Corinne Vien
Appearances
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
10. The Silent Witness
Jake is the only known person to survive stage four of acute toxic progressive leukoencephalopathy. That alone is extraordinary and something worthy of medical textbooks. But his survival isn't just about defying one terminal diagnosis. There's more to his story. More unexplained phenomena.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
10. The Silent Witness
Okay, so this is incredibly tough. A position that I hope none of us ever have to be in. But honestly, many of us will probably find ourselves in as we care for elder relatives and sick spouses. A terrible, terrible part of aging. But for some, the decision is presented far earlier than what was expected. And this is where covert consciousness comes into play.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
10. The Silent Witness
Dr. Edlow mentioned that there are many scenarios where the bleeding and type of brain injury gives doctors a pretty good guess at the chance of recovery. But there are also cases like Jake where consciousness and recovery isn't so clear. Dr. Edlow has dedicated much of his time to finding the answer to this question.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
10. The Silent Witness
How do you know if someone is conscious when available testing suggests that they are not? And how can Jake's case change future research?
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
10. The Silent Witness
This reminds me of those nurses who gossiped over Jake, one casually mentioning that he was brain dead. And it makes me wonder, how many doctors, nurses, and medical staff have heard Jake's story and reconsidered the way they speak around their patients? Because the truth is, you never really know who's listening.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
10. The Silent Witness
And a single comment could be a glimmer of hope or the crushing blow to someone with locked-in syndrome.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
10. The Silent Witness
More medical mysteries that challenge what we think we know about the brain and the limits of the human body. And Jake's case is forcing experts to rethink everything. Here's Dr. Brian Edlow, the neurologist who treated Jake at MGH. Dr. Edlow is the co-director of Mass General Neuroscience specializing in comas, disorders of consciousness, neurocritical care, and traumatic brain injuries.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
10. The Silent Witness
Did you catch that? 15 to 20% of people who are completely unresponsive in a bedside examination with traumatic brain injuries, who could easily be presumed vegetative or brain dead, are actually aware, stuck in their own bodies. 15 to 20%. That is a hard percentage to swallow. But I will say for many of these individuals, there are other ways of identifying this awareness.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
10. The Silent Witness
Terrifying. And even more terrifying when you realize that an EEG and an MRI could expose this covert consciousness in one patient, but for a patient like Jake, show nothing.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
10. The Silent Witness
So 15 to 20% of patients who appear unresponsive in a bedside exam have shown consistently to be covertly conscious. Yet only about 5% of hospitals have access to the tests needed. Meaning most people in this condition will remain undiscovered. Thought to be brain dead. Utterly horrifying.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
10. The Silent Witness
Extremely important work, and work that, if given proper funding, could one day give you or a family member a renewed chance at recovery. I do want to touch on a couple more things in this episode. While doctors struggled to identify meaningful consciousness in Jake, there was something happening that was a major clue of his awareness, at least to Jake. And doctors missed it.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
10. The Silent Witness
In this wildly unpredictable thriller, Nicole Kidman is the meticulous Nancy VanderGroot, a teacher and homemaker whose picture-perfect life with her community pillar husband, Matthew McFadden, and son, Jude Hill, in tulip-filled Holland, Michigan, tumbles into a twisted tale.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
10. The Silent Witness
Nancy and her friendly colleague, Gail Garcia Bernal, become suspicious of a secret, only to discover nothing in their lives is what it seems.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
10. The Silent Witness
Now, most of Jake's storming sessions were involuntary, but not all of them.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
10. The Silent Witness
Jake could set these events in motion, but he also had no way to stop them. It was a massive risk, a painful, terrifying gamble, forcing his body into a state of panic just to get the help that he needed.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
10. The Silent Witness
One person started noticing a pattern. During these storming episodes, Jake seemed to calm down when others were around him. An unmistakable sign of awareness, right? And the person who noticed? His father, Derone.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
10. The Silent Witness
And while we're on the subject of consciousness and unexplained questions, there's something else Jake experienced while trapped inside his body. In moments of heightened emotion, Jake found himself floating, watching from above. He could see himself, the hospital room, the staff, the visitors who came and went. At first, he dismissed these as hallucinations.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
10. The Silent Witness
He thought that this was the only explanation that could make sense. But as he recovered and he started asking questions, something strange happened. His memories, the details he shared, were confirmed all factually correct. Somehow, a part of Jake had detached from his physical body, allowing him to witness what was happening around him with startling accuracy.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
10. The Silent Witness
Some call it an out-of-body experience. Others, astral projection. Most scientists would call it impossible. But then again, most of what happened to Jake seemed impossible.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
10. The Silent Witness
Jake asked Eli about a time when he entered the room and had a conversation with him, describing Eli's exact outfit, and Eli confirmed everything to be an accurate depiction of what happened that day. Another presumed hallucination was of a doctor in a bow tie.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
10. The Silent Witness
Once Jake was on his path to recovery, the memory of this doctor and his goofy bow tie popped into his mind again.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
10. The Silent Witness
Life is strange, and when we find ourselves in the middle of something so bizarre, so improbable, it's easy to question our own sanity. Are we the only ones going through this? Are we completely alone? I take comfort in knowing the answer is no, definitely not.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
10. The Silent Witness
On those countless sleepless nights with my baby, it helped to remind myself that somewhere in that exact moment, other parents were doing the same. Holding their babies, fighting that same mental battle. For Jake, well, sure, some of what he's been through might resonate with others. But the combination of events? The sheer improbability of it all?
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
10. The Silent Witness
Thank you for listening to Blink. This podcast is hosted and produced by me, Corinne Vien, alongside my co-creator and survivor, Jake Handel. Our original music is composed by the brilliant and talented Michael Marguet. We're so grateful for your support. If you enjoyed this episode, please consider rating, reviewing, and sharing this story with others.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
10. The Silent Witness
For additional resources, updates, and behind-the-scenes content, visit our website, BlinkThePodcast.com. Blink will return with a new episode next Sunday.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
10. The Silent Witness
Dr. Edlow said that when Jake arrived to them, reports from other physicians at other hospitals stated that his level of consciousness seemed to be fluctuating at this time.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
10. The Silent Witness
I asked about the bedside exam and what a slight level of consciousness could mean.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
10. The Silent Witness
I asked what this uncomfortable stimulus could be. Are they throwing slimy wet rags on people just waiting for an, ew, get this off of me? Dr. Edlow laughed and he said, no, no wet rags.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
10. The Silent Witness
Now, as a reminder, when Dr. Edlow had seen Jake, this was before Jake was put on hospice, Jake had been told time and time again that he had six months to live. He would die by Christmas, and then he would die by New Year's. And there was this suspicion that maybe, just maybe, there were flickers of awareness here and there, brief sparks of life breaking through.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
10. The Silent Witness
But as this disease continued to progress, Jake's body deteriorated even more, and he was soon assumed to be mostly vegetative at best. Doctors certainly didn't realize he was conscious the entire time.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
10. The Silent Witness
And on our website, blinkthepodcast.com. The testimonies and opinions expressed by guests of the show are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of myself or affiliates of this podcast. The next few episodes will bring some major revelations, but before we dive in, I want to revisit the core of this story. Jake's medical recovery.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
10. The Silent Witness
So an MRI is not the end-all be-all in terms of providing answers in regards to consciousness and the severity of injury pertaining to consciousness. And with this realization that there could be some level of consciousness within Jake, doctors wondered if this injury to the white matter was the reason for the inconsistency in the bedside exams.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
10. The Silent Witness
Sometimes they felt like Jake was responding in a meaningful way. Sometimes he didn't respond at all. Was this just chance? Or maybe was it because the signals weren't always getting from one part of his brain to the other?
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
10. The Silent Witness
The MRI also showed that there was no injury to the cerebral cortex, which is responsible for processing and interpreting information, enabling functions like sensation and perception, voluntary movement, learning, speech, and cognition.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
10. The Silent Witness
So if Jake was conscious, this would mean he would likely be able to hear and feel, think, see, even with his positional eye gaze, but that his brain couldn't quite accurately send signals to the rest of his body to respond appropriately. To speak. to move to wince in pain.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
10. The Silent Witness
Mark was known as the dog whisperer of Anacortes.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
10. The Silent Witness
Dr. Edlow has said it himself. There's no clear answer to what caused Jake's injury. Toxic leukoencephalopathy is rare, and its origins aren't fully understood. It's believed that inhalation of toxins can lead to this diagnosis, and in Jake's case, doctors suspected heroin played a role, possibly due to a contaminant in the batch that he'd been smoking.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
10. The Silent Witness
And when he was first diagnosed, Jake recalls that the hospital actually requested a sample of his stash to be brought in for testing. And he remembers discussing this with Ellen, and she said no. She would not be bringing in a sample. Okay, so what does all of this mean in the medical world?
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
10. The Silent Witness
And for the many people out there who have loved ones in similar situations, in comas or with traumatic brain injuries, with cognitive and physical limitations that suggest little to no consciousness, now knowing of Jake's case, that he was aware the entire time, despite what the world's best brain imaging technology showed, how can we proceed with ever giving any sort of definitive medical suggestions to family members?
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
10. The Silent Witness
I can't help but think of my own family. I've watched close relatives struggle and, in some cases, lose their lives to diseases that strip away the mind, the body, the very essence of who they are. It sparked difficult conversations amongst my family. If we ever found ourselves in that position, at what point would we want it to end? For lack of a better term, when do you pull the plug?
