James McCann
Appearances
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
The Thai people. I think they're the only ones who got their own monarchy. And the Japanese. That's it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Oh, there was a guy in Chicago. No. This is... All right. This is weird. But... They don't. There's like a ruling class of Ethiopia and they don't think it's biological. They can't find like a gene that does it. But if you join the ruling class of Ethiopia and they're all from all over the place, they all just start looking the same. For some reason, no one can figure it out. What?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It's very strange. But you can pick Ethiopian. I can see. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah. Kenyan. I'm getting better at Kenyan. The tribes within Kenya, I got nothing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
There's not a hair cuttery at Walmart.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Is there anything special about the 7-Eleven or just the placement?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I keep thinking of signing up to the Walmart bank. Every time I'd said I went to the barbershop and they had a monkey, people did say that. Monkey cut. People looked at me like I was dropping some terrible slur.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
How do you have a lottery ticket dispute?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
He wanted to buy, it wasn't even redeeming a prize.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
He wanted his money to get more scratches.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Do you call them scratches?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah, scratch-offs.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I'll be back on that. Huh? I lost my card, so now I have to pay with my phone. Like, I have to pay ahead of time because I can't insert the card. But when I overpay and there's a little gap in the amount of gas to what I've given them. You get some scratches. Give me the scratches.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I've got to prepay now. That's all I want to spend my excess money on is a little scratch. I try not to. I'm not overdoing it. I'm not going, give me $400 worth of gasoline.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
When I was door-to-door sales, I would do that to get through the day. I would walk around with that. That's how I knew. I didn't realize I was depressed selling cable television door-to-door until a couple weeks later. I was like, I didn't used to spend $50 on scratch-off cars every day.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Did your fingers start getting discolored from the little people? You can tell that there's a problem. There's a lot of lint following you around, little tiny bits of plastic.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It's a great birthday present for a child. It's the one bit of gambling that you can get a child in on.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
You've got to pick someone of your race to cut your hair. The worst one I had was an Asian barber who had no idea what to do with hair.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah. This is what I... I always think about gambling on it, but this is the year that I finally take it seriously. Because I think I can pick which song is going to win. They let you know what all the songs are beforehand. Every country in Europe has their own song, and then they compete and they vote. But I think... I think I could pick the winning song.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I would listen to them and feel it in my heart what was the correct song.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It was an enormous failure. I don't know why.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah, I've had a worse... This is not the worst haircut, if you can believe it. Best one I had was an ex-con in Adelaide. That was great.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It's like everyone has a football team from their state. That's great.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah, what the fuck? Just Wyoming is going to get crashed by California.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Because the French showed you up one time. The mud floods. The mud slides. Wait, what was the mud slides?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Oh, this is the secret society?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I got a mullet. They knew what to do. They were respectful.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
You did not? Okay. I did not. Because I don't think I've ever spoken to Matt about it, and I've not spoken about it publicly.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
He's heavy set for a tennis player. But I wanted to – it's a story about an older coach who can't play anymore. And if they find this dog – You sure you want to put the script out?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I let the mullet grow out too much, and then I immediately look like a woman, a fat woman from...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
All right, go ahead. You don't think I shouldn't describe it? Let's get it. I'll just say it's about a dog who plays tennis. We're now making a graphic novel.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
All right. There's a little girl who has a dog. And he's a golden retriever. He's very good at tennis. It's Air Bud. Yeah. Air Bud. But this old coach is like, I want to win a golden slam. I want to win. I want to take this dog to all the great grand slams and win. And that's the only thing worth doing in tennis. But the first one they have to go to is Japan.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah, I want him to not shake a guy's hand. Everyone is very... They're like, great dishonor to not shake a man's hand. They start throwing swords because they want the dog to commit suicide. And then the dog goes up to the opponent's bag and opens it. And child pornography and marijuana come out of the bag. And people go... He was a bad guy. Wimbledog was right not to shake his hand.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
But then they're only upset about the marijuana. They're like, the child pornography was good. That was some of the best child pornography we've ever seen. We love that in Japan. But marijuana, we don't tolerate at all. But I think this is a good family movie. I'm going to... I'll say it to you again. We're making it a graphic novel. And I appreciate... I asked very briefly and you said yes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
And I didn't get a commitment publicly. But... I'm using your... We've started the artwork for Wimbledog. I've used your likeness in a graphic novel about... Well, hold on a second.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
