Cousin Sal
Appearances
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
I know a seat on the side. Disgusting. Disgusting that this is the most important sports podcast you're going to do all year. And how many minutes of NBA wholeness did you air before me? Yeah, I know. Yeah, but you put the Lucas stuff before me, didn't you?
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
It's just, you know, your league is back. You could go back to 17 minute quarters and a hundred games in the regular season. It's good. We kept 12 minute quarters. We're good. Yeah. That's what happened. Silver's like, Hey man, we got to, we're thinking of changing the size of the court and the, and how much time is in each quarter.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Can we just do something to make Boston, New York and LA great over the next three years? Come on, Dallas. Can you step up here?
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
The good news is, though, I will say your trade machine and trade thoughts, which I thought a lot of times were nonsense, like when week seven, when we had to do 10 minutes on Giannis to the Nets, and I was like, okay, good. But now people should listen to you because nothing is too ludicrous. There's not one trade that could be too crazy to pass muster here.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Yes, I think so. I think you and I will give our official picks who's going to win towards the end of the week. I did notice that I don't need two weeks. I don't... Let's get to the part where I'm depressed already. Like, I don't have to be depressed about being depressed, right? So... I don't like this extra week in between. It makes me analysis leads to paralysis.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
It was like a lot of ways to determine how old we are. Like, Oh, Babe Ruth won the home run title closer to when we were born than today, you know, and that sucks. And is that you and I'll send something. Oh yeah.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Three's company premiered 48 years ago. It all sucks. But I was thinking today, I was like, We at most have 30 more Super Bowls left, if we're lucky. Like, I take care of myself. You don't, you know, you're going to start doing cocaine when you're 60, so that's a problem.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
But there's going to be 1,000 more Super Bowls, and we're only going to see 30. That's disgusting to me. That really made me feel sick. So join in on that.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Right. At least. Can you say both those things? I know most people, like Raheem has a model, and most people have models, might even have the Eagles by three at this point. But can you also say, but I think it's going to be a close game? Because if you're going to lean model and Eagles... And you think it's going to be a close game. How dare you go against Mahomes in a close game.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
By the way, I'm going to pretend to get texts from NFL GMs during this pod. I felt that was very effective with Rosillo last night with the NBA guy.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
But I would disregard the line because I do have facts here. In the first 58 Super Bowls, only seven times as a favorite won and not covered. It happened with the Rams, Bengals most recently. It happened twice in the last 17 years. So take KC minus one and a half or take Philly Moneyline. You'll probably be okay, right?
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Yeah. So that's what I'll say about that. But I think you're right. It might be off, but I also think it doesn't matter because of that fact.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Right. They actually didn't even exist. Like first touchdown? What? What are these guys talking about? We started everything. You couldn't find it. You couldn't even bet it. So eventually we forced the books to actually come up with these.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
That was a great find when you could, you had a sort of, the internet wasn't what it is now. And if you could find a PDF where you could print all the props. Right. And it would send your printer into a tizzy, you know, it'd be like 25 pages.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
I didn't look at it that way. That is good. And I was thinking though, so we have to get in their heads, right? Is there Mahomes fatigue if the Chiefs win for MVP? Like he didn't have a great game against Philly. No. Against Philly. No, the last game. So he stayed under 200 yards, but had three touchdowns and they had to give it to him. Right. So I'm
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
I'm trying to write a script for how Mahomes doesn't get MVP if the Chiefs win. Is it Kelsey announces Thursday that he's going to retire after this game and he gets two touchdowns?
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
You talk about how like long, how come such a far way. However you say that we, uh, you could live bet the MVP, right? And remember like Kadarius, Tony was like a punchline. Now he had like a big game. He had a big punt return and a touchdown. Like, Oh man. But my homes was still favored. I remember looking at that. Like, you know, so there's something to look at that. I think we,
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Choosing between Barkley and Hertz is really tough if you're taking the Eagles. I might just rather take the Eagles. I did look at defensive MVP as plus 1,500. Once the game gets to the 40s, you're kind of cooked. But nine out of 57 defensive players have won. And so that's like one out of six or one out of seven. And you're getting 15 to one. It's not bad.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
20 for 27 for 255 he probably has one long run of like a 40 yard run maybe he's like seven for 52 running and he's just it's something like that right i think you're right but plus it's barkley's birthday you know on the super bowl so i don't know how much that factors in yeah turns 28 is that what it is and plus if it's plus 280 and he turns 28 am i wrong to say he's 28 that's uh yeah
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
That's pretty good numbers. But I think you're right. I don't know if Hurts getting the touchdowns on the tush push, if he gets like three of those and puts up good yards, if that's going to put him over the top. But it's been Barkley's year. I think that's probably the case for Barkley. Yeah.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
It's pretty good. Yeah. I was looking at, you said Barkley two plus touchdowns is plus 270. So that's the same. No, it's plus 280. Yeah. So that's the same odds as his MVP, right? Right. So you just take that instead. That's interesting. I think I might want to take that instead. I don't think there's a game where he's stuck on one touchdown.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Yeah, well, it's funny. Actually, this one was just texted me from Les Snead of the Rams, GM. He said, Kelsey, 25 or more receiving yards in each half. is a good number there. So that happened already this year. And if that... What's the odds on that? It's like plus 220 or something.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Oh, all right. Yeah, yeah. So it's 307 yards over the last three Super Bowls. So I kind of like that. And that already hit against the Texans this year.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Yeah, we go crazy about it on the ring of pregame show. And I don't know if there's like a million props, so they'll throw in one you can win on automatically there. But it's so easy there. It's minus 110 or right in there. 10 of the last 13 games, he scored a touchdown. So why should that be almost even odds? And they have a play designed for it. So it's almost suspicious.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Here's another one that goes along with it. shortest touchdown under minus one, under one and a half yards. We used to love this one. Oh, wow. We bet that a bunch of times.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
So the VIG is a little high. It's minus 172, but we loved it before the tush push. And now it's like, You know, he did it twice last matchup, twice first San Francisco, first time four to the five in the Super Bowl, seven of the last nine Super Bowls have seen shortest touchdown under one and a half yards.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
It's minus 172. It's not great. So you might just want to take Hertz for the touchdown minus 110. But for seven of the last nine Super Bowls, it didn't hit last year, so that's why I like it especially now.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Yeah, I like that a lot. I mean, I love Spagnuolo's defense, but it does, you know, it takes a minute to settle in sometimes. I think you could break a tackle or something in there. That's a good one.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Yeah, so I think you have to script it out in your head, right? Because for a lot of these last games, he was winning with 154 yards passing. Yeah. And then last week, he kind of surprised us. He's like throwing on third and six. Like, what are you doing? You have a fourth and one play that never fails. Why are you throwing on third and six? Right. And he would complete it. Devonta Smith and A.J.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Brown, they had big games. So... what do you feel? Do you feel like they're going to play catch up? If you feel like they're going to have to play catch up at some point or that, Hey, it's a super bowl. Just scoring just gets out of hand.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Uh, then I think you go over, but otherwise if you're a pro Barkley on everything, I mean, his three plus touchdowns hurts is 36 to one Barkley's three plus touchdowns is 15 to one. So you can have fun with those too.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Yeah, I also like Saquon or Hurts to have two or more touchdowns at plus 170. I was like banging my head against the desk trying to figure out which of these two is going to get two or more. And then Fandel has a spot for it where either they have like an either or guy thing. Saquon or Hurts, two plus touchdowns, plus 170 touchdowns. You're almost definitely.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
I like Devontae Smith. I think they have... For Eagles, not too much. Like 70-plus for him is plus 205. 80-plus is plus 320. So if you get that long play in there and you think it's going to be him... We haven't done Chiefs yet, right? You're going in order of the... Yeah, okay. Yeah, so that's really it. And I also... Kicker prop here, Elliott over seven and a half.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Like you think to yourself, oh, this team's always going on fourth and one. They don't have, you know, they're not going to kick. He's gone seven straight games where he's got had seven and a half or more points. And he had nine in the Super Bowl. So the tush push doesn't really factor into like their scoring chances with Jake Elliott.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
I like that a lot. Yeah, he infamously went under in yards when he had that eclipse, right, against San Francisco in the Super Bowl when he started taking kneels. I like, much like you do, it hurts. I like over 11 and a half longest rush for Mahomes. He's hit this in four of his last five games, averaging 13 for a longest over that stretch. So, yeah, I mean, I think that's how you play Mahomes.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Maybe do both of them. Yeah, I'd be a little nervous about the actual yardage, but...
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
He's also, there's a, there's a stat for him or a bet for him under one and under two and a half sacks that he takes. He's hit this in four of his last five, you know, I mean, he knows when to take off. He's just the smartest there is.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Yeah, he's their tush push, right? He's a wrecking ball at the one or two yard line. So they give it to him. He goes in. Pacheco, I would only take his receiving props. I don't think they trust him. I don't trust him as a running back. Over four and a half longest reception for Pacheco. He's hit 13 of the last 17. He averages like nine over that stretch. But let me... Let me throw this by you.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
I'm putting a little on Mahomes for first touchdown at 18-1. I know because he got injured, they don't do the tush push. A little talk about play, it should be spoken about more, is when he rushed to the line of scrimmage against Buffalo and did that end around, basically that bootleg to get the first down. I think Andy Reid wants to have an FU moment here.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
whether it's a Philly special or something, I think I could see him wanting Mahomes to score from the one. I don't know if it's early on or late in the game, but you might get a sneak. I mean, I don't know why. Is he more likely to get injured? I know he got injured on the sneak years ago, but...
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
I did. It's going to come down to like a stupid replay because Mahomes, you might get Piran, but it could be just like a little flip play where it counts as a pass.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Yeah, I'm torn here because maybe they stole enough money from us in the AFC championship game because we all bet Kelsey props, right? So maybe that's okay. So maybe he comes back. And we know I gave you his Super Bowl numbers, right? Like 307, I think, in three games. But there's another way to do this.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
I'm looking at Noah Gray for a long of 10 or more yards because the Eagles weren't great against the tight ends, right? Like, what was it? It was Zach Ertz went for 110. They have like 10 catches or something last week. Something crazy. Noah Gray's 10 or more for a long. He's hitting 12 of the last 17. So that could be.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
I mean, it's just even, even up. But, you know, that could be something that. That's a good one.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
I had this written down. I mean, they've gotten a four-down conversion in every playoff game this year, both teams. So that's 5-0, and they're 70% plus on the year, and that's top three in the league. So, great.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
You know, I looked at it and it felt like it, but it's not the case.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
No, it's not. I tested that. Yeah, I mean, look at the scores. They're all like 20, you know. I think you need a kicker probably to miss at some point and some weird shit to happen. But are you looking for four bowl teams or one team? You said one team converts?
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Yeah. All right. So I think you need like five touchdowns. And one of them is a two-point conversion.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Yeah. I had Dijon over or Dijon over one and a half assists. He's hit this in five straight and had Quinnian Mitchell under a half of assist. He's five out of six. If you go, Under there. By the way, I did have, sorry, Kelsey. This could be a good Kelsey one. Oh, Kelsey first catch for Kansas City, plus 230. Last two Super Bowls, he's had the first catch. What was it, plus 230? Plus 230.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Last two Super Bowls, he had a one-yard catch and a 20-yard catch.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
I like that. When they're switching in centers during the game and that means you can't really double team a Chris Jones. So it's pretty good. I'll have more to say about that. A bigger moment. But yes, there's nothing wrong with that. Yeah.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Let's do it. Any quarter to end 0-0 plus 3-10. This has happened 25% of the games, like 14 times. I think for the last nine, the first quarter's ended 0-0. I love the zeros everywhere. You can go on FanDuel and buy your squares now, right?
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
You don't have to get stuck with two five at some shitty Super Bowl party and pretend you have a chance and do the math all day with a girl who's selling Girl Scout cookies. Someone's great niece ends up winning it without paying attention anymore.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
They haven't looked at the screen at once. So I love that, that you could buy your own squares. KC7-0 is plus 650. Philly 7-0 first quarter is plus 650. I'd take a chance on those. Plus 650? Yeah, for first quarter. Is there a 7-3? Of course. Yeah. Seven, three zeros. Mix them all up. Have some fun. There's one.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Do it up. I would think you would like this. The triple crown bets. These are like the anchor bets you were doing, right?
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
But if you anchor the two, if you could be at peace with the fact that Mahomes is going to have more passing yards... Not a certainty, but just live with it. And Barkley could be the rushing yard leader. Then put Worthy in. Then put A.J. Brown in. Then put Devontae Smith in. You can have a nice little three or four bets there.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Luka first Ozempic shot plus 160 on Monday. I don't know how that happened.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
He's going to be like the Jonah Hill after. This is going to be such a practical joke.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Not me, but yeah, him, yeah. Shit, yeah. All right, we got to do the Sal special. Eagles first half. Chiefs game, plus 750. It hit the last two years. Chiefs were trailing at halftime against the Niners. What a great one. Yeah, and the Eagles. So plus 750. And if you want to go the other way, Chiefs first half, Eagles game, plus 800. So a tie does not help you at half.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Thank you. Thank you. Both teams complete the first pass, minus 120. This one I got from GM John Schneider just texted me for the Seattle Seahawks.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
This has hit four in a row. All four, five, six one-yard passes. These guys don't screw around. I don't know. I don't see them going for the home run ball early on, right?
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Let's keep the clock moving. Confidence builder. Only minus 120. I really like that one. Not great, but still. Exact scores. This is fun, too. KC to score exactly 30 is 17 to 1. 27 is 11 to 1. 24 is 10 to 1. Five times this year, it's hit on those three numbers. For the Eagles, 28, 27, and 26. You got 22 to 1, 11 to 1, 23 to 1. Five times those numbers have hit. Live it up, man. Live it up.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Let's see. What else do I want to do? Oh, here's something interesting. So they have the playoff leaders, right? Yeah. Up until like wild card.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Deami Brown. Yeah. 229 yards. He's plus 360. Yeah. I think he could hold on. I think this is where he shines. I think he shines next Sunday by not being in the game. Goddard has 188. So if you don't think Goddard will have 46, you're good there. Kelsey has 136. He would need, you know, 90 something. And Worthy has 130. I just think plus 360 for the leader at this point.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Yeah, well, if you think that 60-yard of the worthy is coming, maybe that's the way to do it. All right. Braden Mann, Eagles punter, under 55-and-a-half longest punt, only over 55 four times all regular season. Who knows if he'll even punt, right? He had two against Washington as long as 43.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Yeah, I got that from Questia Dofo Mensa, the Vikings GM. Send me that one.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Yeah. It is a lot. All right. Jersey number for the first touchdown. Over 15 and a half. You lose the quarterbacks, but you get almost every defensive player. You get Barkley. You get Goddard. You get Kelsey. You get Hunt. You get Peyton Hender shot. I love it. Over 15 and a half. Even odds for that. Even odds? Yeah, well, they have to have a number. They put it right at the Kelsey line there, 15.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Brown's number 11. I just like having Barkley and Kelsey for almost the evening. And Noah Gray. Yeah, and my guy Noah Gray. All right, let's see. What else do we have here? They have next-gen... Yeah. Did you see, I don't even know how they would do this because worthy to register fastest is plus two 85 and he is the fastest, but so what if it's like an eight yard catch?
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Do they really just measure how fast it wouldn't be able to get speed probably in that spot. So you're, you're basically betting that he's going to have the longest play at plus two 85.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
I mean, it's crazy. Imagine Jimmy the Greek looking at this like you could have worthy at 18 and a half miles per hour. Like that's minus 172 to do that. Jimmy the Greek would probably end up saying something racist about the bet and make him very uncomfortable. Position first touchdown. What would you say? Which would you go with?
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Tight end's plus 420. It's not bad. That's what I was looking at there. Yeah.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Right? I think it's still 420. You know, we were talking about the FU moment for Reed against the Eagles. I know he's playing ready. Any quarterback to receive a touchdown, 70-1. Alignment to score, 18-1. A quarterback, either quarterback catches a pass is 21-1. That's pretty good. I know these things don't happen a ton, but this is it.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
This is your last chance to use the trick play for the year, right? Yeah.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Right, right. Then you get the stupid stuff. I mean, I'm going purple Gatorade. It's gone down already. It was plus 240. Oh, there's been action. You could bet it on Fandle now, which is a freaking miracle. Purple's down to two to one. It was purple the last two years. The Chiefs won the last two years. It was purple. Why would they screw with a good thing?
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Purple has a chance to catch orange as the high. Orange is five. Purple is four of all the Super Bowls. You know, we've got the Kobe thing. It's been five years since Kobe's gone. You could go purple there if you're the Eagles. You know, I think I just also let's just talk about Kendrick Lamar has like an Easter thing going. Maybe it's in his rider that there has to be purple Gatorade.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Listen, no one was more surprised than LeBron. He found out, what was he getting? Like a bacon-wrapped hot dog in New York after the Knicks game? He had nothing to do with this at all.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Completely shocked. I'd like to see Big Dom get involved in this Gatorade scandal. Doesn't this seem like something like Big Dom switches it out and some mobsters hit big on this prop? I think that's how this one's going down. John Batiste Anthem. This one you might not be able to find, Vandal. 120 and a half seconds. He did a minute 35, which is 95 seconds at the NBA All-Star Game in 2017.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Does he show off 30 seconds worth? How many? 120 seconds? That seems like a lot. It's two minutes. So it's been under two minutes in five of the last six years.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
What can I, who can I trust? Come on, Nick. Nick's patting his son on the head right now.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Did it again. Well, I'm trying to figure out. Oh, two or more diss tracks from Kendrick Lamar regarding Drake. His minus 400. Wow. Well, he's definitely playing Not Like Us.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
right so then they would have to maybe does a medley count what if it's a medley with like four songs in it yeah they have to because everything's a medley now they don't really stop down for new songs and then there's dumb shit there's Taylor Swift to announce pregnancy during or after Super Bowl 16 to 1 will he propose Travis after at 8 to 1 we might just have to do that so you don't throw up again can we talk about the proposal because why is that still lingering in such a real way
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Right, and he didn't go to the Grammys, which is going on right now.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
The Chiefs are going to try harder if they know he has plans to propose. I don't know. It gets so confusing. Probably not. Do you know Metro Boomin'? What about him? He's the first celebrity on stage. He's plus 125. He's the favorite. Not Tommy Alter? Tommy's fourth.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
I'm trying to think that might be it before we get to the good stuff there.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
What do you do? You have another NBA thing this week or something? I don't know. There might be more trades. I don't know.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Well, the bad thing is you could not even be looking for trouble and get food poisoning from Roy Oysters. How do you say that?
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
It was minus 150. He had like two touchdowns all year. I was like, why is this only minus 150? Yeah.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
It's led to a marriage. It's led to almost bankruptcy for me. I am not very good at it. Now I pick an underachieving no-name player to have a reception or a carry. I hit with like Henry Hanowski.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
That was good. I took your Patriots tight end once, that Michael Humanoali.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
But honestly, I don't think I've hit since Fozzie Whitaker. And I feel like the Chiefs and Eagles have ruined the Gary Russell special because... We kind of know all the third and fourth stringers, right? Like, I'm not going to go with Kenneth Gainwell or Jahan Dodson or, you know, you said Samadji P. Ryan for the Chiefs. Otherwise, we know the top six receivers. So I had to dig deep.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
No, I can't quit on Gary Russell. I can't believe we haven't heard from that couple. It must have split early on if that's actually how they met. Yeah, maybe that's like a sad story now. It's a sad story.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
The guy's living with his parents. Please reach out to us if that's the case. Are you ready? Yeah. Chiefs defensive lineman Mike Dana to record a sack at plus 235 is the Gary Russell special 2025. Hear me out. 27-year-old, fifth-round pick out of Michigan.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
He's on the postseason roster, had a good game against the Bills. He had a sack.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
He had a sack. And now it's going to be mentioned again and again. Again, he had six and a half sacks last year. He had five and 22. He had two at Philly in 2021. He's one of those guys, Simmons, you talk about it was like really good in high school. And then some scouts saw that and he was really good in college. And then he ended up being a pro.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Yeah, Derek Henry theory. Four tackles, a sack, two quarterback hits, a forced fumble against the Bills. Madden gives him 85 acceleration and 90 tackling ability. Mike Dana, go get it. My Gary Russell special dude of 2025, a sack plus 235.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Yeah. All right. Uh, I, uh, well, first of all, I crashed puberty night the other night. Remember I told you Harrison and his friends. Yeah. There's a, there's an instructor and we switch houses every Friday. Um, they gather and there's something going on. And this week it was at my house. So it was hard to avoid, even though my wife's like, just get lost.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
You know, you're not mature enough for this, but so I was going to take my other son out to dinner, but I was like, let me check in on this. And they're showing a birth, uh, on TV. It's like on my television, like a birth. And the kids are like covering their faces and everything. And then they have, yeah, it's really nutty. And they have questions afterwards about pregnancy.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
And, and Harrison, uh, asks, um, can the baby poop when it's inside the mother? And I just like snickered and I was like, I gotta get the hell out of here. This is just too stupid. But, um, that's part one, part two, you talked about the Royal rumble. Um, I still love it. I still do like the pool as long as there's like four people involved. So I was like, all right, I'll put up $50.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
My godson was here. My two younger sons, it was me. And then we picked numbers for Archie who's in college, right? So we got six people, uh, Or no, five people, six picks each. And it comes down to Jay Uso, who Harrison has, and John Cena, who Archie has. And Archie loved John Cena. He was his absolute favorite growing up. So it's kind of poetic.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
And like you said, it would make sense that John Cena would at least come down to these two. He would win. He would emerge.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
And this is the farewell tour. John Cena is going to be leading WrestleMania. Yeah. And it doesn't happen for John Cena. Jey Uso ends up winning. Harrison wins the $50 and immediately makes a taunting video and puts it on the family text chain. He's like, your boy lost it for you, Archie. That's it for you. $50 right here. Sorry, pal. You know, all that stuff.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
And then Archie, a few hours later, says, I didn't even get to, congratulations, Harrison, I didn't even get to pick my numbers. I will be back better than ever next year. And so that we could go back to these days. And he pans the camera and he shows his laptop of Harrison having a temper tantrum when he lost the Royal Rumble. Oh, he's taunting him for past behavior. So I was like, this is great.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
This is the best thing I've ever done. You've always wanted this. Created shit. On the family text chain. Melissa's like, what's wrong with you people? So anyway.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
And, uh, I usually say something, I usually say something stupid, like in a butler voice, like, would you care to go to the park, sir? You know, nobody ever gets it. And now that's it.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
three basically adults they're both juniors in high school and I'm in the front and they're in the back it's just fucking weird okay so this is different I think than from when we were growing up and everything else because are they showing each other stuff on the phone for the whole ride
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Yeah, and ski trip is right there at the top of that. I mean, you can forget a million things, right?
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Yeah, that's bad to jump into first. One of the first things to jump into.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
Can't he just reach into your closet and grab some ski clothes? I don't understand. Just fucking listen to me.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
No, it's about the same. I don't know. Archie started cooking for himself now, which surprised me. So that's good. Does he clean up after? Not that great at that, but it could be a little worse.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
And I don't need help. It's what women accuse of us, like never asking for directions.
Renewing Your Mind
Paul versus Peter
My son did a weird thing real quick about that. Not only did he not sit in the front seat, but I had to take a bunch of wrestlers to a tournament. He let one of the wrestlers sit in the front seat with me. Instead of him? Instead of him. I was like, all right, I guess I'll talk to this kid for an hour. Wow. If they just don't like us, that might be it. Yeah, that might be it too.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
Can I just first thank you guys for giving me some winning futures in the beginning of the year? I heard you talk about how you bet your own futures and lost. Maybe you should come to me after your podcast so I can tell you who to bet. Houston makes the playoffs. Yes. Pelicans, no playoffs. Yes. Denver underwins. Yes. Spurs underwins. Yes. Suns over is a loss. Wizards under. Yes.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
Anyway. It just went over. Those two went to crazy transformation. So it's not really. Anyway.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
This is good. Come on. Where's the drummer? I don't know.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
That doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense, right? If Memphis is even the eight at plus 350, Vandal screwed up. Thanks for sending us out here, but they screwed up. They're not smart people.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
Now that you bring it up, if Houston is going to be a two seat as a underdog, Right? If you're guaranteed, not guaranteed, but looking good, two seed. Has that happened in a while where two seed's an underdog? I mean, that jumped out.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
Because they've screwed us enough. We have this big parlay that needs Minnesota to run the table losing-wise to pay off. And it actually might be over by now because it's Tuesday night. Yeah, so we just want to figure out how much we want our teeth kicked in by Minnesota this year. What would you set that line at? Minnesota... I think House is right. Like Houston only because they're home.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
But it'd be tiny. Minus 125 or something.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
I like it.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
I mean, this just shows me that FanDuel hates Houston. To make them a plus number as a two-seed, most likely, and then we don't have to go on to the next round, but to make the West Finals a plus 470, playing the four or five seed, right? I'm sorry, the three-six seed.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
To me, that's like a lot of people. That might be respect. That might be different from you saying, there just might be a lot of tickets on the Lakers. Like right after that Luka trade, everyone must have just dialed into them and bet them the one. So they're so scared of that. Yeah, so there's a lot of liability there.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
But I do think for the West finals, all right, OKC minus 290, throw that out of there. If you think Denver's done, you got a nice opportunity to make some money here, picking either the Lakers or Golden State or the Clippers.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
I'll be right back. Oh, to make a thing.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
I thought it was a bathroom thing.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
That's two series at plus 450 and plus 300. Would that be what they are in the first two series?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
It's funny because we usually look at this at this point of year. Like, all right, who's the toughest out? Who's the toughest to beat four times? If you do it that way, 12 and nine is doable. Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
I think you're right. I think those odds are, it's weird because we just said a lot of people might have Lakers tickets, but when we talk about the toughest out, Oklahoma City is the toughest to beat four times probably, but not six times as tough as the Lakers to beat four times.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
The two seed getting the seventh best odds is remarkable. It doesn't make any sense. 24-1. Yeah. For all three of those categories, Houston's getting ripped.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
Thank you.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
Thank you.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
Thank you.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
Fourth in the world. Came in third last year. Came in 10th the year before. Came in fifth in 2022. He's never missed a Masters cut, so you know you're going to see him Saturday, Sunday. He's going to be on the board. I think people are down on him because of that outburst with House. You say that's not even an outburst. No.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
Blew a three-stroke lead with five left in the Arnold Palmer last month, and he wouldn't talk to the press. He gives a crap. Don't talk to me. I'll talk to you when I win here.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
Tour apologist Joe Hess.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
He finished in ties in the top 20 in all four majors last year.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
SVP, good job.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
It's like, there'd be a ringer studio right outside small, small world ride and Disneyland. It's like, what the, why is this here?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
He's so tall.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
If he could avoid injury, like he avoided baby doll today. So 35, four years left.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
Look, in our defense, House and I bet golf every weekend, and we've had money on Rory blowing round four a lot. That's the hesitation. 36 years old, Rory.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
It might be Alex Pereira, but it's funny. We discussed this on Against All Odds. If you had to assign a point value from 1 to 100 on guys and teams that you bet on the most. Pereira, McElroy, Chestnut.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
He's got a separated shoulder. They surgically removed his shoulder.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
No. You did the Justin Timberlake, Barry Giff show. Hold on. Can I just say, we haven't figured out what the booby prize is, but whoever comes in last has to do something stupid. Something humiliating. Something humiliating Friday. Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
Egg salad, pork.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
I think I might've done that anyway today, but that's fine.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
Okay. Make a case for Sheffield. I don't see. Where's this guy coming from? All right. That's good. And it's the lowest combined score, right? Yeah. So you have second pick. All right. Well, I did, you know, the last half hour. I said Colin Morikawa. I've not wavered from that pick. I like him. What are his numbers? Third last year. Tenth the year before. Fifth in 2022. Never misses a Masters cut.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
We had a buddy who said he had lunch with him yesterday. Delightful fella. Dead set on winning this thing. Welcome to Team Sal. Is that like a name drop? But it was like a mystery name drop. It's a mystery name drop.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
I don't think if he wins, he shouldn't get credit for that.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
It starts with an A with that little dot over it when I'm supposed to follow this.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
Why is that? Why do people not like a new caddy? Everybody gets the sours on a player who has a new caddy. It's like he changed doctors.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
Hey, now I'm going with the shaggy dog, Cam Smith. Taking him right there. Ninth last year. Top ten. Top ten in five of the last seven Masters and never missed a Masters cut, which means he's going to have a nice score on Friday by Friday. And he shaved the mullet. He shaved the mullet. That worries me. Mullet or not, here we come. Welcome to Team South, Dan Smith.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
Dave Chang, you have the last pick.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
Okay, good. Good luck with that. I mean, that might be tougher than actually winning.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
Yeah. You'll get that. People like you, I think.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
What do you want to call it?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
Oh, the Ringer rinse.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
Good times.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
You talked about your shot and your shoulder and your strokes and how you were as a 25-year-old golfer. I really was. You're right. The walking would have been easier if he wasn't in my hair.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
You got to give him a break tomorrow.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
Well, here's the thing. It's hard to keep up with Simmons on the course. You can't keep up with Simmons, so it's going to have to be someone else.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
But he's talking about his golf game and everything, and this would go for 40 minutes, and then we'd get a break from baby. Like, oh, thank God. We don't have to listen to the golf talk. He'd go to the bathroom where he'd go to smoke somewhere, or he'd go to the fucking pro shop for the fourth time in a day, and then he'd keep us waiting for four. So half our day was spent waiting for baby.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
There were a couple, right? It was Cam Smith, who's on my team.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
Because it was a Wake Forest connection. Your daughter went to Wake Forest.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
And he was eating a banana after his tee shot. And what'd you do?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
But he at least might have paused. And then there was a follow up.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
You said, Rory, Rory, baby doll. Yes, I did. That was it. It was just three words.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
And he heard real, he didn't, not only didn't he stop, I think he sped up when he heard baby doll.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
Like, oh, this is my prison cellmate from 750.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
He calls someone's name and they don't respond.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
You picked Rory. The baby doll didn't really trigger him at all. When you've been a little weirded out, you picked Rory. If he was so unfocused that he did come over.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
I don't think there's much to it other than he says baby doll. He calls everyone baby doll. And I thought this was funny. And then so I started calling him baby doll.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
I mean, it's not fair that he gets to call everyone baby doll. We don't call him baby doll back.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
But to me, this is like, I don't know why no one did this. I met him 25 years ago. Someone should have done this 40 years ago.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
This is like wheels on luggage. Like, luggage always should have had wheels, right? Yes. Not 1978, 81, right? I like that. I like that metaphor. Well, that's it. You should have been Baby Doll.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
And why should we believe you?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
You were so proud of that.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
I hate to add context to this, but we're talking about the LPGA and Wake Forest.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
Pretty much everybody else. What is it? Your grandkids, your family, Wake Forest Board, Jon Stewart, and then way, way lower all of those other clients. Okay, I'll go with that. Jimmy's like not way down.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
Yeah. But this Wake Forest thing shot to the top.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
We waited like a half hour for him, right?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
40 minutes later, has to shop even more. Yes, I did.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
Yeah, so then he comes out, and like Chang says, he starts throwing... He gives us all hats. He's like, yeah, take a hat. He spent like $250 on hats.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
bills this happening bills a guy smoking comes up talks to bill says hi and baby doll and i don't know how you said it but you had an extra hat because so many of us had bought hats already 20 minutes before and you throw it at the guy and you're like here you're smoking take a hat yeah have a hat you almost knocked the cigarette yeah and he's like you almost hit me in the head and you're like well you got a fucking free hat yeah what are you complaining about
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
Thank you.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
I think it was like a combination that has an immaculate feel of Disneyland and like Central Park. And there's like you said, I think it's because they're not different events moving in and out. There's no wasted space. Forget about the greens. You turn a corner and you're going to see a shade of green you've never seen before. That's great, too.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
But even the pathways and everything like you're talking about, like it doesn't seem like there's any wasted space. It's all beautiful.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
It helped that we were all talking to each other and making each other laugh. It's like when someone's sick and they're going to vomit, you're like, all right, if you talk to this person enough, they're not going to think about it. I don't have to focus on it.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
Yeah, it's only 3,000 to get in, but then they get, you know, for cheese and Wonder Bread, they charge it out.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
Well, listen, all I'll have to say is, as the great Terry Coon said in White Lotus, I'm happy to have a seat at the table. But I am going to make a mess at that seat with bread and rice and cheese and everything else when I get up.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Denver’s a Mess! Plus, Live at the Masters With the Simmons Crew
I hope I finish last two now. You put it that way.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
And now it's like, I mean, we'll talk about the next game. against Philly, but they're flying home to LA. They don't know if they're going to be able to practice in their facility, depending on the air quality, and then they have to go all the way to Philly. It's going to be interesting to see if they can keep this momentum going.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
Is that a joke or is that accurate? I think you're being serious.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
They don't win a lot of these matchups, right? They don't win the coaching matchup. I don't know. I guess they win the running back. They don't win coach or QB. They lose both of those. QB is going to pass for 148 yards, and he's going to get pushed forward a couple yards here and there. I feel like the defensive intensity for the receivers are not off on the sideline reading Dostoevsky.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
So I don't know. I think it's really tough. This is a tough matchup. And nobody wants them to win. Outdoors.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
And we talk about narratives all the time. Like that NFC championship is going to be funny the way you get golf against Stafford, right? As long as the Eagles are out, I think it's fun.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
You get golf against Stafford or you get Jaden Daniels against Stafford and the LA, you know, the LA team and the nation rooting hard for LA, whatever, you know, against the rookie quarterback who's come from nothing. Um, yeah. So just step aside Eagles.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
Yeah. Well, there's always that. But, you know, Eagle fans tend to hate. You always find a few that are just going to hate you for saying anything about them. Good or bad. That's what it was.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
Well, I'll let my words speak for themselves here. LA at Philly. 3 p.m. Eastern Sunday. I'm going to guess Rams by 42 and a half. So that's my official guess because it doesn't matter. I think I'm going to win this. I have Eagles minus six and a half. All right. You got it. You know what? It was six and a half. It went down to five and a half. But you are closer. Wait, let me see.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
Yes, you are closer. What did you have? 42 and a half. No, I actually, in real life, I would have said like three. I guess they're just counting on this just being too much. Too much of a story for the Rams.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
And those were the three shortest. Underdogs, right? They were all between two and a half and three, right? So, yeah, you wouldn't have even... So our money line parlay still would have hit and that would have been the way to do it.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
Great game plan for six minutes.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
And the AFC is exactly the same as last year, right? These are the same four that advance.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
Yes, yeah. And they're probably going to take two of those three mid-range favorites, five and a half, seven and a half, eight and a half, and put them together. Probably the Saturday games, right? People want to win money Saturday and then go over Sunday. So that's going to be a popular money line parlay, Detroit and Kansas City.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
But as far as Buffalo goes, and I might even end up taking Baltimore, but that is entirely, entirely disrespectful to Bills. They need... Can we get Louis K to step in as their publicist? They need a new publicist. If that freaking team can't lay points at home, I don't care who they're playing. They're damn good. They can't be getting a point and a half.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
