Emma
Appearances
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Hello, and welcome back to Advice Session, a series here on Anything Goes where you send in your current dilemmas or anything that you want advice on, and I give you my unprofessional advice. And today's topic is sex, which means if you're one of my family members, turn this off. And if you think you're a little bit too young to be listening to this episode, go ask your mommy.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Or you have a collection that you guys have created, you know, to sort of, you know, again, remedy the imbalance. There's a lot of stuff you can do. And it's definitely something that you can get through. Okay, moving forward. Somebody said, how often should you be having sex with your long-term boyfriend? This is something that I have struggled with before being like, wait, is this normal?
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Is this enough? In various extremes, I've asked myself, are we having too much sex? Is this unusual? I've asked myself, are we not having enough sex? Why have we not had sex in three weeks? I've, you know, questioned, why have we not had sex in a month? And why is that okay with me? You know, I've questioned that in a variety of ways in the past.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
And the conclusion I've come to is there is no specific answer. And every relationship varies, right? I will say, though, if you really do want to try to come up with some sort of number, I think your best option is to take an average of your and your partner's ideal frequency of sex. Okay, so let's say... you're talking about on a weekly basis, on average, right? Obviously there are exceptions.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Sometimes you're just tired for a few weeks. Sometimes you're fighting for a few weeks, whatever. But like on average, how often would you and your partner like to have sex? Ask each other this question. Have this conversation, okay? Let's say your partner would like five days a week and you really only want to have sex like two days a week. Okay, well then your average is what? Three and a half?
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
So that means having sex like three and a half times a week, right? So that means like having full on sex, you know, three times a week. And then the half is like walking past your partner in the kitchen and like putting your finger up their butt a little bit. Or like, you know, you're about to fall asleep and maybe you just like grab a boob or something.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Say like goodnight and like grab a little boob. That's the half. Okay. But again, you know, like even once you have that number in that average with your partner, it's, Sometimes you're going to have sex every day because both of you are in the mood. And sometimes you're going to have sex once a month because that's what you're in the mood for.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
There are so many variables that affect how often you have sex in a relationship that I think one of the worst things you can do is set some sort of expectation or like... be striving to hit some sort of quota. That's not how this works. Sex should be intuitive. You should have sex when you want to have sex.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Obviously, it's complicated because there's two people, but it shouldn't be about hitting a quota. I really think it comes down to whether or not the amount feels good to you both. If it feels good to you both, if you feel like
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
yeah, we have sex a lot sometimes, not a lot sometimes, and we fall into a routine and have it pretty routinely a few times a week sometimes, and I'm really happy with that. It's kind of all over the place, but it feels good and it feels intuitive, then you have no issue, right? You don't need to be questioning if you're having sex too often or not enough. You're good.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
But if you're feeling like, I'm not happy with the frequency, like it feels off, it feels like it's too much, it feels like it's not enough, then you need to have conversations about it, right? And I think it's so important to be in a relationship where you feel comfortable to have these conversations.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
And I think you create that by, number one, not putting each other on a pedestal, but also having nonjudgmental conversations routinely, you know, ensuring that both partners are nonjudgmental. And routinely checking in on the uncomfortable stuff. The more you discuss it, the more comfortable it becomes. I sort of already said this, but I built on it a bit now.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Anyway, I think it's very important to create a dynamic where these conversations are easy and comfortable. Or not maybe easy, but they're invited. You know what I mean? Okay, next, somebody said, I wanna have sex for the first time, but I can't decide if I'm ready or not. It feels like a big deal to me, but I don't wanna be dramatic. How do I know if I'm ready?
