Gabby Bernstein
Appearances
Know Thyself
E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
The journey of healing is a journey of undoing the false pretenses that we've placed upon ourselves and returning to who we really are. All of us, no matter how great our upbringing might have been, we all experienced some form of trauma.
Know Thyself
E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Yeah, well, I can continue to just sort of use my journey as an example, also to let your viewers who may not be familiar with me know that just sitting here in this self-energy now did require a commitment, a commitment to my inside. And really from the early days of becoming a spiritual teacher when I was 25 years old, I... began this journey.
Know Thyself
E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Best tea I've ever had in my life. Thank you.
Know Thyself
E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
I actually really think I became a spiritual teacher when I was 14 because I was running the Jewish youth groups in my region. I was like a spiritual Sherpa at the temples. 400 kids would come and have sleepovers. I was leading it. I think I even knew then this is my dharma. I really turned my back on my spiritual faith from a childhood experience. My mom brought me up visiting ashrams.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
She taught me to meditate as a child. I had a lot of spiritual imprints. But by the time I was in my early 20s, I picked up a lot of protectors. And I had probably had them all throughout high school and throughout my life. And they were really protectors like love addiction. I felt like if I'm not in a relationship, I might die.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And I remember one day I was feeling so much shame around that love addiction. My best friend from high school said to me, this is when I was in my early 20s. He said, you know, Gabby, you're never single. What's wrong with you? You're never single. And I was like, oh, that's really shameful. I don't like that feeling. And so he said, I'm going to put down that. And what happened the next day?
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
I picked up cocaine. transferred protectors, right? So for some reason, that relationship made me feel safe from some impermissible feeling, and that was how I was protecting myself. And then when I put that down, I picked up the Coke. And then when I picked up the Coke, that was a big, hard bottom. I hit bottom fast, by the grace of God, 25 years old, 19 years ago to this month. And
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And when I got clean and sober, I took away the drink and the drug, but then I had all these other protectors that started to emerge, right? So workaholism and people-pleasing and controlling. So I had all these other protectors keeping me in place. And then about 10 years into my sober recovery and about six or seven books in and having this Being a teacher, I was 36 years old.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
I was deep in my career. I had a dream. And in that dream, I remembered being sexually abused as a child. And all throughout my recovery of my sobriety, I was like, why did I use? I had a great childhood. Why did I use? I was dissociating and that is a protector as well. So the memory helped me really solidify the reason why
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
the inciting incident, the trauma that led me to, one of the traumas that led me to protect myself in these ways. And then as I continued to journey in my trauma recovery, I began to peel back the layers of the onion and recognize that these protectors were so, so, so extreme. And that even though they led to cocaine addiction or shameful love addiction or workaholism that burnt me out or
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
extreme controlling patterns that might have harmed other people emotionally, that I could have compassion for all of these parts of myself because they were working so, so hard to push down that impermissible feeling from my childhood and to hide it. And then when it emerged, I had no other choice but to face it.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And so the past nine years, I've been really deep in my IFS work, my trauma recovery, and of course my spiritual development. And what I'm so proud of is that courage to do that. So just to define protectors from that place, there's different types of protectors, right? There's managers that are like gonna control everything to feel safe.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And a manager could also be a part of you that's kind of type A or a part of you that's like, you know, every time I feel triggered, I'm going to just rage at someone. But then when those managerial patterns stop working and there's a really big trigger,
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
breakup or a family member shows back up in your life or something scary, we're going to turn to the other types of protectors, which is the firefighters. And the firefighters are the, when they're the putting out the fire, that's the addiction, that's the suicidal ideation, that's the dissociation like I had.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And so as you can see through my journey, I've had many moments of protectors becoming, you know, one's going to be pushed down by another, another one steps in and they're all kind of at odds with each other, these parts of myself, right?
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
So I've got this shameful part that's judging the control freak because she was mean to her staff one day or, you know, the other part that's like, why are you so anxious? You're supposed to be a spiritual teacher, you know? And then, you know, all the while still doing great work in the world while having so much suffering.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Those moments can be so extreme for us as young children that we don't actually have the inner capacity to process those deep experiences of shame or inadequacy or even terror. And so as little, little people, we start building protectors. And those protectors could be people-pleasing or trying to be seen.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And so that's an important message to people is that you can still be in a transformational presence in the world even while you're going through your own work. I think that's important.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
No, I think that we serve through our stories and our stories are what heal. And when we're sitting in the seat of wherever we are in that moment, that's when we are giving the gift. And so, listen, I've written 10 books in 14 years. And a lot of my controlling parts did those, wrote those books up until this most recent one. And
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
as much as that was controlling and writing a book on an airplane while I was on the book tour of the last book, it was an extreme way of living, but it was also creative and it was also in the service of others. It was also in the service of myself. I wrote these books for myself first. And so two things can be true.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
You can be going through deep suffering and doing extraordinary creative things in the world and healing things in the world. And I think most creatives would say that some of their real most healing work came from times of their own healing in the creative process.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
I have been on a particularly about 19 year journey now of unlearning the fear-based beliefs that create the somatic experience of that kind of suffering. And then of course, through unlearning the belief systems, healing the somatic experience and coming through the other side to know what mental freedom feels like. And of course, then physical freedom as well, because
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
It's not release of tension, just for semantic sake, for what we're saying here with IFS, it's release of tension from the exiled feeling. So we've got this extreme childhood, extreme feeling that we'd never want to, we lock it up. We're like, go in the basement, bye. And then we have these protection mechanisms to block it.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And when those are not really working, we go to addiction would be a very extreme one. And the addiction would say, I got to put the fire out. I don't want to feel that anymore. I'm going to numb that out.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
That's a really nice question. When I was writing this book, I was- Which, by the way, self-help. Self-help. This is your chance to change your life.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Aptly named. And when I was writing self-help, I also had the privilege of being a fellow at a recovery center. And so every month I would go and I would give talks at this recovery center. And each month there would be a new group of 100 or 150 addicts that would enter because it was like a 21-day program. and there would be a new group of people coming through.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And so they'd oftentimes be a day or two days clean and sober. Maybe I'd meet them in their first week of sobriety. And the rooms were just filled with shame and blame and detox, and you'd walk in. And this was the work that I was workshopping with them because I often would workshop whatever I was writing at the time because it's on my mind.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And I'd enter these rooms and I would open up with something pretty bold and a little bit risky, but I felt like I had enough self-presence to do this with them. And I would say, first and foremost, I am you. I know you. I recognize myself in you. And I would make that connection. And then I would invite them to share openly or just raise their hand or just get honest with themselves.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And I'd say, how many people in this room have experienced some kind of adverse trauma as a child? And everybody in the room would raise their hand. And then I would ask them to really recognize that for a moment. And then I would say to them, well, that's really difficult stuff to ever have to face. And so wouldn't it make sense that we would do whatever it takes to put out that fire?
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Wouldn't it make sense that we would go to all lengths to not have to feel that? And everyone would sort of nod their head and be like, yeah, that makes sense. Like I would have to just put that out. And then I said, well, if we were going to any length to put out that fire, wouldn't And that led us to addiction.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Can you have a little, possibly open your mind now to see that addiction as something that was trying to protect you? And half the room would be like, no, my addiction is terrible. I'm a piece of shit. And that's where they are. I mean, to ask them to see it differently in that moment might be too extreme.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
But I'd see the other half of the room and they'd be like, for a second, a split second, yeah, maybe I've been using to numb this thing out. And I'm not actually a horrible person. I'm just a wounded person who's been trying to put out the flames. And as the hour would go on, we might be able to get a little bit more and more connected to that addiction.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And so I think that if any addicts are listening or people who are loved ones of addicts, we all have our own forms of addiction. If you can even just simply reframe it for a moment and say, oh, you know, every time I go to the sugar, I'm going there because, you know, I'm triggered by something or there might be something underneath that. I mean, I'm curious.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Or maybe you have more awareness and you know that you're drinking over your childhood wounds. And you could say, well, I have a lot of compassion for myself when I pick up a drink. That's an opening. These are openings to start to open up a new perspective of the why behind the pattern.
Know Thyself
E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
once I have become settled now in my own inner system, my nervous system has settled and my body has settled and my digestion has settled and my physical ailments have settled. And so I'm living the goal of where I've been trying to get to.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Yeah, I'm grateful that you asked because in fact, I'll just take you through the steps because the four steps, it's called a four-step check-in in the self-help book. And the four steps are designed to help you become... curious and compassionate and connected to the part of you. So let's say that something may activate me in the moment. Maybe my husband says something and it super triggers me.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And I have enough awareness now to say, okay, you know what, Zach, I'm going to separate myself for a moment. Let me just step away because this is going to get ugly if I don't. Because I have a part that I call knives out. And when my husband triggers that part, knives are fucking out, man, okay? So I might say, okay, knives out, it's about to step in, so I'm going to step aside, right?
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
So then I have enough awareness. Now, most of the time, we don't have that. And for many, many years, I haven't. But I've done enough of this work now that it's in my system. I can see, oh, I'm not going to a good place. Let me step away. So I could step away and I could do the four-step check-in process. And so the first step would be to choose to check in.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And that choice began by separating myself. And the choice to check in is instead of checking out by knives out, losing my shit on him, just projecting and- Unconsciously reacting. Unconsciously reacting, becoming so blended with the reaction, becoming so righteous in the reaction to a very dark place, which could affect our six-year-old and affect him and affect the bond that we have.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
So instead of going into knives out, I can choose to check inside instead of check out. That's step one. And that's when you focus your attention inward.
Know Thyself
E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Exactly. Yes.
Know Thyself
E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Yeah. And in fact, there's even, we can come back to this. Let's put this on the shelf. There's a chapter in the book about prayer and how that could even be the first step before the first step, right? So we can get to sort of how you get to step one. That's like a whole other topic. I love that you brought that up.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Most of the time you're not going to have the awareness. That's why I want the reader to start to do this with small things, right? So let's keep it more simple for someone that's having their own experience. Like Maybe they're at work and their boss says something a little bit sideways and it makes them a little triggered.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And they're like, I could go off and be mad about this all day or I could choose to check in. Okay, Gabby Bernstein wrote this book. I'm going to follow the book. I'm going to choose to check in. Go to the bathroom, you choose to check in.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Right.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Thank you.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Let's have a whole conversation just on that, okay? Because that's a whole other level, and I'm excited about this. So step one is choose to check in, assuming we have the space, assuming the stimulus and the space was enough. And we then would do step two, which is to become curious about that part of us that's up. So in the case of Knives Out, you know, Knives Out's trying to come through.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
It is exciting. I'm in the there there.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
I'm gonna choose to check in and I become curious. Okay, where does it live in my body? It's in my chest, like always in my chest, like rageful. It's in my jaws clenching. My fists will sometimes even go like this when Knives Out is there. Like I can physically take on the physicality of that part. And I could ask that part, what do I know about you? How long have you been around?
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And it's gonna be like forever, Gabby, we've been here forever. And then I'm gonna ask the part, what else do you want me to know? Are there any images or sensations? And then I see myself as a little girl and it comes to my mind and I see myself just screaming and screaming because my pigtails aren't straight and I just need to control everything and I just need to feel safe and feel in control.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And so I get a little bit more information. I just keep sourcing this information about this part. And as soon as I feel slightly connected to the part with the images and the feelings and the sensations, the third step is to compassionately connect. And that's when you'd ask that part of yourself, what do you need?
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And in asking what do you need, these parts are going to reveal the most beautiful responses. They'll say things like, I need to rest. I need to play. I need to ask for support. I need to speak up. I need to be heard. And that inquiry alone offers these young parts, the little parts, they're young, such awareness and presence. And then the fourth step is to check for the C qualities of self.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And the reason that you want to check is you want to see like, oh, like, how am I feeling better now? And so you would check back in with your system and you'd say, okay, Am I feeling a little bit more calm? Do I feel connected to the part? Do I feel a little bit more compassionate towards myself or the other? Do I have courage to speak up? Do I have a connection, confidence, creativity?
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And you just start going down that list of those eight C's and you see if you have any presence of that self-quality inside of you. And typically, if you're doing this often, self will continue to emerge more and more and more. And the beauty is that now you have a tool that whenever you think you're going to check out, you can check in.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And every time you check in, you expand your connection to self. And as you start to expand that connection to self, you have more and more trust in self. And the more you trust in self, the less extreme you are. And the more you know where to turn. And the more empowered you feel because you're not trying so hard to stay alive. You actually know there's safety inside. And self can help.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Well, then choose to check in with it. Yeah. Choose to check in. Step one.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Yeah, so compassionately connect and say, what do you need? What do you need?
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Yeah. And what I want to point out is that the four steps, and this is why this isn't IFS, this is IFS-informed self-help, to be really clear. IFS would be a similar inquiry inside, but it's guided by a therapist and it's teasing out. It's a much more in-depth process and it's a many differences. What I'm using here are self-like qualities to apply towards your inner condition.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And so you lean on these self-like qualities, which is the choice to check in, and the curiosity to inquire about who this part is, and the compassionate connection of asking, what do you need? And then the checking for the C qualities. So it's
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Leaning on these qualities of self to guide you through this four-step process allows that energy of calmness and connection and curiosity to emerge naturally.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
If you got all eight, then you're right.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
You know, it's funny. I've been noticing even in myself, I'm such a fixer. I have a fixer part, right? Because I just have such a knowing that these things can help. And I'm always wanting to sort of be like, even if my husband has indigestion or something, I'm like, try this supplement. I'm a fixer. I want to give solutions. And that's not what people always want. And that's not what parts want.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
You know, parts want to be seen and they want curiosity. And I mentor a young woman and she'll call me and she has a very huge career. And she'll call me and she'll say this and she'll say that. And I'll immediately go into like, well, let's fix this because you've got a tour. I'll just be like, fix, fix, fix, right? And I noticed the other day when she called me, I said, Gabby, just be curious.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And so instead of going into like pouncing on these parts, I would say, well, how do you feel about that? Or what is that wanting you to know? Or is there something that you think is being revealed here? And I could see how much more beneficial I could be to support her in that seat of curiosity rather than the seat of trying to fix.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And so imagine, and that little kids too, like if you've ever been around a child and my son is six years old, if I try to just be like, do this, do that, he's like, screw you. But if I ask him, Well, how do you feel about that? Or what is it that you need right now? Then that curiosity creates space for his truth to come forward.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And the thing is, is that it's sometimes easy for us to do that with others, but we never would consider doing that with ourselves. All day long, we're going to say, you know, shame or blame ourselves for having these patterns or try to fix things really fast, but instead offering that curiosity.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
IFS is internal family systems therapy. It has nothing to do with your outside family. It has to do with an inner family of parts of who you are. IFS was invented by my very dear friend and mentor and brother, truly like a brother, is Dr. Richard Schwartz. He invented this therapy sort of by accident, truly. He was a family therapist. And so systems, family systems was his model.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Just to be heard.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
You know, my husband will ask me, it's really helpful. He'll say, do you want my advice or do you want me to listen? And that's great because sometimes I want his advice. Sometimes I just want him to listen. It's so great.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Well, in the book and in my work, I don't touch exiles. I want you to know that they're there and I want you to understand that the protectors are protecting the exiles. But the reason I don't want to go to the exiles is the traumatized parts.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
They're the little traumatized children or the experiences that were so impermissible, that were so scary, so shameful, so fearful, so traumatizing that we live our whole lives trying to avoid them and to protect against them. And the reason I don't want to touch them is because I want to teach people how to relate to the protectors.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And as the protectors begin to relax, they become a little bit more and more curious about the exiles. And that might guide them to IFS therapy or to another form of therapy where they can do one-on-one work with a trauma therapist or someone who specializes there. Because it's very frightening when people are in the world, like self-help people that aren't licensed and don't have the
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
ability to handle or hold the space that are like, I'm a trauma person, or let's rip off the bandaid. Like you better run the other fucking way if somebody says that to you, because these parts are being hidden for a reason. It's like a pressure cooker. If you just turned off, if you just started to open the pressure cooker, it would explode. We don't want to explode.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
There's protection mechanisms that are doing a really good job keeping the big feelings And we just want to calm these protection mechanisms. And as they start to calm and we build up more self, we become safer inside and that safety, then we have more presence to bring to the exiles. So the exiles, they need our support, but I recommend IFS therapy for that.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Yeah, if you have an exile and you just try to go into it or you go do like some kind of journey or something and your trauma just emerges and then you come out of it and you're like, I'm living in it, you become blended in it again. When I remembered my trauma from my childhood, for many months, I was living in the little girl. I was so blended with that girl.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And in working with women who were, he had a period of time where he was working with women who were struggling with eating disorders and binging. And they would speak in session about these parts of themselves that would take over. That part of me takes over when I want to binge or a part of me takes over when I want to self-harm. A part of me takes over when I am self-loathing.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And thankfully I had all the resources and the therapy. And listen, not everybody's gonna be able to have access to a therapist. And thankfully there's more services these days that make it more affordable. But not everyone's going to have that access, and this book may be all they have. And so still the suggestion would be just begin by doing the inquiry with these protectors.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Don't go straight to the exile because the exile is a little scared. It's not even a little scared. It's terrified. And we want to not rip off that Band-Aid.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Well, the good news is that we're not trying to get rid of parts. We're just trying to calm them down. So for instance, my controller wrote 10 books in 14 years. We don't want to stop her. She's going right now after I leave you to go write another book at a commune. I'm going to go spend two days finishing a book, right? As I'm launching this one. And that's because there's inspiration.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
That's because there's joy. That's because... I have the space inside of me. I'm a medium. I'm channeling this material. It's coming through me. I have to allow it. So it's beautiful. And had that been me writing a book five years ago, I would have felt like I have to get on the plane and get that book done or get to the next place to finish it. I have a deadline.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Right now, I'm like, I've got two days and and space. I'm going to go take those two days and I'm going to hide in a little cabin and drink nice coffee and going to channel a book. And so that is really different. So the controller needs to still be in my life because she has a lot of things she has to do, right? My controller part was in Phoenix yesterday giving a talk.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
She's had nine podcasts in LA. She's writing a book this weekend and then she's going to Denver on Monday to give another talk. And then she's going to go home and have Halloween with her son. So she's got to be sort of in control, right? But she doesn't have to do it in such an extreme way. She's not burnt out anymore. She's not so controlling that she's so unpleasant to be with.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
She's not so controlling that she's projecting onto the future and making other people around her crazy. She's in a place where the part, the controlling part, I call it a she. My parts are women, female. And they can have different genders, mine are female. where that part of me is so settled now that she can do the great work. She's not stopping anytime soon. She'll be working until she's 100.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And then at times they might talk a little bit about this other part of themselves that feels really compassionate towards these behaviors or part of themselves that at times could feel calmer or feel more connected. And he'd ask them, well, what's that part of you? And they would say, that's myself. That's just self.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And she can do the great work in a less extreme way. But I don't want her to go away because I got things to do in this lifetime. If she just disappeared, I'd be sleeping, right?
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
I can rename that. Like she's not a controller. Now she's just like an untethered force of light.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Well, the controller part that wrote 10 books in 14 years, I didn't try to make that part
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
shamed and blamed I helped it calm down and so I can rename it like I said now it's an untethered force of light and she's you know creating in a really cool space or instead of the controller I could maybe call her like the badass you know get stuff done with joy kind of thing you know whatever you want to rename it I don't care But that essence is still part of me. I can get a lot done.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
I can expand time. I can be a boss. I can run a team. I can be a mom. I can travel. I can come to you and the next hour be working and writing. I can also rest. But I can do it in a less extreme way now. So the part has... grown up. The part has emerged. The part has had a chrysalis, truly. And so it's not saying that we stop these parts, right?
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Like my addict part is no longer active inside of me. And now I can see that part as like finding this like extreme joy in things instead of extreme, you know, checking out, right? So I think that that's important, though. It's important to identify that these parts of us don't need to go away. They're not bad. They have to just be unburdened.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And what Dick realized was that the same way there's patterns and dynamics and triggers and family relationships, the same was happening to all these parts inside these patients. Recognizing that we are not one mono human.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Absolutely. I mean, I'm so proud and grateful for these extreme parts of myself because they've done good work in the world and they've got me to where I am today and they've brought me to my knees so that I could heal and There's only love and connection to these parts of myself. And I'm so grateful that they had a presence in my life and that they have now become more safe.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And I'm not in any way saying that I don't have extreme parts anymore. I'm just saying that I have a new way of relating to them. And that it's really very, a lot of this freedom inside is very new for me also, like really even like a few weeks new. I've even noticed in my marriage, just like having that space to step away and to just witness.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And we have to come back to the space between the stimulus and the response, right? Most people may not have the space to even slightly adjust from being triggered and going into the protection mechanism, to the protector part. So that's why I'm going to say when you first start this book, do it with the parts that's around all the time that you have enough awareness of.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Like anxiety is a good one. Like checking in with your anxiety. You know what you can voice. Oh, I'm anxious right now. And so there's a whole chapter in the book called Anxious Parts. And so you can just, the next time you notice that your anxiety is really taking over and you're willing to do whatever it takes, read that chapter and check in with your anxious part and give it attention.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Totally, totally.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Totally. Because what we often try to do with these extreme patterns or these feelings is we try to push them down or numb them out or avoid them or shame them. And instead, what if we just looked at the part and said, oh, I see you anxiety. I know that you're there. Maybe we can choose to check in with you. What you're doing also is you're recognizing that it's not who you are.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
We are having an experience of many different parts of ourselves inside, often protection mechanisms and a lot of extreme patterns and behaviors that have been there for most of our life. You often check in with these parts of yourself and say, how long have you been around? That's like forever, you know?
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
It's just a part of who you are.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And so through the practice of IFS, we dismantle, calm, and settle the protectors so that self can emerge. You're recognizing that it's not who you are, it's just a part of who you are. And now here's a four-step practice to do it. The beauty is that now you have a tool that whenever you think you're going to check out, you can check in.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Beautiful. Yeah. I think that the pretenses that we place upon ourselves are also protectors. And the journey of healing spiritually and therapeutically is a journey of undoing the false pretenses that we've placed upon ourselves and returning to who we really are.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Even just noticing that space and just seeing it for a moment is a huge win.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
That's the whole point of this check-in process. Because the more you check in, the less you check out, the more space you create. And then the easier it is, like any habit, to choose to check in instead of check out.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And it allows you to look at the difficult, extreme parts of yourself and say, okay, what do we have to learn? What do you want me to know? We got some work to do. This is a great opportunity. Listen, they don't call it self-help or nothing, right? It's self-help. It's having the courage and the bravery to say, I see that there's something that's happening inside and I want to take a look at it.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And if you've ever said to yourself, you know, a part of me gets really triggered when my girlfriend does this, or a part of me gets really triggered when I don't have that job opportunity or whatever it might be. We are actually speaking for almost like a subpersonality, right? And so to keep this very simple, because that's my gift.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And now here's a four-step practice to do it.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Well, I like what you said. There's this beautiful concept in IFS of getting into relationship with the part. And the more that we can get into a relationship with these parts of ourselves, we can stop blaming them and we can just keep connecting to them.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And that's the greatest relationships you'll ever have because you're looking at yourself every day and you're like, okay, I've got this world of little children inside of me and they need my attention and I can relate to them because I've got a tool and a practice to do that. And it becomes safer and safer and safer to do it. It's really beautiful.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Yeah, I mean, there's a big part of me that's been lingering for a long time and only in the last maybe five days since it started to really settle. Okay, it's fresh here, fresh material. It's this part that's been around forever and its voice is saying, if I don't do it, nobody else will.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And I've been working with her for many years and I've had some big breakthroughs with her recently in my IFS therapy and on my own. And in that, I've also become a different point of attraction and having those breakthroughs. And so in that new state of my energy, I was able to actually start attracting some new talent to my team and people that I really trusted.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And, you know, people like Josh, who's in the room with us right now. And for the first time, a VP of marketing, who I feel really confident about and just feel like I can hand things off to him. And I wouldn't have been able to attract that kind of person into my life if I hadn't done the work to undo that belief.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And to speak for that part, you know, to even say to my team, you know, I know I'm being a little controlling right now, but It's just that part of me that still believes this dot, dot, dot. Thank you for your patience. And the part in this moment
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
feels really steady and she still gets triggered when something isn't done the way she wants it or when she's sort of like, you know, we should be doing so much more. Like, why am I not getting the most out of this situation? And she's still present and still active and going to keep working with her because she's not complete, but she's feeling so much more settled than she ever was before.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
I was on the phone with my VP of marketing this morning and I was getting my makeup done and talking to him for an hour. And at the end of it, I was like, you know, bro, I think I might cry right now. But I was like, I feel so good inside to know that I can really trust that you're going to do what you believe is right with this.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And in this new book that we're going to talk about today, I'm taking IFS and with the blessing of Dick Schwartz, making it self-help. But to give you the full picture of IFS, the goal is to recognize and honor these protection mechanisms, which in IFS are called protector parts, and to recognize who those protectors are protecting.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And it may not be exactly the way I would have done it, but I trust you to do it. And that's like, I explained to him, like, this is a really big deal for me to trust somebody in that way. And I have plenty of people on my team that I did, but in the marketing side, it was really hard. It's a hard, hard person to hire for it.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
But the fact that he's there in his presence and he started crying on the phone and we were both just like having this really beautiful emo moment. My makeup artist is like, this is the most beautiful moment he's listening to on speakerphone. It's like the most beautiful moment I've ever heard.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And it really was because I got to express my gratitude for him, but also for myself being able to let him do his thing. And to be a partner, not a dictator. And this is a part that I've been working with for so many years. This part has really been harmful at work, right? She's really shown up. She's really been scary. She's not made people feel safe.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And even if she's a good person and they love her, it's still unsafe. And she's really settling. And it was just a beautiful thing to witness.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Yeah, I mean, one of my next ventures is going to create a training called self-impact training. where I'm going to teach leaders, whether it's a business leader, a thought leader, or a life coach or entrepreneurs, how to lead and do their work from a place of self and how to make an impact. Because the impact that we want to make can only really be made when we have an impact on our inner world.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
So using this tool from this book and other practices that I've developed over the years of recognizing where true impact really comes from. And a lot of that is learning how to relate to your parts and heal your parts so that you can relate to others in a way that's empowering and safe and curious and calm and compassionate and connected and creative.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Because when you're not there, you're in your parts and you're showing up to your... One time my therapist said to me, I think it might be best if your 10-year-old self didn't show up. Your 10-year-old part didn't show up to work anymore. And I was like, that might be a good idea.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Yeah.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Yeah. Well, thank you for being in self with me today.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
So fast.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And those protectors are protecting very young, exiled experiences from our past. So all of us, no matter how great our upbringing might have been, we all experienced some form of trauma, whether it's big T or small T trauma. In my case, I experienced sexual abuse as a child. That's a big T trauma.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Yeah, I mean, I think of a lot of spiritual followers, right? People who are on a spiritual path. Am I correct? The content's very spiritually grounded. And I think that one thing to notice for people, and this is only because I'm speaking for a part that I had for many years, was the part that might spiritually bypass.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
For many years, I was, you know, training in Kundalini and like meditating for hours and channeling and all of that was extraordinary and it was better than using drugs, but it was also a protector part. It was trying to get above the suffering rather than relating to the suffering. And so spirituality is a through line within everything I touch.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
So everything I taught today is a spiritual practice and recognizing that sometimes that spiritual practice is in that inner inquiry and not so about getting above or beyond it. And so that's, I think, a nice place to leave that little acknowledgement that I've been a spiritual teacher for 19 years. And for half of that time, I was spiritually bypassing.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And it wasn't meaning that my spiritual experiences weren't absolutely true, magnificent, supportive, healing, exactly where I could be in that moment. But it would have been cool to hear somebody be like, oh, you know, you don't have to go above it. You can get into it.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
That's right.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
I did all kinds of holistic healing remedies and and practices and breath work to heal my gut. And it was only until I healed my trauma that my gut could heal.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
That's where prayer comes in. I've had many. One of the biggest ones was postpartum depression, which for me led to suicidal ideation. And I was trying to wellness bypass that condition. I spent four months trying to take the supplements and do the acupuncture and the mediums and the yoga and wouldn't acknowledge that I was having a biochemical condition. And what I needed was an antidepressant.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Some people may have experienced a teacher telling them that they were stupid or a poor attachment figure. And that could seem like it's not a big deal. It could be like, oh, that was just like, you know, one time on the playground or one time in the classroom.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And I did not need, no amount of ashwagandha was going to save me from that biochemical condition. And that was a big, big opportunity for me as a thought leader in the spiritual space to be able to speak very loud about the fact that we need medication at times, that we need support that may not look like the wellness path that we'd
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
might think is the only way because that's fucking bullshit and it will take your life. And sometimes you need hormones and sometimes you need medication or you need a surgery. And when we, and that recognizing God is in the medication, God is in the doctors. And it's when we bypass that, that we miss the healing opportunity. And depression is,
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
these tools don't work when you're having a biochemical condition. Because when you're in a real depression, you don't actually have enough space between the stimulus and the response, right? And so the only thing I would offer there is a prayer and pray for help, pray for help. And that's all I could do.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And that prayer for help finally allowed me to hit my knees, finally allowed my therapist to intervene, finally allowed me to get to the right psychiatrist, finally allowed me to get the right medication. And so, and to accept that God was in the medication.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And so I really want to emphasize that if someone's struggling with a chemical issue or a postpartum disorder or a hormonal, I'm in menopause now, I'm 45 and I'm in menopause and I'm young in that state and I'm now on hormones and I'm sexier than ever and I feel fucking awesome. And so not taking those hormones because I'm too holistic would destroy me.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
But those moments can be so extreme for us as young children that we don't actually have the inner capacity or the brain capacity to process those deep experiences of shame or inadequacy or fear or even terror.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Totally.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Wait till you turn 40, honey. You're going to be like, okay, well, what do I need now?
