Gabby Bernstein
Appearances
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
My journey was I used IFS in my trauma recovery and my sober recovery. It was a therapeutic practice that I had that my therapist was using with me. And then I went on to get trained in the model because it was just so awesome. It had done such a great gift. It had done such a service to me. And so I became trained in it.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And then it was very clear to me as I was preparing to write this next book that this book had to be about democratizing this therapy because not everyone's going to have the access to therapy or the desire to go that fast and that deep or the commitment to it or the time or whatever their story might be.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And so my job as the translator and the demystifier was to take this very big, very important body of work and make it self-help. And so here we are. It is a four-step practice that addresses these young wounds within us. So you know this. You've spoken to this in your own words. We have these experiences from our childhood that are too extreme for the child part of who we are to actually manage.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Our brain can't handle it. We don't have the ability. We have no idea how to manage these extreme emotions. Yeah. without a proper caregiver to help us move through that naturally, we become burdened by it. And it becomes a belief that's so scary to face and the beliefs and the feelings and the trauma and the shame and the inadequacy becomes too scary to actually ever touch.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And so we just shut it down. And the way that we shut it down is with all these different protection mechanisms. So, you know, even as a little kid, right?
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Like maybe, you know, it's like bullying so that you don't have to feel like you're not good enough or starting to judge other people so you don't have to feel inadequate or perfectionism so you can feel like you're being seen or overdoing it so that you can have that attention that you desire and long for. And these become these protection mechanisms that we use from... childhood to the present.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Okay. So those little parts of us, like my controller part or my rageful part, these parts of me have been around for four, you know, 45, you know, 40 years. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Because I've, I've lived the experience of these, these repeated behaviors. Right. So that's, what's called protector parts is the repeated behavior.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And at the time I was running a business here in New York City where I was representing nightclubs and really in the scene and really thinking that that was what life was about, right? Yeah. seen having president on my business card, getting past the velvet ropes, like just the bullshit. I was also 25, 20 years old.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
extreme behavior that we act out with on a day-to-day basis to protect ourselves from the impermissible feelings from our past.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
So the four steps are about letting this energy of what's called self with a capital S. And so some folks might think of self as their God within them or their Buddha nature or their spiritual essence or their inner guidance system or intuition.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And in IFS, self is these C qualities of curiosity and connection and compassion and courage and commitment and knowing that you are just in that essence of love. And that is an essence that we all have.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
It's what we're born with. It's who we are. It is our true nature. And the practice here is about helping these younger patterns, these protector parts, remember that self is there and make that connection.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
So the first step is to maybe identify that there's a part that you have that maybe like, have you ever said like, oh, a part of me gets really freaked out when so-and-so does X, Y, Z or whatever. Right. You know, or a part of me gets really controlling at work or whatever the story might be. And for those of us who are trauma survivors, you know, we have a lot of parts.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And so they're protecting us and becoming aware of that or just becoming aware that maybe you have a feeling or a sensation that is undesirable in your life.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And so when you notice that trigger and you notice that you want to respond to that trigger by acting out or lashing out or whatever it might be, the first step is to choose to check inward, to check in rather than check out.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Right.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
It would look like raging or drinking or binging or whatever it is. Yep. And so choosing to check in is the operative word choice, right? It has to be our choice to do the work. Yeah. So choosing to check in. And then when you do that, you just focus your attention inward. And you just notice inside what, and do this with yourself right now as I talk to you. You don't have to say anything.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Just think about a part that's pretty active. You know, there's stuff that's going on. Yeah. And so just think about that part that might be up right now and just choose to check in if you feel called. Mm-hmm. And just become a little curious about that part of you. So where does it live in your body? And you don't have to respond just for yourself. Where does it live in your body?
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And what does it feel like? And what do you know about it? You can say to the part, you know, how old are you? How long have you been around? Oh, wow. Yeah. And also just getting a little bit more curious, you can, you know, say, show me any images or some kind of story or thoughts that might be associated with the part. You could ask it to speak to you.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Yeah. And then the third, once you feel a little bit connected to that part, which I even noticed that you got that connection, you can connect even further by saying to the part, compassionately connect and ask that part of you, what do you need? Yeah. And then you'll hear often the part where we'll say, I need a hug or I need to rest or I need to dance or I need to play or I need to be seen.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
That is important at that time, I suppose. But for me, it was a blessing that I hit such a hard bottom so fast because my drug of choice was cocaine. So using cocaine will take you down. And thank God I was using it then and not now. I mean, I would have been dead. Definitely would have been dead. Yeah. So that drug took me down.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
It's taking care of that inner child. You're giving it the attention that it always wanted.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And then the last step is really just a nice step. You can just check for those C qualities of self. Like, do you feel a little bit more calm?
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Do you feel courageous? Do you feel more connected? Yeah. Do you feel curiosity?
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
That's right. Yeah. So those little inner children, that's the language you want to use. That's totally the same thing. Those little inner children are very blended with who we are as adults. And when we get triggered, we become them. Right. We can, you know, if you've ever like had a fight with a spouse or you just like lose your shit. Right. And you just really was that. Yeah.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
You've already said to yourself, like, whoa, who was that? Yeah. That's a part. Yeah. I've been there.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
I can say right here, right now, 45 years old, I am not fully healed, but I feel fucking awesome. I love that. And I have devoted my life to undoing the fears of my past so that I could live in the light and the love of who I am.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And in the devotion of myself. And then, of course, in the devotion of my readers. And if you asked me if I was sitting here two years ago, I wouldn't be saying the same thing I'm saying right now. Even a year ago, I wouldn't be saying the same thing I'm saying right now. I'm a constant evolving transformation. But right now, I am actually really living in the miracle. Okay, you're my goal.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
This is going to sound like a broken record, but I would check in with the part of me that's affected.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
So I would do that exact four-step process where I'd be like, okay, what part of me, I noticed that I'm super affected by this comment or whatever it might be. I'm going to choose to check in. And then I would get curious, like, what do you want me to know? How long have you been around? Any images? The same thing. And then I'd say, what do you need? And then I'd notice the shift because
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
The activated parts of us, the things that get activated are usually because of a childhood wound, right?
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
I might not give a shit about somebody talking shit about me in social media, but maybe you would, or I'm doing that, not us, but like, or like I might lose my mind if somebody like says that they're not going to like do the thing I want them to do, but maybe that would blow off your shoulders. You know what I mean?
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And I, even when I was using, always had stacks of self-help books next to my bed. And I would always be reading spiritual texts and really wanted another way of perceiving the world. But obviously that was the opposite of where I was. And I remember I was at this after hours party right before I got clean. And there's people in my apartment. I was like in this like one room studio apartment.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
So we all have these core wounds that we, when activated, we go into the part would become blended with that part.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
The triggers are the sign we need to check in. Yeah.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
It was like so dingy. Trash was outside the window. It was awful. And I was looking at these people and I'm like, I'm going to be a motivational speaker and a self-help book author. And they were like, nice fucking try. And...
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Well, we're all energy. Yeah. And the beliefs that we carry inform our feelings. And our feelings are the energy that we extend. And so if we're on that repeated path of that hamster wheel of the same belief of I'm not good enough or I'm inadequate or no one's going to help me or I'm never going to have the love I want, we're repeating it and repeating and repeating it.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Ultimately, we're feeling it. And that feeling is the vibe. And those vibes speak louder than our words.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Because you could meet somebody like we just dropped in you and I today.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
i i realized that because i would look at those books i knew that there was something more for me i knew it i felt it psychically i just i had a call and by the grace of god i made the decision we talked about this earlier it's you know getting sober is about making a decision to choose a different path and on october 2nd of 2005 i asked for a miracle i was like i need a miracle
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
It was like we just met each other. We dropped right in because both of us were just sort of, you know, excited to meet each other. We were very disarmed. You know, if if I had come in with like an agenda or I was like having a bad moment from earlier today, like that would have affected that connection that we made when we walked in. Yeah. And so that's the vibe.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
It's not just having positive thoughts. The positive thoughts are a step. Affirming how you want to feel is a step. Yeah. But I'll keep coming back to it. I think that, like I said earlier, the real flex is just getting to the inner healing. But that's a small step each day. It's not a huge rip off the bandaid.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And so if your vibe is off, you could maybe do one small thing today to adjust that vibe. So it could be that you listen to one of your podcasts because it lifts you up or not, you know, or someone listened to you. Yeah. Or it could be that you read a passage from a book or Open May Cause Miracles to one of the days in that 40-day practice, right?
