Ian Fidance
Appearances
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Hachi machi gang that back on the block tour is coming to a city near you so grab the entire squad and come on out and see the boys stand up comedy and then we play a little are you garbage with the crowd it's a good good time yeah we got atlantic city san francisco second show out at portland seattle bray california burlington vermont boston atlanta charlotte raleigh richmond baltimore philly rochester and toronto all tickets available to are you garbage.com do
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
No, they were just like, Gail, you're nervous. Drink. What was she nervous about? He was up there vomiting. Yeah, I'm up there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
It's the place where the DuPonts are from. Dude, dude. It's you and the guy that killed that wrestler. Which you may have been a part of.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Just behind the Minson brothers. How was that? Who's the Menson brothers? The Menendez? No, not the Menendez. Who's Menson? I made it up. Who is Menson? I was improv-ing. No way. Never again. Here's a suggestion.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Full video available over there on Spotify, part of the Creators Program. The greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. So I'll show you garbage. You go over there, you get all that bonus content, gang. Yes, sir. And how about a nice big shout out to our good pal back with us again today. He's family. He's absolute family. You can't get rid of me. The meds aren't working.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
That's insulting. I'm a heavy guy. Kimmy, let's talk about factor meals. Shout out to factor, factor, factor. Best in the business, those factor meals. Hey, gang, let's be honest. Summer's coming. Uh-huh. You know what I mean? Yeah. You're going to have a big social schedule. You're going to be going here. You're going to be going there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
You're not going to have time to cook, so do yourself a favor. Stay on the nutritional tip. Listen, I like them because they taste good. All right. I'm not selling nothing to you here.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Selling the flavor, baby. They just happen to be good for you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Home run Factor meals. Two minutes. They're ready to go. Unbelievable recipes. Get on it. Yes. Factor powers your day with satisfying breakfast, on-the-go lunches, premium dinners, which I'm a big fan of, guilt-free snacks and desserts. We've been using it. I found Factor probably about five years ago when I was trying to just cut back. I eat a lot of pizza. I eat a lot of sandwiches.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Can I ask you something to break the fourth wall? Uh-huh. Have you had the breakfast? I don't think I have, buddy. Yeah. Talking about breakfast and dinner. How you doing? Guys, to get started, go to factormeals.com slash garbage50off. Oh, boy. And use code garbage50off to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Kit, what do you know about Brunt? Shout out to Brunt. Gang, choosing work boots used to either mean that you had to sacrifice comfort or durability.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
If they felt good, they didn't hold up. Nope. And if they held up, they were uncomfortable. Yeah. Feet are killing you at the end of the day. Well, let me tell you something.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Yes. These might be the most comfortable work boots on the planet, but they'll also deliver real performance on the job site. And if you know you can't be showing up to a job site looking like a bozo, everybody's going to razz you. Not with Brunt. They were nice enough. I ordered a pair of Brunt. They came. We opened them. Holy heck, look at this. Ryan D. got on a Brunt. You got him.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Luke started ordering a Brunt. Luke's got him. Everybody's on a Brunt around here. Whether you need waterproof safety toe or soft toe, pull on or lace up, they've got you covered, the good folks over there at Brunt. Brunt isn't just about work boots. They offer a full range of high-performance gear built for tough jobs from heavy-duty work pants to weather-resistant jackets.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Brunt designs durable, reliable workwear to keep you protected and productive in any condition.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Brunt didn't just make adorable work boots. They reinvented comfort for the hardest workers out there. For a limited time, our listeners get $10 off at Brunt by using code garbage at checkout. Just head to bruntworkwear.com. Use the code garbage, and you'll be all set. After the purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them. Tell them what a boy sent you. A-Y-G boys.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
We love you, and thanks for supporting the show. Now, how'd you get up here? You take the train, the bus? Amtrak. Amtrak. Whoa, fancy. Mom dropped you off. Mom dropped you off. Said goodbye. Took the old Amtrak. You ride up in the front with the conductor? That works. No, but I missed. No, but I'm carrying all that luggage. Are you looking for a cowboy? Merch bag. I'm going through.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
The luggage is insane. Hold on. Who has a neck pillow on a train? Huh? You have a neck pillow out there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
He just darted in from Penn Station. Yes. He has enough luggage for the weekend that he had. Yes. As if he was Zsa Zsa Gabor.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Okay, I apologize. Good. I didn't realize that you made a trip to L.A. Yes. So this was right before the breakup. You have to bring that up again. We were doing pretty well. I'm really going to go there, Henry. I'm not funny anymore.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
I've got to get to you crying. How does that make you feel? He called you a punta.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
What do you have left? What's clean? I did laundry in Los Angeles, and I did some laundry at my mom's house, and I'm quite a sweater.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Is there a creek nearby? I brought my own stairs. I got a washboard.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
All right. Yeah. How was Rochester? Good. It's a beautiful town. Comedy Carlson? Yeah. Love it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Don't turn on the Discovery Channel anytime soon.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
We're all booked up for the 2025 season. Dirty guy with dirty underwear.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Jackie Bam Bam's voice has the most Philadelphia. I'm Jackie Bam Bam. And he doesn't look anything like you think Jackie Bam Bam would look like. Give me this pitch again. I thought you were joking. What's the show? All the towns I go to, I do a job. To perform. Yes. When you headline. Yes. I've been on the road every weekend since December. That sounded demeaning for some. I didn't mean it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Playing the big markets. Yes. Rochester, Delaware. Uh-huh. You look like you should be sold outside of a gas station.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
I've been on the road. When you're out there doing your skit sketches.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Nobody. It's all up here. Once... I get it to paper. It's animated. It's stop motion.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Yeah, of course. He's fantastic. So he'll open for me and then come and film these things. Very nice. And I'm having a blast, man. It's really, really fun. So you've cut hair. You played with robots. You tattooed somebody. Yes. You got your heart broken. I worked at a lobster shop. Look at you, a little pulling at the heartstrings.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
You can fight it, ladies and gentlemen.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
No, it's cake. I'm sorry. I'm being an ass.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
It's better on film. Talk about Holly weird. Only in New York. You got a job out there and I'm in your town. Hit me up. I'll do it. Let's hang. I'm actually looking for a private eye. It's very fun. Yeah. Yeah. For what? Find my penis. Oh, my God. Dude, are you for real?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Hey, everybody. Thanks for coming to me. Thank you for having me, fellas.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