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
It's easy to not need any kind of pharmacology when you're just functioning at a high level. But keep going. Sorry.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
i think for the for certain people at certain points in their life like is it it can't be an amazing tool for example antidepressants where somebody is so biochemically in a fog where they can't see straight or a mother who's postpartum period i'm going to save lives saying that yeah because you have listeners that are very spiritual they're on their wellness path and they might feel shame around taking an antidepressant when they're having postpartum depression but you know what it will kill you if you don't i've also seen not all people but if you're in a suit it's like you can take you to suicidal ideation yeah
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
I have had big debates about this with big leaders in this space. And I think it's very, very dangerous to shame or in any way or shape or form put down modern medicine because people need it. And, you know, particularly women, because our hormones, I need to be really on this platform speaking this, you will never know the suffering that a woman has to endure.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And it's just by the nature of you being a man. And we have hormonal fluctuations all throughout our life. But starting in our mid-30s, we go through and we start to go into perimenopause. And when those hormonal upheavals begin, we don't have... It's now in the zeitgeist, which is wonderful, but it hadn't been for so long.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And so women would silently suffer extreme mood swings, hot flashes, and not just the typical things like mood swings and hot flashes, but anything like... you know, not sleeping, physical pain, frozen shoulder, just total brain fog, like literally cannot remember your best friend's name, extreme conditions. And you're just not able to function or thrive in the world. And
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And so as a result of not having an adult figure to help us process it, and definitely as a child not being able to process it, we unconsciously say, our brain says, never want to feel that again. I'm going to shut that down completely. And I'm going to do whatever it takes to protect against that feeling. And so as little, little people, we start building protectors.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
When women have gone unmedicated, they've lost their jobs, they've lost their marriages, they've, you know, their children will tell them, you know, mom, when you were, you know, 10 years ago, you were really difficult. You know, they're like, really? I was? Because they didn't have enough awareness around this.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And so I'm going to speak for this, you know, that hormone replacement therapy is something that is being spoken about very proudly right now. And women that do lose their hormones, it starts to lead to many other physical conditions like cholesterol and diabetes and heart disease and dementia. And so it's, I'm not pushing hormones.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
People have many different paths, but to just suggest people to be curious and to be open because it's serious. Of course.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
I think that you need to figure out what's right for you, but don't let shame take you away from the miracle. And I think that these things all do work together, right? So I may take estrogen, but I also will take ashwagandha or I'll also take, you know, a Androgen support supplement or whatever, you know what I'm saying? So these things all can coexist together.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And really the biggest thing is to do the inner work because without that, you don't have enough inner awareness to even be able to discern what is right for you.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
like so identified in the personality right and and utilizing both is is really important so yeah just curious as as we're wrapping up here i have uh had a daily meditation practice for 19 years and it's also just part of my day so even if i'm in the car for 10 minutes and i'm
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
um in an uber and i've got five minutes in between i'll go to my mantra or my breath and i wouldn't be who i am i wouldn't be sitting here i wouldn't have had the uh the expansiveness inside to do this kind of work if it weren't for the steadiness that my meditation practice has provided me And I also have access to that tuning in fast. I've got that access and the more I've developed it.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And those protectors could be people pleasing, or it could be trying to be seen as a little kid, constantly asking for attention and wanting to be seen. And now they're like 50 years old and they're like checking their likes all day, thirsty for likes, right? It carries on for decades and decades. And so these protection mechanisms become the extreme patterns that we often shame most in ourselves.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
These parts of us are so extreme because they're just trying to protect us. They're working really, really, really hard to keep us feeling safe. And when we can see them through that lens, we can feel compassion for them.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And to just open your heart to these extreme patterns and behaviors and see them as protection mechanisms that are just trying to keep you from really tough stuff that you don't want to have to face.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Thank you.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Yeah. I mean, I just want people to get their hands on this book and I think that it would be huge value for them. And there's also, you know, people really like this work and they want to go deeper with it. I have a, in my coaching membership app, I've got hundreds of meditations and workshops and two-minute daily practices and 10-minute coaching practices and talks.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
But I also have these 11 self-help practices where I take the reader through the check-ins. So if you're like, I want to check in with my anxious part, but I don't know how to do it on my own yet, Gabby can do it with me. And so I can take them through this check-in process. It's a really cool thing. Or I can do the body parts, like checking in with your body parts if you're having pain or
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
any kind of emotional distress or something like that. So yeah, that's it. That's just my website, deargabby.com.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Yeah.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
It's nice to meet you.
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E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Totally new friend. I also want to thank your perfectionist part because I think that your perfectionist part did a really nice job creating this space. Don't you think?
Know Thyself
E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Like we all have the- My husband has a perfectionist part and he's really good at interior design. And I think that that's a quality that a lot of decorators have.
Know Thyself
E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
It's like, let's just fine tune everything.
Know Thyself
E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Yeah.
Know Thyself
E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Yeah.
Know Thyself
E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And so with IFS, we can start to bring self, which is that part that these women would speak about. They would say, oh, well, sometimes I feel calm and sometimes I feel compassionate. That's just myself. That essence, that Buddha nature, the God within us, the love within us, the compassionate connection, it's like an inner parent, is always inside of us.
Know Thyself
E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And self just has been blocked by these protectors. And so through the practice of IFS, we dismantle and calm and settle the protectors so that self can emerge. And in my book, what I'm doing is making this therapy self-help. It is not an IFS book, it's a self-help book, but now you understand why it's called self-help, right? Because when self emerges, self can help these younger parts.
Know Thyself
E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And every time you check in, you expand your connection to self. And the more you trust in self, the more empowered you feel because you're not trying so hard to stay alive. You actually know there's safety inside and self can help.
Know Thyself
E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And I did that through a four-step process, which we can work on today.
Know Thyself
E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Yeah.
Know Thyself
E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
There's no bad parts, yes.
Know Thyself
E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Well, I feel like I have a lot of self energy right now with you. So I'm curious about you and I'm calm. here in this beautiful space with my rose tea. And I feel connected to you. I feel like a really nice connection in the room. And I have a lot of confidence. I'm extremely confident right now. I'm really proud of myself. I have a lot of courage in this point in my life.
Know Thyself
E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
I'm just like, probably if you were to ask me, Gabby, what are you most proud of? Is my courage to have gone to the really dark places and to really tough stuff and to have healed these tough wounds to come out the other side.
Know Thyself
E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And so as I define the feelings that I have in this moment, and as I sit here and I imagine that you can feel that presence with you, it's not like you're sitting here and you're like, ah, she's bullshitting me, whatever. She says a nice, saying some nice things. I think you feel that, right? You feel that I'm calm in your presence and I'm connecting and
Know Thyself
E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
I have a lot of courage to just show up and confidence to be in the room. That energy is self-energy. And so we all have that energy. It's within us. It's around us. It's our true nature. And that energy, oftentimes most people only have fleeting moments of that energy.
Know Thyself
E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Maybe in Shavasana or maybe after a long run or maybe after a really deep therapy practice and they feel so much compassion for these parts of themselves. And these are fleeting moments. And most of the time, the majority of people are just living from these protectors to protectors. Like something gets triggered, they go into a protection mechanism and they run to the refrigerator.
Know Thyself
E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Something else gets triggered and they start, you know, people pleasing or something else gets triggered and they start controlling everything. And we live managing our lives all day long. And when we're in these managerial roles, we don't have access to this calmness and this presence that I can have with you right now. And that connection and that creativity, it's very childlike.
Know Thyself
E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Like if you hang out with Dick Schwartz, who's founded IFS, he's been doing this for so many years. He's like a 73-year-old man. It's like being with like a 10-year-old. Like it's so childlike and joyful. And I know I'm in self when I'm feeling that joy.
Know Thyself
E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
You know, last night I had a girlfriend looking at me and we were at dinner and I was looking at the menu and I was like, I think I want the tacos. I was like, but I definitely want the abuela chicken soup. And I was like, I definitely want that sopa. And I was going so excited about it. We were just like speaking in Spanglish and I was just having the best time.
Know Thyself
E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And she looked at me and she goes, Gabby, you're having so much fun. She's like, it must be so fun living your life. And I said, I can say that I'm having a lot of fun now, but it took a long time to get here.
Know Thyself
E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And so through the journey of identifying these protector parts inside myself and offering them the gentle inquiry and getting to know them and offer them connection and compassion and curiosity through the journey of IFS and many other modalities, spiritual practices and different therapies, but particularly IFS, I've been able to help these parts of myself become less extreme.
Know Thyself
E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
And as they are no longer in that managerial role of trying to control everything, they can relax and in that relaxed state, self can emerge. And so the best way to define self is just to offer it to you here and say, well, how do you feel hanging out with me right now? Self begets self.
Know Thyself
E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
It's so good to be here. I think I have died and gone to podcast heaven with my rose tea. If anyone could just like catapult themselves into this room, it's fun.
Know Thyself
E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Right?
Know Thyself
E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Yeah.
Know Thyself
E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
That's right. For sure. And self ignites self in others, right? So if I had showed up here and I was like all frazzled and, you know, kind of freaking out and like, you know, trying to control the setting and being a little bit, maybe how I might've been three years ago or something, right? Because I was into many other parts then. I would have pulled it off. I'm a professional.
Know Thyself
E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
I would have gotten into connection, but it might have taken me a little bit longer. And maybe you would leave with a different experience of me and maybe the greatest virtues of you might not even have been able to develop because we are always vibrating at each other's access to self. And when you're around people, then they're in that energy of self. You feel calmer. You feel more creative.
Know Thyself
E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
You feel more confident. It just has a ripple effect. It's beautiful.
Know Thyself
E126 - Gabby Bernstein: Rewire Limiting Beliefs, Heal Your Wounded Parts & Find Inner Freedom
Yes, my friend.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
My journey was I used IFS in my trauma recovery and my sober recovery. It was a therapeutic practice that I had that my therapist was using with me. And then I went on to get trained in the model because it was just so awesome. It had done such a great gift. It had done such a service to me. And so I became trained in it.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And then it was very clear to me as I was preparing to write this next book that this book had to be about democratizing this therapy because not everyone's going to have the access to therapy or the desire to go that fast and that deep or the commitment to it or the time or whatever their story might be.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And so my job as the translator and the demystifier was to take this very big, very important body of work and make it self-help. And so here we are. It is a four-step practice that addresses these young wounds within us. So you know this. You've spoken to this in your own words. We have these experiences from our childhood that are too extreme for the child part of who we are to actually manage.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Our brain can't handle it. We don't have the ability. We have no idea how to manage these extreme emotions. Yeah. without a proper caregiver to help us move through that naturally, we become burdened by it. And it becomes a belief that's so scary to face and the beliefs and the feelings and the trauma and the shame and the inadequacy becomes too scary to actually ever touch.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And so we just shut it down. And the way that we shut it down is with all these different protection mechanisms. So, you know, even as a little kid, right?
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Like maybe, you know, it's like bullying so that you don't have to feel like you're not good enough or starting to judge other people so you don't have to feel inadequate or perfectionism so you can feel like you're being seen or overdoing it so that you can have that attention that you desire and long for. And these become these protection mechanisms that we use from... childhood to the present.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Okay. So those little parts of us, like my controller part or my rageful part, these parts of me have been around for four, you know, 45, you know, 40 years. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Because I've, I've lived the experience of these, these repeated behaviors. Right. So that's, what's called protector parts is the repeated behavior.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And at the time I was running a business here in New York City where I was representing nightclubs and really in the scene and really thinking that that was what life was about, right? Yeah. seen having president on my business card, getting past the velvet ropes, like just the bullshit. I was also 25, 20 years old.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
extreme behavior that we act out with on a day-to-day basis to protect ourselves from the impermissible feelings from our past.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
So the four steps are about letting this energy of what's called self with a capital S. And so some folks might think of self as their God within them or their Buddha nature or their spiritual essence or their inner guidance system or intuition.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And in IFS, self is these C qualities of curiosity and connection and compassion and courage and commitment and knowing that you are just in that essence of love. And that is an essence that we all have.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
It's what we're born with. It's who we are. It is our true nature. And the practice here is about helping these younger patterns, these protector parts, remember that self is there and make that connection.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
So the first step is to maybe identify that there's a part that you have that maybe like, have you ever said like, oh, a part of me gets really freaked out when so-and-so does X, Y, Z or whatever. Right. You know, or a part of me gets really controlling at work or whatever the story might be. And for those of us who are trauma survivors, you know, we have a lot of parts.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And so they're protecting us and becoming aware of that or just becoming aware that maybe you have a feeling or a sensation that is undesirable in your life.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And so when you notice that trigger and you notice that you want to respond to that trigger by acting out or lashing out or whatever it might be, the first step is to choose to check inward, to check in rather than check out.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Right.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
It would look like raging or drinking or binging or whatever it is. Yep. And so choosing to check in is the operative word choice, right? It has to be our choice to do the work. Yeah. So choosing to check in. And then when you do that, you just focus your attention inward. And you just notice inside what, and do this with yourself right now as I talk to you. You don't have to say anything.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Just think about a part that's pretty active. You know, there's stuff that's going on. Yeah. And so just think about that part that might be up right now and just choose to check in if you feel called. Mm-hmm. And just become a little curious about that part of you. So where does it live in your body? And you don't have to respond just for yourself. Where does it live in your body?
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And what does it feel like? And what do you know about it? You can say to the part, you know, how old are you? How long have you been around? Oh, wow. Yeah. And also just getting a little bit more curious, you can, you know, say, show me any images or some kind of story or thoughts that might be associated with the part. You could ask it to speak to you.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Yeah. And then the third, once you feel a little bit connected to that part, which I even noticed that you got that connection, you can connect even further by saying to the part, compassionately connect and ask that part of you, what do you need? Yeah. And then you'll hear often the part where we'll say, I need a hug or I need to rest or I need to dance or I need to play or I need to be seen.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
That is important at that time, I suppose. But for me, it was a blessing that I hit such a hard bottom so fast because my drug of choice was cocaine. So using cocaine will take you down. And thank God I was using it then and not now. I mean, I would have been dead. Definitely would have been dead. Yeah. So that drug took me down.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
It's taking care of that inner child. You're giving it the attention that it always wanted.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And then the last step is really just a nice step. You can just check for those C qualities of self. Like, do you feel a little bit more calm?
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Do you feel courageous? Do you feel more connected? Yeah. Do you feel curiosity?
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
That's right. Yeah. So those little inner children, that's the language you want to use. That's totally the same thing. Those little inner children are very blended with who we are as adults. And when we get triggered, we become them. Right. We can, you know, if you've ever like had a fight with a spouse or you just like lose your shit. Right. And you just really was that. Yeah.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
You've already said to yourself, like, whoa, who was that? Yeah. That's a part. Yeah. I've been there.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
I can say right here, right now, 45 years old, I am not fully healed, but I feel fucking awesome. I love that. And I have devoted my life to undoing the fears of my past so that I could live in the light and the love of who I am.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And in the devotion of myself. And then, of course, in the devotion of my readers. And if you asked me if I was sitting here two years ago, I wouldn't be saying the same thing I'm saying right now. Even a year ago, I wouldn't be saying the same thing I'm saying right now. I'm a constant evolving transformation. But right now, I am actually really living in the miracle. Okay, you're my goal.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
This is going to sound like a broken record, but I would check in with the part of me that's affected.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
So I would do that exact four-step process where I'd be like, okay, what part of me, I noticed that I'm super affected by this comment or whatever it might be. I'm going to choose to check in. And then I would get curious, like, what do you want me to know? How long have you been around? Any images? The same thing. And then I'd say, what do you need? And then I'd notice the shift because
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
The activated parts of us, the things that get activated are usually because of a childhood wound, right?
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
I might not give a shit about somebody talking shit about me in social media, but maybe you would, or I'm doing that, not us, but like, or like I might lose my mind if somebody like says that they're not going to like do the thing I want them to do, but maybe that would blow off your shoulders. You know what I mean?
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And I, even when I was using, always had stacks of self-help books next to my bed. And I would always be reading spiritual texts and really wanted another way of perceiving the world. But obviously that was the opposite of where I was. And I remember I was at this after hours party right before I got clean. And there's people in my apartment. I was like in this like one room studio apartment.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
So we all have these core wounds that we, when activated, we go into the part would become blended with that part.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
The triggers are the sign we need to check in. Yeah.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
It was like so dingy. Trash was outside the window. It was awful. And I was looking at these people and I'm like, I'm going to be a motivational speaker and a self-help book author. And they were like, nice fucking try. And...
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Well, we're all energy. Yeah. And the beliefs that we carry inform our feelings. And our feelings are the energy that we extend. And so if we're on that repeated path of that hamster wheel of the same belief of I'm not good enough or I'm inadequate or no one's going to help me or I'm never going to have the love I want, we're repeating it and repeating and repeating it.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Ultimately, we're feeling it. And that feeling is the vibe. And those vibes speak louder than our words.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Because you could meet somebody like we just dropped in you and I today.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
i i realized that because i would look at those books i knew that there was something more for me i knew it i felt it psychically i just i had a call and by the grace of god i made the decision we talked about this earlier it's you know getting sober is about making a decision to choose a different path and on october 2nd of 2005 i asked for a miracle i was like i need a miracle
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
It was like we just met each other. We dropped right in because both of us were just sort of, you know, excited to meet each other. We were very disarmed. You know, if if I had come in with like an agenda or I was like having a bad moment from earlier today, like that would have affected that connection that we made when we walked in. Yeah. And so that's the vibe.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
It's not just having positive thoughts. The positive thoughts are a step. Affirming how you want to feel is a step. Yeah. But I'll keep coming back to it. I think that, like I said earlier, the real flex is just getting to the inner healing. But that's a small step each day. It's not a huge rip off the bandaid.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And so if your vibe is off, you could maybe do one small thing today to adjust that vibe. So it could be that you listen to one of your podcasts because it lifts you up or not, you know, or someone listened to you. Yeah. Or it could be that you read a passage from a book or Open May Cause Miracles to one of the days in that 40-day practice, right?
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
These little adjustments absolutely shift our energy, shift our thoughts, and then we start to add up the miracles. Yeah, okay. Add up the miracles.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Appreciation for what you do have because that ultimately creates more of what you want.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Yeah, I mean, judgment, attack thoughts, jealousy, comparison. But again, we don't want to put down those aspects of ourself either because those aspects of ourself, once again, have a lot to reveal to us. Right, right. So when you judge yourself for judging, you create more judgment. Right. It's just a cycle. Right.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
So instead, you could maybe sort of get into a story of like, well, I'm noticing that I'm judging. Mm-hmm. I'll check in with the part of me that's judgmental. And then what do I know about it? And it's like, oh, well, this doesn't feel good. Or this reminds me of when I was in high school and somebody else got the thing I wanted. And, you know, so you start to unpack it for yourself.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Yeah.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Well, I would say first and foremost, recognizing the thoughts and beliefs that are misaligned with what it is that you want to attract, right? Because if you're like, I want to attract love, but all day long you're thinking like I'm unworthy of love or no one's ever going to love me, then, you know, you're in the way. Yeah. You're in the way.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Notice if you're manic manifesting also, like a lot of people are like, I'm doing all the things. I'm doing the vision boards and I'm listening to the podcast. I'm doing the meditations and blah, blah, blah. And they're just like kind of just crazy energy. That's not going to manifest.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Yeah. I think that one of the secrets to manifesting is surrender.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And in my book, Super Attractor, there is, well, actually, I think it was in The Universe Has Your Back. There's a chapter that's when you think you've surrendered, surrender more. Oh, okay. Because the secret really is to forget what you think you need. Yeah. And really just open your heart to what is of the highest good. Okay. Because when you're so focused on, I need it this way.
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How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
I got to make this happen.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
You don't.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And then I heard an inner voice say to me, get clean and you will live a life beyond your wildest dreams. Wow. And that's the path I chose.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Yeah, you would have a vision. You'd have clarity. You would align with what the joy that that job would bring you. You could hold visions of that job and seeing yourself in it and let the energy. Feeling it. Yeah, because the feeling, again, is what manifests. So let the energy get excited. Be in joy.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
The other thing I would say is if you're trying to manifest a job, make sure you're having fun in your current job. Or if you're unemployed, make sure you're doing things that bring you joy in the realm of the work that you want to do.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Exactly.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Yes, exactly.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
If you're not having fun using that app, shut that shit down. Got it. Got it. OK, have have a great enjoy being with your friends, because when you're having fun, that's the sexiest energy. Yeah. Right. Like the happy girl, the fun girl is the sexiest energy in the room.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And so just have fun.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Well, my best advice is I've got so much advice, Scott. Well, yeah, you do. Well, it's New Year's Eve and tomorrow is my manifesting challenge. It starts tomorrow. It's a 21 day manifesting challenge.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
It's like this. It's this perennial event that I do and people lose their shit.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
do it okay so what do you do i'm gonna get you in it right now okay okay so it's 21 days it's 21 days and i'm guiding you each day in a very simple manifesting practice that you get it you download my app and it's all in the app and it gives you a daily practice every single day it's an audible practice they and it works like i put 150 000 people through this challenge oh wow yeah
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And I've gotten, people have come to me saying that they've got pregnant. They've found their marriage. Like people will send me pictures of themselves at their weddings. Last week, I got an email, something in the mail, not an email, a letter in the mail with a wedding invitation to someone's wedding who actually got engaged because of the challenge.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
New jobs. It's the cool, one of the coolest things I do every single year. Okay, I'm doing it. Yeah. And if you're listening, they can go to deargabby.com forward slash manifesting challenge. Perfect. Okay. Yeah.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
So I don't do any one-on-one, but having the Gabby Coaching Membership app, it's like having me in your pocket as your coach. And when, you know, actually, Rhi, give me the app. Give me my phone for one second, if you don't mind. I'll pull a card for you. Oh, okay. Like there's like card pulls. You can do card readings.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
You open the app. OK, so you're right here and you open the Gabby app and pull. Oh, I'm going to get you back to center. OK, so you'd open. You'd have like two minute daily practices and you'd have your challenge in there. But pull a card. OK, so you just swipe it and then tap it.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
no matter what you're facing, and that was just one of many bottoms to come. There was definitely difficult moments, as we all experience. Of course. Difficult moments in my life. And in each of those moments that I see as these opportunities to transcend or an opportunity to detour in the right direction, I would say to anyone, all you need to change is the slightest willingness to change.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
That is really, really, really good.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And you're doing it actually right now. I know. This is so cool. You're doing that right now.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
I'll read this for you. So communicate with ease and grace. People are willing to embrace what I have to say. I think this is also coming to just also this. You can use this here in this moment when you're communicating with your community. Yeah. But also, I think just in your personal life as well.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
So recognizing that the clearer you are and the more simple you are in your words and your actions, the more you'll be received. And to witness if there's charged energy behind things and just keep it simple. Keep it clean. Keep it clear. I'm channeling for you now. I love that. Wait. Okay. Yeah. Well, I'll pick another part for you. Let's see. Okay. Yeah. No, I do channel.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
So when I'm in alignment with the love of the universe, peace cannot be disturbed. Okay. This is yours. Okay. I love this for you again. Look how pretty it is. It's so pretty.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
So I'll get you in the app like immediately.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
I'm going to get joined in it. What's nice about this one is that when I'm in alignment with the love of the universe, peace cannot be actually, it cannot be disrupted. And I like this very much for everyone listening because The piece that I was speaking about when you're like, oh, well, does anybody ever get there?
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
I actually was on a podcast earlier today and I was like, you know, the there that we talk about. I was like, I'm at the I'm there there. I'm at the there now. And and I mean that. And it doesn't mean that like shit doesn't go down.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
It doesn't mean that I'm like literally not in like deep perimenopause, like dealing with like fucking hormonal upheavals, which every woman listening, go get your hormone panels checked. Yeah, we'll talk about that later. But it doesn't mean that real shit's not going down, right? It doesn't mean that I don't have so much on my plate or been away from my kid, whatever it might be, right?
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
But it means that I'm staying in that alignment. And in that alignment, peace is natural.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Hold you in the moment.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Going through things.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Yeah. So Instagram's at Gabby Bernstein. The app is the Gabby Coaching Membership. I think people should definitely check out the challenge. And it's like they can they can still get until January 5th, I think. Oh, this is perfect. Perfect. So dear Gabby dot com forward slash manifesting challenge. Amazing.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And if you really want to know the manifesting flex of all flexes, I've never really thought about it that way, but yes, the true manifesting is to do that deep inner work. And so I would recommend self-help for everybody. Amazing.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And it's the folks who don't have that willingness or they are often it's too scary, right? People are saying like, well, I don't want to have to do what it takes to make that healing happen. Yeah. And that's why I really believe that healing should happen slowly.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And we have to give ourselves permission to just slowly titrate into things and come out and then go a little bit closer in and come out and to be very gentle with ourselves, which is really a lot of what I'm teaching today is that process.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
It's such a funny thing that we're talking about May Cause Miracles. So my new book is 10 books in.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
So I'm like, it's almost like babies that you forgot about. You're like, oh, I had a child and was like, I don't remember their name. And it was so impactful in my life. That's just really meaningful to me to hear you say that because I haven't touched into that content in so long. I think at that stage, I think every book I've written, I've written for myself first.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
So I'll write about what I'm living and what I'm experiencing and what I'm needing and knowing. And that book was at a time when I was really new to my, well, deep dive headfirst into my metaphysical beliefs. and really training my mind and reprogramming the way that I chose to perceive the world. And that was what that book is all about. It's, I mean, May Cause Miracles.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
My husband actually gave me the title for that one. And it was really designed to help people go through a 40-day mental reconditioning. As are all my books, really. It's about reprogramming your thoughts and rethinking things so that you can unorganize or undo the belief systems that hold you back.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And as I've gotten older and as I've continued to write, the depth of these books, I think, has gotten even deeper and deeper in that my own personal recovery has gotten deeper and deeper and deeper.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
I think that they could first notice how they feel. OK. Right. So it's like, how's it going? How are you feeling? And usually the answer is I feel anxious or I feel overwhelmed or I feel fearful all the time or people don't actually even tune in to even inquire what's happening on the inside.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And so if you don't have any idea of what the thoughts are, and I think a lot of people do have a good sense of of those repeated thoughts that they keep thinking, you know, like, oh, that I'm not good enough or I'm inadequate or I don't have enough money or we're going to have the relationship that I want. And so those stories, I think that people are mostly familiar with those common stories.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
But if you're not, what is it that you're feeling that's undesirable? Yeah. And what thoughts or sensations might be attached to that feeling? Let's start with the feeling.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
I think that there's a lot of bullshit about manifesting. Okay, right. Right? Okay. So manifesting is the natural state of who we are. We are all what I call super attractors. And we have within us the capacity to create what we believe. We do create what we believe. We manifest what we believe.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And people think, oh, if I do this thing or I repeat this idea, then something magical is going to come to me.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And maybe things will change because you're changing your point of your intention a little bit. But will you be able to keep that thing you attracted? No. Or is it just a game that you're playing with the universe? And that's bullshit. Because the bottom line is, is that we are naturally manifestors. We are naturally super attractors.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And what's happened in our life is that we've built up all these false belief systems based on childhood wounds. You and I are both very vocal about our childhood wounds. that create beliefs and those beliefs we protect against forever. So we do all these kinds of different ways of protecting against these very uncomfortable feelings from our childhood.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And we're living in that mode of being triggered and protecting ourselves and being triggered and protecting ourselves. And that dance that we're playing day to day is just blocking that natural state, which is that super attractor state, which is the state of joy. It's the state of inspiration. It's the state of creativity. It's the state of connectedness. And that's the truth of who we are.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
We already have it. And everybody thinks, oh, I can go make a vision board. I can go say affirmation a thousand times. And all those things do help because they adjust your attention. But the real work is to address the belief systems that are blocking you from being the super attractor that you are.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Yeah. Well, my 10th book self-help and it's out today. It is out today. I mean, happy new year.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
This book is all about the unwinding and unburdening the core beliefs that you have carried for a lifetime and the core beliefs that have held you back, that have kept you addicted, that have kept you in the wrong relationships that have kept you in the patterns and behaviors that don't, that don't serve you.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
that make you rageful, that make you wanna binge or whatever the behaviors that are extreme in your life, to befriend those belief systems so that you can heal those patterns. And that's the real manifesting flex.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
I think I've been doing that over and over and over, you know, rinse and repeat. But I believe that my first really big life bottom was when I was 25 and it was 19 years ago where I was really struggling with alcohol and drug addiction.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
so it talks about ifs right yes and okay so explain what that means so this is a cell so the book's called self-help yeah and it's a self-help four-step practice but it's based on the principles of a model called internal family systems therapy which is not your external family it's like this little family it's as if you have a family of parts of who you are inside it's an inner system of people inside of you and i'm going to simplify this as much as i can this is my my gift
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
I believe that if someone's watching us right now, they manifested this moment. It was cocaine, it was alcohol, it was work addiction, it was love addiction. And all of these addictions are the exact same because they have the same root cause. I was just empty on the inside, totally spiritually bankrupt.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
But it's really teaching people that it's their stories that heal and it's their lived experience that heal. And what's nice about that is because it puts you in the seat of authenticity and it puts you in the seat of truth. And you're no longer talking about something. You're talking from a place of knowing that this is real.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
Yeah, I mean, I've really lived a lot. I actually had this reading, this medium gave me a reading recently, and she was looking at my energy and she was like, holy shit. She's like, I've never seen someone overcome this many dark nights of the soul. And it doesn't mean that people don't struggle, but she meant transcend those struggles.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
And I said to her, this is my greatest experience of my life. What I'm most proud of is my commitment to overcoming these adverse experiences and beliefs and traumas. And I'm grateful. For me, a lot of it was something I was not aware of for many, many years. I lived for so many years in this place of hypervigilance and extreme anxiety.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
And I didn't know for so many years why I had this anxiety or why I was so controlling or why I had to manage every area of my life. And that controlling and that managing became so extreme for me that ultimately, by the time I was in my early 20s, I started my first business. I was running a PR event company. It was mostly PR for nightclubs.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
And I was really fast-tracking my life to be seen, to be heard, to get past the velvet ropes, you know, say Gabby at the door. And really, I was just empty on the inside, totally spiritually bankrupt. And that running and searching and searching led me down a road of very severe addiction and I became a cocaine addict in my early 20s.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
By the time I was 24, I had such a severe addiction and I just had no other choice but to start to open my heart to something new and to the possibilities for healing. And I had these stacks of self-help books next to my bed, Jamie. They were like Louise Hay and Marianne Williamson and Wayne Dyer. And they were all next to my bed. And I would read them at night when I was coming down from drugs.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
And I would journal feverishly into my journal. And I was just wanting so badly to be something different, to have something more and have a life that was real. And finally, on October 2nd, 2005, so just about 19 years ago, so just a little over 19 years ago now, I had my bottom. I hit my knees.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
I was coming down from the night before, and I said a prayer, and I said, God, universe, who's ever out there, I need a miracle. And I heard an inner dialogue, an inner voice, an inner guidance say, get clean, and you will live a life beyond your wildest dreams. And that was the day that I entered a recovery program. I went into 12-step program that day. And I made a commitment to change my life.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
I made a commitment to stay clean and sober. I've been clean and sober since that time. And my spiritual faith skyrocketed. Within months, I was leading spiritual talks. Yeah. bringing people into my apartment to do little group workshops and doing live talks in New York City. And it was just like this, you know, what was like, you know, 50 women became 300 women. It was mainly women at the time.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
It was like these audiences just kept growing and growing and growing. And it was way before wellness was a topic. And it was way before anyone was gluten free. And it was way before anyone really even had much spiritual faith of our generation, right?