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
These little adjustments absolutely shift our energy, shift our thoughts, and then we start to add up the miracles. Yeah, okay. Add up the miracles.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Appreciation for what you do have because that ultimately creates more of what you want.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Yeah, I mean, judgment, attack thoughts, jealousy, comparison. But again, we don't want to put down those aspects of ourself either because those aspects of ourself, once again, have a lot to reveal to us. Right, right. So when you judge yourself for judging, you create more judgment. Right. It's just a cycle. Right.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
So instead, you could maybe sort of get into a story of like, well, I'm noticing that I'm judging. Mm-hmm. I'll check in with the part of me that's judgmental. And then what do I know about it? And it's like, oh, well, this doesn't feel good. Or this reminds me of when I was in high school and somebody else got the thing I wanted. And, you know, so you start to unpack it for yourself.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Yeah.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Well, I would say first and foremost, recognizing the thoughts and beliefs that are misaligned with what it is that you want to attract, right? Because if you're like, I want to attract love, but all day long you're thinking like I'm unworthy of love or no one's ever going to love me, then, you know, you're in the way. Yeah. You're in the way.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Notice if you're manic manifesting also, like a lot of people are like, I'm doing all the things. I'm doing the vision boards and I'm listening to the podcast. I'm doing the meditations and blah, blah, blah. And they're just like kind of just crazy energy. That's not going to manifest.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Yeah. I think that one of the secrets to manifesting is surrender.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And in my book, Super Attractor, there is, well, actually, I think it was in The Universe Has Your Back. There's a chapter that's when you think you've surrendered, surrender more. Oh, okay. Because the secret really is to forget what you think you need. Yeah. And really just open your heart to what is of the highest good. Okay. Because when you're so focused on, I need it this way.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
I got to make this happen.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
You don't.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And then I heard an inner voice say to me, get clean and you will live a life beyond your wildest dreams. Wow. And that's the path I chose.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Yeah, you would have a vision. You'd have clarity. You would align with what the joy that that job would bring you. You could hold visions of that job and seeing yourself in it and let the energy. Feeling it. Yeah, because the feeling, again, is what manifests. So let the energy get excited. Be in joy.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
The other thing I would say is if you're trying to manifest a job, make sure you're having fun in your current job. Or if you're unemployed, make sure you're doing things that bring you joy in the realm of the work that you want to do.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Exactly.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Yes, exactly.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
If you're not having fun using that app, shut that shit down. Got it. Got it. OK, have have a great enjoy being with your friends, because when you're having fun, that's the sexiest energy. Yeah. Right. Like the happy girl, the fun girl is the sexiest energy in the room.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And so just have fun.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Well, my best advice is I've got so much advice, Scott. Well, yeah, you do. Well, it's New Year's Eve and tomorrow is my manifesting challenge. It starts tomorrow. It's a 21 day manifesting challenge.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
It's like this. It's this perennial event that I do and people lose their shit.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
do it okay so what do you do i'm gonna get you in it right now okay okay so it's 21 days it's 21 days and i'm guiding you each day in a very simple manifesting practice that you get it you download my app and it's all in the app and it gives you a daily practice every single day it's an audible practice they and it works like i put 150 000 people through this challenge oh wow yeah
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And I've gotten, people have come to me saying that they've got pregnant. They've found their marriage. Like people will send me pictures of themselves at their weddings. Last week, I got an email, something in the mail, not an email, a letter in the mail with a wedding invitation to someone's wedding who actually got engaged because of the challenge.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
New jobs. It's the cool, one of the coolest things I do every single year. Okay, I'm doing it. Yeah. And if you're listening, they can go to deargabby.com forward slash manifesting challenge. Perfect. Okay. Yeah.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
So I don't do any one-on-one, but having the Gabby Coaching Membership app, it's like having me in your pocket as your coach. And when, you know, actually, Rhi, give me the app. Give me my phone for one second, if you don't mind. I'll pull a card for you. Oh, okay. Like there's like card pulls. You can do card readings.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
You open the app. OK, so you're right here and you open the Gabby app and pull. Oh, I'm going to get you back to center. OK, so you'd open. You'd have like two minute daily practices and you'd have your challenge in there. But pull a card. OK, so you just swipe it and then tap it.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
no matter what you're facing, and that was just one of many bottoms to come. There was definitely difficult moments, as we all experience. Of course. Difficult moments in my life. And in each of those moments that I see as these opportunities to transcend or an opportunity to detour in the right direction, I would say to anyone, all you need to change is the slightest willingness to change.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
That is really, really, really good.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And you're doing it actually right now. I know. This is so cool. You're doing that right now.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
I'll read this for you. So communicate with ease and grace. People are willing to embrace what I have to say. I think this is also coming to just also this. You can use this here in this moment when you're communicating with your community. Yeah. But also, I think just in your personal life as well.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
So recognizing that the clearer you are and the more simple you are in your words and your actions, the more you'll be received. And to witness if there's charged energy behind things and just keep it simple. Keep it clean. Keep it clear. I'm channeling for you now. I love that. Wait. Okay. Yeah. Well, I'll pick another part for you. Let's see. Okay. Yeah. No, I do channel.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
So when I'm in alignment with the love of the universe, peace cannot be disturbed. Okay. This is yours. Okay. I love this for you again. Look how pretty it is. It's so pretty.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
So I'll get you in the app like immediately.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
I'm going to get joined in it. What's nice about this one is that when I'm in alignment with the love of the universe, peace cannot be actually, it cannot be disrupted. And I like this very much for everyone listening because The piece that I was speaking about when you're like, oh, well, does anybody ever get there?
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
I actually was on a podcast earlier today and I was like, you know, the there that we talk about. I was like, I'm at the I'm there there. I'm at the there now. And and I mean that. And it doesn't mean that like shit doesn't go down.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
It doesn't mean that I'm like literally not in like deep perimenopause, like dealing with like fucking hormonal upheavals, which every woman listening, go get your hormone panels checked. Yeah, we'll talk about that later. But it doesn't mean that real shit's not going down, right? It doesn't mean that I don't have so much on my plate or been away from my kid, whatever it might be, right?
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
But it means that I'm staying in that alignment. And in that alignment, peace is natural.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Hold you in the moment.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Going through things.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Yeah. So Instagram's at Gabby Bernstein. The app is the Gabby Coaching Membership. I think people should definitely check out the challenge. And it's like they can they can still get until January 5th, I think. Oh, this is perfect. Perfect. So dear Gabby dot com forward slash manifesting challenge. Amazing.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And if you really want to know the manifesting flex of all flexes, I've never really thought about it that way, but yes, the true manifesting is to do that deep inner work. And so I would recommend self-help for everybody. Amazing.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And it's the folks who don't have that willingness or they are often it's too scary, right? People are saying like, well, I don't want to have to do what it takes to make that healing happen. Yeah. And that's why I really believe that healing should happen slowly.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And we have to give ourselves permission to just slowly titrate into things and come out and then go a little bit closer in and come out and to be very gentle with ourselves, which is really a lot of what I'm teaching today is that process.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
It's such a funny thing that we're talking about May Cause Miracles. So my new book is 10 books in.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
So I'm like, it's almost like babies that you forgot about. You're like, oh, I had a child and was like, I don't remember their name. And it was so impactful in my life. That's just really meaningful to me to hear you say that because I haven't touched into that content in so long. I think at that stage, I think every book I've written, I've written for myself first.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
So I'll write about what I'm living and what I'm experiencing and what I'm needing and knowing. And that book was at a time when I was really new to my, well, deep dive headfirst into my metaphysical beliefs. and really training my mind and reprogramming the way that I chose to perceive the world. And that was what that book is all about. It's, I mean, May Cause Miracles.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
My husband actually gave me the title for that one. And it was really designed to help people go through a 40-day mental reconditioning. As are all my books, really. It's about reprogramming your thoughts and rethinking things so that you can unorganize or undo the belief systems that hold you back.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And as I've gotten older and as I've continued to write, the depth of these books, I think, has gotten even deeper and deeper in that my own personal recovery has gotten deeper and deeper and deeper.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
I think that they could first notice how they feel. OK. Right. So it's like, how's it going? How are you feeling? And usually the answer is I feel anxious or I feel overwhelmed or I feel fearful all the time or people don't actually even tune in to even inquire what's happening on the inside.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And so if you don't have any idea of what the thoughts are, and I think a lot of people do have a good sense of of those repeated thoughts that they keep thinking, you know, like, oh, that I'm not good enough or I'm inadequate or I don't have enough money or we're going to have the relationship that I want. And so those stories, I think that people are mostly familiar with those common stories.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
But if you're not, what is it that you're feeling that's undesirable? Yeah. And what thoughts or sensations might be attached to that feeling? Let's start with the feeling.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
I think that there's a lot of bullshit about manifesting. Okay, right. Right? Okay. So manifesting is the natural state of who we are. We are all what I call super attractors. And we have within us the capacity to create what we believe. We do create what we believe. We manifest what we believe.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And people think, oh, if I do this thing or I repeat this idea, then something magical is going to come to me.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And maybe things will change because you're changing your point of your intention a little bit. But will you be able to keep that thing you attracted? No. Or is it just a game that you're playing with the universe? And that's bullshit. Because the bottom line is, is that we are naturally manifestors. We are naturally super attractors.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And what's happened in our life is that we've built up all these false belief systems based on childhood wounds. You and I are both very vocal about our childhood wounds. that create beliefs and those beliefs we protect against forever. So we do all these kinds of different ways of protecting against these very uncomfortable feelings from our childhood.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
And we're living in that mode of being triggered and protecting ourselves and being triggered and protecting ourselves. And that dance that we're playing day to day is just blocking that natural state, which is that super attractor state, which is the state of joy. It's the state of inspiration. It's the state of creativity. It's the state of connectedness. And that's the truth of who we are.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
We already have it. And everybody thinks, oh, I can go make a vision board. I can go say affirmation a thousand times. And all those things do help because they adjust your attention. But the real work is to address the belief systems that are blocking you from being the super attractor that you are.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
Yeah. Well, my 10th book self-help and it's out today. It is out today. I mean, happy new year.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
This book is all about the unwinding and unburdening the core beliefs that you have carried for a lifetime and the core beliefs that have held you back, that have kept you addicted, that have kept you in the wrong relationships that have kept you in the patterns and behaviors that don't, that don't serve you.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
that make you rageful, that make you wanna binge or whatever the behaviors that are extreme in your life, to befriend those belief systems so that you can heal those patterns. And that's the real manifesting flex.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
I think I've been doing that over and over and over, you know, rinse and repeat. But I believe that my first really big life bottom was when I was 25 and it was 19 years ago where I was really struggling with alcohol and drug addiction.
Let's Be Honest with Kristin Cavallari
How to Manifest Your Best Year in 2025 with Gabby Bernstein
so it talks about ifs right yes and okay so explain what that means so this is a cell so the book's called self-help yeah and it's a self-help four-step practice but it's based on the principles of a model called internal family systems therapy which is not your external family it's like this little family it's as if you have a family of parts of who you are inside it's an inner system of people inside of you and i'm going to simplify this as much as i can this is my my gift
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
welcome to part two of this amazing conversation with gabby bernstein i gotta tell you jamie this is one of my favorite interviews i've ever done i mean that i hope you can really feel it ever this is the work baby this moment right here is your chance to change your life.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
I'd be careful not to do it too soon because we don't want to give purpose to our pain when we still need to experience that pain. Yeah. Oh, talk more about that. When we're in a moment of grieving or we're in an experience of discomfort, we don't want to override that experience. We can be curious about it. We can be compassionate towards ourselves.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
We can do... I mean, it's a perfect segue because it's exactly... It's exactly what I've been talking about in this new era of my teaching, which is really about not overriding our experiences, and whether it's an actual life experience or it's an experience inside, an emotional experience. And so there's a balance between being the victim and moving too quickly into possibility.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And so we want to just stay in sometimes this space that we're in and you can have the inquiry of, okay, what would you have me learn from this? That's a beautiful prayer. What would you have me learn from this? But also I don't want to rush past it. When I got sober early in my recovery, someone said to me, I wish you a slow recovery.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And I love that because it's in the slow steadiness of our recovery that the miracles happen. And slow doesn't mean that we have to be living in this victim mentality. Slow means that we're taking our time to nurture the activated parts of ourselves that have needed our attention for so long. And so when something terrible happens to us as a child or even in adult life, It needs attention.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
It can't be pushed past. And it's in the spiritual space and in the personal development space that people can oftentimes get into this pattern of spiritually bypassing the actual issue.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And it's not that we wouldn't want to lean into the possibility or lean into positivity, but it's exactly correct. You miss the miracle if you try to override the experience.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Well, I think that every moment of titration into the experience and opportunity to heal is an expansion. It is a transcendence.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Because it's not transcendence as it means, okay, I'm in perfect harmony right here, right now. It's about the glimmers of hope and harmony. And as we like I said, the word titrate is an important word, as we titrate into the feelings, or the sensations, or the experience or the parts of us that are activated. And then we do a little adjustments. And then we can come out and just live our lives.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And maybe we want to do a little like, you know, Instagram scrolling or Netflix binging or whatever we need to do. And then we titrate in a little bit more next day. And it's those little moments. Define titrate. So it's about not ripping off the bandaid, but slowly opening the door. So it's a slow pacing of relief, right?
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
You don't want to just like, you know, when you have a pressure cooker, if you just turn that pressure cooker on, it just explodes, right? But if you Let it simmer. Let it simmer. And the titran is sort of like an entering into the feeling and then a release and then entering into the experience and then a release. And so, you know, that's why that's actually why.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
So there's this four step method in self-help. And it's the answer to this question, because it doesn't matter where we are in our life or what we're what's going on in our life, good or bad. Right. there's parts of us that can get really activated. So even when good things happen, we might have a part of us that's like, this is too good to be true, and there's a self-sabotage, right?