That was wild. You hang your punchlines down there, too? What the fuck, Henry? Oh, my God. Keep your jokes in your ball bag. You know what the saddest thing is?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
There's something very Bob Ross about you today, even more so. You have some good color or something. Did you go tanning? Thank you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
You're chasing dead money. The house always wins.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Put it all on green. Oh, God. Good God. You just want to pile scratch-offs statistically.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
I wonder what that means. That's good luck. I always walk under piano's ladders. What's a piano? It's not his bad luck to walk under a piano. It wasn't the ones that fall on you, you dumbass. Cartoons.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
That penis line was delivered like it was 1963. Dude, in the attic, can you do like my robot and make it go, my penis, my penis, my penis. He's rubbing off on everybody. Well, who are you going to try to find as a private eye? So people message me. I have an email address. You really are a comedian. Well, you are in showbiz. Luke, get me an email address, huh? This is bullshit. I got an email.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Actually, you also explained it like I don't know what messages are. Somebody messaged me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Now I have it. Soon everyone will stink. You only got 24 hours to live. You better get your spots in tonight after tomorrow. I'm going to go out and ruin comedy. I'm like Medusa. Don't look at me like that. You don't know who Medusa is. What does Medusa have to do with it? Turns people to stone. Plus I have snakes in my underwear. Give me a pair of sunglasses. I don't want to turn to rock.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
It's coming for us all. It's like the Evil Dead Necronomicon. Maybe bad is the new good, huh?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Lumpy. Chicks like it when your ears bleed. What? Mine are bleeding. Listen to you. Can I get a fucking protein bar or something? It ain't going to help, pal. Why don't you do a lap? Come back. Me and KJ got it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Shit. Now we all have it. Luke's the funniest guy in the room. Switch seats real quick, Luke. I'm hyperventilating. This is serious broadcasting, gentlemen. You were never a doctor for a day, were you?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
What did you do in Philly? Any of the old haunts? Did you go around? Did you get any good food? What's a guy like you? You're headlining a nice weekend down there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Is it safe to say you don't have a distribution quite yet? Oh, I can't. That's going to be one of the jobs. You're going to put it on the air. Just waiting for a hot spot. Come on. That was okay. I didn't hear it. Where did we all see? Let's take it from the top and go. Do you got a new tootie? No. I said one of his jobs. He cast out on the tootie. The tootie was the funniest thing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
We started so high. I was saying one of your jobs could be. We heard you the first time. Oh, you did hear it? You did hear it? You stepped on it. That's what happened. I heard it the first time. I stepped on it the second time to save you and the program. No, you didn't hear what I said. What? Say it again. If I did, you'd be laughing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
What'd you do? It was awesome. He's parking. Packed it out. Hey, we're big fans of packing it out. Packing it out. It's not sold out, but it's packed out.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Not on this show. So you're going to be a DJ, huh?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
That's awesome. Yeah. Very cool. It's good.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
And so now I have nothing for stand-up, so I'm starting fresh. Okay. Starting fresh. So get out there. Why don't you just, I guess, you can't just use that page? Well, it's for everything with the podcast. Sure. So I don't want to money that water, you know? Sure. I got you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
I'm just in awe. It's how bad I am. It's good to be back together.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
He looked at me like, I remember when you used to be funny.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
I think he's doing it on purpose. I thought he was doing it on purpose, and now I don't think he's doing it on purpose. I'm just real desperate. I'm just really swinging. I'm doing the same thing and expecting different results. That's the definition of insanity. Yeah, anybody would know you would.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
That's something a crazy guy would say. Okay. What do you got? What? You throw it to me like that? Give me a heads up or something. In three, two, one. What do you got? Hey, everybody out there. Welcome back. Gang, as you know, when you sign up for the old Patreon, you can have your question read on the air by Kevin Ryan. Because Foley can't read. This will be my last episode.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Punchline. Close. Host, feature, and headliner. Me. Save a little money. You got more money. I'll bring myself up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Somebody tell Tony I love her. Oh, man. What happened? When? It's like the last 25 minutes. It's like we got so funny that we became unfunny. We were going so hot and it was burning so hot that we flew too close to the sun. And now... Speak for yourself. I'm killing it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
And I'm not even doing that good of a job.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Yeah. I saw Ian in the village outside the cellar. He asked me for a cig or a light or something. I said, I quit. His genuine reaction was, what? Why?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
I've had a couple. I have to make that public. Yeah? Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
I mean, I would say I've quit. But you've had a few. I've had a couple. That's not quitting. Drunk chicks do that. They don't smoke. Are you a drunk chick? Can be. That's what you're into. I'll go home with you if that's what you're asking. I'll cancel my gig this weekend.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
See you later, Charleston. Where are you this weekend? Charleston, South Carolina, Thursday, May 22nd.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Have you ever been to Charleston? Never. Okay. Good kid. You want some comedy advice? Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Weird eye contact. And strange timing. That's how you get lamps. Yes, it is. No, I was going to say she crab soup. What? She crab soup. What is that? Are you speaking Chinese? You'll know when you see her. All right, I'm back. I got you. Huh?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
The only guy to ask to pick up a waiting table station while he's working. Hey, guys, while the feature's up, I can do some food running. I just won 15% of all gratuity. You know I can park cars until about 30 minutes into the show, right?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
You were laughing at that. I was laughing at that. Your timing was back.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
It's delicious. All right. It's an unbelievable food scene in Charleston.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
You go to Henry's. Henry's. Yeah. Now you're just making all this up.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Here's a couple. Listen. All right. Come on.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
The place is Henry's. It's in the French Quarter. Okay. They do an awesome, awesome sheet crab soup. If you want to go to a real nice dinner, you go to- I'm only there for one day. Oh. And he looks like this. Are you going to have your tuxedo on you? I don't know where to buy fireworks or something. Midnight in the garden of good meals. You got to try He-Man lobster.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
I was going to say, I was going to send you to Fig. Fig. Yeah, food is good. Yeah, it's for Henry. They're going to act like they don't know me. So are we. I'm going to put this out on Ian's channel. Starting fresh.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
It's more of an infomercial. I'm going to strike that joke. Listen to me.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