Do you think like, I know this is a regular season vote, but we saw Kevin O'Connell like, ah, and you said it now it's going to be a weird coach of the year award.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
He'd already been knocked out of the playoffs. So they were like, here's your, could there be an executive Goodell decision or whoever makes this decision, give the voters their votes back and be like, all right, we're going to give you one more game. Nope. You wouldn't do it. It's a regular season award. I know. But if one of them throws four interceptions this game.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
That's true. How did he get it done? Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
Well, that's a freaking, that's a great division aside from what the Bears put forth. And they won 14 games. It's hard to get around that. I don't understand it.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
I don't know. I feel burned. You know why? Because we go on the podcast, and it's not fun to just keep telling people, all right, just be careful with this guy. It's not fun.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
Right. I know. And so, grander scale, probably just should take the Chiefs the rest of the way. But, yeah, Sam Darnold is 27. We saw what he looked like at 22, 23, 24, 25, and 26, but we probably should have stayed with that.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
Yeah. They, you know, there's just not going to be any negotiations. They parted ways. Yeah. I'm in the middle. I know you tried to get me to hate McCarthy, but very few wanted him to come back. Very many wanted him to be gone. I was somewhere in the middle. I appreciated that he won 12 games three years in a row. That's pretty great. I feel like it's like getting a new iPhone.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
The one you have is old and shitty, and it's got a crack in the front, and you have to charge it every three hours, but you're also a little worried about the new one. Right? Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
Are my apps going to transfer? Is my email going to sync up? I don't like what they did with the photo albums.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
Yeah. And so if the photo album is going to feature freaking Deion Sanders... I got to be honest. I might be out. I may have to tap out on this team for a little bit. Oh, stop it.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
I don't like it.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
I need a break from the clown show. Give me Ben Johnson, Aaron Glenn, Tomlin, Zimmer, Flores. I don't care, any of them. Dion comes in, and first of all, he sucks. He really does. I've watched college. His clock management sucks. scheming as bad as anybody else's, right? And he was 13 and 11 as a coach for Colorado. I'm not even going to count Jackson F in state.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
You and I could go six and six coaching with good assistance. 13 and 11. We're going to sign this guy and pay him $8 million. I'm psyched I can go six and six. That's great. Congratulations. A lot of video game experience.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
He doesn't. He doesn't buy guys out. Is Jared Jones cheap? He doesn't pay out. With the coaches, he doesn't. He doesn't pay out. First of all, in the real world, everybody would be fine with this. People should be able to play out their contract, and that's it. You don't have to give everybody an extension two years before.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
Belichick and Brable were the two best guys, and he missed out on both of them. Everybody's saying Belichick might have listened. He might not have taken that job. Maybe he'll even turn that job down, even though he has it in North Carolina.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
But I feel like no matter what, whenever they announce the head coach, my reaction, this is going to be minus 2,000, that my reaction is going to be, eh, that's going to be it. No matter who they name, unless it's Dion, it's going to be a lot more vitriol than that. But it's going to be a Ron Rivera type, isn't it? Well, worst case scenario is Jason Garrett.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
And if this blows up in my face, it'll be it. I pray you're right. Because it's, it's like I said, I don't know. Is this a shit show or a clown show? Let's maybe make a poll. Let's put it out there.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
Well, coming from who? Like Belichick, I don't think that's a crazy move from him. I would expect anything from him at this point. I think it's kind of shitty. Yeah. He stabbed the Jets in the back, what was that, in 2000? It wouldn't be good to do to Lombardi. You would have to bring Lombardi back. You'd have to put him on a podcast with Van Latham or something.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
I don't know what you would have to do.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
But I don't think anything's worse than the Dion thing. I'm sorry. So would they have to get Shador too? What do they do? They trade... They trade to the Titans. Does Dak go to the Titans and then more picks? And then they get Shador? This could be a complete disaster.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
Ben Johnson, do anything for you? I'd be out of the content. I'd be out of the content business. So it wouldn't be good for content. I mean, for me, it wouldn't. I'd be out. Ben Johnson does nothing for you? No, it's fine. That's good. Someone like that could deserve it, right? I think Aaron Glenn, right? Flores.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
I've heard that too. And, you know, Kellen Moore. He played there. There's some decent names. Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
How about no coach? How about no coach? Like, Jerry, there's no GM. Why not try no coach? See what happens there.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
Maybe he doesn't care.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
You were right. I have to hand it to Jerry when he does something good. That was phenomenal. The crying, whatever, the fake crying, really good acting. Does it make like older, like does Sir Anthony Hopkins look at that and be like, you son of a bitch. You're making a mockery of our business, our craft.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
Pete Carroll they talk about.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
I'm really okay with anyone but the Clapper or Deion Sanders.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
I'm ready to be somewhat disappointed either way, but it starts with those two at the top. Not that he's being considered Jason Garrett. I mean, Jason Witten is actually, his name has been thrown out there. It's actually up there. If there are some, you could look at odds some places. He's like third. Really? Yeah. Was Aikman in any of the odds or no? I didn't see Aikman, no.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
He's happy being upset in the booth.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
Daniel and Jerry drinking buddies. No practice today! Come here, girls. Look what the cheerleaders brought you guys. Isn't this nice? They made brownies.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
We just have to get off this Dion thing. And I think he made a statement today. And so I think you're right. They might be playing each other against. But he said, Colorado's my home. Whatever. These guys are all liars anyway. But he said he couldn't leave.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
The whole division won me over, the NFC North. I went into this, I'm like, I'm going to key on this NFC North. The Packers are going to be good. The Vikings are going to go far or as far as they can before they run into another team. And now it's looking like the SEC a little bit for you college fans out there. And yeah, I'm with you. The Rams came out fighting, proud of this team.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
They brought their A game. McVay had them together, right mindset. But moved them, basically, it felt like the game was in Minneapolis. Like, you know, they went to the sideline reporter and she's like, yeah, a lot of Vikings fans. I'm like, well, that doesn't seem fair. But they did a great job. But yeah, you're right. Like, you and I were like, signed Sam Darnold easy two weeks ago, right?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
I feel bad flip-flopping so much. But Jesus, what the hell is going on in the last 10 days? It's not a flip-flop.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
Wow, that seems like it was just, now that you brought that up, that really seems like it was not long ago. That's crazy. Well, because it wasn't.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
Yeah, this was supposed to be a rebuilding year, at least for the Rams defense. You're right. And then you get Jared Verse and Kobe Turner plays out of his mind the second year and Kobe Durant tonight. Anyone named Kobe. All the Kobes. All the Kobes. And it makes you think, was Aaron Donald ever good? Big legacy hit for him. Should he go to the Hall of Fame now? Aaron Donald. Sam Darnold, maybe.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
The guy's hemorrhaging money every time he drops back to pass. I know. Could he have opted out of the playoff game? Not just his contract money, our money, because we had them on teasers, the Vikings and everything. But I guess that's what we get, I guess. I don't know. But as far as signing him again, we have to say no now, right? If you're the Vikings. Both.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
100%.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
And we're going to kill Sam Darnold, and we already have, and we'll probably do another 10 minutes doing so. But, yeah, I think he was sacked nine times. He was sacked six times in the first half. And, like, the next-gen stats can kind of now tell you which sacks are the quarterback's fault.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
I think, like, five or six of them were his fault because anything over, like, four seconds is the quarterback's fault.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
It made me confused about round two. It made me confused about which quarterbacks are good. The Herbert thing you brought up and like what Minnesota. This is good for the fans, though, right? This kind of opens things up. That would have been boring if the Vikings just re-signed Sam Donald, gave him a big number. But they're like top seven in cap space overall. I think like $100 million.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
They took their medicine with a dead cap with Cousins and Danell Hunter, I think, this year. But I think they have like $160 million free, and they have to start McCarthy now. But yeah, you're right. Going forward, I don't know what it means for any of these teams.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
Yes, they can do that. It would just be for a big salary. How much is that, then? Is that $40 million? No, it's not worth it now. It's definitely not worth it.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
Well, let's see. How much did you and I lose on that Vikings adjusted? I mean, I guess he's the biggest loser.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
I like that.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
I just don't know. One way to look at it is, we're not going to do better than 14 wins, right? I think he can get us to 14 wins, but it's just this whole January thing that seems to be a mess. The other way to look at it is, let's see what we did with this McCarthy with our first round pick. Let's see what we got out of him.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
Yeah, this is bad. It's shocking. It's tough. And the coaching, they got outcoached too. Like the guy who's going to win coach of the year, Kevin O'Connell, got outcoached. It didn't take a lot. I would have liked to have seen them call that Stafford play differently. I know you and I having money on the Vikings would have also.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
But with that forward pass thing, the thing that was returned for a touchdown, they called it a fumble initially. And then they said Stafford. I think you have to do a little more than pretend you're sprinkling salt on eggs. Your hand's got to go a little more forward than that.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
Never could get Jefferson going. Let's see a one-on-one play to Jefferson. Addison drops everything thrown his way. It gets ridiculous. And again, at least half those sacks were Darnold's fault.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Vikings Get Rammed, Dallas’s Next Coach, and Bad NFL Owner Habits With Cousin Sal and Peter Schrager
Right. Buck, even Joe Buck and Aikman were like, does this team know they're down 18 when they're running on second and sixth quarter? Yeah. What are you guys doing? Very strange. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. McVay, McVay is a gigantic winner. And so LA football fans too. I mean, really just to get this team ready, bringing their pets out and their family and bringing them out over there.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Yeah, let's try to remember to add up the over-under wins to determine who's the best division. So, yeah, we'll see. This could have the most.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
It's 11 and a half. Okay, we got it. We split it. And 1-10 too.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
They were 11 last year and they won 12 games. So it kind of, that's a nice settling spot for them.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
You know, it's weird with it. They didn't. So yesterday, Russ signs with the Giants and Fandles like, all right, so Rogers is the only missing piece at this point and probably to the Steelers. We don't give a shit. We can't wait. We can't wait. We're not going to move at a tick if he signs with Pittsburgh or not. I mean, what do they have? They have Rudolph and they have Skylar Thompson.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
They should go for it. Go for it with those two. That'll be fun.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
I don't like this team.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Yeah, I don't know. This is a tough schedule. I think everybody knows how to beat the Steelers now. You need 17 points. Go get it.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Oh, wow. All right. I went 10 and a half. I think they juiced this up because any fantasy player is not really paying attention to how bad their offensive line might be. Wants to bet the over and the Bengals. And it was 10 and a half last year. What is it? It is 10 and a half.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
What the hell? Here we go. This is your new favorite game. This is it. This counts as four. Four weeks, I think.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
I'm with you. I'm as right about the Bengals as I am as wrong about the Browns. And I feel like betting them to win 11. So it's going to be a tough schedule. They always get off to a slow start. I said they lost Alex Kappa and Trent Brown. So it could be one of those years where Burrow's running for his life. So I don't love them with 11 wins.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
I love what you said. What'd you say? That was the funniest trade ever.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
That was a DTR pick.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
I went five and a half. You know, I said five and a half, too. I'm regretting this. I think it could be even lower. They're miserable.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
This is a weird year with the quarterbacks. It really is. There might be actually too many quarterbacks versus teams that are going to take quarterbacks in the first round. I know I'll be wrong because everybody takes quarterbacks early, but Are the Browns and Titans definitely taking a quarterback? Or the Giants?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
I thought I'd go for some of those. I put money on Dart and Sanders just thinking maybe someone does something really stupid here. Because I don't feel like we've heard a lot about... I know Warren's getting a little bit buzzed, but not to Warren minus 1,200.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Bangs his shoulder on the fridge, separates it, much like Abdul Carter. Hey, come on.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
I think that's fine. I think that's fine. They play themselves, so that's what's good.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Well, you know what I'm also looking at? So let's add that up. 33 wins for the AFC East and 35 for the AFC North.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Is it 9.5? It can't be 10.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
They're a weird team, right?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Yeah. They should mow through this division. And how confident were we in C.J. Stroud last year? And then we didn't get that confidence back until the first round of the playoffs. So it's strange. They signed a lot of one-year players. Cam Robinson, Danell Hunter, Trent Brown. We'll see what happens.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
I want to have a strong opinion about Jones. I'm not there yet, but I feel like I have no reason to support him, but maybe that was as disastrous a situation as you could come from. Going to New York Giants. Giants, torn ACL Giants.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
And now coming to the Colts? Maybe. Maybe that's a good deal. Oh, sounds like you like it. I have seven and a half. What'd you have? We're on par here. Seven and a half for me, too.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
You're not excited about the Ami Brown?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Did I go too high with seven and a half? I just feel like all these teams are the same.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Seven and a half. Whoa. God, you're killing me.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Hit the cash out button.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Bad division. Bad owner, though, too. That's why you can't ever take them. It doesn't ever seem to work out for them. Injuries or anything. But I thought they were about the same as the Colts. I mean, they shouldn't be that much less than the Colts.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
I don't like it either, but it all ends up being like, they come up with a number of how many games they'll be favored in, right? And so that's probably it. Playing that garbage division, they'll be favored in every home game, and they'll be favored against a couple NFC West teams.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
No. And I don't know why I put this at five and a half. I think I regret that because they could make it nice and easy. And well, I don't want to sway you, but did you go low?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
This is a spectacular day, a new day in our calendar. Hopefully we can keep doing this. I've been sick all week. I was in Vegas. I come back from Vegas. I'm sick every time now. It's like people come back with syphilis. I just have a cold. It doesn't help being next to nephew Kyle who fires up like 37 lung darts in 18 hours. It kills my throat. But anyway, I got some pep in my step.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
This is my new thing. This is my jam. Let's just keep doing this every week.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
No, I'm still having nightmares of that game one. I bet against Caleb Williams, who was supposed to be the rookie. I bet Will Levis had a giant lead on the Bears. And then Will Levis is throwing passes from his ass. Right. Staring at pick sixes.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
He threw the game. If we were to write down three games that players threw, quote, whatever. I know, Fandle, we're not getting in trouble. That felt like what it would have looked like if somebody actually... Yeah, I see what you're saying.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
That's fair. So just to recap, East, 33 wins. North, 35. South, 30.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
I think one of the teams has both Souths. I think that's in the NFC, but one of the divisions.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
That's what I did. And I wonder if it's even light. Tell me what it is.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
That's wrong. That's very weird.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Well, just to bet Chiefs at 6-1, bet Mahomes at 6-1. Just do all of them. Well, first of all, everything you say, they go through it. They had 15 freaking wins last year. Every year, they have a first-place schedule. Every year, they possibly play the first Thursday night game. Every year, they're going to play on Christmas. Every year, they're going to have six primetime games. Right.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
They end up with 13, 14, 15 wins. How do you make this 11 and a half? They won the division by four games last year. All right, the Chargers might be a little better. Raiders a tiny bit better. Is Denver going to be better? I'm all in on over 11 and a half. That is embarrassing. That's board material.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
I mean, I'm not going to. It's just so it should be out there for everybody.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Yeah, the KCD, like a CD, like a savings. But yeah, that's right. You're not going to wait seven or eight years to cash in on those. Thank you.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
This is one of the five. If they should do this, Vandal should release the win total over-unders. the last Thursday in March, this would be one of the five best non-football sports days of the year. I mean, between March Madness, the four Sweet 16 games, opening day baseball, and preseason over-under win totals? Are you kidding me? This is great.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Thank you. Thank you.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Thank you. Thank you.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
joker in the miami open i have to wake up and bet soccer and now there's like you have to have like nine streaming services to have the the all the soccer capabilities for the world to worldwide gamble on it but um yeah that's basically it just nonsensical soccer in the morning Like what country? What region of the world are we in? All of them. All of them.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Yes. Is Greenland a country or do they belong to us now? I don't know. I bet them all.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Our cherished 51st state. Yes. Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
But I'm the other way. I'm like, why even keep table around? Cause you're not going to win with this team. And this is going to be his last year, right? This, this Russell Wilson thing. And I mean, they're a mess. They offer Darius Slayton more money than they did. Saquon.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
I'm going to say five. I don't even know why, but okay.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Yeah, that's a disaster. What's the division odds?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Is there like a future bet there? Who's favored? Make no mistake. Stephen A. would swing at him. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
NFC North. So the NFC East 34 wins. AFC East 33. I don't know about that.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Can I tell a quick story being in Vegas? So I bet the Giants have the worst record in the league last year. And they were three and 14, right? But it tied with three other teams. So it's a four-way split. So I go to cash this. I don't have to say what casino this is, but I go to cash it in. So I should, you know, I was about to win $1,300. So if you split it four ways, I went 300 and changed.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
So I presented to the counter. It's a miracle I'm cashing a futures ticket from last year. Right. And the guy's like, nope, this is a loser. I was like, well, how is this a loser? I pull up on my phone. There's four teams with three wins. Then he brings this guy over. Couldn't have been older than 19 years old. He's got this thing that resembles a phone that he's looking into.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
The Giants lose on a tiebreaker to the Browns, and he lists six tiebreaking scenarios, and they lost on the sixth tie. I was like, wait a minute. Isn't this dead heat rules? And I was like, no, we don't do Teddy, sir. This is how we do it. And you lost on the sixth tiebreaker. I'm like, all right. I don't even know what you're looking into, by the way.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
You could be, you know, you could be, I'm not sure what you could be, but, and I hate when they're indignant about it. Like, um,
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Like TSA is like when you fly from and they're like, you have to take your laptop out. Like, all right, well, I just flew in from Fort Worth and I didn't have to. And they're like, they're so dickish about it. But anyway, I lost because of the six tiebreaker. That feels like fraud. I know. It's like all this rooting I did for nothing.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
I'm sorry. That's wrong. This team had the year from hell injury-wise. You're not going to find a worse example of a team that was plagued with injuries, and they won 15 games, and now you're taking four and a half games off their total? They can get their whole defense back. I know the division's tough.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Four and a half wins differential?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
I like the over. I'm saying I like the over. Why is that four and a half different? Like, Minnesota's not going to win 14 games. So they'll, right? I don't even know that the division's better.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Dan Campbell bit all the kneecaps off. There's none left.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
I went 8.5. I think this is an impossible one to pick. I think nine and eight would be good for them.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
I did it. You're going to have to pull me in 10.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
I think that's just right for them.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
I went nine only because it was nine last year, right? Like, wasn't that weird? Remember we were betting them not to make the playoff. Do we bet them under nine or do we bet them not to make the playoffs? I feel like they're in love with the bears. The fans are in love with the bears. I know they fix that offensive line. I have nine.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
So 19 and 18. So that's 37 wins. Is that the most?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
I'll keep this going as long as you want. I don't know that LeBron's more. Stephen A. could be our next president. I don't know who's more famous.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Oh, really? Oh, I don't think you can make any of these teams over eight and a half. That's what I did. And you were correct. Eight and a half. This is embarrassing for you.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
I mean, this could be just a giant Bill Simmons meme for 90 minutes. This is great.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Can't do it. No South. No South talk until week 12.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Little whiz of weird offseason already. I just went 8. Okay.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
I mean, that's just so much is up in the air with his cousins and they lose their center.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
I think I've dropped by five wins. This doesn't matter. You pick the winners 27 times. I'm just picking the number. I don't know what the hell to do. I don't know what to do with the number.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Yeah. Brandon Cooks, Jawan Johnson, same old names.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
I went round number because I couldn't think about it too much.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
I sent you all the numbers from last year. You could have noticed that there weren't halves on several of them.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Probably divisions. I mean, I would really like to do 15 minutes on Jokic's no look pass and another 20 on whether Steph's tunnel shot went in. But okay, if you want to get right into it, it's fine.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Yeah. Yeah. He's going to be a cowboy.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
By the way, that was nuts. We don't think about that enough, that Andy Dalton was totally content to bring them to another three and 14 year.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
He gets in that car accident. You should see if you're covered. Your auto insurance covers that bet. Do you have to pay the deductible?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
What are we doing? Come on. I don't agree with that at all. Why are they better than five ones last year? Holy moly. Where do they pick up this extra two games? Divisions.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
We may have to do that. But no South talk. Hey, what was your bet last year for the South? They'd have fewer than how many wins?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Yeah. They're old. They're messy. They came out with a great start last year. They were 2-0, scored like 100 points, and then they were the Saints.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Oh, wow. I went nine. So let's see. I know you don't like the round numbers.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
He needs to apologize. I was saying that he's no longer a first ballot Hall of Famer. I mean, he now drops to two or three. But I thought my favorite thing about it is typical NBA fashion. It took three days to review. Like, why didn't we get that second angle an hour later? Mark Davis is still at the monitor.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
No. After the Super Bowl, I picked my way too early team, odds-wise, value-wise. The Rams were 20-1. I was like, wow, that's pretty good. They were a couple plays away from beating the champion Eagles. And then they did a smart thing, signed Stafford. Awesome. I think Devontae Adams has juice left.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Yeah. Yeah, it's good. They're in good shape, I think. Nine and a half is a nice number, too.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
I said seven and a half.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Really? Yeah. Really? You won one?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
I don't like these moves. These could go very badly with Sam Darnold and Cooper Cupps.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Arizona's 8-9. No Geno, no Metcalf.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Maybe you'll beat me here.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
I'm going to let you win these last couple.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Oh, wow. I had eight and a half.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
That's too high. That's way, way high.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
What am I missing? You know, you read enough about them. It's like, yeah, these were good moves. These were good cuts. Debo Samuel, all these cuts, everything they did. Greenlaw. I don't know. I don't.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Wait, so they're favored to win the division?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Yeah. That's atrocious. That's not good. That's not good. We got to go under there.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
That's the way to go. Yeah, I don't know why.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
That was a good time. And they have Mac Jones, though. Did you mention that? They did sign him for two years.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
So the Niners are probably like seventh best to win the Super Bowl?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
I missed the whole off season. I really do. I was there for the whole off season.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Yeah, they were riding high off the purdy, not having to pay him. Now it's, I got to look into that. We're missing something. Let's do a quick parent corner before we go. All right. My son Archie's home on spring break. They do quarters. So he gets home and I say, how are your grades?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
And he kind of like half-asses a response and everything and immediately shifts gears and tells me he's on season four of The Sopranos. And I was like, oh, that's great. That's better. You could have told me you're... You're mafia cum laude right now. I mean, that's all I care about. That's what college should be all about, right?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Spend tens of thousands of dollars a semester to catch up on classic TV shows in your dorm. That's like reading a great novel. Yeah, it really is. So I was like, well, sorry. So you're in season four. You got like a season and a half. I was like, I want to watch the finale with you. And he's like, oh, I don't know. Once I get going, I really, I don't know.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Am I really going to be able to stop short and not watch the finale for like a month? I'm like, no, I want to watch with you. And it's like, he's like, all right, I'll try. But it made me think like if you had to watch a finale with your kids who are viewing for the first time, which ones would you put up there? Sopranos. Only Sopranos. Anything else? Breaking Bad or not as much?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
I'm still mad that you're not mad about it. I really do. Yeah, now I think it's great.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
You liked it right away. You did.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
It's nonsensical. I guess no one hated it as much as I did. But I had a terrible reaction to it. I didn't want to be friends with anyone who liked it. I like that as such a cheap way to go out. But the answer is he left it open-ended because he's a movie maker. He wanted to maybe make a movie. What? That's the only answer. So he didn't die. This is dumb.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
I think that's fair. We should also say, we may have some leans here, but these aren't our official picks. You don't want to tarnish your, what were you, 27-5 last year?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Right. We didn't have WhatsApp and anything else like that too. So it wasn't as easy.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
No, we're still missing two key components. We haven't seen the draft, obviously, and we don't know the schedule. We know who everybody plays. We don't know rest advantage. We don't know who has three road games in a row and stuff like that.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Nope, nothing. I think the big news is who the hell knew that Ben Simmons played the upright bass after all these years on an international level. This is great.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
I don't know. Who could figure that out? I bet on them in soccer. I have a bunch of Portuguese soccer players.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
You just reminded me. There you go.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Nah, dude. Nah, they'll come around. I think you need to hold the rewatchables at the place where she's going out. That's what you have to figure out. Maybe go to the bar.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Mercy rule. I went Soto over 33 and a half home runs. And what was my other one I had? I have Texas Rangers to make the playoffs. Oh, I like it. Yeah, I think you're good. And I had Mad Dog Russo on Cousin Sal's winning weekend. You can see it Friday on Sandal TV. And by the way, I'll send you the clip. I was like, Simmons and I do this podcast for the last 15 years.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
We've closed it with Good Job by You. We stole it from you. I said, can you give me a good job by you? And he's like, well, first of all, you tell Bill, I watched three episodes of the Celtics documentary and it is dynamite. I mean, you got him and his father and they're talking and Koozie and Russell. And then he went through all that. I'm like, all right, I'll tell him.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
And then he gave me a good job by you. Like I thought he was going into convulsions. Like it was great. I'll send it to you.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
I'm doing all right. I mean, you can't. It's hard to lose when it's all chalk. I mean, I know you hate it. Are you doing three favorite parlays? I get irrationally angry at how much you, your irrational.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
I know. Yeah, I know.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Oh my God. It's busted. Oh, It's dumb, but it's still guys coming to Vegas. By the way, it's not like 20 years ago. They charge like 500 bucks to get into Caesars. Anyway, you want to see it anywhere. It's 400. Like, ask Kyle. It's 400 or more. Oh, my God.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
It's a lot of fun.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
I said 12. And again, I'm looking at these for the first time. You can't say 12.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
No, no, no. Half of them were regular square numbers. Oh, really? Oh, I didn't even know we were doing that. Okay. Yeah, I wrote down the last years. You were right, though, of course. So the cheating right off the top.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
So they went, they had 13 wins last year and it's 11 and a half. And that's to say that the division got better or you just can't make them 12?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
I think they're fine. I think what they have out of Bosa is good. They just need basically that.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
That's good. I mean, he's definitely going to miss time, but they extended, uh, Allen, which is, which is great. I mean, we don't 11 and a half, 12 is fine. So you get it.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Yeah. Yeah, about half of mine. No, I got more halves, but... Yeah, I have nine.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
I might be low last year.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Eight and a half. So I get it.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Well, that eight last year.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
Go ahead. You do it. You start. I'll jump in.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
You're going to tell me Zach Wilson is going to step in there and do the job? I'm not buying it. I'm not buying it for sure.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
That's a discussion for a different day.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
I get this. I said six. And did you see it? It is five and a half. Yeah. Wow. Amazing. It was nine and a half with Rodgers. It's five and a half with Justin Fields. They went way too high on Rodgers, which we know. But five and a half. What a slap in the effing Empire State Building face.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
I haven't seen. All right. So how many games will they be favored in? One in their division?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
None of the AFC North games, probably. No. A couple of the NFC South.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
This could be 10 and a half and you're going over. I don't know what it is.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
That's fine. That's fair.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
And I know you're... I'm not influential with this. You're over the moon about Stefan Diggs. You got your way there.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
You're not going to be in a spot where you're going to want to lose that last game, right? Which is where you were, which when we typically go over some of these teams over-unders, you have to factor that in. And no, I think you could be an 8-9 team. You should be happy with 8-9 and Drake May's second year.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
You need to watch the NFL Denver type situation, right? I think your situation is even closer to Denver, even though it's, I know Nick's was a rookie coming in, but older, whatever. Yeah. I think that's kind of what you have to do. Sneak up there.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Guess the 2025 NFL Over/Under Win Totals With Cousin Sal
I mean, you already sold the nine-part documentary for the 2025 Patriots. So, I mean, good job by you, I guess.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
They are a bizarre team. I mean, it was four weeks ago, they scored 44 against Buffalo. And then the next three weeks, they scored 44 combined. And Cooper Cup just- Feels like they ran out of gas. Cup commits mass murder on fantasy owners all over the nation. Like, so, yeah, I think they did kind of run out of gas. I don't know, McVay, that was some questionable calls by him, but you're right.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Like, Kyler just, he did his thing. He got too excited. He's now 13 and 29 straight up. In November, December games and one in 17 in a division. Jesus.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Oh, yeah, because they have the win now, right? They're the same record. All right. So who's going to try?
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Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
And you're going to have a 13-win team as a wild card. I don't think it's ever happened before, right? Oof.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
So now we know now that I guess they have something to play for with the six seed, five seed. But really, compared to Minnesota, they didn't have as much to play for, right? And Minnesota's fighting for the one seed. They have the better record. They were a one and a half point favorite when we did Guess the Lines. Then it moved to Green Bay, like you said, as favorite. Then Minnesota settled in.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
I'm like, I'm staying away. They gave us six free Moneyline wins going into Sunday, which was insane. But why is everybody taking the Packers here? I can't do a lap because they won by two points, but I think they did It was perfect what they did, because I think all these NFC North teams are able to catch up. They're eventually going to get to 25, 28, 30 points.
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Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
But the defense played great for three quarters. They really did. Like Flores had them, like Cashman, Shaq Griffin, Van Ginkle. They're all locked in step. And KOC did a great job with 220 left, bleeding the clock. We'll talk about it. He did it better than anybody's done it, really.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Yeah, I agree. Yeah. And they pressured him the whole game and Green Bay couldn't really pressure Darnold. Right. No, that seemed like the difference. The one thing I'll say is I wonder if Watson really makes a big difference for this offense. I think he does. Yeah. Like him not being there. I don't know. It's some nice spots in there.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Jaden Reed's a fun player, but he'll disappear for like quarters at a time. Right. Yeah. I mean, he had a one reception five yard game a couple of weeks ago and today it took him a while to get going.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Sam Darnold doesn't seem like he's going to blow a game. The coach doesn't seem like he's going to blow a game. The defense seems like it's going to play good enough for long enough. I don't think like going forward, are they going to be an underdog at any point by more than two points or three points? I don't think you can make it. Who would be on Detroit? No. No, no way.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
I don't think it's fluky at this point. I think we can move on to the next argument with, oh, J.J. McCarthy, keep him or trade him. This guy, you're not going to have results like Sam Arnold put out there. It just feels different from the team two, three years ago, whatever it was, where Cousins won every game by one score. It's just something about it.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Like, yeah, this guy fits in this offense and it's going to work for a little bit.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Wait, say that again? You would do what? Chicken shit?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Yeah, I think so too. It's really tough. That coach just showed me so much. When two minutes, 20 seconds, Green Bay has three timeouts. Almost anybody just runs it into the line three times and you have to treat it like you're losing the game at that point. That's exactly what he did. The next four plays, three of them were throws and none really like to Jefferson or Addison or like Hawkinson.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Like it was like all just like nice plays, but they made it nice and easy and Darnold's just so comfortable in that situation.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
I just love that. I just love when teams do that. Bill, you know, there's only one Lamar Jackson, but there's another one here with Michael Pennington, maybe even a third one with Jaden Daniels. And the referees are Lamar Jackson. Everyone's Lamar Jackson.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Well, the best part is there's teams like the Giants dropping out of the top two quarterback slot, right? Yeah, can't wait to talk about that. Who may have to trade up to get like a J.J. McCarthy now.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Yeah, so obviously they put all these games together. Chiefs, Broncos, Chargers, Raiders, Dolphins, Jets. Yeah. Those are the late afternoon games. Yeah. So I think you're right. I have no idea with Tua. You and I were like, what the hell's going on, JJ? John's a big Dolphins fan. Give us a heads up about Tua. We don't find out until Thursday. He may not play again.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
So you might end up with a garbage match like that. But it was so fun watching Tyrod being better than A-Rod. Really, really great. Unbelievable stuff.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Miami is... Let me read a couple of Rodgers things. First of all, he goes in there. He's supposed to go for his 500 touchdown pass. I'm like, oh, this is going to suck. Not that they'd stop the game in Buffalo, but... He's going to get 500. Devontae Adams is like, I'm playing. I want to be there. I want to catch the 500. I'm like, shit. Instead, he sets the sack record.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
He's the most sacked quarterback of all time. And my favorite of all, it was early in the first quarter, maybe middle of first quarter, third and one, driving right to left. He rolls right. And he's got nothing but daylight. And Romo even is like, run it. And Romo doesn't do that. He does a lot of what people might think are annoying things. But he definitely blurted it out when he didn't mean to.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Yeah, I was all... Well, first of all, I have too much shit going on, right? I had the under 24 and a half, but I also have Tampa Bay to win the South. So I'm rooting against Atlanta, but rooting for Atlanta to stop Washington and rooting for Raheem Morris to get his brain out of his ass. Those skip timeouts, it's just...
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
He had 15 yards of daylight. Too scared or whatever to take off. He fires the ball at his receiver's shins and then yells at the receiver. The receiver's like, oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't paying attention. Me and the other receivers are watching. Thought you'd walk the ball into the end zone here. Yeah. A 1.2 QBR today, the lowest QBR in a game since Davis Mills, 0.8 in 2021.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Good job by you, Aaron Rodgers.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
We were enamored with the Clogger for a minute. And then that went to shit, ironically.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Well, let's think about this. Wouldn't they want Cincinnati to play Buffalo? No. I mean, I think they want Buffalo out, right? They're not going to put both those teams.
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Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Yeah, I think so. You're not going against Cincinnati in the first round, so you're going against one of those two teams. I think they'll slap Cincinnati around if they have to go to Arrowhead. I mean, that's a flawed team. We like rooting for them. I think you could have it both ways, like we said. We could talk about how bad they are,
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Now they can't get out of their own way and also not want to meet them in the first round.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Of course you want 22 seconds with one timeout is better than seven seconds and two timeouts. And then he takes one before. And then, like, you have a tired defense, except for one drive. They were on the field the entire second half. Start calling your timeouts then, too. Like, get them a little fresh so that Jayden Daniels isn't running for seven yards. But, yeah, it was congratulations.
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Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
No, I don't know. I was a little confused, right? But I think people wanted him to go for the two-point conversion at the end of regulation. Well, he needed the tie, right? Yeah, so they needed the tie as good as a win.