You're not doing the child porn. All right.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It's a character that looks exactly like you in a graphic novel that a man, a beautiful man in Tulsa is drawing at the moment. But I think... I think you should, if you ever get time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I don't want to spoil the story about how he has to fight a robot dog at the end of the American Open. There's also a role for Matt as the evil villain in charge of the Tennis Federation who's offended that there's a dog competition. I can see it. I can see it. I think Wimbledog, I mean, stand-up comedy, that was my love me do. This is my Sergeant Peppers, Wimbledog.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I'm part of the young Latin kings running around the streets.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah, man. It was meant to be an hour, and then I had a panic attack, and I cut it right down.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
But thank you for having it come out. I drank raw milk, and then I was vomiting everywhere. I know.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I would have made him a John. That would have been so easy. John would be trying to buy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
What's the dog doing?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Oh, America's ready for a beautiful story about a dog that does something. Dude, for real, dog sports was like a big genre. And then it went away. Hollywood complains that no one's going to see movies, and then they're making weird trans-Mexican cartel musicals. Make a movie about a dog that wins at sport, and people will flock back to the cinema.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Did you ever see My Dog Skip? It's Frankie Muniz. He's got a beautiful dog. I didn't see it. And when it seems like the dog dies, it's... Really? Dog dying in a movie is the only time I really cry. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It's a good move, though.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Now they've always got a thing saying no animals were harmed. I was watching an old Russian movie and a horse really falls down the stairs. What? That was a hard watch. And then I watched Apocalypse Now.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
and they just like hacked and like i mean if they ate it afterwards that's yeah it was it was he filmed like a real actual ritual yeah like francis ford coppola's wife was like i just saw some villages hacking a cow apart do you want to put that in the movie and he went all right obviously it needs something in the third act it's really
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Have you seen their skulls?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I can't stop thinking about it. What's up with their skulls? It's a circle.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah. It's the ugliest, weirdest. We did that to them. I know. Well, Chinese emperors did that to them to have just a fun little thing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
And when they sneeze, their eyes fall out sometimes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
really bugs are great that was another movie idea i wanted someone all right like greyhound racing does it have to be a greyhound maybe there's a guy who thinks his pug has it in him you know but then at the end the dog sneezes and its eyes fall out then a japanese businessman throws it at a bear having a movie a heartwarming story about a pug that ends in its eyes falling out from sneezing would be pretty great then be like we're just raising awareness to pug deformity
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I drank like most of a gallon.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Just breed it with a slightly longer-faced animal.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Start breeding a nose back into the pug.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
The Pug Nose Restoration Project. And you're just making pugs have sex with Great Danes over and over again.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I think about it every day. I wake up and I think, if I was a dog at an Italian household, with all the pasta that they... You know the problem with that pug? The no-no was there. You're so skinny.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
That's why I wanted the right wing milk. I wanted to see what it was like. And the guy who was selling it looked... He was handsome. He had big shot. He was the only person at the farmer's market who actually looked healthy. Everyone else looks weak and faded and unusual. They're not drinking the raw milk.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
To not learn the lesson is a beautiful thing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
That shows that they're not being too abusive because the dog's still got hope.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
The craziest one is when you see a house where they have the big cages out front with the dog in the cage.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
That's a scary house.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Well, I'm a race trader as well as being sick. No, no, no. I don't live up to Hitler's ideals with my food poisoning.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I am going to go back to the raw milk, I think.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I was going to ask for that video of me throwing up over the beef bourguignon. I thought that would be good if I ever have a production company. I know, beef bourguignon. We could have bourguignon productions. Oh, bourguignon.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I was on the phone to Shane immediately before getting the haircut. And I said, the barber has a monkey. Because there was a small monkey at the barbershop. Say what? There was a monkey at the barbershop near where we live. And it had pajamas on and it was on a leash.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It really stayed with me as a terrible memory. I was holding a French fry, and a bird just took it. It was a seagull. It came and took it out of my hand. Damn. I remember I talked about it on stage that night and I got nothing, but it was a lot to me. It was very hard to explain. Yeah, it's pretty intense. Serious and upsetting.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I was so... It was kind of beautiful, but I was scared. I was upset.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It was just gone. I just saw the bird and then I didn't feel it touch my hand. It was just out. It was not a lot. I don't leave a lot of time between. I'm pretty close. Bucket to mouth type of operator.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I saw a homeless guy punch a pigeon once. The pigeons were just running around on the ground.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
The pigeon wasn't doing anything to him. And he was just walking along calmly. And he bent all the way down and just fucking got a pigeon and kept walking.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