I am spiraling over here. I've lost all confidence somehow. Listen to me. If you're going to go to dinner. I know. It's another food wreck. Fig. It's really good. Fig. Yeah. In Charleston. Charleston. Charleston fig. Yes. Delicious. All right. Unbelievable. And Henry's. Henry's. Yeah. For the she crepes. Stop by Kippy's too. Go to Luke's. Go to Luke's. Real judgmental.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Listen, we normally don't break the fourth wall. We could be at three and a half minutes or five hours right now. I've lost all. I don't know where I am. Let's all guess at what minute we're at. I genuinely feel like we've always been here. We're three people that do this for a living for the last five years. What number do you think we're at?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
I think we might have died when Ian came in, and we are now in the seventh ring of hell.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
I'll say 48. It just says 666. 37 minutes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Good God. Oh, man. What a fucking time warp, dude. Let's go to a highlight reel or something.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Just play There Will Be Blood or something like that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
I'm a vegetable oil man. Oh my God. What? Did I write that? Fuck. That's crazy. You should have said peanut oil. I don't know why. I'm a tallow man. I'm a grease man. I'm a beef tallow man. It's popular these days, beef tongue. I'm a mayonnaise man.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
You guys are sign language in each other.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Thank you. What's wrong? What's the sign language for bombing?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Hey, game puts, will ya? Try the lady boy soup. I'd love to.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Tell the lady boy crabs out there, why don't you pinch me? That's IanFightant666. I'm on lady boy prep. Oh, boy. Going down with the ship, folks. I got a travel show. I'm on the road. That'll save us. Nothing else. Why don't we cut to a piece of that?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
All right, Kevin. Wait, are we going to switch to questions? None of one of us has made a coherent sense. Do the weather. I don't give a shit what you do. Here's what's happening in your neck of the woods. It's hot. And on that side of the fence, it's cold.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
This is what's going out on YouTube. We got a birthday or something coming up. We're going to see a fat chill coming in from the south. That's not it. It should have been a fat cold front. Because that ice, that mic is icy. Fuck. Fat cold sore.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
I went to school with ice Mikey. What were you going to say? He's talking to me. It's an old black comic from Philly. Hey, the weather's done. Someone do the sports. I did. I got the neck of the woods laugh. We are building this joke by joke every two minutes. The Ian's lost today, 9-2. Whoa. And the Foley's went bankrupt.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Nine scoreless innings. Luke, sing a song. We're going to do karaoke.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Why do you think I have to comb? It says Red X on it. They're circus lice. Don't worry. I don't even get it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
What is circus lice? Turn the lights down or something. You got a coat on. What's the matter with you? He's going insane. He doesn't feel the heat anymore. You know what's weird when you see a homeless guy wearing a winter coat in the summer? It's schizophrenia. They're always cold. Thanks for the lighter side of the news, gang.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
What's the market at right now? I just checked my phone. I forgot we were on a show. I genuinely pulled out my phone and went through my alerts.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
There's a Fox Philly Soul station? Yeah, it's Fox 29.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Rye, I need a cold water. And a couple of punchlines if you got them. You writing out there? Just come over here and knock me out. Just hit me right in the head. If you have a rock, you can smash it into my skull. Get that ball-peen hammer out.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
I feel sweaty. Stinky. I am so sweaty. I feel gross.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
My nose is running and I'm sweating. Me too, man. It's like I had she-crab soup. I feel like we're going to be zombies by the end of this podcast. Yeah, I'm not making a film. You got too much luggage.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Beep, beep. Everybody back it out of there. What does too much luggage have to do with it? He said, I'm not going to make it home. I said, yeah, you got too much luggage. He thought it had to do something with whatever he was bombing with. Yeah, the zombies they made in the airport. They got all their luggage.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Oh, God, we lost Ian. You look over, he's turning.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Did your mom make anything when you were home? Did she cook anything? She made me pastina. What's that? Oh, did she? Yeah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Now Ian Fidance with the weather. Man, there's plenty of shit in this motherfucker. Gee. Gonna be some wind.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
And a little pastina for my little angel. With a side of cock ring, huh? Come on, that was funny. What? Look, if you don't name this, it's an episode positive for gay guys. Pastina is the little bitty pastas in, like, chicken soup. Yes. You forget you're Italian. Yeah. Or human. One. One.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Made it on the front step this morning. She made it on the front step? No, ate it. Why'd you eat it on the front step?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
We were eating soup, drinking coffee, smoking it, doing scratch-offs on the front step. You don't have like a table out there? No. Right on a highway, right? Sit on the steps. No, we're in a neighborhood. What are you talking about? We live behind a highway. It backs up to an interstate. I pictured you guys living in a lumber yard or something like that. Aisle 9 Home Depot.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
They're in the PVC fitting lot. They're sitting in a tent at Dick's. No, I was going to say, let's all be on the same side here. Well, yeah, we're all teammates. We got to listen. We're all on the same team. This plane's going down, and we all got to work together to get it back up in the air. Well, we got to put our oxygen on first before we can save anyone else. I didn't hate it. Thank you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Piece of shit producer. you want to do a question yeah yeah let's do it so how you guys doing um all right this one's from what are you nuts how good is that that's the name of the episode uh this has to hire this man uh yous ever go to the wrong party I was at my brother's... I'm at it right now.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
I was going to my brother's engagement party and saw a bunch of cars parked on the street and people outside, so I assumed this was the spot. I walked around the bit looking for my brother when I found out this party was a celebration of life. Turns out the engagement... Oh, shit, why does everybody look like somebody just died, huh? What the fuck? I know his sex life died, but hey.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
The engagement party was a quarter mile down the road. That's a great one. So it was a funeral. Celebration of life. Yeah. We're bringing that back up. It's basically what the show is now.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
We should all have quarters on our eyes. I had to pay the bridge man. Pay the bridge man. Pay the boat man. The boat man. They're removing my chains. Get across the river to unfunny town. Oh, buddy, you're the mayor.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
This is weird. I think we might have all died. I honestly think that. Or I had a heart attack and I'm in hell alone. Sick. No, I'm right there with you, big guy. Fuck, my hell would be sitting next to Ian, and he smells like heaters, and I can't have one. The three of us just bombing. Smells like heaters, WD-40, and Stetson. And a little pastina. What's Stetson? There you go.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
You know what Stetson is. Cologne? Mm-hmm.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Fucking played dumb with me. I thought you meant the Stetson hat. Think we need this shit now? We're in a goddamn foxhole. Get me some ammo. Stick your gun out the fucking front and start shooting.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