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Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
And also, Bengals kicker sucks. He was probably factoring that in that too. And Chase Brown got hurt. And Chase Brown got hurt. And also, they went three and out Cincinnati. So they had the ball, Denver, with a chance to win with a field goal.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
I mean, I felt the same. It was a very similar game to tonight's, right? Like, you know, B. John Robinson could have run the ball and they could have done that. And I thought it was like one of the luckiest covers of 2024. Maybe tonight changed that. But, I don't know. Cincinnati's a weird team. Burrow's great. And like you said, they have that pitch and catch thing going for seven yards.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Higgins is going to get Juan Soto money next year. Good for him.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
There you go.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
It's dead money. Yeah, that's a waste. I think it's got to be Josh. I think it's fair to say, all right, whoever gets the seed, the two seed, it could be the, I mean, it can't be Mahomes. His numbers don't support it, right? So it's got to be the Josh Allen or Lamar Jackson and give it to whoever has a two seed at this point.
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Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
I don't really know. Does that just crack your brain when you hear, like, Josh Allen broke Thurman Thomas' record for, like, the Bills' touchdown rushes? Like, for someone who watched football and loved it and got in college in the 90s, like, what the f... Really? He really did already? Like, that's spectacular.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
We have a lot of Washington fans and friends in our club here. But I don't know. A weird win.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
We don't need your help. No, it's a good question, but I think here's what matters more. They beat the 1C, right? Baltimore didn't. They were a total away from beating the 1C. They have the only KC win. Yeah, they have more wins, and they beat the 1C. And you're not giving it to Mahomes.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Easily, right?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Oh, he's gone.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
He said Barkley, right? Did you mention Barkley?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Oh, I see.
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Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
He had Lamar Jackson. Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Yeah, it's off topic, but I did see 50% of all leagues that had teams that had Barkley made the finals, at least. I did see some kind of ESPN stat, but that's Barkley. I know you're talking quarterbacks here. You're going to bid for, how much will you bid? So I know now.
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Forget that. I'm looking for him for... Well, they don't have him, but he should maybe win MVP. I mean, that junk squad of quarterbacks have been thrown to him. He's setting records. He's made Aiden O'Connell look like a possible keeper.
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Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
No?
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Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Nobody's going to care. Nobody's going to care.
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Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Nobody's going to care. Go ahead.
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Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
All right. I mean, it's not like great. If you have your quarterback or you, well, you're not out on may, right? You, you have your quarterback. So now you're going to trade it and you're going to get, you'll get something. I don't know. I feel like I say good for the giants. I really do. Like, I don't, I don't love the tanking talk. I think it's a bad word. It should only be used for the NBA.
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This is one of the reasons, many reasons that NFL is infinitely better. But like, you know, half these guys are playing hard because they don't know if they're going to be on the team next year. Like Malik Neighbors is the only one safe. And Drew Locke gave him probably his best game of the year so far. So good for the Giants. Earn your paycheck.
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I think he's going to send poison noodles over to Dan Quinn or something. I don't know what he's capable of.
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I know it's easy to burn down the fledgling local tavern and collect on the insurance, but guys out there trying. I'd go for that every time.
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I'm not saying like the GMs, the front office and the players are on a different wavelength, I think, right? Like it's not like that in any other sport. And I think it's because of what I said, like half these guys aren't going to be Giants next year. So they're just like trying to put together, you know, you think Tracy Jr. is definitely going to be resigned by the Giants?
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Like, no, I'm going to try their asses off.
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Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
I just don't like to lose and going crazy for the one pick. It's stinking thinking, Simmons, is what it is.
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Did he get an extension? Because that's the key. That's the tell-all that he's going to get fired if he got an extension.
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Yeah, I guess you're right. Yeah, this is second. I'm thinking of someone else. Yeah, it might be the case that there just aren't enough new good coaches out there. He might have been on the bubble and saved himself. But yeah, you're right. They're pitiful.
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I mean, I think he gets to pick a spot. So if you were him, where do you go? I mean, he could probably coach at UNC now and steal that job from Belichick if he wants.
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Yeah, that's a thing.
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Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Well, if I'm him, I think you stay out of the NFC North. That's a disaster when you have 13 win teams making the... It's a great point.
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Yeah, it's too long. So it's not a sexy team, and you can't be happy with Anthony Richardson at this point, but I think you'd stay in any AFC South job that you can get. I mean, the bad divisions are still the bad divisions.
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Yeah, somewhere like that.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
I'm with you. So get the ringer people to plug it.
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Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Make a freaking billboard outside your house. You got my do it. It's fun. 25 and five. We did great on the other futures, right? Yeah. You beat me in that. Yeah.
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All those hits. So maybe we should tell people what to stay away from because we hit the mother load if the Lions get the one seed. And I specifically do because I got 26 to one on Chiefs-Lions one seed. And so we, again, after how many years, still don't know how to hedge this. We got five to one odds, right?
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That doesn't sound like a quarterback name.
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Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
You deserve what you get if you're drafting a Rusty Lish. I mean, that's not a quarterback. Collinsworth would have trouble with that one.
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Rusty Lish or Pash Rush. Pash or Rush. Yeah. Yeah, the DTR, did he seem right to you? I felt like something was off. No, he seemed hurt. And I don't think... I'm making a joke. That's what we say about the good quarterbacks. Are we going to find out he was injured? No, I think he actually was hurt. Well, he's not good, but he was one interception. He had one fumble.
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He had three intentional, three intentional groundings and a 20 QBR. And plus whatever you're saying.
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I don't know what their plan is. I mean, they basically announced this week they're going to keep Watson for two more years. I mean, that deal just gets worse and worse.
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Well, here's the thing. Everything's situational, right? So Brady's theory is right. Add to it. You got a rookie quarterback there on the road. Might want to just get him a couple plays. Stop the clock anyway, if you're not sure. And you have a kicker who can't make it from 35. So you want to get it closer than you even got it.
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And yet like a dozen years older than I would have thought. Like 78, right? I mean, I know he helped him. He looked young. But yeah, man, I would get very excited. I'm a big Selection Sunday guy. I write it down, even though they have the bracket right on the TV. And when, you know, the Duke Blue Devils are the number one seed in the East region. It's like something cool and you could rely on.
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And yeah, he'll be missed. Another great voice.
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Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
So everything points to calling a timeout with like 35 seconds left and they didn't do it.
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Do you care? So you know what the Saturdays are, right?
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Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
How can that not be? I mean, it's, they saved it. I mean, honestly, if the Vikings lose that game, I'm not sure what, what NBC does and the league does with that game. I think they maybe have to stop with the, everyone plays a division the last week.
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I think maybe just go with like the preseason, the playoffs from last year and try to mix them up and try to get lucky because now we see that like only one out of eight divisions or two in the, in the AFC North's case, barely matter. But most of these are settled by week 18.
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All right, I have to now adjust because some of these have moved. I said minus three. It's minus two and a half for the Detroit Lions. Interesting. I get that. And I'm telling you right now, I might get two more and that's it. We almost shouldn't count this week. Much like they don't count week 18 in fantasy, I almost think we shouldn't count this for you.
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And I'm not just saying that because I'm off by four points every game.
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Kornacki was a little, he threw me a little bit. I feel like he made it like they did need, this game did matter. And then like, no, no, 49 doesn't matter at all.
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Right. Right. That's where the tic-tac comes into play.
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Tampa's up a game. They lose a tiebreaker if they lose a game.
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Oh, I'm going to beat you here. I had 11.5. It's 13.5. Wow. Think about that. We're going to have to...
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I would have thought the Saints named Spencer Rattler their starter.
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It wasn't even scary. When was it scariest? I'm trying to think. I guess when New Orleans beat up on Dallas and Carolina. A week ago.
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Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Oh, you got it exactly. I had eight. But it's not going to matter. Teaser? Well, I just worry that Baker does like he did today and has like 40 points up there and Atlanta calls off the dogs. You know what I mean? They're playing the same time, obviously, right? Yeah.
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Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Put them later. The problem with this is, and I'm going to show my hand here, is a lot of these lines don't reflect when Thursday the coach says, we're sitting everybody. And then the lines fly another five points. So just be careful, everyone.
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I had Seattle by one and it's Seattle by two and a half. The Rams are in, right? They're not necessarily 100% in yet. No, they needed like one more team to win. Like 12 things had to happen. No, I'm going to go through it. Oh, it's crazy what needs to happen for Seattle to win for this game to matter.
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But I think the, the, uh, if I could speak broadly and I think you had Atlanta plus four and a half on something you were saying before the podcast was upset. There's favorites winning and covering. And then there's favorites winning and covering like Cincinnati did. And like Washington did today. Like when you're playing, how about everyone a week? 17. That's all I'm saying.
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I don't care. I'm taking that win. Yeah, take it.
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Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
The Saints or something.
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Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
You know, I said four and a half, and it was seven and a half. It went to eight and a half. So you get it. Wow. Man, that's high. I mean, I guess if Carson Wentz just plays with all second string, like the whole first string sits, then it's going to be tough. But that's a lot of points for Denver.
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Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Because Denver's not that good. How many favorites have Vandal and Vegas gotten walloped on in the last year? I don't know. Four months. Colts today. There's a team that's going to blow it for everybody. There's a team. Could be them.
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All right, I got it exactly. It's two and a half.
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Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
But I was getting a headache thinking of these. I really were.
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Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Wow. I did Cincy minus three, and it's Cincy minus two and a half.
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There's all that and then there's crazy covers like this where neither Cincinnati or Washington deserved it except for some craziness that happened in overtime and some brain farts from coaches.
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Listen, you cursed the Steelers three weeks ago when you named them the best team. You cursed the Steelers and you cursed Drake May. I cursed everybody else in the league, but you cursed the Steelers and Drake May.
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Pickens played last week on Christmas. It didn't matter. Russell Wilson, the defense is just average right now for whatever reason. Defense hasn't been good for like a month. If hustle and bustle isn't playing out of his mind, it might as well be anyone, the Steelers team.
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I don't think they start anyone. Honestly, I don't think they care. I don't think, I think they don't care if they're two or three. Yeah. I think he's like, give us, give us the Ravens again. That's fine. Because they play at the same time. The Ravens are going to be up 30 to nothing on the Browns. And that'll be, Oh no, they play the same day, but later in that day.
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Would you rather play the Ravens or the Bills if you're the Steelers? I think the Ravens. Isn't that always like an 18-16 game for the most part?
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So I get it. Wow. Vegas owned us. Are you going to beat me this week?
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This is crazy. I mean, I have some bad ones coming up.
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Okay. I said 15. 17 and a half. Wow. It's the biggest of the year, right? Jesus.
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You can. You can. It's fine. Like you said, the Browns aren't going to put up a fight.
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That's why we're, that's why we have our chin up there.
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You got it exactly. I thought it would be five. It's three and a half.
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I think it's an absolute mystery. I think maybe they want to trade him and they don't want to show how bad he is kind of thing. Oh, interesting. Like they're hiding him? They don't have enough makeup. But did you see what the fans did to Jerry Jones today? I'll send you that clip. Like...
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I don't know why he ever goes to Philly, but the fans within earshot, they're like, keep doing what you're doing, Jerry. You're doing great. You're doing great for the organization. He's like, yeah, man. They're like sarcastic praising him. Oh, yeah. And he's, I don't know if he gets it or not, but he's like, I try not to disappoint. And he's like, oh my God, just get out.
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Why are you ever going there?
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Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
You get it. I was way... See, this is one of the ones I was way off on. I said 7.5. It's 10. Hmm. But again, this is another one. Like, Jordan Love can rest or he could... play this game and stay at the six.
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I went higher than that. It's amazing that you're going to win this and be off by so much. I went Bills by six. It's Bills by one and a half. Wow. So you get it. Mitch Trubisky. This has got to make you nervous. One and a half in a game that you think for sure you're laying down in? I don't know for sure.
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Oh, you think he was?
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I thought it was a play to the wide receiver. Interesting. All right. I feel like it was just like whoever's there. Just take it.
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I mean, I don't know. He has three wins. You could be excited about him, but he's been just bad enough that you're in the spot to get the number one pick.
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See, I'm always bad in week 18. Look out for the Giants. Eight, two, five. And how many left? One, two. Three games left. Okay, good. You got to sweep them. You could do this. You could pull it off.
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Did they not cover again? I honestly don't know. Did the Jaguars win that game? They won by seven. And they covered?
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All right. I had Texans by one and a half. And it is, let me see, because these things change. I love how you have to check because I'm- I do have to check. All these have changed. Tennessee by four and a half.
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I was going to send this to you, and I'm like, maybe this is an overreaction. But when he was flying in the first half, I was like, man, if they had put him in a month ago, they might be fighting for the one seed. Maybe that's a little strong. Because of their schedule? Yeah, yeah. But for sure, they might have had this NFC South locked up.
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Tennessee by four and a half. So I get that. Tennessee over Houston by four and a half. Yeah. See, this is why this week shouldn't count. We are going to count it. Damn right we're going to count it, but it shouldn't count.
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But they're not going to sit everyone, right? The Texans are going to sit everyone. They're going to be calling guys off the street.
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Like Houston Barbecues and stuff. I don't know.
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You're going to get it. It's five and a half. What did you guess? I said two. Okay.
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I said Cardinals by two and the Niners are favored by one and a half. So I get that. What?
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Wow.
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I swear you've won for like 11 straight years.
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Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
So now going into the playoffs, it's nine.
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Yeah. Nine to eight to one. One tie. Yeah. It's the closest you've been in a while. Very exciting. Well, you know what I do in the playoffs? I just completely crap the bed. So. So have you thought about that Minnesota-Detroit game yet? Well, we have too much. We're too interested in actually trying to figure out who wins. We have to hedge. We have to hedge. We have to hedge.
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We have five to one, and we may not have the better team. Yeah, and plus we have a little. I mean, Detroit can win by two. You talked about all the games the Vikings were in that won by two. We could take the points there. We should probably do it now.
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Yeah, I thought they'd win the division.
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Well, you could do that with the two in the late afternoon.
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Yeah, who cares? But we had six games before Sunday. I think it's a little too many. I don't think you need a Thursday night game if there are two Christmas games I went, right? Yeah. And maybe you don't need three on Saturday because honestly, it ended up being okay. But we had Rattler O'Connell, Rudolph Mack, Rush Pickett, Flacco lock. Those are four of the six games.
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Like Aaron Rodgers was going into the morning games, you know, early afternoon. He was like the third best quarterback going into them. It was like Baker and, and obviously Josh Allen. And then like Aaron Rodgers was third.
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Yeah, let's do it. Go ahead. How's this go again? We say terrible things about our kids. Now, you know what? I'm going to say a good thing. It's like the last one of the year, right? And we're usually trashing on them. But I'm proud of my kids for all different reasons. Everyone's home, right? You have Zoe's home from school. Archie's home from school.
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They each did something that made me proud this week. Archie, for instance, the oldest, took his younger brothers out for a family portrait. And they all wore like ties and button down shirts and they went to Sears or wherever the hell you go now and they paid for it. And they got, he got like wallet sizes for his grandparents and all different options. It was like the three kids. Yeah.
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And they're like all different fun poses, like a real Brady Bunch moment. I mean, he made his mother cry, like, which is a big plus, different from the way I make her cry. Making Melissa cry is not an achievement, but it's good that he made her cry happily. Exactly. It was a different kind of, uh, tears. Um, middle guy, Jack made an audio clip of our friend Brad screaming.
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Um, and he plays it on a loop and has driven everyone nuts. So I'm proud of him for that. Like he replaced, replaced Mariah Carey song on the Spotify top hundred. So good job by you, Jack. And perhaps the winner. Yeah. My little one, Harrison, we went to Florida for a couple of days. We had to visit Melissa's father. Um,
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When you go through TSA, and the grown-ups have TSA check, and the grown-ups show their ID, and then the little guys, what they do is, in a very stern way, they ask, what is your full name? And you have to say it. They'll point to the kid. And he's put on the spot. And I swear, Harrison, without missing a beat, how's it go? Without missing a beat, the guy says, what is your full name?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
And he says... in a very, as deep a voice as an 11-year-old could do. He says, Creed Humphrey, Alabama. And I was like, you're my fucking guy. I love it. That's the best. Now it sidelined us for a couple minutes. Melissa was not happy at all. And the guy is not a football fan, as you can imagine. He's like, I need your real name right now. I was like, it's Harrison. It's Harrison.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
It's Harrison Aikano. That's my name. So we got through it. But I was like, that's spectacular. I don't know. It might be something he and his friends say because, you know, it's like the Monday night football thing. But good job by the three of them.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
A lot, man. It's the age. I don't know. You going through it too?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Yeah. I mean, there's a lot of tears since this Brad recording has gone viral in the house. But other than that. Can you put the Brad recording like on Instagram or something? I think I will. I think I will. It's pretty good. It's going to be a little out of context. People don't know him, but it's good.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
No, I haven't. Shit, is that true? Come on, you're still a teen at 20, no? No, you're 100% not a teen.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Right.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
He wouldn't, but you're right. Yeah, I know what you're saying.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
That's all right. Let's think about this.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
That's a, that's a huge compliment for you, right? I think there is no compliment to be taken from any aspect of this.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
If you had said granddaughter, that would have sucked, right? Granddaughter would have been tough. Okay. So the granddaughter would have been really hard. Wife is not as bad. Not as bad.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
You're not going to commit to this soon to be not teen right now? Wow. Oh, that's good.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
It's not inconceivable.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
It's an indictment of LA, right? If you had a Thunder game in Oklahoma City, they would have gotten it right, I think. Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Congratulations.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
What did he say? Did he apologize?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
What do you want to plug? What do we got? Against all odds, the fellas and I will be doing the college football picks Monday night for the Tuesday and Wednesday games. It's fun. Four big playoff games and the ring of pregame show on Sunday. What's your favorite playoff game? You know what? I'm taking Boise to upset Penn State. I think that's it. I like the running back. I like John Day.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
I think there's going to be a FU moment for the committee who has been told they've screwed this up. And God damn it, of course, they have screwed it up. But I think they're going to be like, aha, told you this is going to be a good matchup. And so at least take the points.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
I like that there's more teams, even though the first round of games suck. And Archie's going to the Rose Bowl because Oregon's playing Ohio State there. So it's nice and convenient. So he's gone.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Yeah, Rose Bowl.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Yeah. Couldn't have worked out better. So how long did he stay for the break? He's here until the day after he leaves. The second? I don't know. When does your wife Zoe go back?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Oh, really?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
I almost missed my flight. I had to sprint. I don't think I've ever run this fast. I made it. One of those things where they're about to close the door. I had to sprint to the... And I think I sprained both my hamstrings. I just sat in my seat and cried for the five-hour flight. He blew out your Achilles. Yeah, I was like, what is this? How do you get this back? It's over.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
It's a little different what I'm about to bring up, but it's kind of what San Francisco, like you really want to praise everything they did after what they spent on Trey Lance. It wasn't money, but... draft capital and might have won the Super Bowl if you had some position plugged in on defense against Kansas City. And now you're paying the price. But yeah, there's some odd stuff going on.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
I mean, I know you like your quarterback. I feel like you'd need to see two or three years out of these guys. In Sam Donald's case, seven years, but at least two or three.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
I feel naked not knowing the schedule. You and I love, we love the playoff schedule, right?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
We love the week 18 and we're like seven-year-olds waiting for Santa to come down the chimney. We just, I keep refreshing. I don't see anything. I see the Jimmy Carter, Jake Paul fight is rescheduled, but I don't see anything on week 18 yet.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
I don't do that yet. Yeah? No, I'm doing it. Well, I definitely agree on the Shake East game. There's a lot of shaky quarterbacks that belong in the Shake East game, but I think we're on the same page with that.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
I think they closed it after we stopped going. I think we were probably the only ones there.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
I mean, there's a Monday game in there. You got them all.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
The only thing with that is I'm not ready. I feel like I'm not ready for this.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Well, here's what could throw it off. I really think the Chargers want that five seed now. I think they're going to fight for it. They're in a good spot if they get that five seed. Of course you want to go to Houston now. By the way, if they get by that, I know the Chiefs, we're going to have to praise them. We have to. But that's not a bad deal for Harbaugh. They played him twice.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
They lost by two. They lost by seven. What a thing that would be for Harbaugh to go into Kansas City and win. I think that's the ideal spot for the Chargers. So I think that would throw off a little. The only thing I would say about a Saturday night, I think they like an outdoor game there. They had the Chiefs Dolphins. So I'm not sure what that would.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
I know that doesn't agree with Al's habits, but. What would it be?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Well, first of all, we'll go over the lines in a second, but maybe this will clear it up. And there's so much speculation. The Saturday games are out. And there's two of them. Were you right? You had guesses on this. I had one right. It's Browns, Ravens, and Bengals, Steelers. So the Ravens are first. The Ravens are 130. I don't know why they're doing this, actually. It doesn't benefit them.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
So the Ravens are 130. The Bengals, Steelers are five. These are Pacific times. If the Ravens win, and they should, then the Steelers could lose, and the Chargers do get that five, and we're talking all different things here. Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Believe in Darnold, Burrow’s Playoff Shadow, Week 18 Madness and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Yeah. All right. Yeah. I mean, is it so meaningful that you would want to not rest your starters for the following week? That's always a thing with, I don't know when we think it's meaningful, it usually isn't.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
You and I haven't mentioned Christian Benford or Deron Payne at all over 23 weeks. Yes. No, ever. Yes, you're right. And those arguably were the two biggest, you know, one, you know, neither, both for not being able to play. And yeah, Benford actually got out with the second concussion, we think.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
I mean, we talked about it last week, how important, so stupid, but how important turnovers are. And we'll get to it in the Philly game, which absolutely dominated the discussion. But yeah, if the Ravens don't turn the ball over, it's a different story altogether. And maybe if they get a home game too against Buffalo.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Yeah, well, that's why I took the Chiefs. I'm not going to take a lap because I recognize whoever had the ball last pretty much, the last six minutes are going to decide this game.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
But when I was thinking about it, I'm like, wait a minute, I'm going to go against the Chiefs who, like I said, haven't turned the ball over since November and they're trying to repeat and they're in the arrowhead and have a chip on their shoulder against Buffalo who beat them in the regular season. No freaking way.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, I lost consciousness for a second there.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
So how is he different from Lamar then in that respect? Because they're pointing the same fingers, right?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
I'm going to write this down.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
No, there's a bunch.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
um so i would be more mad about that if i were them yeah i think they the bills fans at least early on i could see they're very upset with the coaching staff you know because when you can't blame the kicker when you can't kill the kicker and they can't it goes right to the quarterback or coaching staff and it seems like the coaches are getting we should real quick shout out to james cook i mean that was a spectacular spectacular play
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
on fourth and two. By the way, good job. Another great play by Josh Allen, flipping that to him on the quarterback option. With some speed.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
But it kind of had to get there then, right? Had to get there.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
And for him to be able to stay horizontally and bridge on his hand without the elbow falling and extend it over the goal line with the other hand was really one of the better plays I've seen all year.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Right. Oh, maybe it's Klubber Lang. Then Lamar. No, no. Lang won a title. Yeah, I don't know who Lamar is. Yeah, I don't know what you do with Josh Allen. That sucks with the cutaways. You need more cutaways of his fiance, right? I mean, he's losing that battle too. Taylor Swift. But yeah, he's playing as well as he can and just can't beat this team.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
They're racking them up. They got to get this game at home. I don't know. Maybe with Pete Carroll in the division, the AFC West, and some of these teams getting better, the Chiefs won't go 15-2 or 15-1 going into the last week.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Yeah, you did. But the Chiefs, as I run my mouth on this whole thing, they went through the whole thing on the road too last year. So I don't even know what matters.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
All right. Okay, so good. That means you took the Chiefs, and I had them too. But just as an emotional hedge, and then you look back, I'm like, oh, my God, I have so much money on this team as an emotional hedge. It's going to be emotional the other way when I have to explain to the family we have to move if the Bills win. So, wow, what a game.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Yeah, thank God. I will say the one thing we skipped over with Kelsey. That's another thing the Bills would be like, oh my God, we held that guy to nothing. He had 14 straight games with 75 or more. 14 straight playoff games. He was invisible. Two catches for 19 yards and they embarrassed him most of the game and still couldn't get it done. It's a lot of rough moments there for the Bills.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Yeah, he plants his right foot directly out of bounds on a ball that should have been catchable.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Yeah, Pacheco and Kelsey, 43 total yards. Like, how much would we pull back on our Chiefs bet if we had known that was going to happen?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Yeah, that is part of it.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
We got to figure something out.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Do it every year. Who cares?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
I can't believe the Pats never did it. I mean, I looked through it too. Obviously, they haven't.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Yeah. But out of Cowboys, Steelers, Patriots, Niners, it's shocking that there was no three-peat. It's shocking that the Bears only won one.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
They were 15-2. They were 15-1 heading into the week that they sat everyone. And he wasn't even a top three or four consideration for MVP. That's insane because his stats weren't Patrick Mahomes-esque is the problem. But as like a Patriot fan and one of the few teams that have had two Pete's, how much are you rooting for?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
It's not like 72 Dolphins are thrilled and do the champagne toast when a team loses. But are you rooting hard? Because I've talked to some people who have been part of like a two Pete and are rooting hard against anyone having a three Pete.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Oh, wow.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
But you're trading that for Mahomes could eventually pass Brady as the greatest ever in every conversation. You're willing to put that up for debate?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
If he wins four in a row, if he four-peats, which, you know, he's a game and a season away from doing, then the conversation becomes real. I don't know.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Well, except for that first drive. They did everything you could ask for, right? So for Washington, my big thing was Philly's going to run the ball. When Deron Payne went out, I'm like, this is going to be a disaster. And especially because
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
washington has won time possession the last two times i think it was 34 26 against um last week against the lions and 36 24 against tampa maybe i mixed those two up but like they're not gonna win that they're not gonna win time of possession it was dead even i was a little bit wrong about that because it was dead even time of possession but that first drive you must have been excited when he's converting fourth and twos and fours great then we settled for a field goal that sucked but uh
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
I also don't know why they went for a field goal. They were surviving fourth and threes all the way down the field, and they have a shady kicker.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
And then Barkley crushes their spirit three plays later.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Yeah, but so, man, it was such a good throw. I think it was like because it was like two tight ends like going out and he had to judge the way the middle linebacker and he just shifted towards the guy on the right and then he completed and it was a good throw and everything else. But yeah, they should have been a little more prepared, but yeah. Kudos. And they only got three out of that, right?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
That made it 14-6? Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Yeah. And a couple of big runs too. Running for three touchdowns. So... Yeah. I was like, with that field goal miss, I was like, you're playing right into Washington's hands. I feel like with this team on third and sixth, they should run every time on third and sixth or third and fifth. They're going to go for it on fourth and one or two and make it.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Instead, third and sixth, the one thing he can't do is get sacked, and he did. And then, what's his name, misses the field goal. And that was, I was like, all right, they're back in it. But yeah, it was just too much firepower eventually.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
It's such a tough spot, right? A rookie just can't... Especially in Philly. To go to Detroit and Philly and do that and be down an offensive lineman.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Well, Hertz was good, but then you hear about him showing up in a knee brace and I started getting PTSD from the Tyson-Paul fight. I'm like, oh, Tyson showed up with a knee brace and I lost a lot of money. I don't know. Maybe this isn't a good idea.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Yeah, you don't want parity in everything, all the time, everywhere. Like, you know, I think if you ask people honestly, they would want Washington and Buffalo to have advanced today, right? So that wasn't going to happen because everybody wanted it, right? But other than that, I love that the Chiefs are in it. Mahomes is great. And we saw the greatest quarterback of all time in Brady.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Yeah, especially with the tush push and everything.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
So I want to know what year they brought it back because it was banned, right? You couldn't pull a guy. You still can't pull a guy, right? Even though they don't call it a lot. And there was a time when you couldn't push it. So you couldn't. So I don't know. It doesn't jive with the current rules about like, all right, we don't want guys hitting each other's heads in the wedge and we want safety.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Yeah. Also, it doesn't look like a football play and it's boring. And and then they have a little.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
problem on their hand with what washington was doing i think the whole world that wasn't rooting for phil was like good keep hitting them keep hitting them keep getting the personal foul and then the ref admonished them it's like we're gonna we're gonna spank you there's gonna be a spanking that goes on here if you do it again we're gonna give them a touchdown so so you give them the touchdown so we don't have to give them a touchdown it's so weird
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
I'm the wrong guy to ask. I hate it. I don't like it either. The team I hate most uses it most effectively. But I don't like it. Someone's going to have to get hurt, though, I think. I think that's the problem with this, right?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
You're such a college basketball fan. I think it's a little of both. Definitely Washington, the Cinderella thing, it came to an end. But I do feel pretty good about Philadelphia and the trenches there. And they could, you know, I'm not saying I'm taking Philly, but they could present problems like Tampa Bay did to Kansas City in that Super Bowl where Mahomes is just running for his life.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
And there'll be one highlight where he's horizontal to the ground completing a pass, but otherwise it's a long night. So they were excellent. I mean, what'd they have? 229 on the ground. They averaged like 6.4 a carry.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
And now we're possibly seeing his greatest successor in Mahomes. And that is exactly why I hate when people lead with, oh, the referees screwed them, all the... No, I don't like the negative stigma because that then football could turn into your crappy sport. Sorry, the NBA and where everybody's talking bad about it.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Yeah, he should start saluting. And the question you posed earlier, did he do a good deed for all running backs or just for himself and Derrick Henry? I mean, it's going to be a tough decision for GMs the rest of the way. But he did make a difference. I mean, the Eagles are much better because they got Barkley. And he only had, like you said, 15 carries. Like, that's bizarre.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
They could add another 100 yards if he had another 10 yards.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Only Barry Sanders, Peyton, and for a small stretch, Terrell Davis, like you brought up. I don't really.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
This is a crazy year. I know they're not going to give him MVP, but 2,000 plus?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Is he going to get 2,000 in the playoffs also? I don't know.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Well, no, he'd need like 150. And what's interesting is he gets screwed because of the one-yard plunge by Jalen Hurts, right? He had three of those. Otherwise, Barkley would probably have like 30 touchdowns.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Even the two or three before that, the last regular season games, he was spectacular.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
I mean, just from what I've seen, I think we missed a lot of Walter Payton's greatness, right? But I'll trust it. And if we want to keep going back to Jim Brown.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
And like, we're forgetting the fact that we're seeing Mahomes and he's the greatest or close to the greatest. So stop that talk, you know?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
But like short yardage is so important now. I would say Davis and Barkley over like a Barry Sanders. But Barry Sanders was spectacular in his own right too.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
I used to get in fistfights over this when I loved Emmitt more than Barry Sanders. And I don't think anyone has as many negative, carries for negative yards as Barry Sanders, but there was something. I mean, you just go by, SportsCenter highlights were so important back then.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
I like seven. I thought it jumped the shark around after that.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Oh, I made a nice little breakout clip of it. And yeah, I don't know what the NFL could do about 10 years in a row.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
This is a big freaking deal. And I don't know that, like I said, the NFL has a problem because now this is a waste of a week. I don't know what they could do scheduling wise to make this interesting with me having won the title, but.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Are they announcing it in the parking lot of media day? How close are they getting? How much attention do they need?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
I've said it has to be one and a half because every line has been one and a half this year. And I'm going to say the Chiefs are favored. And so now let's look.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Joe Milton made that guess.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Well, you should have. It is one and a half. Of course. It's the biggest practical joke in sports gambling. Chiefs are favorite by one and a half.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
And not only that, I was like, Oh, 29, 29. All right. The one and a half, is it going to come into play? And then like we, you, me and Hench, we listed like 10 ways. The one and a half can come into play. Oh, the bills can miss the extra point. Oh, the chiefs could go for two and like, Oh yeah, I forgot. It's the NFL.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Wow, they got everything up already.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Barkley over under. Let's do a quick tour. You want to guess that?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
I don't even know. It was 70, 80, somewhere in there.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
They can't give him 15. They can't give him the ball 15 times.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
I'm not seeing a rush attempts yet.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Oh, they jacked it even further. Six and a half. I still like it. The over's a plus, but we'd like this bet more than Mahomes rushing yards, right? Because of the nail-down factor.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Does the center get it? I'm not sure. That's good because it's like an own goal kind of, right? Have you ever seen a ref say that before?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Yeah. It's not a lot of brotherly love being sent that way. One other play was the measurement. And again, the Chiefs won because they're better and everything else. The measurement on that fourth down where the line judges. The two refs. Yeah. Wildly different. And they just don't measure anymore. They don't take those chains. They're embarrassed of the chains. Like, why don't they measure?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
So like they guessed and then that guess has to be conclusively overruled. To change, measure it. Put it down. First of all, there's not a chip in the ball.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Interesting. All right. This is a $500 billion league. Put a freaking chip in the ball. It's one thing if the guy's knee is down, but if we're really just measuring to see where the ball, the furthest the ball got. I think we could do that.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
It's also an AA meeting. So yeah. No, but bringing chains out there, like these guys are surveyors in the 1650s.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Oh yeah. Sure. That's easy. That's right there. I mean, not easy.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Uh, Now I lost it. 49 and a half is exactly right.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
And last week, was it over 4-0? No, Chiefs-Texans went under. But we had Eagles-Rams had 50, Bills-Ravens had 52, and the Lions-Commanders had 76. So yeah, you had like five out of the last six go over in cold weather most of those games.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Yeah. He handed the torch. And Mahomes, I think, played a little game with the Bills. Like, look, we don't turn the ball over. We haven't turned the ball over since November. There's been like 280 turnovers in the NFL. And none of them attributed to the Chiefs. So what do they do? They fumble. It's recovered, but they're off sides, the Bills. So it doesn't count.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
It's great. And first of all, Fox is delighted and the NFL is delighted, right? Because you got Hurts, you got Barkley, you got Mahomes, you got Taylor, everything. If the Rizzler shows up again, I don't know. But I think the casual fan... probably is bummed about this matchup a little bit. No question. I think maybe Cowboys Chiefs would bum them out a little more.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
But other than that, I think this is right up there.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
McDermott's not going to blow this game. Well, you could just tell him that every year he could rely on a great AFC title match, right? Like seven of the last nine have been seven points, decided by seven points or fewer.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Yeah, yeah. Everyone wants to be like Romo in that regard. I just can't.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Yeah, I think he's, you know, I don't know, because people are assholes and they're like, we don't want to hear what's about to happen. So stop circling the screen. I don't think he was told to stop, but I think he's just like, forget it.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Who started it? Did it start in college? Was it Vince Young or Tebow? It wasn't that long ago. It wasn't in the 70s or 80s. I really feel like it's
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Like two plays later, like, all right, we're going to give you one more chance. This is it. And even this isn't going to matter. And they fumble. And that was the only turnover of the game, right? And still, they couldn't get it done because you got the Chiefs with the ball last. And that's what's going to happen.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Yeah. Although I'll say that fourth and two where they rushed up to the line after a timeout and he rolled right. It's like, wow, this guy's got it, man. This is why it's so fricking hard to beat them.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
I don't understand it either. Nothing against the guy. I'll give him a chance. I hope he does well. But I really think Jerry Jones is fucking with us. I mean, the way he's even introduced him. He's like, ah, he was known as a career assistant. It's like, yes. Yeah, great, Jerry. That's what we're all thinking.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
That's what he said. He's not just Brian anymore. He's the head coach. I'm like, you just don't care about us. You don't care about this team. This is just a joke. I kind of want to enter the fan trend, you know, the portal. I really want to get into the portal and pick a different, like look what Joe House did.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
You got to keep, you got to stay with your, stay with the marriage. But Joe House. Stay with your bad, unhappy marriage. Hate watched the Washington team until they switched ownership. And now he gets a seat in the luxury box, courtesy of Washington. I'm like, all right, I'll do that. Like, why can't I just, Watch from afar. This is disgusting.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Brian Schottenheimer, like you said, wasn't on anybody's list. It's like in fantasy. If you're doing like a snake draft and someone drafts like, um, in the seventh round drafts, like, uh, like Ray, Ray McLeod. And you're like, Oh, wait, hold on. I'm still looking down my list to cross.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
I got to get to page 12. I keep going. Got to keep going. Like there's something to be said about at least going through the motions and interviewing a Kellen Moore or Jones broke.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
He's like, I'm an actor. I can fall back on that if the team's bad and the team will be bad. No.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Yeah. He's our guy. He's been in the building three years and they still have to interview him. The funny part is that they actually interviewed him. Like, yeah, I think you know what you're getting with him. It's fine, but... I'm so bummed.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
It's so funny how Washington has affected other teams near the bottom. Right. And yeah, the exact opposite effect on Dallas because now we have Jayden Daniels in our division for anywhere from next year to the next 12 years. Right. And, uh,
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
It's very cool. Never freaks out through a couple of bad passes, but it's to be expected. I mean, how many how many weeks are going to do this for?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Fun, fun QBs and Dax coming back and bad coaches. Shut up. Or what's going to keep guests lines going for another 17 years.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
It's so funny how there's only like a few owners. There's only a few quarterbacks to get. And there's only a few coaches. If you don't get them, you're kind of screwed.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
That is pretty sad. I told you, when you can't make a three-team teaser unless you use the over-under, that's a milestone. That's the official sadness day. Really bad. Really sad. And after next week, after we do our prop podcast, that'll be sad too. It's a step.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
All right. I'll go first. Speaking of wrestling tournaments. So, yeah, wrestling season's coming to a merciful end for me. And so that's my middle kid. And my youngest kid has traveled baseball and rec league basketball. So Saturday I have to go from chat. Basketball.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Oh, he's all about basketball too. It's fun. It is fun at that age, running around. So Saturday, I have to go from Jack's tournament to Harrison's basketball game. I'm going to catch just the end of his basketball game. So I walk in there. It's the fourth quarter. And I see my wife's there. And the game, it's 18-17. And she's talking to this woman seated next to her.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
And I have no idea who the woman is. And I mentioned that. I was like, wow, the gym seems tense. And my wife's like, yeah, the refs aren't calling anything. These kids are really going at it. And
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
then she goes back to talking to this woman that I don't know so and then it's clear to me I'm like well she must be guessing that the refs aren't calling anything because she's not watching a second of this and so I'm starting to get annoyed I'm like it's 18 17 with like two and a half minutes left like Harrison's taking shots and he's playing defense and everything but anyway okay so
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
She's still talking to this woman. There's eight seconds left. We're up by three. The opponent inbounds it, dribbles down the court, runs down the court, and just before he pulls up for the three, Harrison hard fouls him. Before he goes into shooting motion. And I was like, that's freaking smart. That's like one of the smartest things my kids have done.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
The announcers loved it. The gym did not love it. The referees didn't love it either. And everyone's like, oh, oh boy. But now there's like 0.6 on the clock left. What was the hard foul? Was it like a shove or was it like a karate chop? Right, right. Shove to the chest. Maybe a little elbow. Kids off balance.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Before, before, way before the shot, definitely before the shot, but he saw that the kid was about to pull up and there's 0.6 on the clock. And there's like, no, it's not a shooting foul. And they're just going to inbound it.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
And the ref like mildly scolds Harrison, much like the refs did to, to sorry, who played Philly today or already lost Washington when they were jumping off sides over and over. But he's like, game's over. And, uh, and so that was it. And everyone's like, Oh man. Oh boy. All right. So I was like, Oh geez. I'm like, I can't wait to high five them in private later. Like a small fist pump. Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
And then the kid who we shoved is like crying, um, after the game. And I say, and I'm like, now I'm by my wife and this woman, I'm like, Oh God, look at this. This kid's crying now. And she turns to me and mouths. that's this woman's son. His name is Bob. I'll say Bob because I don't want to say the real name, but that's off by one letter. That's Bob and this woman's son. I'm like, oh shit.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Now she's looking at me. And so now I have to eat shit a little bit. Like I let like a minute pass and I go up to her after the game and I'm like, hey, I just want you to play. Bob played a great game. And she's giving me the look like, yeah, I saw you walk in like with four minutes left in the game. Don't give me this crap. You didn't even see him play. I made it worse.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
She didn't say that, but she gave me that look. But anyway, talking to Harrison afterwards, I'm like, look, you know, you're not supposed to. I was like, dad, we lost a game like that last week. I wasn't going to let him get the shot off.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
We do this as gamblers. Well, what's interesting with basketball from 10 to 11, which makes it even more intense, at 11, they start calling double dribble a lot. And they start calling travel. And you can play backcourt defense. So it gets pretty rough and stupid. Um, yeah, 10, 10 and under, you couldn't play defense until we crossed half court.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
That's a crazy stat. And because of that, when they're driving at the end and they're minus 146, I'm crazy about the numbers, as you know. Yeah, you were texting me during every time out. I don't know what the hell to do with the numbers, but I'm wild about it. I just love it. And it's minus 146.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
I'm like, wow, that's suspiciously low for this team that's going for a 3P and never loses one score games. And then they were minus 154 when they had the three-point lead and the bills were driving or whatever with that last possession there. So it is just amazing what the hell they've done. And I look at the numbers.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
So who will get in person?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
No. Yeah. Wait on the dog or at least get that rug cleaner for sure. You said the dogs have an IQ of 20. This, this sounds like a smart dog. Like when you say like the dog left the room to do all this, he knew, he knew like that makes me think sometimes that dogs are smarter than humans.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Like he had the wherewithal to be crafty enough or embarrassed enough or whatever it was to do it in another room. For just temporary.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
I'm like, it doesn't even really add up with Mahomes and the stats and how they keep winning. And, you know, I...