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Or if a bad thing is happening, there's a part of us that's like, loves that victim mentality. Or just living normal life, there's parts of us that will just control everything or be obsessing over some kind of obsession because we don't want to feel something else. And so have you ever said, Jamie, that there's a part of me that does X, Y, Z when this happens?
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Do you have an example of that?
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
How can I control something when everything else is out of control? Yeah. Very familiar for most entrepreneurs, right? Is we seek control to feel safe. And so I had a controller part, which I'll just call it a part of me. And that part of me had been around for many, many years, right? And it was trying to keep me safe ultimately, but it was creating a lot of issues, right?
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
So it might've been a little aggressive at work or it might've been a little bit obsessive about things or making things difficult in my marriage. And that controller really ran the show for most of my life. In fact, at one point it was so need to control was so extreme that it turned to drugs to create that control, right? And so that control is actually a protection mechanism.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And who is that control protecting? For me, that control protection mechanism has most of my, throughout my life, the majority of my life, been protecting the little girl who experienced trauma as a child and had nowhere to go with it. And the only way that she could survive was to try to control the experiences and control the life that felt so out of control.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And as a little girl, I did it by freaking out about my pigtails not being straight. And as a teenager, I did it by being completely anxious and trying to make all the plans and know every plan. And as a 20-year-old, I was doing it through cocaine and relationships and just controlling all of the outcomes in my work. And then in my late 20s and 30s, I did it through my work.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And so that controller... isn't a bad part of who I am. It's not a bad quality. It's a protection mechanism. And so throughout this book, I'm helping the reader recognize that these extreme patterns and behaviors that we have, whether it's binging or drugs or alcohol or control or- Busyness. Busyness or rage or checking out with Netflix or dissociation or even things that might be seemingly
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Great, right? Those of us who are really big workers, workaholism is something that's praised in our society, but it's actually a protection mechanism, right? Because if I'm working, I don't have to feel those impermissible feelings. Or if I'm in control, I don't have to feel that things are out of control, or I don't have to feel the fear.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
This is like the best conversation ever. I believe that we all have these guides of great wisdom. So we have human people who left their bodies, like Louise Hay and Wayne Dyer, my grandmother, ancestors, who we once knew in the human form, who have now deceased, and take on a form of guidance. So they become a spiritual guide now in this lifetime. Mm-hmm.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And so there's young exiled parts of us that were traumatized as children, and they were never tended to, and we shut them down. We say, I never want to feel that again. It could also be in adult experiences, like if someone's had violence or if they've lived through a catastrophic event, they exile those feelings. I never want to feel that again.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And so I'm going to, even spiritually bypassing as a protector. And I'm calling it, it's a protection mechanism, but for the sake of the book, I'm calling it a protector part. It's a part of you. And so we have all these parts of us inside that are managing these big feelings, the little children. And so what do we do?
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
We live our lives from trigger to protector, trigger to protector, trigger to protector. I mean, anyone that's walking through life feeling anxiety is anxiety is a protector.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And we also have angelic realm of guides, an angelic realm of guides. And these guides, their pure mission is to help guide our thoughts back to love. So when we have a fear-based thought and we call on a prayer, it's the angels that will come through and help us reorganize our belief systems to be the bridge from fear to love, to bring our thoughts back to God.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
We live our lives from trigger to protector, trigger to protector, trigger to protector. I mean, anyone that's walking through life feeling anxiety is anxiety is a protector. If we're living with if we're living with just, you know, we can't actually manage our feelings or we're enraged or whatever it is. These are protection mechanisms.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
We've already started diving in.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
So on the covers is self-help. And then the subtitle is, this is your chance to change your life.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And I'm going to stand behind that with full body conviction because the four-step practice that I've created in this is based on a therapy that changed my life. And it was my mission. I went and got trained in this therapy called internal family systems therapy. And I got trained by the IFS Institute. And with that training, I knew it was my mission. Literally, God told me.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
to democratize this work, to take it out of the therapist's office and give it to people in everyday life. And maybe they will go on to do IFS therapy, or maybe they'll just use my four-step practice. But it's a four-step self-help practice that's informed by IFS. And really what I started teaching already, and I know it will change their life if they choose to do it. That's it.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And the four-step practice is exactly what I've already begun to share, right? In IFS, we were taught that we have these young children, these little experiences that were so, these extreme experiences to little parts of ourselves, any type of experience that was too big for us to handle, and we exile it. So that's called the exiles.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
There's little people inside that we don't want to feel those feelings ever again. And then we build up the protectors, all the protection mechanisms. We talked about them binging, overworking, controlling, all the stories. And we live our lives and we're just like, why do I have chronic pain? Or why do I have anxiety all the time? Or why am I ruining my marriage?
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Or why am I making everybody at my job hate me? Or maybe we don't even ask the why. We're just sort of like, well, this is who I am and I deserve to be like this. And we're very righteous about these behaviors. Or we are struck in really deep addiction and we just don't know how to get out. And these extreme patterns take over our lives and they become so much part of our identity.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
We think that's who we are. But I'm here to tell everyone that these are just parts of who you are that are working really, really hard to numb impermissible feelings from your past.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And my addiction, she worked hard. That addictive part worked really hard to push it down. The workaholics, she worked really hard. And they're not bad parts of us. They've just been put into extreme roles. And so the work in this four-step practice is to bring self-energy, right? So we talked about earlier that God energy, that spiritual presence.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And self-energy is that inner parent inside of us, the God within us, the love within us, the truth within us, is to connect to these younger parts from that self-energy. And so self, to just simplify it, is just sort of this energy of these C qualities. So calm, courage, creativity, curiosity, connectedness, compassion, and confidence.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
These C qualities that we have when we're in our resourced self. And so the steps are based on these qualities and extending these qualities to these young protection mechanisms inside of us. So let's say you woke up this morning, Jamie, and you were like, I'm in that controller part. Okay, she's trying to get everything done. She's making me a little crazy or, you know, I'm feeling it.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
You could practice it like this. You could say, I'm going to choose to check in. That's step one. I'm going to choose to check in. And that's really important. The choice is important because like any little child, if you try to force them to tell you what's going on, they'll be like, no, mommy, you know? So you have to just make sure like, am I in the mood to do this right now? Okay.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
If you don't believe in it, that's no problem. Whatever is right for you. But the more faith you have, the more you'll hear. And sometimes angels really can't intervene in our life unless we ask. We have to ask. There are instances where people be like, you know, I was in a car accident and I heard, you know, get out the left door and I heard it as a voice inside.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
So choose to check in. And that's when you just get a yes inside, like, okay, I can do this. And you focus your attention inward. The second step is just curiosity. So offering curiosity questions to that feeling, or maybe you call it the controller. Maybe you just have a feeling inside and you just start noticing that experience inside and you start asking it questions.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
So, okay, what images or thoughts or sensations do you want me to see right now? Or how old are you? Or is there a shape that you are? Is there an energy that you are in my body? Or where do I hold this feeling in my body? And why do you ask it questions? You want to become curious instead of overriding this part and just pushing past it and checking out more. You check in.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
This is why it's called the four-step check-in. So the curiosity lets this part of you reveal information. And so it might say to you, how old are you part? And the part where I'd be like, I'm really young. How long have you been around? I've been around forever. And you start to flush out this information.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
It might give you an image and you might see yourself like on the playground when that kid was bullying you, or you just start to, it creates connection, right? Curiosity creates connection. So that extending of curiosity to this younger part of us creates a connection from our resourced self to the part. And then the third step is compassionate connection.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And this is where we would say, what do you need? Asking that part of us, what do you need? And it might say, I need to rest or I need to play or I need to feel seen. I need to dance. Needs to go back into its child role that it was taken out of at such a young age. And then once it feels a little sense of that compassion, I want to do it with you. You'll check and you'll see.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
The fourth step was, do I see those C qualities? And I see in your eyes right now that there's motion coming through right now because I think you were doing the check-in with me.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
When you ask her what she needs, I'm slowing you down a little bit, okay? Because it's easy to go right back into the interviewer. But if we want to work with this girl for one moment, if you asked her, what does she need? What did she say? Or do you know what she said?
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Like that's an angelic guide or a spirit guide. And even if they don't believe it, there can be those moments of intervention when it's not your time. So if there is a moment where there's severe catastrophic event and it's not your time to go, that's when an angel or a guide can come through.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Yeah. Does she feel my presence with her? Does she feel that I'm seeing her right now? Yeah. It's really beautiful. Yeah. How does she feel about that? It feels great.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Yeah. Really locked in. Right. Right. Yeah. Really, really locked in. How else does she feel? Describe it. Kind of joyful right now.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
How does she feel towards you right now?
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Yeah. Yeah. Do you feel any sensations of compassion towards her?
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
This is self-energy. So that compassion and that connection that you're describing, you're describing connection and the safety that you're establishing for her, right? That's that confidence. These are the C qualities of self. And so you're letting her, the little girl, know that self is here. And if she knows that now from this one experience, she now knows that she can check in.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
But most of the time, day to day, you can have that presence like a best friend by your side, or it can be completely shut off, but they're always there. And there's also just the presence of that energetic field that's what is the resonance of the guides and angels. So the way to connect to this energy, to these spirits, is to attune your energy, to be in
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
She can check in all day long. She can check in once a day. She can check in whenever she needs you. Because she knows you're here now.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Let's ask her. How does she feel? Does she feel safer right now?
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Yeah. She feels magnificent. She feels magnificent, right?