You would have sucked the nom. Oh, my God. You would have had everything. The headband, the fucking shit on the helmet, smoking weed, dropping acid. First guy shot. Thinking I'm going to rip a weed out of a shotgun. I just blow my head off. Lieutenant. Hey, finance, how long you been here? It's his first day. He's all strung out. He's got all the gear on.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
He's wearing a necklace out of people's teeth. Got these back at base. My dad's an orthodontist.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Man, we're going to take this right up to... This one's going to come right down to the wire, huh, gang?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Luke just texted me, we're at 50. Oh, wait, I mean 20. I almost fucking threw my... I almost threw the computer. Oh, God. I'm eating that sandwich in the fridge.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
We apologize. I genuinely don't think I can laugh. I don't know what has happened.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
I forgot. I don't even know what I'm trying to say. What? What is this, nuts? This one's from Dublin Dirtbag. Ever pushed a bicycle while riding a bicycle?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
I'm gonna fucking come in here like a Seminole. We have to cut this, right?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
You know. We fucking... We sat in the pocket. We're nailing it. We threw fucking punches. You know, we're doing great. This is fun. I can't believe you let me die with that bicycle thing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Calling this one the Suicide Squad. That's really good. Fucking Al-Qaeda. Bunch of suicide bombers.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Say something, will you? I tried with the budget. You're paying for these. I can't breathe. I just forgot we were recording. I was thinking about that Bin Laden documentary.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
You know, I mean, listen. What? That was fun.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
I got to go. I got to be somewhere else. Stay. I got another podcast to do. I'm not supposed to be here. It's not my time. My whole life ahead of me. I feel like I'm in the Upside Down. We all forgot what we're doing. We're going to wake up covered in goo. Where's Millie Bobby Brown when you need her, huh?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Stop doing that. It's like from moving the belt holes. It's like the fucking Reaper is going to get me. Fucking telltale heart.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
You bring the spice, I'll bring the flavor. Now, I heard you like to get a little freaky deaky. I heard you like to swing both ways. I have here that you swing both ways. You need a Lord. We would call that the DL. Just a regular black guy trying to figure you out. Our next guest is going straight to hell.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
You guys ever pushed a bicycle while riding a bike? Let's wrap it up. I mean, listen, I don't know what you want from me. We're trying. We got our fucking asses handed to us. We went up there. We fucking all struck out. Hey, everybody out there.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
What's that all about? And where can we find it?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
It's so funny they can't laugh. IanFidance.com for all my dates. IanFidance666 at Gmail for all complaints. Gang, we love you. We'll see you next week. Or maybe we won't. You might never see this episode. I don't know if we can release this. Right?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
We'll see you next week. I'll be here. I won't.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
So the weekend was good. That was terrible. Weekend was good? Weekend was good.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Sounds boring as shit. What? The whole weekend sounds like it.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
You ate a bunch of cheesesteaks, bombed on local TV. I crushed on local TV. Let me tell you. They made a clip.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Got broken up with in between shows. Now we get to it. Yep.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Was this the last? Let the mania begin. Didn't sleep much.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage? It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that they have to be classy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Rethink this. Who's the we? Any other voices in your head? I thought I was at the comedy club. Turns out I was just on 12th and Orange. I'm sorry to hear that, man. Yeah, sorry. Was this a new thing? Was it fresh? It had been a while? We met like two months ago at a whirlwind week in L.A. You had just met the last one when we did your podcast. You had just met said person.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
We were razzing you at the time for that.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
That apartment is grody. I got it cleaned. I saw your Fox Soul segment. And I've never been more in love.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
And I was like, all right. They, like, threw me off. The hell do you even mean compatible?
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Who live at my mom's. Broke up with me two days later. Hope you like cats.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
What are you, hunting vampires? The rings are good because when they come off, it means business. My eyes go black like a wing of crow. Ian only fingers. Maybe that was something. Do you have anything in her place that you have to go back and get? Just a bunch of Minion stuff I gave her. Red flag number two. She told me she really loved the Minion rides at Universal. Hey, I told you.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Garbage. I'm your host, Dave Trolley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tootie's in a new edition. She's up on the roof, threatening to jump. Starting that bullshit early this year. I told her, jump. My coach is coming at you right next to me. A little too close.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
I've never seen the movie, okay? I said they're kind of cute. I stole her a bunch of Minion stuff and gave her one, and then the more I gave her, the more I had to be like, ah.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
You and the minions all in the car driving across country. He's in the backseat.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
He asked her to go steady. She said okay because she was afraid in the moment, and then he sent her a bunch of minions. And then a picture with a knife up to his throat. No, no, that was a joke. I didn't send it. Should I? It was a gun. We were bouncing bits. Yeah, it was just a bit. All right, well, I'm sorry to hear that, pal. No, it's totally fine. Well, look at this.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
You got the whole summer ahead of you. Look at that. Freewheeling single Ian. It's the summer Ian. Look out. Yes. I'm on the road. No one's safe. Charles to South Carolina.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
I don't know, but it ain't cable, baby. This guy's direct TV, huh? Hey, someone go up there and move this guy's dish.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
The signal's coming in fuzzy. Ian, don't work when it's raining. It's all scrambled.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
I don't like the rain. That's one thing you know about me. Bye, guys. I don't like the rain. I don't like the rain. I don't like wet socks. Henny, it's not happening. I don't like what? These high heels are brand new. Dude, actually, the guy.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
What's going on there, kid? You just wiped your face off. You just wiped all your features down two inches.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Etch and sketch finance, everybody. Get near a magnet, your whole face disappears. Stop shaking.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Nice. Yeah, yeah. He yelled out Mangine at the end of my set. Was that your nickname on the job site? No, I used to do the Mangine and put on the homeowner's clothes.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
That's not funny. So what do you have planned for the summer? I'm on the road every weekend, baby. There you go. Let's go. Look at that. All over. Single. Single. Doing your thing. Ready to mingle. Doing my thing.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
A lot of cheesesteaks to eat. A lot of...
