Jay Shetty

But the reason I brought it up is I was talking to people about how we have two mindsets when it comes to dating and finding love. One is we have a passive mindset. Oh, it will happen when it happens. Oh, you know, I'm not really looking for it. It will just appear. And secretly, deep down, we're really scared and insecure. But we have this passive exterior.

But the reason I brought it up is I was talking to people about how we have two mindsets when it comes to dating and finding love. One is we have a passive mindset. Oh, it will happen when it happens. Oh, you know, I'm not really looking for it. It will just appear. And secretly, deep down, we're really scared and insecure. But we have this passive exterior.

Exactly. And then the second thing we have, I was telling this group, is that you have a pressure-filled mindset. So the pressure is, oh my God, everyone's got engaged. Oh my God, everyone's got married. Oh my God, everyone's having kids. Oh my God, everyone's dating. Oh my God, everyone's on vacation. So now it's like desperation. How will being passive or feeling pressure ever, ever attract love?

Exactly. And then the second thing we have, I was telling this group, is that you have a pressure-filled mindset. So the pressure is, oh my God, everyone's got engaged. Oh my God, everyone's got married. Oh my God, everyone's having kids. Oh my God, everyone's dating. Oh my God, everyone's on vacation. So now it's like desperation. How will being passive or feeling pressure ever, ever attract love?

Being passive doesn't attract love. Feeling pressure and desperation doesn't attract love. The state that attracts love is peace, or at least it attracts a peaceful love, which is what I think we all truly want. And so if you're passive, you'll attract a neglectful love. If you're desperate, you'll attract a weak love. But if you're peaceful, you attract a peaceful love.

Being passive doesn't attract love. Feeling pressure and desperation doesn't attract love. The state that attracts love is peace, or at least it attracts a peaceful love, which is what I think we all truly want. And so if you're passive, you'll attract a neglectful love. If you're desperate, you'll attract a weak love. But if you're peaceful, you attract a peaceful love.

And the reason I say this is if you were able to come up with all the reasons you don't want to be alone and find people to help with all of those feelings, you're now in a state of peace. That's why that's the answer that works.

And the reason I say this is if you were able to come up with all the reasons you don't want to be alone and find people to help with all of those feelings, you're now in a state of peace. That's why that's the answer that works.

Oh gosh, such a good question, Elise, honestly. I can think of like at least five people I know that are in that position. And everything I'm about to say, I want it to be noted that I'm saying it from a place of empathy and compassion because this isn't about judgment and it isn't about shame and it isn't about guilt. because I think often we feel that way.

Oh gosh, such a good question, Elise, honestly. I can think of like at least five people I know that are in that position. And everything I'm about to say, I want it to be noted that I'm saying it from a place of empathy and compassion because this isn't about judgment and it isn't about shame and it isn't about guilt. because I think often we feel that way.

We're scared of actually saying this to our friends because we're scared they'll judge us and say, we told you so. We're scared of telling our families because they'll say, I knew that guy wasn't right for you. And all of a sudden you feel shamed and guilted. And I always say to people, guilt blocks growth and shame blocks shifts. You're not going to get from guilt and shame to growth and shifting.

We're scared of actually saying this to our friends because we're scared they'll judge us and say, we told you so. We're scared of telling our families because they'll say, I knew that guy wasn't right for you. And all of a sudden you feel shamed and guilted. And I always say to people, guilt blocks growth and shame blocks shifts. You're not going to get from guilt and shame to growth and shifting.

It's just not gonna happen. So the reason we're chasing the wrong person is because we're running away from the right person, right? We've confused inconsistency with excitement and we've confused stability with boredom. We've confused attention with love And we've confused effort with desperation. If someone puts in effort, we see them as being desperate.

It's just not gonna happen. So the reason we're chasing the wrong person is because we're running away from the right person, right? We've confused inconsistency with excitement and we've confused stability with boredom. We've confused attention with love And we've confused effort with desperation. If someone puts in effort, we see them as being desperate.

If someone puts in time, we see them as being needy. If someone turns up and shows up we think they're the one who needs us because we've convinced ourselves that love is chasing someone rather than wanting someone who never wants to leave. We've convinced ourselves that this treadmill This rat race of convincing someone to stay is what love is.

If someone puts in time, we see them as being needy. If someone turns up and shows up we think they're the one who needs us because we've convinced ourselves that love is chasing someone rather than wanting someone who never wants to leave. We've convinced ourselves that this treadmill This rat race of convincing someone to stay is what love is.

And so I think the problem is we've created very unhealthy views of love. And by the way, I see this all the time. At that event that I was just talking about, one of the guys, he said to me, he said, why is it that when someone's putting effort, I feel like they're not attractive?

And so I think the problem is we've created very unhealthy views of love. And by the way, I see this all the time. At that event that I was just talking about, one of the guys, he said to me, he said, why is it that when someone's putting effort, I feel like they're not attractive?

And I said, because you're thinking about the next three to six months and not thinking about the next five to 10 years. I promise you in five to 10 years, you'll want someone who wants to sit with you and do nothing on the couch. In five to 10 years, you'll want someone who texts you every day to check in with how work is.

And I said, because you're thinking about the next three to six months and not thinking about the next five to 10 years. I promise you in five to 10 years, you'll want someone who wants to sit with you and do nothing on the couch. In five to 10 years, you'll want someone who texts you every day to check in with how work is.