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Her magnificence is seen.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
She's free. She's free to be a little girl.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
This is the work, baby. This moment right here is your chance to change your life, Jamie, because you're experiencing right here in this moment that she can know that you are here, that self is here, and that she's not alone, that she's seen, and that she's safe. And now she can just exercise this practice and just build more and more trust in this self energy that you have.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And the more she trusts you, the more she can relax. And the more she relaxes, the less the protectors are on guard all day. The protectors can say, okay, well, no, no, no, we got self. We've got Jamie, got self with a capital S. You always go to self.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And as we start to accept that and know that, whatever we're faced with, whatever trigger comes to us, the desire to go act out or even an hour into doing the extreme behavior, come back to self. There's always a place to turn to now.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
The nice thing is, is the protectors don't have to go anywhere. They just need to take a break.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
They just need to relax because like, you know what your controller mama, like my controller wrote 10 books in 14 years. Like we need her, right. But we just need her to be a little less extreme.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And these protectors can stop being extreme, right? And when they're not in their extreme roles, they can take on their natural role. Okay, so the achiever can be in that natural leader, continuing to achieve, create and serve, right? And the controller can run this big empire that you've been running forever, including your family and your home and your world, right? And do it with ease.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And even the binging, right? Now that it can relax, what can it do now? It can enjoy its food. It can relish in tasting things and can just really enjoy the experience and nourish you. It can nourish you. Mm-hmm. And we transform not because we stop a behavior or force ourselves or judge ourselves or will ourselves into stopping. It's because we befriend these parts of ourselves. We befriend them.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
spiritual conversation like this, or to be grounded in meditative state, or to be in joy with a child, or often when I'm in a therapy session or with someone that's like a healer, I'll see those sparks of light. Or right here with you, just talking about my son, he just gave me that little signal, like I'm here. It's like a little spark of light, kind of like a tinsel coming through the sky.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
We let them know that they're not alone. We remind them that they're safe. And we really show them through this four-step simple inquiry that there's a presence of lots of love and security inside.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Always here to check in with you.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
I'm going to start texting you big one chicken.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Oh, goodness. He's a very dear friend. I mean, that was one of the greatest gifts I've ever received in my life.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Well, I would say, yeah, I think that I would work backwards. Yeah.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Because if you get this, then all the manifesting books and all of the spiritual books will just lock in so much faster for you because we can do all of the manifesting methods and we can have all the spiritual faith in the world and all of that matters and it counts and it gets us closer and closer to consciousness and it gets us closer and closer to
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
to the healing modalities that we need to get to this place of knowing this self inside. But if you can start with self, oh my God, like work backwards, people. I spent 20 years figuring this out for you. So go backwards. Yeah. Go backwards. I mean, at the same time, I really think you read it when you need it.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And so if someone's like something of a book's calling to them or sometimes books will fall off the shelf or maybe you'll buy a book like self-help and it'll sit on your shelf for a year and then a year later you read it. It's like you read it when you need it. And I look, I put the cover as self-help. It's for the willing. It's for the willing.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
That can be an image of an angel. Or you can feel a sensation move through your body. You can see I'm channeling now because my left hand goes numb, right? So I'm a medium also. I'm not sure how much you know about that, but I can channel these angels and guides. And so you don't have to speak about it. I speak for it. You know, sometimes I'll say things.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And so if that's too much for somebody right now, don't push it. Go read The Universe Has Your Back. Go read Super Attractor. It's okay. Whatever feels right. Or read Worthy, whatever they need. Or Spirit Junkie. I love that you keep remembering Spirit Junkie. I love it. Because that's like my big book. And it was my second book.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
The best place is get inside my Gabby Coaching membership app.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
It's an, it's, it's like having me as your coach in your pocket. So I'm going to make sure that it's in your pocket because what we just did, there's, there's actually a whole self-help section. So there's like 11 check-ins that I do with the listeners so they can, they could actually do the check-ins with me.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
But there's hundreds of meditations and daily two minute practices, and you can pull an affirmation cards. You can get hundreds of meditations, workshops. It's, literally like having me as your coach in your pocket all year long. And it's my way of making these principles accessible to people anywhere, anytime. And I'm so proud of it.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
We transform not because we stop a behavior or force ourselves or judge ourselves or will ourselves into stopping. It's because we befriend these parts of ourselves. I'll just wipe my tears off while you're doing that. in the personal development space that people can oftentimes get into this pattern of spiritually bypassing the actual issue.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Like we've been a year in this technology space and it's like a whole new world for me to recognize what's possible. And I, so yeah, so I would just go to deargabby.com forward slash app.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Let's go into the Gabby coaching app. Okay. And you're going to scroll to the right and then tap on a card and or scroll to the left, wherever you want. And I want to see what card you pick.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Yes, ma'am. When I surrender my will to the care of spirit and the universe, I attune my energy with the ever present stream of well-being. And this is exactly what we've been talking about. Hmm. When you're in that presence of self, you're in the stream of well-being. When you're in that presence of self, you're free. And that's the secret to manifesting.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
So we started this conversation with how do I manifest? How do I attract? That work we just did, that four-step process, put you into the stream of well-being, your own words. I feel magical. I feel joyful. I feel free. That is the energy that manifests greatness. So that's the pathway in.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
That's what's happening. That's what's happening. Because the angels and guides will play with technology. Like technology will just like wildly blow your mind when you're in these situations. Light flickering is a very common way that they'll come to you. Very, very common way.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
I've got to tell you, Jamie, this is one of my favorite interviews I've ever done. I mean that. I hope you can really feel it. Ever. Yeah. Your courage to go there and your curiosity, it's all self-energy. And then just sort of the spontaneous experience of having self come through is just everything. I'm so grateful that our friendship has deepened in this last hour and a half.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
No, you can have guides that were maybe a teacher, maybe a figure in your religion, or guides can come in many forms. Yeah, okay. And then you're angels. You can have guides that are... That are just have like symbolic meanings. Yeah.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Okay. And you can't choose them, right? Do they choose you? They choose you. And the deceased family members you can invoke, you can ask them, you can say, but here's the key is always to just invoke this presence with a message like this. I welcome the guidance of the highest truth and compassion.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Because just like a party in the real world, in the physical realm, you're not going to open your door in Montecito and be like, hey, everybody, come on in, right? You'll be like, Oprah, you can come in. And Gabby, you can come in. And you're going to have a guest list, right? Your neighbors, right? Your friends. But you're not going to just open the door and let everybody flood through.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And so it's the same thing with guides. You don't want to just let all kinds of energy into your space. You just say, welcoming the guidance of the highest truth and compassion.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
You would say, thank you, guidance of the highest truth and compassion for entering into my life right now. Or thank you, guidance of the highest truth and compassion for revealing to me what I need to know about whatever it is that we want to know. But the thank you is very important because it's affirming that we know and believe that that guidance is real and that it's present in our life.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And do you do the same for calling on your angels? Thank you, angels. And when you say thank you, guidance of the highest truth and compassion, I think you're calling on your angels, calling on your guides. But sometimes I'll talk directly to the angels. Like at night, my son and I go to sleep and we talk to the angels every single night. He has such faith because I've taught it to him.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And so we will say thank you, angels, for no bad dreams tonight. And he'll go like this. He'll go, huggies for everyone. And he starts literally just going like this. Like he hugs all the angels and he goes like this. He does your little symbol, your little I love you symbol. And he just, thank you for, now every time I see you doing this, I think of my son doing that with his angels.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And he pulls all of his angels in and we talk about the sparks of light and he sees them. And it's just incredible. I mean, it's the truth of who we are and we just turn it off. We just turn it off. What's the difference between guides and angels? Well, I think that guides often can have more of a personal connection to us or a guide can be maybe have a different energy as well.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And same with angels too, but you can feel the energy of the presence. So for instance, when Wayne Dyer comes to me, who's with me quite often, he's my late mentor and friend, Dr. Wayne Dyer. If he comes to me, it's really calm energy. I call on Wayne before I give a talk. because he was just such a masterful speaker. And I'll just call on his energy.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And it just puts me just into the seat of my truth. And anything I say is exactly what it needs to be. Louise Hay comes to me often, usually very rapid energy, kind of like, I got something to tell you. We got to get to work. And I know that she's using me now to carry the message. And so I'm in the devotional commitment to her mission and carrying out her mission in this lifetime.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
You miss the miracle if you try to override the experience. I'm getting so emotional.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And then I have an angel guide called Lily. And I just know her name is Lily because I've always just known it. I can see her in my mind's eye. She's very young and she's like very long blonde hair. And she's very, very angelic looking. And I had a reading many years ago, like 15 years ago with a friend. And she said, who's Lily? It was like a psychic reading. And she goes, who's Lily?
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And I was like, okay, thank you for the confirmation. And now every time I have a different reading with somebody else giving me a reading, they'll always ask me who's Lily. Or they'll say, I hear an L name. It's just confirming that that is my guide.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Yes, exactly.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
I think that all kinds of beautiful archetypes and figures and the presence of spiritual essence can come to us in unique ways. So I think that it's funny that you said that Mary Magdalene was the energy because it was actually one of the examples I was going to give. Because it's like some people can feel like they have a Christ-like nature around them, an energy of Jesus around them.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Or some people might feel like they have an energy of Gandhi around them. But when you were saying it earlier, I was thinking about Mary Magdalene. And so it's just it's not a surprise that that's who you've said. And so it's the guide that's chosen to come to you. And sometimes it's because it's coming in a form that we might resonate with.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
So the images that we might see as an angel or a guide could be in a physical vision in our mind's eye because that's how we can interpret it as maybe this archetypal figure or as a family member or an image of an angelic presence that we can resonate with.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Absolutely. I believe that when we have that relationship, we no longer feel alone. And it's a relationship that I access daily. Let me give you an example. I was... you know, struggling with some of this hormonal stuff recently. And I was, was in a pharmacy kind of like, okay, I got to get on track.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
I'm here to tell everyone that these are just parts of who you are that are working really, really hard to numb impermissible feelings from your past. My addiction, she worked hard. When I got sober early in my recovery, someone said to me, I wish you a slow recovery. And I love that because it's in the slow steadiness of our recovery that the miracles happen.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And a while back, my very dear friend had told me about this doctor in LA and I was like, oh, okay. But I was seeing somebody else at the time who I really trusted and she was amazing. And I just sort of filed that name away. And then I was in the, uh, the pharmacy, like looking for some estrogen kind of supplement or whatever. And I looked at this woman, she looked middle-aged like myself.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And I was like, perimenopause and menopause. And she looked at me and she goes, oh, and she said the name of the center, right? And she's like, this is where I go. And this is the whole makeup and I feel amazing. And immediately I was like, that sounds so familiar. And it was the exact thing that my friend had referred me to several months earlier.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
Fast forward, you know, that day I was like, I'm not going to ignore this sign. My guides have led me to this sign. I spoke up randomly to a woman in a store. She gave back to me the exact referral I had six months ago. I'm not going to ignore it. And last night I had the appointment with her and it was just like, she just opened my eyes to so much more.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And so listen and don't ignore the messages and the synchronicity.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
I do. I believe that when we are in spirit, before we enter the body, that we sit down and we look at a checklist and we say, okay, I'm going to go through this and this and this and this and this because my soul needs to experience all these things so that I can transcend them and learn XYZ lesson in this lifetime.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And so I know for myself that my soul looked at that list and said to my guides, here's what I want to learn. Here's what I want to go through. And it didn't look so easy, but it had a purpose. And the purpose for me was to transcend fear and know what love, living in love and living in light means, to know it. And I've said yes to those difficult moments so that I could be here now.