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
4: Heroin or Heroine
Do you love true crime documentaries and true crime podcasts? Then I want to tell you about the podcast True Crime Obsessed, which combines them both. Each week on True Crime Obsessed, hosts Patrick and Jillian tell a fascinating true crime story by recapping a popular documentary based on the case. Their storytelling is detailed and suspenseful, but it's also entertaining and funny.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
4: Heroin or Heroine
So Jake wasn't the only one wondering why Ellen was with him. But the full picture started to unfold a bit more as the two continued to see each other.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
4: Heroin or Heroine
It's a force that we're all drawn to as if we're hardwired to crave it. And everyone deserves to be loved. But love does have a dark side. Choosing who we let close, who we let into the quietest, most fragile corners of our lives, it's a risk.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
4: Heroin or Heroine
Hearing this, my own heart dropped a bit. It reminded me of some of those past potential relationships that I thought were progressing, only to find out that, yeah, I was B-list. I was a situation ship, unknowingly cast on my own version of The Bachelor. But this Seattle guy didn't really deter Jake from continuing to pursue Elle or potentially joining her for a leg of the trip.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
4: Heroin or Heroine
And Ellen was extremely thoughtful. He felt very seen, very cared for. Jake recalls a time when Ellen decided to surprise him by cleaning his car while he was at work. And Jake left me with some sound advice when setting up this part of the story. Never clean a drug dealer's car if you don't want to be disappointed.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
4: Heroin or Heroine
But the idea of finding someone who seems perfect, who knows just what to say, who makes you feel seen and safe, understood, loved, well, that makes it all worth it, right? But sometimes, instead of safety, we find betrayal. Sometimes, the hand you hold can be the hand that pulls you under. Love is a gamble, and it could cost you everything. This is Blink. I'm your host, Corinne Vien.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
4: Heroin or Heroine
The Liberty Hotel, what is now a lavish luxury hotel, used to be the old Charles Street Jail, built in 1848. It was eventually closed in 1990 due to overcrowding, cruel and unusual punishment of the prisoners, and inhumane conditions, but not before housing some notable inmates like Malcolm X and Boston's Whitey Bolger. And now it's operating as a hotel, and it still plays into its history.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
4: Heroin or Heroine
So it has the original catwalks encircling the lobby and a bar called The Alibi with celebrity mugshots lining the walls. Oh, and it's haunted. My favorite kind of place. And it also has a really great nightlife scene. So, Jake's favorite kind of place.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
4: Heroin or Heroine
As a wedding gift, Jake's Uncle Michael gave them a week's stay at his rental property in Cape Cod. A beautiful Chatham Beach house with its own private beach.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
4: Heroin or Heroine
A listener review put it best by saying, These two strike the perfect balance between humor and thriller. Listening to them, I'm belly laughing while at the same time locking my doors and turning on all the lights. True Crime Obsessed has been at the top of the podcast charts for over nine years, with over 300 million downloads and more than 30,000 five-star reviews on Apple Podcasts.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
4: Heroin or Heroine
I didn't know what a hot dose was, and Jake said it's when it's laced with fentanyl.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
4: Heroin or Heroine
Jake also expressed his concerns about all the things that could happen to her when seeking out this drug. She could be robbed. She could be propositioned for sex. She could be seriously harmed. Heroin was very dangerous, yes, but obtaining heroin could also be very dangerous.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
4: Heroin or Heroine
Drugs are tricky. It's an ugly world, and for many, it involves moments of complete desperation and humiliation. When someone drags you into something like that, it doesn't just leave a mark. It breaks something inside of you. You can feel completely trapped, completely hopeless.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
4: Heroin or Heroine
And when the perfect situation presents itself, the things you'll do to escape that feeling, well, it can become unimaginable. In that place where morality blurs and fear controls every move, the line between protecting yourself and destroying someone else can vanish. And what then is left of the person you once were? There may not be redemption for the people in this story. No triumphant escape.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
4: Heroin or Heroine
Thank you for listening to Blink. This podcast is hosted and produced by me, Corinne Vien, alongside my co-creator and survivor, Jake Handel. Our original music is composed by the brilliant and talented Michael Marguet. We're so grateful for your support. If you enjoyed this episode, please consider rating, reviewing, and sharing this story with others.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
4: Heroin or Heroine
For additional resources, updates, and behind-the-scenes content, visit our website, BlinkThePodcast.com. Blink will return with a new episode next Sunday.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
4: Heroin or Heroine
A few weeks went by and Jake continued working in the kitchen, seeing Ellen every few weeks.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
4: Heroin or Heroine
They exchanged numbers and a few weeks later, Jake made another move and he texted Ellen.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
4: Heroin or Heroine
Another week went by, and this time, Ellen reached out, inviting Jake to a show with her in Boston.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
4: Heroin or Heroine
At this point, Jake was living in another extended stay hotel after leaving the apartment that he'd previously shared with his brother Max post their big blowout fight.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
4: Heroin or Heroine
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Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
4: Heroin or Heroine
They get to the show, and it's an EDM concert at a club in Cambridge, Massachusetts.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
4: Heroin or Heroine
There are over 400 episodes waiting for you to check out right now, covering everything from serial killers to notorious murders to the cases you haven't heard about but won't be able to forget. That's True Crime Obsessed wherever you're listening right now.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
4: Heroin or Heroine
Later that evening, Jake recalls that Ellen asked him to go outside for a smoke. She didn't smoke, but it was an opportunity for the two of them to be alone.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
4: Heroin or Heroine
Only problem, this was pre-Rideshare days, and the guy who drove them here was certainly not going to be cool with dropping the two of them off together.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
4: Heroin or Heroine
I asked Jake at this point if he'd been carrying drugs on him at this time. How was he going to do this deal? And did he regularly cart this stuff around?
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
4: Heroin or Heroine
Blink is intended for mature audiences as it discusses topics that can be upsetting, such as drug use, sexual assault, and emotional and physical violence. And in this particular episode, pregnancy and child loss is also mentioned. Content warnings for each episode are included in the show notes.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
4: Heroin or Heroine
They get a ride back to Jake's car, which was parked at the restaurant where they both worked. Ellen then returned from her car, and Jake remembers her asking if he would be interested in walking her back to her house.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
4: Heroin or Heroine
The two get back to her house, which was her parents' house, and Jake recalls that Ellen then invited him into her room. And despite getting all the signals to move forward, Jake took it really slow that night. He did not make any more moves.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
4: Heroin or Heroine
The next morning, Ellen woke in a panic. She was late for work, so she had to leave and take off. Jake, without his car and with a dead phone, assured her he would be okay, she could leave. And he walked around lost for about eight miles before finally getting to a place where he could charge his phone, and then he hit up another client, offering drugs in exchange for a ride.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
4: Heroin or Heroine
Resources for drug addiction and domestic abuse can be found in the show notes and on our website, blinkthepodcast.com. The testimonies and opinions expressed by guests of the show are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of myself or affiliates of this podcast. Love. It's the promise of warmth, comfort, and safety, isn't it?
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
4: Heroin or Heroine
Isn't this the plot to so many romance movies? Troubled man and lonely woman meet. Man changes for the better because of his love for the woman. And yeah, it's a little cliche, but obviously the movie characters, they need to encounter some obstacles along the way, right? And in Jake and Ellen's case, there was a decent obstacle right off the bat.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
4: Heroin or Heroine
Something that, when uncovered, would be the climax in this film.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
4: Heroin or Heroine
Ellen asked Jake why he was living at the hotel. He explained his brother's struggle with mental illness. And Jake had spent some time at his dad's house, too. And Ellen asked him whose house that was.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
4: Heroin or Heroine
I mean, hey, what's another lie, right? Interesting plot point. Building tension. When will we see the female character discover her love interest lies? Oh wait, this is not a movie. This is Jake's actual life. So why did he lie?
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
4: Heroin or Heroine
And Jake continued to work on his image, showing Ellen the good in him while trying to secretly work on fixing all of the things he knew were bad.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
Just because you haven't seen someone for a while, that you haven't felt threatened over the previous year or two, it doesn't guarantee safety, right?
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
We'll get into why in this episode, but if you have pictures, stories, or anything that can help fill in the gaps, please visit blinkthepodcast.com and share. Every piece helps rebuild what was lost. In this episode, we'll get into the divorce and Jake's other two requests. But before we dive in, there is a big question. One that I've had, and I know many of you have asked as well.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
I asked about some of the conditions of the divorce. What were Jake and Amy asking for? And what did Ellen want?
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
It's challenging to only have paperwork and screenshots and testimony from one side of the story. I would love for Ellen to share her perspective, but in her absence, I'm going to try my best to step into her shoes for this episode. Sometimes, when you're deep in a situation, living every day in a constant state of fight or flight, you don't realize how bad it's gotten.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
I know that feeling very well. When I struggled with postpartum depression, I didn't ask for help until I was nearing the finish line that I had quietly set for myself. And it makes me wonder if something similar happened to Ellen.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
The crushing weight of caring for a dying spouse, combined with the fear, justified or not, that others might negatively influence him or get in the way of any chance at recovery. Maybe at some point, it stopped being about Jake at all. Maybe it became about Ellen, realizing that she'd completely lost herself. I know that when I've faced those moments, I have one instinct. To purge.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
I gather evidence of my pain, I delete, I donate, and sometimes, I burn. Because to rise from the ashes, you have to light the fire first. And I can't help but wonder, was that what Ellen did? Did she wipe her hands clean and move forward? And if so, how frustrating it must have been when the past kept pulling her back.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
You know, how about the string cheese incident video? Jake's favorite band recorded a video for him while he was dying, singing him happy birthday. And this video brought him to tears. He really wanted the video. He wanted to show his friends at the hospital.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
All right, let me play devil's advocate just one more time. I know that there is one email provider and I won't name names, but it is a nightmare to navigate. You send an email and five minutes later, it's like it vanished into the abyss. So while in a legal battle, you'd probably be able to eventually track this down, the outlook on finding it quickly, not so great.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
I understand Attorney Amy Clifford's concern here. While pulling court documents, I found... yet another request for a restraining order, this time against Jake's stepsister, Katie. It lacked any real evidence and was ultimately denied. And in the end, Ellen had to let Katie into Derone's house to retrieve items.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
So while the restraining order requests against Derone and Max I can understand, the one against Katie does make me start to wonder. Was this just yet another way to control who could come in and out of the house?