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
I think it's like 50-50 out there. Some people have sexual energy. Some people don't. It seems to be like 50-50. And I'm just somebody who, for whatever reason, doesn't have sexual energy for the most part. So I feel kind of silly when I talk about sex. However, despite what some of you may think, I do have sex. I do have sex. And I'm not necessarily the best at it.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Let go of the expectation that you're ever going to feel 100% prepared and ready. We're never 100% prepared and ready for something that we've never done before. You know what I mean? Like the first time you skateboard, it's okay to be nervous because you've never done it before and you don't know what to do. If you've never done something before, you're not going to know what to expect.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Like it's completely normal to be like, uh, I'm not ready. You know what I mean? You just never feel ready. What makes you feel ready for something is when you've done it before and you know exactly what to do. So this is a normal feeling. But let go of that expectation that you're ever going to feel 100% prepared because I doubt that you will.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
And I also think, too, that another reason why we never feel ready is because it is a huge decision. It's okay to take this really seriously. You know, you're saying that you... It feels like a big deal to you, but you don't want to be dramatic. No, it's okay to be dramatic. It is a big deal. And I feel like we live in a time now where we're told that it's not, that it doesn't matter.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
You know, have sex with whoever you want as much as you want. Who cares? It doesn't matter. It doesn't mean anything. It doesn't define you. All of these things in a lot of ways are true. But I do think that growing up, hearing this rhetoric is, you get this idea that if you take sex too seriously, it's because you're very reserved and you're very prude and this, this and that.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
And like, you know, this is a time where now like, you know, say virginity is not held as sacred. It just doesn't matter anymore. We live in more of a time of, I guess, sort of sexual liberation in a way. And I think, again, there's a lot of beauty to that. And I think that there's a lot of great that comes from that.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
sort of philosophy however i do think that it also can be a bit damaging to young people who are feeling like wait a minute this is a big deal to me wait a minute i don't want to just have sex with whoever i want like wait a minute i kind of think this is a big deal And I feel like that is one of the flaws with that sort of conversation that's happening in society and culture today. Okay.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
I don't know because I experienced that. Like I'm speaking directly from experience here. Growing up, I felt like everyone was celebrating having a lot of sex with a lot of different people, you know? Whereas when my parents were kids, for example, that was less the case, you know? It was more like...
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
being really selective and really careful was sort of what was, I guess, maybe cool back then in some ways. Definitely when my grandparents were kids. And I'm not saying either is good. I think both extremes sort of have negative impacts on young people's psyches, right? When society is too strict about sex,
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
A lot of guilt comes up, a lot of feeling of like, I'm impure because I did this or like I'm forever destroyed because I did this or I've ruined my body from doing this. And I think that that's completely unhealthy. But also when the rhetoric is like sex is just this, it's it can be this casual thing. It's so casual. It's so chill, right? It's chill. It's not that deep, y'all. It's so chill.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
That also is harmful because for some people that's true and for some people that's not, right? And so I don't know. I think it can make people feel weird, myself included, when they do take this stuff seriously. And so I guess the purpose of this long-winded rant is to tell you that it's okay to take it seriously. It is a big decision. It is something that you should really think about.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Because you might be somebody who can have sex and it's no biggie and you don't care and it's chill, but chances are you're probably not, right? Sex is incredibly vulnerable. It's one of the most vulnerable things that you can do in life. And it's very normal to be deeply affected by the experience in either a positive or a negative way. And so now that, hopefully...
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
And I don't get on top very often because that's just a little bit too much for me, a little bit too stressful, a little bit too visual, can see too much of me, a little bit too exhausting, a little bit too... I don't really know what I'm doing up there. No one ever taught me. So I just don't really do it. But I have sex, okay? I've been having sex for like seven years or something, maybe six.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
you're allowing yourself to see this as a big decision, see this as something that should be critically thought about, how do you know if you're ready? Listen, as I said earlier, you're never gonna feel 100% ready, but I do think that there are a lot of signs that you are ready. Number one, you have someone to have sex with that makes you feel 100% comfortable and safe, who you can truly trust.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