The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Gabby Bernstein: You Can Heal Your Life! Release Negative Thought Patterns Holding You Back & Become Your Own Inner Healer
And be where I've been along the way, because you can be going through really tough stuff and still do great healing work in the world, even in the midst of some of your darkest moments.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And oftentimes we don't have the parents or caregivers to help us process these extreme disturbances.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Or in the case of you and me, we don't have anyone to tell.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Right. Or we're too afraid to tell.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Or in my case, I dissociated. Didn't even have the memory, right? And so what do we do? We build up protection mechanisms. For me, one of those protection mechanisms was straight up dissociation, like left my body, like dissociated from reality.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
For others, it could be, and this is young, at a young, young age, you know, it could be, okay, this thing happened to you as a child and all of a sudden you go into this extreme protection mechanism of trying to be perfect because you had this shameful experience. So perfection makes you feel safe. Or you give my son, for an example, I have a six-year-old son.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
When he was three years old, he was in a Montessori program. And so it was three to six-year-olds. There was a six-year-old in his class and he was just out of diapers. And that six-year-old was sort of like, you know, who is this three-year-old? I don't want anything to do with him. I mean, it was just kind of bossy to him. And at a very young age, all he learned, like, I got to be the boss.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Because that was so extreme. This kid is bigger. I want to be like him. He hates me. He tells me he hates me. He tells me to leave him alone. It's just kids are mean. But my little boy has this thing of I got to be the boss. So he's got this misguided belief. I need to be a boss. So what does he do? Walks around with his Nerf gun, you know, and he walks around like like with this like his shooter.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
He's like, I'm the boss. You know, this is like little innocent six year old. But he wants to be the boss because he's protecting himself from that feeling from three years old. OK, I watched this whole part develop in a person. So an extreme thing happens, big or small. In the case of Ollie, it was a six-year-old, right? In the case of me, it was something much more extreme.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Hopefully, Holly never has to experience that. But whatever it is, we have extreme experiences and we exile them. We exile them. Those are called exiled parts of us.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
These are the little, young, traumatized children that had nowhere to go, no one to care for them, no one to support them. And we said, I'm going to lock that up. I'm going to send them into the basement. Don't ever talk to that person. See that part of me ever again.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And at three years old, five years old, whatever it is, we start to decide, I'm going to do this to protect myself from feeling this. So Ollie's the perfect example. I got bullied. I'm going to start to be the boss so that I never have to feel that fear again of that bully.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Everyone.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Yeah. And we have and then lots of different protectors and there's two types of protectors. So you're still tracking with me here. I know you are. I just want to make sure that the audience is still tracking with me. I'm going to take this slow. So exiled parts of the young traumatized little children don't want to feel those feelings. So they're too extreme, right, Lewis?
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
It's like, how could a child, you can't understand it. Your brain's not able to process it. Most adult brains don't have the ability to process that. Or most parents would say, you're fine, you're fine. Just get shut down. If you even did bring it to somebody, you'd be shut down, right? Especially with, or in cases of, you know, real extreme trauma, you don't feel safe enough to talk about it.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Shut it down. Then you build up these protection mechanisms, protector parts. And there's two types of protector parts. But in my book, I really just focus on one type. So we'll stay close to that. There's managers and firefighters. And so the managers are who we talk about in the book. Because the firefighters are who I want people to go to therapy to work with. But the managers are...
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
The control-free, you know, for me, I'm just gonna name my managers, you know, like one would be like Knives Out is another one I named. Like if you with me, I'm like Knives Are Out. Like, you know, like, you know. Destroy you, yeah. That's a manager. Vigilance was a manager for me. Just sort of like anxiety was kind of a manager for me. Think about it, anxiety, right?
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
If I'm anxious and I'm, you know, moving, moving, moving so fast, like when you first met me, totally out of my body, hadn't remembered the trauma yet, totally scared. It's been a crime when I think about that time, you know. That anxiety was actually a form of protection.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Because if I'm in an anxious state, I don't have to feel the horror and the fear and terror of that other state. So that's a manager, the parts of us that are with us all day long, managing the big feelings of the exile. Okay.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And then when the managers don't work anymore, like let's say something very big happens in your life, something extreme, and the managing is no longer working, that's when the firefighters come in. The firefighters will do whatever it takes to put out the fire of those impermissible feelings. And that's when you pick up the drugs, pick up the workaholism, pick up the
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Alcohol, the sex, the porn, the binging, the extreme addictive parts of ourselves. And those are the most extreme parts of us are the ones that are working the hardest to keep us safe from those feelings. And then there's good news. You ready for the good news? Yeah. We all have an inner parent inside of us. So those are all the young children inside, right?
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
The exiles, the managers, the firefighters, right? The protectors and the exiles. They're all like running our world, right? Where like one trigger happens, this protector shows up. Another trigger happens, it's like protector to protector. It's like a boxing match all day long. Walking through life.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Exhausting. Why do people have burnout? Why do people have stress? Why do people have chronic pain? Of course, there's a whole chapter in the book called Body Parts. How the body, like physical pain is a protector.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Like if I have back pain, I don't have to feel my childhood wounds. We're going to get into that. The good news is that we all have what Dick Schwartz has coined is self with a capital S. And self is our adult, undamaged, resourced part of who we are. It's the truth of who we are. It's the spirit of who we are. It's the God within us. It is an energy. And self has eight C qualities.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
compassion, calm, connection, creativity, courage, clarity, commitment. I'm missing one. I don't even know. I always miss a C. They're all in there. And connectedness. I think I got to them. We'll find the eight Cs in the book.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
You know, it's so funny. Confidence is the one I always miss, but it's the one that I often feel we're quite connected to. So I won't forget confidence anymore.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
So I'm going to really try to keep this simple. So just think about it like you have an inner parent.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
We all do. And let's just keep it simple. Let's keep it super simple. You know those times in your life when, let's say, Marta came to you and she was really struggling with something, and your heart was filled up with compassion. No matter how extreme the thing that happened to her, you just felt connected to her. You were a calm presence for her. You had deep compassion for her experience.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
You had clarity on how to communicate. You felt like you had the courage to speak up for what was true. And that really just, it wasn't even what you said, but it was that presence alone that helped her. Yes. You know what I'm talking about.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
That's self energy. With a capital S. With a capital S. And the thing is- The adult self. It's your true self.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
It's your essence. There's a really beautiful quote in the book that I share that's about how self is like the sun behind the clouds. And it's there, but the clouds are just in the way. So self has always been there, right? You feel self in Shavasana. You feel self after a long run. You feel self. We're in self right now. This is our creative force, right? We're in the flow.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
We have so much connection. We have so much creativity, right? We have clarity about what we're talking about. This is self energy right here. If you're watching and you're feeling... elevated, excited, calm, soothed, that's because our self-energy is coming through the screen or through the audio. And so we all have it. It's that we have to release the blocks to the presence of it.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
So.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
It's a four-step practice I put in the book.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Yeah. The whole book. So what I've done is I've taken this huge therapy, internal family systems therapy, super in the zeitgeist right now. God bless. It's the most valuable healing modality, particularly for trauma. And it's the kind of thing that I felt only people that were going to find their way to an IFS therapist were going to get this. And I was sitting at a dinner with Dick Schwartz.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
I hosted a dinner for him. Just again, he's the founder of IFS. Started this about 40, 43 years ago, 44 years ago. And I was sitting next to Dick and this was shortly after I'd taken the training and we'd become friends. And I looked at him and we're at a dinner I'm hosting for him. And it's like having Lady Gaga at my house. And I look at him and I'm like, I have to tell you something.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
I'm scared to tell you this, but I want to write a book called Self-Help. Self-Help. And I want to make IFS self-help. And he looked at me, his eyes just like widened. And he was like, I've always wanted somebody to do that. And in the foreword, he says, you know, I've always been looking for that person with the self-help spiritual bona fides and then Gabby's here.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And so that's one of the greatest privileges of my life is to take someone else's body of work and translate it.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
The four-step is not IFS. It's an IFS-informed self-help practice. And that's really important for me to say, Lewis, because if you're going into IFS therapy, you have a therapist with you. You're doing a six-step inquiry, almost like an interview with the parts. It's like an unburdening process. You can work with firefighters and exiles. I am not doing that. I am not a therapist.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
I'm a spiritual self-help author and teacher. I am trained in internal family systems therapy, but I'm not a therapist. So it was really important for me to take this and make it IFS informed.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
So there's four steps.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
IFS-approved, IFS-informed, it's backed with Dick's blessing, and it's the way that you can take this model into your own hands safely. Safely is a really important point.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Because I'm not trying to guide you to those exiled parts. The book is not trying to work with firefighters. That would be, and I say all throughout the book, like if this happens, if you want to, you're with a firefighter, there's an exile, go, here's an IFS therapist registry, go find somebody.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
But I'm trying to help you access these managers, the extreme parts that are with you all the time, day to day. And through a four-step inquiry, let's self-help.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
So you let me know when you're ready for it.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
I feel like I'm just so excited about this. This is my first real interview about this. So it's like very thrilling to me. Questions before I go on.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Exactly.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Okay. So first of all, 100%, that's exactly the answer. This is the four-step process. The other thing is, is how many personal development programs have we sat in where someone's like, oh, you have limiting beliefs and the limiting beliefs are blocking you. Then you're like, how the do I get rid of these limiting beliefs? Right. Like you never leave and you're like, OK, I know the playbook.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Right. For changing. Maybe you have a little tip here or manifesting tool there. And look, you know, I've I've written this my 10th book. So I have nine other books with other practices, which are all work. Right. all are valuable, all have their own purpose, right? Particularly spiritual practices in these other books. And they all are bringing you to self for sure.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
But this is addressing the actual neural redirection in the brain. Because when you practice this four-step method, what's happening is you're rewiring your experience and your relationship to these parts of who you are.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
To the parts.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
You're taking all these little people inside of you that have these belief systems that are holding you back, and you're bringing the internal parent of self to them to help them.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
We don't even have to say like that. It's just parts of us, like parts of who we are.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Oh, well, yeah.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Well, because think about it like this. My controller part, I've done so much work with her. You can gender these parts of you. They have no gender. They could have the opposite gender. Sort of whatever is intuitive for you. My parts are female. So I have that controller part that you knew for so long, or the anxiety part, right?
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Even to think about where we were maybe 10 years ago in these conversations to where I am with you right now. And how much more self-energy you feel in this moment. It's going to make me cry. It means so much to me that you've been there with me.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
14 years.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And when you first met me, I was like parts on fire, right? Like literally on fire. I was a workaholic. Both of us, yeah. Really extreme, really extreme. I was sober, but like workaholism. I was just extreme anxiety. Didn't know that I had trauma, so I was living in hypervigilance. I was so scared all the time. I was so controlling.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
It was just like, I was doing, you can still be going through hard things and do beautiful things in the world.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Yeah. And do good. But you can, but you might be having a lot of struggle, right? And so as a result of this, this model and what I'm going to teach everybody today and living this and developing this and practicing this and every day being, checking in with these parts of me, checking with these parts of me, I've unburdened them.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And so it's not that they go away is that they're not extreme anymore.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
They're no longer wounded. You feel them. They're in their beautifully developed chrysalis. They're new. For instance, the part of me that was a controller, I mean, that part did good things, right? She wrote 10 books in 14 years, right?
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Yes. But now she can be in the flow, right? Like now she can be like... I don't have to force my way to get this thing to there. I'm like, oh, you know what, Lewis? I'm going to be in LA. Does that work? I'll be there. I can show up with an energy. She's on top But she's trusting.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Not forcing anything. She's just relaxed, like in the presence. So it's still like, so it's like a really great quality to have that control part present because she gets things done, but without craziness, right?
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Their blocking self.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
That's correct. Yeah. You're so great at like digesting and bringing it back. Yeah, it's beautiful. That self right there in action, clarity. Clarity is one of those qualities of self. So you have such a good job of listening, thinking, pulling it together and bringing it back.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
It's called the check-in process. Okay, cool.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And I like that because everybody has a few minutes to check in, right, or a few seconds to check in throughout the day. And The simplicity of it being this four steps of checking in with the part makes it such that you can have this relationship to the part rather than why are you doing this? It's why the pain, right?