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
I thought you said she went away with her friends.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
I've not done it. And I had the opportunity because I had gambling money once to loan my roommates who were dealing it money. He's like, you give me $150 and you can make 600. By the end of it, I was like, I don't know why I said no, but I did.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Wasn't even doing that.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Well, I like it because even last week, a little tiny bit wishy-washy. I was like, oh man, is he just not a cold weather announcer? But now he came back.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
I love that there's like 150 up already. It's not even Monday. This is terrific.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
How did the Bills outrush them by just 12 yards? I don't remember a ton of... It felt like 200. And Cook wasn't in the game on a couple of big plays. I do think McDermott... By the way, they found out he's Bill Burr's brother. I didn't even know this.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
What did, what did we get the Pacers at?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Okay, so it's 46.5, but you wouldn't double back on it, would you? That's too much. Oh, for regular season wins?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Yeah, I was just wondering. I don't even know how you play them at this point. What more?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Yeah, like they... Three of the last four... The next four games or they're in that four-game run that was going to be tough. And I bet them to make the play-in. I'm like, oh, they're definitely going to get in the play-in because you could do that on Fandle. I'm like, now they're minus 220. Oh, you think they could actually make it? Well, now they're minus 225 to make the playoffs. So, yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Well, I thought for sure once they let Bronny go to the G League, I'm like, that's a mistake. They're going to regret sending that generational talent somewhere else. And who knows if he even comes back if they want him.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Yeah. Isn't that something? I didn't hear them announce that. Yeah. He got outcoached. He got bailed out, I think, early when they scored on fourth down. But he was outcoached and Spags wasn't going to let it happen twice in an hour.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
They, Atkinson is minus 470 for coach of the year. What would they have to, what kind of, what kind of claps would they have to have for him not to win it at this point?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
But he won last year, though, right? I mean, I'm all for the guys that get votes, but I don't think they give it two years in a row too much.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
You promised me you would get the vote. Give the vote.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Because I have Shea because of you, House, and Rosillo. I got like plus 350. Now he's minus 350.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
I mean, Giannis is 120.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
I have Saar from the beginning of the year.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Remember Westbrook was a big favorite? Not Westbrook. Was it Westbrook with six men? Did that make sense a few years ago? Then it became a starter. Then odds went away. That's what you have to avoid. Which one of those top four can get in the starting lineup? Cuz, what do you got to plug? What do I have? Against All Odds a couple times this week. Through the Ringer with Tate Frazier.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Cousin Sal's winning weekend at the end of the week. And Frontier Wireless blows and their customer service reps are fucking liars. That's it. Bye. See you next week.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
I don't know. He's all about Belichick.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
What does that look like?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
The number one? No, I know. But what did I have to give up?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Yeah. Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Yeah, yeah, it was weird because, yeah, you're right, because the Chiefs got the ball in the second half. Is that what you're saying?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
The Bills had the ball and then hooked. Yeah, it was interesting. It really was. And let's put everything in perspective. With that play that hit the ground and should have been called incomplete, it was holding on Hamlin. He mugged Kelsey, backpacked him, jumped on his back. So it would have been first down at the 20th. Maybe the bills don't have enough time to draw, drive back and get the six.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
I don't know that the chiefs score either, but you know, but let's, before everybody points to, Oh, the chiefs got lucky again.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
It was rough. There was traffic around him. It was kind of like a moon ball, you know, and he's got to catch it at his feet. Probably should have grabbed it. But in that situation, like that's he was running for his life and he's just trying to get good positioning on that ball.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
But to answer your original question, the Bills are looking at this like not that we're three plays away, that they should have won the game. They're done losing to this team, right? They already beat them in the regular season. They're not like us where we could rationalize it and be like, well, they just can't beat them at Arrowhead. It's a different beast.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
They know deep down they're just as good and they can't take it. This is a demoralizing loss for them. I mean, after a while, you do maybe believe that you can't overtake the beast, but... Yeah, another. Yeah, I don't know. Well, there's the what more do we have to do factor, right? They won the turnover battle. They outrushed them. Mahomes had fewer than 20 completions. Right.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
You know, I don't know. They scored 29 and they became the first team to give up over 30 to the Chiefs.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
I didn't think they were going to get that one. Spaggs needed to dial up what he did for the very last Bills offensive play for that fourth down play because it came out of a timeout. It was a timeout and then one play on third down and then that play. So that was bad for the Chiefs defense. But I'll tell you, you're right with the short yardage.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
And I think we watched almost three and a half hours of quarterbacks plunging on fourth and one today between the two games. The most fourth and ones it felt like ever in the history of the league. I like that they don't make it sometimes. I really do. Maybe teams will... I don't like it.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
Like when we were growing up in the 70s and 80s where, you know, it was a fourth and one attempt on offense every six weeks or something. But I don't know. Just be a little more creative on the fourth and ones. But Cook wasn't even in the backfield for a lot of those.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
I don't know. We lost the connection. What did you say?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
That's what they needed before the last score. But you and I, I think, thought we were texting. We thought this game was over. Like you said, that second quarter.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Chiefs Break Buffalo’s Heart, Philly Rolls, and Guess the SB Lines With Cousin Sal
I thought when it was 21-10, I thought they were going to blow it out. Well, because, I mean, they were picking on that Elam guy. Like, you know, like Romo said, it was like, you know, cover one, single safety. It's just going to be the stop route all the time with Worthy picking on this. Right. Yeah. So, by the way, Romo crushed Brady today by 35 points. That was the biggest blowout.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
I don't either. I don't know. I want to say I want to bet against them in the playoffs, but I think Stafford's going to struggle in cold weather a little bit. I think we saw that, and the numbers support that. If Aaron Rodgers just didn't hand them the ball at the end, that might have been a game. He was awful. Oh, really good. He was awful. But yeah, they have what?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
And then barely 19 today? In 10 days, I think they have three touchdowns now.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
I've never seen a football game like this, Mike. It was the greatest everything. It was the greatest secondary. It was the greatest interception. That run from Baker was the greatest.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Pittsburgh could be in that scenario where they're, oh, we're the sixth seed. We don't care if we're the seventh seed. It doesn't seem like teams really mind.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
So those teams might run out. Right, right, right. I had my biggest bet of the year. I'm going to come clean. Penn State, Cincinnati teaser. And I was so mad at the Bengals. I was like, how the frick are you not putting this game away? You know, like this is, you make everyone sweat it out. They ran 17 points for two hours. Jesus.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
And you got Dorian Thompson, Robinson, Pete, whatever his name is, running up and down the field. Like, are you kidding? I know it was 24-6, but can't they, this is, you know, this is the defense that, Your defense has been awful all year long. Can you just keep it in check against Cleveland, not scare us so much?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
It's a sexy bet. I know our buddy Raheem went with it plus 680 to make the playoffs. I haven't checked it. Of course, it's lower now. That's what it was this morning. But I don't even know if they run the table, even with that slate that you said home against Denver. Their defense is bad.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Yeah, they're very consistent.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
So if you're, let's say, who's the two, would we say? Buffalo?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
I'm going to contradict myself, but maybe Cincinnati. But yeah, Miami wouldn't scare me if I'm Buffalo going there. Colts wouldn't scare you? No. No, they can't. I don't know. Are they going to have a balmy day in January? I don't see it.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
But they're going to kill everybody.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Pretty much the same as last year, if you look at the numbers. It's a defense that's allowed seven fewer points a game.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
I want to watch Vita Veya. I wish he would moon me. I'm going to rename my son Vita Veya. You hear that Jack Collinsworth? Vita Veya Collinsworth now.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what's going to be with that. You're right with Buffalo. But I think with Cincinnati, even if they do out slug Buffalo, there'll be a time to just bet against them. Right. This team doesn't win two, three games in the playoffs. It's not built like that at all.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Yeah, I mean, they have superstars, Chase Brown, Higgins, and Jamar Chase. But yeah, it is interesting. They're almost exactly the opposite of the Chiefs who have somehow made a deal with all the players and the organization that we're not going to break 31 points this year. We're going to have three. Pete, but never score 31.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
And here Cincinnati scoring 31, like, you know, three at every four games and can't get with like, you know, less than 500.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
I just think it's all bullshit. I really do. They're good. They know, like you said, they know how to be there at the end, and yet they don't have a go-to guy other than Mahomes offensively, right? It's like, oh, Noah Gray? Oh, all right. He's their guy. Oh, Kelsey can only catch a three-yard pass and spin for five, you know? Yeah. I don't know.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
And also just the, can we stop with the high ankle sprain garbage? Like that's, don't call it that anymore. That's not what it is. If he's not wearing a boot on Wednesday, it's not, call it tooth decay. That's closer to what he has than a high ankle sprain. If he's running around, it's a full participant in practice on Tuesday. Give me a break.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Yeah, when you run off your curb to get the mail or something, that's what it is.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Yeah, right.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
He knew what he was doing.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Yeah, it's only two more games now for each of them, so it's doable.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
I know he's amongst the lowest ever for QBRs. So 614? I don't know.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
I like him better than Shador Sanders. I still don't, you know, my problem is I bet all these guys and lost a lot of money on them. And I've cursed Shador Sanders for hanging around the pocket too long and taking bad sacks, but I like his mechanics. I just feel like Cam Ward is more NFL ready right now. Like I said last week, I'm not sure any team, because you get the Dion BS with it, right?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
I mean, you can't shed that if you take Shador, so. I don't know why. So you're thinking Raiders. I mean, who, who would be more fun?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Is it irony or is he still on the payroll?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Yeah, so the Raiders were their pick. You're going to get... So what do you get? You want a big lineman to protect this guy, right? We need a lineman. That's what you have to do. Scouting left tackle footage, which is about as boring as it gets. It's not going to be sexy. You're not going to... You don't want the wide receiver. You already said that, right? So...
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Yeah, there's just no way to tell with him. You know? I mean, I guess we're getting a look now. Like, right? Like, he was the guy that everybody... Everyone needed to be there, like you said. The conditions have to be ideal. Shanahan's schemes have to be working.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
It's too much. It's a lot, man. It's a lot. Yeah, you're right. And it started ahead of Friday on. But, you know, you and I love it. We love the Moneyline favorites. And the Moneyline favorites came in six in a row between the college and pro games Friday and Saturday. So that's a nice little nest egg we built, right?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
55 million? I feel like... I don't know. I think you're going to get, you know, we could win 10 or 11. You don't think so?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
I think that's, he might be worth it. When you look at these other guys, you got to start.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
But what, I mean, that's a monster. That's a first round pick. So you're going to trade. I don't know. McCarthy went eighth last year and got hurt. Right.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
When you say there's an, is there another Sam Donald? This is kind of like a unicorn situation. This is what is.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
There's not too many guys who need seven years to prove themselves. Is there?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
I think we got to get two firsts and someone has to fix the roof.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Yeah, the 49ers, the window might have closed with this core group for sure. But still, that offense does harm when McCaffrey's there and Ayuk's there and everybody else. So they have to keep... Man, it really is the Trent Williams thing though, isn't it? That's the big piece. It's so different without him.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
We got to look at those. I want to see those.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
What was McCaffrey's prognosis when we had done that? He might miss one game?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
We thought that, but did they, did they, I mean, we know better than everybody, but no, but what were they saying?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Right. That's true.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
I want to look at those numbers. I picked offensive rookie of the year winner. I picked possibly the defense.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
We got to pull.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Well, how surprised were you to hear that Tua threw his hundredth touchdown pass of his career? Yeah. That makes sense. That's like 25 a year. I don't know why it really threw me for a loop. I was like, this guy has 100? That's exactly what I thought. He's at 25 for a year? Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
They said someone got a hand on it, but yeah, I agree. No, he was good. He pulls those in. You know what was good? Me for taking the over in that game. Let's talk about that. 14-2 with my wisest wagers. Just let me get this out. Just everybody set your alarm if you're on the West Coast. Watch the Ring of Pre-Game show on YouTube TV on the West Coast. It's 8.04 in the morning. You catch my bet.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
You plug it into Fandle and you go to sleep until 1 or 4. You'll wake up a winner.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Big ass smile on his face too.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
I was like, this is insane. Yeah. I don't think I'm ever going to lose again.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
done it does seem like he's one of the quarterbacks who really should lobby for a three-quarter football game right like you're not going to see fourth quarter is too long for him to not make one or two crucial mistakes or maybe mulligans yeah he's like the guy in golf is like can i get a mulligan on that i just i just almost killed the foursome to uh the left on the other hole all right take another shot and he says three mulligan passes that you don't get ball against the football
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
I know, it was entertaining, right? It's nice to win Christmas week, but yeah, Philly, and by the way, with Hertz going out, the first thing we thought of was our friend Brad and Hench, who both on separate leagues had Hertz starting. The two leagues we're in, yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
And we used to imagine like when we were growing up, if someone kicked, no one kicked a 58-yard field goal. But if someone kicked a 58-yard field goal, you were going to win that game, right? If it was that important. And he couldn't even do it. It was like a punt return for a touchdown. Couldn't even do it. Couldn't win them this game in overtime.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Oh, you're good.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Yeah, wait. How does it end up for them? I mean, my boys helped you.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Oh, right, right.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Oh, they're at Tampa. I mean, Tampa, talk about a murder. There's going to be murders if they don't win that game.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Oh, I see. I see what you're saying. Oh, man. What are you going to have to hedge? You're going to have to hedge some dumb Week 18 game. No.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
The most volatile, infantile fantasy rooters and owners. Hench is talking about the independent neurologist for 14 hours straight on text. He was so upset.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Well, hold on. Yeah, so it's Bucks, Saints, and Carolina, Atlanta. So you'll know before week 18. That's week 18. I'm okay. I'm going to be fine. Yeah, you'll be good. You'll be good.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
He was bad, right? He was awful. And you're right. The highlight will show the Devonta Adams touchdown, right? Yeah. But everything else, poor decisions in the pocket, can't get free. Slow. Just slow as shit. I mean, who was... What are they talking about bringing him back or another team signing him? I just don't get it. I don't care. Please, it has nothing to do with him personally.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
What would possibly... catch your eye that you would sign this guy again?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
He's got brick in his name. The brick layer. We got to, we got to come up with something for him, but we have two weeks to do it.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Garrett Wilson is going to go to another team and be awesome. He's got to be great in the right offense, in the right scheme. I don't know if it's the Patriots, but it's definitely not the Jets.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Oh, man, bro. We were told you have to take Garrett Wilson no later than seventh in the first round and Breeze Hall fourth.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
I love the fact that cowardly punts has to go on someone's resume. Like if that guy goes for another job, like, all right, let's see. Your teammates, team seems to like you. Yeah, you did this. All right. Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Two cowardly punts in 2024. Can we get that down? Can someone write a letter on your behalf explaining the cowardly punts?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
We suck.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
14.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
I'm being honest.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
I do. No, but what is the difference between him and Mac Jones? The first 12 weeks of Mac Jones. Oh my God. After 10 weeks, you were saying they should redraft. Mac Jones would be one or two. No, stop.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
I'm honestly, we may have to do like an unplanned wellness check. We've done a few of those, but not for a fantasy. Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
I'm sorry, but you love Mac Jones.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
This is a little much. This is just a tiny bit much.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Based on the Mac Jones phrase, you did love him. You didn't call him a game manager after 10 weeks. You loved him. You thought he was number one or two in the league. Rookie.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
You could believe that he didn't win, right? Because he's done that 12 times.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
We saw Mac Jones.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Oh, just the first half. Okay. All right.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
What a lunatic you are.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
It doesn't help, but I was waiting for this kind of, I mean, it was the first bad hustle and bustle game we've seen in a while. He fumbled at the goal line and he threw that bad pick at the end there. Two terrible plays.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Honestly, the thing that makes them just like everyone else, if they're going to give up 220 rushing yards to, I mean, I know it's Derek Henry, but that defense can't take weeks off. That's for sure. Otherwise you're going to look at 34, 17 every week.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Wednesday, yep.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
You know what? I think they're mid-carders.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Who's the good WWE comp from the 80s? Like David Bruno, Sam Martino?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Tito Santana. All right, yeah. On his way down, I would say. Santana. Cowboy Bob Orton, somewhere in there. Because that's perfect right there. But yeah, that injury was awful.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Yeah. Vida Vey? I don't know. No, but that was an awful injury. It was gross. It was a lot of emotion. And then the sadness turned to outright hate when Fairbairn missed that extra point, which basically took him out of the game. I know, he had ice for a half hour.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
When Fury came out with those trunks and they were so high, they were like just right under the nipples. And you're like, oh yeah, he's hiding that gut. But he kept coming at him. I mean, I hadn't seen heavyweights like that where usually you're going to get clenches for... half the round, you didn't get, you got like one or two per round. Like those guys were just thrown at each other.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
I know he's beaten it twice, but I don't, you know, it's weird because neither guy was rocked to a point where, oh man, he's really in trouble in either fight, I don't think. But I'd love to see it again.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Would you want him to fight Drake May? Drake May would beat him. I think you believe that, too.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
We have a guy.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Yeah, but it was an angry guy. I was such a Romo guy there and he won. When he beat Pittsburgh, that was, that was, that was like an Angelina Aniston thing. Yeah, my hormones were way out of whack that season.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
He's stuck on a bad team, I think, right now, but I was looking at his comps against Malik Neighbors this year. Neighbors has been out a bunch, but still has more catches and not nearly as many yards or touchdowns or anything else. The guy just knows how to get open. I was looking at these odds. It doesn't matter if Jaden Daniels is going to win, but I think it's a handful of guys who are second.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
You can put Bowers. You can put Bucky Irving. You can put Brian Thomas Jr. right in there, I think, for second.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
We're not offering insurance. Yeah, yeah. God bless, you know, Kami Phan and Ringer pregame show co-host Joe House. And I picked this Washington team to make the playoffs. And Jaden, thanks for the Offensive Rookie of the Year loot. But I can't wait to bet against this team in the wildcard round. I mean, the starting quarterback goes out.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Right.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
It's hard. I'm not going to say it's hard to pick then a quarterback, but some of these guys are in such spread weird offenses in college. It's tough to see which is going to translate, even with pro days and timing and everything else. But yeah, he was a steal.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Well, doesn't Donald have 32? Is it 33 to 32? I mean, that could be a good week 18. That'd be fun.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
I would. Well, you told me the same thing about Mac Jones, and I didn't believe you, but yeah, no, you're right. No, if anything else, we could stop the Goff and cold weather, can't get it done thing. He's now done it in Green Bay. He's done it in Chicago. This was an easy trap game, as bad as Chicago has been, and they butchered him.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Here comes Caleb. I want him to break the record. Nobody's sacking him enough anymore. It's going to be David Carr's record still. He has like 60. He needs 70. David Carr is going to be popping the champagne yet another year. It's like he has a franchise record. He has a franchise record for sacks. Like if they told the Bears like, hey, this quarterback is Caleb Williams.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
He's going to set a franchise record this year. You'd be like, oh, this is great. Really? Franchise record. Yeah. Hundreds of years.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Five turnovers for Washington and a drop pass, maybe the worst big drop pass of the year by Devonta Smith, which would have run the clock out.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
He can move unlike Kirk Cousins. He was, what was he, 18 for 27, 202. I bet maybe you think this is a dumb bet anyway. I bet no interceptions because I thought they were going to put kid gloves on him. There's going to be a lot of Bijon. There's going to be a lot of screen passes. And that fucking Kyle Pitts. Oh, the worst player in NFL history.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
And it doesn't even count as a fumble because he catches the ball and bats it right to the defender. He even drops the ones he catches. They're not called fumbles. Drafted fourth overall. That's a bad pick. That's the worst.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
It's not good. It's the pits for sure. That said, Falcons defense was the add drop of the decade. Anyone who had the Falcons defense picked them up Thursday, Friday. Good job by you. You won your fantasy week.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Terrific. One of the most entertaining. Obviously, the fastest you've seen, headfirst sliding, taking the base off, just holding the base over his head. We just don't see it anymore because no one's breaking the records like he does. But yeah, I think you're right about the social media. He would be just what Major League Baseball needed. For Mike Trout, you can't get any good sound bites at all.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Ricky Henderson would be all over. He would be basically Yogi Berra from 2000 and before.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Oh yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
His hearing was very bad, so maybe he just didn't notice it. No, he was great. He put his hearing in it. He was so much fun. What a bummer.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
He was on the Mets and Yankees. You can nail the Immaculate Grid with him all over the place.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Let's do it. You're up 8-7-1 heading into week 17. Yeah, 8-7-1.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
What? I mean, CBS?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
The one where you mail in the DVDs and you get them back?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
It's a lot.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Yeah, it's weird if Tony Dungy just asks himself the questions. So I guess that's how it has to be. That would be amazing. You'll learn a lot from this guy, Jack. Just ask him anything. The Cowboys just play. That's the greatest game I've ever seen, Jack.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Yeah, it's not as cold when we're screaming at the TV in our toasty living room.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Here's where the cheating, the Netflix cheating begins. I had three. It is two and a half. Exactly.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
They wouldn't do that?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Your Celtics play at 2 o'clock our time, so you should be good.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Yeah. But, yeah, but Washington needed every bit of everything we just named to win that game. I mean, are they the full shit team? I mean, they, you know, starting with the Hail Mary, I know maybe a few unlucky breaks with injuries, but honestly, as a seven seed, I'm good.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
No Stefan Diggs. Mid-carders. Salvatore Belomo. Here we go. Salvatore Belomo.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
All right. That's exactly what I had. It is three and a half.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Barely.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
I changed it to four and a half. We're going to split it. It is three and a half. I went four and a half. Yep.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Well, that's a freaking disaster.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
I had three and a half. And I still need some convincing that it shouldn't be. You're right. It's one and a half. You get it. What did you guess? I had three and a half. Oh, Jesus.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
I know.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
It shouldn't be. It shouldn't be. Packers off a short week and Vikings. Don't get me wrong. I'm going to take the Packers after all this nonsense talk.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
It's a Saturday game. Saturday morning, right? For us.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Yeah, it's three Saturday games. Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Bad hosting. I win the week. This is like you not signing your golf card at the end.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
All right. Well, I was way irrational here. I said five and a half. It's three. Nobody trusts. Vandal does not trust the Bengals at all. This does feel like a game too, by the way.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
It's Rams. I got this exactly. It's five and a half.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
You're going to get this. I said nine and a half. Why is it nine and a half? It's eight and a half. No, I did get it. Teaser. They played what? Two weeks ago? Three weeks ago?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
They're talking about signing him for next year already. I was looking into this. Keeping him around.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Yeah, you're going to get it anyway. I said 8.5. It is 10.5. You could have stuck there. Oh, Jesus. That's too high. 34-6, they beat us.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Well, is it going to be a dependent neurologist or an independent neurologist that tests us? We shouldn't make jokes. I don't know.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Right. Yeah, it's true. They like beating the Cowboys. That's why.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Let's take that. Let's figure something out with that.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
I had three. It is two and a half.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
You should guess under. Guess under a touchdown.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Shit. I said six. It's seven and a half. You got it.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Damn. Hold on. Let me count. Can I even win? You're done. Seven, eight, nine, two, three, four, five, six. You're right. Three. I'm down three with three left.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
I got Jags minus one and a half. I think this is a neutral field line. Man, I can't believe how much I'm losing by half a point here. I said two. It is one and a half. I'm on it today. Really, it's like when the Patriots were cheating at their best. The spy cams and everything, stealing signs, everything.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
And it was 10-6 a couple weeks ago.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
for the falcons oh it's a good game does it mean anything for the washington i know there's like a three percent chance they don't make it or something but uh that that touchdown now that really did kill me does it mean anything let me see so no they could still i think no seattle or atlanta like the the seattle atlanta combo could catch them right
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Right. No, I know. I saw Kornacki.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
I get this. I said four. It's four and a half. But I think that's a little high.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
you have to think he'll be back hurts. Right. And so if that's the two seven matchup. Yeah. Now it's now it spells doom. I think for Washington, I don't think there's any way Philly loses.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Atlanta has Kyle Pitts, though.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Oh, my Lord. Wait, did I maybe six, eight, three? Yep, I won. No, no, you won. 10-8. Damn.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Is this a get right game for the Niners offense? If the Lions are that banged up, now have to travel.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
I like that movie a lot. And I like where you're coming from. Should we bet the Vikings this week? Isn't that kind of the same thing?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
All right.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
For the division?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Minus 290 for Detroit, plus 240 for the Vikings. I guess we could just do that. You can't be the one seed and not win the division, right?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
So he has to get lucky and have big games.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Well, he threw an interception. God forbid. That's good. That's a good battle, I think.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Philly's defense needs to be a little better. That's for damn sure.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Wait a minute.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Because of the Colts and Dolphins. Wow. Numbers are fun. Yeah, the Colts are plus 390 and the Dolphins are plus 820. And Denver's minus 280. So the Colts need Denver to lose to Cincinnati, and then they need to win their last two, which you said were very easy, right? Who was it? The Raiders?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
That's a fun one.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Yeah. Why are they favored? I go back and forth as to who that's going to matter for. Well, now it's going to matter for Denver, right?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
They have to win both. Yeah. Yep, that makes sense. interesting and then we have conference I think Denver would only have to win one Simmons because that minus 280 wouldn't be minus 280 if they have to win both would it be?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
For me, the action is the juice. That's it, Billy Sizemore. I like it. We're staying put.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Yeah, it's all right. He's in Vegas. He'll be fine. He's in Vegas for like three and a half weeks.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Oh, yeah. Yeah, we should start rooting for the Dolphins now.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Well, they're only a three-point underdog at Cincy, so they're right there. What do you got for parent corner? Parent corner. All right. So, I mean, you would thank you for checking up on me there Saturday. It did turn out my son did not have ringworm. So we did have to go to the tournament. I had to drive him to get weighed in because the team doesn't have buses at 7 a.m. Sat in my car.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
I bet EPL like a lunatic. Tournaments are at 930. All these games going on. You know, it was supposed to be. Luckily, the games weren't great. But, you know, I still had to watch wrestling till like 2 p.m. So my car from 7 a.m.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
It was like 230. I got home just in time for it. Yeah. OK. So but you and I were talking about this and I feel like we should go further with it. This is I think you said something like we do these things. Why? So that our kids don't abandon us later in life when we need. Oh, you want to talk? This is this is a depressing text thread we had. It was.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
But I think it's I think we should make it official. I don't know what we call this, but we should make agreements with our kids.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Yep.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
I like it, but I wonder if we present it like right away, like right when they move out, when they're 18 years old, you have a list, like a scroll of stuff. I don't know if we call it a parental prenup or a kinsurance maybe. But, and you like, you just show your kid. Kinsurance. Kinsurance. That's what it is.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Yeah, it's like, hey, remember you got a D in geometry, and I found out, and you told your mother you got a C. And, well, I never said anything. So you have to shop for me when I'm old. And remember I took you to wrestling tournaments in Orange County at 6 a.m. all throughout the fall? And I had to watch Penn State, and I had thousands of dollars on a teaser.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Also, for your benefit, on my phone from the smelly bleachers, you're going to wipe me when I turn 80, all right? Right. If I bail you out of juvenile detention, you're building a ramp in my house when I can't walk up the stairs. I think we should have to lay it out for these kids as we're, you know, it's not like, all right, plus you get money, whatever, if I pass on.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
But I think this needs to be an official thing.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
I would never see him after he turns 50. No, no, no.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
No, he's like the Dallas Cowboys. Like, you know what? Why couldn't you be good early in the season, early in my life? Why are you turning it on now as a grandparent? No, I shouldn't say that. He's a great dude. Insurance. Why are you trying to finish nine and eight? What would you say to Ben? What would you present to Ben?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
It's better than that. He's got girls over right now.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Not as many as Ben, but yeah, somewhere.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Yeah, right, now the Philly loss. Yeah, you're right. I didn't think about that. Yeah, I mean, listen, I think I have to go to Vikings intervention. You have to throw an intervention for me because every Sunday I come on here and I praise Sam Darnold, and he has 32 touchdown passes now. And then Friday, I'm like, oh, who are they playing? They're not going to show up this week.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
I think 30, 40 years ago, it's more of a power. Now, you and I watch sports all the time, so it's going to be... Do you think we'd even phase us because sports is on all the time? But also, our TV breaks into four bots. There's always going to be something interesting that they're going to walk in on.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Right. What I want to know is maybe like a fox, she's been hanging out in the driveway listening to the Celtics game.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
She's a bigger Celtics fan than you are, it turns out. She's actually roots harder than you. I wouldn't be surprised. She's the greatest practical joker of all time.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
That's great.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
A lot of deliveries, a lot of vaginas. She delivered 14 of Tiny Archibald's babies. Calvin Murphy. No idea. What do you got for the holidays? How many people? Well, we got, we got a ringer pregame show next Sunday. I don't know if I mentioned I'm 14 and two with my wisest wager against.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
I didn't mention it now. 14 and fricking two. That's pretty good. Christmas games. We'll talk about on against the odds of the NBA picks. We got a lot for you there. And that's it. Just sticking around. What do you got? How many people? How many people for Christmas?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
I think Thanksgiving's a bigger pain in the ass to navigate because you have that hour. You actually have to sit at a table. Christmas, you have the same kind of thing. But opening gifts doesn't take forever anymore, does it?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Well, how long did you knock even, even so?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
I need a wife who delivers babies or something so she can go and I'll let her know when to come in.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Well, I don't care about your other podcast. No, against all odds, you'll hear it Tuesday morning. We'll do it right after the Monday night game. And like I said, ringer pregame show on Sunday. Check it out. All right.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
I'm going to take Seattle. And I get it right in the keister. I mean, it's ridiculous what Minnesota and Darnold are doing. And I'll probably take the Packers next week.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
I just came from seeing them. I think that's a problem.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
I thought you were going to do the orgasm face again. I was worried there. No, that was great.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
They caught you off guard?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
844.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
They got a little lucky because they got the face mask. Was it a face mask called on Darnold? It's one of those things where there's three guys about to sack him and one of the idiots puts his hand on the face mask. You got to call that. There's nothing about it. But it was a great throw. And he is so... So cool on the pressure and marches him right down the field.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
And Jefferson has five touchdowns in the last three games. I don't want to say he was missing. He was MIA the first 10 weeks.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
It's worth the wait. So worth the wait. I got to tell you, Bill. I know I can't root against them. I hate it. I know it cost us draft picks in certain order, and I know I have Tampa Bay to win the NFC South, and yet when that defense plays with the intensity that it did, it is very hard to root against the Cowboys. You have to feel that way, too. Come on. Come on.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
I think they are too, and I think they play defense. And if you talk about the four or five top teams, obviously the Lions didn't kill them today, but their front seven is injured. They have 22 guys on IR or out. Most of those are defensive players. We saw the Bills defense. I don't know how much more you need to see out of that. Who else? Philadelphia was bad today.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Really just like the Chiefs and Vikings are the only two teams defensively right now with a few weeks left that I'm comfortable with.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
I'll admit it. Yeah. He was, I mean, you know, listen, you give him, you give him 15 chances to score from inside the five. He's going to, he's going to hurt you. That's what he did at the end. Don't you don't do that. Cause he will show you up. Come on.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
Well, they play the Rams, right?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
I mean, your team didn't win, but you know what I'm saying, right?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NFL’s Holiday Overload, Darnold’s Crazy Year, Week 16 Murders, and Guess the Lines
And those Rams will, I mean, there's a couple games they've won scoring one or no or two touchdowns, right? They just get it done.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Yeah. House and I are doing the anniversary of a house seats three. That's when it was right. It was in new Orleans.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
I'm going to try. It's happening. It's happening this time.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
And we still will. We'll spend the next six days trying to convince ourselves, all right, the Bills can win this. Yeah, the Bills are going to win this going away. But yeah, they are just too hard to beat. And I know everyone wants to take the refs and I don't know. I don't know what to say. Like I, you know,
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
I have a friend, Harry, you know, and he is just so ridiculous with these refs and he'll like bring a petition in front of Arrowhead Stadium because he thinks it's so fixed for the Chiefs. I was like, just shut up already. And then I watched this game. I'm like, those are some bad calls. I still don't think the Texans played well enough to win. Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
I was like, my God, that's three or four bad calls and they need to do something.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Listen, they reviewed touchdowns, right? They reviewed turnovers. A 15-yard penalty, the way these guys are kicking the ball from 55, 58 yards, it almost always puts you in field goal range. So it is a scoring play, essentially. I'll say that. And the other thing I'll say is Mahomes, he's such a master of taking a late hit or maybe not a late hit.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