I personally think that this is really important. You know, I've had friends who have lost their virginity to like a completely random person. I think that that is fine and that works for some people, but I wouldn't recommend it because, again, sex is a really vulnerable thing and it's even more vulnerable when it's your first time and you don't really know what you're doing.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
you ideally want to be with somebody who is going to take care of you, who is going to make you feel comfortable, who's going to teach you how it works, you know? So you want someone who you're familiar with, who perhaps you're even dating, to help make the situation less intimidating and more comfortable and also more enjoyable.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
The other thing too is, you know, when you have sex for the first time, especially if you're a girl, it can be painful. It can be uncomfortable. You might not be able to like, get right into it and you need somebody who's patient with you because it just might not be like this super hot, sexy experience the first time. Next, you need to make sure that you are the one making this choice.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Nobody else is impacting your decision making. Not your significant other, not your crush, not your friends, not society. This decision should be made for you. And that's really important because there are going to be a lot of pressures around you, okay? People who want to have sex with you might be like, let's do it. Like, come on. You know, there might be pressure coming from there.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
There might be pressure coming from your friends. Maybe your friends have all had sex and you haven't. So now they're like, come on, like... you need to have sex too. Or perhaps the pressure could be coming from society. Again, there's sort of a norm of like, well, once you're at this age, you must have had sex by now, right? And maybe you're a little bit older than that.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Maybe you're in your mid-20s when it starts to become a bit less common for people to be a virgin. If you still want to be a virgin, if you haven't found the right person yet, all good. You have the whole rest of your life to have sex. All good. You know what I mean? Do it on your own time. Do it when you want to do it.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Make sure that you're doing it for you because that will ensure that you're as ready as you could possibly be. You're not ready if you're not making the decision for you and you end up doing it when you're not ready and then you end up feeling like, oh my God, I feel weird. I wasn't ready. I really wasn't ready. And last but not least, it sounds exciting to you. Yes, you're nervous.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Yes, you're intimidated. Yes, it's a big deal. But more than anything, you're excited. You're like, okay, you know what? This is good. I really do want to do this. It's exciting. And exciting is like the main feeling that you're experiencing. It's a positive, exciting thing for the most part.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
There are always going to be fears and you're always going to be nervous, you know, but you're more excited than you are nervous. Okay, next. Somebody said, is it bad that I'm not a total freak in the bedroom? LOL, I feel like everyone I see loves having sex so much and my style is pretty mellow. It's hard not to be self-conscious or feel like I won't be enough for my partner. I totally get this.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
So I have enough experience. To be honest, if anyone needs sex advice though, it's me. Now I'm thinking about it, I'm like, wait, I could use some sex advice, if anything. But today I'm just gonna share with you what I know, all right? And as always, this advice should be taken with a grain of salt. For all you know, I actually could be a Barbie doll down there, just no vagina, okay?
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
I could not get this more. And I have spent so many years in relationships being like, oh my God, do I need to watch more porn and study and figure out how to be crazy and do a 360 helicopter spin? on a peanut, like, what do I need to learn? You know, what do I need to do? And I can't tell you how much this has tortured me. Okay. I totally get it because I'm the same way.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Like, listen, not to like give you too much information, but like, I am the same way. I'm pretty mellow. I'm pretty chill. I'm not doing anything crazy. I'm also not, not into it though. It's not like I am bringing nothing to the table. I am aware that I bring things to the table, but I'm not a porn star. Listen, it'd be great if I was, but my style is very far from that.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
And I think in today's age, the age of porn, where porn is more extreme and more accessible than ever, there's more pressure than ever to be like a porn star. And that applies to men and women. You know, it applies to absolutely everyone. A lot of the sexual standards that I feel like we have in society today are based on porn.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Even though we all know that porn is exaggerated and porn is an extreme subconsciously for whatever reason, we still sort of expect it from ourselves. We still sort of want to live up to that fantasy, you know, and it's incredibly harmful. It's incredibly harmful because it is extreme. It is unrealistic. It is often not enjoyable. it is often not fun. It's entertainment.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
And I feel like the influence that porn has has completely destroyed our idea of what sex is. Listen, there are some couples out there that might as well start filming porn because it's up to that level. And for some people, that's the vibe. But for majority of people, that is not the vibe. You know what I mean? It's just not. And it's completely fine. It's completely fine, okay?
