pretend that you're my butler it's gonna be so hilarious
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#2658 RHOBH S1405 Part One: Into the Lion’s Denim
She goes, no, you're Jeff the butler.
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#2658 RHOBH S1405 Part One: Into the Lion’s Denim
I did this, you're not the only one who thinks that they're pretending to be Kathy Hilton.
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#2658 RHOBH S1405 Part One: Into the Lion’s Denim
Well, this is my party house. I actually live next door.
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#2658 RHOBH S1405 Part One: Into the Lion’s Denim
And she tells us, I have lots of properties. I have a property in Las Vegas because my boyfriend and I are professional poker players.
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#2658 RHOBH S1405 Part One: Into the Lion’s Denim
They're like, nah, I'm smellier. I ain't afraid of you, you loser.
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#2658 RHOBH S1405 Part One: Into the Lion’s Denim
And then Jennifer's like, oh, am I gonna bet everything? I'm gonna put everything I have into the pot. Let's see.
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#2658 RHOBH S1405 Part One: Into the Lion’s Denim
Oh, darn. I guess I didn't get that one. Guess I was bluffing. Oh, God.
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#2658 RHOBH S1405 Part One: Into the Lion’s Denim
Tiffany's a little bit of an alcoholic.
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#2658 RHOBH S1405 Part One: Into the Lion’s Denim
Oh, sure, John Paul. That's fine.
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#2658 RHOBH S1405 Part One: Into the Lion’s Denim
These glasses are fabulous, but they don't really hold much, much like Kyle.
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#2658 RHOBH S1405 Part One: Into the Lion’s Denim
And Jennifer Tilly's like, well, it was just nonstop when you and Dorit had that big blow up.
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#2658 RHOBH S1405 Part One: Into the Lion’s Denim
But I guess I felt like it cleared the air a little where you were like talking about how you felt. And then she was talking about how she felt. And then another woman started talking, but she had salmon in her hand. So I was really just listening to her, to be honest with you.
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#2658 RHOBH S1405 Part One: Into the Lion’s Denim
You know, you're lucky with everything that's happening with PK and I that you're just tired from there because I should say it's as bad as I could because I'm sure it can get worse. It can get worse, Erica. Erica's like, oh, yeah, it could get way worse. It's going to get way, way worse.
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#2658 RHOBH S1405 Part One: Into the Lion’s Denim
um and erica's like i can't imagine how hard it is to separate with children i was one of those children i remember my mom got divorced she got separated not once but twice you could try to hide but they feel it they're in the house they know they know when you're walking late to their children's recital you judge them silently while you're just trying to sing a little christmas song so
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#2658 RHOBH S1405 Part One: Into the Lion’s Denim
still traumatized by that bitch. I'm never gonna forgive her. Oh, sorry, Dorit, this is about you.
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#2658 RHOBH S1405 Part One: Into the Lion’s Denim
Sarah was like, well, did you see the pictures from her trip on Instagram? It was pretty amazing. You know, she went with her daughter. She just looks so special. She's just very, very special.
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#2658 RHOBH S1405 Part One: Into the Lion’s Denim
So then back at Dorit's, Erica's like, well, at least I had the balls to say to Kyle that's different than what I heard the other night. Whatever my comment, at least I said it. And Sutton's looking at me, well, fuck you. At least I said it.
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#2658 RHOBH S1405 Part One: Into the Lion’s Denim
And she goes, it belonged to Cher.
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#2658 RHOBH S1405 Part One: Into the Lion’s Denim
Commercials. Here comes one right now.
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#2658 RHOBH S1405 Part One: Into the Lion’s Denim
I mean, she's like, bring your water, bring your pool of water with fluoride. Let's go in here and talk about my dreams.
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#2658 RHOBH S1405 Part One: Into the Lion’s Denim
So Erica's like, yeah, well, where I lived, where I moved in, it was just horrible because I could step outside and there was paparazzi everywhere taking my picture, taking my picture. Can I get a Taco Bell in peace? Can a woman have a depressing binge on Taco Bell from Dornash in peace? Jesus Christ.
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#2658 RHOBH S1405 Part One: Into the Lion’s Denim
Look who's eating Taco Bell again. Pfft.
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#2658 RHOBH S1405 Part One: Into the Lion’s Denim
I don't wanna design, I want a house, I want a house.