First of all, when he turns into the hash mark and takes a hit, that looked like a Madden glitch there. So if he's getting away with that, that's terrible. But the sideline crap where he's just falling over, it's like, remember like Seagal, Steven Seagal, like 15 years ago, they'd show these highlights of him doing the bullshit Aikido or whatever it is. And he's barely touching people.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
With the painted in goatee. Yeah, and they're doing cartwheels like they were hit by a snowplow. That's what Mahomes is doing on the sideline. I think they need to call flopping too now like they do in the NBA and soccer.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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I guess so. I respect it. Like I respect the art form. There are people who like diarrhea on a canvas and be like, Hey, uh, 300 grand for this. Like, I don't know.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
So everybody's settled down. That part's right. Can both be right that he was babied as a quarterback on some of these late hits?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
So was Aaron Rodgers. What star quarterback wasn't babied? I'm mostly with you because I don't think these Brady was whining.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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Well, maybe Lamar Jackson should, maybe they should teach a course and Lamar Jackson should pick it up. And Jared Goff should pick up the same thing. I don't know.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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I think he was helping, doing all he could in the beginning. But I don't know. It's fine. It's fine. He's no Collinsworth.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Bill, how are you going to be as good as me?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
I don't think I'm going to film until March, to be honest.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
It makes me feel good. If I have to pretend to be bopping along the Jay-Z while they show highlights going into halftime, Jay-Z would be great. That's the last 35 years. It's fine. It's not pressure. It's not any of the pressures.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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Just do the drum solo after every play.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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No, I wasn't at all. And C.J. Stroud was better than I thought. Like, I thought, remember his second playoff game last year, he went to Baltimore and got destroyed. And this, he was making plays with his legs. Like, that's not really his game, what he was doing. And, you know, he was hitting his receivers and everything. I don't know. They stuck around.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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And, you know, there's like a 10 minute drive that touchdown for Mixon. Yeah, it was huge.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Yeah. So I don't even know where we are with CJ Stroud anymore, to be honest. I feel like that's just the guy you and I are going to flip flop over and over the next seven years a dozen times. But he did an admirable job.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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about as much as the lines makers thought because it came down to that very half a point but um i mean shit are the chiefs just playing a joke is it like just like a clubhouse joke like hey we had 212 total yards uh can we win with 100 total yards spags right map it out what let's see you got us we're good okay i just feel like it's just a challenge for them to do so little and win
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Yeah, right.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
And yet it looks like he's attending an old timers game. He looks so slow compared to everyone else out there.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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He's so open. He's got like 20 yards around them. Aikman's good because I really feel like he's, um, I don't know. Should we give awards for like come, come back announcer of the year and come back in the decade.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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And it's because he's angry. He and Buck do a good job going after the refs. Obviously, they had the perfect game to do it for this. But angry Aikman is just terrific. I mean, they must have... I don't remember a comeback like this. I don't know what they do before the game to get him so ornery. But good job.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Yeah. Yeah, they're very good. Yeah, they're very good. I do like Greg Olson, though, I will say. I don't even want to say he's underrated because I think he's getting a good pop lately.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Yeah, when you have Taylor, Caitlin, and the frickin' Rizzler there, and the refs, forget it. Game over. Rizzler.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Depends who you bet. So I feel like nobody deserved to win this bet against the spread, right? Because they're up, what were they up? They were up 11, the Chiefs, and Fairburn tries a gimme field goal and misses. So now if you have the Texans, you're like, that sucks. They should have lost by eight, right? But then, all right, so now, Depending on what you got at eight and a half or not.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
I think the reason they did that is because the only thing that would have killed them is a block punt. And it wouldn't have killed them because they still needed to score twice.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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I feel like I should get an emergency alert on my phone if it moves to nine and a half.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
We've gotten so many of them lately. What the hell? So that was ultimately good for FanDuel? Um, that was bad for, that was bad for the books because you could have gotten eight and a half with the chiefs.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
And if you bet Texans nine and a half, you, I never understood. I never. Yeah, no, that one's kind of, yeah, that's that they got screwed by that point. So everybody was saying, oh, it's rigged for the books and everything. No, that's not the example you want to use. They lost both ways, but I'm trying to think in general, if they lost money, like you and I are idiots.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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I don't know. It's just all overs all over the place.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
I think he's too young, yes. I got scared when you said that.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
That doubled up. They were even to win the conference before Saturday. I was like, that's ridiculous. They'll take care of the commanders and then they'll beat up whoever, especially if the Eagles come to town, but not meant to be.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
I'm with you. And this is where we should have bed insurance, betters insurance, right? Yeah, that's true. But yeah, also, yeah, if you're receiving the punt in the end zone, maybe, but don't run back a quarter of a mile. Right.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Most of those guys, that's all they do is they're on the kick return or the punt return team. Just don't hold.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
With the punt return, that was like forever when we were growing up. It was like, all right, stand at the seven. If you have to take one step back, let it go over your head. That seemed to work out. I don't know why they changed that. What's the new Edith?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
The Chiefs, they big brother the Bills, I think. They're like, yeah, we didn't even care that you beat us in the regular season.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
That's excellent. And I think you're right because the most important thing for Eagles fans is that they get their angry at their team. And because they let up the last touchdown and almost another one that would have lost the game, they could still be angry at the team, but they get to watch them play another game.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Yeah. He has four playoff wins. Let me just add to that while I have it here. Four playoff wins, career-high passing in those games, 156. So weird.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
I felt the tight end in every game should have been hit more, right? Except for maybe Andrews at the end. But Goddard, Ertz did an amazing job. We'll talk about that in a minute. But yeah, and then, you know, the big moment for me with Ertz is like, what the hell? You're not getting rid of that ball. Another safety that didn't make any sense.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Beat him this year, beat him last year. That's going to be a fun one. All of a sudden, it's okay rooting for the Cowboys. We were easily in the best division in football. If you had to repower rank everybody, Cowboys would be fifth or something in football, in the NFL?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
That'll be what we call it. It was going to be, and then it maybe wasn't going to be, right? And then he solidified it. He's like, no, no, no, this is all me.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
I had them make the playoffs, but I did not think they'd have 14 wins. But it is interesting how that became the division, right? And the NFC North was, I keep comparing it to the SEC, who has no participants in tomorrow night's game. I think they were 29-4 outside of division and then just got murdered in the playoffs.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Yeah, there was one indoor game. The other three, I would say this clearly gave one of the teams, the home team, the advantage, the weather, right? The cold weather and the slipping all over. And you just knew Barkley was going to break one of every three or four runs. It's just crazy. I don't know if he was going to slide short of a touchdown, which he likes to do.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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But that is incredible what he put himself through and everybody else.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
I love it. So you like it, too, right? I love it, too. I have some buddies that, you know, like you're just like, no, this is just we're not seeing the best of every team if they're playing with a shiny K-ball that they can't hold on to. I like the home field advantage. Am I a hypocrite to say I don't like it in the Super Bowl?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
I didn't like it when Denver played Seattle and it just looked like, oh, yeah, I'm going to be a shit fest. But put those in a warm weather climate. But I like everything leading up.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
I personally- I guess John Jastrzemski would have a different answer. It depends who you root for, right? If you're a Dolphins fan.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
To me, if you're a historian and you love NFL films and you love watching that and just like there's nothing better than, you know, guys grinding it out.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
We almost had a seven versus six in the NFC Championship, right? Like the Rams almost had a home game. It would have been nuts to think a month ago. But yeah, I'm proud of that team, and they did a nice job.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Okay.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
House is all right. House is going to play either way. Uh, next week. It's the Rams fans. And you know what? Let's give Jack Wilson's phone number on here. So people, let's give it to the Rams fans. I will give it at the end of the show.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Yeah. Wait, there is no answer, right? I don't think so. You'll have some Midwest. I'm going to try Tampa. I don't think it's ever. I'm not going to go through all of them. I don't think it's ever happened. All right. Yeah, House is not going to Philly, is he? Oh, yeah. He's going. He's going to go? Oh, yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
They have to be on their best behavior now, the Eagles fans, because they're all recorded and they're going to lose their jobs if they curse or do anything.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Being at the game, you could do it. There was nothing better than putting your hands around your neck, your own neck.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
It's like seven questions. My God. Yes.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
They'll get back. Yeah. No. I know what you're saying. I think Campbell's good. I think their offense is excellent. I think that defense was decimated. I think after a while, you just can't... They lose three more defensive players during the game. The cornerback goes out immediately. You just can't put bodies in eventually.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
I don't want to take anything away from Jaden Daniels because I want to make a case for him being the best rookie postseason quarterback we've ever seen. But... That said, for God's sakes, how many guys have to go down, right? And I don't know. Counter? I don't know that division is so tough after all. I don't think he's going to see Minnesota with 14 wins again. So I think they can come back.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Go ahead, counter.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
That play, he wasn't even in on that play. It's an empty backfield on third and one.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
And you got Gibbs, I think at the time he was averaging 19 yards a touch. And he's not even, I don't even, I don't care.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Yeah. As a decoy. But that's awful.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Why are you running wide receiver pass plays? Do you think that was a directive to James and William to just throw it no matter what? We don't care if the kid, the guy's triple teamed or hey, you're the fastest guy on the field. Let's take it outside. And unless, only if he's wide open, will you throw it? I think it's somewhere in between. But the Ben Johnson thing is interesting, right?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Like all these coordinators get jobs. Unless they're on the Super Bowl winning team, their last game is almost always terrible, right? Like Shane Steichen, we've seen it. It just almost has to be. And you're right. He had like four or five really curious calls, but 45 points is a lot for the other team.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
my wife would probably say it was my fault.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
If I told Harrison, don't cross the street unless you, there's not a car visible for a quarter of a mile on your left or right. I think it's a different thing. I don't know what he said. You're right. It's dumb that they should have had to run more. Because if they go up 14-3, that third and one play, they're up 7-3. They go up 14-3, that building's bananas. It's a whole different story.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
It was already loud. And then maybe, I don't know, maybe they don't come back, Washington.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
He was great. But, I mean, what's going to be your bottom line here? If they give up 60, is that a bad outing? Like, 45 is still a lot.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
They're zero blitzing the shit out of him. And I bet him the throw interception. I'm like, nothing against Jaden Daniels. This is just such a tough spot and such a loud... place. And if he drops back 35 times, one of them is going to end up in the Lions defenders hands. But he was getting blitz. He was like waiting, waiting. And he always had, there was always a guy open. He was so smart.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
I was, but I also thought the Ravens were unfairly favored in this game, right? I thought the Bills should have gone into this game when we did this last Sunday night. I was like, the Bills should be, they're a better team. They were treated like they were the seventh seed. Like they had just won the NFC South. Like they're getting a point and a half or whatever at home.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
And then, yeah, that's what went on.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
You can't break him at all. Mentally, he's just on a different level
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
He just, he's like having a great time. He's just like, ah, look at this. He's like a smarter than Vince Young with all the physical, you know, comparisons. And I'm trying to think what you do because you can't compare him to any of the other rookie quarterbacks. playoff performances. He's better than Flacco was. We never thought Flacco would... No, I did these on Thursday.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Well, King won a game, but only three got to the championship game, I think. I think it was Sanchez, Purdy, and Flacco. Sean King did too. Yeah. No, not the championship game. He did? Yeah, there was five. I had it... Hold on.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Oh, was it Big Ben too?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
I know it flipped from Sunday night. So I thought this is as much a problem for Josh Allen and his legacy as Lamar. But you're right, except for one thing. The discourse is not smarter. The discourse is garbage. Yeah, true. Yeah, it's awful. People don't know how to watch games anymore. But I did feel bad for him, for sure. But again, it wasn't his fault. So, in a way, he gets a pass, right?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
It's a weird trajectory, right? So you don't want to peak at the wrong time because it's very hard to play great football for 17 weeks, 18 weeks. So there was those weeks two to six or whatever where he didn't throw an incomplete pass or some shit. It was really weird, right? It was just dominant. Then you're right. They had the rib injury and whatever. They weren't as good. But he picked up
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
perfectly that Atlanta game. That was only a couple of weeks ago on Sunday night. If they lose that, that's a whole different, you know, this whole is shakes up differently, the seedings and everything. So yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
No question about it. Yeah, the Eagles are praying for weather conditions like today, right? They may even have the game moved to somewhere like Anchorage, Alaska or something. Because, yeah, that's the only key. That's the only thing we're missing. And their coaching staff, they did a great job. They did a great job drafting and the GM, and they got the terrible owner out of there, Snyder.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
I feel like Dan Quinn, if you don't ruin his life with the 28-3 game, is Dan Quinn like a top two or three coach in the league?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Yeah. Maybe not entirely his fault.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
That's another example of a guy who his last game was bad and they still hired him away. Right. The Packers game was just miserable.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
We don't need six new playoff teams every year, but if we get three and one of them's like Washington has a real run at this and almost plays the Rams in the championship game, it's dynamite stuff. I'm going to miss it.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Except for the turnovers.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
What if they forget that Gibbs is on the team, despite the fact that he has 19 yards to carry?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
And you have people like me and you saying, is that it? Is the window closed on this team that won like 15 games?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
I think they can get this far for the next couple of years. But yeah, this should definitely have been one they rolled. They might have taken him lightly too. Well... I mean, Laporta's catch was dynamite. Like, there were so many turning points, right? When the 76 points scored, you could point to 30 plays. Like, oh, that's gone different.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
But when Laporta catches the ball and doesn't make use of one of his hands, arms, it's like, oh, shit. All right, that's it. They're toying with him now.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
I think the gambling god said to, all right, Sal, Bill, you had a good year. You bet all these money line favorites. You got to keep your money. New year, not so fast.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
We're not letting you win with another big favorite. Your wager warranty has expired. Pay the fuck up.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Maybe four, though.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Okay. I'm still saying like, you know, the Lions... They had a ton of yards. I just I wish they had like two defenders back, like two, just two out of the 20.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
I don't know why.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Well, you got the kicker massaging his scalp in all different OCD directions on the sideline. You're like, yeah, he's not ready. Just, you're going to have to take a snap here.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
And I'm with you with that. Like we went over the others.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Okay, but if Joe House was just getting really loud and obnoxious with us, could we throw the, hey, remember RG3 card at him? Would we be able to do that? Or is this completely different? Yeah, I don't know. I mean, they were excited about him for over a year.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
You got to write that down. We're not going to remember that.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
That list I showed you was the shakies of coaches list, by the way. It was. Yeah, it was Robert Sala. I mean, Flores was in there. Kellen Moore. Deion Sanders, of course. Jason Witten. I guess we're just going to keep trying Jason's until one of them works. Like, I don't freaking know. Yeah, bring Kingsbury in. And people didn't want to interview him, right?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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Like, the Steelers passed on him last year for defensive coordinator. Three teams didn't even want to hear from him this year.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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Yeah, Kyler's a tough one to navigate.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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I pulled into the parking lot. There were some models, the cars that were, it seemed like they were made, you know, after 1979 to be driven of more than 20 minutes. Right. And it was, uh, it was clean. The bathroom, I, I clenched my fist, but it was good. And, uh, Yeah, food still, whatever. It's fine.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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I wasn't going to go. And then if Jon Hamm's like, you're going, right? I'm like, this is kind of weird if this guy who's in like 700 movies currently is going.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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Oh, you son of a bitch. I'm behind. Why would you do that? Then it was the season finale was a week ago. It's a spoiler? A little bit. A little bit. I don't know. I mean, it's the first time I'm hearing it. All right, that's fine. I mean, he looked good today. I don't know. You're saying he died?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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Whatever our chat. I'm with you. Like two years is, you know, if you're telling people the Sopranos traded to black.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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Can I just, I know it's more exciting to be outraged, but can I defend him and some of the others we saw turn the ball over today? Yeah, it was 12 degrees. It's fucking cold. It's fucking cold out. It is. So we're on text chains with people like, what happened to the Eagles defense down the stretch? Why did they, why they didn't look like that at all? Well, it's cold and they're exhausted.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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What are they saying? Give him Jack Wilson's number.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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He's not going to pardon you, I hope, in his last few hours here. Yeah, two weeks is for two weeks notice. You get two weeks notice, right?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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And Brad went after you about your documentary. We don't have to go into the details. He gave you a very honest opinion. Shakey's, where you go for C-minus pizza and to get berated by... It was great.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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Well, and especially since you didn't even know what kind of Shakey's you were walking into, although I guess you knew the neighborhood, so it wasn't as, it wasn't as scary.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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By the way, you heard the hack there where you could turn off the 15 second delay?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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That's amazing. How did we not know about that? Why didn't they tell us? They should let people know. I mean, that wouldn't count as a spoiler. That would actually be something good for everyone.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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I can't imagine the idea of burning calories while watching a football game. I have to take a bite of something every play.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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He wanted to dive into traffic.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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I'm up one week.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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Like that's why they gave up the touchdown for the backdoor cover and almost the touchdown to go ahead. Why isn't Henry in there every play when he's running so well? Well, it's cold. So maybe they need a break. So I think we, we forget about the human element. It's cold. The ball is so shiny. It's easier to fumble. That was a great hit by Bernard on Andrews to force the fumble.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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I don't either. And it's going to be liberating when I can smack you with a Subway sandwich. Although I'm almost positive you're going to guess these two. Exactly right. Look at you. You can't even hide it.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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You're going to be mad at me because it did an hour ago was four and a half. And I had guessed five and a half. And I swear on my kids, I like at least two of them. It's five and a half.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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It's five and a half right now. God damn it. So I get that. So you have to get this one. To push.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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Yeah. And what's tiebreaker? I think I have better common opponents, so I think I'm going to win anyway.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
I was off by a full point here. No, I was off by a half a point, but you could get this.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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Oh, yes. Champion, baby. What is it? Two. It's one and a half. You should have put that motherfucker in the Tic Tac Zone.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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Spoiler alert. I win.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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Oh, this is nice. I feel good. My heart's like pumping a little bit for the first time all day.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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Be careful.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Yeah, that's probably right.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Put Ohio State on it.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Yeah, we did it, Jacobes. Listen, I'll trade knowing the ending of Landman for my first title in three decades. So spoiler alert is two weeks.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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Yeah. Yeah, it is funny with this stuff with like you and I trying to figure out Lamar Jackson over props and some 15-year-old makes like $35 million overnight buying a freaking coin. Yeah. The hock to a rose to disappear after a crypto thing. I got my wife the hock to a coin for Christmas. I haven't checked on it. I imagine it's going.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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But that would be my excuse for Lamar. But it doesn't really help Ravens fans right now.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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Another spoiler out of Bill.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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All right, so my 11-year-old Harrison, we've talked about him a couple times already. So he and his class have what's called puberty night, where all the fifth-grade boys go through puberty in the same – no, where they get together and –
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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No, no, I know. It's something like that. But some instructor comes in every Friday for six weeks and talks to them about, lectures them about the body and the biological growth and the birds and the bees and everything like that. And it rotates at different houses. And it's going to be at our house next week. I think it's next week is our Friday. And I'm not invited to any of these.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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Like last Friday or the Friday before there was football, it was college football, so I wasn't there. And last Friday I was off. But I'm not invited. My wife has prohibited me from going because she thinks I'm going to make a mockery out of it. She's like, no, you're too immature. I was like, well, what are you talking about? She's like, well, you know, like some of the-
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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She said, well, I had to know. She's like, well, some of the fathers. I'm like, the fathers are there? She's like, yeah. They'll stand up and talk about the first time they had a boner in class or something. I'm like, that seems fine. I could do something like that. Next time, Jimmy Kimmel Live. You're going to go over the top. You're going to be too over the top.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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You're going to embarrass him in front of his friends. And that's going to be that. It's not good. So I don't know. Of course, she's right. Of course, they're right. But I want to see this because I want when it's at our house, I want to make hot dogs. I want to serve hot dogs. I think that'll be appropriate. But I think like, I don't know, am I too immature for this?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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Oh, that was one of the more mature things I ever did. No, that wasn't good. I think I should do this.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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If it was Mahomes, the referees would have called me for a flag.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Even though I didn't talk. Yeah, he knew the cake was coming. No, but Harrison, he asked my wife. After all this, he asked her, when was your first wet dream? The kid's obviously confused. She's like, no. She answered it was 1996, which is bad news for me. Anyway, these kids have a lot of questions. I don't know if I could help out, but I'm not allowed. Wait, how old is Harrison now?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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He just turned 11.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
I think that's what AJ Brown was reading on the sidelines. Inter excellence. How did you find out? I mean, some friends and everything else, but was there like, I do remember going to like a parent night. I think it was fifth grade, like a, where somebody said, I don't remember. I just don't remember school talking about this. Just health class. Not until middle school. Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
So anyway, your band from this parent night so far, I don't know what I have to do to prove myself, but what are people on the chat?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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I think you just got to ambush him. I hate to say, you got to just be that fan boy.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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Yeah, maybe you corralled Mel Gibson to put him in some kind of chokehold, like Lethal Weapon 2 or something, the bodyguard, and then snapped the picture real quick.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
I don't know what happened there. How about this? How many times did the Ravens punt today? Did they not punt? I know it either ended on a turnover or a score.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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Yeah, he had a Bella girl twerking about, you know.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Where does this, so one to ten, what's wrestling, what's, what's UFC for him?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Right.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Yeah, like Nick Diaz has that look too, Nate Diaz, but he's also a little more approachable too, right?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
I mean, that was supposed to be minus 450. Did anyone there, including you, after the Lions lost, put... Talbot on a big Moneyline parlay.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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Minus 1,100. Oh, yeah. And he lost.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Yeah, yes. Yes, yes. He lost. He got killed. But anyway. No, but that's great. That's fun. And Adam, and he's a member of QAnon now, Ben?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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I'm glad it worked there and I'm glad they kept it there. I know they were talking about switching it because of what's happened in LA, but I'm glad they showed that it could work and I'm glad it was a good, it sounds a lot better than puberty night. That's for sure.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Well, you're going to have to say peak plushness again. That came out like Collinsworth doing the pass rush.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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Yeah, he really enunciated it.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Yeah, but then he was right back to pronouncing it incorrectly. So there is good in the world.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
That's it, man.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Whatever. Yeah, it's fun. Hey, you tried, kid. You really did. I'm going to go on a nice little run. What a win for you. Yeah. I'm very excited. I don't have to sweat out the Super Bowl.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
We're trying to figure it out. And like... Like, we used to like the Dodgers. You know, we talked about the Yankees of the, you know, the whatever, the Jeter team and everything.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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You hated it, but the, you know, Pettit, all those guys, mostly, and Jeter came through the farm system and, like, you respected that. And now you just sign any free agent and you're like, all right, yeah, tax us, whatever it is. We'll bring it back because Japanese players, Japan will take care of us. Which is printing money over in Japan. They're going to spend money. Yeah. Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
So we're trying to figure out what the equivalent of that is, like with Dubai. Like if the Red Sox signed like three players from Dubai. Right.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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Yeah. Who cares if they're any good? You got all Dubai watching and spending money on them.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Yeah, you're right. And that's a good spot for, you know, yeah. Asian Americans like they'll flourish there. That would have been a good spot. Yeah. They lost their basketball team, but that might've been the second worst decision. Not capitalizing on that.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
What do you mean? You have to change your lineup multiple times a week?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
You love the guillotine, though, right? The guillotine's good. The guillotine was good.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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Yeah, I am starting to get, like, you know, no three-team teasers anymore, right? Unless you use Ohio State or something. Oh, yeah, unless you use, like, the unders. Yeah, that's another, like, milestone part of my year where it gets very sad. Yeah. What are you going to do?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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Yeah, we are going.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
That's a challenge. I think they will. I think they're going to come through.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
I love it. Now, you said he wasn't as excited when he got the invitation as you thought he should be? It's a weird one.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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I think the reason he does it more than anything is because he knows you and I can maybe talk about it on the podcast and then he can maybe play it back to her. Like, you see, sweetheart, you see what I did?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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It's going to be fun. I'm going to push him into a cake if I see one. I can't wait.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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That's where I'll pounce. I'll blow the whistle on him right there. I'm like, hey, he's got his phone in his shoe. Check him one more time. Keep checking him. Yeah, he does do that because we've been to like movie premieres and movie premieres like concerts or something where you have to check your phone in that pouch. And he goes, well, you go through it and everything.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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And then like 20 minutes later, he's like, baby, I'm not going to let them fucking take that. You fucking kid. I'm like, what are you talking about? You're in the same line as me. How did you just pull that off? So.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
You could blow smoke as Scotty Scheffler's doing his back.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
You shoving him into the gallery? It's going to be good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got this nine. Yeah, look at Rory's losing that nine iron. Now, he could probably make... My nine iron's better. It's a bunch of higher quality. He might be able to use his more skillfully, but mine's better. Mine's made in Prague. We're going to have fun. It'll be good. He might leave early.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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Right when they tried the two point conversion to tie it up, you're like, there's no fricking way they're going to get it. Otherwise the spread wouldn't have been one and a half. Like I wish I could live bet the two point conversion, but yeah, yeah, that was bad.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
He might actually leave early. What do you mean? I might drive him so crazy that he's just like on a plane. Like it foregoes the last couple of days. When was the last time you were in a house with him? It was one of the bachelor parties. Might've even been Jimmy's.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
I have a fun video where I threw water on him when he was taking a nap. Remember that one? It was like at a bachelor party. And I'm like, baby, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. He's like, what the fuck you mean? You're kidding. I'm soaking wet.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Thank you, buddy.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Come by next year. You'll be right there with me. Good job by you, bud.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Yeah. Yeah, I don't know where to go with it. I'll say this, though. I feel like the game could change no matter what. It could change what a catch is. You could change replay, what it can cover, what it doesn't. You could add stick them to gloves. But the one thing's a constant, and especially in the playoffs, If you have more turnovers than the other team, it's unforgiving. It really is.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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I mean, Allen had, what, 125 yards passing? Hertz had about the same? If I would have told you in the beginning of the game, hey, beginning of the day, those two guys are not even going to combine for 260 yards. How much money would we have put on the other sides? I guess we would have covered with the Rams. But it is unbelievable, tried and true.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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You turn the ball over, especially on the road in the playoffs, you're going to lose the game.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Yeah. I mean, Derrick Henry's great. He was the steal of a free agency, but I was looking at this line, and I was like, he has just as many games under 100 yards than he has over. They're a little bit fraudulent in the four teams they beat over the last month, the offenses they played, like Pittsburgh twice. Who was it? The Browns and the Texans on that dumb Christmas game where they scored two.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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Yeah. I don't know. I was like, maybe they could figure Henry out and they didn't. I know he had those big drives and it'll end up with decent numbers, but they held them to like 26 yards, I think in the first half. And that was good enough to have that lead was 21, 10. They held on to that.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
A couple big ones to Andrews.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Yeah, well, I had them with the Lions, so I feel like it's already a bust. But yeah, I mean, like I said, I thought they were undervalued in this game, and maybe they weren't the better team. But the Ravens took too long to get going, and those turnovers absolutely killed them.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
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Yeah, you didn't see that Lamar gigantic scramble in the second half or like the fourth quarter, right? I mean, that was there for them in the first half when Henry wasn't really doing it on the ground.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
I know. Like I said, it's not fun and it's not highbrow Warren Sharp type analysis saying it's too cold for these guys. But I think a lot of it is that it made for great viewing. Right. That was fun. We watched the Rams Eagles together in the snow. We've got to all four games are excellent games.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Baltimore Blows It, Jayden Daniels Grabs It, and More From the NFL's Divisional Round With Cousin Sal
Yeah, like Wallace, I forgot he was on the tip. Wow, that's the biggest catch of the game. But yeah, I think you're right. And I thought you were going to go after Harbaugh a little there. It's like, that is a little weird for coaches held in such high regard to now be double digits losses. with, uh, downtown at the break.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
I was getting PTSD watching it. That's how he was drafted, the same stomp. He doesn't change the stomp. He stomps down the... Yeah, all right, so that's mine.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Yeah, how do certain guys figure it out and certain guys don't? It's just weird. And you wonder if they're practicing at all during the week. But go ahead.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
They, yes, he was, at one point it was eight for 22 with like a few dozen yards passing, right? In a close game where you needed him to convert a third down. He wasn't doing it. And you're exactly right. And Steichen has to take shit for this, but the double pass reverse thing,
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
was a better option, even though there was probably a 30% chance that it was a pick six or a fumble, whatever the hell that was called.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Not really.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
I think someone was probably supposed to be blocking that guy, but still, that was their best option. It's really bad.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
It's looking like a really bad draft pick at this point. I feel horrible for the guy, but yeah. Today he was 17 for 38. Yeah, and he made a comeback, like I said. It was eight for 22 at some point. Yeah, so... That goal line thing, because you brought it up, what the hell's going on with that epidemic?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
It happened twice today, where the guys are dropping balls like a quarter of a yard before the goal line. I don't know what goes on.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Yeah, if there was a big end zone. These guys are professional athletes. Right in front of you before you had the orgasm. Yes, it would be the same thing, but you should be able to figure out where not to drop. This doesn't happen in other sports. Juan Soto's not rounding third, and then when he's between third and home, takes off for the dugout.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
I had to mention Juan Soto because he's the greatest player of all time. Maybe you'll get invited in his 22-person suite.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
All I took was a suite.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
I'm sure Jonathan Taylor was pointing and laughing at Deshaun Jackson or whoever the hell did it in college or anything, right? And then they ended up doing it themselves.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Oh, I'm up. Okay. All right, let's see. I could read you who's left on the board. Well, let me just go with Jameis. I love him, though, too. Damn, I really do love him. But I need to see. There's not the excitement. We're not getting to the top of the roller coaster anymore. We just keep falling. You know what I mean?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Yeah, it's not that good. And, you know, he got sacked a bunch and threw four interceptions. But, of course, I had the Browns plus four and a half or five. But, yeah, you can't depend on him at all.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
We should have had house for this. A dessert version of ranking the bad quarterbacks. Krispy Kreme donuts, s'mores. Who gets the Mike and Ikes?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Give me a choice.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Can I go with Howell? We just saw Howell. I can't stand Sam. Mike, I got to... I got to get out of here and go Christmas shopping. I got to go get Jack a Cuisinart. I can't watch this idiot.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
statuesque really good I'll put him on the list because he that was maybe a game they could have played back into teaser territory but not because not while he was in for sure I have I'll take Bryce Young next just because he looked good at the start of the game
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Yeah. Uh, that was, um, Against your team, not exactly the 85 Bears. I'll tell you, I was a little depressed, even though I'm out on my team. When we did guess the lines, it was like one and a half. Then it went to two and a half. I'm like, this team hasn't been favored in 34 games, and now my crap-ass Cowboys team catches the two and a half points, but they stood up, man.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