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
I eat bad in Philly, too. I eat bad everywhere. I always eat bad in Philly. Ladies and gentlemen, let's just end. Sorry. Late breaking news. I'm fat. Hey. Sorry.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Let me just wipe my face off. It's weight challenge. You're challenged, all right.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
We're trying to challenge you to hit a punchline. That I will not do. Just keep dumping ice on them.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Okay, now you're on the bomb board. He's rubbing off on you. You mean the UN? Do me a favor, edit. Luke. How's your mom? She's doing well. She lost a lot of weight. We really had fun.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Yeah, yeah. I feel like that would scare her.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
She grew up with Ian. So we, yeah, she's seen it all. She gave birth to the scariest movie of all. Me. She's like, hey, can you turn it up? And his head spins around. She has watched the movie with you sitting on her shoulders like a parrot. Fuck. No, I really got it. I mean, Luke's not even a comic. He's like, this doesn't make sense. His fingers are on fire doing live editing right now.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Quick, dump the big man. He don't have it. Blame me in satellite dick. Shit just cuts to just me. All right, well, the big man is currently on the fritz. I got the ips. I really have a feeling I'm never going to say anything funny ever again. I swear to God. You're trying to throw an easy out the first. Some kid's getting donked in the outfield. Sidelines. Yips.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
I'm like a catcher in the outfield. Fuck! Catcher in the end zone. Damn it, that was good. Can I have that? Shit. I swear to God, I feel like I'm done. Out in left field with a hockey stick. That's pretty good. I'm like a concession guy with no hot dogs. Because you ate them. Fuck!
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
Hey, buddy, lay off the beat, will you? Hey, you sweeping chimneys? He is the CEO of Are You Garbage? He is an international businessman, and he's my best pal in the whole wide world. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan, everybody. What up, gang? Shout out to you, as always. Thanks for tuning in. Make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
All we got is apples and bananas left, gang. Like an astronaut who left his mask up. See? I'm done. You'll never work in this town again. Can I ask you this? Ask away.
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance
I'm asking you this respectfully. I'm not being dirty. Here we go. Just because you say your mom lost a little bit of, you know, lost some weight. Does she is she out there? Does she date? Does she?
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Hmm. I'm trying to rack my brain right now in what... in what situations I've been in where a good goof would be to call me the shrimp King.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
I love shrimp. And when I eat them, I am the king of shrimp. And I just had shrimp yesterday.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Honestly, I may have been in a shrimp blackout.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Hi, everybody.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
I'll be on my throne.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
The only way to navigate class in an upward way now is through looks and exploitation and showing whole. 100% disagree. You got to show hole to get ahead. Yeah, it's easier than ever before to show hole. You used to have to go to LA, hope you were going to show your tits in Playboy, and now it's like, hey, do you have an iPhone? It's crazy.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Why any of us could go on an OnlyFans and we'd make tons of, well, you guys are hot. Me and him, we're not doing it. Me and you are screwed. We got to use our brains.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Yeah, well, I'm more uglier than you.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Average-looking person? If you're attractive, you can move through society in a way that uggos can't. Like, if you're an influencer, if you're a hot guy, a hot girl, you can be born dirt poor, and then you can move classes and be accepted into upper society better than ugly people.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
No, I mean, he navigated through life through lying, cheating, and stealing. And he's successful. Obama. Same thing. Obama was cooler when he smoked cigarettes. The world was a better place when we could smoke indoors and baseball players wore tight uniforms and basketball players wore short shorts.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Screw you.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
These are nine and a half. Are these small feet?
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
These are men's feet. You look like you have club foot. You look like you have a medical condition. Let me see your foot. That's almost the same size.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
And now with AI, you can get a prettier face and body and then make it look like those feet are attached to it.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Thank you so much. Thank you for having me. I stand by what I said, but I do think there are better takes out there. And I really didn't think the show would take off the way it does. And I didn't know that I would be sharing my take about Hole with Tim Walls and Kamala Harris.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Yeah, that's a take. We should be able to smoke indoors again.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
The world is a better place when we smoked indoors. I'll tell you that much. And? And we should bring it back.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Players wore tighter uniforms.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
And my dad was still alive. The world is a better place in like May of 92.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Yeah, it's a real Wayne's World meets Pee Wee's Playhouse down here. We designed the studio. I designed it to make it feel like you're hanging out at your friend's parents' house when they're away and you're just hanging out with all your friends.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Thank you. We just like to make it seem as if there's no cameras. We're just hanging out, living our best lives. We tell people the cameras aren't even on. They're fake. Just say whatever you want.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Yes. My computer, I don't have a computer right now, so I have to use my phone for everything. I have to get a new computer.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
That'd be great. Thank you. Yeah, let's do it.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Shrimp King got a little bit of shrimp in his laptop. Is that what happened? He was eating and zooming, zooming and eating, and he got some marinara sauce in the keys.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Somebody has done this to my phone, or I did it as a joke, and I'm so technologically unable to advance that I can't figure out how to fix it.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Yeah. What do you do? We should just do this in my apartment.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Please. Oh, you're making fun of me and your producer's name is Dale? Dale's a good name. Yeah, if he's a rescue ranger.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Should I contact support?
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
If you insist.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
You're shucking and jiving. You're moving and grooving. And it seems like it has taken the world by storm, my friend.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
I was, yeah. I don't think I took the take as seriously as the take should have been taken.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
No, no, no. I mean, for me, I was like, oh, let me be funny instead of say something I fully believe and then fight it. But I do think that it is interesting that a way to fast track your way through class is by defaulting to OnlyFans and sex work. I mean, I do think that's true for a fair amount of people. And I'm not saying anything new when I say that
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
attractive hot people can navigate class easier than anyone else but i feel like now it's more prevalent and apparent than it ever has been do you think that you have as as time has gone on is my good looks for to advance my career yes that's exactly what i was gonna say
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
for me like a guy that looks like an ai no one wants an ai guy no one wants ai guy everybody wants a weird little gremlin guy and i'm leading the charge right i'm standing up for all the little gremlin men out there you know you're like more like a beaver up what like a beaver like a little beaver guy
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
I was picturing a little goblin gremlin man as just like a little guy. And sometimes I have a limp because my back hurts. But I guess it's like a fun way of saying unconventionally attractive.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Thank you. My brain tells me I am, and I have a hard time looking in the mirror sometimes. Here's the take. More men have body dysmorphia than they'll admit to.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
It's so bland. Is it helping, though? Are you losing weight?
