Jay Shetty

And sadly, we don't have many good examples of people who've been through that transition because people turn it into a blame game.

And sadly, we don't have many good examples of people who've been through that transition because people turn it into a blame game.

I've seen his stuff on Instagram. Oh my God, he's so good.

I've seen his stuff on Instagram. Oh my God, he's so good.

I always say to people, use us and we, not you and me. So I've had couples that I've worked with write out what they want to say, and all of it is filled with you and me. You didn't do this. It made me feel like this. You always do this. You never think about me. So it's you and me, you and me, you and me. And I've asked them to change every you and me to us and we. Why? Because now we're a team.

I always say to people, use us and we, not you and me. So I've had couples that I've worked with write out what they want to say, and all of it is filled with you and me. You didn't do this. It made me feel like this. You always do this. You never think about me. So it's you and me, you and me, you and me. And I've asked them to change every you and me to us and we. Why? Because now we're a team.

If I say... Let's think about how we can get to where we want to be. Let's think about us at the center of this conversation. Let's think about how to protect us Now I'm not saying you need to be thinking about how to protect me. You should be thinking about how to make me happy. Well, then we're not a team anymore.

If I say... Let's think about how we can get to where we want to be. Let's think about us at the center of this conversation. Let's think about how to protect us Now I'm not saying you need to be thinking about how to protect me. You should be thinking about how to make me happy. Well, then we're not a team anymore.

Now I'm saying it's all your responsibility, it's all your accountability, and it's all on you. And by the way, I'm sitting over here feeling hurt, dejected, and down. Whereas now when I say, is this what we both want? Is this the kind of relationship that we both want to have? Do we want to create a space where both of us can grow? All of a sudden it's like, yes, we're doing this together.

Now I'm saying it's all your responsibility, it's all your accountability, and it's all on you. And by the way, I'm sitting over here feeling hurt, dejected, and down. Whereas now when I say, is this what we both want? Is this the kind of relationship that we both want to have? Do we want to create a space where both of us can grow? All of a sudden it's like, yes, we're doing this together.

Yes, we're a team. Yes, we're collaborating. And I think too many people are competing for power rather than collaborating to create power together. And that competition with your partner is the worst place to be. Because now you're trying to be right, not kind. Now you're trying to win, not win together. Now when you win, it means they lose. I always say this to people.

Yes, we're a team. Yes, we're collaborating. And I think too many people are competing for power rather than collaborating to create power together. And that competition with your partner is the worst place to be. Because now you're trying to be right, not kind. Now you're trying to win, not win together. Now when you win, it means they lose. I always say this to people.

If you win an argument, that means your partner lost. You both lost. If you win and they lose, you lose. If they win and you lose, you lose. You either win together or lose together because you're together. So us and we, not you and me solves that. And I recommend people write out what they're about to text, what they're about to say to their partner.

If you win an argument, that means your partner lost. You both lost. If you win and they lose, you lose. If they win and you lose, you lose. You either win together or lose together because you're together. So us and we, not you and me solves that. And I recommend people write out what they're about to text, what they're about to say to their partner.

And if you changed every you and me to us and we, it will transform the energy of the conversation.

And if you changed every you and me to us and we, it will transform the energy of the conversation.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Exactly. There's two words you want to take out of every argument.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Exactly. There's two words you want to take out of every argument.

Always and never because no one always does something and no one never does something We always have so much more gray and so much more in between but we're so tempted to just say you never do anything for me or you always forget to do the dishes and those statements make that person feel that you've invalidated any time that they actually followed through.

Always and never because no one always does something and no one never does something We always have so much more gray and so much more in between but we're so tempted to just say you never do anything for me or you always forget to do the dishes and those statements make that person feel that you've invalidated any time that they actually followed through.