That guy's just so... I couldn't believe the pigeon didn't move or anything, but it sensed his... Dude, those things are crazy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I hadn't heard creature storm before.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Well, we would have like fish and chips on the beach and there would be... They'd come around like, you know, you're a kid and your dad goes, stop bringing them over here.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Running through a big pile of birds at the beach is one of my greatest happinesses. What happened? When there's like a big gathering of birds. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
it's fun watching kids chase seagulls that's like an easy way to get kids tired like go get the seagulls and they'll just like relentless like a fucking dog just chase seagulls and you get to watch them for long enough you see who's the king seagull and you see the one sad seagull with like half a foot and his beak doesn't work and he's yeah he's trying to get the none of his buddy seagulls are looking after him helping him get it they're just taking his food away do they have like a pecking order like chickens have
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Then he showed it to my wife.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
What, they'll just have a mass suicide in the coop?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
They've paid no attention to that. That has had no impact on the development of the Irish people.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I was like, no, it's fucking cool. Who's the defense against the dark arts teacher in the second Harry Potter movie? No, you know, the Gilderoy Lockhart. No, the little... He looks like the Shakespearean actor. Oh.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
No, but he also looks like Littlefinger from Game of Thrones. He does not look especially Irish. He is Irish, though.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Captain Clooney.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Do you know about Ned Kelly?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Ned Kelly's our great Bush Ranger hero where the cops were after him and he was like a sheep thief and he built a suit of armor out of iron. It's hilarious. It's like a cool hat that he built and the chest and he just like stood and shot at the cops and they were shooting at him. He was shot something like a hundred times in the dick and legs. Yeah. The movie's pretty good. I watched the movie.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
No, there's a movie with Mick Jagger as Ned Kelly as well. I didn't see that one. We made it over and over again. Yeah. We loved that story. And they go, you'll never take me alive, copper. And then he said, such is life. He had cool quotes.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
He made it out of a trash can, I think, or something. I didn't know Russell Crowe was in it. He had the Oscar to grouch them.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It's not an easy thing to manage. Is vomiting accented? I never thought about that. No, I'd make a noise. Is vomiting accented?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Give it 50 years and people will be ready.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Ready to forgive and forget. It does take time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It was fucking incredible. Did you get no fatalities and maximum damage?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
What's the... I think Oklahoma City bombing. They injured a couple people.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
No? Hold on. What am I thinking? There was one where they...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah. It's an AT&T building in Tennessee. Nashville.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
But he did it on Christmas Day.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I'm blowing up the AT&T building. I don't want to hurt anyone. I just want to make AT&T unhappy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I thought he was just on the phone for too long. True.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Well, people had to pretend that the World Trade Center was beautiful.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I don't know what's happening.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
The ending of the Fountainhead is the most insane close of a book...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
He's a great architect. He does a rape and the lady thinks it's hot, so that's a weird part of it. But moving past that, he's a great architect and he lowers himself to design public housing. He's like, I'll build the best public housing. If I'm going to design public housing, it's going to be the best public housing. And they make it ugly. So he destroys all of the homes for poor people.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
And then he gives a beautiful speech about, I had to do it. Ugliness has no place. And the jury let him off because the speech is so good and then the book's over. But it's a book about the importance of destroying public housing. You've got to ruin the projects.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It's also about relentlessly pursuing your goals and being the man. Clearly, yeah. And all the mediocrity is trying to tear you down.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I really liked Atlas Rugged. I was a big Ayn Rand teenager.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I never fucked with Ayn Rand. I am the great man of history. You got to really commit yourself.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Okay, I thought so. Also, like, an old Russian lady.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I find her very sexually exciting.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
She has great interviews. In all of her interviews, I think she's sick.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Young Ayn Rand is okay looking. There's a great interview. You prefer her older? She's like, I do not want a woman to ever be president. It would be wrong.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I know, it doesn't come across as much in the picture. It doesn't come across in the picture, but she has an energy. I'm telling you, she has an energy. It's not the best picture of Ayn.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Ayn Rand is fucking busted, bro. Ayn Rand is ugly as shit. She's a very sexy woman. I think Atlas shrugged, dude. Look at some videos of Ayn Rand and see the way she moves.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Food for thought. When did you have your Ayn Rand? I didn't have you picked as a... Hillary Clinton's Ayn Rand.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It feels wrong to waste time. All right, I was reading about Roman Polanski this week. I got in a big Roman Polanski Wikipedia wormhole.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Well, actually openly. He had an interview in 1985 where he was like, I fucked young girls. Everybody wants to do that. He was very open about it. He definitely says he does. Anyway, the French culture minister stood by him. This is getting back to literature in a second. The French culture minister at the time was like, we must not deport this man. He's a great artist. We stand by that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Then people read the French culture minister of the time's autobiography And there's this big section where he was going to Thailand. He's like, I was at the boy brothels and these sweet boys, you can pay them. And it was the most erotic feeling. His defense was that he wrote half novel, half autobiography, and it wasn't all true. But imagine being a politician and coming out with your biography.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