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Right. Yeah. Well, I mean, there's there's a limit to fat.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
I never thought you were fat.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Well, I think you wear comically large suits, so you can get away with any size.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
What are the stresses that come with being a world-renowned heartthrob now?
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
See, here's the thing. Everybody is always like, well, if you want to make it, you got to be X, Y, Z. And it's like, well, what about we all try to make it and not fall into those tropes of being like, well, now that I'm in the zeitgeist, I have to be a certain way. It's like, well, you were in the zeitgeist because you were who you were. So just continually be who you are.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
And then other people will rise to be who they are instead of feeling that they have to have these standards that are almost heraclid and achieving.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Really? Just get that stick. Dude, everybody's on it, and they're all looking pretty good, but it makes me wonder what is going to happen in five years.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Yeah, but what about, see, I can do it because I don't have a family, but what about you? Like, what happens in five years if your arteries turn into stone or something?
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
See, I'm carrying too much weight of the world. I need a stick that gets for the world pain.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Yeah, people have done that to me where they take a picture and I'm hunched over looking at my phone. I have ten chins and I'm like, oh, my God. So now I performatively sit straight up and pretend I'm writing a novel.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
And out loud I go, another page finished in my novel for whomever is wondering.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
No, that's a fairly easy-peasy book that can be played with any... No one's getting upset at that, right?
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
See, I get in trouble because all I do is just rewrite the lyrics to the new Kanye song over and over. I'm a big... On a big notebook the size of a newspaper.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Dude, I'm so mad it's so catchy.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
I suck my cousin's penis. That's the song, right?
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
There's one too many. Some would say it's normalizing HH. There's too much HH. Or some would say it's taking the teeth out of the HH.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Yeah. Now, are they saying the HH or are they saying HH?
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Are they saying the NHH? I bet they are. As long as you do it all. That's my thing. It's all or nothing. To go N and then say HH is crazy.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
If you're saying HH, you got to say the whole thing.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
So what you're saying is we're moving to Thailand.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
I mean, honestly, if there was a song in Spanish or Japanese that was catchy and I didn't know the lyrics and I was just repeating the sounds, that's totally plausible.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
I also want to give the people of Thailand a shout-out. They've figured it out. I have friends that do Brazilian jiu-jitsu, and they go over there to train or, like, do Muay Thai, and they're like, dude, I'm living here on $8 a day, eating tremendous food, having fun, a roof over my head. It's amazing.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
And I'm like, man, what am I doing living in my... I mean, I have a good apartment, but it's like, what am I doing over here? We need to... I need to learn how to podcast in Thailand.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
No, no, no. I'm saying go over with all the money you have now.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Like, yeah, yeah. Like, build up a bunch of, bankroll a bunch of money and then move over there and just live like a king. Like, I toured Europe and I ate, I got two steaks, oysters, appetizer, dessert, all for like $70 in Poland. And I was like, maybe I should be a god here.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Oh, well, dude, I'm about to go to Canada, and I'm like, oh, I'm going to be a poor person. Our dollar isn't worth shit over there.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
The currency transfer is crazy. I had like $1,200 Canadian. I got it exchanged in American. It was like, here's $7 in a rubber band, idiot. I was like, oh, crap.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Of course you have to tip, but it's such a... kicking the balls with how expensive it is. I took my mom to a place in the neighborhood. We got two bacon egg and cheese sandwiches, two coffees, two orange juice, and I think I got like an espresso, and it was, with tip, it was $70.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Having a snack, playing N64, NWO versus the world... Your biggest fear was if you farted and you didn't say safety and you couldn't reach the doorknob before your friends beat you up. Life was so much better.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
I don't know, man. I think 9-11 caused a rip in the Matrix and just changed everything.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Yeah, well, I mean, consumerism overtook the 80s, and the biggest problem with New York and the 80s and capitalism was that nobody had forward... Right.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
They were taking Ozempic. They were taking Ozempic for their wallets. They weren't thinking about the future.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Move to Thailand and turn Thailand into the 90s. That's not a bad idea. Dude, you and me go to Thailand. We sell carpet. We put it in people's faces.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Dude, I could see going to Thailand and creating a 90s village where everything feels like the 90s. You get a ground round, a Bennigan's. There's a go-kart laser tag movie place there.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Dude, every Honda Civic has a tape deck turned into a CD player.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Oh, my God.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
I really think the 90s is a mindset that you can have at any time. You just have to be open to it.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Have you tried to go around without a cell phone? No, that's impossible. It's insanity. The level of fear and panic you feel in your brain for the first 25 minutes, it's a drug. You're like... I leave my phone at home sometimes and go on walks or bike rides, and it's painful. Painful.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Yeah, it goes away.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Yeah. And then it feels kind of good. Like, did you ever get, like, too drunk, you, like, lose your phone or your phone breaks, and then you wait a couple days for the insurance to send you a new phone?