I think they got pissed off by that. I really do. That was their best complete game since, I look back, since I think the first time they beat the Bills in the Super Bowl, 52-17. This was the After that, the best game they've played.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Yeah, I'll take him. Although, like I said, this is the fat family member to stand next to. You play a team bad enough, and you're going to look good. So Wash Rogers is always there.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
The Jets are like, look, are you sure you want to lose this game at home in front of these fans? We'll give it to you. We're giving you a chance here. Yeah. The fact that Belichick met with them earlier in the year is just, I mean, I do believe it. I do believe it. You hate that.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
No, but I know. But he's not the most righteous dude in the world. I think your second scenario is pretty... It could happen. Like, he kicked the tires. You don't think he'd take a call from Woody Johnson as much as he hated them? It really depends on how much he wanted to break this record.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Actually, I have something to talk to you about, Phil. Yeah. I know it's going to sound weird. Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Yeah, and he really pivoted because he made everyone think he wanted to go for the record for most wins in the NFL. But as it turns out, he wants to go for the most losses all time in college football. And that's why he's with Carroll. No, I think it's a good move. I think he did everything right. And I think you probably said it about like doing all the media for a year. He's loose.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
He still gets it. He's still in tune with the football. Even the girlfriend, I get it. I'm sure they're madly in love, but it really does show that he could like wrangle and relate to younger people. This is going to work. I think it's going to work.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
And so what, you know, the team was six and four and they lost that last two in a conference where, you know, the team that won the conference is like the 12th seed in the NCAA. Like he could turn it around. It's not, it's not, not impossible.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Well, he's going to recruit 35 guys. And so like eight of them have to hit versus NFL where you can only draft like seven dudes and four of them have to hit. I think the odds are in his favor for sure. No rules is good for him.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
It's so funny because the reverse that I saw was that the Chiefs have not scored 31 points this year and any, and they compared it to other teams who have not scored 31 and they will have two wins, three wins, four wins. Like they're all junk. And through the years they've all, been junk. So yeah, there's, there should be a happy medium, but yeah, I mean, that's my Super Bowl, Detroit Buffalo.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
It was, it was, it wasn't good. I wish that game was, it was entertaining, but it just wasn't good. You never, I never thought the Lions could come back. I mean, I know people get on Campbell for onside kicking there, but the Lions gave up 8.2 yards per play. They kind of had to do something at some point. No, can we argue about this?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
You just say it really low. So they kind of can't... Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Allen was jogging for first downs. I mean, he must have looked up and down the roster. So Carlton Davis was hurt. Dorsey was carted off. McNeil, the injury got worse and worse. I get it. He is too aggressive in general. That was too aggressive.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Yeah, but it's also screwed up. I know what you're saying. Like, Goff threw five touchdowns, and he had five interceptions against, was it the Texans? And he won that game, but lost this game.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Yeah, I'm trying to think. The one seed is a little... I saw 43% for Detroit, 34% for the Eagles, and yet Minnesota controls their own destiny. They have tough games, but if they win all three, or I guess four now, they still have to play tomorrow, then they get the one seed.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Your Patriots never did that?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Bill Belichick's defense? No. It sucks for them because if this was the 1950s and we played a 12-game schedule, they would be in dynamite shape.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Even the flip passes on third down that just have to get over the line. Like he's just doing, like I said, he's like jogging out of bounds for seven yards. And maybe it was mostly because it's a lot. I think what we learned from the bills as bad as the defenses and everything is They are a tough out. We saw that with the Rams, right? The Rams had them dead to rights.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
They didn't belong in that game at all. They're a tough out, and when they get up, they're going to get up too much, and it's going to be hard to come back on them. So it might just be enough. By the way, that MVP run, it should be an SB probably for multi-view player of the year, but that MVP is over. I don't know if in reality Saquon ever had a chance, but he's minus 900 now, Josh Allen.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
It's over.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
So, but how many teams could beat him? Like, you know, like, I don't know. They already beat... I know they never count the Chiefs out. Now with Mahomes, it might get sketchy anyway. But who stops them in the AFC? You think like Lamar? Like heads up?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
In August? I thought we did well in August. No, you're right. Yeah. I had enough of the Browns and the Raiders and just shitty teams like that. You learned though. You learned. You learned. I'm still betting Will Levis. I learned a lot.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
But imagine what her reaction would be If she had watched the 10 AM, the 1 PM games out here and then watch Josh Allen. Oh my God, this side doesn't belong in the league or those guys don't want one or the other because they're playing a different brand of football.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
I thought really bad. And they only had two drives in the second half, if I'm not mistaken, I look it up and yeah, I think they just walked into a situation where Philadelphia, you know, first of all, the AJ Brown thing, the squeaky wheel, AJ Brown figured it out. Yeah. If I'm Jahan Dodson, the third string wide receiver, I'm complaining all week.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Talk about how he and Jalen Hurts relationship has changed over the last two months. You'll see your targets will go up, but yeah. And Barkley didn't even have that great a game, but he left, he was gone for the whole second quarter. Yeah. I like the Eagles, but I still don't understand. I based it on Russ, and I'm like, this guy's got to have a bad game.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
He really didn't have that terrible a game. He really didn't. They just never really, I don't know. I know time of possession will indicate this, but the drives were great for Philadelphia. They didn't squander any opportunities.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Yeah, they have trouble there, too. I think they lost their last nine or last nine against the spread in Philadelphia. So I kind of like everything. I took that. That was a win for me. I took them adjusted nine and a half Philly, which was outrageous because Tomlin as an underdog is usually good. But I just figured. And so now they're locked in as a three pretty much.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
I know we're going to play the few, although the Ravens is a big one now. We have the Ravens to win the division. We're back in it a little bit.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Yeah. Maybe I think you're right with this weird 10 day stretch. Maybe we do like I do in the NBA where you take both teams minus nine and a half. I don't know what the equivalent would be in football, but it's not, it should be, we should have known this week was going to be weird with the crap fast Thursday game, San Francisco and the Rams. That was so bad too.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Is there an MVP case for George Pickens? Maybe that should be a separate award, right?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Yeah. Very weird because it seemed like Baker was going to have a reckless type of game, right? And then he just righted the ship. I feel like Herbert, you know, he was really only like Thursday where he came off the injured list. He did not look good at all. Yeah, he wasn't thrown with force.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Well, yeah, because there are four teams, right? And you kind of have to win like all 12 games before you lose a game, right? To make money. I don't know. It's tough. That game sucked. The whole day sucked. I was so disappointed. It was like nine hours of Tyson versus Paul. Like this was supposed to be a great day. It's still football, so it's great.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Do you think they're afraid of the, well, they're afraid of the result because what were you like 130% conversion on fourth down with Belichick and Brady? Brady had got stepped, I think twice out of 1200 plays.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Right. So maybe that's the thing. I'm exaggerating, but. No, maybe not. Look back. I don't, you know, listen, I have you right where I want you. I want you to be infatuated with this Drake May because otherwise you get sidetracked and we talk about the NBA cup and pretend that it's great for 15 minutes every Sunday. I love it.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
They were excellent. And I just think we have to look at Josh Jacobs for these next few weeks like we look at Barkley and we look at Henry. He's just going to take control of games. I really do. I don't know what happened. I don't know what kicked into gear. I mean, he's been good all year. Tonight he was special.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Yeah. That said, they're plus 180. I mean, the Rams didn't impress me at all Thursday night. I know it was in the rain and everything, but I feel like 49ers dropped seven balls on offense and defense today.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
one of them catch it's a different story but guys quitting on the sidelines they're in the game yeah yeah that's all kind of stuff happening uh plus 180 though for seattle they could they could i know you're down on them right now and you have enough on it but i could see them well gino got hurt what happened to gino right that's true we have to see i know it was a knee injury so yeah how mr howell's not taking him anywhere i was really i gotta say i was really disappointed in seattle
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Yeah, that game was disgusting. That Cooper Cup with a massive middle finger to fantasy owners. I mean, no catches. Like an Andre the Giant-sized middle finger. And they still won that game.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
But not one game was solidly compelling from start to finish. I'm so disappointed. I didn't even lose that much money.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Well, they end with the two teams in their division, right? I do think this is the one division that'll come down to week 18. They're home against Seattle on January 5th.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
That pass was so bad, too. So bad. That was one of the worst of the day. And because he got sandwiched. Meanwhile, the guy from behind didn't really get him at all. There was nothing illegal or nothing, you know, even close. But from the front, it looked worse than it was. Some of these pass, the roughing the passers are like Justin Fields got one. It's like, I don't know.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
There's been some really bad ones. They're like, oh, well, they hit him high. It's like, yeah, because he went low at the very last second. Otherwise, that's not high.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
You're selling Arizonas? You don't like them 7-1 for the division?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Oh, no, no, no, no. They always. Oh, yeah, you're right, because if Baltimore falls in that four or five, they may not give it. They're not putting Lamar in the Shakey's game. He's too good. Right.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Yeah, yeah, that would be that where that goes. So then the other NFC South gets the Shakey's game where you really think Pittsburgh in the Shakey's.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Oh, yeah, you're right.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
No, I know. You're right.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
They like a cold one, though. Last year it was the Chiefs, right? It could be Buffalo. They might do Buffalo there. So Chargers at Buffalo, Harbaugh goes to Buffalo? Maybe. Yeah, that's good enough. They got enough to talk about there. Chargers will actually have fans more than they did today. It'll be interesting.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Well, you're right. If Geno Smith's iffy, they don't have a chance. It is weird. He should be better at home, though. We went over stats on the pregame show. The 12th man does nothing for him.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Is the referee's name Dan Quinn? I mean, I know that was... Look, I'm not saying... The league got in their ears because everybody had Washington on a teaser and they needed to screw everyone over. But the refs stopped the clock. Sorry, fast forwarding to 20 to 13. Rattler to Foster Moreau, nine seconds left, clearly inbounds. And the refs stopped the clock for no reason. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
And then they score with three seconds left and then they go for two, which would have killed money line parlays, but it was enough at 20 to 19 to kill the minus seven and a half switch went to one and a half. That was bizarre. And then they taught, they, they said they screwed it up after the game and they're like, but we can't review that. We're not allowed to review that.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
So they can make the worst error you can imagine that everybody could see and agree to it right then, but they can't change it.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Poor House, I know. But listen, for us, we have to be looking forward to, we have to zone in on who's the team we want to root against in the playoffs or bet against in the playoffs. This Washington team's got all the makings, I think.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Yeah, I guess we didn't talk Mahomes getting hurt, but that's about it.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
He's definitely not playing this Saturday, right? No question.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Yeah, but that said, not playing Saturday and for sure playing. Oh, because they need him on Christmas. He has to play Christmas. Netflix spent way too much money on that game, right?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
He's playing that game. That's what I'm saying. But not this week. And that's why... Yeah, I mean, Netflix offered Jackson Mahomes a stand-up special. They offered... They'll do whatever they can to get him there. The wife could be in Squid Game 3. Whatever they want, he's playing in that game.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Well, because they're two up on Buffalo, right? One and a half, technically, because they lose the tiebreaker. So be it if they lose the one game, but then there'll be two left. There'll be a half game up. Also, if I'm them, I'm fine. Oh, no, we're the two seed.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
It's tough, man.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
And speaking of fucking, you're fucking tied with me right now. It's 7-7. I know. I know. 7-7-1, week 16. You haven't beaten me since 1932. Stop it. Before then. I was off on a few, but we'll see. Let's see. I hit this one exactly, though. I know you're going to think that's bullshit, but I did hit the Thursday night one. Guess the lines Thursday night.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
And that's what it was today. Does that make sense? Let's think about this. It was three against Tampa. Denver is equal to Tampa, even though the Chargers got slaughtered. I think Tampa's a little better than Denver. Tampa's a little better than Denver, right? Tampa's better, but keep the three because Tampa's better. All right, yeah, that's fine. A lot of Broncos fans.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
You didn't even mention the worst one. Who? It was Tua. I mean, it really is the worst. I don't know when in the order you want to get to that game.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
And now we're going to bankrupt Fandle as a result. And you can thank my Cowboys for beating the Panthers. You can thank that's one step closer.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
That really helped us. Because it's a big day. Yep. Two Saturday games.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
All right.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Edge out there. You'll get this next one, though. Texans, too.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Oh, man, you got me. I thought you were going to go lower now. I said three and a half. It's six and a half. So I think we could hedge a little with our Ravens. Yeah, I mean, we could cover this. We won't win both, but we could take six and a half. And they can win an 18-16 game like they played in November.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Yeah, we did the whole AFC. Did we do that before the season or like week one? No, we saw like a month of action. They were like, this is stupid. We got it.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
It is a lot. I wonder what they, they're just predicting, like they're going to melt down at this point. Like they, you know, all right. Tomlin has them over 500 like he always does. And now we see them slip to the six seed or whatever.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
I know stats-wise he wasn't the worst, and I might just be saying this because he screwed my fantasy season. I switched him out for Bo Nix at the last minute, but Tua is number one. And in terms of who I wouldn't want on my team, and I'm sorry, I know Dolphins fans are going to get mad at me and us, but the way he contorts his body, I mean, there's three things he does that are horrible. Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Yeah, I think it's Eagles-Washington. Yeah, I think you're right.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Why not five?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
I think that's the only reason. 26-18, the last game, I was in Philly. Yeah, I guess. I'm down on Washington. I don't know why.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
They never punted. Yeah, and they were a two-point conversion away from a terrible team from losing today.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
I got this exactly three and a half.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
And, um, I mean, it's going to be more if there's no Geno Smith, but it seems like he's playing.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
No, I don't think so. I think he'll just become like a great running back, whatever. He'll go where he goes. I mean, who was the last great one? Bijan? I mean, the last one that went, did he go 10? Bijan was pretty high. Yeah, he was top 10.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Where did they get that from?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
I guess as of tomorrow, I guess it will be. So Atlanta's favored by five and a half over the Vegas, but Jaguars, they suck too. I don't know.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
His body language is such that he turns his body, which allows the D-backs to jump the route. No other quarterback really does it like this. And then he puts, you know, I'm glad this guy's in stable condition that they, you know, they had to rip the jersey off and everything. But this is what's going to happen with Tua. Also, he's obviously injury prone.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
There's got to be somebody that has a... Let's go to our next-gen stats and see who fucks up more good passes.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Oh, you get this. I said eight. It's seven. Oh, you're right. I do fucking get it. You get it. You get it, man. Do you not have San Francisco, Miami? Isn't that weird that that's at best a fairly watchable? That game will be awful. No, I know, but it's... Their fans don't want to watch that game. But if I would have told you Tua's the starter for Miami and Purdy's the starter for San Francisco.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
I know. It's a brutal watch. You just took Tua at number one in the bad community. I know. I know. A month ago, if you would have said this, but they suck.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
West going east. McVay, yeah, they let down maybe a little bit. They need the game, bro. They have extra rest. We'll see McVay, extra rest, stats and everything. You get it. It's three. I said two.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Also, he can't win in cold weather playing in the AFC East. I'm sure he's a nice guy. I'll keep sending him Christmas cards. I'll never stop. But he's the worst.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
All right. I get this. I said Miami by three. It's Miami by two and a half. Oh, wow.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
It's interesting because they showed the DJ's record against teams that are above 500. But I feel like Shanahan's getting there too. He's getting there too lately.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
We did.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
I know. This was the week. That's why today was the day to celebrate, and it's great. But yeah, those Saturday games, screw it.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
They're good. I said eight. It's ten and a half. This is going to be your week. Eight to five, you're up. I'm going to try not to watch any of that game. Can we see the Falcons a little first before we make them a 10.5 point favorite? Can we see them Monday night? Sunday might be a let's not even do a pod. Is that right? I don't know. Do we even need to do it? Look at these games.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
They're terrible. Well, you might, you know, you might. The Sunday night game is Tampa Bay-Dallas.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Vegas zone right there. Good luck to both of those teams.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
There's some bad ones here.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
These are all stay-aways.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Yeah, that was bad. He I felt like he broke his wrist the way he's fumbling, fumbling that game away. But yeah, this was 21-14 when they played in October. I had Bengals by six at home over the Browns. I get this. I said seven and a half. It's seven. That's your teaser game. You love it.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Yeah. Yikes. I won't be depressed, Simmons, after this game. Thank God. Thank God they didn't beat the Bengals last week because now I would have been looking at seven and seven. Could they catch Washington?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Wait, do I have a chance here? I'm sure you do because you cheat. No, I don't. Well, first of all, I was way off on the Monday, but I have I had three. It's three and a half.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
You have a four-point cushion. Best of luck to you. Thank you.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
All right. I said eight and a half because I'm an idiot. It's 12 and a half.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Right.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
You're going to have a 13 point. You'll have a 13 point teaser with Pittsburgh plus 19 and a half Atlanta over the Giants. You'll figure something out. I can't believe the Seahawks let me down like that.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
All right. What do I have? Well, a couple of things. My oldest is home. Came back from Oregon like Thursday night. Right. So first night home. He's not going out with his friends. I'm like, oh, that's cool. We'll stay home. We'll watch. We want to watch Goodfellas for the 907th time. He's like, no, let's watch some NBA. I was like, oh, Jesus. So he's an NBA hole.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Listen, he is on the site that this is what he claims. He claims it gives you play money that you can turn into real money, but you can't lose real money. So he's gam. I'm like, all right, I'm not going to investigate further. I know what you're doing. I invented this shit. It's fine. He's got... like six NBA parlays go on. He's live betting all these games. He's like, no, wait till this team.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
No, if Dallas goes down nine, I'm going to hit him now. I'm like, it's like, my son is like Raheem Palmer. He came home from college. I got a burner room. He's got a burner room. And then like in the NBA, you'll go, there'll be a 19 to two run and you'll be either on the good or the bad side of it. It's amazing. So that was that, that, that scared me so proud.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Yeah, I was proud and I was terrified at the same time. So that's him. Quickly, my middle son. Next Saturday is a great sports day. Now, I thought today was going to be a great sports day too, but here's what you got, Simmons. I know you don't care college. Tennessee, Ohio State. All right, the football games are going to be tremendous. Tennessee, Ohio State, Penn State, SMU, Texas, Clemson.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
We talked about Chiefs, Texans, Steelers, Ravens. Usyk versus Fury. Oh, I'm aware. It's a It's a monster day. My guy is sick. Yes. I want to just veg out in front of the TV. I want to lose a ton of money. I want to drink non-alcoholic eggnog, whatever I have to do.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
The problem is my son Jack has a wrestling tournament and he could potentially do well in it because it's a JV tournament and it's all day and it's all the fights way the fuck somewhere else. And here's the thing. There's 40 kids on the team. Only 13 of them right now don't have ringworm or empitago. Empatago is like a staph infection. You get it from the mat.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
These schools say they clean the mat. They don't clean the mat. These kids come back sweaty. They don't shower and they have everybody's dirty sweat closes up. It's the most disgusting sport you can play. It is gross. He's going to wrestling practice. He weighs 126. There's so few kids now. He's rolling with like a 155 pounder. I'm like, what's going on here?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
So I was like, listen, I don't ask for much. but I need Saturday. Please, please do what you can to get Empatago. Please do it. Don't tell your mother. Can you lick the mat? Yes. Go all the roll, stay extra, stay afterwards, whatever you have to do. He's looking at me like I'm serious. Get Ringworm. Do what you can.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
So I will keep you posted, but I need this boy to get Ringworm so I can watch Penn State SMU. Here's $200. I want you to lick the mat after practice for three minutes. After everyone else looks at Matt, give them each 50. What a sports day that is. You're a Usyk.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Yeah. I just wish we knew how these guys train.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Yeah. Maybe Fury.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Everyone's home. Six refrigerators for different animals.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
I don't know what's going on here. We're going to get in Patago drinking all those coffee mates. That's for sure. Did you see...
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
No, I haven't seen it. I heard we're on a text chain when you were discussing it. He's so evil. He goes evil. He should get off the poster.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
I'm going to have to check it out. I got a bunch of my cue. I end up watching dumb shit like the New York Stack Exchange, the Mark Gastineau. I listen to him carry on for an hour and a half. But anyway. Did you watch that documentary? Because I didn't watch it. Yeah, I'm like 40 minutes in. I just can't get enough of that nonsense.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Anything? Oh, yeah. Through the ringer with Tate on Wednesday. By the way, the kid's breaking news left and right. On that show, on December 4th, he can only say so much. He was instrumental in getting this thing going with Lombardi and Belichick. I thought he was going to be there as the athletic director. I think they offer you, but you should be careful.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
I think they offer him some kind of ambassadorship or something like to help with the culture or something, but it's good for him though. I mean, this is good. This worked out great for you, right? Like, cause he retires a Patriot. He's not going to go three years with UNC and then end up with Seattle. Right. So that's it. He's a Patriot.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
It's got to say the bear and then UNC. We're going to see it. I want an hour and 20 minutes and then mention the ring of pregame show. I'm 13 and two with my wisest wager. Good, good job by me. I had the Ravens. Come on.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
You wanted to put them in a teaser. You're like, will it get to 14? Can I tease? I'm like, just take 16 and a half. It's fine. It's good.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Can I simplify it a little bit with another food analogy? He's the Krispy Kreme. He gets creamed. He's the creamed and crispy, but the Krispy Kreme has to be perfect. But whenever you have a Krispy Kreme, they're like, oh no, you have to have it right when it's out of the oven.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Just sitting them in the locker room before the game like, fuck, we got to fucking play the Giants. The Giants want this first pick so bad. They want it so bad. So that's it. Cousin Sal's winning weekend on Friday and against the odds twice a week. We're 12-4 with our NBA picks. Only place you need to go on Ringer if you want to make money betting hoops. There you go.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
You know, if the Giants got Sanders, that would be super fun.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Just watching that Mara, just watching Mara and reading about him. I don't know if he wants to put up with the whole Sanders family. Yeah, I don't think so. I think that's a Cam Ward team, to be honest. Where would you play Hunter, receiver or cornerback? I think it's fun. If the Patriots get him, why do you have to only give them two options? They could do anything. Make him a running back.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
That's going to be the issue, right? But I don't know. Deion himself played wide receiver and deep back, so maybe it could happen.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Yeah. I think he's fine. You should watch it. Did you watch his acceptance speech? I think you'll get on his case. It's four and a half minutes. Just do it. It's better than Jason Bateman. Yeah, it's good. Better than Jason Bateman? Well, I can't compare it. I didn't see.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
It's gotta be 80 degrees and it's gotta be outdoors and the receivers have to be healthy and he's gotta get rid of the ball in three seconds. But if you have a three-day-old Krispy Kreme or one-day-old or that night, forget it. We're talking about donuts.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
No, I even thought, well, maybe, first of all, it was 78 degrees in Houston. I don't know why I thought that. It was 78 degrees. It's like a Cowboys-type dome where you can still feel the outside and see the sky, but whatever. So he's my number one. I know that's dumb to take him over somewhere.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Yeah, it's like you're in school, brother.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
I feel like that's another insurance ad that we'd be pounded with. You're in safe hands with Hayner. And then there he is throwing like, yeah, he had the headshots that got him the job. And then Rattler came in. Yeah, we could talk about the end of that game later. That was insane.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
It's a few reasons. Jacoby would get carpal tunnel syndrome trying to write that article in 2000. Oh my God.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
All right, well, these are going to be personal because I stupidly had Tennessee as my upset. Come on, don't laugh at that. That's not nice.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
I mean, why do I do it, though? I mean, at least you hadn't seen Hainer, right? At least there could have been a surprise in there. How much data do I have to see on Will Levis before I stop betting on him or betting on that team? And I now think of it now as like, These teams like Cincinnati, if they want to look good, play a Will Levis.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Like if I want to look good in a family photo, I'll stand next to my fattest relative, right? This is what the Bengals did. They found the fattest relative as Will Levis. 10 turnovers in that game. Not all Will Levis, although it seemed like it. He's disgusting. He's gross.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
They took him out. They shouldn't have taken him out. They should have punished him further for that.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
My fault.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
That's how you know the difference. All right. Who's your next one? All right. You have a dual entry there. Yeah, that's fine. That's fine. Some good ones. You know what? I know there's some lesser experienced guys. I should probably go with Mac Jones. Just like when I had him on my board, of course, how could he not?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
And, you know, I guess when you have coach middle seat, like everything's going to look bad anyway. But Mac Jones still making rookie mistakes. And I think we saw the same play. They were driving. It was like third and I was like second and second. Right, right, right. And he rolled right. And he had time. He had like everybody beat. He wasn't going to make it to the end zone.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
But he did not have to step out of bounds. And he sure as hell did. He could have flung it into the third row and it would have been fine. And it's like, oh, man, I have money on that guy, too. This is awful. Why are they even playing the early games? Yeah, a little. I always bet against the Jets.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
A Bad QB Draft, Josh Wins Multi-view MVP, Philly’s the NFC Shot Caller, and Guess the Lines with Cousin Sal
Does that scare you a little bit? Because you praise your guy, Drake May, and everything.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
It's so hard, I think, for us. I don't want people to feel bad for us because we're doing what we love. But we look at football and players, I think, through all different lenses, right? We look at them, like, historically. We look at fantasy-wise. Like, Baker's great. Exciting. He's top three or four, five exciting.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
And it's like, okay, but where does that put him actually, you know, in terms of building a team around him? So I don't know. I don't know if I want to say he's top four or five or anywhere in there, but I love watching them and I love everything he brings to that team. And I feel like he's in the prime of his career. Don't compare him to Flacco. Don't compare him to any of these other guys.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
I hope people don't do that anymore. And I think you're right. They were one of the best teams in the NFC. I think they get a bad rap because it's the South that they keep winning.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
Here's the thing. Once the college games are really good, I'm like, oh, the NFL is going to suck now, isn't it? We can't just have all right. The college games are excellent. Yeah, they were very good. And then coming into this weekend. But a lot of people all over.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
can we just accept the fact that we're probably not going to get good competitive games in any sport in the playoffs for the first couple of rounds? Can all we really hope for is a good final four as sports fans and not like tear each other's eyes out, arguing over who has the better system. Like the NBA might actually have the best. There are some good four or five matchups. every year.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
But then they have some finals that suck too. So I think you just have to hope that the final four is good and let the cream rise to the top.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
Yeah, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to talk about the NBA at all. I was just using that as one of the many examples.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
House's team is going to win for the first time in 20 years. And you're talking about this stupid parlay we have with Sacramento and Indiana.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
Well, Houston was in Shakey's and now they're in this one. So it's like Shakey's opened like a pop up, you know, and like somewhere, you know, and it's like a cool area. Maybe. I don't know. There's still the first Saturday game.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
Can I feel your nipples, Mike? I can't feel each other's nipples. You might have no feeling, Mike. That's not a night game, huh? So they're doing that three Eastern on Sunday, and then Romo Nance get the good one, the great one.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
I guess it would have to be. Because Minnesota's never won the Super Bowl. Do you feel like Philadelphia is going to make every game shitty now, no matter who plays? Yeah. Well, hold that thought for 30 seconds.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
I don't, I still don't know who the MVP was. They're excellent. I'll, I'll stand by Josh Allen, but again, you can't really be mad at what's going on. If some, if some one or the other, uh, wins it, I'll say it seems like Lamar has a little more help with Derrick Henry. But other than that, they did beat Buffalo. They beat him pretty good. Buffalo beat the one seed. It can, you can go either way.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
Yeah, and I hated the way... This is the one I'm going to get salty about because it's the one I lost, but I had Green Bay plus the points, and I wouldn't say Washington deserved to win as a road team. Fine. None of the other road teams showed up, right? Like Denver, Green Bay, you can't make a case for any of the Pittsburgh, but Get that kickoff right, man. Just get that right.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
It's all about momentum when you're on the road. If you're going to lose a call, if you're going to lose the opening kickoff, you're really kind of screwed there. And I feel like there were enough replays, including the overhead to show. Oh, you're going here. Oh, I like this. Okay. I'm not a ref killer.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
Every time the Chiefs games are decided by something close, I'm like, ah, it's hard to call it regular speed. But if you're able to replay something and you have all those angles and you have that overhead, he had it for like a two Mississippi count. Like, is it easier now to just start digging your way through the earth to come out the other end?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
Is that easier to come out with the ball than it is to come up from a pile above the ground? I don't know. I don't like that. But anyway, I had to get that off my chest.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
It also goes against all their crap about player safety. Like, oh, really? We're going to keep this going past the whistle? Because you obviously blew the whistle, and then this guy got it torn from his clutches. So I don't know. Anyway, Green Bay didn't score enough to win that game, and every receiver was hurt, and I don't know who they were throwing to. So good for you, Philly.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
And for the most part, as long as they don't get in a third and long situation, they're fine. If they're third and three or third and one, they can line up for the tush push on third and one and he can back out and throw it long like we saw or hand it to Barkley. It is a huge, huge advantage. What the Ravens do, what the Bills do, and specifically what the Eagles do with the tush push
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
and third and short. I mean, because you're going to convert on fourth. But yeah, everything this team does bugs me. Now, Barkley, enough with the sliding down. You're an unselfish player. Should you be a social worker, maybe? Like, score touchdowns. People are betting on you to score touchdowns. Enough already. You sound like you over.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
It's not like you're up one and you don't want to go up eight because they're going to get the ball. Like, just finish it. It's crazy already.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
Yeah, the Steelers had like 200 yards in third quarter, and then there was no points at all after that.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
Yes. What were the odds of that? It was like 7-6. I mean, the first... I don't know when you want to talk about that. One more thing on Hurts, though. His three winning playoff games, 131 yards against the Packers, 121 yards passing against the Niners, 154 against the Giants. I don't know if we've ever seen anything like this. I know he's not asked to do that much, and he doesn't. And they win.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
Yeah. When he shoots off to the side, he'll take a hard hit for a two yard game. Right. Like, I feel like I'm like, Hey, cut it up. What are you, what are you doing? I don't know. I'm not good. Right. Whatever. He's gone to the Superbowl and everything, but just read a book on the sideline every now and then Jalen, come on.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
To a point where you're like, oh, does your team suck? I mean, you keep saying they do.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
I agree. I don't know when. I'm trying to think when we loved them. When did we fall in love with that team? When were they peaking? Was it six weeks ago? Because you're right. They never really beat the good teams. But they never really put together good. I guess they were just beating up the crap.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
Yeah, it's funny. Like after Saturday, I'm like, well, have we learned anything about the Chargers and Steelers other than it's the same team we've been looking at for eight years, right? You can't really trust them. The Steelers knuckleballed their way to the playoffs without a good quarterback and then don't show up.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
I don't know what you want to talk about next, but the Chargers were just brutal too.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
And then they lost. Doing the tush push, their version of tush push. I don't want to make excuses for them because they got beat. Probably shouldn't have won. But that kickoff is a huge moment. You can't turn it over on the road and you can't miss field goals. It's a bad time. Denver missed a field goal. They weren't going to win that game.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
You know, I guess the bottom line, the message is don't fall in love with these quarterbacks too much. Jordan Love, CJ Stroud, even though he won, not as good a year. Drake May, you know, I can go on and on. Just don't fall in love with these guys.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
I thought we were going to lose FanDuel as a sponsor. I was like, is a favorite ever going to lose again? Right. And then when Tampa was winning tonight, I don't even know. But yeah. They gave it to us.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
I'm so excited for it. It's an incredible advantage. Like I said, these two teams have even more than like Detroit. Like I'm wowed by Detroit's offense too. But when you have like Josh Allen, like rolling left, it just looks weird. Variety quarterback rolling left and he could slide slither his way for like seven yards. And then Lamar did that.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
I think he probably had like five of the first eight carries against the Steelers. I'm like, oh, this game's over too. They're done too. So yeah, when they go against each other, I was so nervous about that Buffalo game, Simmons. I'm like, we all need this to complete a parlay. I had Ohio State to start it and then anchored with these other two.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
And the orange pants were a killer on the eyes for Denver. And then they scored right away. I'm like, shit, this is what we knew.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
Yeah, I can't wait to watch this. Romo said it. He's like, you could have a spy on these guys, but they're just better than all the spies. They're faster. They have a better, keener sense of the field than all the spies. And it's just tough. And you look at the Steelers, whose defense ended up being just average, right?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
But I was thinking, wow, if they can't stop Lamar, if this can't be like a 17-15 type game that they're used to, forget it. Who the hell's going to do it?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
And James Cook is very good and they don't rely on one guy. It's not Stefan Diggs. Like, oh, you don't get him the ball. He's going to be mad. No, you look at the box score. They'll end up having like eight pass catchers.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
It worked. And Tomlin, I don't know. I mean, that's six games in the playoffs. He's gone down by 21 or more. I don't know what you think about this guy. And then I look at the quarterback situation. It's like, this team doesn't have a chance unless the moon ball to Pickens works. It has to work like four times a game now for them to even have any kind of chance.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
I think it is. Yeah. Look it up. I have one more I could add to that. Yeah. Let's hear it. Yeah. You called them the best AFC team back like December 2nd or so. That might be another one. They were. They were the one seed.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
I don't know, but I also know they don't have the luxury of what the Patriots did, right? Because they're not ever going to be in a position to draft a great quarterback, right? So if as long as the streak gets, oh my God, he did it. They went over eight and a half wins again. You went on that. That's great. And then it's a first round exit in the playoffs.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
That's not going to change anytime soon. But now you're right. The margins are getting thick. The season is just too long for them. They're losing by too many points in the playoffs. I don't know what happens to that guy. I don't know what happened to their defense.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
Yeah, I don't want to say he's losing the locker room, but this is the closest it looks to that in a long time. Would you trade Mike McCarthy in a second round pick for him? I gotta say, I was a little annoyed that the Patriots signed Vrabel. I'm like, oh man, Tomlin could be available for them. They just waited like 48 hours. For the Pats?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
So what's the quarterback situation? Not that I care too much, but what possibly can they do? I know what I would do. I would trade the first pick for McCarthy. But then you still have Russell Wilson or Justin Fields and McCarthy. No, no.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
Oh, okay. Not Mike McCarthy. I know it's been a tough week, Bill.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
This was beyond Shakey's, right? We haven't gone in a while, but if we did, people would be chucking their mojo potatoes at the screen for the first hour and the manager would threaten to turn the game to reruns on Telemundo.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