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
I'm like, oh, he must have done something. This was in 2020. Jake hosted an Ask Me Anything on Reddit, and Reddit is public, so anyone can go on and look at the thread. Amy Clifford could and did. Ellen's attorney could have as well.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
And I was like, well, the facts are right here. Jake's online presence started as a way for him to show his recovery, to tell his story, and maybe even to inspire others. He read every single comment and response. Occasionally, there'd be a snarky comment made by a stranger, but, you know, such is life in the age of the internet. But Jake also noticed something else.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
Occasionally, a new profile would pop up. And to Jake, these looked like burner accounts. And all of these accounts seemed to make similar comments and to have a similar writing style.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
After reading many text threads and email exchanges, I know what Jake is referring to here. There's often the use of capitalization, mid-sentence, in places that you may not ordinarily see it. I pulled an example of this from an email sent by Ellen advocating for Jake back on February 18, 2018. Quote, End quote.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
The use of capitalization isn't exactly rare, but Jake wondered if these comments were a clear indication that he was being watched. Amy remembers another challenge. One Jake hadn't anticipated. A request that he never speak about what happened. That this entire chapter of his life remain a secret. It was an unusual demand, but in that moment, Jake realized something else.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
This was the fourth thing he needed. And on this, he would not budge. His story was his story. He had spent years without a voice. No one was going to silence him now.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
I asked Amy if this was something you could do. And at the time, she was a newly licensed attorney. And she told me that she went through great lengths to consult with family law attorneys, IP attorneys and people who were many, many years her senior and practicing law. In the end, this request was unforcible. Amy told Jake, just sign it.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
It wasn't something that would hold up in courts if he ever got to that point again. But Jake refused. He wanted it to be extremely clear. He was not going to just pretend that this didn't happen.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
Jake was after a few other specific things. His iCloud account, which had photos of his demise, his recovery, childhood pictures, photos with friends. And he also wanted his mom's belongings. And then some random odds and ends that would help him recover.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
I asked the same question back to Eli and later to Jake. Why not just give the Alexa back? Why do you want a three-year-old Alexa? And it all came down to accessibility. That Alexa knew his voice. That model was easy for him to navigate. They didn't want him to have to start from scratch with yet another thing.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
How was Jake paying for his care when Ellen was in charge of managing his care and the money, yet nobody was getting paid? Jake's other two requests were, Fortunately for Jake, these hospitals were not about to treat him the way that the hospice company did. And speaking of that company, Jake had a couple of cops show up at his door a few years ago asking questions about it.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
An Alexa speaker seemed like a small and simple enough thing to give him, but Ellen had originally paid for that Alexa, so it was technically hers. So Jake asked for his TV, some artwork, some personal belongings of his and his mom's, access to his photos and videos, his sperm, the right to tell his own story, and apparently the Alexa.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
But one item I found interesting in the paperwork was Ellen's request that Jake pay for her dental bill from January 22, 2018. And there was no other information provided as to why, but I'd love to know. And my mind floats to this fight with Jake's dad, Derone. and the physical fight with or potential attack by Jake's half-brother Max. Did it have something to do with what happened then?
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
After a long and costly battle, everything just stopped. The divorce papers were ready, and it was time to sign and move on. But with the divorce came a harsh truth. Love is not enough. And with that realization, something shifted. Knowing that Jake was no longer with Ellen, people who had stayed silent for years finally felt safe enough to speak.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
They came forward with what they had seen, what they had heard, the things they had tried to bury for Jake's sake. But now, there was no denying it. Jake's love story was over, and the version of events he had clung to, the one he had carefully pieced together in his mind, was unraveling fast. It was looking less like Hallmark and a lot more like Misery.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
For the first time, Jake learned exactly what had been happening when he wasn't in the room. Thank you for listening to Blink. This podcast is hosted and produced by me, Corinne Vien, alongside my co-creator and survivor, Jake Handel. Our original music is composed by the brilliant and talented Michael Marguet. We're so grateful for your support.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
Turns out it was under investigation and has since been shut down because, as it happens, abandoning a dying comatose patient on the floor isn't exactly best practice. An unlucky pairing for Jake, but he did survive.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
If you enjoyed this episode, please consider rating, reviewing, and sharing this story with others. For additional resources, updates, and behind-the-scenes content, visit our website, BlinkThePodcast.com. Blink will return with a new episode next Sunday.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
As he mentioned a few episodes ago, nurses and aides were using their own money to help buy him basic necessities. Snacks, shampoo, anything to help. But the real question is, how was Jake supposed to pay for any of this in the first place? Where did his money go? Fortunately for Jake, once he reconnected with his stepfather Eli, he had someone in his corner. And Eli was ready to fight.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
This need for Rep. Payee to change was how Jake and Eli were introed to attorney Amy Clifford, who would go on to represent Jake in the preceding divorce.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
So now Eli was able to retroactively pay the hospitals for their care of Jake.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
Something happened on the accounting side of things, and somehow the money owed to the hospital for the month of May was wiped from the hospital records.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
So Tewksbury definitely wasn't the most enjoyable place for him to live. But he focused his attention on a few things. One was his recovery. He was still being transferred to Spalding for outpatient therapy and sometimes to MGH as well for care. And now that he had been connected to Amy Clifford, he retained her to represent him in the divorce. A divorce that was going to become a bit complicated.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
The hunt for and retrieval of unethically obtained sperm is a shocking detail in Jake's story and something that, luckily, likely isn't seen in many divorce cases. And while obtaining his sperm was certainly a priority, there were two other items on Jake's list.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
Jake and I headed to Amy's law office in downtown Boston. He was accompanying me so that he could sign off on the documents, giving Amy permission to discuss his case with me and hand over any of the divorce paperwork and notes that she had. But when we arrived, we hit an obstacle. There was an elevator, but it was up a flight of stairs.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
And Jake's motorized scooter, the one he relies on to get around, it would not fit inside. A perfect example of why he founded Ahoy, an app to review the accessibility access of various businesses. As we stood there, totally stuck, another lawyer from a different office noticed our struggle and quickly hatched a plan.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
We grabbed an office chair, we lifted Jake up the stairs, we sat him down on that office chair, wheeled him into the elevator, and finally made it up a few flights to Amy's office, where he then signed off on the paperwork. So obviously it would have been really easy for Jake to call it quits in this moment, right? To say, forget it, this is way too much. But that's not how he operates.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
Jake is scrappy, determined, and willing to do whatever it takes to keep moving forward. I sat down with Amy to discuss her memory of the divorce.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
Blink is intended for mature audiences as it discusses topics that can be upsetting, such as drug use, sexual assault, and emotional and physical violence. Content warnings for each episode are included in the show notes. Resources for drug addiction and domestic abuse can be found in the show notes
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
After this was filed, I found an email from Ellen to attorney Amy Clifford providing her contact information and physical address. But there's something else worth noting. In the legal paperwork Ellen submitted, she requested that her address be impounded, claiming she feared for her safety, that Jake's family might pose a threat. The court denied that request.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
Now, many involved, Jake's family, the court, felt that there was no real basis for her claim. But I can't help but pause. I've watched enough true crime documentaries to know how many victims of abuse have pleaded for protection only to be turned away for lack of evidence. And that thought lingers with me.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
The testimonies and opinions expressed by guests of the show are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of myself or affiliates of this podcast. Before we begin, I have a call to action. Jake is missing pieces of his own life. Photos, belongings, memories that were kept from him.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
I've tried reaching out to Ellen, but I've come up empty-handed. It does seem like she was scared, and I do want to provide some examples of why she could be. Of course, these examples are not told from her perspective, so they could be skewed, but they do provide examples, no less. Ellen had previously taken out two restraining orders, one on Derone, Jake's dad, and Max, Jake's half-brother.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
Derone tells me about a time that Ellen and Max fought. Ellen had been living at Derone's house, which is where she and Jake had resided before his diagnosis, and where Jake received hospice care.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
Derone describes the fight a bit more based on what Max had told him. It resulted with Ellen knocked to the ground.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
Derone tells me about another time, and this was months later, after Derone had supposedly tried to strangle Ellen and the whole subsequent legal trial. Everyone had been shut out. And in an attempt to find Jake, Max decided to visit his dad's house.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
9: Signed, Sealed, Silenced
You'll hear Daron laughing as he tells this story, but don't mistake it for amusement. Without seeing him, it's really easy to miss what's happening. As he speaks, Daron is fidgeting, shifting uncomfortably. This isn't just a story. It's a deeply complicated and uneasy memory. So while the court ultimately denied Ellen's request to keep her address private, I can understand why she wanted it.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
11. One-Hundred Pound Baby
Jake had a positional eye gaze at this time and he was not able to control where he looked, but the camera is placed just so, so that Jake is looking directly into the camera. Not long after this memory, Jake was put on hospice, cared for at his father Derone's home with Derone and Ellen as his primary caretakers.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
11. One-Hundred Pound Baby
Jake's move to hospice would result in Derone and Ellen spending more and more time together. Derone and Ellen began to bicker and fight, and one of the issues that arose time and time again was about the house. Derone had initially told Jake and Ellen that they could pay rent, and those rent payments would work towards eventually buying the home from him.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
11. One-Hundred Pound Baby
A few payments had been made, and Derone remembers a lot of discussions around this and other items that Derone owned. And this sort of division between what Derone owned and what Ellen had the right to, it became this sort of contentious and regular argument.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
11. One-Hundred Pound Baby
Derone tells me about Jake's first storming episode while at home on hospice.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
11. One-Hundred Pound Baby
That did not go over well, and other people were brought in to help mediate.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
11. One-Hundred Pound Baby
Eventually, Derone would not be allowed to see Jake, and even if he tried to sneak in, it would have been nearly impossible to not get caught.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
11. One-Hundred Pound Baby
When Blink first launched, we held a launch party in Boston, inviting many of Jake's friends, family, professionals, nurses, and doctors who've helped him along the way. One of the nurses here shared with me how spooky and weird it was to be watched through these devices. And I will say, this story was told by many as an example of the need for control.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
11. One-Hundred Pound Baby
And when I first heard the story a few years ago, I thought it was totally crazy. But after a hospital stay with my infant where I had my husband bring in some extra monitoring devices for my own peace of mind, I don't think it's crazy. But perhaps all of you listening think I'm also crazy for that too.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
11. One-Hundred Pound Baby
So what happened in between? How did Jake go from being completely dependent on others to living on his own and fighting for his independence?