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
That's like what Gabor Mata always says, like not why the addiction, why the pain? And so by every moment when you notice a trigger, right? Or you have this space in your body to like see, oh, you know, I'm out of alignment right now. In those moments checking in are these moment to moment experiences of presence with bringing self to these parts. So I'll break it down for you.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And how I would do the steps.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Okay. So the protector that's freaking out, right? She's freaking out because something isn't going the way she wants, right? So she's the freaking out protector. I'm actually doing a lot of work with her in therapy right now, so it's nice. And I do IFS therapy, so of course. And she's having a freak out, like, you know, some email isn't good or like the things aren't working as fast.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
It seems not working as fast as possible. Or if she feels like she has a burden belief, right? This freak out girl, her belief is if I don't do it, nobody else will.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And so she is maybe just like, and she has, also has another, and I'm cursing a lot, but just bleep me. Okay. But she has another phrase that she says, it's like, what the is going on here? And when I think about her, I think about, okay, so let me give you the check-in process. So let's say I notice she's coming in, she's showing up. And I'm like, oh, I notice her.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
I have enough awareness to be like, she's here. She needs help. So I need self to help, self help me. I'll say that again. I need self to help, self help me. I, you know, have that awareness. I choose to check in, step one.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
choose to check in make a choice yes because remember parts are like little children so if you try to force something on a little child like if i try to go to ollie and say to him bro what the hell is going on you seem upset let's talk about it he's like no mommy like get away mommy right so he there has to be some buy-in okay so there's some buy-in and i'm going to choose to check in
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
It's both. Okay. So it's the choice is a self like quality, but the part has to make the choice.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Yeah, it has to be my presence of self and his willingness.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Openness, yeah.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Yeah, yeah. You never know. When he gets older. When he's 16, yeah, yeah. When he's 16 years old, he might say things like this. He might say, screw you, mommy. Yeah, yeah. So who makes you think of Cartman? Do you know that I do a really good Cartman? Screw you, man. I'm getting hit. That's good. I'm really good at it. That's good. Choose to check in. So choose to check in.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Detour from compartment. Choose to check in. So you have this awareness that the part's triggered and you're saying, okay, I'm going to choose to check in right now. So step one, that's it. Choose. And if you know that you feel that buy-in, like, okay, the part's ready to go, we can keep going, right?
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Choosing to check in is also just sometimes even having the awareness that you need to check in because that's step one. Step two is curiosity. Become curious. These are all C qualities, remember, right? So it's like acting as if. And so the curiosity is start. So I'm in this place where this manager is up and she's like, what the going on here? I have to do everything. Nobody else will do it.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And so I choose to check in with her and I become curious and I start to notice the feelings and the thoughts and the sensations inside. I start asking her questions like, where do you feel that in your body? And she's like, I'm not breathing. And there's tension in my chest. And I start to say, you know, what kind of thoughts or sensations?
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And her thoughts are like, what the fuck is going on here?
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And I ask her for any images or visions. And she shows me my six-year-old self in my dining room with my pigtails. And I'm screaming. No bumps, no bumps. Because the only way that I could find control in this out of control life that I had was to control the bumps in my pigtails.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Right. And so she's, so this girl that's now this adult that's screaming, what the is going on here is the little girl. I said, this is the vision she showed that she shows me. The little girl screaming, no bumps with the pigtail. So I start having all the, I flash out this information about her. You can see I'm like, I could tear up as I think about her.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And that connection that you, can you feel that connection I'm having with her right now?
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
That connection shows me that there's some self-energy here. Okay. And so as soon as you start to feel some kind of connection to that part, the third step happens. And by the way, you can spend as much time as you want in curiosity. You could just ask more questions. Let the part speak. The parts want to speak. Step three, compassionate connection.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
So I can look at that little girl and I can ask her, little Gabby, what do you need right now? And right away she'll speak back. She'll say, you know, at times she said things like, I need a mom.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Or I need to rest. Or I need to play. I need to scream. I need, you know, they're just speaking for what they need, right? I need to speak up. I need to be heard. And so the little voice gets to speak up and say what they need. And once that response comes through internally, the fourth step is to check for C qualities of self.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
So you scan your inner system and you ask yourself, do I feel any connection? Yes, right now in this moment, I just did the check-in with little Gabby and I feel connected to her. Do I feel compassion? Holy, right now I feel so much compassion for her. Do I feel clarity? Yes. She just showed me. It's a little girl, right? She showed me exactly where she was. I feel clear what she needs.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Do I feel calm? I feel calm, even more calm right now just having done that check-in process out loud with you. Connected. Oh, yes. Courageous. Much more courageous. Clarity, I think I said. Confidence. I got confidence.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Creativity.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Check for C's even if you just have one C quality of self show up. You feel a little bit more calm. You feel a little bit more compassionate. You feel a little more connected. You've done the four steps. You've done the four steps even if you just get to check in, to choose to check in. Just even the decision to check in for two seconds is the check-in process.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
your manager won't have enough of a pause to pivot because the managers we can become blended with the managers which means we believe that we are that right those times in your life when you get so worked up right and you're so that you're like I am the only one that can do this or you know the only way to live life is to fight back and tell everybody else that they're wrong and
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
That's the only way to live. And if anybody challenges that, like that's, they're gone. Right. So we're blended with these parts. Right. So the only way to start this check-in process is to slightly unblend by choosing to check-in.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Yeah, and there's going to be plenty of times when we're so blended that we can't do the check-in until two hours later, two days later, even two months later.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
You sleep. Yeah, you can check in hours later.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Most of the time when people start this work, they're going to find themselves the next day being like, ooh, what happened there? And then just check in, right? But you should start with little... That's why I want to work with managers because this is about a process, right? It's like making it a habit. Do it with the small moments, right? So like...
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Just this morning, you know, like, or yesterday, right? I arrived in L.A. I was, like, kind of overwhelmed by the energy. I didn't love, like, the view out of my hotel room. This sounds like a luxury problem, but, like, the energy is really important for me.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
I'm staring at, like, a Chase bank. I was just like, where? You know, I was like, in this. And then you're like, you know, I want to have a good vibe right now. And so I was seeing that controller come in and she wasn't too bad, but she did ask my assistant to call five other hotels and like, you know, very lovingly asked, you know. And at night, she's like, I don't want to ever come back to LA.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Like she's like, and so instead of like, actually I did fire off an email to my PR team. It was like, cancel an October trip. And then I was like, chill. Okay. So I came back and I rewrote an email. I was like, don't cancel the October trip. And then I checked in with her. Wow. Wow. Okay.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And so she wasn't like that's just like this is a day to day thing that normally we're just acting out in these ways and we don't actually know. Maybe we come out of it because we just got some logic. We never tend to it. And so I was like, oh, what do you need, honey? And so I just checked in with her and I heard her and she's like, I just want to feel like warm and safe.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And I just want to feel like I've got a good energy around me. And what do I need right now? I need to find the right place to land when I get here. And I need to just sort of sort those things out. And I started to feel calmer as I checked for those seed qualities. And so this is where the manifesting comes in. Okay. So she calmed down last night. Okay.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
she slept great that's good she woke up she's like i'm gonna see lewis today she worked out it was like 5 a.m because i'm on east coast i was like let's go work out i was feeling great i sat down here i makeup done was like super chill and i'm like you know i think my makeup artist who you met christina and i was like you know christina i'm like i like had this whole drama yesterday i'm like all i really want is like i
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
high vibe energy, super connected. I want to, I want to find my hotel in LA. I have to be out here all the time. I want to just make it my home, like leave a toothbrush. Like I want that. And then like, I'm coming back in October and I really want to have like a retreat-y vibe for two days because I need to write when I'm here. And it's a weekend when I'm here. I'm like, this is what I want.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And I was like, it'll happen. Like the universe is going to deliver it. I call our mutual friend Jeff Krasnow because I was like... Oh, he's got an amazing voice. Because I got the hint. I was like, you know, she's called Jeff, right? He's got the whole commune. It's like... But I wasn't even calling Jeff. It's a sanctuary. I was calling him about something totally different, okay?
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
I called Jeff and I'm like, hey, what... And then I was like, oh, you know what? As I'm talking to him, I'm like, because he's calling me about getting on the podcast. And I was like, hey, what, bro? I'm like, wait, when I come in LA, you're going to be doing a retreat in Topanga. And I was like... wait a second. I'm like, let me come for two days in Topanga.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Like, is there a place for me to write? And can I like come do yoga with Skylar? And can I like, can you take your class and, and eat food with you guys? And he's like, of course you can. And I was like, and then I was like, wait a second, hold on. So I just found my two days, my little retreat to go write. Right. And then I look at my calendar. I'm like, wait a second. I have a
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
podcast interview in Topanga on Friday. So I'm going to be showing up in Topanga. And then I'm on the phone with Jeff and he's like, you got to call Robin Burz in. She's in LA. Call Burz right now. She's staying at the Soho house. I was like, wait a second. I'm a member at the Soho house. There's a Soho house here? Yeah. And all of a sudden I thought there was no hotel.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
So I'm like, hold on a second. So I call Robin. She's like, get in the hotel. I call the hotel. There'll be one room left. Get in the hotel. I was saving so much money going over to this other hotel that I want to be with, with my, one of my best friends tonight. I find my hotel that I want. I mean, it sounds like a stupid luxury thing, but look how fast the manifesting was.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And then boom, I was in the flow. Here I am. And I've got this whole next trip in October, totally sorted with the trip to Topanga, the hotel that's going to make me feel safe, the community I want to be with, the creative space to do my writing. Now, did a controlling type A person make that happen? No, no. A creative, calm, connected, curious, right? Compassionate. Curiosity.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
We keep forgetting curiosity is self-energy. Curiosity.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
It was just like curious, right? Curiosity said, let me call Krasnow and see if he can do a podcast. And then he asked me about Topanga, right? Hello? Sounds stupid, but my makeup artist was like, that all just fell into place like a domino in 30 minutes. Like that feels really weird to me. I was like, this is how- It was this morning? That was right before I came out. Wow.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
But that whole boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, working out the details, that's how life is meant to be. We're meant to be in the flow and the awe and the synchronicity of self.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
So we wouldn't want to manage the parts of us. We'd want to bring self. We wouldn't let self help them. Right. Just for language purposes. So it's not managing them. Right. Because managers are managing.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Yeah. You can't. That's correct. Managing the managers is like when the firefighters come in or, you know, that's right. That's bad. Yeah. You're really getting it. It's so cool. People might have to listen to this episode twice or read the book, right? Read the book, right? It's all there. So there's no way that you can manifest effortlessly unless you have tended to these protector parts.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Because you might have a lot of things that you can create in your life, but you're upper limiting yourself. You're going to hit ceilings, glass ceilings.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Yeah, because your sheer will can get you some of the way there, you know, whatever. And you may have a little bit of moments where that creative flow comes in, but then you just sort of block it again or, you know. But to live in the flow.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
To say it and it will be. This morning, I would like a retreat center and a home base in LA. And 30 seconds later, clarity and curiosity. Call Jeff. Get curious. Because manifesting isn't about just sitting around. Nothing happens. You're doing. But to be a super attractor and to be a co-creator, you have to dwell in the energy of creativity. You have to be calm. You have to be faithful, right?