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
I remember a feeling of, like, stress and anxiety, and then it was almost like, man, this is kind of good. This is kind of cool. Like, every problem we have is directly related to the phone and the things we do on it. If we all collectively agreed to just smash our phones, like keep the internet for GPS and like banking and stuff.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
But if we got rid of social media and the majority of the things our phones do, I think things would be so much better.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Oh, no, no. I mean, there's no reason why we should be checking our phones at a red light. Like I've been driving with people and they're just like doing stuff on their phone. I'm like, yo, I don't feel comfortable. And they're like, oh, I'm a good driver. And I'm like, dude, what? If I was like taking a pool from a bottle of vodka and you're like, I don't feel comfortable.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
I'd be like, yeah, it makes you calmer behind the wheel. I think I was a crazy person.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
I was at my mom's house this weekend, and I left my phone upstairs to charge, and I was pooping, outside smoking cigarettes, watching TV with her. That's beautiful. It was hell.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Well, let me tell you. I'm a Delta medallion, diamond medallion style. Diamond? Diamond dog. I'm a diamond dog.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
All the time.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
I mean, buddy, I'm waiting to go up to next 95.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
That's the thing. I don't do the lounge.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
I'm a last-minute airport. I want to not stop walking until I'm in my seat. I want to blow through security, walk all the way, and get to my gate right when I board, sit down, then I relax.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
I'm not a hang out at the airport ahead of time guy.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
I'm at the airport every single week of the year, so I try to minimize my time in the airport.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Dude, that's crazy talk, to be in the airport longer than you have to be. It's the craziest thing I've ever seen. I'm not taking it away. The Delta Lounge, amazing. They do great things in there. It's just not for me.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Delta does. And once you become like diamond medallion, it like really – and I don't say it as a means of like, oh, I'm better. Like I feel foolish when I walk in front of people to board Delta. with like Delta 360 and stuff. And then I'm sitting there and everyone's like walking in after me. I almost want to be like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just fly a lot. I'm sorry. I'm a worm.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
I'm, I'm, I'm dirt. Sorry. But you know, it's like, I don't know. I mean, if, if you're flying a ton, it's so worth it. I know people that fly every weekend and they still wait in lines and everything. And I'm like, you're crazy. Like the, the amount of time you're spending somewhere is directly proportional to what you want to, I mean, time is money.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
It's like I don't want to waste my... Precious time. Yeah. I'd rather be scrolling.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Bro, you know what's so weird? Have you ever tried to change behaviors of yours? Like you go to therapy and you're aware that you apologize too much. And then it takes you a while to become aware of this thing. And then once you become aware, it takes a while to then turn that awareness into the action of stopping. I can recognize... I go on my phone when I'm feeling anxious, scared.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
When I'm feeling... procrastination when I'm feeling a void or needing some sort of dopamine hit. And I can recognize that and I'll be on my phone and I'll go, in my head I'll go, you're doing that thing again. You're on your phone and you're using it as an escape tool. You're using it because you feel uncomfortable with something you just experienced or what feeling you have.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
And I hear that voice in my head say it and then another voice overrides it and goes, All right, just look up one more thing. Dude, I'm so close to doing the right thing and going, you're right, self. Put it down. You're right. Instead, I just go, okay, yeah, you're right, but one more thing will make me feel better. And it's such drug addict behavior.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Hey, let's change that language right there. You're not fat. It's how you got disgusting. Okay? So let's just change kind of the words we use.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
There you go.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Wow. See, I look in the mirror. I go, you look like Chaz Bono, you fat sack of gross hot dog shit. Look at you with your fat little belly. What even are you?
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
that's the fat guy that you pick is chas bono yeah you're not fat dude ah thanks no i weigh like 167 but it's all like in my belly i i used to be super skinny and like fit and then i i got injured like over and over and it kept me away from like the gym or riding my bike and i was always eating a ton but i was always physically active And now my metabolism is slowing down.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
I'm still eating as if I'm physically active all the time. And I'm not because I've been like going through all these different injuries and everything. So I'm I got on my bicycle last night. I'm going to the gym after this. I'm trying. And, you know, it's I don't know. It's it's it's tough. When food is so accessible. I feel... I mean, dude, I'm 10 years sober from drugs and alcohol.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
It has been a journey. It has been one of the most difficult things in the world. But I have such a huge space of, like, openness and love for people to struggle with food addiction because the addiction I've had to struggle with is... has been almost insurmountable. And I cannot imagine what it would be like to then face that addiction to something that you need to live and survive.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
My heart goes out to these people. But at the end of the day, put it down, fatty. Work your legs.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
It's really hard. Nobody's ever eaten five McDonald's cheeseburgers and beaten their kids. So it's like a different... No one's been like, oh, God, I ordered too much DoorDash and I got my wife pregnant. It's not the same so you can get away with the bad behaviors.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
But, dude, the taste of good food and eating, the consumption of it, the looking forward to a cut, like it's very –
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
habitually the same as how I would view getting alcohol taking off the little plastic of the bottle taking that first swig you know it's like so similar and plus the chemicals they put in the food and everything is despicable man it's just it's horrible that's why I voted for RSK that's why that guy man he's you know some people say Christ isn't coming back I say he's already here
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
I need hearts like this.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
I drank alcohol the way people did heroin. From the second I got up to the second I passed out.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Yeah, yeah. Big time gutter drunk. Couldn't keep my life together. But I would do coke just to keep it going so I could drink more, you know. But it was all, you know, because I had an emptiness inside of me that I couldn't fill, you know.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
A man. A man. Another man.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Well, any sort of addictive behavior is to fill some sort of void. Like when I just mentioned that I'll recognize I'm on my phone because I'm feeling scared. I'm feeling trepidatious. I'm feeling anxious. I'm feeling like I want to procrastinate. That's all the same things I would do.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
I'd like to say while I was drinking out of fear, blah, blah, but I really loved being fucked up and not being in reality because the reality I had was not the reality that I wanted.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
And so drinking and getting away from that was so much easier than dealing with the hand I'd been dealt in life and the things I'd gone through and facing X, Y, and Z, you know, just as on a micro scale, like the phone is so much easier to get lost in than dealing with the fact that like, oh shit, I got to get my taxes done. I have to make this difficult phone call.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
I have this deadline I have to reach. So it's easy to go to that little addictive thing I have in my pocket.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
He's so sleek and nice. I feel good and I can poop whenever I want.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Oh, you got the new iPhone. I haven't updated it yet.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Oh, you got the iPhone XXX.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
This conversation is so funny because look what I'm using as my...
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
What else would it stand for?
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Oh, the AI stands for all internal. Is that serious? It's an all internal cum sucker. No, no, I'm kidding.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Dude, it's a crazy loud device that has a rubber woman's mouth on it that sucks your penis.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Yes, it's the world's best selling blowjob machine. They send it to us and we hawk it online because I'm not hot enough to just show a hole and make money.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
It's crazy.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
This is the auto blow that we throw at our guests. So we took one apart and we'll put the microphone in it and go, hold on, we have to switch out mics.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Really help out the show.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
feel what you see oh so it sinks when the girl's like it goes yeah it's like literally like you're banging the person that you're watching a video of and you can do four payments of 54.99 with clarna wow so you don't have to buy it all so that this product is proof positive that this is what happens when you get god out of public schools
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
That's my biggest complaint. They go, you're not shooting it as far as you could before. All right, I'm trying. I got to get hooked up with the auto blow.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
I mean, I've got one. It's mint in the box, Kareem.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
I've been with some wild gals. You got a pussy sucker once? You ever been to Thailand? Yeah, it's just a mouth. We got a podcast, Mike Racine goes, it's the pocket wife. Are you going to do the dishes?