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Normal, mellow, average sex can still be really good sex. And I know everybody at home is like, who is really, you know, maybe sexually advanced is laughing at me like, yeah, Emma, that's what somebody says who's bad at sex. Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. There are a lot of people that just want to have normal sex, okay? And want to do it really well. That's great, okay? That is great.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
It's completely fine. And, you know, it's sort of like, I feel like we tend to forget that our sexual identity is a part of our identity as a whole, mainly because it's something that comes out
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
in very private settings for the most part and because it's something that not a lot of people see and it's also like a very different side of us that's almost like weirdly animalistic and like not even like You're almost in autopilot a lot of times when you're having sex. And so we tend to forget that it is a part of our identity.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Just like smooth. You don't know anything for sure. So take advice with a grain of salt from me, all right? Anyway, let's begin. Actually, one more check. Are any of my family members listening? Let's fucking turn this off now because I don't want to talk about this at Thanksgiving.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
And what is one of the greatest pieces of advice anyone can give you about your identity? To own it, to be yourself. The same exact thing applies to sex. Be yourself. And if people don't like it, then they're not for you. You know, if you're dating somebody who maybe really loves to have freaky sex,
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
and they're not cool with you being a bit more chill, a bit more mellow, and you maybe not being down for their freaky stuff, then you're not compatible, and that's okay. I can guarantee that there's someone out there who also likes to have chill, mellow sex, and you both are gonna have incredible sex together, okay? And everything's gonna be okay. Sex is about a connection between two people
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
but it is also about having a good time, you know? And if you have a good time doing chill stuff, if you have a good time in missionary, stay there. You know, it's a classic for a reason. If you have fun having sex only in a bed, you don't want to have sex in the car. You don't want to have sex in the airplane bathroom. By the way, no one ever, like whoever really does that. I don't know.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Mile high club. Does that even exist? Probably not. Probably, but must be rare. Anyway, if you don't want to go out of your comfort zone, you don't have to. It's okay to know what you like and to stick to it. Is it fun to be adventurous sometimes? Sure. Do I think it's a bad idea to try everything once? No. I have tried stuff before and been like, eh, I don't like that.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
I think if you're somebody who is a bit more mellow, perhaps... It's not a bad idea to try stuff every once in a while. But if you don't like it, you don't like it. And it's okay to be mellow. So I'm sick of people feeling bad and myself even. I'm sick of myself feeling bad about not being this like fucking circus performer, like doing contortionist backflips onto... the wiener.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
I'm sick of not knowing how to tie my partner up into a crazy knot or a rope and swinging them from the ceiling. I'm sick of feeling like, oh my God, should I be doing that? I don't know. I'm sick of feeling like, wow, I'm not really making that much noise in bed. I'm not moaning and screaming at the top of my lungs. Should I be? No, I shouldn't be because that's not who I am. That's not who I am.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
I did this like nude shoot on Instagram, I don't know, a little while ago for my best friend, Jared, my best friend and stylist, Jared's new clothing company. He came out with some bags. He was like, Emma, do you want to do this shoot? And it was super last minute. And I was like, fuck yeah, let's do it. And it was nude with the bags. Anyway, super cool. I had a lot of fun doing it. It was great.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
You know what I'm saying? Yeah, and that's not who you are either, and it's okay. Vanilla sex is okay. Spread the word. Spread the hashtag. Okay, moving on. Somebody said, how do I tell my partner if he isn't making me cum when we are intimate? I don't want to fake an orgasm because I will keep having to do that, but I don't want him to be really self-conscious. Girl, I have been here.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Oh, have I been here before? Yeah, I have. I've been here before. I mean, it's hard for me to give advice on this without feeling like a hypocrite because I fully dated somebody once and for the entire relationship, they never once made me cum, okay? And I never faked it. I never once faked it. But we also never talked about it.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
And to this day, I don't know if they think I was... I don't know what happened. It's kind of wild to me. In retrospect, I'm like, Emma, what the fuck? Like, what? What are you doing, girl? What the heck? What a bummer. Like, that's a huge bummer. It was a catastrophe and it was completely miserable.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
And this, like, you can still have like decent sex and not come from it, you know, especially as a woman, right? Because it's a bit tougher. It's a bit more complex down there. It's also a bit more complex emotionally. I think it's a different, it's a different sort of situation. Yeah. And it requires a bit more communication, right?
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Like in terms of heterosexual sex, I think for the man, it's a bit easier because it's just the act of sex itself makes the man come, right? Whereas that's not always the case for women. Women need often a bit more, you know? They need a different type of attention, perhaps, depending on the woman's anatomy. And I know I'm somebody that I've never in my life, TMI perhaps, TMI perhaps,
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Should I say it? Should I say it? I'm scared. I'm gonna say it, I've never in my life had an orgasm from sex. I haven't, I just don't think it's my anatomy. Or maybe I just haven't figured it out. But, yeah, I require a bit, like we all require a different type of attention. So, you know, it doesn't necessarily mean that your sex with your partner is bad.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
It doesn't mean that your partner's bad at sex, necessarily. It might, it might mean that they're a bit inexperienced, they have no idea what they're doing. But it also might not. Right. I really am sad that, you know, it is so touchy and it is so insulting to tell, you know, your boyfriend, like, you're not making me come.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Like there's it sucks that there's this sort of stigma around it, that it's insulting to the man if he can't do it, because I like to give the men the benefit of the doubt. OK. that either your anatomy is different than any anatomy that they've dealt with before, or that they just don't have enough experience and they don't know what to do. And it is a little bit complicated, right?