There's a big section about how you love boy prostitutes in Southeast Asia. But that was just literary flourish. I just put that in for a literary flourish. Yeah, that was just him being like... And I thought like Norm's book is like that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
But also he doesn't say which bits are made up. He just says you can't trust all of this. Maybe that bit about me being a pervert in Asia is true.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
When he's committing prison rape?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Like his uncle, like everything. Yeah. You thought the bit where he was on SNL because he was giving Lorne Michaels morphine was legitimate?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I don't know. It's such a great opening. I call this a recurring character. Yeah, that was awesome.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
There's... Adam Egan was the only person I got really starstruck by in America and he finds it very it's cool now I think it's normal but every time I see him I go jerking off punks under a bridge for $15 a park it's the Adam Egan I yeah he's the man he does rule
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It's very, he's like, he talks about the incredible erotic feeling of being able to pick your boy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
the man's like I don't fuck with this shut up man dude you play video games with the girl characters you should be on Megan's Law for real playing with that is like number one like playing with girl characters no dude it's better do you think that's why you gotta look at the character why not look at a hot lady here's my question I think that's maybe why the trans thing happened cause it's the first generation that grew up playing girl characters and seeing themselves as a girl all the time and then they it's just a thought you don't think so you don't think that's what's going on it's all about looking at an ass I never play the girl never
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It's all about looking at the ass.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I was shocked, too. Structurally, it's a joke, I think, because it's that long, and then all the action of the book takes place outside of the book. There's so much time for him to describe the important things in the book, and he still doesn't do it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
yeah yeah with like a thousand foot but it's still fun like it's very it's I laughed a lot that's good and then there's a great interview where he goes once they have virtual reality pornography I have to commit suicide immediately he killed himself and then he did out of his word I think it was for that hung himself yeah
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It's really funny. It's also about Quebec separatists. It's about crippled... Is this a Canadian author? No. Part of the joke is that all of North America has become one country, but Quebec still wants to secede. But they only let crippled people become assassins. And you can tell when they're coming when you hear the squeak. It's a really funny book. It is funny.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It's also about a drug addict who decides not to have painkillers when he's very seriously hurt. It's such a... Did this inspire your book at all?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I love footnotes. Infant Jess is like, he'll do footnotes on the footnote. You got to have three bookmarks going while you read it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I just was waiting for his dick to start working the whole time.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
He's recounting when his dick first got injured. I think I said this recently, but it's like he's in a hospital bed, but it's all Italian guys making fun of him for his dick being blood, which is the nastiest. Like of all the hospitals you could be in, an Italian hospital and all these guys going, Your dick had done a work. Kill yourself. That's the worst thing that could ever happen to a man.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
That's the one that the guy throws out of a window in Silver Linings Playbook. So I didn't want to read that.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I've picked my own syllabus to teach you boys about women. I'm going to start with Hemingway. He knows how to treat a lady.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It's made bullfighting seem so appealing.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I think I would get bored immediately after they kill the first bull. I would go, this is revolting. It makes it... Through the whole book, I'm waiting for him to get an erection, and the bullfight's coming. I would go, surely he's getting hard at the bullfight, and then he doesn't.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Then he goes for a swim, and he doesn't get an erection there.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
and then alright the best bit in the book the young hot matador comes in the young hot matador and the guy like he loves bullfighting and the guy who owns the hotel loves bullfighting they're the only two who really understand bullfighting and they go this man is special we gotta keep him away from loose women and hard drink and then the woman he loves has sex with the bullfighter and the guy in charge of the hotel looks at him like you're fucking impotent no you couldn't even you couldn't even stop your degenerate friend from ruining the one beautiful boy Brett
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
She was so erotically charged throughout that. There was... Oh, man. There was one bit... Like, it's all obliquely written and it's straightened. Like, we had Hemingway stuff. We went there on the next day. It was a good day. And we went over there and it was very hot.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
But the one sentence that I love is like, he's at a party that he hates with this woman he loves and the man she's fucking... And like the man goes off to get champagne and he's so angry with this guy going to get champagne. He's got to be this woman he can't have sex with. And then the guy comes back and fine, we'll open the champagne. And then he goes, it was sensational champagne.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I folded that over. I was like, I don't know why that, that's not a good sentence on its own. But within the book.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