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
11. One-Hundred Pound Baby
Derone recalls that things escalated from differing opinions on how Jake should be cared for to Ellen becoming suspicious of him.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
11. One-Hundred Pound Baby
were interrupted by some squeaking, the noise coming from Derone's lap accompanied by some twitching paws and huffed breaths.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
11. One-Hundred Pound Baby
Brownie was also witness to these events, living alongside Derone, Ellen, and Ellen's own pets.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
11. One-Hundred Pound Baby
As we know, a restraining order was taken out on Derone while Jake was on hospice, and Derone had not been allowed back into his home. But this day, the day Browning was left outside of the house, Derone had just been there, saying his tearful goodbyes to Jake. It was the day Jake was read his last rites.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
11. One-Hundred Pound Baby
Another caretaker had a different update for Daronne.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
11. One-Hundred Pound Baby
So with Derone out of the house and with Ellen as the primary caretaker during hospice and occasional aides coming and going, Jake began to recognize some interesting behaviors.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
11. One-Hundred Pound Baby
It's unsettling to think about. Jake was largely alone in his father's house with Ellen, trying to make sense of the strange offhand comments, never sure if they were meant as jokes or something more. Meanwhile, his father Derone had been living out of a hotel with Brownie, unable to return home due to the restraining order.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
11. One-Hundred Pound Baby
Ellen had full control of the house for a time, and eventually she did move out and Derone was finally allowed back in. But by then, as we know, Jake had already vanished.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
11. One-Hundred Pound Baby
Blink is intended for mature audiences as it discusses topics that can be upsetting, such as drug use, sexual assault, and emotional and physical violence. Content warnings for each episode are included in the show notes. Resources for drug addiction and domestic abuse can be found in the show notes
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
11. One-Hundred Pound Baby
Thank you for listening to Blink. This podcast is hosted and produced by me, Corinne Vien, alongside my co-creator and survivor, Jake Handel. Our original music is composed by the brilliant and talented Michael Marguet. We're so grateful for your support. If you enjoyed this episode, please consider rating, reviewing, and sharing this story with others.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
11. One-Hundred Pound Baby
For additional resources, updates, and behind-the-scenes content, visit our website, BlinkThePodcast.com. Blink will return with a new episode next Sunday.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
11. One-Hundred Pound Baby
If we haven't already learned this about Jake so far, it's very clear that he's willing to do whatever it takes. But as Eli mentioned, this place was not ADA compliant. And in a very Jake fashion, with a lot of serendipity and worst luck, best luck moments, he found our apartment complex, which would become the place that he would eventually live independently.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
11. One-Hundred Pound Baby
The testimonies and opinions expressed by guests of the show are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of myself or affiliates of this podcast. Jake was finally starting to see things more clearly about his relationship, about the people in his life, and maybe even about himself. Some truths had slipped past him, or maybe he just wasn't ready to face them before.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
11. One-Hundred Pound Baby
clearly meant to be. And it's proved to be the perfect place for Jake to rebuild his life. Which, speaking of, one of the more complicated relationships Jake carried with him into this new chapter of his life was with his father, Derone. At one point, Jake genuinely believed Ellen's accusation that Derone tried to strangle her. But Jake later learned that this case was dismissed.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
11. One-Hundred Pound Baby
The damage this caused to Jake and Derone's relationship, it just couldn't be undone overnight. Rebuilding trust would take time. So how did they find their way back to each other?
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
11. One-Hundred Pound Baby
I asked how they reached this point, the point where Derone felt ready to open up about everything that he'd witnessed during Jake's decline. When did he finally feel safe enough to share his perspective?
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
11. One-Hundred Pound Baby
Derone began to unveil more to Jake, sharing things he had observed before Jake's diagnosis, things he'd kept to himself out of fear. Jake had been newly in love, talking about marriage and starting a family, and Derone didn't want to get in the way. But now, with time and reflection, those conversations have grown deeper, and they're still happening to this day.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
11. One-Hundred Pound Baby
Take the sample collection at the hospital, for example. Derone had no idea it happened more than once. he found out while listening to this podcast. He had believed that he was giving consent for one single collection, a chance to preserve the possibility of Jake becoming a father.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
11. One-Hundred Pound Baby
But to hear that Jake's body was put through that repeatedly and in different rooms and different wings, that was devastating. Derone was only trying to do what he thought Jake would have wanted. And one of those things was making sure that Jake's wife was by his side in what everyone believed were Jake's final moments. In fact, when Jake was first diagnosed, Derone spoke with Ellen.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
11. One-Hundred Pound Baby
He tried to give her perspective. What it's like to care for someone who's dying. It's something Derone, heartbreakingly, had already done twice.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
11. One-Hundred Pound Baby
Daron knew that there was a chance Ellen wouldn't stay. So much had already happened. She was young and in this marriage that was already facing many challenges. And now this? But Daron gave it his best shot.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
11. One-Hundred Pound Baby
And we all know how this ended up. The two of them working together to care for Jake and make decisions for Jake. Until it wasn't the two of them. It was just the one. Ellen.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
11. One-Hundred Pound Baby
No doubt everyone believes Ellen took incredible care of Jake and many attribute her dedication with his survival. And as a reminder, he's the only known survivor of stage four of acute toxic progressive leukoencephalopathy. So perhaps Jake's sheer mental strength and determination, coupled with his wife's belief that he was indeed still conscious and had a chance to recover, truly saved
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
11. One-Hundred Pound Baby
And maybe by Ellen convincing herself that Jake was doing better, she was convincing Jake too. But there was still this piece that many of the people interviewed, both those who agreed to have their voices on this podcast and those who are still waffling with the idea, many remember these chunks of time where Ellen would disappear.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
11. One-Hundred Pound Baby
When Jake was in hospice, it would be for hours, with Jerome having no idea where she was. which makes sense as their interactions were becoming more and more tense by the day. And when Jake was in the hospital, sometimes it would be for a week or more, according to people's memories.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
11. One-Hundred Pound Baby
But as Jake started to reflect on the things that he'd observed, and as Derone and others shared memories with him, things started to take shape. One of these early instances happened in the hospital, Massachusetts General Hospital. It was New Year's Eve, just before Jake was put on hospice.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
11. One-Hundred Pound Baby
The picture appears to have been taken via Snapchat. Ellen sits over Jake, a kazoo in her mouth and black and gold feather boa around her neck. Jake lays in the bed, the feeding tube in his throat, and a Snapchat filter of a New Year's hat with fireworks and sparkles dances around his head.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
7: The Resurrection of Jake
Family Constellations ist eine unique Form of Therapy, designed to reveal hidden family dynamics and generational patterns.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
7: The Resurrection of Jake
In a group setting, like the one Eli was in when Jake called, participants step into the roles of family members, basically role-playing and acting out scenes that offer fresh perspectives on relationships and past traumas, so that the individual can see it and interact with it. And this process helps uncover unconscious patterns, inherited wounds, and emotional blocks.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
7: The Resurrection of Jake
Und vielleicht sogar als erste Schritte in Richtung von heiligen, strengen Beziehungen.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
7: The Resurrection of Jake
Ein Jahr nach dem Tag, an dem Eli Jake auf dem Hospiz gesehen hat.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
7: The Resurrection of Jake
Jake's family, for the most part, had all been blocked by Ellen. They all relied on friends or sometimes friends of friends who were connected with Ellen on Facebook to give them updates.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
7: The Resurrection of Jake
Jake Zanfarda was checking on Ellen's personal Facebook page, which I believe has since been deactivated, and she gained access to this via a friend's page. She would go visit her friend in Framingham, Massachusetts, and then scroll through Ellen's recent posts.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
7: The Resurrection of Jake
Die Posten wurden von Ellens Facebook-Page über Jake und seine medizinische Reise gemacht, sowie von Jakes persönlicher Facebook-Page, als ob er selbst die Updates postete.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
7: The Resurrection of Jake
Jake was confused by this rationale, and he reminds me.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
7: The Resurrection of Jake
Jake hatte nichts. Aber jetzt hat er zumindest ein paar von seiner Familie zurück. Als Eli ihn zum ersten Mal besucht hat, hat Jake gefragt, ob er bald wieder zurückkommen könnte. Und er hat gesagt, ja.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
7: The Resurrection of Jake
Since being able to blink to communicate, Jake was having healthcare professionals write things for him. Diaries of what was happening in his life, memories from his medical journey so far. And it was a bit disorganized and scattered. And Jake was hoping that Eli could help him transfer these notes to his iPad.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
7: The Resurrection of Jake
And he was also hoping to have some dedicated writing time where he could dictate to Eli what he wanted to say and Eli could physically write it for him.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
7: The Resurrection of Jake
Jake wasn't ready to speak to his dad yet. He was still confused about what he heard and experienced. And he just needed more time. Eli suggested writing a letter to Derone. He would help Jake type it out. He could say whatever he wanted to say. This, Jake agreed to.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
7: The Resurrection of Jake
When Jake wasn't journaling about his experience or attending countless and constant therapy sessions, he was attempting to connect with the outside world again. With his iPad, he made a new Facebook account.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
7: The Resurrection of Jake
And then Jake receives a message from an old friend via Facebook Messenger. And it catches his eye.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
7: The Resurrection of Jake
They were shocked he was alive. It was as if he had risen from the dead. Someone they had already mourned. Even now, he still reconnects with old acquaintances who vividly remember the day they saw the Facebook post announcing his death.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
7: The Resurrection of Jake
He shows me a message he received just a few years ago that reads, Hi Jake, my brother told me he ran into you the other day and I asked him to say hi for me, but I figured I would reach out and say it myself. I have to admit that I started writing you a message after I saw a friend request from you, because previously I thought you had passed.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
7: The Resurrection of Jake
Your, I'm assuming, ex-wife had posted that you were no longer with us, and I was upset and thought someone was using your picture and name for a profile.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
7: The Resurrection of Jake
Cheeks rose-colored glasses had shattered. In time, the truth would unfold. But right now, he couldn't afford to get lost in it. His focus had to be on recovery. And getting out of his marriage.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
7: The Resurrection of Jake
Dr. Levinson, der erste, der Bewegung in Jake's Brust bemerkte, arbeitete immer noch mit Jake. Aber Jake war im Western State Hospital, zwei Stunden entfernt vom Massachusetts General Hospital, wo Dr. Levinson arbeitete.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
7: The Resurrection of Jake
And this is how everyone stayed in the loop for a while. But it just wasn't working. So Dr. Levinson asked to schedule a call with Jake.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
7: The Resurrection of Jake
Das ist, wo er bleiben wird, bis er an den Tewksbury-State-Hospital anmeldet, wo er lebt, während er aus Spalding-Rehabilitation-Hospital-Auswahl-Kämpfe bekommt.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
7: The Resurrection of Jake
As healthcare proxy, Ellen had been receiving and handling all of the money. Now Jake owed a lot of money, and the checks coming in through insurance were not accessible to him. And those checks never made it into the hospital.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
7: The Resurrection of Jake
And Dr. Levinson connects Jake with a social worker who helps him get in contact with Justice Bridge. About three months after the request was put in, Jake is connected with an attorney, Amy Clifford.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
7: The Resurrection of Jake
Amy was brought in to help Jake change his Social Security payee, a challenge since he had no ID, no belongings and limited speech. Ensuring he could consent and prove that he was of sound mind added yet another layer of complication. And at this point in time, Jake was receiving care from Tewksbury State Hospital, just another hospital to add to his list of residencies.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
7: The Resurrection of Jake
Amy questioned both Jake and Eli to confirm competence and then got all of the documents signed and notarized.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
7: The Resurrection of Jake
Jake's request in the divorce seemed simple. He just wanted three things. But that third thing turned what should have been a straightforward case into something far more unusual. The first request.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
7: The Resurrection of Jake
The second item on his list. He wanted some photographs. And finally, the third request.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
7: The Resurrection of Jake
Blink will return with a new episode April 13th.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
7: The Resurrection of Jake
Blink is intended for mature audiences as it discusses topics that can be upsetting, such as drug use, sexual assault and emotional and physical violence. Content warnings for each episode are included in the show notes. Resources for drug addiction and domestic abuse can be found in the show notes and on our website blinkthepodcast.com.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
7: The Resurrection of Jake
It's now 2019, two years after Jake was diagnosed with acute toxic progressive leukoencephalopathy. Jake was determined to regain his mobility, his speech, his life. And luckily, the team at Western Massachusetts Hospital was just as determined to make it happen.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
7: The Resurrection of Jake
Jake still hopes to rekindle things with his wife, but deep down, he knows he can't count on her. If he's going to move forward, he'll have to rely on himself.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
7: The Resurrection of Jake
And soon his thoughts turned to his family.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
7: The Resurrection of Jake
The testimonies and opinions expressed by guests of the show are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of myself or affiliates of this podcast. Vielen Dank für Ihre Aufmerksamkeit und danke für das Zuhören von Blink. Every time I sit down with Jake, his stories come to life in vivid detail. He doesn't just recount what happened, he paints the full picture.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
7: The Resurrection of Jake
Perhaps he'd seen her number often enough? He said no. He didn't speak to Varda on the phone much. Her number was programmed in. He never looked at it.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
7: The Resurrection of Jake
The agony of his injuries, the feel of the room around him, the voices that broke through the sterile hum of hospital machines. He tells me that this obsession with detail comes from years of being unheard, and then, when he could speak again, years of being misunderstood.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
7: The Resurrection of Jake
Jake asked his family to send him their numbers and the numbers of other family members.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
3: Wayward Son
Blink is intended for mature audiences as it discusses topics that can be upsetting, such as drug use, sexual assault, and emotional and physical violence. Content warnings for each episode are included in the show notes. Resources for drug addiction and domestic abuse can be found in the show notes and on our website, blinkthepodcast.com.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
3: Wayward Son
He's even dedicated much of his time to start a business called Ahoy, an app which allows users to discover how accessible businesses and other locations will be for them, allowing individuals with particular accessibility needs to access their cities with the confidence of knowing whether a place will actually work for them.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
3: Wayward Son
So I asked Jake how he started selling, because how do you go from selling soda that your dad helps you buy to being a rather big dealer in the Boston area?