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
It is a bit more complicated. It sucks that it's so uncomfortable to have a conversation about it. And I've never been able to have a conversation about it. I've never been able to figure out a way to solve it. I went through an entire relationship and never fucking figured it out, you know? And so what would I do differently if I were to experience that again?
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Well, number one, I would be stressed out. I would be stressed out because this is a stressful thing. Like I... It is very stressful. Even though I feel like I'm older and wiser now than I was when that happened to me and I was in that relationship, I still now putting myself back in my old shoes, I'm like, oh God, it's so uncomfortable.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
It was empowering. I was nude. But then the holidays came around. And I was just absolutely horrified because I knew that my entire family had seen my entire butt cheek exposed and I was just absolutely mortified. I can't even remember if they brought it up because I kind of like blacked it out of my memory.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
I honestly understand not wanting to just sit down and have a conversation about it. Listen, is that ideal in a lot of ways? Yes, because being able to just sit down and fucking be like, listen,
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
I need to teach you how to make me cum because it's a little complicated and like everybody's body is different and like the female anatomy varies and like I need to show you what I like, you know, and here's how it works and let's get on the same page. Is that ideal? Sure. But I do understand that it's a bit challenging, especially if you've been with your partner now for like,
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
multiple months, potentially even years. And you're like, how do I bring up now after we've had sex hundreds of times that I've never come? It's almost like every time you have sex and you don't come, it gets worse, right? It gets harder to bring up. It gets more awkward. It gets... more confrontational, the risk of it hurting your partner's feelings gets higher.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
And now that we've gotten that out of the way, let's talk about sex, people. Let's talk about it. Let's just dive into it. To be honest, I get a little bit uncomfortable when I talk about sex, not because it's a taboo topic, but because I don't think people perceive me as a sexual person. In fact, I've seen comments online that are like, I don't think Emma has sex.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
I really do think the best way, if I were to go back, okay, and do it all over again in that one particular relationship, I would have tried to have made it a hot thing during sex and been like, do a little more of that, buddy. Let's do a little bit more of that. Oh, when you just did that like that, more of that. I'm somebody who doesn't like to talk very much during sex. It's just not my thing.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Every once in a while, I'm sparing. So, you know, it would be out of my own comfort zone. But it's better than fucking starting a full conversation being like, hey, buddy. Well, number one, never call your boyfriend buddy unless you want to absolutely destroy him mentally. It's just like, don't do that.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
But yeah, I mean, it's better than sitting down and having like a weird, awkward conversation about it where now, you know, they're like being faced with some really bad news and it's just awkward. I think it's better to be like, oh, yeah, do it more like that. Or the only challenge is if your partner isn't, like, say, in the case of a heterosexual relationship, giving you head, you know?
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
And sometimes if they're not going down there to do that, a lot of women, that's how we come, you know? That's how we get to have our moment, right? And some guys just don't really want to do it. Some guys just don't want to go down there. And they kind of have to if they want to make their girly pop come.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Anyway, so to avoid that anxiety, if you are related to me, let's just go ahead and turn this episode off. All right, let's begin. Somebody said, how to work around having opposite sex drives in a relationship so that everyone feels satisfied. I have absolutely dealt with this before, both extremes.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
And so perhaps there's like during sex, you're like, maybe you ask or like in a hot way, like be like, hey, why don't you go down there? You know, it's it's tough. It is tough. Or you can even make it like into a full, like maybe experiment with some role play. Okay. And to pretend to be teachers and teach each other.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Maybe you could even start by being like, hey, why don't you teach me how to give you head? Why don't you teach me? You know, and then, and then you can be like, now let me teach you. Do you see what I'm saying? It's like a total trick. It's a total trick, but you win because you get to teach your boyfriend how to figure it out down there. You see what I'm saying?
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
But my last suggestion is also try to figure out if there's a way that you can, I've heard this works for some women being on top. You can choose your own destiny in a way and you're a bit more in control. I've never found that to work for me. I really just don't like being It's okay, but it's not my favorite. And it also just doesn't, mainly because it doesn't, I don't enjoy it.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
My personal anatomy, it just has never worked that well for me for some reason. I don't know. Anyway, but supposedly that can be something that works. So maybe try that. Hasn't worked for me, but could work for you. But I think the best idea is to like pretend like you're like being like, why don't you teach me how to do this?