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
So there was, of course, generations before us that had been transformational teachers like Louise Hay, but this was this new generation of spiritual beliefs and spiritual thinking. And I'm so proud to have been at the forefront of that for our generation and have been able to be a thought leader and a guide and a teacher.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
And truly the only way I've been able to continue to teach is by continuing to grow and learn. And that moment wasn't the last, right? There was a decade into my sobriety, I remembered the reason why I used in the first place.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
I'm so proud to have been at the forefront of that for our generation and have been able to be a thought leader and a guide and a teacher. And truly the only way I've been able to continue to teach is by continuing to grow and learn. And that moment wasn't the last, right? There was a decade into my sobriety, I remembered the reason why I used in the first place.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
And so when we're addicted, we're running from something. When we're addicted, we're pushing down the pain with something. We're protecting against the impermissible. And I didn't know what that was. I often would say to myself, you know, why was I an addict? What was this about? But in my body, I knew and in my nervous system, I knew, but I didn't actually remember.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
And at 36, I had a memory and a dream, a memory of being abused as a child. And that dream was so real that a day or two later, I fully accepted the truth of that experience. And that became a whole new level of recovery and a whole new world of personal development and shining the crystal of genuine trauma recovery. Yeah.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
going down the path of not just spiritual healing, but therapeutic healing. And so these moments, these bottoms that I've hit along the way, and there's others, I don't need to give all the sob stories, but these moments of bottoms have always been these major catalysts in my life for the most transformational change. And that's been my choice.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
I've chosen to see these obstacles as opportunities and detours in the right direction. I've chosen to go dive head first into these difficult experiences of whatever kind of recovery was required because I never wanted to sit in my pain. I wanted to survive. I wanted to thrive. And really what I wanted to get to, Jamie, the place, you know, we think, where can I get to? Where's the there?
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
I'm in the there right now. I'm in my there. I'm here. It's not about some big career thing. It's not about some, yes, I have an amazing life and I have an amazing career. I have an amazing husband and child and I have wonderful friends. It's not that though. That's not the there. The there is that I feel so good inside.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
The there is that I am so attuned to my nervous system that I can, you know, last six months ago, I realized I was in menopause at 45. You know, like this is a whole other conversation, but like straight up, like was losing my mind.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
But instead of completely letting that take over me or trying to, you know, forget it or push it down or numb it out or not believe it because I'm so young at that age. Oh, well, this doesn't happen at 45. Well, you know what? I said, fuck it. Let me do whatever it takes to get back to greatness. And I've uncovered every obstacle and turned it into an opportunity.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
And now I'm like totally worked up and perfect, you know what I mean? Feeling great again, got my brain back, got my hormones back in shape, right? So it's just seeing these moments of just like breakdown as getting us back on the right track. But we have to show up for that.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
Yeah.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
Well, this is actually a great message because what I've always taught throughout my spiritual teaching has been that we all have an inner guidance system, a sense of inner wisdom. And you could call it God. You could call it Buddha nature. You could call it intuition. You could call it spirit. I don't care what you call it. I just care that you call upon it.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
And in the new work that I'm sharing and revealing in Self-Help, my new book, it's called Self and Self with a capital S. And this is based on the principles of therapy called internal family systems therapy. And self is that nature, that inner wisdom, that inner guide. Self is the presence of compassion and connection and clarity and commitment and
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
curiosity these c qualities courage and we all have self we all have self but we've just built up a wall against it and so in that moment that prayer is the conduit for self to come through and so when i said that prayer i need a miracle that self energy that inner resource almost like an internal parent an inner guidance system came forward and said get clean this is a path self is a as a inner
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
sensation of truth.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
The universe, it's God, it's spirit, it's energy, it's truth.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
Well, it's interesting. We ask for things consciously or unconsciously, right? So we might say, in my case, I said, I need a miracle. Sometimes we might be thinking, well, oh, God, this isn't really working out. There has to be a better way. These are unconscious or conscious prayers. And when we put those prayers out, they're always answered. And they're answered often in different unique ways.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
And oftentimes it can come as a... inner sensation or an inner knowing or an inner dialogue or an inner voice or an experience of what God might be to you. And so it's our job then to listen, to listen, to take the action, to show up for what we've been receiving, to show up for the message. And these messages come to us because we've opened our hearts to receive them.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
And we have to take the action that we might not always. Plenty of people won't take the action. Plenty of people might override the message.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
But it's those of us who are really in that devotional decision, that devotional desire to change that gives us the inspiration to get off of our knees and go to the meeting or get out of our house and seek the professional support that we need and to pick up the book or finally listen to that episode and whatever it might be that's going to actually put us on the track that we need to be on.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
It's funny that you brought Oprah up because I was on her show on Super Soul Sunday when I was probably 31 or something like this. So this is like over a decade ago. And I'm on the show. And one of the questions she asked me is very much what you just asked. It's like, how do we know what we're hearing? And I said, well, we ask and then we listen and then we have to take action on what we receive.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
Yeah. And you know when Oprah does that thing where she repeats back what she takes in, she repeats it back. And I can see that really resonated with her because it's so often that we get these messages and we don't actually do anything with them, that we don't take the action.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
And I heard an inner dialogue, an inner voice, an inner guidance say, get clean and you will live a life beyond your wildest dreams.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
Well, I believe that any form of addiction or disordered eating or body dysmorphia or body image issues—I don't even want to call them issues, just experiences—are problems. based on these impermissible experiences from a very young age.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
And when we, as children, experience the shaming or the experience of any kind of physical trauma or any kind of emotional experience or any form of trauma with a big T or a small T, we build up a lot of protection mechanisms to never have to face those feelings again. Right.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
And so oftentimes one of those protection mechanisms can be disordered eating, it can be binging, it can be anorexia, it can be just very, very horrible thoughts and beliefs about our bodies. the ways that we run from those core beliefs are scary, right? For me, it was binging, it was overeating, it was cocaine, it was alcohol, it was work addiction, it was love addiction.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
And all of these addictions are the exact same because they have the same root cause. The root cause is the little people inside of us that just were traumatized in some way, big T or small T. And we did not have the resources or the adult parental figures to help us work it out, to help us heal, to help us feel that safety inside, to help us get back to that sensation of courage and connection.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
And so what did we do? We picked up the food. We picked up the alcohol. We picked up the judgment. We picked up the self-attack. We picked up the behaviors that we've lived with for decades and decades and decades. And we will live with those protection mechanisms from very young years. We'll live with them forever until we start to address the root cause condition.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
And there's so many ways that we could, you know, we could do this program or we could read this thing or we could use this diet or we could do this abstinence thing or whatever it might be. But the real healing The way to truly cure these kinds of conditions is to take care of the little people, the little girl, the little boy inside of us that desperately needs our attention.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
And when that young part of us has the privilege of being seen by us, and being soothed and being honored and respected and listened to, it can settle down. And when these younger extreme parts of us settle, the protection mechanisms can settle too. The fighting back, the binging, the addiction. It can settle because when that young part of us, like a little child inside of us, right?
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
When it feels safe with us, when your kid's safe, with you. Doesn't need to act out, right? When your child, when your own children are safe with you, they don't need to act out. When my son feels safe and he knows my presence is there and he feels my compassion and connection, he doesn't need to act out. They act out when they're unsafe.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
And so what would happen if we treated our own little children that way?
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
So our teacher told you you were stupid or someone just said something negative to you on the playground. It's these little moments matter. And without the place to process those little moments, because most people didn't have parents that were self-help authors, right? Like I'll pull my son aside and I'm like, okay, let's unpack this. But that's not happening in the world.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
Although it can be now as we start to do it for ourselves. And so as we start to go on that journey of reparenting ourselves, then we have the power to parent our children with so much more grace.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
I believe that the role of manifesting is our natural role. It's who we are meant to be. We are meant to live with wild synchronicities. We are meant to feel flow in our life. We are meant to expect greatness and receive it. And we're meant to really witness the obstacles in our life as detours in the right direction.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
Here's my PSA for women.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
Women of all ages, but really 35 and up. Get your hormones checked at least once a year, a full hormone panel at least once a year. And if you can't afford it, there are programs, there's things like Winona, and there's these different services out there that are either free or very inexpensive. But get a hormone panel. Because I had my son later in life. I tried to conceive from 35 to 38.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
And that was really a big struggle for me. When you saw me on the Oprah stage, that's the journey. That was the era I was in of trying to conceive. And then I did conceive my son through IUI, my son Oliver. And then I had severe suicidal postpartum depression after that pregnancy. And
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
By the grace of God, about four months into my depression and genuine suicidal ideation, I finally stopped trying to wellness my way out of it and take ashwagandha or do acupuncture or whatever the fuck I was trying to do. And I got on a medicated path with, it was having a biochemical condition and I got on the path of being on a medication. And that medication saved my life.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
But what I wasn't doing at that time was the full-blown hormone panels. And just last night, I'm talking to my hormone doctor, which I have the privilege of talking to. Not everybody's going to have this, right? So I want to just kind of give them what you can do. But I'm on this phone with this expert, and I'm telling her this story. And she's like, OK, good.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
I'm glad that you got on the medication because that got you to safety, right, on the antidepressant. But she said, you needed estrogen at that time.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
You needed leveling of your hormones at that time because when you lose all that estrogen so quickly, whether it's in perimenopause or after your postpartum experience or in menopause, you go into the most severe, dark places that can take your life and you cannot mess around with that. These hormonal shifts, I know that God gave them to me in all these ways. I know that God said, you know what?
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
We're going to give you postpartum so that you can save lives. And I have saved countless lives of women who would have taken their lives or ruined their lives or destroyed their marriages or lost their children because these hormonal shifts and biochemical conditions will take everything away from us if we're not on top of it.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
And then in this perimenopause period into menopause right now, I know that God's like, take it right now, right when it's in the zeitgeist, right when everybody's talking about it. And you have it too, Gabby, so that you can speak to it with authority. And I got to just scream it from the rooftops, ladies.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
Get your hormone, full hormone panel, your thyroid, your testosterone, your estrogen, your progesterone, get it all tested. If you're listening to this now, this is your miracle. Don't wait. I saw somebody in the drug store yesterday and she's like talking to her friend. She's like, I'm having a hot flash. And I looked at her and I was like, get your hormones tested.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
I started like literally just like self-helping her right there.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
Being a super attractor, as I call it, doesn't mean that our life is perfect, but it means that we lean into optimism, that that becomes our default, that we have the faith that there is a presence beyond us that is working on our behalf, guiding us and protecting us and showing us where to go and what to do. And this is the natural order, period.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
Which is crazy to me because hormones are so dismissed, but hormones are the root cause of all the issues that we have as we age, right? So our cholesterol, I eat the most beautiful diet. I have high cholesterol. Why? Because of hormones, because I lost all my hormones, right? And so they will just put pills at it. And yes, you need these other supplementations, but get the panel, get awareness.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
Because when you address, it's just like the spiritual and the personal development. Because if you have to address the root cause of the condition. Yeah. And so in many cases for women, the majority of our later years, the majority of our ailments are hormonally related. Now, I'm not a doctor, but I'm just a human that's had this experience.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
And so I'm not giving anybody medical advice except for just suggesting a panel.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
None, none. They get one hour of training in it. They get one hour of training in it. And you know, I didn't also know, like I did IVF for nine rounds after my first child. And I carried for five and a half months with the one embryo I got. After nine rounds of medication, I got one embryo. They carried that baby. And I unfortunately had to have that child. I had to have an abortion.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
I had to let the baby go because he was, I just saw a spark of light over your head as I said that, because he's like always with me. I see lots of lights. We can talk about that too. But I smile because he came to me in that way so that I could know what it was like to love him for five and a half months in my body. But also because it was the path for me to know that one child was what I needed.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
This is my truth, my faith, my beliefs, and everyone can take what they want, but I'm going to stand in the seat of what I know. And I believe that if someone's watching us right now, they manifested this moment. They had a desire inside that said, I want to lean into something more positive. I want to see the world through a different lens.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
Yeah. And the other part of it that I came to understand, and this comes to the hormonal piece is that I didn't realize that when you do IVF later in life, you're actually taking whatever ovarian reserves you have left and you're just pumping it all out.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
So it's something to know for these other women going through these treatments later in life, that they're the best treatments you could do because you can get your baby. But you might wanna keep checking your hormones because you might go into perimenopause or menopause earlier than others might. And that's okay too. If you got your baby, you got your baby, you're good.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
They felt that spark of inspiration from you, from this show, from the momentum behind the show. And so they were magnetized towards it. And that's manifestation. It's that we attract what we believe and we attract what we desire when we are open to receive those desires.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
And truly, really, what ends up happening in our life is we have all these difficult experiences in our life, which we'll talk about today. And those difficult experiences build up blocks to that super attractor power. So that power never left us. We are super attractors. Manifesting is natural. Manifesting is real.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
But we have had a lot of experiences in our life that have really built up beliefs that have gotten in the way of that power.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
Well, I think that's a common question is if I'm thinking bad thoughts, am I manifesting bad things? And it's not, I want to just pull that back and calm everybody down. It's really when those negative thoughts become beliefs. Because the beliefs, we manifest what we believe. And the beliefs that we carry create an energetic resonance inside of us. And that energy is emitting off of us.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
The TikTok manifesting is a bunch of bullshit. No amount of green juice or mouth taping or whatever is gonna make you a super attractor.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
And people are picking up that energy. And people are focusing on that energy. So if you have negative thoughts and you keep thinking negative thoughts, okay, there's plenty of books I've written. There's plenty of podcasts you've done. You've written your incredible book, Worthy. There are tools out there that we can use to unwind and nurture those thoughts and not let them take over.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
But it's when those thoughts become beliefs that they begin to manifest in our life.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
Yeah. It's funny. We'll get into the methods in my new book. But one of the things that I keep saying is the new book is really therapeutic and it's really about healing the belief systems. But what I've continuously said to people is that this is actually my biggest manifesting book because It's not tips and tactics. It's undoing beliefs.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
And so we can do all the practices and the methods and the spiritual faith. And all of that is true. All of that is working. All of that will help you manifest what you desire. I've written a lot of books on these topics. But the real manifesting, the new manifesting, the true manifesting flex is to undo the beliefs and and to unburden the beliefs that block what you genuinely desire.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
Well, I think the big mistakes are just people thinking like, oh, if I just write it down a thousand times, like the TikTok manifesting is a bunch of bullshit. And so people just thinking like, oh, if I write this down a thousand times or if I, you know, there's this new thing of like aura flexing or something.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
I just saw like if I aura points or something like if there are these people on TikTok doing these things. Like if I if I mouth tape or if I, you know, drink green juice like these are adding to my aura. It's like, yes, the idea that when we do good things for ourself and we feel good, we are manifesting more goodness. But it's not just about checking something off the list.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
It's about accessing that presence of joy inside of you. And so no amount of green juice or mouth taping or whatever is gonna make you a super attractor. It's about getting centered. It's about turning inward. It's about adjusting your belief systems. It's about holding visions that you believe in. And it's about letting yourself have fun Fun is the secret.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
When we're in joy, we suspend our disbelief. And when we're in that presence of joy and that suspension of our disbelief, anything is possible. You are living proof of that. You are living proof of that.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
And I think I want to speak to that, though, because it's one thing, Jamie, to teach something because you've got an idea or you've got a personality. But it's another thing to live something. Yes. Because the greatest teachers are not just saying it right or giving and delivering a message. They're delivering an energy and it's an energy of knowing.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
And energy and whatever field, whatever it is, whatever, whatever type of teaching, even if it's parenting, if you have lived the experience and you and your heart know to be true what it is that you offer, then it is going to resonate. And I don't think that there is, look, there's nothing wrong with manifesting or spirituality being trendy.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
In fact, it's wonderful because it's a gateway, whatever it takes to get people to open their consciousness. It doesn't matter. I remember years ago, Deepak and I sat together and I was like, I'm doing this practice and I'm doing this practice. And is there something wrong with that? And he goes, do whatever it takes to get closer to consciousness. Yeah. And I remember that forever.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
I mean, I just can hear his voice in my mind. It's like, however you get there, if it's a TikTok video, great. I don't care. But I do believe that when you do choose your path, however, that when you choose your teachers and you choose your path, make sure that you literally resonate with them in an energetic level, that there's a sensation that comes through you.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: Master Manifesting & Breaking Through, “This is Your Chance to Change Your Life.”
Yeah, no, it's amazing because I've had the experience of teaching a lot of thought leaders and giving, and I'm going to continue to do it actually in this new year and giving really what, you know, self-impact training is actually something I'm working on. This is the first time I'm talking about it here. Wow. And here we go. You heard it first here. You heard it first here.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
welcome to part two of this amazing conversation with gabby bernstein i gotta tell you jamie this is one of my favorite interviews i've ever done i mean that i hope you can really feel it ever this is the work baby this moment right here is your chance to change your life.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
I'd be careful not to do it too soon because we don't want to give purpose to our pain when we still need to experience that pain. Yeah. Oh, talk more about that. When we're in a moment of grieving or we're in an experience of discomfort, we don't want to override that experience. We can be curious about it. We can be compassionate towards ourselves.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
We can do... I mean, it's a perfect segue because it's exactly... It's exactly what I've been talking about in this new era of my teaching, which is really about not overriding our experiences, and whether it's an actual life experience or it's an experience inside, an emotional experience. And so there's a balance between being the victim and moving too quickly into possibility.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And so we want to just stay in sometimes this space that we're in and you can have the inquiry of, okay, what would you have me learn from this? That's a beautiful prayer. What would you have me learn from this? But also I don't want to rush past it. When I got sober early in my recovery, someone said to me, I wish you a slow recovery.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And I love that because it's in the slow steadiness of our recovery that the miracles happen. And slow doesn't mean that we have to be living in this victim mentality. Slow means that we're taking our time to nurture the activated parts of ourselves that have needed our attention for so long. And so when something terrible happens to us as a child or even in adult life, It needs attention.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
It can't be pushed past. And it's in the spiritual space and in the personal development space that people can oftentimes get into this pattern of spiritually bypassing the actual issue.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And it's not that we wouldn't want to lean into the possibility or lean into positivity, but it's exactly correct. You miss the miracle if you try to override the experience.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Well, I think that every moment of titration into the experience and opportunity to heal is an expansion. It is a transcendence.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Because it's not transcendence as it means, okay, I'm in perfect harmony right here, right now. It's about the glimmers of hope and harmony. And as we like I said, the word titrate is an important word, as we titrate into the feelings, or the sensations, or the experience or the parts of us that are activated. And then we do a little adjustments. And then we can come out and just live our lives.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And maybe we want to do a little like, you know, Instagram scrolling or Netflix binging or whatever we need to do. And then we titrate in a little bit more next day. And it's those little moments. Define titrate. So it's about not ripping off the bandaid, but slowly opening the door. So it's a slow pacing of relief, right?
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
You don't want to just like, you know, when you have a pressure cooker, if you just turn that pressure cooker on, it just explodes, right? But if you Let it simmer. Let it simmer. And the titran is sort of like an entering into the feeling and then a release and then entering into the experience and then a release. And so, you know, that's why that's actually why.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
So there's this four step method in self-help. And it's the answer to this question, because it doesn't matter where we are in our life or what we're what's going on in our life, good or bad. Right. there's parts of us that can get really activated. So even when good things happen, we might have a part of us that's like, this is too good to be true, and there's a self-sabotage, right?
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Or if a bad thing is happening, there's a part of us that's like, loves that victim mentality. Or just living normal life, there's parts of us that will just control everything or be obsessing over some kind of obsession because we don't want to feel something else. And so have you ever said, Jamie, that there's a part of me that does X, Y, Z when this happens?
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Do you have an example of that?
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
How can I control something when everything else is out of control? Yeah. Very familiar for most entrepreneurs, right? Is we seek control to feel safe. And so I had a controller part, which I'll just call it a part of me. And that part of me had been around for many, many years, right? And it was trying to keep me safe ultimately, but it was creating a lot of issues, right?
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
So it might've been a little aggressive at work or it might've been a little bit obsessive about things or making things difficult in my marriage. And that controller really ran the show for most of my life. In fact, at one point it was so need to control was so extreme that it turned to drugs to create that control, right? And so that control is actually a protection mechanism.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And who is that control protecting? For me, that control protection mechanism has most of my, throughout my life, the majority of my life, been protecting the little girl who experienced trauma as a child and had nowhere to go with it. And the only way that she could survive was to try to control the experiences and control the life that felt so out of control.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And as a little girl, I did it by freaking out about my pigtails not being straight. And as a teenager, I did it by being completely anxious and trying to make all the plans and know every plan. And as a 20-year-old, I was doing it through cocaine and relationships and just controlling all of the outcomes in my work. And then in my late 20s and 30s, I did it through my work.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And so that controller... isn't a bad part of who I am. It's not a bad quality. It's a protection mechanism. And so throughout this book, I'm helping the reader recognize that these extreme patterns and behaviors that we have, whether it's binging or drugs or alcohol or control or- Busyness. Busyness or rage or checking out with Netflix or dissociation or even things that might be seemingly
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Great, right? Those of us who are really big workers, workaholism is something that's praised in our society, but it's actually a protection mechanism, right? Because if I'm working, I don't have to feel those impermissible feelings. Or if I'm in control, I don't have to feel that things are out of control, or I don't have to feel the fear.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
This is like the best conversation ever. I believe that we all have these guides of great wisdom. So we have human people who left their bodies, like Louise Hay and Wayne Dyer, my grandmother, ancestors, who we once knew in the human form, who have now deceased, and take on a form of guidance. So they become a spiritual guide now in this lifetime. Mm-hmm.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And so there's young exiled parts of us that were traumatized as children, and they were never tended to, and we shut them down. We say, I never want to feel that again. It could also be in adult experiences, like if someone's had violence or if they've lived through a catastrophic event, they exile those feelings. I never want to feel that again.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And so I'm going to, even spiritually bypassing as a protector. And I'm calling it, it's a protection mechanism, but for the sake of the book, I'm calling it a protector part. It's a part of you. And so we have all these parts of us inside that are managing these big feelings, the little children. And so what do we do?
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
We live our lives from trigger to protector, trigger to protector, trigger to protector. I mean, anyone that's walking through life feeling anxiety is anxiety is a protector.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And we also have angelic realm of guides, an angelic realm of guides. And these guides, their pure mission is to help guide our thoughts back to love. So when we have a fear-based thought and we call on a prayer, it's the angels that will come through and help us reorganize our belief systems to be the bridge from fear to love, to bring our thoughts back to God.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
We live our lives from trigger to protector, trigger to protector, trigger to protector. I mean, anyone that's walking through life feeling anxiety is anxiety is a protector. If we're living with if we're living with just, you know, we can't actually manage our feelings or we're enraged or whatever it is. These are protection mechanisms.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
We've already started diving in.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
So on the covers is self-help. And then the subtitle is, this is your chance to change your life.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And I'm going to stand behind that with full body conviction because the four-step practice that I've created in this is based on a therapy that changed my life. And it was my mission. I went and got trained in this therapy called internal family systems therapy. And I got trained by the IFS Institute. And with that training, I knew it was my mission. Literally, God told me.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
to democratize this work, to take it out of the therapist's office and give it to people in everyday life. And maybe they will go on to do IFS therapy, or maybe they'll just use my four-step practice. But it's a four-step self-help practice that's informed by IFS. And really what I started teaching already, and I know it will change their life if they choose to do it. That's it.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And the four-step practice is exactly what I've already begun to share, right? In IFS, we were taught that we have these young children, these little experiences that were so, these extreme experiences to little parts of ourselves, any type of experience that was too big for us to handle, and we exile it. So that's called the exiles.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
There's little people inside that we don't want to feel those feelings ever again. And then we build up the protectors, all the protection mechanisms. We talked about them binging, overworking, controlling, all the stories. And we live our lives and we're just like, why do I have chronic pain? Or why do I have anxiety all the time? Or why am I ruining my marriage?
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Or why am I making everybody at my job hate me? Or maybe we don't even ask the why. We're just sort of like, well, this is who I am and I deserve to be like this. And we're very righteous about these behaviors. Or we are struck in really deep addiction and we just don't know how to get out. And these extreme patterns take over our lives and they become so much part of our identity.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
We think that's who we are. But I'm here to tell everyone that these are just parts of who you are that are working really, really hard to numb impermissible feelings from your past.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And my addiction, she worked hard. That addictive part worked really hard to push it down. The workaholics, she worked really hard. And they're not bad parts of us. They've just been put into extreme roles. And so the work in this four-step practice is to bring self-energy, right? So we talked about earlier that God energy, that spiritual presence.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And self-energy is that inner parent inside of us, the God within us, the love within us, the truth within us, is to connect to these younger parts from that self-energy. And so self, to just simplify it, is just sort of this energy of these C qualities. So calm, courage, creativity, curiosity, connectedness, compassion, and confidence.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
These C qualities that we have when we're in our resourced self. And so the steps are based on these qualities and extending these qualities to these young protection mechanisms inside of us. So let's say you woke up this morning, Jamie, and you were like, I'm in that controller part. Okay, she's trying to get everything done. She's making me a little crazy or, you know, I'm feeling it.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
You could practice it like this. You could say, I'm going to choose to check in. That's step one. I'm going to choose to check in. And that's really important. The choice is important because like any little child, if you try to force them to tell you what's going on, they'll be like, no, mommy, you know? So you have to just make sure like, am I in the mood to do this right now? Okay.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
If you don't believe in it, that's no problem. Whatever is right for you. But the more faith you have, the more you'll hear. And sometimes angels really can't intervene in our life unless we ask. We have to ask. There are instances where people be like, you know, I was in a car accident and I heard, you know, get out the left door and I heard it as a voice inside.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
So choose to check in. And that's when you just get a yes inside, like, okay, I can do this. And you focus your attention inward. The second step is just curiosity. So offering curiosity questions to that feeling, or maybe you call it the controller. Maybe you just have a feeling inside and you just start noticing that experience inside and you start asking it questions.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
So, okay, what images or thoughts or sensations do you want me to see right now? Or how old are you? Or is there a shape that you are? Is there an energy that you are in my body? Or where do I hold this feeling in my body? And why do you ask it questions? You want to become curious instead of overriding this part and just pushing past it and checking out more. You check in.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
This is why it's called the four-step check-in. So the curiosity lets this part of you reveal information. And so it might say to you, how old are you part? And the part where I'd be like, I'm really young. How long have you been around? I've been around forever. And you start to flush out this information.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
It might give you an image and you might see yourself like on the playground when that kid was bullying you, or you just start to, it creates connection, right? Curiosity creates connection. So that extending of curiosity to this younger part of us creates a connection from our resourced self to the part. And then the third step is compassionate connection.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And this is where we would say, what do you need? Asking that part of us, what do you need? And it might say, I need to rest or I need to play or I need to feel seen. I need to dance. Needs to go back into its child role that it was taken out of at such a young age. And then once it feels a little sense of that compassion, I want to do it with you. You'll check and you'll see.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
The fourth step was, do I see those C qualities? And I see in your eyes right now that there's motion coming through right now because I think you were doing the check-in with me.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
When you ask her what she needs, I'm slowing you down a little bit, okay? Because it's easy to go right back into the interviewer. But if we want to work with this girl for one moment, if you asked her, what does she need? What did she say? Or do you know what she said?