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
3: Wayward Son
But obviously, I met Jake as he was recovering from surviving this deadly disease. And I'm still left with the question of how this seemingly cheerful and altruistic guy ended up in this heroin-induced coma with relatives attempting to kill one another around him. And so I'm asking myself, who the hell is Jake Handel? This is Blink. I'm your host, Corinne Vien.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
3: Wayward Son
And so he started buying weed, not just to smoke himself, but to sell to the other kids.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
3: Wayward Son
So maybe that weed that was in Jake's locker was his after all.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
3: Wayward Son
Sophomore year, Jake hired a driver to drive him around to help him sell the weed. And now that he was mobile and he could sell outside of school, his connections into the drug world only grew. And soon he earned his own nickname, picked for him by a gunslinging, brass knuckle wearing drug dealer named Skippy.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
3: Wayward Son
Jake's parents thought that their child was just smoking weed. But meanwhile, he was riding around in cars with older kids and adults who were carrying guns and huge quantities of drugs with them and getting into some kind of sticky situations.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
3: Wayward Son
Jake told me about one really scary ride he took with one of his suppliers that kind of felt like a scene from The Sopranos, one where he wasn't really sure he would come out with all of his fingers or even their lives. And Jake also name dropped a lot of people. And when I suggested like, hey, perhaps we shouldn't do that. He said, don't worry, they're all dead or in jail now.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
3: Wayward Son
Here's one of those high school friends, Adrian, who you may remember from episode one. When Jake was released from the police station, he headed directly to her house to get more heroin.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
3: Wayward Son
She's referring to Jake's ex-girlfriend from high school, Emma. They'd met at summer camp and Emma lived in New York City and they dated throughout high school and a little bit in college. And they seemed to make the long distance work. They visited each other whenever they could. And as Eli puts it...
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
3: Wayward Son
Back to Adrian. The two met in high school as friends, but as things go in high school, you have different friend groups and certain friendships tend to fade a bit over time. And that's kind of what happened to Adrian and Jake. They started to drift. But they did reconnect after graduating. And in the beginning of their friendships striking up again, Jake was still dating his girlfriend, Emma.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
3: Wayward Son
I'm giving you all a wink if you can hear it over this audio recording. Jake's a relationship guy, and Adrian is a really sweet, steady, beautiful person. And she was there with him through the final months of his mom's suffering.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
3: Wayward Son
Jake was finding his own way to cope with what was happening. And although we know what happened to his mom, because it's been alluded to many times throughout this episode, at this point in the story, she hasn't yet passed, but she has been put on hospice.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
3: Wayward Son
And she was a bridesmaid. This is Jake's aunt and uncle, Adam and Varda.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
3: Wayward Son
If you're looking for a podcast that combines morbid and tragic events with a love for the outdoors, check out National Park After Dark. People from all over the world are visiting national parks in record numbers, and for good reason. These places are brimming with beauty and inspire reconnection with our wild world.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
3: Wayward Son
The testimonies and opinions expressed by guests of the show are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of myself or affiliates of this podcast. Jake Handel has never told his full life story before. Many people meet Jake and they hear of his diagnosis and his recovery. He's really the poster child for perseverance, medical miracles. He has an unbreakable spirit.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
3: Wayward Son
But with more and more people entering our parks, more and more of them never leave. Join hosts Cassie and Danielle every Monday as they enter a new park to explore its beauty and its darkness. Our national parks hold tales of murder, animal attacks, fatal accidents, miraculous survivals, and other incredible stories that you need to hear to believe.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
3: Wayward Son
Check out National Park After Dark to hear stories like the infamous night two people were mauled by grizzlies in Glacier, or when U.S. Air Force Lieutenant David Steeves crash-landed in Kings Canyon National Park, surviving injured and alone for over a month before crawling his way out, but no one believed his story.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
3: Wayward Son
Come contemplate stories like the disappearance of Trenny Gibson, who vanished while on a school trip in Great Smoky Mountains National Park, and so much more. National Park After Dark was created for morbid outdoor enthusiasts in hopes that, by sharing stories from these wild places, you'll be inspired to take your own adventure.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
3: Wayward Son
Tune in wherever you listen to podcasts, and remember to enjoy the view, but watch your back.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
3: Wayward Son
This I completely agree with. Jake is fun. He's the life of the party. He has a knack for being able to talk to really anyone. And he always has some funny story up his sleeve.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
3: Wayward Son
Everything felt like it was just crashing down on him. But there was one bright spot in Jake's life.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
3: Wayward Son
She's speaking directly to Jake here, who's sitting with us in one of the common spaces in our apartment complex. I actually recorded almost every interview from one of these rooms.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
3: Wayward Son
And Jake and I would snicker at how salacious some of the recordings were and just how many curious neighbors would kind of post up with their coffee or their laptop right outside of the door, listening in as we recorded.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
3: Wayward Son
The fork in his nut story almost made me faint. But back to it. Jake was a funny kid.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
3: Wayward Son
While their love grew, so did their dependence on drugs.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
3: Wayward Son
Jake's love for Adrian had shifted. It was platonic now. But his love for drugs? Well, that was still a twisted and relentless pull. It consumed him, filling nearly every corner of his life. Almost. Because Jake was a relationship guy, and for the first time in a while, he had space in his heart. Space for something new. A romantic love. And soon, he would meet the woman that he would marry.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
3: Wayward Son
Someone who would stand by him in sickness and in health. or in Jake's case, through addiction and a slow, creeping decline. Her name was Ellen, and she was about to step into his life, changing it forever.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
3: Wayward Son
Thank you for listening to Blink. This podcast is hosted and produced by me, Corinne Vien, alongside my co-creator and survivor, Jake Handel. Our original music is composed by the brilliant and talented Michael Margay. We're so grateful for your support. If you enjoyed this episode, please consider rating, reviewing, and sharing this story with others.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
3: Wayward Son
For additional resources, updates, and behind-the-scenes content, visit our website, BlinkThePodcast.com. Blink will return with a new episode next Sunday.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
3: Wayward Son
Jake got the two homes, the two birthday parties and a lot of siblings to celebrate with. His mom's new husband, Eli, became a very big part of his life.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
3: Wayward Son
Jake's life is pretty different now that he's on the other side of this disease. He's relearning to speak, feed himself, walk, and many of the people that were in his life before aren't anymore. But his life is certainly not lonely. Before knowing Jake, I noted how friendly and popular he was in our apartment complex.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
3: Wayward Son
I vividly remember watching Jake stroll past me on his way to celebrate his birthday with a very large group of friends, all of them dressed in matching tracksuits. So an unbreakable spirit and an unbreakable sense of humor. Fast forward a few months and Jake and I are recording for this podcast.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
3: Wayward Son
One thing I'll say about Eli, he will tell a story about someone's wild behavior, but still find a way to compliment them and remind you of at least one of their good qualities.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
3: Wayward Son
And I imagine that for Jake and for his half-brother Max, this was a really good thing to have in a parental figure, especially as two kids who had their own set of unique challenges and really likely had many people questioning their actions and their worth as they grew up. It was also quite interesting hearing Eli's memory of Marjorie's brother's behavior as an adult who was witness to this.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
3: Wayward Son
Because later when I asked Jake about this time, Jake really just remembers that his uncle had promised to build them a treehouse and then abandoned the project and took off. So the ultimate betrayal for a child. But all of this points back to what Jake craved most. Interaction with family. A solid, consistent home.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
3: Wayward Son
And while the dynamics within his family may have shifted a bit over the years, he found closeness with his aunts and uncles. Specifically, Jake was very close with his mom's sister, his aunt Nancy. But then she too became sick. A very sudden cancer diagnosis.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
3: Wayward Son
The death of his aunt while dealing with his mother's cancer, it was just all really hard on Jake. It felt like everyone close to him was leaving him or at risk of leaving. His aunt passed just after his bar mitzvah, another relative died on his birthday, and his mom was battling breast cancer. And now he was seeing less and less of his step-siblings.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
3: Wayward Son
Our meetings and the podcast recordings were often interrupted by neighbors wandering by waving to Jake. And actually one time as we were wrapping up, Jake was interrupted and asked on a date. So life has dealt Jake many horrible, horrible hands, but his exuberance and his dedication to being happy is what draws people to him. For many, his friendship is their drug.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
3: Wayward Son
His dynamic with his half-brother Max grew to be even more difficult.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
3: Wayward Son
When I spoke to Eli, he also recounted a time that he had set Max and Jake up to live together in an apartment when they were both young adults. And when Jake was unable to come up with his half of the rent, Max was so angry that he beat up Jake. So previously hearing of this fistfight between Max and Jake's would-be wife Ellen was unsurprising, but also made me a little bit scared for Ellen.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
3: Wayward Son
But at this point in the story, Jake hasn't met Ellen yet. We will get there in a few minutes.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
3: Wayward Son
The entrepreneurial spirit has really always been a part of Jake. Jake didn't start out dealing drugs. It all began in high school with a couple cans of soda. He saw a need for something, he worked to fill it. I guess we could say that Jake has always been the connect.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
8: Dude, Where’s my Sperm?