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
And then your boyfriend's going to be like, well, you're already really good and be like, no, I want to learn from you. And pretend to be a sexy student, not in a creepy way, but in a, you're teaching me how to do this. And then it could be hot for you guys. Maybe try that. Okay. That's all I have for today. That's it. I'm done talking now. That is all of the advice that I have.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
And you know what? Now you give me advice. Okay. Shoot me a little DM at anything goes at Emma Chamberlain on all social media and just give me some fucking sex advice. Now, what should I do to be more of a sex symbol in my life? Okay. It's weird. Even when I wear a risque outfit or something, I still don't feel like it's sexual. It's so weird. I don't know. It's so fascinating.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
They should study me scientifically. How can someone show tit but be so not sexual? I have to fart. See, I just farted. And that just adds to the non-sexual lore. Anyways, okay, enough, enough, enough. I'm done. That's all for today. Thank you all for listening and hanging out. If you enjoyed it, tune in Thursdays and Sundays. I'm here talking to you.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
You can stream anywhere you get podcasts or watch on Spotify and YouTube. Find Anything Goes on social media at Anything Goes. Find me on social media at Emma Chamberlain and find my coffee company at Chamberlain Coffee and find Chamberlain Coffee online at chamberlaincoffee.com and in store at Target, Sprouts, Whole Foods. And some other ones.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
I've dated people that have wanted to have more sex than me, and I've dated people who have wanted to have less sex than me. And both are definitely challenging and exhausting in their own unique ways. When you're dating somebody who wants to have sex more than you, you end up in a position sometimes where you feel like you're pretending, you know? You might have sex when you're not in the mood.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Go on the store locator online to find out if we're in a store near you. That's all I have for today. I had a lot of fun, as always. And I truly love and appreciate you all. And I will be talking to you very, very, very soon. In a few days. Don't miss me too much, baby. I'll be back.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
This is why I like can't... Again, I don't have sexual energy because I'm like having sex and I'm like... Actually, I'm not saying anything. Maybe that's the problem. No, but if I were to say something, I'd be like, OMG, like, wait, like this is like silly. Like we're being silly right now. Oh my God, like... I feel like I have to fart a little. I'm holding it in. Stop. Wait, can I fart?
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
And then I would get up and stop the sex and get up and walk into the corner and fart because that's what I do once I get comfortable with my boyfriends is that I don't fart next to them and I refuse to let them... I don't want to fart near them because, of course, there's just... That's just where I draw the line. Although sometimes we can't control it, but...
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
I like to get up and go into the corner of the room and fart in the corner of the room and then leave it there and then walk back. If I was truly being myself during sex, I'd start doing that shit during sex. And this is the problem. Or I would be like, oh my God, like if I got like flipped over or something, I'd be like, oh my God, hi again. Like that's the vibe. It's a catastrophe.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
It's a catastrophe. Please give me, like send me help. Send help, send advice. Yeah, that's it. I'm done talking now. You probably know a little bit too much about me after this episode, but whatever. Okay. Talk to you later. Bye.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
And you kind of feel weird about it. It feels inauthentic. It feels ingenuine because you're not in the mood. It's not what you want to be doing. And you're kind of just doing it. And it doesn't feel deep. It doesn't feel exciting. It doesn't feel... True. Or, you know, you have to reject your partner on a frequent basis, which is kind of a bummer, right?
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
I mean, it's totally okay to do, of course. If you're not in the mood and you're not feeling it, you absolutely should reject your partner. But it doesn't feel good and it's kind of a bummer and it's not fun, you know? Nobody wants to reject their partner, right? But that's necessary sometimes. So that can be really challenging. On the other hand...
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
If you want to have more sex than your partner, that also is really upsetting because at times you might feel like sex is sort of empty between you and your partner. The reason being that maybe they just aren't as down as often. And so you're having sex with somebody who, you know, maybe 50% of the time like doesn't actually want to be having sex as well. which is a bad feeling.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
And then you're like, wait, why didn't they tell me? Wait, I feel bad. Wait, I feel weird. This feels weird. Or you might initiate and get rejected, which is a fucking shitty feeling. So it's complicated. And the likelihood that you and your partner are going to have perfectly aligned sex drives, it's rare. It's pretty rare. Although it does happen. I actually have had...