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
You have to be connected. You have to be courageous to take the action with that flow energy. You have to be curious about what's possible. You have to be creative, absolutely creative, creative, creative, creative. You cannot be judging yourself. You have to be compassionate toward every part of who you are. And so we are all super attractors. We all have self in us.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
We all have the ability to live with ease no matter what our circumstances might be. But there are absolutely some of us who have far more privilege than others. Let's be real about that, right? Like for those of us that are in Western cultures, those of us who can watch this podcast right now, we have privilege.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And those of us who have that privilege, it is our responsibility to do the self-help work, to clean up our side of the street, to get more flow in our life, because in that flow, we can serve more people.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Period.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Make that the normal.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And he was, yeah.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Because it's an important point. We all have self. We have moments of self, but we live in protectors.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And so the more self-help that we do, in this case, you know, IFS informed self-help that we do, that I'm suggesting, The more our protectors start to become unburdened, the more harmonious we feel inside. And when we start to feel that inner balance and that inner harmony and that inner connection and that inner clarity and calmness, our life just becomes this happy dream.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
It was your parts, right? Can you see now that really burdened parts were attracting that?
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Yes, full chills right now.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
You're defining the dream scenario, which isn't a dream. Let's not call it a dream. The way it's supposed to be, right? We all have the capacity of having. And what it is, is two humans who have done a tremendous amount of self-help work in whatever form that came, that healed and got to a place of core safety inside. And when two safe humans come together, magic can happen.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And you keep doing the self-help work, right? It's not like you're still curious every day. What more can I do? How can I help little Lewis? What can I do? Like the part of you that was actually so successful, but at a six or a four, You were living with self-like qualities, right? So it was almost like you can be... Yeah, it's there. You can feel creativity here.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
You can feel that connection there. It's not as flowing, not as consistent. But it's not in a flow. It's not harmonious, right? But it's still great and it's still there. And that's the way many successful people live. It's like, this thing is all great here, but I still feel like shit inside. You know what I mean? And that's very common.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
But I want to sort of make people feel seen in this conversation right now, which is that We all have exiles. We all have protectors. We all have lived and we'll see them.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
But the more the reality, the bottom line is the promises that the more you tend these young parts of yourself inside and care for them, starting with a book like this and then maybe taking it to therapy and then whatever it is, maybe it's not my books and somebody else's, whatever that is, going deep into the inner healing. The more free you are inside, the more free your life becomes.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
It's the home of greatness.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
The more free-flowing, the more you attract, the more you manifest, and the more steady, stable, and safe you are when big shit happens.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
It's fun. I walked in and I was like, wow, somebody made your home for you.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Oh, it's the best. The intro is so great. We have this whole introduction with the music. Yeah, yeah. It's the best moment.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Oh my God. Oh my God.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
But somebody built your dream home for you. I know.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
That's the whole thing.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Yeah.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Well, that's actually one of the benefits of starting to have more access to self, right? Yeah. Because remember, we all have self. So it's not like you're getting something. You're just creating more access to it. Capital self, right? Yes, self energy, that energy of calm, connection, compassion, curiosity, right?
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
So that calmness that you had there was a result of you having done all this great transformational work on yourself. And so now as this adult resource, beautiful soul, not just like a literal adult, right? Because you are an adult, but like there's just sort of this like new nature.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Correct. You can care for yourself in different ways. You feel less burdened. You're not as extreme or reactive. And so when things that used to burden you happen, you can actually be more calm in those experiences. And that's because you've established a stronger access to self-energy. And we, like I said, we never lose self. We've just blocked it. It's been the sun behind the clouds.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And I want to make sure I quote the right person. I think it was Stephen Krantz. The sun behind the clouds. And we start to release those clouds and the sun starts to shine. And so in that presence of that sun that you live in, that light that you live in now, These annoying situations can happen and you can actually turn them into magic and gold. Yeah.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Give people an extra Q&A, witness yourself in a transformation, use it as a tool, you know.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And I also want to point out, like, you can do all this work and all this work and still freak out, right? So like the other day, we're in your studio and I was sort of in my old, it was in a studio I work in in New York initially, the lighting sucked. And I walked in and like the controller was hardcore. And I love the people that work there. They're so beautiful.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
But I was just like, this lighting's crap. Like, fix this lighting. It's making me look like a skeleton. Like, I don't like this. This is like, I might as well. I was like kind of in that place. I was like, I might as well not even. You're a little girl, right? I might as well not even. Why am I even shooting the video? I should just do the audio. Like, this is bad. We have to fix this.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And then I calmed down. I checked in. Checked in. I went into the back room. I checked in. Came back. I said... Guys, I'm totally freaking out. And I'm still quite serious about the lighting. And it's something I really want to fix. And I'm actually going to move some lights around right now with your permission.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
But, and I'm going to send an email personally and from my producer to the studio because I want to work on the situation. It's a problem, but it's not, you know, but you guys are great. And like, I love you. And I thank you for bearing with me. Thank you for letting me be controlling in that moment and just being so calm in my presence, even whatever.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
So you're going to have, it's your comeback rate, right? I walked in and I was in this attitude of like, what the is going on here? Right? The little girl. Yeah, yeah. Pigtails.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And I checked in, came back new. Yeah. Any moment.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
They become even more connected.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
That's what they call an IFS. Speak for the part, not as the part.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
So you had that experience happen on stage. It wasn't what you wanted. It was a little bit of a show. There was noise in the background. It's not like you're so zen now that you don't give a crap and that you don't say anything or you don't ask your team to do it better. But old Lewis might have been like, as the part, what the guys, what's going on here? How could you let me down like this?
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Why are you doing this? Make everybody leave feeling shame and blamed. Of course, we all have. Adult resource self-connected, self with a capital S connected Lewis can maybe next week, you know, we do a postmortem on the event. And you're like, you know what, guys? I'm going to speak for the part of me that was pretty activated.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
You know, it was like I was on the stage and I was kind of like frustrated and I just want to speak for that because like it's real. And like, I really I really want this team to be the best that we can be. And with no blame or shame or all, I just want to really just highlight this area that things could have been a little bit different.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Maybe you guys, I'm curious, like, do you guys have any ideas of things that we could do differently next time? And, you know, I just want to make sure we connect on that. Even use the C words, right? Like, I'm curious. Can we connect on that? And, you know, do we have any creative ideas or possibilities for how we could do it differently?
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And it's not even about the words. It's the energy, right? If you could say anything to someone, Lewis... As long as you're in self. That's a tricky thing to say, right? It's not like you can't say a racist comment to somebody in self-energy, but you can say far more difficult things in self than you otherwise would ever be able to say.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And if you don't have self and you're saying all the right things, it won't work.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
It's so beautiful what you're describing, Your experience of being in the presence of self. Yeah. And think about, and it's not necessarily for the viewer that everyone's going to be the next Lewis Howes or the next Tony Robbins, right? In this instance, Tony's presence reflected back to you the presence you were ready to step into.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
But that's everyone. That's for everyone. So we can all access our own inner Tony Robbins self, the creativity, the courage, the compassion, the connection, that laser focus that he has is all self-energy. I just saw a spark of light over you, by the way. That's when I see the angels in the room. And so the, okay, so now I'm channeling.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
So that connection, that fluid connection is for every single listener, every single person watching. Because it doesn't matter what you do with it, right? The most important thing you do with it is you bring it to your kids or the children in your life.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
That presence, it doesn't matter if you're Tony Robbins, you're the next president of the United States, or you're an adult figure in a child's life is equally as important. When we access self and we can bring that self-energy to the young people in our world, think about how much
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
how much self-help work we're doing for them right because if a child has presence of self-energy in their life their protectors feel safer they become less burdened adults that's how we change the world that's how we change the world All the political issues that we have, all the wars that we have, that's just protector parts at war with each other. It's all young, wounded children.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
In power.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
It's what Dick Schwartz calls self-led leadership. OK, so and I'm as I access more self, I can lead my team with more self. Right. So so leaders who have that self-energy and I can name a few definitely like Michelle Obama or Barack Obama. I think I don't want to be just so political, but there's an Oprah's self-led leader. Right. Not just even famous people. Right.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Three things you just said, patient, setting the intention and not settling for something that you don't want.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Like the teachers that you were talking about are those coaches in those moments, self-led leaders. have such a profound impact. You were just describing it, right? As a kid, these coaches and teachers in these moments offered self-energy to you, impacted you tremendously, and created a pathway for you. And imprinted you. It imprinted upon you.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
So asking yourself when I'm with my child or a child, am I calm? Am I connected? Am I curious? Am I courageous? Am I feeling any kind of creative energy or compassion, curiosity? The curiosity is the big one with kids too.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And, you know, I want to create, I am, this year I'm going to create something new and it's going to be called self-impact training. And it's going to teach leaders predominantly how to master this.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Because, but not just leaders, just, just humans, right? But people that have to, that want to make an impact, not just leaders, anyone that wants to make an impact to come through with this We can't do the big work that we're here to do in the world if our child parts are doing it.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
You can't run your business like the 10-year-old self. You can't, you know, make a movement when you're constantly in your addiction, right? It doesn't work. So we have to heal ourselves.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Those are huge qualities of a super attractor, which of course you embody, but patience is probably the biggest one because it's when we're sort of, when we're thirsty or inserting ourselves or we're controlling, it's just completely the opposite of allowing.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
That's actually quite good.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Absolutely. I think that sometimes the best advice that I can give somebody is to stop. Stop doing what you're doing because you're doing it from a place that's a protector. And so it's stop and check in. Sit and check in. First step of having the choice to check in is that moment when you let that light come in, right? It's the cracking open to what's possible. I always share this Rumi quote.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
It's my favorite quote. I've shared it here on this podcast before. The wound is the place where the light enters you. Those wounded parts of ourselves are our greatest opportunities for transformational growth and extreme development. And here's what I believe as a spiritual teacher. I believe that Before we come into this body in this way, we sit down with our guides, our angels.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And there's actually, as always, what I believe, it was reinforced to me recently by this medium. It's like, yeah, that is exactly what happens. You sit down with your guides and your angels and you're looking at this list of life that you want to have. And you say, well, who do I want to be? What do I want to go through?
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
What are the experiences that I want to have so that I can learn the lessons that I am here to learn so that I can pursue whatever it is that this lifetime has meant for me?
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And I believe that you and I both sat there with our guides and we said, we're going to have this abuse as children, and we're going to have these extreme experiences, and we're going to do, and I'm not going to put that on you, I'll put it on myself, right?
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
I'm going to have these experiences of trauma and attachment wounds and severe cocaine addiction and physical issues and remembering the trauma, all of that. Check, check, check, check, check. As a journey back to self. And I recognize that none of it is an accident. There are no bad parts of who I am, as Dick always says, no bad parts.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And I chose this path so I could unlearn the wounds of the world and remember the light and the self of who I am. And no one is different. I mean, everyone, take it or leave it. They don't have to have my spiritual faith.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
But if you can start to see and witness these parts of yourself, Dick says there's no bad parts. And so as you start to witness these parts of yourself through that lens of compassion... You know, Lewis, I was a fellow for a while at this recovery center near my home. And I would go in every month.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And each month, it would be a new group of 100 people that were the new – because it was a 21-day program. So each month, it was new people. In the addiction program, recovery program. And the majority of them had one to two days clean. Okay? Because they were new. It was like a new wave of people. Okay. And I'd come in and I would teach them of this work.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And I would suggest to them that the addict was just trying to protect them.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And I'd offer them the opportunity to consider that, right? Because when you're deep in your addiction, you're like, nope, I hate this part of myself. This part of myself is ruined by life. I'm a shame. I'm a horrible person. I'm, I'm, I'm. And to just even slightly tease that out a little and say, well, everybody here in this room, what is your addiction protecting you from?