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Like that's an angelic guide or a spirit guide. And even if they don't believe it, there can be those moments of intervention when it's not your time. So if there is a moment where there's severe catastrophic event and it's not your time to go, that's when an angel or a guide can come through.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Yeah. Does she feel my presence with her? Does she feel that I'm seeing her right now? Yeah. It's really beautiful. Yeah. How does she feel about that? It feels great.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Yeah. Really locked in. Right. Right. Yeah. Really, really locked in. How else does she feel? Describe it. Kind of joyful right now.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
How does she feel towards you right now?
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Yeah. Yeah. Do you feel any sensations of compassion towards her?
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
This is self-energy. So that compassion and that connection that you're describing, you're describing connection and the safety that you're establishing for her, right? That's that confidence. These are the C qualities of self. And so you're letting her, the little girl, know that self is here. And if she knows that now from this one experience, she now knows that she can check in.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
But most of the time, day to day, you can have that presence like a best friend by your side, or it can be completely shut off, but they're always there. And there's also just the presence of that energetic field that's what is the resonance of the guides and angels. So the way to connect to this energy, to these spirits, is to attune your energy, to be in
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
She can check in all day long. She can check in once a day. She can check in whenever she needs you. Because she knows you're here now.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Let's ask her. How does she feel? Does she feel safer right now?
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Yeah. She feels magnificent. She feels magnificent, right?
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Her magnificence is seen.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
She's free. She's free to be a little girl.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
This is the work, baby. This moment right here is your chance to change your life, Jamie, because you're experiencing right here in this moment that she can know that you are here, that self is here, and that she's not alone, that she's seen, and that she's safe. And now she can just exercise this practice and just build more and more trust in this self energy that you have.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And the more she trusts you, the more she can relax. And the more she relaxes, the less the protectors are on guard all day. The protectors can say, okay, well, no, no, no, we got self. We've got Jamie, got self with a capital S. You always go to self.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And as we start to accept that and know that, whatever we're faced with, whatever trigger comes to us, the desire to go act out or even an hour into doing the extreme behavior, come back to self. There's always a place to turn to now.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
The nice thing is, is the protectors don't have to go anywhere. They just need to take a break.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
They just need to relax because like, you know what your controller mama, like my controller wrote 10 books in 14 years. Like we need her, right. But we just need her to be a little less extreme.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And these protectors can stop being extreme, right? And when they're not in their extreme roles, they can take on their natural role. Okay, so the achiever can be in that natural leader, continuing to achieve, create and serve, right? And the controller can run this big empire that you've been running forever, including your family and your home and your world, right? And do it with ease.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And even the binging, right? Now that it can relax, what can it do now? It can enjoy its food. It can relish in tasting things and can just really enjoy the experience and nourish you. It can nourish you. Mm-hmm. And we transform not because we stop a behavior or force ourselves or judge ourselves or will ourselves into stopping. It's because we befriend these parts of ourselves. We befriend them.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
spiritual conversation like this, or to be grounded in meditative state, or to be in joy with a child, or often when I'm in a therapy session or with someone that's like a healer, I'll see those sparks of light. Or right here with you, just talking about my son, he just gave me that little signal, like I'm here. It's like a little spark of light, kind of like a tinsel coming through the sky.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
We let them know that they're not alone. We remind them that they're safe. And we really show them through this four-step simple inquiry that there's a presence of lots of love and security inside.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Always here to check in with you.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
I'm going to start texting you big one chicken.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Oh, goodness. He's a very dear friend. I mean, that was one of the greatest gifts I've ever received in my life.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Well, I would say, yeah, I think that I would work backwards. Yeah.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Because if you get this, then all the manifesting books and all of the spiritual books will just lock in so much faster for you because we can do all of the manifesting methods and we can have all the spiritual faith in the world and all of that matters and it counts and it gets us closer and closer to consciousness and it gets us closer and closer to
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
to the healing modalities that we need to get to this place of knowing this self inside. But if you can start with self, oh my God, like work backwards, people. I spent 20 years figuring this out for you. So go backwards. Yeah. Go backwards. I mean, at the same time, I really think you read it when you need it.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And so if someone's like something of a book's calling to them or sometimes books will fall off the shelf or maybe you'll buy a book like self-help and it'll sit on your shelf for a year and then a year later you read it. It's like you read it when you need it. And I look, I put the cover as self-help. It's for the willing. It's for the willing.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
That can be an image of an angel. Or you can feel a sensation move through your body. You can see I'm channeling now because my left hand goes numb, right? So I'm a medium also. I'm not sure how much you know about that, but I can channel these angels and guides. And so you don't have to speak about it. I speak for it. You know, sometimes I'll say things.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And so if that's too much for somebody right now, don't push it. Go read The Universe Has Your Back. Go read Super Attractor. It's okay. Whatever feels right. Or read Worthy, whatever they need. Or Spirit Junkie. I love that you keep remembering Spirit Junkie. I love it. Because that's like my big book. And it was my second book.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
The best place is get inside my Gabby Coaching membership app.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
It's an, it's, it's like having me as your coach in your pocket. So I'm going to make sure that it's in your pocket because what we just did, there's, there's actually a whole self-help section. So there's like 11 check-ins that I do with the listeners so they can, they could actually do the check-ins with me.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
But there's hundreds of meditations and daily two minute practices, and you can pull an affirmation cards. You can get hundreds of meditations, workshops. It's, literally like having me as your coach in your pocket all year long. And it's my way of making these principles accessible to people anywhere, anytime. And I'm so proud of it.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
We transform not because we stop a behavior or force ourselves or judge ourselves or will ourselves into stopping. It's because we befriend these parts of ourselves. I'll just wipe my tears off while you're doing that. in the personal development space that people can oftentimes get into this pattern of spiritually bypassing the actual issue.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Like we've been a year in this technology space and it's like a whole new world for me to recognize what's possible. And I, so yeah, so I would just go to deargabby.com forward slash app.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Let's go into the Gabby coaching app. Okay. And you're going to scroll to the right and then tap on a card and or scroll to the left, wherever you want. And I want to see what card you pick.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Yes, ma'am. When I surrender my will to the care of spirit and the universe, I attune my energy with the ever present stream of well-being. And this is exactly what we've been talking about. Hmm. When you're in that presence of self, you're in the stream of well-being. When you're in that presence of self, you're free. And that's the secret to manifesting.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
So we started this conversation with how do I manifest? How do I attract? That work we just did, that four-step process, put you into the stream of well-being, your own words. I feel magical. I feel joyful. I feel free. That is the energy that manifests greatness. So that's the pathway in.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
That's what's happening. That's what's happening. Because the angels and guides will play with technology. Like technology will just like wildly blow your mind when you're in these situations. Light flickering is a very common way that they'll come to you. Very, very common way.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
I've got to tell you, Jamie, this is one of my favorite interviews I've ever done. I mean that. I hope you can really feel it. Ever. Yeah. Your courage to go there and your curiosity, it's all self-energy. And then just sort of the spontaneous experience of having self come through is just everything. I'm so grateful that our friendship has deepened in this last hour and a half.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
No, you can have guides that were maybe a teacher, maybe a figure in your religion, or guides can come in many forms. Yeah, okay. And then you're angels. You can have guides that are... That are just have like symbolic meanings. Yeah.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Okay. And you can't choose them, right? Do they choose you? They choose you. And the deceased family members you can invoke, you can ask them, you can say, but here's the key is always to just invoke this presence with a message like this. I welcome the guidance of the highest truth and compassion.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Because just like a party in the real world, in the physical realm, you're not going to open your door in Montecito and be like, hey, everybody, come on in, right? You'll be like, Oprah, you can come in. And Gabby, you can come in. And you're going to have a guest list, right? Your neighbors, right? Your friends. But you're not going to just open the door and let everybody flood through.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And so it's the same thing with guides. You don't want to just let all kinds of energy into your space. You just say, welcoming the guidance of the highest truth and compassion.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
You would say, thank you, guidance of the highest truth and compassion for entering into my life right now. Or thank you, guidance of the highest truth and compassion for revealing to me what I need to know about whatever it is that we want to know. But the thank you is very important because it's affirming that we know and believe that that guidance is real and that it's present in our life.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And do you do the same for calling on your angels? Thank you, angels. And when you say thank you, guidance of the highest truth and compassion, I think you're calling on your angels, calling on your guides. But sometimes I'll talk directly to the angels. Like at night, my son and I go to sleep and we talk to the angels every single night. He has such faith because I've taught it to him.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And so we will say thank you, angels, for no bad dreams tonight. And he'll go like this. He'll go, huggies for everyone. And he starts literally just going like this. Like he hugs all the angels and he goes like this. He does your little symbol, your little I love you symbol. And he just, thank you for, now every time I see you doing this, I think of my son doing that with his angels.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And he pulls all of his angels in and we talk about the sparks of light and he sees them. And it's just incredible. I mean, it's the truth of who we are and we just turn it off. We just turn it off. What's the difference between guides and angels? Well, I think that guides often can have more of a personal connection to us or a guide can be maybe have a different energy as well.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And same with angels too, but you can feel the energy of the presence. So for instance, when Wayne Dyer comes to me, who's with me quite often, he's my late mentor and friend, Dr. Wayne Dyer. If he comes to me, it's really calm energy. I call on Wayne before I give a talk. because he was just such a masterful speaker. And I'll just call on his energy.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And it just puts me just into the seat of my truth. And anything I say is exactly what it needs to be. Louise Hay comes to me often, usually very rapid energy, kind of like, I got something to tell you. We got to get to work. And I know that she's using me now to carry the message. And so I'm in the devotional commitment to her mission and carrying out her mission in this lifetime.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
You miss the miracle if you try to override the experience. I'm getting so emotional.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And then I have an angel guide called Lily. And I just know her name is Lily because I've always just known it. I can see her in my mind's eye. She's very young and she's like very long blonde hair. And she's very, very angelic looking. And I had a reading many years ago, like 15 years ago with a friend. And she said, who's Lily? It was like a psychic reading. And she goes, who's Lily?
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And I was like, okay, thank you for the confirmation. And now every time I have a different reading with somebody else giving me a reading, they'll always ask me who's Lily. Or they'll say, I hear an L name. It's just confirming that that is my guide.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Yes, exactly.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
I think that all kinds of beautiful archetypes and figures and the presence of spiritual essence can come to us in unique ways. So I think that it's funny that you said that Mary Magdalene was the energy because it was actually one of the examples I was going to give. Because it's like some people can feel like they have a Christ-like nature around them, an energy of Jesus around them.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Or some people might feel like they have an energy of Gandhi around them. But when you were saying it earlier, I was thinking about Mary Magdalene. And so it's just it's not a surprise that that's who you've said. And so it's the guide that's chosen to come to you. And sometimes it's because it's coming in a form that we might resonate with.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
So the images that we might see as an angel or a guide could be in a physical vision in our mind's eye because that's how we can interpret it as maybe this archetypal figure or as a family member or an image of an angelic presence that we can resonate with.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Absolutely. I believe that when we have that relationship, we no longer feel alone. And it's a relationship that I access daily. Let me give you an example. I was... you know, struggling with some of this hormonal stuff recently. And I was, was in a pharmacy kind of like, okay, I got to get on track.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
I'm here to tell everyone that these are just parts of who you are that are working really, really hard to numb impermissible feelings from your past. My addiction, she worked hard. When I got sober early in my recovery, someone said to me, I wish you a slow recovery. And I love that because it's in the slow steadiness of our recovery that the miracles happen.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And a while back, my very dear friend had told me about this doctor in LA and I was like, oh, okay. But I was seeing somebody else at the time who I really trusted and she was amazing. And I just sort of filed that name away. And then I was in the, uh, the pharmacy, like looking for some estrogen kind of supplement or whatever. And I looked at this woman, she looked middle-aged like myself.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And I was like, perimenopause and menopause. And she looked at me and she goes, oh, and she said the name of the center, right? And she's like, this is where I go. And this is the whole makeup and I feel amazing. And immediately I was like, that sounds so familiar. And it was the exact thing that my friend had referred me to several months earlier.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Fast forward, you know, that day I was like, I'm not going to ignore this sign. My guides have led me to this sign. I spoke up randomly to a woman in a store. She gave back to me the exact referral I had six months ago. I'm not going to ignore it. And last night I had the appointment with her and it was just like, she just opened my eyes to so much more.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And so listen and don't ignore the messages and the synchronicity.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
I do. I believe that when we are in spirit, before we enter the body, that we sit down and we look at a checklist and we say, okay, I'm going to go through this and this and this and this and this because my soul needs to experience all these things so that I can transcend them and learn XYZ lesson in this lifetime.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And so I know for myself that my soul looked at that list and said to my guides, here's what I want to learn. Here's what I want to go through. And it didn't look so easy, but it had a purpose. And the purpose for me was to transcend fear and know what love, living in love and living in light means, to know it. And I've said yes to those difficult moments so that I could be here now.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And be where I've been along the way, because you can be going through really tough stuff and still do great healing work in the world, even in the midst of some of your darkest moments.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And oftentimes we don't have the parents or caregivers to help us process these extreme disturbances.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Or in the case of you and me, we don't have anyone to tell.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Right. Or we're too afraid to tell.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Or in my case, I dissociated. Didn't even have the memory, right? And so what do we do? We build up protection mechanisms. For me, one of those protection mechanisms was straight up dissociation, like left my body, like dissociated from reality.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
For others, it could be, and this is young, at a young, young age, you know, it could be, okay, this thing happened to you as a child and all of a sudden you go into this extreme protection mechanism of trying to be perfect because you had this shameful experience. So perfection makes you feel safe. Or you give my son, for an example, I have a six-year-old son.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
When he was three years old, he was in a Montessori program. And so it was three to six-year-olds. There was a six-year-old in his class and he was just out of diapers. And that six-year-old was sort of like, you know, who is this three-year-old? I don't want anything to do with him. I mean, it was just kind of bossy to him. And at a very young age, all he learned, like, I got to be the boss.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Because that was so extreme. This kid is bigger. I want to be like him. He hates me. He tells me he hates me. He tells me to leave him alone. It's just kids are mean. But my little boy has this thing of I got to be the boss. So he's got this misguided belief. I need to be a boss. So what does he do? Walks around with his Nerf gun, you know, and he walks around like like with this like his shooter.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
He's like, I'm the boss. You know, this is like little innocent six year old. But he wants to be the boss because he's protecting himself from that feeling from three years old. OK, I watched this whole part develop in a person. So an extreme thing happens, big or small. In the case of Ollie, it was a six-year-old, right? In the case of me, it was something much more extreme.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Hopefully, Holly never has to experience that. But whatever it is, we have extreme experiences and we exile them. We exile them. Those are called exiled parts of us.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
These are the little, young, traumatized children that had nowhere to go, no one to care for them, no one to support them. And we said, I'm going to lock that up. I'm going to send them into the basement. Don't ever talk to that person. See that part of me ever again.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And at three years old, five years old, whatever it is, we start to decide, I'm going to do this to protect myself from feeling this. So Ollie's the perfect example. I got bullied. I'm going to start to be the boss so that I never have to feel that fear again of that bully.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Everyone.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Yeah. And we have and then lots of different protectors and there's two types of protectors. So you're still tracking with me here. I know you are. I just want to make sure that the audience is still tracking with me. I'm going to take this slow. So exiled parts of the young traumatized little children don't want to feel those feelings. So they're too extreme, right, Lewis?
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
It's like, how could a child, you can't understand it. Your brain's not able to process it. Most adult brains don't have the ability to process that. Or most parents would say, you're fine, you're fine. Just get shut down. If you even did bring it to somebody, you'd be shut down, right? Especially with, or in cases of, you know, real extreme trauma, you don't feel safe enough to talk about it.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Shut it down. Then you build up these protection mechanisms, protector parts. And there's two types of protector parts. But in my book, I really just focus on one type. So we'll stay close to that. There's managers and firefighters. And so the managers are who we talk about in the book. Because the firefighters are who I want people to go to therapy to work with. But the managers are...
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
The control-free, you know, for me, I'm just gonna name my managers, you know, like one would be like Knives Out is another one I named. Like if you with me, I'm like Knives Are Out. Like, you know, like, you know. Destroy you, yeah. That's a manager. Vigilance was a manager for me. Just sort of like anxiety was kind of a manager for me. Think about it, anxiety, right?
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
If I'm anxious and I'm, you know, moving, moving, moving so fast, like when you first met me, totally out of my body, hadn't remembered the trauma yet, totally scared. It's been a crime when I think about that time, you know. That anxiety was actually a form of protection.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Because if I'm in an anxious state, I don't have to feel the horror and the fear and terror of that other state. So that's a manager, the parts of us that are with us all day long, managing the big feelings of the exile. Okay.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And then when the managers don't work anymore, like let's say something very big happens in your life, something extreme, and the managing is no longer working, that's when the firefighters come in. The firefighters will do whatever it takes to put out the fire of those impermissible feelings. And that's when you pick up the drugs, pick up the workaholism, pick up the
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Alcohol, the sex, the porn, the binging, the extreme addictive parts of ourselves. And those are the most extreme parts of us are the ones that are working the hardest to keep us safe from those feelings. And then there's good news. You ready for the good news? Yeah. We all have an inner parent inside of us. So those are all the young children inside, right?
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
The exiles, the managers, the firefighters, right? The protectors and the exiles. They're all like running our world, right? Where like one trigger happens, this protector shows up. Another trigger happens, it's like protector to protector. It's like a boxing match all day long. Walking through life.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Exhausting. Why do people have burnout? Why do people have stress? Why do people have chronic pain? Of course, there's a whole chapter in the book called Body Parts. How the body, like physical pain is a protector.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Like if I have back pain, I don't have to feel my childhood wounds. We're going to get into that. The good news is that we all have what Dick Schwartz has coined is self with a capital S. And self is our adult, undamaged, resourced part of who we are. It's the truth of who we are. It's the spirit of who we are. It's the God within us. It is an energy. And self has eight C qualities.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
compassion, calm, connection, creativity, courage, clarity, commitment. I'm missing one. I don't even know. I always miss a C. They're all in there. And connectedness. I think I got to them. We'll find the eight Cs in the book.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
You know, it's so funny. Confidence is the one I always miss, but it's the one that I often feel we're quite connected to. So I won't forget confidence anymore.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
So I'm going to really try to keep this simple. So just think about it like you have an inner parent.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
We all do. And let's just keep it simple. Let's keep it super simple. You know those times in your life when, let's say, Marta came to you and she was really struggling with something, and your heart was filled up with compassion. No matter how extreme the thing that happened to her, you just felt connected to her. You were a calm presence for her. You had deep compassion for her experience.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
You had clarity on how to communicate. You felt like you had the courage to speak up for what was true. And that really just, it wasn't even what you said, but it was that presence alone that helped her. Yes. You know what I'm talking about.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
That's self energy. With a capital S. With a capital S. And the thing is- The adult self. It's your true self.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
It's your essence. There's a really beautiful quote in the book that I share that's about how self is like the sun behind the clouds. And it's there, but the clouds are just in the way. So self has always been there, right? You feel self in Shavasana. You feel self after a long run. You feel self. We're in self right now. This is our creative force, right? We're in the flow.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
We have so much connection. We have so much creativity, right? We have clarity about what we're talking about. This is self energy right here. If you're watching and you're feeling... elevated, excited, calm, soothed, that's because our self-energy is coming through the screen or through the audio. And so we all have it. It's that we have to release the blocks to the presence of it.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
So.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
It's a four-step practice I put in the book.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Yeah. The whole book. So what I've done is I've taken this huge therapy, internal family systems therapy, super in the zeitgeist right now. God bless. It's the most valuable healing modality, particularly for trauma. And it's the kind of thing that I felt only people that were going to find their way to an IFS therapist were going to get this. And I was sitting at a dinner with Dick Schwartz.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
I hosted a dinner for him. Just again, he's the founder of IFS. Started this about 40, 43 years ago, 44 years ago. And I was sitting next to Dick and this was shortly after I'd taken the training and we'd become friends. And I looked at him and we're at a dinner I'm hosting for him. And it's like having Lady Gaga at my house. And I look at him and I'm like, I have to tell you something.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
I'm scared to tell you this, but I want to write a book called Self-Help. Self-Help. And I want to make IFS self-help. And he looked at me, his eyes just like widened. And he was like, I've always wanted somebody to do that. And in the foreword, he says, you know, I've always been looking for that person with the self-help spiritual bona fides and then Gabby's here.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And so that's one of the greatest privileges of my life is to take someone else's body of work and translate it.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
The four-step is not IFS. It's an IFS-informed self-help practice. And that's really important for me to say, Lewis, because if you're going into IFS therapy, you have a therapist with you. You're doing a six-step inquiry, almost like an interview with the parts. It's like an unburdening process. You can work with firefighters and exiles. I am not doing that. I am not a therapist.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
I'm a spiritual self-help author and teacher. I am trained in internal family systems therapy, but I'm not a therapist. So it was really important for me to take this and make it IFS informed.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
So there's four steps.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
IFS-approved, IFS-informed, it's backed with Dick's blessing, and it's the way that you can take this model into your own hands safely. Safely is a really important point.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Because I'm not trying to guide you to those exiled parts. The book is not trying to work with firefighters. That would be, and I say all throughout the book, like if this happens, if you want to, you're with a firefighter, there's an exile, go, here's an IFS therapist registry, go find somebody.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
But I'm trying to help you access these managers, the extreme parts that are with you all the time, day to day. And through a four-step inquiry, let's self-help.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
So you let me know when you're ready for it.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
I feel like I'm just so excited about this. This is my first real interview about this. So it's like very thrilling to me. Questions before I go on.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Exactly.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Okay. So first of all, 100%, that's exactly the answer. This is the four-step process. The other thing is, is how many personal development programs have we sat in where someone's like, oh, you have limiting beliefs and the limiting beliefs are blocking you. Then you're like, how the do I get rid of these limiting beliefs? Right. Like you never leave and you're like, OK, I know the playbook.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Right. For changing. Maybe you have a little tip here or manifesting tool there. And look, you know, I've I've written this my 10th book. So I have nine other books with other practices, which are all work. Right. all are valuable, all have their own purpose, right? Particularly spiritual practices in these other books. And they all are bringing you to self for sure.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
But this is addressing the actual neural redirection in the brain. Because when you practice this four-step method, what's happening is you're rewiring your experience and your relationship to these parts of who you are.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
To the parts.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
You're taking all these little people inside of you that have these belief systems that are holding you back, and you're bringing the internal parent of self to them to help them.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
We don't even have to say like that. It's just parts of us, like parts of who we are.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Oh, well, yeah.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Well, because think about it like this. My controller part, I've done so much work with her. You can gender these parts of you. They have no gender. They could have the opposite gender. Sort of whatever is intuitive for you. My parts are female. So I have that controller part that you knew for so long, or the anxiety part, right?
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Even to think about where we were maybe 10 years ago in these conversations to where I am with you right now. And how much more self-energy you feel in this moment. It's going to make me cry. It means so much to me that you've been there with me.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
14 years.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And when you first met me, I was like parts on fire, right? Like literally on fire. I was a workaholic. Both of us, yeah. Really extreme, really extreme. I was sober, but like workaholism. I was just extreme anxiety. Didn't know that I had trauma, so I was living in hypervigilance. I was so scared all the time. I was so controlling.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
It was just like, I was doing, you can still be going through hard things and do beautiful things in the world.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Yeah. And do good. But you can, but you might be having a lot of struggle, right? And so as a result of this, this model and what I'm going to teach everybody today and living this and developing this and practicing this and every day being, checking in with these parts of me, checking with these parts of me, I've unburdened them.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And so it's not that they go away is that they're not extreme anymore.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
They're no longer wounded. You feel them. They're in their beautifully developed chrysalis. They're new. For instance, the part of me that was a controller, I mean, that part did good things, right? She wrote 10 books in 14 years, right?
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Yes. But now she can be in the flow, right? Like now she can be like... I don't have to force my way to get this thing to there. I'm like, oh, you know what, Lewis? I'm going to be in LA. Does that work? I'll be there. I can show up with an energy. She's on top But she's trusting.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Not forcing anything. She's just relaxed, like in the presence. So it's still like, so it's like a really great quality to have that control part present because she gets things done, but without craziness, right?
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Their blocking self.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
That's correct. Yeah. You're so great at like digesting and bringing it back. Yeah, it's beautiful. That self right there in action, clarity. Clarity is one of those qualities of self. So you have such a good job of listening, thinking, pulling it together and bringing it back.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
It's called the check-in process. Okay, cool.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And I like that because everybody has a few minutes to check in, right, or a few seconds to check in throughout the day. And The simplicity of it being this four steps of checking in with the part makes it such that you can have this relationship to the part rather than why are you doing this? It's why the pain, right?
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
That's like what Gabor Mata always says, like not why the addiction, why the pain? And so by every moment when you notice a trigger, right? Or you have this space in your body to like see, oh, you know, I'm out of alignment right now. In those moments checking in are these moment to moment experiences of presence with bringing self to these parts. So I'll break it down for you.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And how I would do the steps.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Okay. So the protector that's freaking out, right? She's freaking out because something isn't going the way she wants, right? So she's the freaking out protector. I'm actually doing a lot of work with her in therapy right now, so it's nice. And I do IFS therapy, so of course. And she's having a freak out, like, you know, some email isn't good or like the things aren't working as fast.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
It seems not working as fast as possible. Or if she feels like she has a burden belief, right? This freak out girl, her belief is if I don't do it, nobody else will.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And so she is maybe just like, and she has, also has another, and I'm cursing a lot, but just bleep me. Okay. But she has another phrase that she says, it's like, what the is going on here? And when I think about her, I think about, okay, so let me give you the check-in process. So let's say I notice she's coming in, she's showing up. And I'm like, oh, I notice her.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
I have enough awareness to be like, she's here. She needs help. So I need self to help, self help me. I'll say that again. I need self to help, self help me. I, you know, have that awareness. I choose to check in, step one.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
choose to check in make a choice yes because remember parts are like little children so if you try to force something on a little child like if i try to go to ollie and say to him bro what the hell is going on you seem upset let's talk about it he's like no mommy like get away mommy right so he there has to be some buy-in okay so there's some buy-in and i'm going to choose to check in
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
It's both. Okay. So it's the choice is a self like quality, but the part has to make the choice.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Yeah, it has to be my presence of self and his willingness.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Openness, yeah.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Yeah, yeah. You never know. When he gets older. When he's 16, yeah, yeah. When he's 16 years old, he might say things like this. He might say, screw you, mommy. Yeah, yeah. So who makes you think of Cartman? Do you know that I do a really good Cartman? Screw you, man. I'm getting hit. That's good. I'm really good at it. That's good. Choose to check in. So choose to check in.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Detour from compartment. Choose to check in. So you have this awareness that the part's triggered and you're saying, okay, I'm going to choose to check in right now. So step one, that's it. Choose. And if you know that you feel that buy-in, like, okay, the part's ready to go, we can keep going, right?
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Choosing to check in is also just sometimes even having the awareness that you need to check in because that's step one. Step two is curiosity. Become curious. These are all C qualities, remember, right? So it's like acting as if. And so the curiosity is start. So I'm in this place where this manager is up and she's like, what the going on here? I have to do everything. Nobody else will do it.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And so I choose to check in with her and I become curious and I start to notice the feelings and the thoughts and the sensations inside. I start asking her questions like, where do you feel that in your body? And she's like, I'm not breathing. And there's tension in my chest. And I start to say, you know, what kind of thoughts or sensations?