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
relationships where it was pretty balanced. Like both members wanted to have sex kind of the same amount with an occasional like
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
off day but for the most part you know it's the same and when that happens great but you know we can't always expect that and that isn't a priority for most people right like having exactly the same sex drive is not one of the key factors in a relationship I think sexual chemistry and sexual interests come way before sex drive right
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
But I do think that it's important to ask yourself how important that is to you. You know, if this is something that really bothers you, be honest with yourself about it and be honest about whether or not this is something that you can deal with because all of us are different, right?
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Even though I think majority of us are okay with dealing with differing sex drives, some of us like that is really a deal breaker, I guess. So figure that out for yourself in the rare occasion that it is a deal breaker for you. Then that's a conversation that you need to have with your partner, potentially, you know, even end things with your partner.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
But I think for most people, it's a matter of communication. If you and your partner have opposite sex drives, you probably need to discuss sex a bit more than a couple who has, you know, a super synced sex drive. And that's because both of you need to constantly be making sure that your needs are being met and that nobody feels neglected or misunderstood or like...
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
they're feeling any sort of pressure to be having sex when they're not really in the mood. This type of imbalance just requires a bit more communication. And honestly, I think that this applies in every relationship. We are not going to be perfectly aligned, perfectly synced, perfectly balanced about every single thing in a relationship. There's always stuff that just doesn't quite line up.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
And I think a characteristic of a good, healthy relationship is when those imbalances are not a problem, right? Like it's cool. Like no, it's not a deal breaker for anyone. And you both figure out a way to communicate through it and keep tabs on it, right? So I think an extra level of communication is necessary, but that's uncomfortable because
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Emma does not exude an ounce of sexual energy. I don't think she has sex. I think if we were to pull down her pants, we would find it was smooth like a Barbie doll down there. There's no vagina. She doesn't have sex. And this is something I've always sort of been self-conscious of ever since I was...
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
So the more you can have those types of conversations, the more that you can check in, the more comfortable you'll get with it. And in the beginning, it might feel uncomfortable, but I can promise it'll get easier. But I understand the fear because I've been in relationships where I've gone the entire relationship and we've never talked about sex like once.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
You know, it's like a topic that we avoided or whatever, for whatever reason, because it was too uncomfortable. And so I think the earlier on in the relationship, you can start talking about sex and the more often that you do it, the better, because then it just isn't scary anymore and it's comfortable and it's easy. And it's important, especially if you have opposite sex drives.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
But once you have that sort of figured out, I think there are a few more things that you could do, okay? Number one, when you do have sex, when both of you are feeling it at the same time, lean into it, okay? Don't fall into your routine. Like, I feel like a lot of couples get into sort of a routine, like...
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
At 30 seconds, like a finger goes in and then at like three minutes, okay, now my pants are off. And then at five minutes, okay, now we're doing this. And then we flip over. It's like when you're in a relationship, you end up getting into a routine with sex a lot of times. That has happened to me in every single relationship I've ever had. It's like at a certain point, you have a routine.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
And so they're actually a conscious effort has to be made to get out of that routine. And so I think if you have opposite sex drives, it's all the more reason to make sure not to fall into the routine. Like when you catch yourself about to like pop a fucking finger in somewhere or like Put a hand in the pant when you normally do. Be like, wait a minute, I'm gonna do something else.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Like, I don't know, just like switch it up. And also drag it out. Don't rush anything, you know? Don't just like go through the motions. Like, drag it out. You know what I mean? Like, stop in between. Chill out for a sec. You know, like drag it out. Get out of your routine. Make the times that you do both want to have sex extra special, extra exciting. Really make a moment out of it, okay?
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Have fun with it, you know, because this is something that's even more special for you two than for the average couple. Okay, next. If you're really feeling like, oh my God, we have been so out of whack. We have not had sex in like a month. Like we're just not aligning. Plan a night around sex. Okay. It sounds kind of cringe, but I actually do think that there can be some, some value in it.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Like, let me give you an example. Okay. Plan like a date night. Okay. Like, okay, tonight we're going to order dinner and we're going to watch this movie and we're going to light a fucking candle. Maybe we're And if you want to wear like a cute little outfit, okay? I hate doing that because I feel cringe when I do it. And I feel constricted by it and I like really hate it. So I don't do that.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
But like if you want to buy a little cute little outfit and wear that maybe under your clothes, okay? Do that. You know, if you want to buy something from like a little sex store as like a little funny surprise, fun, funny surprise, okay? For some people, it's not a funny surprise, but if I were to do something like this, it would be because every guy I've ever dated would be like, what the fuck?