I, my best bet was the Texans over 19 and a half. And you were making fun of me. Like how are you Texans over three and a half points looking? And I, I deserved it. They were terrible. I still don't think I picked the right side. They went 32 to 12 and I still don't think I got it right. I don't know if there was a right side. Oh, I think it was two wrong sides.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
And Herbert's so weird because he'll throw a 22 yard completion to McConkie. I'm like, wow, that's the best throw of a football I've seen in a long time. Yeah. What a cannon. Yeah. Four interceptions later. I think we were going to rank his top 10 bad passes, but they ended up too many. We can't get to it.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
Oh, man. Can I say both? I'm not allowed to say both? You can say both. I'm going to say Houston, primarily Houston. And they scared me last year. Remember, that's what sent me on a tailspin and some others when we bet against them. I thought the Browns were a better team last year, right? When they went to Houston and Houston throttled them. I was like, you know what?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
The Chargers tend to have... I mean, now you got this quarterback, going back to Herbert, He's had, what has he had? Like two teams that had three interceptions and he couldn't, the three turnovers and he couldn't beat them? That's the thing.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
He never won one, huh? Never won one. As much as we heard about him. Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
Not so fast, Bill, with them not winning the title. I, Jaden, Jaden Daniels, his face is bleeding. I just, I just want to lick that blood right off of him. No, that's good for Joe House. Yeah, like you said, somber week, shitty week, but I feel good for Joe House. One of our freaking teams is going and advancing, but he was awesome, Jaden Daniels. He was really, I mean, they were coming after him.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
I don't think they passed as much, I guess.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
Full Gannon sounds better anyway, I think. Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
I'll say this about Herbert because I don't want to bury him completely yet. But, you know, I don't know that Harbaugh is as psyched as he was a year ago, right? I don't know. We could stop the comparisons to Joe Burrow for sure. Fine, keep comparing them to Tua. That's good. But I don't know. If you're Harbaugh, What's your thought process now?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
It's like, oh shit, this is going to take a lot more work than I thought, right?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
CJ Stroud? I don't know. It's a toss-up for you. That's close. That's maybe where you got me. Wait a minute. There's not more? There is more. Drake May? No. Come on.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
You're not a good businessman. Whoever said you were a good businessman? Here's an interesting one.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
Eight's a lot of years. If you told me four or five, I think it's easier.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
It's so funny. Oh, you paused. We all have to wait until tomorrow to see. Yeah. I don't want to look foolish. I'd say no, probably.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
For that guy to not turn the ball over once with the heat he was facing and just big play after big play, good for him and good for us from finally getting a good game 36 hours later.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
You're still talking to yourself. Yeah, because it'll get you 10 wins and maybe you can get lucky in the playoffs. And they were not lucky or good yesterday.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
Some of those nose, I would rather take some of those guys down 10 than Herbert for sure.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
I love doing the pod with you, but yeah, it was a little tidier when everything was done by Sunday night. And also, make that game in Vegas. Move everything to Vegas. When in doubt, move everything to Vegas. What's Glendale? Which game? Oh, the Rams-Vikings. Yeah, why isn't that in Vegas? It's an easier drive to Vegas if you're in LA.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
If it's a football game, if it's a bachelor party, if it's an intervention, just move it to Vegas. It's an easy thought.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
Tampa over 27 and a half points. And he said Washington would win 28-27. Yeah, he was really threading the needle there.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
There's always like a two and a half line that they screw you with, right? Like, oh, I just have to pick the winner here? The Chargers are better than the Texans. So that was the one.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
They're basically opening the floodgates for a tease. They've done a weird, disrespectful thing for the Chiefs and their lines, you know, as much as they can for a 15 win team. And they've kind of done it all season long. The big thing I'm hearing is it seems like it's a disadvantage for And Fandle is also treating it as a disadvantage that they've been off for two weeks.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
Like, oh, the Chiefs are off two weeks and they didn't play anyone week 18. So that's really two weeks. Yeah, they do this every year. And they win the Super Bowl like every other year. So why? Yeah, they have a lot of infrastructure.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
And I think they're delighted in this matchup, honestly. I don't think they want, you know, they wouldn't have been afraid of Harbaugh, but the Chargers played them well twice. I think they had a two-point loss and a seven-point loss, and Harbaugh going to Kansas, you know, I think Andy Reid gets a little freaked out there. But they'll slap this team around, I think.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
pounding the ball down their throat i don't know listen i'm i'm teasing the chiefs i'm just telling you and i i know it's been a rough week you and i and your financial planner we're gonna sit down tuesday wednesday ish and we're gonna figure out how much you want to put on the chiefs ohio state money line parlay and so you're oh you're still in on ohio state yeah yeah that's easy so let's just do it not have to worry about anything you're not afraid of notre dame
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
No, no, no. It's a mismatch. It's a mismatch up front. They're going to get bullied.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
That's exactly what I thought. And I stand by it. our friends at Fandle have the Bills only favored by one and a half. Ooh, the tic-tac zone.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
Can we talk about what this means? Like why, how they may have arrived at this? Because it doesn't really make sense to me.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
Go ahead. Let's do it. Which quarterback would you want over Derrick Henry?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
Well, week nine against Norwich is junior year. He says he had the flu, but he only went for like 130.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
Oh, I think you could be right about all that stuff. I mean, it's amazing. A guy does so well in high school that he's drafted in college and he does so well in college.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
But his yards per carry went down a couple of those years. But he's unstoppable. I get it.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
Listen, Persia Walker slowed down. FanDuel had Saturday highest rushing yards on Saturday. I was like, it's Derrick Henry. Why is it minus 125? JJ's arguing with me. I was like, just stop. Just bet Derrick Henry to have the most yards on Saturday. He's going to have the most yards for the weekend. What did he end up with, 186? 186 or something. So, yeah, he's great. They're great.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
The only thing is, I don't know. Sometimes they don't figure out how to manage the load between Lamar and Henry. Sometimes.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
I'm not going to argue. I will have to see his stats in Turkey Bowl when his parents played him when he was nine years old and stuff, but I'll trust him.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
He ran for 4,000 yards. Sign him up. I know, it's stupid. It's really dumb. Yeah, he's got a lot of wear and tear on him. It doesn't make any sense. Or he doesn't. Or he has no wear and tear because he's a freak. Maybe it keeps going.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
I still think one and a half's light. Sorry.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
Yeah. I don't know. Where does the line end up, you think? You're going Ravens. As soon as we hang this Zoom up, you're putting the Ravens on a teaser with somebody. I know you are.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
Mack Hollins had 13 touchdown receptions in high school. Played varsity in ninth grade.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
If he went to our son's high school, we'd be talking about him so much. Our kids would hate us, right? Like, shut up, dad. Pay attention to me. It's like, yeah, but you got a running back in your school who ran for 4,300 yards.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
Wow. I said seven and a half and it's eight and a half. Oh. Wow. You're going to beat me this week. Wait a minute. Do we even have to do Guest Alliance tomorrow? Yeah, we do.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
The over-under is by far the highest so far at 55 and a half. So I guess they're thinking it could get out of hand with one score, even if it's close late. Well, this lined up really nicely for the Lions.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
Give me, if you're Dan Campbell, and let's say you get through this game, out of the three possible opponents, Rams, Vikings, Eagles, who do you want?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
But what if A.J. Brown puts down the book? Maybe he'll finish Inter Excellence by then. He's got a long time.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
I know. I just read you his numbers and that he's winning these playoff games. It's ridiculous. But it does bug me that third and three, they got you over a barrel every single time.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
We'll get that up. You're right. I'm up three to one. I won the week. I'm up three to one. We'll do it for fun. What's the... Are we tied now for the season? You're up now? We were tied heading into the week. Yeah, so I'm up by one.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
That almost could have been intercepted. Yeah. Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
Hold on. Let me read you my guess the Lions record in middle school. I went 16 weeks in the road.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
I mean, Arch Manning, Trevor Lawrence were big, but Arch Manning didn't play.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
Oh, Adrian Peterson, right? That's a good one. Obviously, you slowed down in the last couple of years, but yeah, a ridiculous recruiting class.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
Yeah, right. Yeah, the whole thing. I'm sure the listeners will come up with a couple. Yeah, I know. They're going to kill us for missing an obvious one.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
It's like, is it six now? What is it? Oh, I'm sorry. Eight and a half. No, it's eight and a half. So tease them with the Chiefs. You could tease it. Like I said, we're going to sit down with your financial planner. Okay. All right. Can't be taken away.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
I'd be scared of anyone if I was Philadelphia if the plan was to play like they did today. But they're not playing Philadelphia, right? They're playing Detroit.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
Yeah. And that's also part of it. And so I know this goes on in like Maui and other places and we should be thinking about that. But yeah, when it's in your backyard and like people are checking in with me, I'm like, I don't know. I'm good for now. I'm all right for now. I have no idea. And it depends on the wind. And somehow, did you know they could predict wind for three days?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
I didn't even know they could do that. But so we know like there's bad shit ahead. Yeah. and we know a lot of people who got devastated and it's really rough. It really, I don't want to bum everyone out, but it really is like, Oh my God, you feel like you have so much control over your life. And then, and then you don't, you really don't with like something stupid like this.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
And we don't know how it started and we don't know how it's going to end. And, uh, and that's, uh, and we need football as a distraction and it, it's hardly ranks as important, but, uh, I mean, for God's sakes, I wish we could like talk about this as if it's going on in the past, but it's not.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
Yeah, like you said, even the reporters and these firestorms that are going on 100 feet behind them. It's like, what is going on? And like I said, I wish that the worst is behind us. But then we have a mutual friend that's a doctor at UCLA, and he's like... Yeah, man, they have to evacuate this hospital if the if the storm, if the fires come within two and a half miles of this place.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
Has it not happened a lot? I'll say four.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
And it's right now it's four. I was like, are you kidding me? What the hell? What does that look like? Evacuating a whole giant hospital like that's that's my God. That's going to be something that's just even more outrageous and right up there with anything else.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
So, yeah, just, you know, plenty of GoFundMes out there, plenty of places to look to help plenty of fucking scammers too that are assholes trying to take advantage of this. But just be careful and be diligent and, you know.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
After all this parlay and teaser talk, let's just get everyone safe.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
I mean, it was just, it's crazy. Your week started with one of the Bella twins twerking four feet from you. I mean, I think.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
That was minus 65,000 to make parent corner. And, uh, too many terrible things happen.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, they're not going to play again. So that's good. But yeah, that's... They're solid, Washington. As far as the coaches go with the fourth and two, I was with you. I like... Just take the points in a lot of these situations. I know they proved me wrong, but the plays that were running for Jayden Daniels weren't great.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
They were making him a pocket passer there on like fourth and two and fourth and four. So I was all for taking the points in most of those situations. It's a different story when it's the Eagles and it's Hurts and Barkley. And if I have Lamar, if I have Henry, you know, if I have Josh Allen. But other than that, fourth and two is still fourth and two. You can kick a field goal.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
And I was okay with them leaving that field goal on the board too.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
I don't like it. That was the play where there was disarray at the line of scrimmage, right? I never liked the next play after that. I don't know what it would have been. I know there was easy stuff happening with Evans, but I kind of get it. There's so much to go after bowls for. That's not one of them.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
I just like saying Vita Vea, Bill. I'll say Vita Vea over and over and over.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
Hell yeah. Yes, you got a rookie quarterback that didn't, like I said, didn't turn the ball over at all in many instances where he could have. I mean, that's got to be his, you know, I don't know. They might be banged up and the Lions are more rested and everything like that. But I think this for now, now that we're talking like a week before, I think this is closer.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
They do get screwed with the Saturday thing though, right? Yeah. Six days. Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
And another strike against him was the ownership, and there was defecation in the stadium. We can go on and on and on. It doesn't really make sense. Dan Quinn's done a nice job with this team. And like you said, this is just a... They call it lightning in a bottle with this Jaden Daniels. It's terrific. But congratulations on Vrabel. I think that's fun for you, right? Good news to end the week?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
nine years you know there's a reason he looks like a veteran he's almost as old as Joe Burrow I was thinking that with Bo Nix too I was like maybe I was wrong about all this and the rookies if they have like 60 college games under their belt and they've all played in like high profile bowls and you know they don't really get shook but we'll talk about that game that's a whole different story but listen I think part of you is saying Vrabel did this with Tannehill he could do it with Drake May isn't that the bottom line he's never had an elite quarterback ever
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
I picked it right at Washington. I actually went four and one. My playoffs have been terrible over the last few years. Did you get three and two or four and one?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
I think we felt the same way about Rams Detroit last year. Remember, I watched your place and I go like, why do they have to square up in the first round? This is good. Yeah. So yeah, Baker's great. When he takes off, you have no choice but to root for him. Somehow he's got legs. There's like 200 more rushing yards this year than he has in the previous five, any of the previous five or six.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Round 1 NFL Reactions With Cousin Sal
Like it's really, it's spectacular. And Mike Evans just diving backwards for a first down. It is really tough. Irving runs hard. Defense plays hard. It's a good team.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Coming up, I went to Super Bowl 59 in New Orleans and I talked to Sal about it. And it's next. We're also brought to you by the Ringer Podcast Network. I have new rewatchables coming for you on Monday night. It is a very big movie from the 80s. At least it's an important movie to me. You can watch it as well on the Ringer Movies YouTube channel. You can listen to it wherever you get your podcasts.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Well, I had one of the... Because Gantwick's legal here in Louisiana. So I did a bunch of Super Bowl bets. And you're not going to believe it, but I didn't do great. But one of the ones I had was... Was a Hertz first touchdown with chiefs to win the game. And it was 15 to one. So Hertz scored. And then you go in the app and you can be like, you can get out of this right now.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
And I'm like, do I get out of this? I don't really like the way the chiefs like around. It's the chiefs. It's my homes. It's like to the bitter end, even when it was what? 17, nothing after the pick six, you're going, ah, this is his 28, three. He's going to come back.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Bill, please log off. Let's take a break and we'll come back. We'll talk about Mahomes. All right. So with Mahomes, it was feeling at some point, if you were pro Mahomes, pro, this is the guy on par with Brady, all that stuff. It was like, could this be his 28 to three game? including when Coop got the pick six. It's like, oh, we're now following the recipe for the 28-3 Falcons game.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Then it gets to, what was it, 24-0. It was the same thing. It's like, oh, okay. This would be it. Maybe we're joking in the suite, like, Oh, maybe he's doing this intentionally. Maybe, maybe he wanted to add this degree of difficulty comeback thing to the whole Mahomes goat legacy that he ends up with the three P with a huge comeback. That was not what happened.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
So it was not even close to what happened. And I got to say, he was terrible. He was terrible from the first drive. He had that second down pass to Kelsey. They were moving the ball. They got a first down. They seem like they had a little momentum. Kelsey over the middle and throws it way behind him. And I swear he must have had 10 terrible passes.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
I'm not counting what happened in the fourth quarter. The game was over. And the game mattered. He was the worst he's ever played by far.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
I'm going to talk slow, as slow as that Eagles when they had the interception touchdown on the offsides when the guy just should have basically run back and forth on the one-yard line like you would do in Madden and make one of the Chiefs have to run 70 yards to tackle him. He could have run off like a minute of the clock.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Yeah, or like a hip flexor. Yeah. I don't know. Cause there was a couple of places where he was scrambling around and it looked like he seems physically a hundred percent.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
And that game was ugly for a couple of quarters. And yeah, they had the Andy Reid thing that happened a couple of days before with his family. And it's just the whole vibe of that game was off. This was different. This was, he was specifically missing guys. Like there was that one when he rolled out and he had Hopkins on the third down.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
And it felt like he could have scrambled for 20 yards or just thrown Hopkins a good pass. And he did neither and Hopkins dropped it. But it was like over and over again, he just sucked. It was bizarre. It was like people were like incredulous in the stadium. Everyone was like, what's going on? Is he sick? What's happening?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Well, that's the thing. If it had been on my homes, his version of 28 to three with Brady announcing, that would have been great. Instead, this is probably the best moment of Brady's career.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
since he retired because it was a lot of my homes my homes my homes is he the goat i don't know if he gets his three p brady's never done that and now he goes down with two super bowl blowout losses brady said zero brady lost three times in the super bowl all one score games where he had the ball on the last drive with a chance to like steal the game never got blown out
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
And then he beat Mahomes twice. That's it. 2-0 in the playoffs. And it's like, can we fucking settle down now for five years with the Mahomes-Goat stuff, please? Thank you.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
His best Super Bowls were the Seahawks one and the Falcons. Those were the ones. The comeback. But then that Seahawks game, being down 10, those two drives that he had against Seattle, that was outrageous.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
But the three-peat was the only thing Mahomes could have done that surpassed anything Brady did. So now, you know, my homes is going to, it's about to hit his thirties. He's got, he's three and two in the super bowl. And the thing about the super bowl is it's really hard to actually win the super bowl.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
He could have killed the last seven minutes, but it didn't matter. Well, so let's go positive because there's so many Chiefs angles, but let's go positive. The Eagles, who had an awesome season, who had three losses that if like three plays went different than the three losses, they were like an undefeated level team. Nobody kicked their ass.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Brady made it 10 times. It went seven and three. He easily could have been three and seven. He easily could have been 10 and oh, you know, but, but my home's three and two. So we'll see. Cause Kelsey, I think, you know, if they'd won the super bowl, would Kelsey have retired? I would have bet. Yes.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
I don't know what happens with that now. Chris Jones getting older. Um, when we talked about hitting the drafts, they hit that McDuffie car leftist draft. It looks like they hit the worthy pick, but the offensive line is like really rough. There's other teams coming. The chargers are going to be better. We saw Tyreek Hill on Friday. I was trying to get him to come to the pats.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Wasn't happening, but it, it, there was, there was a team.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
What did he say after?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Well, and then somebody that was with them was like, watch out for the chargers and walked off. I was like, what do you mean?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
By doing nothing.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
He somehow bought a majority stake of Vegas for 10 million bucks. He owns a team. He's the GOAT again. The GOAT almost got taken to him. Now he's back. I thank you for calling him a C plus in the booth, by the way.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Yeah. Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Yeah. I didn't. So tell me about this, the broadcast and Brady and how he was talking about my homes. And was there anything interesting?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Their defense was, their D-backs were great. They broke up that fourth and three. That guy broke on him perfectly.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
I was, I was thinking about it from a Pat's perspective. Cause just trying to figure out, cause they almost have this blank slate for how to put together a team now. Right. Cause they have the coach and the QB, they basically have nothing else except Christian Gonzalez and far more if it comes back and it's like, how would you build this team?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
And then the last two games of the season, they kicked Washington's ass. They kicked the Chiefs ass. How good was this team for you?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
And it really feels like you just spend everything on the lines. You can figure out everything else after. So there's that Mason Graham, the Michigan defensive tackle. It's like, let's just get that guy. Maybe he can be Jalen Carter and just push the line like that. But it would seem like the sweet spot would just be having these four guys that can just push the pocket.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
And then you don't have to blitz. You don't have to do any of this gimmick shit. and then you can kind of patch together everything else would be one way to do it.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
That's why when the Dolphins, they spend half of their salary cap on Tua and the two receivers. It's like, how's this going to play out? Yeah. I thought the chiefs fan base, I gotta be honest. And I'm sure I say this knowing this will immediately be thrown back in my face with, cause the Patriot fans did the same thing.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Just needed a, maybe a 16 ounce cup of settled down juice. Oh, there was the chess were out. The chess were out this weekend. I'll just, there's a, there was a lot of confidence rightly. So, cause they had the best guy in the league and they win every one of these games down the stretch. And, uh,
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
It was a fan base that maybe needed their version of what happened to the Pats in 07 and what happened to the Pats and the Nick Foles, Doug Peterson Super Bowl and some other great teams. Why didn't you tell John?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
That's what I'm saying.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Isn't Ham a Rams fan for like 40 years?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Louis, Kansas City thing. No, he was with the Rams when they moved. He jumped to the Chiefs.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Has anyone, have we litigated that? Do we need to have them on the podcast or really like what's going on here?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Good enough.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Yeah. Can we talk about, Have you ever seen anything like how bad Mahomes was in this game from a great player standpoint? I was rocking my brain because there was so much dead time during this game. I was like taking notes. I wasn't expecting to take this many notes, but like I was thinking like Magic in the 1984 NBA finals. Sorry, I had to work the NBA in.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
But Magic like just sucked in the finals. Like he cost them a couple of games. He wasn't quite Magic yet though. They had won the 80 and 82 titles, but he wasn't like he's the best player in the league. Peyton Manning had that New Orleans Super Bowl where he threw the pick six, and he was either the best player in the league or one of the best players.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
But I can't really remember somebody who was like, this guy, everyone agrees, is the best player in the league, and he's in his prime, sucking this bad league. It was almost like a Greg Norman golf major. type of performance. The amount of throws that he missed and how frazzled he seemed. And then they're doing the stats at halftime and this is one of the 10 worst EPAs of the last 50.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
All that shit. It's like, oh my God, this is the best guy in the league. This doesn't happen ever.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
I mean, I was thinking Kobe six by 24, the first three quarters of that Celtic game when it, when it just seemed like he couldn't hit anything. And it was like, they won. He came back.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
They did win.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
We never thought Cam Newton was the best guy. He was MVP. I know, but nobody was like, Cam Newton is the road ghost of Cam Newton. It was like he had a great season. No, I get it. I get it. Yeah. I don't know what to say. Montana against the Giants one year when they knocked him out, but he got knocked out.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
He did, but it always felt like his teams were so overmatched. This was one where I felt like the plays were there. I know their pass rush was good, but he was also missing everything he did. He was missing open guys. Um, and it was one of those things that almost became like the Luca trade where you start texting people in the second quarter. Like, is he hurt? What's going on with my homes?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
What's, is there something wrong? Is he sick? What does he have? I've never seen anything like this.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
No, Manning against New Orleans when he threw the pick six to lose the game. But it wasn't like he was horrific the entire game. Right. Brady had some bad playoff losses. We had a bad loss to the Ravens. There was a weird Denver Broncos game after the third Super Bowl they won when he wasn't great, but never anything like this.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Well, I'm sure there's going to be a bunch of pieces the next two days trying to put this performance in perspective historically. At least from a football standpoint. They'll have stats. And what he did in the last two drives will kind of fuck it up a little bit because it'll make it seem like it was better than it is. So you almost have to do like... the first three quarters.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Guys, what is the equivalent in other sports of somebody who's fallen behind 46?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
I don't want to hear about Patrick Bones again.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
That's it.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
It's time to go. Okay, Stephen A. We're done. We're done. I'm sorry. I wasn't even doing Stephen A. I was doing generic network ex-athlete guy. All right. I was doing 20 of them. No, I'm sure Stephen A. would not be kind to Mahomes. I have some silver linings for the Chiefs now.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Well, we always felt like Baltimore and Philly were the best on paper teams, but we didn't know what that meant. And then when you think like Baltimore has got to be just absolutely kicking themselves so hard where it's like, oh man, we probably could have done what Philly did to the chiefs and we just weren't able to get to the game. But you know, we knew the defense was there.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Really? A lot of Chiefs fans. Yeah, a lot. Oh, it didn't sound that way. Yeah, the Eagles fans were just louder. Silver linings for the Chiefs. I think Kelsey comes back now. I don't think he retires on that game. One more year for him. Another dumb narrative that we got killed on. What did he have? Two for 24? I think he might have had a third catch in there. Another silver lining.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
We could talk about them normally again. They're not Michael Myers anymore. You can't do it anymore. We can't do the... I know there's 17 reasons to pick this other team, but it's the Chiefs. That's done. We can now talk about football games rationally and normally without these fucking weird fear of this team. Pat Riley doesn't make any money. I think that's great. Terrible 2025 Pat Riley.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Brady wasn't that popular as an announcer. I think that was a win for the Chiefs. Wait, what? Why? I don't know. I'm just throwing that in there. These are silver linings. They didn't trade Luka Doncic in the last 10 days.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
They didn't trade Mahomes for Anthony Davis at a number one and then have Davis get hurt in his first game right after they gave an interview about how smart they were because they want guys who are in shape. But then mentioned Shaq as one of the guys, the great guys historically who stayed in shape. Shaq famously never in shape ever at any point in his career. That was hilarious.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Uh, I have no more silver linings unless you can think of any.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
No, I want to do that next segment. So if I'm the Chiefs, if I'm the PR, if I'm the Louis K of the Chiefs, and, you know, in my spare time when I'm not just focused on... you know, my three clients that I care about and I spend barely any time with the other ones. Wait, if you're the Louis, that means the chiefs are going to get canceled in like three weeks. No, above the Louis K of the chiefs.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
So this, so Jimmy would be the chiefs of this scenario. Cause that'd be a client you would actually care about. Unlike some of the others. Um, I'm spinning it. We were never that good the whole time. It was amazing. We got there. Like, look at our record. You saw us in the Super Bowl. When we played an awesome team, we couldn't hold up. We had no offensive line. We had no explosive playmakers.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Our coaching staff is old. Like, it's a fucking miracle we made the Super Bowl. We should be getting kudos for that. Interesting. That would be my spin. That's what Lewis is supposed to say? That's what Lewis would say. No, just be like, no, maybe you should spin it the other way. We were pretty good. We're proud of the season we had. Just making the Super Bowl was an achievement. Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
I remember doing the million dollar pick scenario on Thursday and it was like, there was two games. I felt like this could be, it could be to be like that awesome past Seattle game back and forth chiefs win in the end. Or it could end up being like that Bucs-Chiefs game, the 31-9 game, when they couldn't block anybody, when they were off the whole game.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
So he hasn't shown up for two. We are fucking back.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
We are going to take a break, and then I want to talk about some of the gambling stuff. All right, so some gambling stuff from this game. We mentioned the Hurts Anytime TD first touchdown score. We had a... Coop had a pick six. Yeah. What were the odds on the pick six? Do we know? I think we had like 30 to one, right?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Although we saw a few in the playoffs. Was that the greatest moment ever for a white defensive back? Or do we have to go to the 60s? We were talking about that. Do we have to go to like Paul Kraus, Paul Kraus of the Minnesota Vikings? Did he do anything?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Oh, Charlie Waters.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
I think that really is. Don't worry about comparing Mahomes to their bad performances ever. We need the white defensive back rankings.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Yeah, that was it. Yeah, so at one point in this game, Mahomes was, this was with four 49 left in the second quarter and it's 17, nothing. And the chiefs go to terrible runs, but home sack. And now they're giving the ball back to the Eagles. Again, my homes was five for 10 for 24 yards, a pick six and three sacks. And this is 25 minutes into the game. It was just shocking. Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Well, so five for 10 for 24 yards. And then we get to halftime and it's not much better. He misses Hopkins on that third and 11. Sal, he ended 21 for 32 for 257 with three touchdowns. Yeah. He hit every over and I'm sitting there. So this is my bad beat gambling story. So a million dollar picks. My biggest bet was Chiefs minus one and a half. That was for 500 fake K. And then the second bet.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Oh, it's fake. Yeah. Well, it's fake. I don't even know. Okay. Second bet was this 250 K parlay. Eagles to eight and a half. Mahomes 200 plus passing yards. And there's a third leg that I'll get to. So the 200 plus passing yards seem inconceivable. And then they start having these garbage time drives. And when they scored the second touchdown and he had like 187, 193.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
And we talked on a bunch of different pods about, if you like the Eagles, just take them minus 9.5. Take them minus 19.5. Just take them in some sort of blowout situation. Because if it was a close game, the Chiefs history was they're going to win. You were on Ringer Sunday pregame talking about all the same stats everyone else was. 17-0 in the one-score games for Mahomes. 17-3 in the playoffs.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
They're inside the 15 yard line. I'm going nuts in the suite. I'm like, oh, he's going to get it. He's going to get it. He gets it. The Eagles go three and out. And the Chiefs, and now I'm hustling back to the pod. The Chiefs get the all-time garbage time touchdown to Worthy. And it gets to 62. The third leg of my parlay was under 60 and a half. And the final score was 40 and 22.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
They scored two touchdowns in the last four minutes. So I lost that one too. I think I had a losing year for billion dollar picks because of that last touchdown. So the Chiefs just sticking it to me every way.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Well, you know, House took a shot. Because Christian, one of the Fando execs who loves house, and we're talking about the bets on the ringer Sunday pregame. And he's like, well, house. He did his usual house move of he took the Eagles and a tease with the over. Like classic house. Like kind of getting in, but not totally being in like halfway. I was like, yep, that's house. I have a great story.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
New Orleans.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
The vibe wasn't there. This is Friday night. Oh my God. Three of us. I think, I think I was like three out of 15 and house lost like almost every hand. I don't know how he did it. I was like, you're letting us leave.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
You can watch all the clips and videos from this podcast on the Bill Simmons YouTube channel. Speaking of the Ringer, Big announcement coming from us this week.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
So we ended up at a craps table. Wait a minute, he got vigged out.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
I'm out. I'm not playing. But for some reason, paid them 40 extra dollars not to gamble. Yeah. So he ended up at a craps table with Craig and Danny and Danny from the Ringer Fantasy Football Show, who were having a great time playing craps.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
And JJ is there. JJ Jadrzewski, host of New York, New York, who's had a couple and is dialed at the 10. And he was locked in. He's yelling at dealers. He's hitting points going, pay it, pay it. Screaming, screaming. And then Raheem comes in, also from the Ringer Sunday pregame.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
And he's not really doing anything. And then all of a sudden he just bets on the don't come line for the shooter across the table because he thinks the guy looks like a bad bet. And we're all on the come line, which is like in the poker table for the craps of people listening. Like y'all want the craps table to be a line betting on the shooter rooting for them.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
The recipe to beat him was to basically beat the shit out of him and blow him out, which is easier said than done. The Eagles did it. It was great.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Like there's this weird dynamic that develops. Raheem's just shorting it basically. Guy hits and JJ just gets mad at Raheem, which he should have. It's like, don't take sides against the family, Raheem. This is indefensible. Indefensible, Raheem. He's yelling at her. And I was like, it is. It's indefensible. So Raheem ends up not doing it. So anyway, Raheem became the don't come guy.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
But we were there. House is there. Van is behind us. We're all pooling bets together because it's a $50 craps table, which is absurd.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Craig had a nice little run.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
And then at the end of the night, I had like, I just got on a heater and I just wasn't throwing a seven for like 30 minutes. Yeah. It was great. But what happens is when you, when you start doing one like that and more and more people come over the table and people start betting and everyone's betting points and it's like three minutes between throws.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
And you're just like, I'm hot. Get me the dice back. And this guy's like, give me a hard 10, hard six, give me two on this. And it's by the time it, so I, I, I blame the guy at the other side of the table. You know what? I don't, I think it's, I think it's intentional.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
See, motherfucker, you're icing me and making money for me at the same time. Then we finally hit the number. And then the best part was there's some bet that the fantasy guys were doing, which is like, you can bet eight, nine, 10, 11, 12. And somebody has to hit all five of those numbers before they throw a seven and it's 30 to one odds. It seems inconceivable. And I was throwing it for so long.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Only the 11 was left. And then I finally hit the 11 and I've never seen those guys happier.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
They were like when the defensive line is watching somebody about to attempt a game winning field goal. They had their arms around each other, but literally for an hour.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
I love it. It was a Danny Kelly, right?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
That's hilarious. Yeah, it was great. It was a good hang. Everybody was in rare form, including Raheem, who was trying to short the table for some reason. I'm going to talk to HR about Raheem. I might have been an HR violation.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
JJ was the MVP though. And he blew out my right eardrum and I was covered in spit by the end of the day, but I loved it. It was great.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Cause I got excited.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
I got to say he would, he really did get the energy going screaming, pay it at the dealer. You're not going to believe it, but the dealers, they don't, they don't love it. Right. It's kind of, it's pay it. And a dollar for you, bro. Do what you want with this. This is a dollar. So that casino used to be called Harris. And I guess technically still is, but now it's a Caesars.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
But I've had, I think, of the most fun gambling moments of my life. I, for some reason, at least five or six of them have been, it's just my favorite place to probably play blackjack or craps. The dealers are all nice. They're all, they're all from here. They seem like they are. And they're just like, they move at a pace. So you feel like they're not just trying to rush you out.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
You know, it seems like they're rooting for you. Like when you bet for them, they really appreciate it. And, uh, I, I really always really enjoyed it. It's right in the middle of downtown. So you can leave and just walk to where you're going.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
but it seemed like everything was 50, a hundred. So I think it was, uh, it was scaring off people a little bit. Any other, uh, any other gambling stuff? Jake Elliott was way over on, on all his points.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
So that triple crown bet that I stayed away from because it seemed like just a trap. It seemed like impossible to hit all three. It ended up being Mahomes passing, Xavier Worthy receiving. And Hurts rushing. And Hurts rushing. So I wonder what that must have been like 20 to one. I have no idea. What are the odds of that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. At least. Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Worthy had probably like the sixth or seventh best thoughts. Triple crown bet. That was bizarre. I can't recommend it.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
I don't want to talk out of school, but I wouldn't call the FanDuel guys elated that the game went over. I wouldn't say there was high-fiving in the suite. And the Mahomes yardage props going up, I wouldn't say that was a high-five special either. No way. The Kelsey and Barkley stuff.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
They told me, and I said this on Million Dollar Picks, that the most one-sided bet of the week from a prop standpoint was Barkley to score a touchdown.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
It was like 99.9% of the bets were on it. And the no TD was plus 150. And they were like, it was like $0 on it or like $7 or something.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Especially, it's not like it's a major birthday. It's like, oh, cool, I'm 28. How do we feel about any other betting stuff that you wanted to hit? What was going on at the Super Bowl party you went to?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
He said the land of the free because he bet the over, I think.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Why didn't that count?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Oh, I'm not going to do that. I'm going to be way classier than that.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
It's how long the performance is. It was two hours, two minutes and whatever.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
You got to leave the nightclub. You're out.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Well, Mahomes hit all the overs. He hit his touchdown over. Did he hit? How many rushes did he have? Because that was another one. He needed, what, five and a half, right? Shit. So he didn't hit any of the rushing stuff.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Hunt three for nine, Pacheco three for seven. That was like one of the reasons I loved all the Mahomes overs when I was planning the game out in my head was I didn't think the Chiefs were going to be able to run the ball. And it turned out they didn't think so either because they started the game and they basically threw the ball every down, it seemed like.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