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
You have to have a sense of humor to work for these people because there's no way they're like, God damn it, we got to get these in by the deadline. Johnson, what do you got? He's like, it's a meat milker. And they're like, no, no, good, good, good.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Let me tell you what I like to do. See this, Kareem?
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Yeah, crazy, right? Wild.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Yeah, man. Every problem I have today would have been a dream of mine years ago, so things are good.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Trying to keep it that way, man. It's a soul-sucking endeavor, but it's really cool. People are showing up. I'm on the road every single weekend having a blast, putting stuff out, working on X, Y, and Z. It keeps you busy. It keeps me fulfilled. I love meeting people on the road and
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
cool to hear that the thing you're doing resonates with people you know so it's really nice i'm very fortunate i'm incredibly incredibly fortunate are you still doing uh truck stops what trucks oh i heard a rumor where you were doing comedy at truck stops oh you fucking cunt during the band dude during the pandemic we did uh truck comedy shows we would do stand up in the back of trucks in parking that's cool
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
No, it's not. It was horrific. I played for 350 cars at RFK Stadium. It was a nightmare.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Through the radio, and there was a delay, and if they liked it, they would honk.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
I should be like a welder. I should have a family. I don't know what I'm doing. 15 years of this and I'm playing trucks?
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
This is like October 2021. Nothing was going on. We drove down to D.C., did this gig. It was great. You know, it's like, what can you do? It was like we were doing the best we could with what we had.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Let's go.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Hilarious. Republicans are trans because they try to identify as people. Um... I mean, that's funny, but I mean, do you want me to be like jokey or serious? You already made a joke. Well, then let's move on. The logistics of trying to prove if you're a Republican or not going to the bathroom. I mean, it's impossible. But I get it. Yes.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Yeah, I mean, the majority of old Republicans are probably on dick pills, so it's like, you're already doing gender-affirming care. Why don't you just allow it, you cantankerous prick?
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Dude, here's the thing about group chats. I get so excited to be in them. And then I end up taking it too far and I kill the chat. And then I'm going, did I ruin it? Did I ruin it? And it just turns into the thing I have in my head where I'm like, no one's talking to you because they don't like you. And then it's like, oh, no, here's proof.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Well, because I don't respond a lot. And then when I do, I'm catching up on a bunch of stuff. So I'm bringing it back to a conversation from yesterday. And then I'll go off in my head like, oh, this is funny. And then everyone's like, all right, man, we've moved on. Can you keep up with us? And I'm like, oh, sorry. I was in my depression.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Me and two buddies of mine. One used to be a comic. The other is a comic. We're all sober. And it's just basically us finding ridiculous videos on Instagram and being like, oh, hey, look.
SubwayTakes
“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Oh, my one buddy likes wrestling. And some girl on Instagram had a post where she was like, the only things that matter in my life are the Lord Jesus and wrestling. And I was like, oh, Dan, I love your new video. And she said it out loud. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Got like hundreds of thousands of likes. That's fair. Yeah. And then I'm like, here's a well-crafted joke. This is going to do great.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
And people are like, man.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
I like it. I like it just fine, but I'm not a wrestling guy.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Wrestling guy. God.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
How's he going to make it feel delicious?
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Dude, ranch on pizza, amazing. Ranch on... That's about it, but it's good.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Ranch and veggies is great. Oh my god. Cheese fries and ranch? You can't beat it. You just can't beat it. You just can't beat it. Ranch and a woman's fingers you pay on the street to suck? You can't beat it. You just can't beat it. You really can't. Sorry, I was just reading what Dale wrote in the chat. Sorry.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Elbows. No, I'm not a toe guy. Although... When I'm really into someone, I'll be an anything guy. Like if I really like you, I'm like into your armpits. I'm into like sniffing your ear. And I'm not like a jump to toe guy, but I was with a gal and I really liked her and I put her foot in my mouth. And it totally took us both out of it because she goes, I thought you didn't like feet.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
And I'm like, I don't know what I'm doing. I go, I'm in the moment.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
No, thank you. But if you want to, I will.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Oh, look who decided to finally pipe up. Oh, quiet Dale. Getting back at me for all my Dale quirks.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Yeah, I think we DMed and then it went nowhere. But then I found her.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
You really, really did some sleuthing and it was quite incredible. I was quite impressed. I'm a good wingman.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
I would like to think I'm a good wingman.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
as she's wont to do.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
In the basement, I'm a good antagonizer. In the basement, I may pick up easily on what is making someone uncomfortable and give oxygen to that fire.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Yes. Now, if that was the scenario where I could tell that actual feelings were happening or uncomfortability was going on, I would step in. But I thought the service of the joke would be to let it go further.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Well, that's when you give only people crumbs, and then they get a little bit more of the cookie. People are like, oh, it's wonderful. And then I'm always like, would you like cookies? And people are like, get away, freak.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Me too. Such a wonderful guy. I enjoy you very much. That's very kind of you to say. Thank you, Kareem.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Did you ever see Saving Silverman?
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
I don't know why. Just remember the part with Jack Black.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Oh, dude. It's such a classic early 2000s comedy.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
We should start a movie club. I've been kicked out of all of my group texts, and I would love if you, me, and Dale started a movie club chat.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
I'll do that. There's so many movies I haven't seen because I'm too busy just re-watching Saving Silverman.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
All right.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
That's sick. CMMC.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Well, I'm stoked you had me, man. Thank you, Kareem.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
On Instagram, iAnimal69. IanFyDance.com for all my dates. I'm on the road until the end of 2025. And I have a YouTube page for my stand-up. YouTube.com slash IanFyDanceComedy. Or at IanFyDanceComedy. And that's where all my stand-up is. And I'm putting out a travel show and another special. So it's all going to go there. So subscribe to that. Check it out. And be an Ian when she runs the podcast.
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“The only way to get ahead in life these days is to show hole!” with Ian Fidance
Everyone's on YouTube.