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
going through puberty as a middle schooler, I've been self-conscious about the fact that I exude less sexual energy than the average person. I've always sort of relied on my humor and my personality to get attention. And I'm not saying that in like a pick-me sort of way. Like, Sorry, I guess I'm just like deeper than the average.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
You went to a sex store? What are you doing? What? You bought a handcuff? Who cloned my girlfriend and pumped Viagra into her? What's happening? But whether you're a sexual person like that and you're into that or not... It could be fun regardless, whether it's funny or it's serious, you know, going and picking something up.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Like there's little like sex games you can buy that are like not, you know, anything too extreme, like pretty tame. Or you could, if you are less tame, pick up something kind of crazy. I don't know. Pick up a little something props. But like make a night out of it, you know, make a night out of it.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Make sort of a plan like tonight we're going to we're really going to we're really going to lean into this. We're really going to have sex and it's going to be fun and it's going to be sexy night. We're going to have a sexy night and it's going to be sexy and it's going to be nighttime and we're going to have a sexy night. Kind of fun.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
I think when both partners are feeling uninspired, it's not a horrible idea to just have a little sexy night. And last but not least, I do think if you're in a relationship where you have opposite sex drives, it is important, especially for the person who maybe has a higher sex drive, to be masturbating. And I know it's like, Emma, oh my God, this is so rated R. You're talking about masturbation.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
What? But, like, I don't know. I think some of us are like, I'm in a relationship. I shouldn't masturbate. Like, I should just be having sex with my partner, you know? But I actually think it's totally fine. And also, like, I've been in relationships where, like, we have, like, normal... good, balanced sex. But then sometimes I'm like, I'm bored.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
And like, you know, we might have sex later, but we might not. And I feel like I probably and I kind of feel like today is the day that today is a day that I need to. And so I'll just handle it on my own. You know, like, I think it's perfectly normal and healthy and not a red flag if you need to masturbate in your relationship and you need to take matters into your own hands sometimes.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
I actually think it's a really healthy... What's the alternative? Wanting to and then just not and holding back? I mean, I guess for some people, maybe that makes sense. But I don't really feel like that is necessary. That's kind of a bummer. Or cheating. Okay, that's not good. I don't know. I don't see anything wrong with it. I think it's just like...
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
it allows you to like regulate and balance everything in your relationship. Like if you like to have sex more than your partner and you make up for it in masturbation, like that's not cheating, you know, unless your partner thinks that like watching porn is cheating and you need to watch porn to masturbate, then that's kind of, I guess, a different topic. But...
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Um, I actually think most people need porn to masturbate. I just don't, which is like a weird thing about me and I never watch it. And, and it's just this weird thing about me or it's not weird, but it's just like kind of unusual and maybe less common. But anywho, I just have a really strong imagination. Isn't that beautiful? Yeah. Like do it yourself. Okay.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Or encourage your partner to do it themselves. Yeah. You know? And perhaps you could even figure out some sort of, like, cute sort of thing where, like, perhaps, you know, I personally hate nudes. Like, I don't want any nude of me to exist. I'm very frightened of that. Because, like, what if an iCloud gets hacked or something? I just don't even fuck around.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Like, there's not one nude of me on my phone. And I'm not just saying that to, like...
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
fend off iCloud hackers I just genuinely do not have one nude photo of me on my phone and not or actually if I do it's like not a sexual one it's like me like in a fitting with my stylist Jared and like we're taking a picture of pants and like my boobs are out because I don't care and we like needed to take a photo of the pants do you know what I'm saying like that's the type of nude on my phone and
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
Sorry that I'm not like a sex symbol, but I'm like well-read and I like read books. I'm not well-read. I'm not that well-read. I've read a few classics, okay? But no more than the average person. I'm not well-read. I'm not saying this in some sort of pick-me sort of way. I'm saying that I just never had sexual energy, so I had to rely on other things. And I think many of us can relate to that.
anything goes with emma chamberlain
faking orgasms, advice session [video]
But, like, perhaps you could figure out, like, maybe you could take photos of something or, like, videos and then for your partner for when they, like, if they have a higher sex drive than you or if you have a higher sex drive, now you can, like, you know, you can masturbate with your partner virtually. You know what I'm saying? Because you have a little pic or a little vid. Yeah.