Blink is intended for mature audiences as it discusses topics that can be upsetting, such as drug use, sexual assault, and emotional and physical violence. And in this particular episode, there's discussion around rape, consent, and pregnancy loss. Content warnings for each episode are included in the show notes.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
8: Dude, Where’s my Sperm?
More men are stepping forward, and pop culture is beginning to reflect this reality. Take Baby Reindeer, a recent example that sheds light on male victimhood in ways rarely explored. As our conversations around consent evolve, so too must our understanding of who needs protection, who needs to be believed, and how we can reshape the narratives that we've long accepted as truths.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
8: Dude, Where’s my Sperm?
I need that shit. The truest thing about Jake is that he can go through some of the worst things humanly possible and still crack a joke about it. Okay, so we're all asking the same question, right? How was this able to continue to happen? It's one thing for this to happen on one singular occasion in the hospital with shocked hospital staff bumbling around trying to figure out what to do.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
8: Dude, Where’s my Sperm?
I just don't understand how the decision-making takes so long that something like this could potentially continue for multiple days, potentially weeks. And whether they deem it ethical or not, wouldn't you ensure his safety before a decision is made?
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
8: Dude, Where’s my Sperm?
Jake was diagnosed with acute toxic progressive leukoencephalopathy in May of 2017 at Massachusetts General Hospital, MGH. He was later transferred to Fairlawn Rehabilitation Hospital, then to a nursing home, Parsons Hill, where he took a fall and then was sent to UMass Memorial briefly and then back to MGH, which is where all of this began.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
8: Dude, Where’s my Sperm?
I had high hopes of securing an interview regarding MGH's specific response to the situation. What were the protocols? Did Jake's case change anything? Had they encountered a situation like this before? And if it happens again, are they prepared? And I don't have an update on this for you yet, but there's still time and my hopes are still high.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
8: Dude, Where’s my Sperm?
There's also another interview that I was not able to secure either. The cryobank which stored Jake's sperm. Because I certainly was not aware that you could just show up with a cup of sperm and have them freeze it for you. So I was hoping to hear, how did this happen? It's a question we unfortunately still don't have the answer to, but I do want to add some more context to this whole situation.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
8: Dude, Where’s my Sperm?
Jake recalls Ellen being incredibly convincing, which bought her time to collect as many samples as she needed. But there was someone else backing her up as well. Jake's dad, Derone.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
8: Dude, Where’s my Sperm?
I asked Daron if he was aware of all of the dangers involved in collecting a sample, that the medical professionals were very concerned about it triggering a storm or proving to be fatal. Did he realize how dangerous it was?
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
8: Dude, Where’s my Sperm?
I asked how all of this could have happened. Did they call the sperm bank ahead of time to get instructions on how to collect a viable sample?
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
8: Dude, Where’s my Sperm?
He spent time shuffling back and forth from MGH to Spalding Rehabilitation Hospital, which was quite necessary to receive the adequate care needed for his extreme condition. And frankly, his should have been deadly complications. And then he moved into hospice where he did not die. He was brought back to MGH.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
8: Dude, Where’s my Sperm?
I asked if he had to sign any paperwork because he was the one providing payment.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
8: Dude, Where’s my Sperm?
I then asked Jerome if he was aware of the difficulty Jake later had to go through during the divorce to locate the exact cryobank where his sperm sample was kept and to request that it be destroyed.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
8: Dude, Where’s my Sperm?
It feels as though a perfect storm of missteps and loopholes and overlooked protocols all had to align for this to happen. Darrow not only knew about the collection, but actively supported Ellen's request, assuring hospital staff that Jake would have consented and even covering the cost to store the sample. But that's where Daron's involvement ended.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
8: Dude, Where’s my Sperm?
What happened next remained a mystery, and one that complicated Jake's divorce proceedings.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
8: Dude, Where’s my Sperm?
Jake wanted his sperm back. Understanding how it had been taken without his explicit consent and what happened to it after it left that hospital room became yet another battle for him and his attorney, Amy Clifford. Desperate for answers, Jake contacted the cryobank.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
8: Dude, Where’s my Sperm?
And so began a legal back and forth to get the sample destroyed. I sort of think we might have had it in the MSA. The marital settlement agreement, which is a legally binding contract outlining the terms of the divorce, including things like property division, Jake's property being his sperm.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
8: Dude, Where’s my Sperm?
Hearing about the way the sperm was taken, the great lengths Jake and attorney Amy Clifford took to have it destroyed, and that there was even an attempt to charge Jake for storage, I think it's only natural to hope for some kind of justice. A moment where the wrongs are righted, where Jake finally gets the closure he deserves. But that never happened.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
8: Dude, Where’s my Sperm?
And this is where Dr. Levinson noticed movement in Jake's wrist, discovering that Jake was locked in. And this is also the place where Jake was first able to communicate by eye blink. He was then transferred to Spalding Rehabilitation Hospital, this time for his first inpatient stay. And then Ellen bought a house and moved him to Western Massachusetts Hospital.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
8: Dude, Where’s my Sperm?
Instead, we find ourselves right back where we started. Jake's continued recovery isn't just about rebuilding his physical body. It's also about facing the truth, coming to terms with what happened, allowing himself to see things clearly, even when the reality is far darker than the version he once clung to. And that kind of reckoning takes a different kind of strength.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
8: Dude, Where’s my Sperm?
Thank you for listening to Blink. This podcast is hosted and produced by me, Corinne Vien, alongside my co-creator and survivor, Jake Handel. Our original music is composed by the brilliant and talented Michael Marguet. We're so grateful for your support. If you enjoyed this episode, please consider rating, reviewing, and sharing this story with others.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
8: Dude, Where’s my Sperm?
For additional resources, updates, and behind-the-scenes content, visit our website, BlinkThePodcast.com. Blink will return with a new episode next Sunday.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
8: Dude, Where’s my Sperm?
But then his main doctor back at MGH had him transferred back to MGH temporarily until settling at Tewksbury State Hospital, where he lived while receiving outpatient care at Spalding. Okay, long story short, Jake was constantly shuffled between hospitals. And this certainly made it much more difficult for family to try to track him down.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
8: Dude, Where’s my Sperm?
Resources for drug addiction and domestic abuse can be found in the show notes and on our website, blinkthepodcast.com. The testimonies and opinions expressed by guests of the show are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of myself or affiliates of this podcast. we've all been left on a massive cliffhanger. Jake had three requests in his divorce.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
8: Dude, Where’s my Sperm?
And I want to say once more, this episode contains sensitive content, including discussions of consent, marital rape, and Jake's growing acceptance of the reality of what he endured. We're starting with Jake's second stay at MGH. This was after Parsons Hill and before he moved to hospice.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
8: Dude, Where’s my Sperm?
Jake is already in this pseudo-coma, locked in, and doctors are questioning whether he has any meaningful consciousness. It's the winter of 2017.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
8: Dude, Where’s my Sperm?
Jake was preparing to die, hearing a doctor tell his wife it was time. Something that he'd hear over and over again over the coming months.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
8: Dude, Where’s my Sperm?
Jake's body was highly sensitive and doing something like this could trigger another autonomic storm. Or worse.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
8: Dude, Where’s my Sperm?
I was aghast when Jake first told me this. I found it difficult to believe that she'd attempt that so brazenly out in the open. And that doubt is something I'm sure many survivors come face to face with often.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
8: Dude, Where’s my Sperm?
As we can all imagine, this interview is quite difficult for Jake. I can see his mind working through the weight of his own words as he says them out loud, trying to make sense of what happened to him. It's part of his story he shared with very few people. Even some of his closest friends don't know. But forgetting it is impossible.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
8: Dude, Where’s my Sperm?
Jake often speaks at medical conferences, sharing his experience. And recently, after one of these events, several nurses approached him. They said it wasn't just in one room. It wasn't just one moment. It was happening across multiple floors, in different rooms. The repeated sample collection, the whispered conversations. It had sent waves of concern through the staff.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
8: Dude, Where’s my Sperm?
We've reached out to many of these nurses and doctors who were witness to it, and initially a few agreed to talk as long as they remained anonymous and their voices altered. But then, one by one, they backed out. No one is willing to go on record. The fear of losing their jobs keeps them silent. And to be clear, Jake holds no resentment towards the hospital or its staff.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
8: Dude, Where’s my Sperm?
This was uncharted territory for them, too. Everyone was scrambling, trying to understand what was ethical, what was right, what was the protocol. And when there is no protocol, what happens to the person who tries to stop it?
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
8: Dude, Where’s my Sperm?
Jake had conflicting feelings about what had happened to him. This was his wife. She loved him. She cared for him better than anyone could. They'd endured two pregnancy losses together, and they had hoped to create a family together still. Sex was a part of marriage, right? He couldn't consent, but did that matter if they were married?
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
8: Dude, Where’s my Sperm?
Consent is no longer a quiet conversation. Movements like Me Too, Time's Up, and Take Back the Night have forced society to re-examine what consent truly means and how to create safer spaces for everyone. But while we've made progress, the reality is unsettling. Marital rape wasn't outlawed in all 50 U.S. states until 1993.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
8: Dude, Where’s my Sperm?