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And her thoughts are like, what the fuck is going on here?
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And I ask her for any images or visions. And she shows me my six-year-old self in my dining room with my pigtails. And I'm screaming. No bumps, no bumps. Because the only way that I could find control in this out of control life that I had was to control the bumps in my pigtails.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Right. And so she's, so this girl that's now this adult that's screaming, what the is going on here is the little girl. I said, this is the vision she showed that she shows me. The little girl screaming, no bumps with the pigtail. So I start having all the, I flash out this information about her. You can see I'm like, I could tear up as I think about her.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And that connection that you, can you feel that connection I'm having with her right now?
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
That connection shows me that there's some self-energy here. Okay. And so as soon as you start to feel some kind of connection to that part, the third step happens. And by the way, you can spend as much time as you want in curiosity. You could just ask more questions. Let the part speak. The parts want to speak. Step three, compassionate connection.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
So I can look at that little girl and I can ask her, little Gabby, what do you need right now? And right away she'll speak back. She'll say, you know, at times she said things like, I need a mom.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Or I need to rest. Or I need to play. I need to scream. I need, you know, they're just speaking for what they need, right? I need to speak up. I need to be heard. And so the little voice gets to speak up and say what they need. And once that response comes through internally, the fourth step is to check for C qualities of self.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
So you scan your inner system and you ask yourself, do I feel any connection? Yes, right now in this moment, I just did the check-in with little Gabby and I feel connected to her. Do I feel compassion? Holy, right now I feel so much compassion for her. Do I feel clarity? Yes. She just showed me. It's a little girl, right? She showed me exactly where she was. I feel clear what she needs.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Do I feel calm? I feel calm, even more calm right now just having done that check-in process out loud with you. Connected. Oh, yes. Courageous. Much more courageous. Clarity, I think I said. Confidence. I got confidence.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Creativity.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Check for C's even if you just have one C quality of self show up. You feel a little bit more calm. You feel a little bit more compassionate. You feel a little more connected. You've done the four steps. You've done the four steps even if you just get to check in, to choose to check in. Just even the decision to check in for two seconds is the check-in process.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
your manager won't have enough of a pause to pivot because the managers we can become blended with the managers which means we believe that we are that right those times in your life when you get so worked up right and you're so that you're like I am the only one that can do this or you know the only way to live life is to fight back and tell everybody else that they're wrong and
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
That's the only way to live. And if anybody challenges that, like that's, they're gone. Right. So we're blended with these parts. Right. So the only way to start this check-in process is to slightly unblend by choosing to check-in.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Yeah, and there's going to be plenty of times when we're so blended that we can't do the check-in until two hours later, two days later, even two months later.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
You sleep. Yeah, you can check in hours later.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Most of the time when people start this work, they're going to find themselves the next day being like, ooh, what happened there? And then just check in, right? But you should start with little... That's why I want to work with managers because this is about a process, right? It's like making it a habit. Do it with the small moments, right? So like...
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Just this morning, you know, like, or yesterday, right? I arrived in L.A. I was, like, kind of overwhelmed by the energy. I didn't love, like, the view out of my hotel room. This sounds like a luxury problem, but, like, the energy is really important for me.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
I'm staring at, like, a Chase bank. I was just like, where? You know, I was like, in this. And then you're like, you know, I want to have a good vibe right now. And so I was seeing that controller come in and she wasn't too bad, but she did ask my assistant to call five other hotels and like, you know, very lovingly asked, you know. And at night, she's like, I don't want to ever come back to LA.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Like she's like, and so instead of like, actually I did fire off an email to my PR team. It was like, cancel an October trip. And then I was like, chill. Okay. So I came back and I rewrote an email. I was like, don't cancel the October trip. And then I checked in with her. Wow. Wow. Okay.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And so she wasn't like that's just like this is a day to day thing that normally we're just acting out in these ways and we don't actually know. Maybe we come out of it because we just got some logic. We never tend to it. And so I was like, oh, what do you need, honey? And so I just checked in with her and I heard her and she's like, I just want to feel like warm and safe.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And I just want to feel like I've got a good energy around me. And what do I need right now? I need to find the right place to land when I get here. And I need to just sort of sort those things out. And I started to feel calmer as I checked for those seed qualities. And so this is where the manifesting comes in. Okay. So she calmed down last night. Okay.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
she slept great that's good she woke up she's like i'm gonna see lewis today she worked out it was like 5 a.m because i'm on east coast i was like let's go work out i was feeling great i sat down here i makeup done was like super chill and i'm like you know i think my makeup artist who you met christina and i was like you know christina i'm like i like had this whole drama yesterday i'm like all i really want is like i
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
high vibe energy, super connected. I want to, I want to find my hotel in LA. I have to be out here all the time. I want to just make it my home, like leave a toothbrush. Like I want that. And then like, I'm coming back in October and I really want to have like a retreat-y vibe for two days because I need to write when I'm here. And it's a weekend when I'm here. I'm like, this is what I want.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And I was like, it'll happen. Like the universe is going to deliver it. I call our mutual friend Jeff Krasnow because I was like... Oh, he's got an amazing voice. Because I got the hint. I was like, you know, she's called Jeff, right? He's got the whole commune. It's like... But I wasn't even calling Jeff. It's a sanctuary. I was calling him about something totally different, okay?
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
I called Jeff and I'm like, hey, what... And then I was like, oh, you know what? As I'm talking to him, I'm like, because he's calling me about getting on the podcast. And I was like, hey, what, bro? I'm like, wait, when I come in LA, you're going to be doing a retreat in Topanga. And I was like... wait a second. I'm like, let me come for two days in Topanga.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Like, is there a place for me to write? And can I like come do yoga with Skylar? And can I like, can you take your class and, and eat food with you guys? And he's like, of course you can. And I was like, and then I was like, wait a second, hold on. So I just found my two days, my little retreat to go write. Right. And then I look at my calendar. I'm like, wait a second. I have a
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
podcast interview in Topanga on Friday. So I'm going to be showing up in Topanga. And then I'm on the phone with Jeff and he's like, you got to call Robin Burz in. She's in LA. Call Burz right now. She's staying at the Soho house. I was like, wait a second. I'm a member at the Soho house. There's a Soho house here? Yeah. And all of a sudden I thought there was no hotel.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
So I'm like, hold on a second. So I call Robin. She's like, get in the hotel. I call the hotel. There'll be one room left. Get in the hotel. I was saving so much money going over to this other hotel that I want to be with, with my, one of my best friends tonight. I find my hotel that I want. I mean, it sounds like a stupid luxury thing, but look how fast the manifesting was.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And then boom, I was in the flow. Here I am. And I've got this whole next trip in October, totally sorted with the trip to Topanga, the hotel that's going to make me feel safe, the community I want to be with, the creative space to do my writing. Now, did a controlling type A person make that happen? No, no. A creative, calm, connected, curious, right? Compassionate. Curiosity.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
We keep forgetting curiosity is self-energy. Curiosity.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
It was just like curious, right? Curiosity said, let me call Krasnow and see if he can do a podcast. And then he asked me about Topanga, right? Hello? Sounds stupid, but my makeup artist was like, that all just fell into place like a domino in 30 minutes. Like that feels really weird to me. I was like, this is how- It was this morning? That was right before I came out. Wow.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
But that whole boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, working out the details, that's how life is meant to be. We're meant to be in the flow and the awe and the synchronicity of self.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
So we wouldn't want to manage the parts of us. We'd want to bring self. We wouldn't let self help them. Right. Just for language purposes. So it's not managing them. Right. Because managers are managing.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Yeah. You can't. That's correct. Managing the managers is like when the firefighters come in or, you know, that's right. That's bad. Yeah. You're really getting it. It's so cool. People might have to listen to this episode twice or read the book, right? Read the book, right? It's all there. So there's no way that you can manifest effortlessly unless you have tended to these protector parts.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Because you might have a lot of things that you can create in your life, but you're upper limiting yourself. You're going to hit ceilings, glass ceilings.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Yeah, because your sheer will can get you some of the way there, you know, whatever. And you may have a little bit of moments where that creative flow comes in, but then you just sort of block it again or, you know. But to live in the flow.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
To say it and it will be. This morning, I would like a retreat center and a home base in LA. And 30 seconds later, clarity and curiosity. Call Jeff. Get curious. Because manifesting isn't about just sitting around. Nothing happens. You're doing. But to be a super attractor and to be a co-creator, you have to dwell in the energy of creativity. You have to be calm. You have to be faithful, right?
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
You have to be connected. You have to be courageous to take the action with that flow energy. You have to be curious about what's possible. You have to be creative, absolutely creative, creative, creative, creative. You cannot be judging yourself. You have to be compassionate toward every part of who you are. And so we are all super attractors. We all have self in us.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
We all have the ability to live with ease no matter what our circumstances might be. But there are absolutely some of us who have far more privilege than others. Let's be real about that, right? Like for those of us that are in Western cultures, those of us who can watch this podcast right now, we have privilege.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And those of us who have that privilege, it is our responsibility to do the self-help work, to clean up our side of the street, to get more flow in our life, because in that flow, we can serve more people.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Period.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Make that the normal.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And he was, yeah.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Because it's an important point. We all have self. We have moments of self, but we live in protectors.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And so the more self-help that we do, in this case, you know, IFS informed self-help that we do, that I'm suggesting, The more our protectors start to become unburdened, the more harmonious we feel inside. And when we start to feel that inner balance and that inner harmony and that inner connection and that inner clarity and calmness, our life just becomes this happy dream.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
It was your parts, right? Can you see now that really burdened parts were attracting that?
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Yes, full chills right now.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
You're defining the dream scenario, which isn't a dream. Let's not call it a dream. The way it's supposed to be, right? We all have the capacity of having. And what it is, is two humans who have done a tremendous amount of self-help work in whatever form that came, that healed and got to a place of core safety inside. And when two safe humans come together, magic can happen.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And you keep doing the self-help work, right? It's not like you're still curious every day. What more can I do? How can I help little Lewis? What can I do? Like the part of you that was actually so successful, but at a six or a four, You were living with self-like qualities, right? So it was almost like you can be... Yeah, it's there. You can feel creativity here.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
You can feel that connection there. It's not as flowing, not as consistent. But it's not in a flow. It's not harmonious, right? But it's still great and it's still there. And that's the way many successful people live. It's like, this thing is all great here, but I still feel like shit inside. You know what I mean? And that's very common.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
But I want to sort of make people feel seen in this conversation right now, which is that We all have exiles. We all have protectors. We all have lived and we'll see them.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
But the more the reality, the bottom line is the promises that the more you tend these young parts of yourself inside and care for them, starting with a book like this and then maybe taking it to therapy and then whatever it is, maybe it's not my books and somebody else's, whatever that is, going deep into the inner healing. The more free you are inside, the more free your life becomes.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
It's the home of greatness.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
The more free-flowing, the more you attract, the more you manifest, and the more steady, stable, and safe you are when big shit happens.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
It's fun. I walked in and I was like, wow, somebody made your home for you.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Oh, it's the best. The intro is so great. We have this whole introduction with the music. Yeah, yeah. It's the best moment.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Oh my God. Oh my God.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
But somebody built your dream home for you. I know.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
That's the whole thing.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Yeah.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Well, that's actually one of the benefits of starting to have more access to self, right? Yeah. Because remember, we all have self. So it's not like you're getting something. You're just creating more access to it. Capital self, right? Yes, self energy, that energy of calm, connection, compassion, curiosity, right?
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
So that calmness that you had there was a result of you having done all this great transformational work on yourself. And so now as this adult resource, beautiful soul, not just like a literal adult, right? Because you are an adult, but like there's just sort of this like new nature.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Correct. You can care for yourself in different ways. You feel less burdened. You're not as extreme or reactive. And so when things that used to burden you happen, you can actually be more calm in those experiences. And that's because you've established a stronger access to self-energy. And we, like I said, we never lose self. We've just blocked it. It's been the sun behind the clouds.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And I want to make sure I quote the right person. I think it was Stephen Krantz. The sun behind the clouds. And we start to release those clouds and the sun starts to shine. And so in that presence of that sun that you live in, that light that you live in now, These annoying situations can happen and you can actually turn them into magic and gold. Yeah.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Give people an extra Q&A, witness yourself in a transformation, use it as a tool, you know.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And I also want to point out, like, you can do all this work and all this work and still freak out, right? So like the other day, we're in your studio and I was sort of in my old, it was in a studio I work in in New York initially, the lighting sucked. And I walked in and like the controller was hardcore. And I love the people that work there. They're so beautiful.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
But I was just like, this lighting's crap. Like, fix this lighting. It's making me look like a skeleton. Like, I don't like this. This is like, I might as well. I was like kind of in that place. I was like, I might as well not even. You're a little girl, right? I might as well not even. Why am I even shooting the video? I should just do the audio. Like, this is bad. We have to fix this.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And then I calmed down. I checked in. Checked in. I went into the back room. I checked in. Came back. I said... Guys, I'm totally freaking out. And I'm still quite serious about the lighting. And it's something I really want to fix. And I'm actually going to move some lights around right now with your permission.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
But, and I'm going to send an email personally and from my producer to the studio because I want to work on the situation. It's a problem, but it's not, you know, but you guys are great. And like, I love you. And I thank you for bearing with me. Thank you for letting me be controlling in that moment and just being so calm in my presence, even whatever.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
So you're going to have, it's your comeback rate, right? I walked in and I was in this attitude of like, what the is going on here? Right? The little girl. Yeah, yeah. Pigtails.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And I checked in, came back new. Yeah. Any moment.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
They become even more connected.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
That's what they call an IFS. Speak for the part, not as the part.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
So you had that experience happen on stage. It wasn't what you wanted. It was a little bit of a show. There was noise in the background. It's not like you're so zen now that you don't give a crap and that you don't say anything or you don't ask your team to do it better. But old Lewis might have been like, as the part, what the guys, what's going on here? How could you let me down like this?
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Why are you doing this? Make everybody leave feeling shame and blamed. Of course, we all have. Adult resource self-connected, self with a capital S connected Lewis can maybe next week, you know, we do a postmortem on the event. And you're like, you know what, guys? I'm going to speak for the part of me that was pretty activated.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
You know, it was like I was on the stage and I was kind of like frustrated and I just want to speak for that because like it's real. And like, I really I really want this team to be the best that we can be. And with no blame or shame or all, I just want to really just highlight this area that things could have been a little bit different.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Maybe you guys, I'm curious, like, do you guys have any ideas of things that we could do differently next time? And, you know, I just want to make sure we connect on that. Even use the C words, right? Like, I'm curious. Can we connect on that? And, you know, do we have any creative ideas or possibilities for how we could do it differently?
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And it's not even about the words. It's the energy, right? If you could say anything to someone, Lewis... As long as you're in self. That's a tricky thing to say, right? It's not like you can't say a racist comment to somebody in self-energy, but you can say far more difficult things in self than you otherwise would ever be able to say.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And if you don't have self and you're saying all the right things, it won't work.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
It's so beautiful what you're describing, Your experience of being in the presence of self. Yeah. And think about, and it's not necessarily for the viewer that everyone's going to be the next Lewis Howes or the next Tony Robbins, right? In this instance, Tony's presence reflected back to you the presence you were ready to step into.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
But that's everyone. That's for everyone. So we can all access our own inner Tony Robbins self, the creativity, the courage, the compassion, the connection, that laser focus that he has is all self-energy. I just saw a spark of light over you, by the way. That's when I see the angels in the room. And so the, okay, so now I'm channeling.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
So that connection, that fluid connection is for every single listener, every single person watching. Because it doesn't matter what you do with it, right? The most important thing you do with it is you bring it to your kids or the children in your life.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
That presence, it doesn't matter if you're Tony Robbins, you're the next president of the United States, or you're an adult figure in a child's life is equally as important. When we access self and we can bring that self-energy to the young people in our world, think about how much
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
how much self-help work we're doing for them right because if a child has presence of self-energy in their life their protectors feel safer they become less burdened adults that's how we change the world that's how we change the world All the political issues that we have, all the wars that we have, that's just protector parts at war with each other. It's all young, wounded children.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
In power.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
It's what Dick Schwartz calls self-led leadership. OK, so and I'm as I access more self, I can lead my team with more self. Right. So so leaders who have that self-energy and I can name a few definitely like Michelle Obama or Barack Obama. I think I don't want to be just so political, but there's an Oprah's self-led leader. Right. Not just even famous people. Right.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Three things you just said, patient, setting the intention and not settling for something that you don't want.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Like the teachers that you were talking about are those coaches in those moments, self-led leaders. have such a profound impact. You were just describing it, right? As a kid, these coaches and teachers in these moments offered self-energy to you, impacted you tremendously, and created a pathway for you. And imprinted you. It imprinted upon you.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
So asking yourself when I'm with my child or a child, am I calm? Am I connected? Am I curious? Am I courageous? Am I feeling any kind of creative energy or compassion, curiosity? The curiosity is the big one with kids too.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And, you know, I want to create, I am, this year I'm going to create something new and it's going to be called self-impact training. And it's going to teach leaders predominantly how to master this.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Because, but not just leaders, just, just humans, right? But people that have to, that want to make an impact, not just leaders, anyone that wants to make an impact to come through with this We can't do the big work that we're here to do in the world if our child parts are doing it.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
You can't run your business like the 10-year-old self. You can't, you know, make a movement when you're constantly in your addiction, right? It doesn't work. So we have to heal ourselves.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Those are huge qualities of a super attractor, which of course you embody, but patience is probably the biggest one because it's when we're sort of, when we're thirsty or inserting ourselves or we're controlling, it's just completely the opposite of allowing.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
That's actually quite good.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Absolutely. I think that sometimes the best advice that I can give somebody is to stop. Stop doing what you're doing because you're doing it from a place that's a protector. And so it's stop and check in. Sit and check in. First step of having the choice to check in is that moment when you let that light come in, right? It's the cracking open to what's possible. I always share this Rumi quote.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
It's my favorite quote. I've shared it here on this podcast before. The wound is the place where the light enters you. Those wounded parts of ourselves are our greatest opportunities for transformational growth and extreme development. And here's what I believe as a spiritual teacher. I believe that Before we come into this body in this way, we sit down with our guides, our angels.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And there's actually, as always, what I believe, it was reinforced to me recently by this medium. It's like, yeah, that is exactly what happens. You sit down with your guides and your angels and you're looking at this list of life that you want to have. And you say, well, who do I want to be? What do I want to go through?
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
What are the experiences that I want to have so that I can learn the lessons that I am here to learn so that I can pursue whatever it is that this lifetime has meant for me?
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And I believe that you and I both sat there with our guides and we said, we're going to have this abuse as children, and we're going to have these extreme experiences, and we're going to do, and I'm not going to put that on you, I'll put it on myself, right?
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
I'm going to have these experiences of trauma and attachment wounds and severe cocaine addiction and physical issues and remembering the trauma, all of that. Check, check, check, check, check. As a journey back to self. And I recognize that none of it is an accident. There are no bad parts of who I am, as Dick always says, no bad parts.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And I chose this path so I could unlearn the wounds of the world and remember the light and the self of who I am. And no one is different. I mean, everyone, take it or leave it. They don't have to have my spiritual faith.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
But if you can start to see and witness these parts of yourself, Dick says there's no bad parts. And so as you start to witness these parts of yourself through that lens of compassion... You know, Lewis, I was a fellow for a while at this recovery center near my home. And I would go in every month.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And each month, it would be a new group of 100 people that were the new – because it was a 21-day program. So each month, it was new people. In the addiction program, recovery program. And the majority of them had one to two days clean. Okay? Because they were new. It was like a new wave of people. Okay. And I'd come in and I would teach them of this work.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And I would suggest to them that the addict was just trying to protect them.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And I'd offer them the opportunity to consider that, right? Because when you're deep in your addiction, you're like, nope, I hate this part of myself. This part of myself is ruined by life. I'm a shame. I'm a horrible person. I'm, I'm, I'm. And to just even slightly tease that out a little and say, well, everybody here in this room, what is your addiction protecting you from?
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And every single one of them would say this trauma and that trauma and this trauma and that trauma stories flying through the room. And then we'd say, okay, well, so if you had this extreme experience that you don't know how to manage and you've been using this thing to manage those big feelings, you see how it's been trying to protect you?
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And when you look at it through that lens, how do you feel? And everyone in the room would say compassion.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Not everyone. Not everybody was ready for the compassion. Sure, sure, sure. But it would come through.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Cocaine and alcohol, yeah.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Well, work. I also had food, work, love. Sure, sure. It was like multifaceted.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
I think that as impatient as I am, I'm also really in just tremendous faith. I think as like 20 years being a spiritual student, really my whole life, I feel like I've been a spiritual student. I have such a strong ingrained knowing and trust in timing.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
What it's saying is they have extreme traumatized little exiles inside and they've done everything they could to manage those feelings and that management didn't work anymore. And the firefighter of addiction has stepped in to put out the fire.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And they deserve compassion. They deserve connection. Now, if you're someone who's in a relationship with an addict and you've, you know, tried your best to do all the things, you know, sometimes the most kind and loving and compassionate thing to do is to cut yourself off. Wow.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And I say that with, because this is sort of the premise of some of the 12 step work, which is some of the Al-Anon work, which is, well, let's not say Al-Anon, some of the codependency recovery work is, is, is really that, you know, you can't, can't, you don't enable the addict, right? But they all, but you have to trust that they have self inside.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Depends on how much you want it as a cocaine addict, right? So it also depends on the drug of choice, right? Because if you're trying to get off heroin, it's very different than getting off cocaine, right? You get off cocaine, you just feel better right away. You might detox a little bit, but ultimately you just feel like, you're just like, whoa, I feel better today. I'm not anxious.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
I'm not crawling out of my skin. Whereas coming off of, you know, heroin or opioids, I mean, that's brutal. You deserve detox. You deserve support. You know, go to an ER and get the detox that you need. Get whatever support that you need because that's a different journey. But if you want it, if you want it. And that's the question. I think all these addicts, well, of course I want it. Right.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
But I want to be careful with what I say because everybody would want it. Right. They want it. But there might be parts of you still that want to lean and stay. Hold on. Right. Of course. It makes you feel safer. Makes them feel safer. There's a relief. Or that's the way that they think that the only way they think they can get ahead or it's still fun or whatever. Right.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Sometimes it's so it's when we hit those big bottoms that we really stay clean and get clean oftentimes because sometimes It's no longer fun. It's so destructive. We don't want it anymore. For me, that was the case. I just didn't want it anymore. I struggled for several months in and out of this therapy that I was doing. I'm not an alcoholic. I'm just a cocaine addict. I just kept going back out.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Or I'll drink. I won't do coke. And then I always end up doing coke. And then finally... I found my way into a program and, um, into a self-guided program. And I, um, I got myself clean and sober, you know, with, with the group. And I, um, I didn't go to, I didn't go to, um, treatment, but I, um, you had to get my, my program. And I, I swear it, um, worked for me. Actually,
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
In a week, I'm celebrating 19 years. Well, actually, no, let's say this is January now. Actually, a few months ago, I just celebrated 19 years of sobriety. So now I'm 19 years sober.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Yeah. And I wanted it. But also that desire and that willingness is really the whole thing.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
But it's slow. You know, they say in 12 Steps, like, keep it simple, stupid. And, you know, it's like slow and steady. And people always would say to me, like, early in recovery, like, I wish you a slow recovery. And because... You don't want to try to be, you know, 20 years sober today. It's not going to happen.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And I can look back almost two decades now and say every part of that journey was exactly as it needed to be.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And the thing that's nice about the willingness and the wanting it is that if you do find your way to whatever kind of recovery path you find, it does feel good when you start to get a little bit of it.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And then you want to reach for more and reach for more.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Only the small things.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Like, often with work-related things, because much like you, and I think much like many entrepreneurs, we happen to just sort of see things further than maybe, or think about the process or see the big picture faster than somebody else might. And that doesn't mean that that's better or worse. Then you need the people that are like, wait, slow it down and let me figure out the plan, right?
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
So there's four steps. Choose to check in with the parts of you that are burdened. Become curious about those parts and let them talk to you. Be curious. What do I need to know about these burdened beliefs that I've had over the last three years and what I'm carrying? Check in. Become curious. Extend compassion by asking, what do you need? And then let those C qualities emerge.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
I'm telling you, from now on, for the rest of my life, people are going to be like, well, what do I do to manifest? I'm just going to be like, check in. Check in and check in and check in more. Four-step check-in. Do it more and more and more. This is the secret. This is the key to manifesting. We manifest what we believe. And that was some of the first words out of my mouth here today.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And so how do you want to change the patterns and burdens? And how do you want to attract more of what you want into your life? You tend to the belief systems that are holding you back with this four-step check-in process.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
I just want to say something to you. So on behalf of all your listeners and viewers, because I meet people all the time that flip out when they find out I'm friends with you, because you've really helped heal them and helped them, given them the resources to heal. And with your wisdom and with your interviews, but most importantly, with your self-energy.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And as a friend of yours and someone who feels so seen and safe and connected and supported, right here, right now, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart, I want you to feel how grateful I am to have a presence of self like you in my life. And on behalf of all of your beautiful community out there. Because I think they're all going to say this.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
One can't exist without the other. But because I have such a visionary way of thinking, I can be so five, six, seven, 10 steps ahead that the, and then other people around me are kind of like, whoa, peel it back, that's when I'm like, wait, no, no, no, I want to move things faster.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
In the comments, everyone, tell Louis how much you love him.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
You deserve it.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
I love you.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
You know, people like this work, they want more support with it. Go to deargabby.com forward slash app because there's my Dear Gabby coaching membership and inside it is a lot more self-help guidance, just extra processes here. But affirmations you can pull, two-minute exercises, long deep dive coaching. It's your coach in your pocket pretty much.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
So if you're like, I like the way what she's saying and I want more of her, that's the place to go.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And I think I have a sense of urgency around knowing that this is... I keep saying lately, it's go time. It's go time. Not just for the individual, but also I feel as a teacher, it's go time. I have to make sure that I am... able to touch as many people as possible. It's a crucial time right now.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
We manifest what we believe. So if we are stuck in a core wound, traumatized story, a neural loop of fight, flight, freeze, we're living in a way where we're so afraid or blocked because of those core belief systems that
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
What ends up happening is that no matter how hard we try to manifest, no matter how much we deepen spiritually or how much we hold the vision, like you said, right, and have the intention, things may show up because your focus is redirected, but then it may show up and you can't keep it or it falls apart or things just aren't in the flow.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And that lack of flow is often truly because of the core wounds from our very early, early, early years. And so it's funny. This is my most therapeutic book. I went and I got trained in internal family systems therapy. It's a therapy that I've used for a decade with my own therapist. It's coming up on a decade, maybe nine years now. And then I got trained in the model.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And I was so moved by it that I wrote this more therapeutic book. Now, while this is my most therapeutic self-help book, it's very spiritual too, but it's probably the most important manifesting book. Not because it's got lessons on manifesting, but because the secret to truly manifesting what you desire is to heal the beliefs that block those desires.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Period.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Well, most people, I think, are walking through life with beliefs of being unworthy, unlovable, inadequate, not good enough. Maybe they feel worthy in one area of their life, but they're completely blocked in another.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And so the areas in our life where we lack that confidence and that clarity and that connection and that calmness that you talked about when you were manifesting the house, sort of like the just relax, knowing it'll come if it's meant to be, the places in our life where we don't have that are the places where we have the most wounds.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
If you were to say, okay, I'm really great at detracting things into my career, but my relationships, I'm just a show. Okay, well, what is the core wound that's tied to those relationships? What happened to you as a child? What do you know about relationships? Was there trauma there? And this is sort of self-help 101 or therapy 101. We all kind of understand this on a kind of
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
In the periphery, we're like, oh, yeah, I get that. This thing happened to me and then I'm going to hold on to it. But this book is like, no, no, no, no. The life you're experiencing is a result of the roles that you play, the parts that you play each and every single day. The world is like this theatrical event that we show up for on a day-to-day basis.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And the parts of us that show up are different characters in our life.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
These extreme parts, these addicted parts, these fearful parts. So we're like lots of different actors in the show that is our life.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
So in IFS, internal family systems therapy, I'm going to break this down. So we're going to talk around it. Let's just break it down from the get-go. Okay. So my gift in this lifetime is to just simplify big ideas. And my gift to Dick Schwartz, who's one of my cherished friends, the founder of IFS, is to take his extraordinary body of work that healed my life and to translate it and demystify it.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And simplify it. And simplify it and democratize it. So here we are. Internal family systems therapy is not about your external family. It's about an inner family of parts of us. So we have these lots of little children inside.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
It does and it doesn't. Let me keep it simple, right? Have you ever said a part of me gets really outraged when Marta does this or a part of me flips out when I can't control something?
