Daniel Pink

No, but I knew. And you know what? I want to be a good person. I want to show respect for people. I want to show respect for his family. And I didn't do that. I was at a juncture. The right thing, go to the funeral. The wrong thing, keep doing my work that afternoon instead of taking two hours. And now, what do I do with that? I can say, it doesn't matter. Everything happens for a reason.

Or I can say, I'm the worst person in the world. No, I say, you know what? Something that I didn't do 20 years ago is still bugging me when I can't even remember what I had for breakfast this morning. Right. That's a strong signal. Yes. And it's a signal that show up and go to the funeral no matter where it is.

Or I can say, I'm the worst person in the world. No, I say, you know what? Something that I didn't do 20 years ago is still bugging me when I can't even remember what I had for breakfast this morning. Right. That's a strong signal. Yes. And it's a signal that show up and go to the funeral no matter where it is.

Or I can say, I'm the worst person in the world. No, I say, you know what? Something that I didn't do 20 years ago is still bugging me when I can't even remember what I had for breakfast this morning. Right. That's a strong signal. Yes. And it's a signal that show up and go to the funeral no matter where it is.

Well, I mean, you know, what we, you know, in the first of all, what kind of regret is this? I mean, I think it's I think in Tanya's telling it's a moral regret. Yeah. All right. So you had a chance to do, you know, you could do the right thing or the wrong thing. And in your view, retrospectively, you think you did the wrong you did the wrong thing.

Well, I mean, you know, what we, you know, in the first of all, what kind of regret is this? I mean, I think it's I think in Tanya's telling it's a moral regret. Yeah. All right. So you had a chance to do, you know, you could do the right thing or the wrong thing. And in your view, retrospectively, you think you did the wrong you did the wrong thing.

Well, I mean, you know, what we, you know, in the first of all, what kind of regret is this? I mean, I think it's I think in Tanya's telling it's a moral regret. Yeah. All right. So you had a chance to do, you know, you could do the right thing or the wrong thing. And in your view, retrospectively, you think you did the wrong you did the wrong thing.

But we can also look at this in the architecture of regret as a difference between an action regret, something I did and an inaction regret, something I didn't do. So this is an action regret. And the way you deal with action, there are two ways to deal with action regrets. One of them is to undo it. Hard to do here, right? You're not going to unscramble this egg. So you can't undo that.

But we can also look at this in the architecture of regret as a difference between an action regret, something I did and an inaction regret, something I didn't do. So this is an action regret. And the way you deal with action, there are two ways to deal with action regrets. One of them is to undo it. Hard to do here, right? You're not going to unscramble this egg. So you can't undo that.

But we can also look at this in the architecture of regret as a difference between an action regret, something I did and an inaction regret, something I didn't do. So this is an action regret. And the way you deal with action, there are two ways to deal with action regrets. One of them is to undo it. Hard to do here, right? You're not going to unscramble this egg. So you can't undo that.

So the other thing you can do is what's called in the psychological literature a downward counterfactual where you imagine how things could have turned out worse. And so it usually starts with a sentence, at least you didn't get in trouble. At least you met your incredible spouse right now. And so you find essentially the silver lining in that.

So the other thing you can do is what's called in the psychological literature a downward counterfactual where you imagine how things could have turned out worse. And so it usually starts with a sentence, at least you didn't get in trouble. At least you met your incredible spouse right now. And so you find essentially the silver lining in that.

So the other thing you can do is what's called in the psychological literature a downward counterfactual where you imagine how things could have turned out worse. And so it usually starts with a sentence, at least you didn't get in trouble. At least you met your incredible spouse right now. And so you find essentially the silver lining in that.

And you have to – when we think about our regrets, you have to actually evaluate the person making the decision at that moment. And that's a different – you're a different person today at age 52 than you were at age 16, unfortunately. The other thing that you can do – the other thing that people can do here with regrets that can't be undone.

And you have to – when we think about our regrets, you have to actually evaluate the person making the decision at that moment. And that's a different – you're a different person today at age 52 than you were at age 16, unfortunately. The other thing that you can do – the other thing that people can do here with regrets that can't be undone.

And you have to – when we think about our regrets, you have to actually evaluate the person making the decision at that moment. And that's a different – you're a different person today at age 52 than you were at age 16, unfortunately. The other thing that you can do – the other thing that people can do here with regrets that can't be undone.

is transmit your understanding and your lessons to other people. That is, be open about talking about the regret and extract a lesson from it and see if people are interested in hearing that lesson.

is transmit your understanding and your lessons to other people. That is, be open about talking about the regret and extract a lesson from it and see if people are interested in hearing that lesson.

is transmit your understanding and your lessons to other people. That is, be open about talking about the regret and extract a lesson from it and see if people are interested in hearing that lesson.

So I think this is a connection regret. It's a regret about not doing something to keep a relationship intact. The best remedy for this, I think, is something called self-compassion. Self-compassion is very simple. Treat yourself with kindness rather than contempt. It's that simple. All right. And so if you think about your self-talk, what is your self-talk? My hunch, Kathy, is cruel.