Before then, the law operated under the assumption that a husband could not rape his wife, a chilling reminder of just how deeply flawed our understanding of consent has been. And historically, discussions around rape have centered on male perpetrators and female victims reinforcing a limited and often harmful narrative. But the reality is broader.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
8: Dude, Where’s my Sperm?
According to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center, one in five women in the U.S. experience attempted or completed rape in their lifetime, over half by an intimate partner. Yet what many don't realize is that one in four men also experience some form of contact sexual violence.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
8: Dude, Where’s my Sperm?
Men make up an estimated 10 to 15 percent of adult sexual assault victims, though experts believe the number is much higher due to chronic underreporting. And these are just the statistics for those who identify as male or female. Numbers are grossly higher for those who don't identify as cisgender. The stigma surrounding male rape is finally beginning to crack.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
6: Blink Twice
We cover it all. Possessed kids climbing walls, fey orgies in the woods, creatures chasing cars down lonely back roads. Oh, and let's not forget the haunted homes of our listeners, because if there's one thing we've learned, our listeners are haunted AF. And if you don't believe us, hundreds of our listeners have experienced paranormal activity just by listening to our podcast.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
6: Blink Twice
But don't worry, our ghosts are nice. Probably. Unless you don't tune in, and then who knows what might haunt you next. New episodes drop every week. Find Two Girls, One Ghost wherever you get your podcasts, Apple, Spotify, all the spooky dimensions, and on YouTube. See you there. If you dare.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
Blink is intended for mature audiences as it discusses topics that can be upsetting, such as drug use, sexual assault, and emotional and physical violence. Content warnings for each episode are included in the show notes. Resources for drug addiction and domestic abuse can be found in the show notes and on our website, BlankThePodcast.com.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
It was now October of 2017. Jake's birthday was at the end of the month on the 31st, Halloween, and his wife had planned a special outing for him. Her friends, family, and two nurses gathered at her mom's house, and together they carried Jake down the lawn and into a boat. This was going to be Jake's last day outside before he had to be confined to a hospital room until his death.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
Jake couldn't say much at this time, but he didn't really feel like that mattered because everyone around him spoke so cheerfully and it was so clear that they were doing everything that they could to create a wonderful memory for him that day.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
But Jake also remembers how much pain he was in, how hot the sun felt on his skin, how struck he was by the kindness of this gesture, and how sad it felt at the same time.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
Like, I'm, like, talking like this. It's very hard for me to The day after Jake's 29th birthday, he was admitted to the hospital once again, this time to get a tracheostomy to help him breathe.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
There had been some debate and some reservations within Jake's family as to whether they should go forward with this surgery, the tracheostomy, but with the threat of Jake potentially not being able to breathe, his wife, who was his healthcare proxy, opted to have it put in. Only three weeks had passed since Jake first met Dr. Venna.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
And at this point, Jake was no longer able to communicate verbally at all. Things were moving fast. Do you remember the moment that you could no longer speak?
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
A few weeks was all it took for Jake to go from walking and talking to relying on others to carry him and make all the medical decisions. Jake and those around him struggled to figure out what to do for him in the short window of time they had before Jake would inevitably become paralyzed, slip into a coma, and die. Losing Jake. Now, that was a fear that was shared by everyone around him.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
So your last words spoken were, I love you. Yeah. Now, in November of 2017, just six months after his diagnosis, Jake became completely paralyzed. Slipping into a coma would be right around the corner, should this disease progress like it had in every other known medical case. And once that happened, he died. Unless, of course, Dr. Venna was right.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
And not to spoil the story, but you are hearing Jake tell his own story. But this story isn't just about the miraculous recovery from a disease that was thought to be incurable. There's a lot more to it. And the cause of Jake's disease may not be what the doctors thought it was. Did Jake do this to himself? Or did someone else? Now paralyzed, Jake had a positional eye gaze.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
His eyes moved involuntarily. Most of the time, he was looking up at the ceiling, and Jake had been moved from his home and transferred to Spalding Rehabilitation Hospital, which was the hospital that Jake's wife had first set her eyes on shortly after they learned of his diagnosis. The clock in Jake's hospital room was out of his sightline, so he rarely knew what time it was.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
When nurses came in to turn him, he would take the opportunity to look around and see other areas of the room, try to get a better sense of his surroundings. And throughout this time period, Jake was transferred back and forth to various hospitals, to various care facilities, and he was rarely told where he was going.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
Sometimes a hospital monitor or a branded calendar would enter his sightline and he would be able to read where he was, which hospital, which department. The reason Jake was transferred so frequently was because he began to experience what is called autonomic storms.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
Or so he thought. This is Blank. I'm your host, Corinne Vienne.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
I'm picturing when they save the whales and they like transport whales back into.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
Locked-in syndrome is a rare neurological disorder characterized by paralysis of voluntary muscles. People with locked-in syndrome remain fully conscious, alert, and have their usual cognitive abilities, but they're trapped in this pseudocoma.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
In many cases, people with locked-in syndrome are still able to control their vertical eye movement, so their eyes moving up and down, and they can communicate using assistive technologies.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
There is a form of locked-in syndrome where the body experiences complete paralysis, including the loss of eye movement, but healthcare providers can tell that a person still has cognitive function by examining cortical function with an EEG, basically measuring a person's brainwaves to see if they're still thinking and reasoning and still aware of what's going on.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
But Jake's EEG did not suggest that he had any sort of functioning cognition whatsoever, and nobody knew that he was still aware. Death was on the horizon, and it was looking like he'd die alone, isolated, stuck in his own mind, in a barely functioning body, just existing in the background of others' lives.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
In January 2018, Jake was transferred once more back home, this time to receive hospice care. At home, Ellen managed his care, she managed their home, who had access to Jake. And so the visitor list may have started getting smaller and smaller after his Uncle Michael's visit to the hospital with that bottle of vodka, but now the list was extremely small.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
Jake recalls a few painful memories while he was in hospice, being cared for at home by his wife and his dad, and occasionally a few other relatives who came and tried to help.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
As someone who is freshly out of postpartum depression and anxiety, I also have to say I found this part extremely relatable because that was totally me with my baby. Who held him? How they held him? What if he overheated when they held him? What if they breathed too closely to him? What if I missed a hunger cue? What if he suddenly stopped breathing in their arms? Just a million worries.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
And I mean, it was absolutely crushing. It still feels crushing thinking about it. And... The only way that I could get through those beginning weeks and beginning months was to be extremely controlling about everything. Because honestly, I felt like I'd lost all control. I was desperately searching for some predictability and security. So I get it.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
But really, when I look back on it, it was more about helping me, not really the child that I was caring for. So perhaps Jake would have benefited from having some other helping hands around, even if they did things slightly differently.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
While many family members pulled back to avoid any further conflict, Jake's half-brother Max did not shy away from trying to help, and it did contribute to further conflict. Jake remembers hearing his wife and Max get into more than one screaming match, all while Jake is just helplessly paralyzed listening to the arguments from inside of the same home.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
Jake actually remembers hearing a fistfight between the two of them, a fight that resulted in Max's arrest.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
While his wife and father were the primary caretakers, Jake's dad, Doran, still worked part-time as a delivery driver. Doran made sure to schedule his shifts around the at-home care schedule that Jake's wife had created, a schedule that was pretty rigid, and Doran did find it pretty difficult to manage both schedules.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
On Chinese New Year, Doran attended a staff party at the restaurant where he worked, the restaurant that he drove delivery for. They had set out a mouth-watering spread, and Doran was really excited to have a chance to relax a bit, to socialize, to eat some free food. But he wasn't supposed to stay long because he had a 12-hour shift scheduled right after this to care for Jake.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
So the voice that said, why did you do this? Do you remember whose voice it was?