that would be he just gets pegged that'd be great that'd be sick I don't understand how they can turn it into a movie nothing would happen it would just be a man fishing and watching a bullfight and looking at a lady sadly if you knew his dick didn't work it'd be it'd be gripping you'd be like fuck yeah
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It would be great if you had to change the title so that everyone – just like you call the movie The Man Whose Dick Didn't Work.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I think he's... They don't go into detail, but he doesn't have a dick.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
There's a prostitute who tries to get him to employ her, and he goes, I won't be able to partake of that. She goes, you are sick? And he goes, yes. She goes, I'm sick too. He's like, she had gonorrhea and he missed out. His broken penis. It's a great, I didn't think I'd enjoy the broken penis book.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
But wouldn't that be a good, like at the end of a sitcom, the credits come up and then he goes, ah, bourguignon. Bourguignon.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
There was an episode of Fat Pizza.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Where you have to activate. I think the trans pizza is that. Under the sack.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
That would be so nice to get to choose when you had an erection.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
No food, no sex. Yeah.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
No. Yeah. The monkey was in the next room screaming and very unhappy. He had like an angry monkey at the barbershop? There were like 18 guys working in the barbershop and one of them had a monkey. I've never seen this before. Anyway.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah. It's one of my favorite myths. I had the Beaujolais with the bourguignon.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I was drinking a beautiful wine. I cannot pace myself with wine.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Do you know about the cocaine wine that the Pope was on? What? Back when Coca-Cola and people were mixing cocaine with their products, there was a special cocaine wine. And the Vatican ordered thousands of bottles of this wine, and the Pope was just loving it.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
He's been unwell for a while. He's not stepping down.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Let me see this. I think he only had one lung to begin with.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
He has double lungs. We must pray for the Pope.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I'm ready for cool young American Pope. The young Pope activated me when I watched it. That's what the church needs.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Oh, like ages ago. It was like 10 years ago.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
He was like...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It was the most affordable place to have your hair cut in the area. Everywhere else was like, I went to another barber first and they said, you need an appointment. And I thought that broke the barber's code of like, just walk in and hang out.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Have you seen the new Conclave movie?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It's not as good as The Young Pope. That's all I could think. But it's great until the last 10 minutes when you find out, spoiler, that the guy they've just elected is Intersex, Pope with a Womb. And it's written by a Church of England guy, so they're all just very sensitive. Wouldn't that be interesting? What is a man? This was a great drama about one of the candidates had a secret family.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
He was black and homophobic, and people were like, you only like him because he's black. It's great. There's arguments, and what's the future of the church? And then just at the end, there's a terrorist attack, and people go, let's get the trans woman or the intersex person. It's problematic. But Ralph Fiennes is great, and Stanley Tucci.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
everything's standing like a serious like religious drama that ends with a trans pope yeah intersex fuck oh shit you mean you mean like like a natural one like a natural yeah like uh it's a little mexican guy who's like i found out that i had a uterus and i decided to kill him the mexicans with this trans shit what they got this and fucking have they got another big trans there's a big uh mexican trans movie really amelia it's like they're getting all the oscars
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
As a description, if someone said, this is my Cartel trans musical, that sounds... Yeah, that's what I want.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Do you ever see the Kardashians episodes where Bruce is obviously starting to transition into Caitlyn? No. They're hiding it from the audience. There's like two seasons where it's just the hair gets longer, gets smoother. He moves out of the house. They go, the marriage is fine. I'm just living in a different house across town. But then it's still...
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
He just like long weird hair, just demolishes everybody in table tennis. He's working through some feelings. Just beating all the other Kardashians in table tennis. It's a great weird arc where everyone's going, this is normal. Nothing's wrong.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Just to keep the party going on at all?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Did the Jenna person remove the sex organ?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
You definitely can't come There's no way if they build you a vagina You can't Where would the orgasm come from?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
There's nothing further from coming than that particular vomit.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
Yeah, that's like an age-old mystery. It was a great movie. I don't know why that disappeared. I don't know why people aren't celebrating India in the Cupboard. There's no like India in the Cupboard merch.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It was that one and the bird that could talk in the basement. I think it was called Pauly. Remember there was a little parrot in the basement who lived a beautiful life?
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
I remember. That was a pro-Indian movie, I think.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
He wasn't just a toy. He was a man who had his land taken away.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
But he learns peace with the cowboy.
Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast
Ep 547 - The Bourguignon Shuffle (feat. James McCann)
It was a special cupboard that brought all the toys to life. But then the cowboy toys were like, we're getting him. We're getting that Indian.