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#2658 RHOBH S1405 Part One: Into the Lion’s Denim
It's like, well, can you get a drink for Tiffany, too? She needs something to drink.
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#2717 RHOBH S1410 Part One: Shock and Augusta
Because you know Jennifer is like, oh my God, what a lovely doll that you've got here. What's her name? Reba. Put some champagne in her hands. Hey, hit her on the head with this purse that's shaped like a bow. Dolls love that. Ow!
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#2717 RHOBH S1410 Part One: Shock and Augusta
I'd love to show you one of the films I've starred in. It's called Bound.
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#2717 RHOBH S1410 Part One: Shock and Augusta
And then he writes back, I'm at your friend's wedding. Have a nice day. Have a nice day.
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#2717 RHOBH S1410 Part One: Shock and Augusta
yeah it's called the recoil idiot i'm like oh god you have to be so strong for one of these take me home and carl's like
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#2717 RHOBH S1410 Part One: Shock and Augusta
But every time she's like, all I think about is PK.
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#2717 RHOBH S1410 Part One: Shock and Augusta
It's not like I got a hook on Sunset for it or nothing.
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#2797 RHOBH Live in Boston: Meme Streets of Bel Air
Hello, hello. Hi, hello. Hello, gorgeous ladies.
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#2797 RHOBH Live in Boston: Meme Streets of Bel Air
And she just goes up to Satin and is like, oh, hello, Satin. You look like a Disney princess that's been dehydrated in a dehydrator and just sort of left out in the sun. It looks beautiful.
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#2797 RHOBH Live in Boston: Meme Streets of Bel Air
And then... My favorite part of the whole show is when I get to walk in slow motion. That's one of my special skills.
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#2797 RHOBH Live in Boston: Meme Streets of Bel Air
It's interesting because I find that more people are terrified of Kyle Richards than they ever were of Chucky.
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#2797 RHOBH Live in Boston: Meme Streets of Bel Air
It's very different to be in it. It's very, very real, Andy.
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#2797 RHOBH Live in Boston: Meme Streets of Bel Air
She's like, oh, wow, they're really fighting.
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#2797 RHOBH Live in Boston: Meme Streets of Bel Air
So she's like, oh, yeah, you know, I just, I have no idea. I was such a show-off. That was rough.
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#2797 RHOBH Live in Boston: Meme Streets of Bel Air
She's just like, I accidentally got rich by fucking an ugly guy for a while, and now I just wear it all over me, and...
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#2797 RHOBH Live in Boston: Meme Streets of Bel Air
Cole Porter commissioned it from Jeweler Flateau for his wife, Linda Lee Porter, who was a famous fashionista. And so once it came up, and I was too poor to buy it, so then I got rich, and then I bought it.
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#2797 RHOBH Live in Boston: Meme Streets of Bel Air
It's my favorite. It's my favorite cheese, Andy. It's got so many holes.
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#2797 RHOBH Live in Boston: Meme Streets of Bel Air
She goes, I was a little snarky. It's what you get when your purse is so heavy all the time.
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#2797 RHOBH Live in Boston: Meme Streets of Bel Air
All right, well, I want to do a preemptive apology. So, to read, I know that that must have upset you. And, you know, but it is very expensive. And I thought he was in a bungalow, which is $25,000 a night. It's about as much as my neck at the moment.
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#2797 RHOBH Live in Boston: Meme Streets of Bel Air
That was tacky of me. You should never criticize poor people in front of them. Right, Sutton?
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#2797 RHOBH Live in Boston: Meme Streets of Bel Air
So she's like, well, I have a big mouth, and I didn't even know I said something bad until Garcelle said, exclaimed, whoa.
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#2797 RHOBH Live in Boston: Meme Streets of Bel Air
So, do you think that Sutton is on anxiety medication? What's wrong with Sutton?
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#2797 RHOBH Live in Boston: Meme Streets of Bel Air
Jennifer totally just goes, obviously.
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#2797 RHOBH Live in Boston: Meme Streets of Bel Air
All right, so we open with part two, with the arrival of... Hello, it's me, Jennifer Tilly, and my first Housewives reunion.
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#2797 RHOBH Live in Boston: Meme Streets of Bel Air
So she comes in and she's like, hello, good day, good to see you. Do they have donuts here? I could really use some donuts.