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And every single one of them would say this trauma and that trauma and this trauma and that trauma stories flying through the room. And then we'd say, okay, well, so if you had this extreme experience that you don't know how to manage and you've been using this thing to manage those big feelings, you see how it's been trying to protect you?
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And when you look at it through that lens, how do you feel? And everyone in the room would say compassion.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Not everyone. Not everybody was ready for the compassion. Sure, sure, sure. But it would come through.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Cocaine and alcohol, yeah.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Well, work. I also had food, work, love. Sure, sure. It was like multifaceted.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
I think that as impatient as I am, I'm also really in just tremendous faith. I think as like 20 years being a spiritual student, really my whole life, I feel like I've been a spiritual student. I have such a strong ingrained knowing and trust in timing.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
What it's saying is they have extreme traumatized little exiles inside and they've done everything they could to manage those feelings and that management didn't work anymore. And the firefighter of addiction has stepped in to put out the fire.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And they deserve compassion. They deserve connection. Now, if you're someone who's in a relationship with an addict and you've, you know, tried your best to do all the things, you know, sometimes the most kind and loving and compassionate thing to do is to cut yourself off. Wow.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And I say that with, because this is sort of the premise of some of the 12 step work, which is some of the Al-Anon work, which is, well, let's not say Al-Anon, some of the codependency recovery work is, is, is really that, you know, you can't, can't, you don't enable the addict, right? But they all, but you have to trust that they have self inside.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Depends on how much you want it as a cocaine addict, right? So it also depends on the drug of choice, right? Because if you're trying to get off heroin, it's very different than getting off cocaine, right? You get off cocaine, you just feel better right away. You might detox a little bit, but ultimately you just feel like, you're just like, whoa, I feel better today. I'm not anxious.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
I'm not crawling out of my skin. Whereas coming off of, you know, heroin or opioids, I mean, that's brutal. You deserve detox. You deserve support. You know, go to an ER and get the detox that you need. Get whatever support that you need because that's a different journey. But if you want it, if you want it. And that's the question. I think all these addicts, well, of course I want it. Right.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
But I want to be careful with what I say because everybody would want it. Right. They want it. But there might be parts of you still that want to lean and stay. Hold on. Right. Of course. It makes you feel safer. Makes them feel safer. There's a relief. Or that's the way that they think that the only way they think they can get ahead or it's still fun or whatever. Right.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Sometimes it's so it's when we hit those big bottoms that we really stay clean and get clean oftentimes because sometimes It's no longer fun. It's so destructive. We don't want it anymore. For me, that was the case. I just didn't want it anymore. I struggled for several months in and out of this therapy that I was doing. I'm not an alcoholic. I'm just a cocaine addict. I just kept going back out.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Or I'll drink. I won't do coke. And then I always end up doing coke. And then finally... I found my way into a program and, um, into a self-guided program. And I, um, I got myself clean and sober, you know, with, with the group. And I, um, I didn't go to, I didn't go to, um, treatment, but I, um, you had to get my, my program. And I, I swear it, um, worked for me. Actually,
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
In a week, I'm celebrating 19 years. Well, actually, no, let's say this is January now. Actually, a few months ago, I just celebrated 19 years of sobriety. So now I'm 19 years sober.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Yeah. And I wanted it. But also that desire and that willingness is really the whole thing.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
But it's slow. You know, they say in 12 Steps, like, keep it simple, stupid. And, you know, it's like slow and steady. And people always would say to me, like, early in recovery, like, I wish you a slow recovery. And because... You don't want to try to be, you know, 20 years sober today. It's not going to happen.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And I can look back almost two decades now and say every part of that journey was exactly as it needed to be.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And the thing that's nice about the willingness and the wanting it is that if you do find your way to whatever kind of recovery path you find, it does feel good when you start to get a little bit of it.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And then you want to reach for more and reach for more.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Only the small things.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Like, often with work-related things, because much like you, and I think much like many entrepreneurs, we happen to just sort of see things further than maybe, or think about the process or see the big picture faster than somebody else might. And that doesn't mean that that's better or worse. Then you need the people that are like, wait, slow it down and let me figure out the plan, right?
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
So there's four steps. Choose to check in with the parts of you that are burdened. Become curious about those parts and let them talk to you. Be curious. What do I need to know about these burdened beliefs that I've had over the last three years and what I'm carrying? Check in. Become curious. Extend compassion by asking, what do you need? And then let those C qualities emerge.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
I'm telling you, from now on, for the rest of my life, people are going to be like, well, what do I do to manifest? I'm just going to be like, check in. Check in and check in and check in more. Four-step check-in. Do it more and more and more. This is the secret. This is the key to manifesting. We manifest what we believe. And that was some of the first words out of my mouth here today.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And so how do you want to change the patterns and burdens? And how do you want to attract more of what you want into your life? You tend to the belief systems that are holding you back with this four-step check-in process.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
I just want to say something to you. So on behalf of all your listeners and viewers, because I meet people all the time that flip out when they find out I'm friends with you, because you've really helped heal them and helped them, given them the resources to heal. And with your wisdom and with your interviews, but most importantly, with your self-energy.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And as a friend of yours and someone who feels so seen and safe and connected and supported, right here, right now, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart, I want you to feel how grateful I am to have a presence of self like you in my life. And on behalf of all of your beautiful community out there. Because I think they're all going to say this.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
One can't exist without the other. But because I have such a visionary way of thinking, I can be so five, six, seven, 10 steps ahead that the, and then other people around me are kind of like, whoa, peel it back, that's when I'm like, wait, no, no, no, I want to move things faster.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
In the comments, everyone, tell Louis how much you love him.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
You deserve it.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
I love you.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
You know, people like this work, they want more support with it. Go to deargabby.com forward slash app because there's my Dear Gabby coaching membership and inside it is a lot more self-help guidance, just extra processes here. But affirmations you can pull, two-minute exercises, long deep dive coaching. It's your coach in your pocket pretty much.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
So if you're like, I like the way what she's saying and I want more of her, that's the place to go.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And I think I have a sense of urgency around knowing that this is... I keep saying lately, it's go time. It's go time. Not just for the individual, but also I feel as a teacher, it's go time. I have to make sure that I am... able to touch as many people as possible. It's a crucial time right now.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
We manifest what we believe. So if we are stuck in a core wound, traumatized story, a neural loop of fight, flight, freeze, we're living in a way where we're so afraid or blocked because of those core belief systems that
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
What ends up happening is that no matter how hard we try to manifest, no matter how much we deepen spiritually or how much we hold the vision, like you said, right, and have the intention, things may show up because your focus is redirected, but then it may show up and you can't keep it or it falls apart or things just aren't in the flow.
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Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And that lack of flow is often truly because of the core wounds from our very early, early, early years. And so it's funny. This is my most therapeutic book. I went and I got trained in internal family systems therapy. It's a therapy that I've used for a decade with my own therapist. It's coming up on a decade, maybe nine years now. And then I got trained in the model.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And I was so moved by it that I wrote this more therapeutic book. Now, while this is my most therapeutic self-help book, it's very spiritual too, but it's probably the most important manifesting book. Not because it's got lessons on manifesting, but because the secret to truly manifesting what you desire is to heal the beliefs that block those desires.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Period.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Well, most people, I think, are walking through life with beliefs of being unworthy, unlovable, inadequate, not good enough. Maybe they feel worthy in one area of their life, but they're completely blocked in another.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And so the areas in our life where we lack that confidence and that clarity and that connection and that calmness that you talked about when you were manifesting the house, sort of like the just relax, knowing it'll come if it's meant to be, the places in our life where we don't have that are the places where we have the most wounds.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
If you were to say, okay, I'm really great at detracting things into my career, but my relationships, I'm just a show. Okay, well, what is the core wound that's tied to those relationships? What happened to you as a child? What do you know about relationships? Was there trauma there? And this is sort of self-help 101 or therapy 101. We all kind of understand this on a kind of
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
In the periphery, we're like, oh, yeah, I get that. This thing happened to me and then I'm going to hold on to it. But this book is like, no, no, no, no. The life you're experiencing is a result of the roles that you play, the parts that you play each and every single day. The world is like this theatrical event that we show up for on a day-to-day basis.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And the parts of us that show up are different characters in our life.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
These extreme parts, these addicted parts, these fearful parts. So we're like lots of different actors in the show that is our life.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
So in IFS, internal family systems therapy, I'm going to break this down. So we're going to talk around it. Let's just break it down from the get-go. Okay. So my gift in this lifetime is to just simplify big ideas. And my gift to Dick Schwartz, who's one of my cherished friends, the founder of IFS, is to take his extraordinary body of work that healed my life and to translate it and demystify it.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And simplify it. And simplify it and democratize it. So here we are. Internal family systems therapy is not about your external family. It's about an inner family of parts of us. So we have these lots of little children inside.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
It does and it doesn't. Let me keep it simple, right? Have you ever said a part of me gets really outraged when Marta does this or a part of me flips out when I can't control something?
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Yeah, yes. You're kind of familiar with those parts of yourself. You even said it earlier. A part of me is really, I don't even know if you said a part of me, maybe, but you're like, I can be really impatient.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
And these parts of us, often the extreme ones, are protection mechanisms. So the controlling aspects, the managing of the day-to-day things that we have to get done, the perfectionism, the overthinking, the playing small, these extreme roles that we play in momentary situations in our life, or really sometimes all day, every day, are protection mechanisms.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
So the extreme, so if you look at your life and you're saying, okay, there's parts of me that I don't like, or there's parts of me or ways I act out that feel extreme, or there's behaviors that I have that I just can't kick, addiction, overeating, drinking. And you see these things that you do, these behaviors that you have that you just don't know how to change.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
It's because they're very, very young parts of yourself. They've been around for a very long time.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
They never got a chance to grow up, these parts of you.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
Okay, so let me get this. Let me keep it simple. So I'm going to keep coming back to the simplicity, okay? Like I'm putting my, okay, let's keep it simple.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
We can have many, many parts of us. So let's keep it simple. So very young. We grow up where we come into this world. We're like these perfect little people. We're so happy. Everything's beautiful. Hopefully we enter the world in a safe, peaceful way. And from a very young age, we start to experience the burdens of the world. A parent that doesn't have a strong attachment.
The School of Greatness
Gabby Bernstein: The 4 Step Process To Manifest Anything & Heal Your Deepest Wounds
In the case for you and myself, having sexual abuse as children. So sometimes it could be extreme traumas like that, or it could be something along the lines of being bullied in the classroom or being told that you're stupid by your teacher. These moments in time are so extreme for our child brains to process, right? We don't have the resources. We don't have the brain capacity.