And they were trying to keep the Eagles off pace. Seven carries outside of Mahomes' defense. Didn't work. Did you have Matt Ariza punting for over 310 yards? No. No, I did not. Was that even a bet? Did you bet on the total number of punting yards? Yeah, I think they did. I think they did. That's a pretty good one. Wait, how many did he have? He had six punts. Yeah, 311. Six punts for 311.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Elliott's 50-yard field goal. Oh, you had people in the suite were congratulating me on your behalf that you, the Devontae Smith, that long pass. That was one of your favorite props.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
It's tough, though, when... when your offense is such dog shit, I think it has to start affecting the defense at some point. Cause the defense did get a couple of stops and you know, they got the interception when it seemed like the Eagles might be going up 14, nothing. They got the ball back and then just over and over again, they were just getting kicked in the nuts by the offense. Yep.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
It's unusual. Let's uh, we'll take one more break. And then we'll talk about your week in New Orleans, plus some look-ahead bets for next season. Well, it's the saddest time of the season. There's no football. There's no Guest Alliance for next week. You are a Guest Alliance champion. Two legends fell this season. Me and Guest Alliance. That's right.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
It was always like, well, Simmons, when it gets to the big moments, he'll win and Sal's going to lose again. You beat me. And then Mahomes, he got kicked off Gold Island. And the Chiefs are now mortal. And now we can actually talk about them rationally again. And we could talk about the refereeing.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
You're toast if that's the case. It was the worst fear if you're a Chiefs fan because you were already nervous about your line. You already felt like you were sneaking by game after game. You have a left guard playing left tackle, which we saw Jeff Saturday on Friday night. We were asking him about it. Just like, how hard is that to go from guard to tackle?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Brown pass interference to start the game.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
So we have NFL next year. I'm going on FanDuel right now. Do you have the odds? I do. Okay. Eagles and Chiefs favored. Wow. That never happens. Would anything surprise you on those odds?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Niners 14 to one. I'd like to, I'll, I'll book those bets from people. Really? They want, yeah, I think those are, so we should talk about this with the chiefs too. I don't think the chiefs have missed their longterm window, but I wonder like how much rehab repair they have to do with this nucleus they have.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Cause they have a lot of stuff to fix, but they're also, they have a money going out and all these different directions.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
You know, it's not like, Oh, we need a left tackle. Cool. Fucking 12 teams need a left tackle. Right. You're not the only one. You drafted a left tackle last year at the end of the second round. If you missed on that pick, that's what gets into what we talked about earlier with if you start missing these drafts or missing picks, it starts to have this cumulative effect.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
So the stuff that they need, it's not like you just go to the store and buy it. Everyone wants a left tackle.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Fourth from the bottom. Is that fair? Ridiculous. I promise you we won't be the fourth worst team.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
I love it. We're going to go 10-7 next year. Wow. Yeah, we're going 10-7 next year. I don't know that for a fact.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
It's not just that Brady is better than Mahomes. Mahomes has to leave Goat Island. Get off. Take a hike. Get your suitcase and leave. Take your wife with you. Take your dad.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
And he was basically saying, well, when you're a guard, you're a guard for a reason. Your arms are too short. You're not tall enough. You're not quite strong enough. Your footwork's not quite good enough. That's how you end up being a guard instead of a tackle. And it's like when you're playing a guard as a tackle, it's usually a little bit of a dangerous sign.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Just looking at these blindly, Chargers 29-1 jumped out at me. Yeah. Commanders 23-1 have to be taken seriously because they laid a nice foundation, have a good QB and a good coaching staff, and have some stuff that they can do in the offseason.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Is Minnesota at 33-1 nuts? Hmm. Like, what if JJ McCarthy's good next year? Right.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Really? Yeah. He's going to sign like a 50. Well, maybe he couldn't find a flight.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
You're trying to leave New Orleans on a Saturday.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Baltimore 7-1. I wish those odds were better because that's a team I would think too. If they were in the 10-1 to 12-1 range, I'd be excited about it. Green Bay 8-2-1 will be a sexy pick. I'm not doing it. Houston 27-1 with some receivers coming back and a couple more draft picks maybe. Bad division. I don't know.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Or that they couldn't do anything against the offensive line like what the Eagles did. He watched the offensive line this week. And you could tell pretty quickly because they were doing those design rollout plays that gave me PTSD to Brady against the Giants that first Super Bowl. When he was under such siege, he had to do the quick rollouts with extra blockers, plant your feet, and then chuck it.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
And they were running those in the first quarter. And I thought, I was saying to Tommy, who I went to the game with, I was like, this is not good if they're running that kind of shit. That means they think they can't block these guys at all. Tommy Hearns? Tommy Hearns. Tommy Hearns was the thing. But you could see it.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
I don't know what I was picking up during the game, whether the TV was, but you could just watch the four guys pushing the line and all the other guys kind of coming back. And the Chiefs receivers weren't, really good enough to get open.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Mahomes was bad because he missed guys, but I could also, there were other plays where he just didn't have guys. There was nobody to throw to.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
I might just look. We would have said Lamar or Josh.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Oh, Drake May, 60 to 1. He's not on there, is he? Yeah, he sure is. He's right in there with Sam Darnold and Michael Penix. Sam Darnold with 14 games. Just a whiff out of Geno Smith. By the way, Bryce Young is on there too. I went to a party yesterday that Shaq was at and Bryce Young and they were talking to each other and it was amazing. It was like Mr. Work and tattoo. I was like fascinated.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
He was a foot and a half smaller than Shaq.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Bryce Young's 5'8 and Shaq's like 7'1. It was just amazing to see them next to each other and be like, which guy's the professional athlete right now? Shaq is always at any party is just riveting. He's the best. It's Shaq. He's he's the best guy. He's like the nicest guy. He's the coolest guy to everybody. He's like just really a genuinely nice guy. But he's also gigantic. He looks like Shaq.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
You just see him moving through. You can't not see him. Everybody's looking at him. He handles it great. He's just a nice guy.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Barkley's the best celebrity I've ever seen in public just with how he navigates all the people around him because he's big. He's obviously 6'6", so you notice him right away, but he just loves everything. People just gravitate to him. Shaq's a little like that too. Yeah. So we have any other future ads? I guess they don't have like who's getting traded or whatever.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
But so if you're the Chiefs are going into the game and you're going, well, We've gotten pretty lucky in some of these close games. Everyone's taking us. And we do have some holes that the right team could maybe get. But the recipe of this game wasn't what I thought, even though it was the blowout part. Mahomes was awful. Hertz was really good. Hertz didn't just outplay my homes.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Give me some of the New Orleans highlights. You were here doing a bunch of great ringer stuff, including getting hit in the face with a Slim Jim.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Well, bro, same day, same.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Can we do a Fandle show where just people play crafts with JJ after he's had three drinks? I feel like that would be an amazing show. How does he gain steam at four in the morning? Like, it's so crazy. Oh, man. He's like when you turn the TV up, the volume up, and it's just going, and that's just the volume. There was no sign at all of him being tired.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
I think he'd still be there if we didn't want to leave.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
I couldn't believe they played all those songs together, too. We talked to some fun people. I'd never talked to Diana Rossini before. She's a delight. We talked to her for like a half hour. And she's like seven of your cousins.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
It's like the honorary member of your family almost.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
We talked to some fun people. I got, you know, I've been to a bunch of different Super Bowls. I hadn't come in a while. There was the one in LA that doesn't count. That was the last, the last Super Bowl that was in LA that I went to was ironically Ravens Niners. I just kind of.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
I hadn't gone forever and liked watching the game. I liked doing the pod with you after the game. And I just kind of never, never went, never wanted to go for the pats after the second giants game. Cause it was, it was just so emotionally, it's so bad to be there when your team, like I was feeling for the chiefs fans. When you're limping out of the stadium, it's the worst.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Half of the people are the happiest and you're just like in fucking sports hell. It's the worst.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
It was Ravens Niners. That was the blackout game.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
First down and goal from the four, and they don't score the go-ahead touchdown.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Like he badly, badly outclassed my homes, which I thought was, uh, yeah, it was, was pretty nuts. Um, sorry, my computer's doing some weird stuff. I'm in a hotel room.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Well, the other, so I saw Pat's Rams was the first Superbowl I ever went to, which was like, honestly, one of like the 25 best moments of my life. Probably that whole day was amazing. Um, and then the second game was the blackout game. And so when I had a chance to go to this one, I was like, this is going to be an amazing game. It's a super dome. This is just going to be magical.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
And, uh, and everything was great except for the game. But New Orleans is the funny thing about New Orleans is it just never changes. Yeah. Like you go to, you go to, and I mean that in a good way. It just feels exactly like it did 23 years ago. All the streets are the same. All the, a lot of the hotels are the same.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
They don't really, it's not one of those places where there's like 17 crazy new things that are up. They just really keep the soul of the place intact. It's really a special place. I love it.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
You've said this for 20 years. To me, it's Miami, New Orleans, Vegas. That's it? And I think you could make a case for LA because of, but it's a little spread out.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
beautiful right with the sun setting and everything like it's nice to have an outdoor uh option too yeah i think i would say new orleans miami and vegas for the way the city kind of blends in with the game when it gets like they they love to have it in like glendale but glendale people are staying in phoenix they're staying in scottsdale it's all over the map um it seems like they're getting out of the habit of putting it in cities just because they built the stadium mm-hmm
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Like when they were doing that with Jacksonville. Yeah, no Atlanta.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Yeah, I would go New Orleans 10 times over Atlanta. Well, the other thing with New Orleans is it's really hard to get hotel rooms here. So the ticket demand, it's almost easier to get tickets than it is a hotel room anywhere near where the game is.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
I said my hands up.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Yeah. Tickets dropped and you could get it on the market today for face value or lower. What we couldn't get was a hotel room because there was none and it's really hard to get in and out, obviously, but it's really cool.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Did we, Super Bowl in Dallas, did we do that? Yeah, we did. I went to that one. That was kind of, I thought that was a pretty good one. The weather was terrible, but it was, you know, that was okay. But yeah, I would, wouldn't you say Vegas, New Orleans and Miami? Those are the four. I would add LA back into it.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Yeah, so Hurts outplays Mahomes. And everybody was saying all week, ah, the Eagles have a better team. But, you know, QB and coach, late game stuff. I got to take the Chiefs. And then the QB coach saying they didn't get either of them.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Cause San Diego's out. Cause they don't have a team. Right. So they can't have it anymore. Yeah, so they try Atlanta.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Well, one of my things, I really didn't want to... This is a bad city for me, and you've seen it in action, especially like the Super Bowl 12 years ago and NBA All-Star and just bad. There's a lot of bad choices here in New Orleans. It's not a... And I'm not unproud of the decisions. It's just like you kind of lose... It's got food that you probably shouldn't keep eating, but you can't help it.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
It's got the best dessert. It's got the casino. It's got a bunch of other stuff. It never closes down. And you can really make some mistakes. And... I try to be on my good behavior. I was so proud of myself. Didn't have a drunk cigarette. No cigarettes?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
No, you lost.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
You lost on that and you lost on my home.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
So that's the other thing we were talking about. Next year is Santa Clara. We did the WrestleMania in Santa Clara. It was a mess. And that was WrestleMania. Superbowl is like a way bigger event. It's really hard to move around.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Yeah. New Orleans. Great job as a great city. Great food. Love being here. It's a one of a kind.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Never happened. Yeah. They're frying just, and they'll fry anything here. Yeah. They just don't care. Anything's possible. Anything else you want to hear from the week? That's it.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Let's do it. Yeah, no, do a parent corner. We're good.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Or thinking about bringing them home a gift or anything? Yes.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Well, this one, the 0-2 is the final. Could not have been on a lot of cards. 0-2 are not good.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Oh, that's interesting. That would be a good Venmo ad. That should be a Venmo Super Bowl ad. Biggest day of the year. We won't tell anyone if you don't tell anyone.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
That should be their strategy. Right. You know, we forgot to talk about the halftime show, by the way. The Kendrick thing where I knew he was playing not like us because I was tipped off, but they teased it. So that it was like, am I going to do it? Am I going to do it? And then they did it. And the whole crowd, at least part of the crowd, was singing the chorus. And it was pretty great.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
He looked like he was going to be fired in September. He looked like he was going to make it to Halloween.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
I mean, he had already decisively won the beef. And then this was like... almost like going for two and running the Philly special when you're up 52 to seven with two minutes left and just like the all-time FU exclamation point. It was pretty great.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
It was exactly as polarizing as I think he wanted it to be. He didn't play all like, here are my five best songs. He didn't do the usual thing and it was all leading.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
I mean, he went after everybody. He's probably going to go after us. Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Kick him off. Go down.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
You know, it wasn't a great year so far for the gambling industry. Didn't do well on any of the Chiefs bets. Million dollar picks got killed in the playoffs. Just not great. But my mom's text about what the hell is going on during the halftime show made up for 90% of it. She didn't know what was happening.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
It should almost be like its own social media channel of old people trying to understand the Super Bowl halftime show act, which I think is part of the point of the halftime show act, right? Yeah. To just make at least one third of the country go like, what's going on? What's he saying?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Or dad texts. This is terrible. I don't think anyone over 60 enjoyed it. Right. I don't necessarily have a parent corner. I have a wife corner. And you kind of know this story, but I'm going to tell it again just for the pod. So you guys are all here and house is here. And House posts a picture of him and Paige Sparenak on his Instagram. It's him and Van and Paige Sparenak. I took it.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Arms around them. You took the picture. So my wife that night is like, hey, what's going on with House? And I'm like, what do you mean? And she's like, did you see his Instagram? I'm like, no, I didn't. What happened? And she shows me like, this is crazy. Like his wife's like, what's his wife's going to like, like put all this stuff outside. Like, how do you do this?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
If you did this, I would fucking kill you.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
And I'm like, And I'm like, that's Paige Sparrow. So now I have to walk her through the whole, this isn't just like I took a picture with an attractive blonde. This is actually somebody in the golf community. She's got 4 million followers on Instagram. You showed her the Instagram pictures? I brought her on Instagram. I'm like, this is who it is. It's a celebrity.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
It's actually a very smart move by House for social media to take a picture with her. This will probably be the most looked at Instagram post Joe house, a man in his mid fifties is probably going to have this year. So he has to do the post. And so now I'm explaining to her this whole, you know, cottage industry of, of, uh, of,
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Would Paige, like leveraging social media the way she does, going on Radio Row.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
But this worked? No, she was pro-Page. She was like, oh, I get it now. I see it. Yeah, more power to her. She just didn't understand why House was doing that. She thought it was like some sort of like midlife crisis, my marriage is in the tank thing. So I had to walk her through it and then also introduce her into the world of social media and sports and how it takes some twists and turns.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
So we saw about three of the worst jobs. Yeah. And Hertz was great. Like even Hertz had that on the first drive. He had a perfect throw down the sideline to AJ Brown that got called back for a pretty shaky pass interference. And then everybody had the same reaction. Here we go.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
It was very exciting. So when you said later that your wife might not have been thrilled about the Slim Jim, like, you know what? We're all just trying to stay relevant here in the old sports media world. It's all about clicks. I'm not going to end up probably with that woman.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
But Joe House, not a polarizing guy. I've never had a fight with him in 37 years. Of course. One of the highest approval rating people of anybody who I'm friends with and beloved by my wife. And it was like the first time she's ever been mad at Joe House.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
It's still there. Yeah, it's weird. Dead wrong about the game. Don't even feel that bad about it. What are we going to do? Like the Chiefs did this over and over again. It was idiotic to go against them. And I just didn't want to do it again. After that Ravens game last year, I just don't. I just didn't want it. So now, now we can treat a football season normally.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Now we can just bet against them. Now we don't have to talk about this mystical thing or whatever. Just have some opinions. And now there's room on the island. Now the room, the island is back. The penthouse suite has opened up on Goat Island. Tom Brady's back. That's it. All right, Sal. So this is it for yet another football season for us. This is season 07 to 16.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
I think this is season 19 for us.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Next year is our 20th season for Guess the Lines. Oh, it is. Oh, we got to do something. Yeah. Yeah, because we started in 07 and next year is, oh no, is it? No, it's our 18th. I can't count. Maybe 19. This is 2024 season heading into the 25th. But yeah, so next year is 19.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Have all the great music that's played. Everything. Well, this is about as bad as I can remember doing the playoffs in a while. Just never had a feel for it this year.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
The playoffs in general. But we're going to do some basketball stuff. You still got Against All Odds, and you still have the Pop Red Tape Show. Yeah. But you're going to come on a couple times. And then we're doing Masters. We're bringing Baby Doll to the Masters this year. That's the most important sports moment of the year for everybody. You got basketball coming. You got the NBA.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Now you can watch NBA. Now you can care about NBA.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Wouldn't that be Worthy? Worthy had to have gone the fastest, right?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
We can always just call each other on the phone or just see each other in person. There's that.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Um, all right. Thanks to, uh, Steve Cerruti, Kyle Creighton and Kyle as well for, uh, producing this all the way through. We did not do YouTube live this week cause I'm in new Orleans, but, um, but we had a lot of fun doing that too. Thanks to everybody for spreading the word for us. And I got a new rewatchables coming tomorrow night too. So it's a big movie, big movie from the eighties.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Any guesses? Really big, famous eighties movie. I'm going to guess wrong. Haven't done it yet. Well, now there's a couple left. This is a big one. Very excited about it. It's SNL related. Coneheads. It's not Conettes. Oh, forget it. Blues Brothers. We did the Blues Brothers.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Yeah, it was time. Anyway, that's coming on Monday night. So, Sal, last time of the year. Good job by you. Good job by you, buddy.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Must be 21 plus and president select states for Kansas and affiliation with Kansas Star Casino or 18 plus and president DC. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER or visit rg-help.com. Call 1-888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org slash chat in Connecticut or visit mdgamblinghelp.org in Maryland. Hope is here.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Visit gamblinghelplinema.org or call 800-327-5050 for 24-7 support in Massachusetts or call 1-877-8-HOPE-NY or text HOPE-NY in New York.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
He was really good.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Yeah, he was... I thought... I mean, he only had five incompletions. He was 11 for 72 running. He had some pretty back-breaking runs at the perfect times. He had some really nice throws. I didn't feel like... Other than that pick... which it was a pick, but it also wasn't like the worst thing in the world. The guy got tackled at the two.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Anyway, coming up on this podcast, I went to Super Bowl 59 in New Orleans. Cousin Sal watched it from home in LA. It was a disappointing game. but it had a lot of subplots. And we're going to talk about all of them next. First, our friends from Pearl Jam. All right, we're recording about 20 minutes after Super Bowl 59. A true dud. Cousin Sal is here. I was shellacked. My bets were shellacked.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
I mean, it could not get a first down early on. Yeah. But you think that Barkley was 25 for 57. The chiefs were saying, you're not beating, you're not beating us in Barkley. That didn't matter. Cause you know, Hertz was getting these plays and then Mahomes was just awful. I mean, so I'm looking big picture for the, for the Eagle side of this.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
incredible drafting yeah for a couple years in a row which is the key to everything and this was as you know obviously was so focused on that 20-year pats run and it always ebbed and flowed with the drafts they always had brady and belichick and it always came down to could they get two or three good drafts in a row if they didn't that's when the team started to fall apart the eagles had the opposite they just nailed drafts they had some luck
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Like Jalen Carter falls to nine because he had a pretty terrible car crash incident with one of his teammates. And he falls seven spots lower than he should have. Even our guy Koop, I mean, he fell to 39. He was the third best defensive back in the draft. The Pats passed on him, traded back, passed on him again. And it's just over and over again. They're nailing these dudes.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
And then Barkley was one of the best signings of the decade.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
It's killing you. I can see the pain in your eyes.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
We make it about us.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
I know it's so you think like even with this, even with the playoffs for the Eagles, right? First round. They played Green Bay. Solid game. 22-10. Shut Green Bay down. Offense wasn't great. Some Hurts questions remained. The Rams game. They're up comfortably the whole game. Then at the end, defense gets tired. And it felt like the Rams were going to steal the game. And there were some signs.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
It's like Hurts couldn't put them away. It's like, huh, what's that? But then those last two games, the Washington and the Casey games are about as good. And we've been on the other side of this where we've ridden teams over the years. Like the 2000 Ravens was one of my favorite. That Bucks team with Brady. That was another one.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
This was another one of those teams that just got better over the four rounds. Had this defense was just felt like they peaked at the perfect time. Unlike the Chiefs. Yeah. And we did the opposite of peaking.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
We're saving that for the next segment. All right. A couple of things with the Eagles that we should just remember from a playoff manifesto standpoint. Casey was negotiating for that three-peat That story came out during the week that they were negotiating with Pat Riley about the three-peat and how to pay. That's going in the manifesto. I'm putting it in next year in the playoff manifesto.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
If one team is negotiating for what's going to happen after they win the title, that's immediately a fuck you. I can't believe I didn't factor that into anything.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
You put that red on the chalkboard. This team's already negotiating after they think they're going to win. I don't know. That seemed like not nothing. You don't think?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Pat Riley had $5 million under Carly and Jimmy Butler's first game with the Warriors.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
red flags. There's a revenge thing too, right? Cause they lost to the chiefs a couple of years ago. So that was in there.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
But, um, the lesson for me, and this was the single worst game to talk about ever since we've been doing this because everybody, it did almost the analysis didn't matter because it all came down to, well, the Eagles are better really everywhere, but you know, you can't go against the chiefs like that. That was literally including me and including you. It was like that.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
So now I feel like we're back. Now we can analyze football games correctly again. And now we can actually have takes because the chiefs have kind of ruined it. Like the fucking Luca trade took over the Superbowl discourse all week. Cause it was like, it wasn't even fun to talk about this Eagles game.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
That's what everyone was saying. Should we just lose our jobs? I've been in the world since Friday.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Why didn't this happen to the Rams? You know, even Washington, like last week, Daniels moved the ball really well against the Eagles. And when you look back at the mistakes that they made, it was nothing that had to do with him. He was moving around. He was felt like he was in control of the game. And then his supporting cast kind of screwed the game up.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
So, you know, but on the other hand, they had two weeks to prepare. They obviously came in thinking, if we can get a lead, we can, you know, we're going to be able to dominate this game. And that's what I did. I was in the, I watched the game. I was in the FanDuel suite, our friends at FanDuel. Look at you. Yeah, it was great. It was actually really fun getting some of the insights of,
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
you know, where people had too much money, not enough money, some of the props like that. Everybody, the Barkley, Barkley was under on everything. He didn't score a touchdown. Like, so all those hit the Kelsey stuff was way under my homes was under for a while. But the big thing they were saying was the line never moved.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
And even though everybody that we saw all weekend in new Orleans was like Casey, Casey, Casey, Casey, the betting was pretty even. And a lot of the sharp money was on Phillies. So the line stayed the same, which, you know, is usually kind of a red flag. So the public all thinks the Chiefs are going to win, but yet the line's not moving?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Oh, let's talk about that. So Dotson catches a long touchdown.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Dotson was 85-1. Incredible. To be the first touchdown. They're celebrating. It seemed like a touchdown. Watching from the stands, unquestionably a touchdown. And then they review it. It's like, whoop, not a touchdown. All of a sudden, we're tush pushing. They had Hertz anytime touchdown. Hertz first touchdown was one of the most popular bets. So that was a loss. I had both of those.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Philly Ruins the Chiefs and Mahomes Craps the Bed With Cousin Sal
Million dollar picks were shellacked. I can't wait to talk about something that happened at the end of the game. Mahomes was terrible. Talk slow, Bill.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Soto’s a Met, KC Doinks It Up, Bleakest NFL Franchises, Rams-Bills Bliss, and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
I didn't think they scored six.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Soto’s a Met, KC Doinks It Up, Bleakest NFL Franchises, Rams-Bills Bliss, and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
I'm red hot too.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Soto’s a Met, KC Doinks It Up, Bleakest NFL Franchises, Rams-Bills Bliss, and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Who hates you?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Soto’s a Met, KC Doinks It Up, Bleakest NFL Franchises, Rams-Bills Bliss, and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
765.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Soto’s a Met, KC Doinks It Up, Bleakest NFL Franchises, Rams-Bills Bliss, and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
You're like the little brother. I think you're worse than a little brother. You're like the freaking cousin. I am the cousin, but thank you. Well, you're literally the cousin. I don't even know if you're the brother. You haven't won in 38 years. Oh, stop it.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Soto’s a Met, KC Doinks It Up, Bleakest NFL Franchises, Rams-Bills Bliss, and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Oh, yeah. Eight hundred million. I'm still worth eighty eight dollars. What do I care?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Soto’s a Met, KC Doinks It Up, Bleakest NFL Franchises, Rams-Bills Bliss, and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
And he left the Yankees.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Soto’s a Met, KC Doinks It Up, Bleakest NFL Franchises, Rams-Bills Bliss, and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Six and seven.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Soto’s a Met, KC Doinks It Up, Bleakest NFL Franchises, Rams-Bills Bliss, and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Oh, I pulled it out. Four. It's five and a half. Oh, my God. What a win. What a day. One Soto. This is great.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
Soto’s a Met, KC Doinks It Up, Bleakest NFL Franchises, Rams-Bills Bliss, and Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
And they'll just be like, Mike, that Fugo hit both uprights. And the crossbar somehow went through back. I can't believe how many uprights do they have in Arrowhead.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Patriots Are Pathetic, Detroit Crushes Minnesota, Plus Wild-Card Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Mike, I don't know what happened. I don't know what happened, Mike.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Patriots Are Pathetic, Detroit Crushes Minnesota, Plus Wild-Card Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
And they all won. The Raiders, the Giants, and the Patriots. No, but in the last three weeks, all those teams have won. I know, but Tennessee knew the job today. Cleveland knew the job yesterday.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Patriots Are Pathetic, Detroit Crushes Minnesota, Plus Wild-Card Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
We're winners. That's the big thing. We had the Lions.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Patriots Are Pathetic, Detroit Crushes Minnesota, Plus Wild-Card Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
They're not going to do whatever. They're always going to try.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Patriots Are Pathetic, Detroit Crushes Minnesota, Plus Wild-Card Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
All right, we're idiots.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Patriots Are Pathetic, Detroit Crushes Minnesota, Plus Wild-Card Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
You're like, oh, there's Marcus Mariota and Trey Lance. Oh, wow, Jimmy G. What's he up to? Jimmy G. I'm going to go over and talk to him. Yeah, Jimmy. Jimmy G, you still living in Los Angeles?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Patriots Are Pathetic, Detroit Crushes Minnesota, Plus Wild-Card Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Yeah, and I've seen it. I feel like there's a lot of crap there. I don't think he pushed off. You think that was a push off? Watch it again.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Patriots Are Pathetic, Detroit Crushes Minnesota, Plus Wild-Card Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Oh, I'm sorry.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The Patriots Are Pathetic, Detroit Crushes Minnesota, Plus Wild-Card Guess the Lines With Cousin Sal
Yeah, let's see that game, right? Don't we want to see Baltimore-Buffalo? How about neither of you guys screw up?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
He definitely did.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
Yes, yes, yes. Denver? Sure. Clippers, new arena? Amazing. Golden State, sure. Memphis? I would rather own Memphis, yes. Really? Really?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
I guess that's right.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
Tough one.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
Toronto? I'd rather be Toronto. Yeah, yeah. Toronto. Brooklyn?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
New Orleans.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
$100?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
Yeah, and it was looking like back in 1992, all my buddies, we went to Vegas and none of us had a phone and we were on top of the world. And then we all lost each other and we were like a pissed off mood and didn't talk to each other on the way back. And that's kind of how it was. You don't have a phone. You don't have anything.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
And you have Baby Doll, who is about 65 minutes late in estimating where he's going to be at all times.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
Right.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
Yeah. And I think it was like, you had no problem leaving them. And House and I felt a little bad, like, Oh, this is our child acting up. Why is he kicking everyone in the shins? We should stay back and have a talk with him or at least make sure that he has a ride back because he doesn't have a phone and everything like that. But you have to understand like with him, I'm going to date myself here.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
This is like the toy when he's there. He is just shopping and nonstop shopping. He could shop like for hours and hours. And like it's such a so conflicting because you want to walk and you want to go right. You're breaking Roger Bannister's four minute mile.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
You're not even really looking at the course. You're checking out your sketches and all the way up. And baby's stopping every 25 feet. Like, yeah, this is where Seve Ballesteros bailed himself out on 14. And, you know.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
Like, oh, let me see that. And I toss it over, what would it be, like two or three rows of ropes?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
I wish I had known before.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
No, much funnier. Way funnier for Sal. One more. Let me just throw one more. We're in Atlanta once. We're in a car. We get picked up by these executives. Jimmy's going there to get a Coca-Cola commercial, we hope. And we're going to tour the factory and everything else. And we get picked up by these guys. And I'm in the backseat with Baby, who's bragging about his sunglasses.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
Yeah, these are my $300 sunglasses. I couldn't bring my $500 sunglasses because I want to put that through the machine. But these are $300. I have like four or five of these. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then I had enough of the song. I'm like, oh, let me see. Like, what the hell am I going to do when I see it? I take a look and it had a sunroof, which was open.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
And I like Michael Jordan, just perfect, like right through the sunroof outside into traffic.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
He didn't get the commercial. You didn't get it?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
Right, right, right. He's in the boardroom. These guys, big PowerPoint presentation. Try to woo Jimmy. They're in suits and everything. And baby is always on the messed up time. Although Atlanta should be on the same time as New York. But I think I flew from LA with you guys. But anyway. Fell asleep during the meeting. And I take a bottle cap. And I said, baby. And I toss that and he hits you.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
And you're like Spicoli and fast. I'm like, you dick. And nobody knew how to react.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
I knew it was a bad idea, but it would be good for this. I just instinctively, I knew.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
It's the most perfect security camera clip I've ever seen. I didn't know the Heimlich, and I didn't know if these security guards were catching it.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
If you knew you had the camera, maybe you still would have filmed it. But Brad lived. He lived, right?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
You're nicer now. You're older. You're a nicer guy now. But in Chang's case, he's already tortured. I mean, can you find a more tortured man? He's not like bragging about shit like baby.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
Chang's just a mess. This is true. He could also poison any meal he wants.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
Oh, good point.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
The big part of it was your cousin, you know? Me? I think you read Jon Stewart a bedtime story every day.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
No, but you know, as you said it, it's kind of genius. He gives the toast to give the impression that he's there for most of the night, knowing that he's going to bounce 20, 30 minutes later. Fair enough. That was not why I did it, but it worked out though.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
So, yeah, we had last night, we had an incident where we ran into an agent that we both know. And he was, I don't want to say, but he's a little sloppy. And it was like, all right, this is going to be a two minute conversation. We know how let's just be done in two minutes. And he's like, And then he's introducing Baby to someone else. He's like, this is James Babydoll Dixon.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
He manages Jon Stewart and John Oliver. He doesn't manage John Oliver, but Baby wants this conversation over so fast, doesn't even correct him, right? But he locks eyes with me like, all right, I'll let him go. 30 seconds later, he's telling this guy, you know, oh, not only that, but Baby Doll is a member of four clubs, four golf clubs, pretty prestigious. He's like, excuse me? Four? Nine.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
He's all right that it gets out that he manages John Albers. Heaven forbid.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
Will you teach him, Chang, about like charity and stuff like that, that he can put his money to other places?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
It feels like he played with him because he followed him on every hole and yelled words of encouragement.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
Yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
He's smoking on the show. You had Ray Romano when he was on, right?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
Tale of the tape. 1,700 cigarettes a day.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
Speaking of smokers, I don't care. If you want to cut this, that's fine. But baby, you know how he brags about knowing people. We saw it with Rory McIlroy. Rory didn't pay attention at all. Didn't give him the time of day. This will happen. Oh, baby claims to know people. He doesn't know people. Oh, John, Sean Penn is on the show. Jimmy, I have to meet him. I'm going to go see him. Oh, yeah.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
In your monologue. And, you know, then he goes on to tell stories about his relationship with Sean. Maybe they did nefarious things. Maybe he was smoking more than cigarettes back in the day. He tells me the story or whatever. So maybe he's like, all right, I'm going to go see Sean. And I'm like, I'm fucking going with you.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
And he's like, you know you're biding your time here because he's not being forthcoming or whatever.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
And then publicist like shoots up like, get out of here. You two get out of here now.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
It works every time. About what? About 800 important people guarding whatever or leading you through to somewhere ever. And it's a nice way to F with people.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
Thank you.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
Thank you.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
. . . . . ., en P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P. P,實, not.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
He was good in that. He was very good in that. You might not have seen it yourself. I'm looking at you now.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
Yeah, it's not even worth talking about. But to be honest, how lucky are you to have navigated this representing three heavy hitters at late night and avoiding conflicts for the most part for two and a half seconds?
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
All-timer.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
Why? They're dumb. If you're not reselling them, what's the freaking point? It's like the Beanie Babies of the golf world.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
We don't need to talk about that.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
But I wanted to resell them, though. You did? Well, yeah. I wasn't attached to them.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
Build up all week and then crash. Simmons.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
I had Morikawa. He was minus three, then bogey, bogey, bogey to even. I'll stick with him, but I almost feel like at this point you put money on Scheffler because if he's like this tomorrow, I think he'll be like minus 40, 150.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
I love it. I love everything about it. But I don't think you could say that. I don't even have an answer for you. But I think it's eliminated because most people would rather be home on Sunday watching on TV than following the action because it's so hard.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
Right.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
There's nothing like the walk with you guys. You guys knowing the ins and outs of every hole. And hey, if we're in this spot, we could see three holes. And aside from just Amen Corner, there's just a whole bunch. Like, oh my God. Like if you walked around your neighborhood, I don't know if you would know the streets as well as you do like the holes and everything else.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
Maybe not. Save it for the Amazon execs. Baby.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
I don't know if we should do this. Insult. I'm insulting. You should be insulting.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
Right.
The Bill Simmons Podcast
The NBA’s Wacky West, Tales From Augusta, and the Baby Doll Chronicles | With Joe House, Cousin Sal, Nathan Hubbard, Dave Chang, and Baby Doll
Took the toothpick, stuck it in his throat.