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Yeah, yes. You're kind of familiar with those parts of yourself. You even said it earlier. A part of me is really, I don't even know if you said a part of me, maybe, but you're like, I can be really impatient.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And these parts of us, often the extreme ones, are protection mechanisms. So the controlling aspects, the managing of the day-to-day things that we have to get done, the perfectionism, the overthinking, the playing small, these extreme roles that we play in momentary situations in our life, or really sometimes all day, every day, are protection mechanisms.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
So the extreme, so if you look at your life and you're saying, okay, there's parts of me that I don't like, or there's parts of me or ways I act out that feel extreme, or there's behaviors that I have that I just can't kick, addiction, overeating, drinking. And you see these things that you do, these behaviors that you have that you just don't know how to change.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
It's because they're very, very young parts of yourself. They've been around for a very long time.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
They never got a chance to grow up, these parts of you.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Okay, so let me get this. Let me keep it simple. So I'm going to keep coming back to the simplicity, okay? Like I'm putting my, okay, let's keep it simple.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
We can have many, many parts of us. So let's keep it simple. So very young. We grow up where we come into this world. We're like these perfect little people. We're so happy. Everything's beautiful. Hopefully we enter the world in a safe, peaceful way. And from a very young age, we start to experience the burdens of the world. A parent that doesn't have a strong attachment.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
In the case for you and myself, having sexual abuse as children. So sometimes it could be extreme traumas like that, or it could be something along the lines of being bullied in the classroom or being told that you're stupid by your teacher. These moments in time are so extreme for our child brains to process, right? We don't have the resources. We don't have the brain capacity.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
We manifest what we believe. So if we are stuck in a core wound, traumatized story, a neural loop of fight, flight, freeze, we're living in a way where we're so afraid or blocked because of those core belief systems What ends up happening is that no matter how hard we try to manifest, no matter how much we deepen spiritually or how much we hold the vision, like you said, right?
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
And have the intention. Things may show up because your focus is redirected, but then it may show up and you can't keep it or it falls apart or things just aren't in the flow. And that lack of flow is often truly because of the core wounds from very early, early, early years. And so my, my, it's funny, this is my most therapeutic book.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
It's I went and I got trained in internal family systems therapy. It's a therapy that I've used for a decade and with my own therapist, it's about, it's coming up on a deck, maybe nine years now. And then I got trained in the model and I was so moved by it. that I wrote this more therapeutic book.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
Now, while this is my most therapeutic self-help book, it's very spiritual too, but it's probably the most important manifesting book. Not because it's got lessons on manifesting, but because the secret to truly manifesting what you desire is to heal the beliefs that block those desires. Period.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
Well, most people I think are walking through life with beliefs of being unworthy, unlovable, inadequate, not good enough. Maybe they feel worthy in one area of their life, but they're completely blocked in another.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
And so the areas in our life where we lack that confidence and that clarity and that connection and that calmness that you talked about when you were manifesting the house, sort of like the just relax, knowing it'll come if it's meant to be. The places in our life where we don't have that are the places where we have the most wounds.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
If you were to say, okay, I'm really great at detracting things into my career, but my relationships, I'm just a show. Okay, well, what is the core wound that's tied to those relationships? What happened to you as a child? What do you know about relationships? Was there trauma there? And this is sort of self-help 101 or therapy 101. We all kind of understand this on a kind of in the periphery.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
We're like, okay, I get that. This thing happened to me and then I'm going to hold on to it. But this book is like, no, no, no, no. The life you're experiencing is a result of the roles that you play, the parts that you play each and every single day. The world is like this theatrical event that we show up for on a day-to-day basis.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
And the parts of us that show up are different characters in our life.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
these extreme parts, these addicted parts, these fearful parts. So we're like lots of different actors in the show that is our life.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
So in IFS, internal family systems therapy, I'm going to break this down. So we're going to talk around it. Let's just break it down from the get go. Okay. So my gift in this lifetime is to just simplify big ideas.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
And so, and my gift to Dick Schwartz, who's one of my cherished friends, the founder of IFS, is to take his extraordinary body of work that healed my life and to translate it and demystify it and simplify it and democratize it. So here we are. Internal family systems therapy is not about your external family. It's about an inner family of parts of us.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
So we have these lots of little children inside.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
It does and it doesn't, let me keep it simple, right? Have you ever said a part of me gets really outraged when Marta does this, or a part of me flips out when I can't control something?
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
Yeah, yes, you're kind of familiar with those parts of yourself. You even said it earlier, a part of me is really, I don't even know if you said a part of me, maybe, but you're like, I can be really impatient.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
That impatience is a part, right? And these parts of us, often the extreme ones, are protection mechanisms. So the controlling aspects, the managing of the day-to-day things that we have to get done, the perfectionism, the overthinking, the playing small, these extreme roles that we play in momentary situations in our life, or really sometimes all day, every day, are protection mechanisms.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
So if you look to your life and you're saying, okay, there's parts of me that I don't like, or there's parts of me or ways I act out that feel extreme, or there's behaviors that I have that I just can't kick, addiction, overeating, drinking. And you see these things that you do, these behaviors that you have that you just don't know how to change.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
It's because they're very, very young parts of yourself. They've been around for a very long time.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
They never got a chance to grow up, these parts of you.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
Okay, so let me get this, let me keep it simple. Yeah. So I'm gonna keep coming back to the simplicity, okay? Like I'm putting my, okay, let's keep it simple.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
We can have many, many parts of us. So let's keep it simple. So very young. We grow up where we come into this world. We're like these perfect little people. We're so happy. Everything's beautiful. Hopefully we enter the world in a safe, peaceful way. And from a very young age, we start to experience the burdens of the world. A parent that doesn't have a strong attachment.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
In the case for you and myself, having sexual abuse as children. So sometimes it could be extreme traumas like that, or it could be something along the lines of being bullied in the classroom or being told that you're stupid by your teacher. These moments in time are so extreme for our child brains to process.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
we don't have the resources, we don't have the brain capacity, and oftentimes we don't have the parents or caregivers to help us process these extreme disturbances.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
Or in the case of you and me, we don't have anyone to tell.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
Or in my case, I dissociated, didn't even have the memory, right? And so what do we do? We build up protection mechanisms. For me, one of those protection mechanisms was straight up dissociation, like left my body, like dissociated from reality. For others, it could be, and this is young, at a young, young age, you know, it could be, okay, this thing happened to you as a child.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
And all of a sudden you go into this extreme protection mechanism of trying to be perfect because you had this shameful experience. So perfection makes you feel safe. Or give my son for an example. I have a six-year-old son. When he was three years old, he was in a Montessori program. And so it was three to six-year-olds. There was a six-year-old in his class and he was just out of diapers.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
And that six-year-old was sort of like, you know, who is this three-year-old? I don't want anything to do with him. I mean, it was just kind of bossy to him. And at a very young age, all they learned, like, I got to be the boss because that was so extreme. This kid is bigger. I want to be like him. He hates me. He tells me he hates me. He tells me to leave him alone, which kids are mean.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
But my little boy has this thing of I got to be the boss. So he's got this misguided belief I need to be a boss. So what does he do?
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
Walks around with his Nerf gun, you know, and he walks around like, like with his, like his shooter and he's like, I'm the boss, you know, this is like little innocent six year old, but he wants to be the boss because he's protecting himself from that feeling from three years old. Okay. I watched this whole part develop in a person. So an extreme thing happens, big or small.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
In the case of Ollie, it was a six year old, right? In the case of me, it was, it was something much more extreme. Hopefully Holly never has to experience that. But whatever it is, we have extreme experiences and we exile them. We exile them. Those are called exiled parts of us.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
These are the little, young, traumatized children that had nowhere to go, no one to care for them, no one to support them. And we said, I'm going to lock that up, send them into the basement, don't ever talk to that person, see that part of me ever again. And at three years old, five years old, whatever it is, we start to decide, I'm going to do this to protect myself from feeling this.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
So Ollie's the perfect example. I got bullied. I'm going to start to be the boss so that I never have to feel that fear again of that bullying.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
Yeah. And we have, and then lots of different protectors and there's two types of protectors. So you're still tracking with me here. I know you are. I just want to make sure that the audience is still tracking with me. I'm going to take this slow. So exiled parts of the young, traumatized little children don't want to feel those feelings. So they're too extreme, right, Lewis?
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
It's like, how could a child, you can't understand it. Your brain's not able to process it. Most adult brains don't have the ability to process that. Or most parents would say, you're fine, you're fine. Just get shut down. If you even did bring it to somebody, you'd be shut down, right? Especially with, or in cases of, you know, real extreme trauma, you don't feel safe enough to talk about it.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
shut it down then you build up these protection mechanisms protector parts there's two types of protector parts but in my book i really just focus on one type so we'll focus we'll stay close to that there's managers and firefighters and so the managers are who we talk about in the book because the firefighters are who i want people to go to therapy to work with but the managers are
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
the control-free, you know, for me, I'm just gonna name my managers, you know, like, one would be like Knives Out is another one I named, like, if you with me, I'm like Knives Are Out, like, you know, like, you know. Destroy you, yeah, that's a manager. Vigilance was a manager for me. Just sort of like anxiety was kind of a manager for me. Think about it, anxiety, right?
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
If I'm anxious and I'm, you know, moving, moving, moving so fast, like when you first met me, totally out of my body, hadn't remembered the trauma yet, totally scared. when I think about that time, you know? That anxiety was actually a form of protection.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
Because if I'm an anxious state, I don't have to feel the horror and the fear and terror of that other state. So that's a manager, the parts of us that are with us all day long, managing the big feelings of the exile. Okay.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
And then when the managers don't work anymore, like let's say something very big happens in your life, something extreme, and the managing is no longer working, that's when the firefighters come in. The firefighters will do whatever it takes to put out the fire of those impermissible feelings.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
And that's when you pick up the drugs, pick up the workaholism, pick up the alcohol, the sex, the porn, the binging. the extreme addictive parts of ourselves. And those are the most extreme parts of us are the ones that are working the hardest to keep us safe from those feelings. And then there's good news. You ready for the good news? Yeah. We all have an inner parent inside of us.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
So those are all the young children inside, right? The exiles, the managers, the firefighters, right? The protectors and the exiles. They're all like running our world, right? Where like one trigger happens, this protector shows up, another trigger happens, it's like protector to protector. It's like a boxing match all day long, walking through life.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
Exhausting. Why do people have burnout? Why do people have stress? Why do people have chronic pain? Of course, there's a whole chapter in the book called Body Parts, how the body, like physical pain is a protector.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
Like if I have back pain, I don't have to feel my childhood wounds. We're going to get into that. The good news is that we all have what Dick Schwartz has coined is self with a capital S and self is our adult, undamaged, resourced part of who we are. It's the truth of who we are. It's the spirit of who we are. It's the God within us. It is an energy and self has eight C qualities.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
compassion, calm, connection, creativity, courage, clarity, commitment. I'm missing one. I don't even know. I always miss a C. They're all in there. And connectedness. I think I got to them. We'll find the eight Cs in the book and we'll get these together.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
You know, it's so funny. Confidence is the one I always miss, but it's the one that I often feel we're quite connected to. So I won't forget confidence anymore.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
So I'm going to really try to keep this simple. So just think about it like you have an inner parent.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
We all do. And let's just keep it simple. Let's keep it super simple. You know those times in your life when, let's say Marta came to you and she was really struggling with something and you just, your heart was filled up with compassion. No matter how extreme the thing that happened to her, you just felt connected to her. You were a calm presence for her.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
You had deep compassion for her experience. You had clarity on how to communicate. You felt like you had the courage to speak up for what was true. And that really just, it wasn't even what you said, but it was that presence alone that helped her.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
That's self energy. With a capital S. With a capital S. The adult self. It's your true self.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
It's your essence. There's a really beautiful quote in the book that I share that's about how self is like the sun behind the clouds. And it's there, but the clouds are just in the way. So self is always been there, right? You feel self in Shavasana. You feel self after a long run. You feel self, we're in self right now. Like this is our creative force, right? We're in the flow.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
Like we have so much connection. We have so much creativity, right? We have clarity about what we're talking about. This is self energy right here. Like if you're watching and you're feeling elevated, excited, calm, soothed, that's because our self-energy is coming through the screen or through the audio. And so we all have it. It's that we have to release the blocks to the presence of it.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
It's a four-step practice I put in the book.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
Yeah. The whole book. So what I've done is I've taken this huge therapy, internal family systems therapy, super in the zeitgeist right now. God bless. It's the most valuable healing modality, particularly for trauma. And it's the kind of thing that I felt only people that were going to find their way to an IFS therapist were going to get this. And I was sitting at a dinner with Dick Schwartz.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
I hosted a dinner for him. Just again, he's the founder of IFS, started this about 40, 43 years ago, 44 years ago. And I was sitting next to Dick and this was shortly after I'd taken the training and we'd become friends. And I looked at him and we're at a dinner I'm hosting for him. And it's like having Lady Gaga at my house. And I look at him and I'm like, I have to tell you something.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
I'm like, I'm scared to tell you this, but I want to write a book called self-help, self-help. And I want to make IFS self-help. And he looked at me, his eyes just like widened. And he was like, I've always wanted somebody to do that. And in the forward, he says, you know, I've always been looking for that person with the, the self-help spiritual bonafides and, and, and, and then Gabby's here.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
And so that's, that's one of the greatest privileges of my life is to take someone else's body of work and translate it.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
The four-step is not IFS. It's an IFS-informed self-help practice. And that's really important for me to say, Lewis, because if you're going into IFS therapy, you have a therapist with you. You're doing a six-step inquiry, almost like an interview with the parts. It's like an unburdening process. You can work with firefighters and exiles. I am not doing that. I am not a therapist.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
I'm a spiritual self-help author and teacher. I am trained in internal family systems therapy, but I'm not a therapist. So it was really important for me to take this and make it IFS informed.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
IFS approved, IFS informed. It's backed with Dick's blessing. And it's the way that you can take this model into your own hands safely. Safely is a really important point.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
Because I'm not trying to guide you to those exiled parts. The book is not trying to work with firefighters. That would be, and I say all throughout the book, like if this happens, if you're with a firefighter, there's an exile, go, there's an IFS therapist registry, go find somebody. But I'm trying to help you access these managers, the extreme parts that are with you all the time, day to day.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
And through a four-step inquiry, let self-help.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
So you let me know when you're ready for that.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
I feel like I'm just so excited about this. This is my first real interview about this. So it's like very thrilling to me. Questions before I go on.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
Okay, so first of all, 100%, that's exactly the answer. This is the four-step process. The other thing is, is How many personal development programs have we sat in where someone's like, oh, you have limiting beliefs and the limiting beliefs are blocking you. But then you're like, how the do I get rid of these limiting beliefs, right?
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
Like, you never leave and you're like, okay, I know the playbook, right, for changing. Maybe you have a little tip here or manifesting tool there. And look, you know, I've written, this is my 10th book. So I have nine other books with other practices, which all work. all are valuable, all have their own purpose, right? Particularly spiritual practices in these other books.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
And they all are bringing you to self for sure. But this is addressing the actual neural redirection in the brain. Because when you practice this four-step method, what's happening is you're rewiring your experience and your relationship to these parts of who you are.
The School of Greatness
3 Secrets To Manifesting Anything
You're taking all these little people inside of you that have these belief systems that are holding you back and you're bringing the internal parent of self to them to help them.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
Well, because think about it like this, like my controller part, I've done so much work with her. You can gender these parts of you. They have no gender. They could have the opposite gender. It doesn't like sort of whatever is intuitive for you. My parts are female. So So I have that controller part that you knew for so long or the anxiety part, right?
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
Even to think about where we were maybe 10 years ago in these conversations to where I am with you right now and how much more self-energy you feel in this moment. It's going to make me cry. It means so much to me that you've been there with me.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
And when you first met me, I was like parts on fire, right? Like literally on fire. I was a workaholic. Both of us, yeah. Really extreme. I was sober, but like workaholism. I was just extreme anxiety. Didn't know that I had trauma, so I was living in hypervigilance. I was so scared all the time. I was so controlling. It was just like I was doing.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
You can still be going through hard things and do beautiful things in the world.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
Yeah, and do good, but you might be having a lot of struggle, right? And so as a result of this model and what I'm gonna teach everybody today and living this and developing this and practicing this and every day checking in with these parts of me, checking in with these parts of me, I've unburdened them. And so it's not that they go away, is that they're not extreme anymore.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
They're no longer wounded. They're in their beautifully developed chrysalis. Their new, for instance, the part of me that was a controller, I mean, that part did good things, right? She wrote 10 books in 14 years, right?
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
Yes, but now she can be in the flow, right? Like now she can be like, I don't have to force my way to, like, get this thing to there. I'm like, oh, you know what, Lewis? Like, I'm going to be in L.A. Like, does that work? I'll be there. Like, I can show up with an energy. She's on top. But she's, but she's trusting.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
Not forcing anything. She's just relaxed, like in the presence. So it's still like, so it's like a really great quality to have that control part present because she gets things done, but without craziness, right?
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
They're blocking self.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
That's correct. Yeah. You're so great at like digesting and bringing it back. Yeah, it's beautiful. That self right there in action, clarity. Clarity is one of those qualities of self. So you have such a good job of listening, thinking, pulling it together and bringing it back.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
It's called the check-in process. Okay, cool. Four-step check-in.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
And I like that because everybody has a few minutes to check in, right? Or a few seconds to check in throughout the day. And the simplicity of it being this four steps of checking in with the part makes it such that you can have this relationship to the part rather than why are you doing this? It's why the pain, right?
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
That's like what Gabor Mata always says, like not why the addiction, why the pain? And so by every moment when you notice a trigger or you have this space in your body to like see, oh, you know, I'm out of alignment right now. in those moments checking in are these moment to moment experiences of presence with bringing self to these parts. So I'll break it down for you.
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How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
And how I would do the steps.
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How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
They're watching right now. They're like, oh, shoot.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
Yeah, exactly. Yeah.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
Okay. So the protector that's freaking out, right? She's freaking out because something isn't going the way she wants, right? So she's the freaking out protector. I'm actually doing a lot of work with her in therapy right now, so it's nice. And I do IFS therapy, so of course.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
and she's having a freak out like you know some email isn't good or like the things aren't working as fast it seems not working as fast as possible or if she feels like she has a burden belief right this freak out girl her belief is if i don't do it nobody else will zing And so she is maybe just like, and she also has another, and I'm cursing a lot, but just bleep me, okay?
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
But she has another phrase that she says, which is like, what the fuck is going on here? And when I think about her, I think about, okay, so let me give you the check-in process. So let's say I notice she's coming in, she's showing up. And I'm like, oh, I notice her. I have enough awareness to be like, she's here. She needs help. So I need self to help, self help me. I'll say that again.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
I need self to help, self help me. I, you know, have that awareness. I choose to check in. Step one, choose to check in.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
Yes, because. Remember, parts are like little children. So if you try to force something on a little child, like if I try to go to Ollie and say to him, bro, what the hell is going on? You seem upset. Let's talk about it. He's like, no, mommy. Like, get away, mommy. Right? So there has to be some buy-in. Okay? So there's some buy-in and I'm going to choose to check in.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
It's both. Okay. So it's, it's the choice. Choice is a self like quality. but the part has to make the choice.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
Yeah, it has to be my presence of self and his willingness.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
You never know. Yeah, yeah. You never know. We would say 16, yeah, yeah. If he was 16 years old, he might say things like that. He would say, screw you, mommy. Yeah, yeah. So who makes you think of Cartman? Do you know that I do a really good Cartman? Screw you, man. I'm getting hit.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
I'm really good at it. That's good. Choose to check in. So choose to check in. Detour from Cartman.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
Choose to check in. So you have this awareness that the part's triggered and you're saying, okay, I'm gonna choose to check in right now. So you, step one, that's it, choose. And if you know that you feel that buy-in, like, okay, the part's ready to go, we can keep going, right?
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
Choosing to check in is also just sometimes even having the awareness that you need to check in, because that's like step one. Step two is curiosity, become curious. These are all C qualities, remember, right? So it's like acting as if. And so the curiosity is start, so I'm in this place where this manager is up and she's like, what the going on here?
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
I have to do everything, nobody else will do it. And so I choose to check in with her and I become curious and I start to notice the feelings and the thoughts and the sensations inside. I start asking her questions like, where do you feel that in your body? And she's like, I'm not breathing. And there's tension in my chest. And I start to say, you know, what kind of thoughts or sensations?
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How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
And her thoughts are like, what the fuck is going on here?
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How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
And I ask her for any images or visions. And she shows me my six-year-old self in my dining room with my pigtails. And I'm screaming. No bumps, no bumps. Because the only way that I could find control in this out of control life that I had was to control the bumps in my pigtails.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
Right. And so she's, so this girl that's now this adult that's screaming, what the is going on here is the little girl, this is the vision that she shows me, the little girl screaming no bumps with the pigtails. So I start having all the, I flash out this information about her. You can see I'm like, I could tear up as I think about her.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
and that connection that you can you feel that connection i'm having right now yes that connection shows me that there's some self-energy here okay and so as soon as you start to feel some kind of connection to that part the third step happens and by the way you can spend as much time as you want in curiosity you could just ask more questions let the part speak the parts want to speak step three compassionate connection
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
So I can look at that little girl and I can ask her, little Gabby, what do you need right now? And right away, she'll, she'll speak back. She'll say, you know, at times she said things like I need a mom or I need, I need to rest or I need to play. I need to scream. I need, you know, they're just speaking for what they need, right? I need to speak up. I need to be heard.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
And so the little voice gets to speak up and say what they need. And once that response comes through internally, the fourth step is to check for C qualities of self. So you scan your inner system and you ask yourself, do I feel any connection? Yes, right now in this moment, I just did the check-in with little Gabby and I feel connected to her. Do I feel compassion?
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
Holy, right now I feel so much compassion for her. Do I feel clarity? Yes. She just showed me. It's a little girl, right? She showed me exactly where she was. I feel clear what she needs. Do I feel calm? I feel calm, even more calm right now, just having done that check-in process out loud with you. Connected. Oh, yes. Courageous. Much more courageous. Clarity. I think I said confidence.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
Check for C's even if you just have one C quality of self show up. You feel a little bit more calm. You feel a little bit more compassionate. You feel a little more connected. You've done the four steps. You've done the four steps even if you just get to check in, to choose to check in. Just even the decision to check in for two seconds is the check-in process.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
Your manager won't have enough of a pause. to pivot because the managers, we can become blended with the managers, which means we believe that we are that, right? Those times in your life when you get so worked up, right? And you're so, that you're like, I am the only one that can do this. Or, you know, the only way to live life is to fight back and tell everybody else that they're wrong.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
And that's the only way to live. And if anybody challenges that, like that's, they're gone. Right? So we're blended with these parts. Right. So the only way to start this check-in process is to slightly unblend by choosing to check-in.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
Yeah, and there's going to be plenty of times when we're so blended that we can't do the check-in until two hours later, two days later, even two months later.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
Yeah, you can check in hours later.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
Most of the time when people start this work, they're going to find themselves the next day being like, ooh, what happened there? And then just check in, right? But you should start with little, that's why I want to work with managers because this is about a process, right? It's like making it a habit. Do it with the small moments, right? So like,
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
Just this morning, you know, like, or yesterday, right? I arrived in LA. I was like kind of overwhelmed by the energy. I didn't love like the view out of my hotel room. This sounds like a luxury problem, but like the energy is really important for me.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
I'm staring at like a Chase bank. I was just like, where, you know, I was like in this, and then you're like, you know, I want to have a good vibe right now. And so I was seeing that controller come in and she wasn't too bad, but she did ask my assistant to call five other hotels and like, you know, very lovingly asked, you know. And at night, she's like, I don't want to ever come back to LA.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
Like she's like, and so instead of like, actually I did fire off an email to my PR team. It was like, cancel an October trip. And then I was like, chill, okay. So I came back and I rewrote an email. I was like, don't cancel the October trip. And then I checked in with her. Wow. Right before. Wow, okay.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
And so she wasn't like, that's just like, this is a day-to-day thing that normally we're just acting out in these ways and we don't actually, maybe we come out of it because we just got some logic, but we never tend to it. And so I was like, oh, what do you need, honey? And so I just checked in with her and I heard her and she's like, I just want to feel like warm and safe.
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How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
And I just want to feel like I've got a good energy around me. And what do I need right now? I need to find the right place to land when I get here. And I need to just sort of sort those things out. And I started to feel calmer as I checked for those seed qualities. And so this is where the manifesting comes in. Okay. So she calmed down last night. Okay. She slept great.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
She woke up. She's like, I'm going to see Lewis today. She worked out. It was like 5 a.m. because I'm on East Coast. I was like, let's go work out. I was feeling great. I sat down, I had makeup done. I was like super chill. And I'm like, you know, I think my makeup artist who you met, Christina, and I was like, you know, Christina, I'm like, I had this whole job yesterday.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
I'm like, all I really want is like high vibe energy, super connected. I want to find my hotel in LA. I have to be out here all the time. I want to just make it my home, like leave a toothbrush. Like I want that. And then like, I'm coming back in October and I really want to have like a retreat-y vibe for two days because I need to write when I'm here and it's a weekend when I'm here.
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How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
I'm like, this is what I want. And I was like, it'll happen. Like the universe is going to deliver it. I call our mutual friend, Jeff Krasnow.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
Cause I got the hit. And I was like, you know, she's called Jeff, right?
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How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
It's a sanctuary. I was calling him about something totally different. Okay. I called Jeff and I'm like, Hey, and then I was like, Oh, you know what? As I'm talking to him, I'm like, I'm like, cause he's calling me about getting on the podcast. And I was like, Hey, I'm like, wait, when I come in LA, you're going to be doing a retreat in Topanga. And I was like, wait a second.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
I'm like, let me come for two days in Topanga. Like, is there a place for me to write? And can I like come do yoga with Skylar? And can I like, you take your class and eat food with you guys? And he's like, of course you can. And I was like, and then I was like, wait a second, hold on. So I just found my two days, my little retreat to go write. Right. And then I look at my calendar.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
I'm like, wait a second. I have a podcast interview in Topanga on Friday. Some of the guys showing up in Topanga. And then I'm on the phone with Jeff and he's like, you got to call Robin Burr's in. She's in LA. Call Burr's right now. She's staying at the Soho house. I was like, wait a second. I'm a member at the Soho house. There's a Soho house here?
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
And all of a sudden I thought there was no hotel. So I'm like, hold on a second. So I call Robin. She's like, get in the hotel. I call the hotel. There'll be one room left. Get in the hotel. I was saving so much money going over to this other hotel that I want to be with, with my, one of my best friends tonight. I find my hotel that I want.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
I mean, it sounds like a stupid luxury thing, but look how fast the manifesting was. And then boom, I was in the flow. Here I am. And I've got this whole next trip in October, totally sorted with the trip to Topanga, the hotel that's going to make me feel safe, the community I want to be with, the creative space to do my writing. Now, Did a controlling type A person make that happen? No.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
A creative, calm, connected, curious, right? Compassionate. We keep forgetting curiosity is self-energy. Curiosity.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
It was just like curious, right? Curiosity said, let me call Krasnow and see if he can do a podcast. And then he asked me about Topanga, right? Hello? Sounds stupid, but that that but my makeup artist was like, that all just fell into place like a domino in 30 minutes. Like, that feels really weird to me. I was like, this was this morning. That was right before I came. Wow.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
And so like, but that whole like boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, working out the details, that's how life is meant to be. We're meant to be in the flow and the awe and the synchronicity of self.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
So we wouldn't want to manage the parts of us. We'd want to bring self, we wouldn't let self help them, right? Just for language purposes. So it's not managing them. Right, because managers are managing, right?
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
Yeah, you can't, that's correct. Managing the managers is like when the firefighters come in or, you know, that's right, that's managed. You're really getting it, it's so cool. People might have to listen to this episode twice or read the book, right? Read the book, right? It's all there. So there's no way that you can manifest effortlessly unless you have tended to these protector parts.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
Because you might have a lot of things that you can create in your life, but you're upper limiting yourself. You're gonna hit ceilings, glass ceilings.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
Yeah, because your sheer will can get you some of the way there and, you know, whatever. And you may have a little bit of moments where that creative flow comes in, but then you just sort of block it again or, you know. But to live in the flow.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
To say it and it will be, this morning, I would like a retreat center and a home base in LA and 30 seconds later, clarity and curiosity, call Jeff, get curious, because manifesting isn't about just sitting around, nothing happens, you're doing. But to be a super attractor and to be a co-creator, you have to dwell in the energy of creativity. You have to be calm. You have to be faithful, right?
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
You have to be connected. You have to be courageous to take the action with that flow energy. You have to be curious about what's possible. You have to be creative, absolutely creative. Creative, creative, creative. You cannot be judging yourself. You have to be compassionate toward every part of who you are. And so we are all super attractors. We all have self in us.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
We all have the ability to live with ease, no matter what our circumstances might be. But there are absolutely some of us who have far more privilege than others. Let's be real about that, right? Like for those of us that are in Western cultures, those of us who can watch this podcast right now, we have privilege.
