Jay Shetty

And now what you're doing is creating stress for yourself and them. If you're not willing to wait three to 10 years, chances are it's not going to happen in three months, depending on what the change is. But I think a lot of us want things to happen in months that take years. And it's an unanswerable question because no one knows.

And now what you're doing is creating stress for yourself and them. If you're not willing to wait three to 10 years, chances are it's not going to happen in three months, depending on what the change is. But I think a lot of us want things to happen in months that take years. And it's an unanswerable question because no one knows.

And by the way, that person will always flip-flop because that's what change is like. Change isn't linear. It isn't in one direction. It's multi-direction and multifaceted and up and down. And so if you don't want to tolerate that, if you don't feel ready to do that, you're well within your rights to say, I can't do this. And I think...

And by the way, that person will always flip-flop because that's what change is like. Change isn't linear. It isn't in one direction. It's multi-direction and multifaceted and up and down. And so if you don't want to tolerate that, if you don't feel ready to do that, you're well within your rights to say, I can't do this. And I think...

It's so hard when we live our lives based on someone else's timeline. You can't. You'll always be chasing it or pressurizing it or pushing it.

It's so hard when we live our lives based on someone else's timeline. You can't. You'll always be chasing it or pressurizing it or pushing it.

Yes, absolutely. You're so right. And it's all about your level of tolerance and patience. And you being really clear about your timelines helps them be clear about theirs. If you say, hey, I'm willing to give this six months. I'm willing to give this 12 months. Let me put a timeline on it.

Yes, absolutely. You're so right. And it's all about your level of tolerance and patience. And you being really clear about your timelines helps them be clear about theirs. If you say, hey, I'm willing to give this six months. I'm willing to give this 12 months. Let me put a timeline on it.

For me, that's how much I'm willing to be in this uncertainty to figure this out with you, however you want me to help you, however you want to open up about it. But at that point, I have to make a decision for my future. And now you're not putting pressure on them saying, you have to have solved your problem. You're saying, that's how much time I'm giving myself.

For me, that's how much I'm willing to be in this uncertainty to figure this out with you, however you want me to help you, however you want to open up about it. But at that point, I have to make a decision for my future. And now you're not putting pressure on them saying, you have to have solved your problem. You're saying, that's how much time I'm giving myself.

And I think that's what we're looking for, but we're looking for it from them. And that person is not going to give you any clarity.

And I think that's what we're looking for, but we're looking for it from them. And that person is not going to give you any clarity.

Yes and no. So two things. The first is your tolerance of the memories, betrayal and pain. The question isn't, can you recover? The question is, are you okay with remembering? The question isn't, can you recover? The question is, can you make sure not to remind them? The question isn't, can you not recover? The question is, how do I stop myself from making that our reality?

Yes and no. So two things. The first is your tolerance of the memories, betrayal and pain. The question isn't, can you recover? The question is, are you okay with remembering? The question isn't, can you recover? The question is, can you make sure not to remind them? The question isn't, can you not recover? The question is, how do I stop myself from making that our reality?

You can always recover if you make those choices. And again, it comes back down to the person who didn't do the cheating or didn't do the mistake because it's you who actually have to live with it. And the same is true for that person. Can they live in a relationship where they always feel a sense of shame? Are they willing to rise even with a sense of guilt?

You can always recover if you make those choices. And again, it comes back down to the person who didn't do the cheating or didn't do the mistake because it's you who actually have to live with it. And the same is true for that person. Can they live in a relationship where they always feel a sense of shame? Are they willing to rise even with a sense of guilt?

Are they willing to try and change even though they carry that pain because they have a pain as well? And so it's such a together but independent thing because you're both having to tolerate and be patient about the same stuff but on different ends of the spectrum. One person's feeling shame and guilt

Are they willing to try and change even though they carry that pain because they have a pain as well? And so it's such a together but independent thing because you're both having to tolerate and be patient about the same stuff but on different ends of the spectrum. One person's feeling shame and guilt

and the other person's feeling pain and stress and a sense of worthlessness, potentially, for someone if it's been that deep. And it's all about how long we can tolerate those things for and move on. And that's not easy for both. And especially not for the person who actually was on the receiving end of it. But that's what's required of it.

and the other person's feeling pain and stress and a sense of worthlessness, potentially, for someone if it's been that deep. And it's all about how long we can tolerate those things for and move on. And that's not easy for both. And especially not for the person who actually was on the receiving end of it. But that's what's required of it.