The School of Greatness
How To Overcome Your Past To Manifest Your Ideal Future
And those of us who have that privilege, it is our responsibility to do the self-help work, to clean up our side of the street, to get more flow in our life, because in that flow, we can serve more people.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Well, actually, yes. It was the therapy that I was doing at that time. And I've been doing it now for about a decade, yeah. And it was also what has been probably the greatest therapy in my trauma recovery. It's called internal family systems therapy. Such a great transformation for me that I went on to get the training in it. I'm a practitioner at IFS, even though I'm not a therapist.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
I was one of the last people to get to go through the level one and level two training in this that wasn't a therapist. So I've got this training. I'm very dear friends with the founder, Dr. Richard Schwartz. And in my latest book, my 10th book, Self-Help.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
It is all about how it's democratizing and demystifying and translating this therapy into a self-help practice so that folks that may not ever get to this. By the way, I think the best entrepreneurial book is this book. Like if you're an entrepreneur and you want to up-level your career, read this book.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Yep, and I'm gonna teach it to you from the self-help perspective because I'm gonna make it easier for people to begin to understand.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
So we all have a lot of different aspects of ourselves and maybe there's times in your life where you've said, a part of me feels like if I don't do it, nobody else will or if a part of me feels like I have to control or a part of me gets outraged when my spouse does X, Y, Z or when I don't get that deal at work, I go into this shame part of myself or we have these different aspects of ourselves that we're aware of.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
our workaholic, our, I'm just speaking to the entrepreneur, right? Our achiever, our people pleaser. These are like some of the entrepreneurial parts, right? Our controller. And these parts of ourselves are actually very young. Do you have any of those parts, Hala? Oh, yeah.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
So how long has your controller been around?
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
We're here today to learn to befriend that part of us. So in IFS, really what happens is IFS is talking about the inner family of parts of us inside. So it's like we're this multiple little people inside of us, like little children, inner children inside. And why are they there? They're protection mechanisms. These parts of us are protection.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Your controller, your people pleaser, they're all protection mechanisms called protector parts. Who are these protectors protecting? Very, very young, exiled parts of ourselves. So for me, it was the little girl who felt like her parents weren't caring for her and she felt totally alone and she felt like if I don't do it, nobody else is going to do it. So at a real young age, she learned that.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
I got to be in control to feel safe. If I'm not in control, I will die. Literally, that was the inner dialogue. Or the people pleaser might be like, well, I have to make sure everybody else is okay so that I'm still loved. These are young moments in time where we experience trauma.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Big T or small T trauma could be something extreme like mine with abuse or could be something less extreme like being bullied on the playground. Or in the case of my son, my son is neurodivergent. We just got this diagnosis and he's really struggling with his learning. And this is a big moment for him.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And if we don't step in as the adult figures, which we are, to get him the support and to see him and to hear him, most kids don't have that, right? Their parents are like, oh, good luck with that or get over it or whatever. then it becomes a part of them that they run from for the rest of their life.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Hala, so good to be with you. Thank you for having me.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And so we've been running, all of us have been running for our lives, protecting ourselves from these impermissible experiences from our childhood. And so the goal of IFS and particularly self-help is to befriend these younger parts of ourselves and to help these protection mechanisms feel calmer.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And remember I was saying earlier, like now I can lead my team from a place that's less controlling, from a place that's clear, from a place that's courageous and confident and calm. So what I am now is a self-led leader. This is what's called self in IFS. Self is an energy inside of us. Self is the presence of that calmness in us.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
The courage that we have, compassion we have, the confidence, the clarity, these C qualities, the creativity. So Hala, when you're designing your next podcast and you're just like in it and you're super and time is flying and you're not thinking and just stuff is super creative, that's self, right?
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
When I'm clear with my team, hey guys, this is what I need and I would love for you to help me get there. That's self, right? When I'm controlling, you know, for many years I ran my business like my 10-year-old part, right? Little girl. I remember my therapist being like, don't you think it would be helpful if you didn't run your business like your 10-year-old?
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And I was like, mm-hmm, yes, yes, I do. So what I want people to understand is that these parts run the show, particularly in entrepreneurs and folks that are running a business, because you've got pressure. You've got a lot of triggers throughout the day. You've got a lot of people that rely on you. You've got people that you have to deal with. Entrepreneurship is very people-y, okay?
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Unless you're just doing some code in the corner and you're not going to grow a team, but that's not... You're just working with robots, but we're not there exactly yet, right? People need people. And that can create a lot of triggers. And so our work as entrepreneurs often is a breeding ground for protection mechanisms to get really out of control.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And there's probably times at work when people are like, I don't know what came over me, or a lot of my entrepreneurial friends, they all have a similar quality of the control of or the workaholism, or the drive. And to your point, these parts of us have very valuable roles, right? My controller wrote 10 books in 14 years and has served a lot of souls.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
But she also, for most of those years, did it at her own expense, right? Did it without joy, did it with glimmers of joy, but not freedom, no ease, no calm, no courage, no connection, just a lot of running, running, running. And the beautiful thing is if we really want success in our career, we have to tend to the parts of ourselves that are still in those child protection modes.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
It's nice, too, to have friends, entrepreneurial friends that you can track with. Two of my really dear friends are my brothers, Jay Shetty and Lewis Howes. And Lewis in particular, you know, I would talk with them for years because they've seen me in these sort of iterations of being in my parts. I remember like a 15 years ago or 12 years ago, I was with Luis and his partner, Matt.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And I was like, you guys, I'm like freaking out. Like, I just can't build a team. And I'm just like, you know, losing my shit. And I just don't know what to do. And then a decade later, we were at Luis's wedding in Mexico. And he's just like, girl, you're chill right now. You're still right now. You're in such a good presence. And remember when, you know, remember when.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And so it's really nice to revisit our younger selves when we've done this work and to be able to be like, oh, the work works. I am a living testament to it. I've had some successes in my career, but I don't even think I've even scratched the surface.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
It already is. So being a more self-led leader rather than leading from a child place and having befriended these younger parts of myself, which I'll teach people how to do today, and really making it my biggest commitment, my number one job. I am now much more trusting, much more clear. Let's start with clarity, okay?
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
So the clarity is something that I really lacked when I was in that controller part, right? Because the controller was like, do more, do more, do more, get this done, da-da-da-da. The clarity has emerged so greatly that I was able to step back and say, whoa, my energy is being focused in the wrong place. Or, you know, I have to tweak the team so that I get the support that I need.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Unburdening the part of myself that believed if I don't do it, nobody else will has now put me into a place where I have so much confidence saying, you got to do the work, guys. This is what I need. Here's the clarity. And here's the courage and the confidence to say, I need it. And if you can't do it, I love you, God bless you, but this ain't going to work, right?
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And so that's a different energy. The clarity also is helping a lot with deciding what to do and what not to do. Because I think that one of the things that held me back so much was trying to do so much. And just a few weeks ago, I called my team. I said, oh, that thing, that book course that we're going to do in May, we're not doing that. scratch it, done, take it off the table.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Let's focus on Australia. Let's focus on our app and let's focus on this one or two things, not that. That was life-changing for me. Calmness is everything, right? So I can show up to my team calls and I can be much more calm because I'm not in that hypervigilant state of trying to force things to happen around me. And then I think that the clarity also begets more clarity. Self begets more self.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
So me being in self, as the leader, as an entrepreneur, we're sort of the mothership energy, right? Mothership, that's a bad word because it's male, female, whatever. But everyone's kind of co-regulating with us. Yes.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And so if we're showing up without clarity, without confidence, just lacking in that creative force and lacking with the direction and just feeling all over the place, we're gonna create more of that. We're gonna manifest more of that in our team. Not calm, right? If we start to feel calm inside, We start to believe and know we're truly taken care of, that we can ask for what we need.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
We can have the courage to speak up. We can have the confidence to lead in the ways that we know we should, the clarity to make the right choices. The team starts to open up to their self-energy. Self begets more self. And so they feel more calm. they are more clear. They can stick to the plan, right? I also put my big girl pants on. I realized I was the one I've been waiting for.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
I kept being like, you know, maybe my CEO husband's going to step up. It's like, no, no, my CEO energy's got to step up, right? Or like, maybe my chief of staff is going to fix all this. No, I'm the one to fix this, right? And so what did I do? You I went in and I went hard into the OKRs.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
I was like, the tagline of OKRs is like, if your team isn't sick of talking about OKRs, then you haven't really even begun talking about OKRs. So they hate it. Every week I'm like, let's go back to the annual OKRs. Let's go back to the quarterly OKRs. It's like, are we on track? Does everybody memorize the OKRs? Do we know what our goals are? Do we know what our key results are?
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Are we tracking people? And realizing that I was the one I've been waiting for allowed me to become my own internal parent, right? My own internal CEO, step up, do the great things that I need to do. And then as a result, do so much less, Hala. Because now I'm getting my needs met. People are able to do the work because I've asked them to. Yeah. Because I've created the plan.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Well, I definitely know that having a spiritual foundation as a child was really crucial for me in my life as the through line of my life. And my mom brought me up visiting ashrams and I was named by the gurus. And it was just a very natural thing for me to meditate, to talk about spirituality, to have a open dialogue about what that meant because it was in my home.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Because I'm not pissed off that no one's reading my mind.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And let me define what self and that's why the book is called Self Help, because when you start to turn inward, you start to tend and give curiosity and compassion and connection through my four step practice. You give this curious inquiry, which we can do together towards these younger parts.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And as you start to offer them that connection, self, the energy of self, that inner teacher, that internal parent, it starts to emerge naturally. Okay? So what happens is, I'm not going to even talk too much about it because you're going to experience it. I want to do it with you. But there's a beautiful quote in the book that's from an IFS practitioner called Stephen Kranz.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And he says that self is like the sun behind the clouds. And When the clouds begin to dissipate, the self-energy of the sun can emerge naturally. So it's already here. The adult resource, undamaged self, the part of us, the essence of who we are, the God within us, the love within us, the creativity, the spirit, the confidence, the courage, it's here.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
We've just built up these protection mechanisms that have been masking it like the clouds. And so this is about calming and connecting and compassionately connecting to these protection mechanisms so that self can emerge naturally. Okay.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Wait, let's do it. What part would you like to work with? You mentioned two already, the controller. You mentioned the people pleaser.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
So we're going to do it with Hala. And then if you're listening, you can kind of follow along or you can come back and do it on your own with the book. But here we are. So the first step, Hala, is to choose to check in with the part. And the thing that happens often is when the controller is activated... Let's say somebody didn't do something at work. What activates the controller in your life?
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Somebody does something wrong, the controller gets activated. What happens is often you might, we, I'll just speak for myself, become blended with the controller, and then we double down on the control. We check out. And so the point of the first step is instead of checking out with the controller, we choose to check it. Okay?
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
So knowing that there is a beat that we can take, just a little pattern interrupt, and that's the first step. Choose to turn your attention inward. That's number one. We've already done that because you said, I want to check in with the controller. Okay? Step two is curiosity. So I'm just going to ask you, you can keep your eyes open, closed, whatever feels good for you.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
For a few moments, just notice where that controller energy lives inside of you. Where does it live in your body? My stomach. Is there any shape or color attached to it?
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Probably red, I guess.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Yeah. And if there's any images or thoughts or sensations connected to it, you can just ask it some curiosity questions. What else do you want me to know?
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
But by the time I was in my 20s, I was really looking for my self-worth in all the wrong places. And really, being a young entrepreneur, I started my first company when I was 20, and I was representing nightclubs as a publicist. And that became my new god, really. It was like, let me get past the velvet ropes, say Gabby at the door.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Thank you. Okay. And how long has that part been around? Forever. Yeah. Yeah. Do you feel you have a little connection to it right now?
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Yes.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Are there any images that come to mind when you think about this part, when you tap into it?
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Maybe just long nights or rejection, things like that.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Yeah.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Okay. Yeah. Anything else that it wants us to know right now? I don't know. I feel like sad. Yeah. Yeah. That's real. Probably just working really hard. I don't know. Yeah. Just for a long time.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Yeah, this part's been working really hard for a long, long time. Yeah, I understand. Can you connect a little closer to that part right now in this third step and compassionately connect? And just now you have such nice access to it. Can you ask that part? What does it need? What does it need right now?
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Better support from the team. Anything else? More organization, maybe. Okay. Okay. A vacation.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Support, a vacation, a break. Yeah.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Yeah.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Okay. Can you put your hand on your belly where you feel it and just give it some breath right now? So take a really deep belly breath in, Hala, and just extend your diaphragm and then just let it go. Just connecting to this part, just let it know that I see it and that you see it, right? That we're with it right now.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Also that I really, really can have a lot of compassion and understanding because I've been there too. I understand that part a lot. Okay. And now with another deep breath, take one more deep breath. How do you feel right now? Good.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Not sad anymore.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Okay. How does that part feel inside of you?
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Good. More resolved, I guess.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
More calm?
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
More calm, yeah.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
A little clarity about it?
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Yeah. Are you a little bit more curious about it, maybe? Like, would you like to get to know more about it?
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Yeah.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Okay. Do you have a
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
compassion for it sounds like you did when you got sad a little bit yeah definitely yeah yeah some compassion to it and maybe some confidence to get to know it a little bit more yeah for sure yeah and you felt a lot of connection to it I mean I saw it in your whole physical body oh 100% yeah a lot of self-energy here Hollis so in those four steps instead of checking out and going and overriding yourself and just going into control control control we checked in
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Being a young entrepreneur, I started my first company when I was 20. That became my new God. I think the first decade of my career, maybe I had five or six books at that point. Interviewed on Oprah, Next Generation Thought Leader. It was like sort of benchmarks that I was just going towards. And by the time I was 25, I had a serious cocaine addiction. I can't remember things.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
We gave the part, which is a little girl inside of you or a little person inside girl. I don't know if it's gender or no gender or whatever. but it's a little part of you inside. And we gave it compassion, curiosity, connection. What do children who are distressed need? Compassion. When you say good parents, right. That's right. They need compassion, curiosity, and connection.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
They need good parents to co-regulate with them. So self is compassion. Self is connection. Self is that curiosity. So these self-like qualities offering them to this part allowed the part to settle. And in that moment of settling where you had a nice little cathartic release, you had some breath, you had compassion, you had connection emerge, clarity emerged, self-energy emerged, Tala, okay?
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
The bottom line here, babe, is rinse and repeat. Every time you have enough awareness of that part, so the next time you notice, oh shit, the controller is here. I want you to challenge yourself to say, guys, I'm going to step away for a second, okay? And then I'm going to give you my app because in the app, I can take you through this like a meditation.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
You don't have to do it yourself, but you could also do it with the book. And I want you to take yourself, I'll let me take you through the four steps or take yourself through the four steps. And then, Access a little self through the forest and then return to the team. That will change your career.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
It was all about how much I could push and how hard I could go to get to the levels of success that I was seeking. And really what I was looking for was that feeling of that spiritual connection, but looking for it in all the wrong places. So looking for a feeling of self-worth, looking for a feeling of connection inside, looking for genuine, genuine value. but in an external world.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Very contagious. Very. Yeah. You know, one of the things that I do with my team is I speak for my parts rather than as my parts as often as possible. So the other day I was like stepping on somebody's toes on a call and the next day I was like, Notice a part of me that was like a little controlling, stepping on your toes a bit.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
I just wanted to speak for that because I think that there's a part of me that still doesn't totally trust this new relationship with the paid team or whatever it was, you know what I mean? And speaking for the part, right? And then what that does for them is it lets them start to use the language as well. And it allows me to, I have some team members where we'll speak for our parts, right?
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
So they'll be like, oh, part of me got really triggered here. But more importantly, the more self-energy I show up with, the less activated their parts get and the more self they have. So it's not even like we have to deal with, because remember, we are the energy that they're regulating with. It's just the dynamic. There's nothing, there's no way around it, right?
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And so when we show up in self, we give them permission to be in self, right? And if they're not in self, our self-energy can hold that and realize, okay, I'm not responsible for you, but I can... acknowledge you and have compassion towards you and have clarity to tell you, you know, here's what we can do next, right? So it's called self-led leadership. And I'm super passionate about this.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
I really want to teach as many entrepreneurs this style of living, but also the style of working, because I think that so many entrepreneurs are doing good in the world. A lot of your podcasters that work with you and just a lot of what you're doing is really good people doing good work. And do we all need that access to self?
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Yeah, so in IFS, there's different levels of protectors. I explain it in the book, but I don't go too heavily into it because these more extreme parts, like the firefighters, which is often the addicts, right? The suicidal ideation, the dissociation, the addict.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
That's a part that I would say you really want to work with in therapy or in a 12-step program or in a recovery center or things like this. But for the sake of your own self-help work, Connect to what it's called managers, right? The protector parts of yourself that are sort of the day-to-day, always on kind of first responders. The controller in your case, or for me, the controller as well.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
The first responders, right? So maybe you have a first responder that's like the people pleaser or the first responder that's like numbs out on YouTube or the protection mechanisms that you have that are the ones that are around on a day-to-day basis. And that advice I think is very, very cautious because it's not saying, oh, you're a drug addict, go start checking in with your drug addict part.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
It just might feel that that part is too stuck in shame or too hard to access. And so I would say really doing that work with the therapist would be a better next step. So the managers are who we check in with, and the managers are the protection mechanisms that are the parts of us that are on high alert all day long, the ones that are just on repeat throughout the day.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And so I'm sure you've had this conversation with many entrepreneurs of when they're searching, searching, searching, and doing a lot of muscling and forcing, it often leads to not only burnout, but in my case, addiction. And so that outside search became...
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
I'm going to sound a little bit like a broken record, but when you start to access more self inside, once again, remember, you have more clarity. And so as you start to heal the burdened parts of yourself and you start to access more of that self energy, you are just more clear about what you need. And I can speak for this very authentically because I'm living it right now.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
So now with that total newfound clarity of what I need, I have very clear boundaries. I can write reviews. I'm writing reviews for my team right now. And I can be very specific in the incidences where that thing that happened isn't actually what I want, right? Or what's going to fly for me. It's like, you know, somebody doesn't get back to somebody quickly.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
It's like, this may sound like a strange boundary, but it's like, You know, I have a hard line in the sand that's really important for me that we return emails within 24 hours to people that are outside the business because I want to be respectful, right? So unless you have a really big reason, like, let's make sure that's a clear boundary, right?
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
It's like, but I can say that not being an asshole. And so when you have that clarity and you have that confidence and you have that courage, boundaries become effortless. They become almost like second nature. It's almost strange if you wouldn't be creating boundaries because you just have so much clarity that we wouldn't override it. And so it's not like it becomes more effortless.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
so extreme that now it wasn't just about workaholism or trying to be seen or trying to force myself into the best rooms or the best locations, but it started to turn into using drugs and alcohol to start to kind of numb that void inside. And by the time I was 25, I had a serious cocaine addiction and and was my own boss, right?
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And so it's going to sound like a broken record, but keep coming back to these steps to keep connecting to self. And the more self you're in, the easier it is to create those boundaries. Like if you have a boundary you want to create with a person in your life, go do the four-step check-in, get back into self, then go and say what you need.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Don't say what you need. Don't create a boundary from a part, from a protection mechanism.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
You got to get clear. You got to get confident. You got to get courage. You got to get out of the trigger.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
You know, I'm kind of the wrong person to ask about perfectionism because I think one of my greatest virtues, even in my most difficult moments in my life is just my ability to be like, fuck it, let's go. And in some ways, I've almost had to become more methodical and more pristine about things as I've trained myself to be.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
But I think that perfectionism, just like control, just like workaholism, all of it is just another form of protection. If it's not perfect, and I see this particularly right now, even in like my young child, for instance, it's like, if he's not perfect at it, he won't do it. Why? Because he's so afraid of the feeling of not being Good enough, right? Not doing it perfectly, being inadequate.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
So these are young, young parts that were established at a very, very young age. And so we need to be very gentle with them. And so the broken record, do the four-step check-in with the perfectionist. You know, I'm just going to sound like a broken record. But recognizing first also that that perfectionist is very young. If you ask your perfectionist partner, how long have you been around?
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
It's going to be like forever. And why is it there? You know, because at some point in time, you realize if I'm not perfect, I'm not good enough, or I'm not perfect, I'm inadequate, or if I'm not perfect, I'm not safe.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Let's just do it with the listener, okay? So let's do it with the listener right now. Take a moment to think about any pattern, thought, or behavior that's on repeat in your life that's pretty up for you. And we gave some examples, like maybe you get into control mode or rage mode, or maybe you're a perfectionist, or maybe you check out and you numb out. Maybe you just use you to avoid.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
The beliefs or the feelings or the behaviors that are sort of undesirable and on repeat. It could also be something like anxiety. I was going to say anxiety. Or it could be a belief, like I can't get to the next level or whatever. Just think about that undesirable thing that's just kind of up for you all the time that you just can't kick. And we're going to check in with it instead of check out.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
So the first step is to choose to check in. So choose to focus your attention inward. If it feels safe for you in this moment, if not, just listen. But if it feels safe for you in this moment, choose to check inside and check in with that part of yourself. The second step is to become curious. And so you're going to ask a few questions. Where does it live in your body?
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Where does this part live in your body? Just notice what you notice. And maybe ask the part, how long has it been around? Just notice what you notice and notice if there's any thoughts or feelings or sensations attached to it. So we've offered it some curiosity. And as soon as you get a few answers and you start to have those answers bud, you're getting connections.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
So I'd been running my PR business for five years and I had a business partner, but I was the one bringing in all the business, so like I ran the shots, right? I could be like, I'm showing up at noon and who gives a shit, right? I'm here when I want to be here.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
That's when you offer the third step, which is compassionate connection. And you offer this part, the question, what do you need? And listen, you know, hello, what you said was beautiful. I need a break. You know, you're like, I need to rest. I need support. And then once you do that, just take a deep breath and breathe into the space where that part lives in your body.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And notice any shifts inside. Notice if you feel a little connection to the part. Notice if you feel more curious about it. Notice if you feel some compassion towards it. Notice any courage or any creative energy moving through you. Just pay attention and notice what you notice inside. And likely you've noticed a little bit of calmness or a little bit of clarity. And that's self.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And those are the four steps. Rinse and repeat. Throughout the book, I give you a lot of different ways to use these steps. I'm going to tell you, this is an absolute game changer for an entrepreneur if you actually apply it. Like if you do one minute a day of checking in with your parts, that will change your career. It will up-level you. You'll manifest way, way more.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
because you're going to be a calmer point of attraction. And then that's when you start to effortlessly manifest.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
My mission hasn't changed. It's just up-leveled. So right now, my mission is to serve as many souls as I can. I've always known I'm one to many. And I am welcoming the support of the universe. I'm welcoming the support of the team. I'm welcoming all the energy within me and around me to create the environment with which I can effortlessly do my good work.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And I remember being at my desk and having an intern and I didn't remember, she'd been working for me for a year and I did not remember her name. That was how bad my brain had fried from the drugs and from the partying. And then I just started getting to a very dark place of just being mean and just, even though my external circumstances were still functioning, right?
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Because my work is healing and it's a reminder to others of the light that is inside of them. And that is what's needed now to combat and to balance the energy of the times that we're living in. And it's very, very clear to me. So here right now, thank you, Rahala, for being part of that, you know, just helping me carry the message, helping me do that in this moment.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Focusing on my inner world and healing myself, feeling safe inside.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
You are the one you've been waiting for. Know that your energy and your sense of connection inside is the secret. That's the secret.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
This is your chance to change your life. You can find me at deargabby.com. My podcast is Dear Gabby at Gabby Bernstein on social. I'm all over the place. You'll find me. You'll find me if it's resonating.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
It was like a very high functioning addiction where I was still making money. I was still having success. My successes were in this really dark place of the nightlife scene. By the grace of God, I got myself sober. So October 2nd of 2005, I recognized that I couldn't go on like that.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And I said a prayer to return to my spiritual roots, and I said, God, universe, whoever is out there, I need a miracle. And in that moment, I heard this inner voice say to me, you can get clean and live a life beyond your wildest dreams. That was the day I got clean. It's been almost 20 years now.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And in that 20 years, I've just gone headfirst into what it means to live a spiritual life and live a life of faith and trust that there is a presence of energetic support within us and around us and use the power of spiritual principles as a guiding force in my career and in my life.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
I'm not nice to people anymore. I remember having an intern. She'd been working for me for a year and I did not remember her name. That was how bad my brain had fried from the drugs and partying. I recognized that I couldn't go on like that. And I said a prayer. In that moment, I heard this inner voice say to me, Around 35, I hit a huge bottom. Then I had a panic attack.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
I remember having this psychic reading about five months before I got sober. And the psychic said to me, you're struggling with drugs and alcohol. And I was like, It's not that bad. And then she said, well, you're going to have two choices in this lifetime. You can stay on the path that you're on and we all really struggle, or you can get sober and make a major impact on the world.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And I had this cassette tape recording. I kid you not, I'm 45 now. So we're really dating 20 years back. I had a cassette tape in my white beat up Toyota Corolla. And I would put that cassette tape into the, you know, when I would be like hungover doing alternate side of the street parking in New York City.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And I would just press rewind and play and rewind and play, just listening to her say that you can get clean and make a major impact on the world. And I heard those words. And I think in my heart, I knew that to be true. And because I had that spiritual foundation as a child, I knew there was more. And even in the midst of my addiction, I had these stacks of self-help books next to my bed.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And I had big dreams and visions of a career, but really a mission, a mission. And I think that that knowing is what allowed me to decide that that was my last moment. That was my last day. I also had hit my bottom. I'd hit enough of a bottom for myself. Thankfully, I wasn't in jail. Thankfully, I wasn't near death. I mean, who knows? You could have gotten there.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
But at this stage in my life, I was at my bottom. And my bottom was I can't remember things. My bottom was I'm not nice to people anymore. My bottom was I can't go a day without using cocaine. And that was enough of a bottom for me to make that decision.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
I always knew. When I was 14, I was the president of the Jewish youth group in my community in It was the regional youth group. So I'd lead like hundreds of kids through these spiritual weekends at the temple. And when I was in my drug and alcohol addiction, I would have these after hours parties and they'd have these books next to my bed, all these spiritual books of Wayne Dyer and Louise Hay.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And I would tell the people that I was doing drugs with, I'd be like, I'm going to be a motivational speaker and a self-help book author. They'd be like, nice fucking try. But I knew, I knew, I knew that this is what I wanted to do. And I've been introduced to all these teachers like Louise Hay and Wayne Dyer, my predecessors, who then became my friends and mentors and publisher.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And that was what I knew I was here to do.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
No, I was not recovered at all. I think the first decade of my career from 25 to 35, you said it about right by that point, maybe I had five or six books at that point. I had been interviewed on Oprah, Next Generation Thought Leader. It was like the benchmarks that I was just going towards and A lot of that happened quite effortlessly because I was in the service of the work I was doing.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And that all was working, right? So the successes were there because I was in the joy and the light of my work. But all the while, I was having extreme anxiety, extreme workaholism, extreme issues around the belief that if I don't do it, nobody else is going to do it. So just doing, doing, doing and trying to control everything and real controller aspects of myself driving my life and
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
major gastro issues, just constantly in physical pain, had the inability to be present. And it was up until I was 36 that this was such an extreme problem for me. I remember around 35 when my husband left his job at JP Morgan to come work with me because he My career was skyrocketing and I needed, he's a lawyer and he was a banker and I needed that foundation, right?
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
My whole left side of my body went numb. It wasn't until about three months after that that I had a dream. And in that dream, I remembered
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
I needed that everyone deserves a Zach if you're an entrepreneur. And so he came to work with me. It was around the same time that we were family planning and trying to have a child. And I just, I hit a huge bottom. where I started saying very regularly, I can't go on like this, I can't go on like this, I can't go on like this.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And then I had a panic attack in a yoga class where I was doing Kundalini yoga and my whole left side of my body went numb. I called the doctor. The doctor's like, well, this could be MS. They just started scaring the shit out of me. And I did all these MRIs. Everything was fine. And she said, you're having panic attacks. You're sending your body into these psychosomatic conditions, right?
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
You're having psychosomatic condition. And it wasn't until about three months after that that I had a dream. And in that dream, I remembered abuse from my childhood. And it was a dissociated memory that I tucked away, that I had shut down. And it made so much sense to me.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
As terrifying as it was to recall this memory and as earth-shattering as it was, it was tremendous relief because I knew now, I said, okay, that's what I'm running from. That's what I've been drinking over. That's what I've been using over. That's what I've been loving over. That's what I've been eating over. That's what I've been starving over. That's what I've been working over.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And recognizing that core wound as the impetus for my addictions. And for the reasons that I was running. And that was a turning point in my life. It was interesting. My big turning points were 25 and then 36, like these decade moments. And in fact, a decade later now, 45, I'm having another turning point. I think it's these decades. I think it takes me about 10 years to get to the up level.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And so I spent the last decade up until this point doing extraordinary trauma recovery. just transformational trauma healing, babe. Like the greatest accomplishment of my fucking life is the work I've done on myself. And to get to a place now where I feel so safe inside and I've unburdened the belief that if I don't do it, nobody else will.
Young and Profiting (YAP) with Hala Taha
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And I really have the ability to lead with more clarity and lead with more confidence and get my needs met by just asking for it. And just being able to be in this foundational energy where an entrepreneur must be in order to grow and excel, which is just unburdened from the younger parts of myself that were so protective for so long.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Well, actually, yes. It was the therapy that I was doing at that time. And I've been doing it now for about a decade, yeah. And it was also what has been probably the greatest therapy in my trauma recovery. It's called internal family systems therapy. Such a great transformation for me that I went on to get the training in it. I'm a practitioner at IFS, even though I'm not a therapist.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
I was one of the last people to get to go through the level one and level two training in this that wasn't a therapist. So I've got this training. I'm very dear friends with the founder, Dr. Richard Schwartz. And in my latest book, my 10th book, Self-Help.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
It is all about how it's democratizing and demystifying and translating this therapy into a self-help practice so that folks that may not ever get to this. By the way, I think the best entrepreneurial book is this book. Like if you're an entrepreneur and you want to up-level your career, read this book.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Yep, and I'm gonna teach it to you from the self-help perspective because I'm gonna make it easier for people to begin to understand.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
So we all have a lot of different aspects of ourselves and maybe there's times in your life where you've said, a part of me feels like if I don't do it, nobody else will or if a part of me feels like I have to control or a part of me gets outraged when my spouse does X, Y, Z or when I don't get that deal at work, I go into this shame part of myself or we have these different aspects of ourselves that we're aware of.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
our workaholic, our, I'm just speaking to the entrepreneur, right? Our achiever, our people pleaser. These are like some of the entrepreneurial parts, right? Our controller. And these parts of ourselves are actually very young. Do you have any of those parts, Hala? Oh, yeah.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
So how long has your controller been around?
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
We're here today to learn to befriend that part of us. So in IFS, really what happens is IFS is talking about the inner family of parts of us inside. So it's like we're this multiple little people inside of us, like little children, inner children inside. And why are they there? They're protection mechanisms. These parts of us are protection.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Your controller, your people pleaser, they're all protection mechanisms called protector parts. Who are these protectors protecting? Very, very young, exiled parts of ourselves. So for me, it was the little girl who felt like her parents weren't caring for her and she felt totally alone and she felt like if I don't do it, nobody else is going to do it. So at a real young age, she learned that.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
I got to be in control to feel safe. If I'm not in control, I will die. Literally, that was the inner dialogue. Or the people pleaser might be like, well, I have to make sure everybody else is okay so that I'm still loved. These are young moments in time where we experience trauma.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Big T or small T trauma could be something extreme like mine with abuse or could be something less extreme like being bullied on the playground. Or in the case of my son, my son is neurodivergent. We just got this diagnosis and he's really struggling with his learning. And this is a big moment for him.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And if we don't step in as the adult figures, which we are, to get him the support and to see him and to hear him, most kids don't have that, right? Their parents are like, oh, good luck with that or get over it or whatever. then it becomes a part of them that they run from for the rest of their life.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Hala, so good to be with you. Thank you for having me.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And so we've been running, all of us have been running for our lives, protecting ourselves from these impermissible experiences from our childhood. And so the goal of IFS and particularly self-help is to befriend these younger parts of ourselves and to help these protection mechanisms feel calmer.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And remember I was saying earlier, like now I can lead my team from a place that's less controlling, from a place that's clear, from a place that's courageous and confident and calm. So what I am now is a self-led leader. This is what's called self in IFS. Self is an energy inside of us. Self is the presence of that calmness in us.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
The courage that we have, compassion we have, the confidence, the clarity, these C qualities, the creativity. So Hala, when you're designing your next podcast and you're just like in it and you're super and time is flying and you're not thinking and just stuff is super creative, that's self, right?
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
When I'm clear with my team, hey guys, this is what I need and I would love for you to help me get there. That's self, right? When I'm controlling, you know, for many years I ran my business like my 10-year-old part, right? Little girl. I remember my therapist being like, don't you think it would be helpful if you didn't run your business like your 10-year-old?
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And I was like, mm-hmm, yes, yes, I do. So what I want people to understand is that these parts run the show, particularly in entrepreneurs and folks that are running a business, because you've got pressure. You've got a lot of triggers throughout the day. You've got a lot of people that rely on you. You've got people that you have to deal with. Entrepreneurship is very people-y, okay?
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Unless you're just doing some code in the corner and you're not going to grow a team, but that's not... You're just working with robots, but we're not there exactly yet, right? People need people. And that can create a lot of triggers. And so our work as entrepreneurs often is a breeding ground for protection mechanisms to get really out of control.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And there's probably times at work when people are like, I don't know what came over me, or a lot of my entrepreneurial friends, they all have a similar quality of the control of or the workaholism, or the drive. And to your point, these parts of us have very valuable roles, right? My controller wrote 10 books in 14 years and has served a lot of souls.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
But she also, for most of those years, did it at her own expense, right? Did it without joy, did it with glimmers of joy, but not freedom, no ease, no calm, no courage, no connection, just a lot of running, running, running. And the beautiful thing is if we really want success in our career, we have to tend to the parts of ourselves that are still in those child protection modes.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
It's nice, too, to have friends, entrepreneurial friends that you can track with. Two of my really dear friends are my brothers, Jay Shetty and Lewis Howes. And Lewis in particular, you know, I would talk with them for years because they've seen me in these sort of iterations of being in my parts. I remember like a 15 years ago or 12 years ago, I was with Luis and his partner, Matt.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And I was like, you guys, I'm like freaking out. Like, I just can't build a team. And I'm just like, you know, losing my shit. And I just don't know what to do. And then a decade later, we were at Luis's wedding in Mexico. And he's just like, girl, you're chill right now. You're still right now. You're in such a good presence. And remember when, you know, remember when.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And so it's really nice to revisit our younger selves when we've done this work and to be able to be like, oh, the work works. I am a living testament to it. I've had some successes in my career, but I don't even think I've even scratched the surface.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
It already is. So being a more self-led leader rather than leading from a child place and having befriended these younger parts of myself, which I'll teach people how to do today, and really making it my biggest commitment, my number one job. I am now much more trusting, much more clear. Let's start with clarity, okay?
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
So the clarity is something that I really lacked when I was in that controller part, right? Because the controller was like, do more, do more, do more, get this done, da-da-da-da. The clarity has emerged so greatly that I was able to step back and say, whoa, my energy is being focused in the wrong place. Or, you know, I have to tweak the team so that I get the support that I need.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Unburdening the part of myself that believed if I don't do it, nobody else will has now put me into a place where I have so much confidence saying, you got to do the work, guys. This is what I need. Here's the clarity. And here's the courage and the confidence to say, I need it. And if you can't do it, I love you, God bless you, but this ain't going to work, right?
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And so that's a different energy. The clarity also is helping a lot with deciding what to do and what not to do. Because I think that one of the things that held me back so much was trying to do so much. And just a few weeks ago, I called my team. I said, oh, that thing, that book course that we're going to do in May, we're not doing that. scratch it, done, take it off the table.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Let's focus on Australia. Let's focus on our app and let's focus on this one or two things, not that. That was life-changing for me. Calmness is everything, right? So I can show up to my team calls and I can be much more calm because I'm not in that hypervigilant state of trying to force things to happen around me. And then I think that the clarity also begets more clarity. Self begets more self.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
So me being in self, as the leader, as an entrepreneur, we're sort of the mothership energy, right? Mothership, that's a bad word because it's male, female, whatever. But everyone's kind of co-regulating with us. Yes.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And so if we're showing up without clarity, without confidence, just lacking in that creative force and lacking with the direction and just feeling all over the place, we're gonna create more of that. We're gonna manifest more of that in our team. Not calm, right? If we start to feel calm inside, We start to believe and know we're truly taken care of, that we can ask for what we need.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
We can have the courage to speak up. We can have the confidence to lead in the ways that we know we should, the clarity to make the right choices. The team starts to open up to their self-energy. Self begets more self. And so they feel more calm. they are more clear. They can stick to the plan, right? I also put my big girl pants on. I realized I was the one I've been waiting for.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
I kept being like, you know, maybe my CEO husband's going to step up. It's like, no, no, my CEO energy's got to step up, right? Or like, maybe my chief of staff is going to fix all this. No, I'm the one to fix this, right? And so what did I do? You I went in and I went hard into the OKRs.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
I was like, the tagline of OKRs is like, if your team isn't sick of talking about OKRs, then you haven't really even begun talking about OKRs. So they hate it. Every week I'm like, let's go back to the annual OKRs. Let's go back to the quarterly OKRs. It's like, are we on track? Does everybody memorize the OKRs? Do we know what our goals are? Do we know what our key results are?
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Are we tracking people? And realizing that I was the one I've been waiting for allowed me to become my own internal parent, right? My own internal CEO, step up, do the great things that I need to do. And then as a result, do so much less, Hala. Because now I'm getting my needs met. People are able to do the work because I've asked them to. Yeah. Because I've created the plan.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Well, I definitely know that having a spiritual foundation as a child was really crucial for me in my life as the through line of my life. And my mom brought me up visiting ashrams and I was named by the gurus. And it was just a very natural thing for me to meditate, to talk about spirituality, to have a open dialogue about what that meant because it was in my home.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Because I'm not pissed off that no one's reading my mind.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And let me define what self and that's why the book is called Self Help, because when you start to turn inward, you start to tend and give curiosity and compassion and connection through my four step practice. You give this curious inquiry, which we can do together towards these younger parts.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And as you start to offer them that connection, self, the energy of self, that inner teacher, that internal parent, it starts to emerge naturally. Okay? So what happens is, I'm not going to even talk too much about it because you're going to experience it. I want to do it with you. But there's a beautiful quote in the book that's from an IFS practitioner called Stephen Kranz.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And he says that self is like the sun behind the clouds. And When the clouds begin to dissipate, the self-energy of the sun can emerge naturally. So it's already here. The adult resource, undamaged self, the part of us, the essence of who we are, the God within us, the love within us, the creativity, the spirit, the confidence, the courage, it's here.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
We've just built up these protection mechanisms that have been masking it like the clouds. And so this is about calming and connecting and compassionately connecting to these protection mechanisms so that self can emerge naturally.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Wait, let's do it. What part would you like to work with? You mentioned two already, the controller. You mentioned the people pleaser.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
So we're going to do it with Hala. And then if you're listening, you can kind of follow along or you can come back and do it on your own with the book. But here we are. So the first step, Hala, is to choose to check in with the part. And the thing that happens often is when the controller is activated... Let's say somebody didn't do something at work. What activates the controller in your life?
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Somebody does something wrong, the controller gets activated. What happens is often you might, we, I'll just speak for myself, become blended with the controller, and then we double down on the control. We check out. And so the point of the first step is instead of checking out with the controller, we choose to check it. Okay?
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
So knowing that there is a beat that we can take, just a little pattern interrupt, and that's the first step. Choose to turn your attention inward. That's number one. We've already done that because you said, I want to check in with the controller. Okay? Step two is curiosity. So I'm just going to ask you, you can keep your eyes open, closed, whatever feels good for you.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
For a few moments, just notice where that controller energy lives inside of you. Where does it live in your body? My stomach. Is there any shape or color attached to it? Probably red, I guess. Yeah. And if there's any images or thoughts or sensations connected to it, you can just ask it some curiosity questions. What else do you want me to know?
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
But by the time I was in my 20s, I was really looking for my self-worth in all the wrong places. And really, being a young entrepreneur, I started my first company when I was 20, and I was representing nightclubs as a publicist. And that became my new god, really. It was like, let me get past the velvet ropes, say Gabby at the door.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Thank you. Okay. And how long has that part been around? Forever. Yeah. Yeah. Do you feel you have a little connection to it right now?
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Are there any images that come to mind when you think about this part, when you tap into it?
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Yeah.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Anything else that it wants us to know right now? I don't know.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Yeah, this part's been working really hard for a long, long time. Yeah, I understand. Can you connect a little closer to that part right now in this third step and compassionately connect? And just now you have such nice access to it. Can you ask that part? What does it need? What does it need right now? Better support from the team. Anything else? More organization, maybe.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
A vacation. Support, a vacation, a break. Yeah.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Okay. Can you put your hand on your belly where you feel it and just give it some breath right now? So take a really deep belly breath in, Hala, and just extend your diaphragm and then just let it go. Just connecting to this part, just let it know that I see it and that you see it, right? That we're with it right now.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Also that I really, really can have a lot of compassion and understanding because I've been there too. I understand that part a lot. Okay. And now with another deep breath, take one more deep breath. How do you feel right now? Good.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Okay. How does that part feel inside of you?
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
More calm?
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
A little clarity about it?
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Yeah. Are you a little bit more curious about it, maybe? Like, would you like to get to know more about it?
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Okay. Do you have a
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
compassion for it sounds like you did when you got sad a little bit yeah definitely yeah yeah some compassion to it and maybe some confidence to get to know it a little bit more yeah for sure yeah and you felt a lot of connection to it I mean I saw it in your whole physical body oh 100% yeah a lot of self-energy here Hollis so in those four steps instead of checking out and going and overriding yourself and just going into control control control we checked in
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Being a young entrepreneur, I started my first company when I was 20. That became my new God. I think the first decade of my career, maybe I had five or six books at that point. Interviewed on Oprah, Next Generation Thought Leader. It was like sort of benchmarks that I was just going towards. And by the time I was 25, I had a serious cocaine addiction. I can't remember things.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
We gave the part, which is a little girl inside of you or a little person inside girl. I don't know if it's gender or no gender or whatever. but it's a little part of you inside. And we gave it compassion, curiosity, connection. What do children who are distressed need? Compassion. When you say good parents, right. That's right. They need compassion, curiosity, and connection.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
They need good parents to co-regulate with them. So self is compassion. Self is connection. Self is that curiosity. So these self-like qualities offering them to this part allowed the part to settle. And in that moment of settling where you had a nice little cathartic release, you had some breath, you had compassion, you had connection emerge, clarity emerged, self-energy emerged, Tala, okay?
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
The bottom line here, babe, is rinse and repeat. Every time you have enough awareness of that part, so the next time you notice, oh shit, the controller is here. I want you to challenge yourself to say, guys, I'm going to step away for a second, okay? And then I'm going to give you my app because in the app, I can take you through this like a meditation.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
You don't have to do it yourself, but you could also do it with the book. And I want you to take yourself, I'll let me take you through the four steps or take yourself through the four steps. And then, Access a little self through the forest and then return to the team. That will change your career.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
It was all about how much I could push and how hard I could go to get to the levels of success that I was seeking. And really what I was looking for was that feeling of that spiritual connection, but looking for it in all the wrong places. So looking for a feeling of self-worth, looking for a feeling of connection inside, looking for genuine, genuine value. but in an external world.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Very contagious. Very. Yeah. You know, one of the things that I do with my team is I speak for my parts rather than as my parts as often as possible. So the other day I was like stepping on somebody's toes on a call and the next day I was like, Notice a part of me that was like a little controlling, stepping on your toes a bit.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
I just wanted to speak for that because I think that there's a part of me that still doesn't totally trust this new relationship with the paid team or whatever it was, you know what I mean? And speaking for the part, right? And then what that does for them is it lets them start to use the language as well. And it allows me to, I have some team members where we'll speak for our parts, right?
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
So they'll be like, oh, part of me got really triggered here. But more importantly, the more self-energy I show up with, the less activated their parts get and the more self they have. So it's not even like we have to deal with, because remember, we are the energy that they're regulating with. It's just the dynamic. There's nothing, there's no way around it, right?
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And so when we show up in self, we give them permission to be in self, right? And if they're not in self, our self-energy can hold that and realize, okay, I'm not responsible for you, but I can... acknowledge you and have compassion towards you and have clarity to tell you, you know, here's what we can do next, right? So it's called self-led leadership. And I'm super passionate about this.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
I really want to teach as many entrepreneurs this style of living, but also the style of working, because I think that so many entrepreneurs are doing good in the world. A lot of your podcasters that work with you and just a lot of what you're doing is really good people doing good work. And do we all need that access to self?
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Yeah, so in IFS, there's different levels of protectors. I explain it in the book, but I don't go too heavily into it because these more extreme parts, like the firefighters, which is often the addicts, right? The suicidal ideation, the dissociation, the addict.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
That's a part that I would say you really want to work with in therapy or in a 12-step program or in a recovery center or things like this. But for the sake of your own self-help work, Connect to what it's called managers, right? The protector parts of yourself that are sort of the day-to-day, always on kind of first responders. The controller in your case, or for me, the controller as well.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
The first responders, right? So maybe you have a first responder that's like the people pleaser or the first responder that's like numbs out on YouTube or the protection mechanisms that you have that are the ones that are around on a day-to-day basis. And that advice I think is very, very cautious because it's not saying, oh, you're a drug addict, go start checking in with your drug addict part.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
It just might feel that that part is too stuck in shame or too hard to access. And so I would say really doing that work with the therapist would be a better next step. So the managers are who we check in with, and the managers are the protection mechanisms that are the parts of us that are on high alert all day long, the ones that are just on repeat throughout the day.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And so I'm sure you've had this conversation with many entrepreneurs of when they're searching, searching, searching, and doing a lot of muscling and forcing, it often leads to not only burnout, but in my case, addiction. And so that outside search became...
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
I'm going to sound a little bit like a broken record, but when you start to access more self inside, once again, remember, you have more clarity. And so as you start to heal the burdened parts of yourself and you start to access more of that self energy, you are just more clear about what you need. And I can speak for this very authentically because I'm living it right now.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
So now with that total newfound clarity of what I need, I have very clear boundaries. I can write reviews. I'm writing reviews for my team right now. And I can be very specific in the incidences where that thing that happened isn't actually what I want, right? Or what's going to fly for me. It's like, you know, somebody doesn't get back to somebody quickly.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
It's like, this may sound like a strange boundary, but it's like, You know, I have a hard line in the sand that's really important for me that we return emails within 24 hours to people that are outside the business because I want to be respectful, right? So unless you have a really big reason, like, let's make sure that's a clear boundary, right?
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
It's like, but I can say that not being an asshole. And so when you have that clarity and you have that confidence and you have that courage, boundaries become effortless. They become almost like second nature. It's almost strange if you wouldn't be creating boundaries because you just have so much clarity that we wouldn't override it. And so it's not like it becomes more effortless.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
so extreme that now it wasn't just about workaholism or trying to be seen or trying to force myself into the best rooms or the best locations, but it started to turn into using drugs and alcohol to start to kind of numb that void inside. And by the time I was 25, I had a serious cocaine addiction and and was my own boss, right?
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And so it's going to sound like a broken record, but keep coming back to these steps to keep connecting to self. And the more self you're in, the easier it is to create those boundaries. Like if you have a boundary you want to create with a person in your life, go do the four-step check-in, get back into self, then go and say what you need.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Don't say what you need. Don't create a boundary from a part, from a protection mechanism.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
You got to get clear. You got to get confident. You got to get courage. You got to get out of the trigger.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
You know, I'm kind of the wrong person to ask about perfectionism because I think one of my greatest virtues, even in my most difficult moments in my life is just my ability to be like, fuck it, let's go. And in some ways, I've almost had to become more methodical and more pristine about things as I've trained myself to be.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
But I think that perfectionism, just like control, just like workaholism, all of it is just another form of protection. If it's not perfect, and I see this particularly right now, even in like my young child, for instance, it's like, if he's not perfect at it, he won't do it. Why? Because he's so afraid of the feeling of not being Good enough, right? Not doing it perfectly, being inadequate.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
So these are young, young parts that were established at a very, very young age. And so we need to be very gentle with them. And so the broken record, do the four-step check-in with the perfectionist. You know, I'm just going to sound like a broken record. But recognizing first also that that perfectionist is very young. If you ask your perfectionist partner, how long have you been around?
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
It's going to be like forever. And why is it there? You know, because at some point in time, you realize if I'm not perfect, I'm not good enough, or I'm not perfect, I'm inadequate, or if I'm not perfect, I'm not safe.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Let's just do it with the listener, okay? So let's do it with the listener right now. Take a moment to think about any pattern, thought, or behavior that's on repeat in your life that's pretty up for you. And we gave some examples, like maybe you get into control mode or rage mode, or maybe you're a perfectionist, or maybe you check out and you numb out. Maybe you just use you to avoid.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
The beliefs or the feelings or the behaviors that are sort of undesirable and on repeat. It could also be something like anxiety. I was going to say anxiety. Or it could be a belief, like I can't get to the next level or whatever. Just think about that undesirable thing that's just kind of up for you all the time that you just can't kick. And we're going to check in with it instead of check out.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
So the first step is to choose to check in. So choose to focus your attention inward. If it feels safe for you in this moment, if not, just listen. But if it feels safe for you in this moment, choose to check inside and check in with that part of yourself. The second step is to become curious. And so you're going to ask a few questions. Where does it live in your body?
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Where does this part live in your body? Just notice what you notice. And maybe ask the part, how long has it been around? Just notice what you notice and notice if there's any thoughts or feelings or sensations attached to it. So we've offered it some curiosity. And as soon as you get a few answers and you start to have those answers bud, you're getting connections.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
So I'd been running my PR business for five years and I had a business partner, but I was the one bringing in all the business, so like I ran the shots, right? I could be like, I'm showing up at noon and who gives a shit, right? I'm here when I want to be here.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
That's when you offer the third step, which is compassionate connection. And you offer this part, the question, what do you need? And listen, you know, hello, what you said was beautiful. I need a break. You know, you're like, I need to rest. I need support. And then once you do that, just take a deep breath and breathe into the space where that part lives in your body.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And notice any shifts inside. Notice if you feel a little connection to the part. Notice if you feel more curious about it. Notice if you feel some compassion towards it. Notice any courage or any creative energy moving through you. Just pay attention and notice what you notice inside. And likely you've noticed a little bit of calmness or a little bit of clarity. And that's self.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And those are the four steps. Rinse and repeat. Throughout the book, I give you a lot of different ways to use these steps. I'm going to tell you, this is an absolute game changer for an entrepreneur if you actually apply it. Like if you do one minute a day of checking in with your parts, that will change your career. It will up-level you. You'll manifest way, way more.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
because you're going to be a calmer point of attraction. And then that's when you start to effortlessly manifest.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
My mission hasn't changed. It's just up-leveled. So right now, my mission is to serve as many souls as I can. I've always known I'm one to many. And I am welcoming the support of the universe. I'm welcoming the support of the team. I'm welcoming all the energy within me and around me to create the environment with which I can effortlessly do my good work.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And I remember being at my desk and having an intern and I didn't remember, she'd been working for me for a year and I did not remember her name. That was how bad my brain had fried from the drugs and from the partying. And then I just started getting to a very dark place of just being mean and just, even though my external circumstances were still functioning, right?
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Because my work is healing and it's a reminder to others of the light that is inside of them. And that is what's needed now to combat and to balance the energy of the times that we're living in. And it's very, very clear to me. So here right now, thank you, Rahala, for being part of that, you know, just helping me carry the message, helping me do that in this moment.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
Focusing on my inner world and healing myself, feeling safe inside.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
You are the one you've been waiting for. Know that your energy and your sense of connection inside is the secret. That's the secret.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
This is your chance to change your life. You can find me at deargabby.com. My podcast is Dear Gabby at Gabby Bernstein on social. I'm all over the place. You'll find me. You'll find me if it's resonating.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
It was like a very high functioning addiction where I was still making money. I was still having success. My successes were in this really dark place of the nightlife scene. By the grace of God, I got myself sober. So October 2nd of 2005, I recognized that I couldn't go on like that.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And I said a prayer to return to my spiritual roots, and I said, God, universe, whoever is out there, I need a miracle. And in that moment, I heard this inner voice say to me, you can get clean and live a life beyond your wildest dreams. That was the day I got clean. It's been almost 20 years now.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And in that 20 years, I've just gone headfirst into what it means to live a spiritual life and live a life of faith and trust that there is a presence of energetic support within us and around us and use the power of spiritual principles as a guiding force in my career and in my life.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
I'm not nice to people anymore. I remember having an intern. She'd been working for me for a year and I did not remember her name. That was how bad my brain had fried from the drugs and partying. I recognized that I couldn't go on like that. And I said a prayer. In that moment, I heard this inner voice say to me, Around 35, I hit a huge bottom. Then I had a panic attack.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
I remember having this psychic reading about five months before I got sober. And the psychic said to me, you're struggling with drugs and alcohol. And I was like, It's not that bad. And then she said, well, you're going to have two choices in this lifetime. You can stay on the path that you're on and we all really struggle, or you can get sober and make a major impact on the world.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And I had this cassette tape recording. I kid you not, I'm 45 now. So we're really dating 20 years back. I had a cassette tape in my white beat up Toyota Corolla. And I would put that cassette tape into the, you know, when I would be like hungover doing alternate side of the street parking in New York City.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And I would just press rewind and play and rewind and play, just listening to her say that you can get clean and make a major impact on the world. And I heard those words. And I think in my heart, I knew that to be true. And because I had that spiritual foundation as a child, I knew there was more. And even in the midst of my addiction, I had these stacks of self-help books next to my bed.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And I had big dreams and visions of a career, but really a mission, a mission. And I think that that knowing is what allowed me to decide that that was my last moment. That was my last day. I also had hit my bottom. I'd hit enough of a bottom for myself. Thankfully, I wasn't in jail. Thankfully, I wasn't near death. I mean, who knows? You could have gotten there.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
But at this stage in my life, I was at my bottom. And my bottom was I can't remember things. My bottom was I'm not nice to people anymore. My bottom was I can't go a day without using cocaine. And that was enough of a bottom for me to make that decision.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
I always knew. When I was 14, I was the president of the Jewish youth group in my community in It was the regional youth group. So I'd lead like hundreds of kids through these spiritual weekends at the temple. And when I was in my drug and alcohol addiction, I would have these after hours parties and they'd have these books next to my bed, all these spiritual books of Wayne Dyer and Louise Hay.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And I would tell the people that I was doing drugs with, I'd be like, I'm going to be a motivational speaker and a self-help book author. They'd be like, nice fucking try. But I knew, I knew, I knew that this is what I wanted to do. And I've been introduced to all these teachers like Louise Hay and Wayne Dyer, my predecessors, who then became my friends and mentors and publisher.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And that was what I knew I was here to do.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
No, I was not recovered at all. I think the first decade of my career from 25 to 35, you said it about right by that point, maybe I had five or six books at that point. I had been interviewed on Oprah, Next Generation Thought Leader. It was like the benchmarks that I was just going towards and A lot of that happened quite effortlessly because I was in the service of the work I was doing.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And that all was working, right? So the successes were there because I was in the joy and the light of my work. But all the while, I was having extreme anxiety, extreme workaholism, extreme issues around the belief that if I don't do it, nobody else is going to do it. So just doing, doing, doing and trying to control everything and real controller aspects of myself driving my life and
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
major gastro issues, just constantly in physical pain, had the inability to be present. And it was up until I was 36 that this was such an extreme problem for me. I remember around 35 when my husband left his job at JP Morgan to come work with me because he My career was skyrocketing and I needed, he's a lawyer and he was a banker and I needed that foundation, right?
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
My whole left side of my body went numb. It wasn't until about three months after that that I had a dream. And in that dream, I remembered
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
I needed that everyone deserves a Zach if you're an entrepreneur. And so he came to work with me. It was around the same time that we were family planning and trying to have a child. And I just, I hit a huge bottom. where I started saying very regularly, I can't go on like this, I can't go on like this, I can't go on like this.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And then I had a panic attack in a yoga class where I was doing Kundalini yoga and my whole left side of my body went numb. I called the doctor. The doctor's like, well, this could be MS. They just started scaring the shit out of me. And I did all these MRIs. Everything was fine. And she said, you're having panic attacks. You're sending your body into these psychosomatic conditions, right?
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
You're having psychosomatic condition. And it wasn't until about three months after that that I had a dream. And in that dream, I remembered abuse from my childhood. And it was a dissociated memory that I tucked away, that I had shut down. And it made so much sense to me.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
As terrifying as it was to recall this memory and as earth-shattering as it was, it was tremendous relief because I knew now, I said, okay, that's what I'm running from. That's what I've been drinking over. That's what I've been using over. That's what I've been loving over. That's what I've been eating over. That's what I've been starving over. That's what I've been working over.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And recognizing that core wound as the impetus for my addictions. And for the reasons that I was running. And that was a turning point in my life. It was interesting. My big turning points were 25 and then 36, like these decade moments. And in fact, a decade later now, 45, I'm having another turning point. I think it's these decades. I think it takes me about 10 years to get to the up level.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And so I spent the last decade up until this point doing extraordinary trauma recovery. just transformational trauma healing, babe. Like the greatest accomplishment of my fucking life is the work I've done on myself. And to get to a place now where I feel so safe inside and I've unburdened the belief that if I don't do it, nobody else will.
Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Gabby Bernstein: Transform Your Business and Lead with Clarity Through Self-Healing | Mental Health | E352
And I really have the ability to lead with more clarity and lead with more confidence and get my needs met by just asking for it. And just being able to be in this foundational energy where an entrepreneur must be in order to grow and excel, which is just unburdened from the younger parts of myself that were so protective for so long.