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
This feels like a plot of a thriller. Man trapped in his body overhears a crime and must piece together what happened. Only this isn't a Stephen King novel. This is Jake's reality. He just overheard an assault and attempted murder by the sounds of it. But who pushed who? All Jake can do is lay there and wait for the next clue. Thank you for listening to Blink.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
This podcast is hosted and produced by me, Corinne Vien, alongside my co-creator and survivor, Jake Handel. Our original music is composed by the brilliant and talented Michael Marguet. We're so grateful for your support. If you enjoyed this episode, please consider rating, reviewing, and sharing this story with others.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
For additional resources, updates, and behind-the-scenes content, visit our website, BlinkThePodcast.com. Blink will return with a new episode next Sunday.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
The testimonies and opinions expressed by guests of the show are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of myself or affiliates of this podcast. Any individuals mentioned in the episode are presumed innocent until proven guilty in the court of law unless explicitly stated otherwise. Fear.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
Spalding Rehab, the third best rehabilitation hospital in the U.S., which just so happens to be in Boston, where Jake lives. But Jake wasn't able to get into Spalding quite yet. At this moment in time, he was being cared for by Fairlawn Rehabilitation Hospital. And over the next few months, Jake would transfer from hospital to hospital.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
He'd spend time in different rehab centers and even spend time at home. Throughout this time, his wife continued to advocate for him.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
I have to say, I saw a lot of myself in Ellen in this moment. Your husband is dying in front of you. He's given six months to live, many of which he will be in a coma. You're trying your best to cope and to find any treatment to slow down time. And then you have to witness people stride into the hospital room for an hour or so and so clearly not take Jake's safety seriously. Hell no.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
I think I would likely ban people, too. It had only been a month since Jake's diagnosis, and he was still declining rapidly. His speech was slurred, his body began contorting, and he was unable to walk to the bathroom without two people on either side of him. But Jake continued to work diligently, giving it his all in his daily physical therapy and speech therapy sessions.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
Despite the hours of daily rehab, Jake didn't qualify with his insurance to stay at Fairlawn. He needed to demonstrate that he was making progress. But in Jake's case, progress did not mean improvement. Rather, he worked to slow the progression of the disease to delay the inevitable.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
When given the option between moving to a nursing facility or going into at-home care, Jake and his wife decided that they should have him transferred to a nursing facility. In retrospect, if this disease didn't kill Jake, some of the things that could happen at these facilities just might.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
It's a primal emotion that has been an inseparable part of the human experience since the dawn of our existence. It is both a protector and a tormentor, guiding us away from danger while often chaining us to our anxieties. Fear keeps us safe. Yet, when it comes to our health, fear does not necessarily aid in our survival. You have a rare disease that's eating away at your brain.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
An ambulance did arrive and it transported Jake to a new hospital. This time he was at UMass Memorial Medical Center.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
Makes sense. It was likely in this moment that his wife lost the trust of these types of medical facilities because the next move that they made was to transfer Jake home. Medical staff would come and they would aid in Jake's care, but really his wife and his dad were his primary caretakers, with a lot of the weight landing on Ellen's shoulders.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
A terribly difficult responsibility to take on, but at least she would have eyes on Jake and know that he was safe.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
You're given six months to live. And no, this is not your search results on WebMD. But being told this is certainly scary, and it's a reminder of just how little control we have, and a reminder of the impermanence of life, the fragility of our bodies. Sometimes diseases cannot be conquered, and fear cannot be overcome. Dark, I know, but this is what happened to Jake.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
So at this point, Jake was beginning to have difficulty swallowing. His water had to be thickened to prevent aspiration. And when Jake tells me this, he grimaces while remembering the thick water, describing the consistency as somewhere between honey and rubber. He also had to take about 50 medications, and preparing his medications and his food took multiple hours each day.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
Jake's medical issues continued to consume him, everyone around him, and his pain was just constant. But what hurt the most was the life that he was losing with his wife.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
Now receiving at-home care, Jake was mostly bedbound. He wasn't able to tolerate sitting in a chair for more than an hour without being in excruciating pain. Despite this, he still tried to nurture his emotional and physical connection with his wife.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
I imagine it would be hard to be a caretaker and to spend so much time just trying to keep someone alive and keep someone safe and comfortable and then to switch and view them sexually and romantically.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
Okay, so maybe a physical connection of this kind was not the best idea. But Jake told me that he wouldn't have said no, that it hurt too much, because he really wanted that familiarity. He wanted something to feel remotely normal, even if it wasn't. Everything in Jake's life was different. His body was a stranger to him. His relationship with his wife irrevocably changed.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
And he continued to progressively lose his ability to speak. Needing more care, Jake's mother-in-law utilized her connections to connect Jake with Dr. Naga Kapal Vena. Dr. Vena is the chief of neuroimmunology and neuroinfectious diseases at Massachusetts General Hospital, MGH.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
Just weeks earlier, Jake's life was normal. Well, I mean, as normal as it could be. He lived at home with his wife. He went to work every day. He spent time with friends and family. He took romantic getaways and he traveled frequently. But Jake was also an addict and his addiction resulted in an extremely rare brain disease, a death sentence. His body shut down at a rapid speed.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
2: Locked-In
Dr. Vena is a world-renowned neurologist and an expert in neuroinfectious diseases, and he is one of the nation's leading experts in neurological complications. So, a good guy to get in with. Within a week, Jake had an appointment.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
5: Making Peace with Death
Blink is intended for mature audiences as it discusses topics that can be upsetting, such as drug use, sexual assault, and emotional and physical violence. Content warnings for each episode are included in the show notes. Resources for drug addiction and domestic abuse can be found in the show notes and on our website, blinkthepodcast.com.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
5: Making Peace with Death
The hospice nurse, Mike, was put on Jake's case in February of 2018. He was new to the role. He had cared for a dying relative in the past, which inspired him to pursue this career. But Jake was his very first official case. Here's Mike.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
5: Making Peace with Death
Jake was the one who introduced Ellen to heroin. It's an uncomfortable truth, one that he carries with deep regret. Heroin is horribly addicting, and even those who manage to break free live with this constant pull. There's always that lingering temptation.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
5: Making Peace with Death
Jake heard his dad enter the house with police escorts to say goodbye to him. Jake didn't know exactly why the cops needed to accompany his father, but he assumed that it was the result of the fight on Chinese New Year.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
5: Making Peace with Death
A heated conversation broke out between the family members in the room. Jake's dad, Derone, was escorted out of the house.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
5: Making Peace with Death
And in the moments of immense stress, when the world feels unbearable, and you feel like you're barely surviving, the need for escape can become overpowering. Back when Jake was first diagnosed, his stepdad Eli and his wife Ina were trying to go visit him in the hospital.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
5: Making Peace with Death
Remembering this traumatic event is taking a visible toll on Jake.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
5: Making Peace with Death
It's just so crazy. I wonder like what happened on the other side. Who sent you back? Why were you sent back? Because it sounds like you did die.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
5: Making Peace with Death
Mike stayed on Jake's case for a few more months, and he recalls that Ellen quickly moved back into recovery mode. Jake had survived so far, and she was determined to find a cure.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
5: Making Peace with Death
The thing about hospice care is it's meant for the end of someone's life. But Jake kept on living. So shortly after this near-death experience, his hospice care timed out. And having survived the six months of hospice, medical professionals were not quite sure of what to do with him.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
5: Making Peace with Death
Jake remembers the day they came to take the medical equipment. He could feel hands on him, lifting him out of his hospice bed, placing him down onto a makeshift bed of pillows on the floor. His wife begged them not to take it, but it didn't matter. And so, for days, Jake lay there, on the floor of his father's home, trapped, listening as his wife unraveled.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
5: Making Peace with Death
Thank you for listening to Blink. This podcast is hosted and produced by me, Corinne Vien, alongside my co-creator and survivor, Jake Handel. Our original music is composed by the brilliant and talented Michael Marguet. We're so grateful for your support. If you enjoyed this episode, please consider rating, reviewing, and sharing this story with others.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
5: Making Peace with Death
For additional resources, updates, and behind-the-scenes content, visit our website, BlinkThePodcast.com. Blink will return with a new episode next Sunday.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
5: Making Peace with Death
The testimonies and opinions expressed by guests of the show are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of myself or affiliates of this podcast. Any individuals mentioned in the episode are presumed innocent until proven guilty in the court of law unless explicitly stated otherwise. What drew me to Jake's story wasn't just the twists and turns.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
5: Making Peace with Death
Adrian, Jake's ex and dealer, also had a few heroin-related encounters with Ellen.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
5: Making Peace with Death
So here was Jake's wife, potentially struggling to overcome her own addiction with this unimaginable stress looming over her and the determination to save her doomed and dying husband. Oh, and she had also been living with Jake's dad, Derone, at this point because Derone had let them move in and was counting their rent payments as payments towards eventually buying the home from him.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
5: Making Peace with Death
Derone was also using. He had crippling back pain and it moved to Texas and a new doctor resulted in very little access to the pain medication he'd once been prescribed. One thing led to another and suddenly Derone was using heroin. But Derone told me that the day of Jake's diagnosis, he quit. Cold turkey. But I do think that this helps add some context as to what is happening at home.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
5: Making Peace with Death
Ellen is trying to care for Jake and tension was building between her and Derone, leading to what sounded like an attempted murder and the arrest of Jake's father, Derone. But Derone wasn't the only one who was pushed out. When Jake was in the hospital, there was a list of approved visitors.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
5: Making Peace with Death
For those not on the approved list, like Adrian and a few of Jake's family members, they were able to sneak in using different names and identities. But when Jake was moved to hospice, that was the end of that. Jake's Aunt Varda reads me a string of texts between her and Ellen. Varda had maintained contact when Jake had moved into hospice, but that didn't last long.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
5: Making Peace with Death
You'll see why when you hear the exchange over a few texts.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
5: Making Peace with Death
And as a reminder, Daron is Varda's brother. Varda shows me another text. It came in just a minute later. Ellen writes, you've been nothing but helpful throughout this process. And unlike many, you are one of the few that have stuck around the whole time. That's why I'm such a stickler about giving out information. I don't want information getting into the hands of people who don't deserve it.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
5: Making Peace with Death
Soon after this exchange, another relative of Jake's traveled in from out of town to help them, but she was sick with a cold. Varda received a text from Ellen, who was upset about this relative exposing Jake to germs. The exchange became heated very quickly.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
5: Making Peace with Death
It was the way it challenges how we see people who are too often written off. Jake has this rare magnetism. Even as he lays bare his darkest moments, betrayal, violence, the ghosts of his past, there's no bitterness, it's just raw honesty. Somehow he finds understanding, for himself, for those who hurt him, for the pain that shaped them all. On paper, Jake is a lot of things.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
5: Making Peace with Death
While Eli was trying to get approval to visit Jake, Derone was entering a legal battle with Ellen over their fight. I asked Derone what happened that day, and his story was just as Jake told it. The two get into a screaming match over Derone being late for his shift to care for Jake and give Ellen some much-needed reprieve.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
5: Making Peace with Death
This was just the arraignment. Derone gets a police escort to the house so that he can retrieve his medication, which he's now been a few days without. He only has 10 minutes to collect his things. He grabs some clothes, his toothbrush, and his checkbook. He has to leave his home, his dying son, and his beloved dog Brownie behind. I gained access to the court documents.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
5: Making Peace with Death
Derone's attorney filed an eviction summons against Ellen, terminating her tenancy and demanding that she vacate the home within 30 days. Ellen filed a counterclaim with a request for $20,000 in damages. She writes, "...I am being evicted even though I am the caretaker of his son. He has shut off the utilities and internet despite being ordered not to do so by the district court."
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
5: Making Peace with Death
He is evicting me because I obtained a restraining order and criminal charges after he assaulted me. Plenty of legal back and forth. Derone pushing hard to have access to Jake. And eventually, they come to an agreement. The charges are dropped. While Derone was still cut out, Eli was keeping the rest of the family in the loop.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
5: Making Peace with Death
Ricky is Jake's maternal great-aunt's daughter. He refers to her as his cousin. I tell him, I'll refer to her as your cousin as well on the podcast. And he questions if that's the right move. He's a stickler for facts. So Eli, Varda, and Ricky, Jake's maternal great-aunt's daughter, set a weekly phone date for Jake-related updates.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
5: Making Peace with Death
I can't imagine the anxiety his family must have felt, the immense weight of being completely unable to help him recover physically, and then also having to navigate this very complicated relationship, jumping through hoops just to get a glimpse or a small update. It's pretty amazing that Jake has, and still has, so many people who fought so hard to stay in his life.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
5: Making Peace with Death
Eli finally received an invite to visit Jake. He spent four hours there and everything went really well. Two weeks later, he asked to visit again and he was allowed to go over. When he arrived, Eli let himself in and one of the dogs, a pit bull, lunged at him.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
1: Blink
Blink is intended for mature audiences as it discusses topics that can be upsetting, such as drug use, sexual assault, and emotional and physical violence. Content warnings for each episode are included in the show notes. Resources for drug addiction and domestic abuse can be found in the show notes and on our website, BlankThePodcast.com.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
1: Blink
In the hospital, an emergency MRI is ordered. Jake assumes he will get to go home in the morning, so to make it through the evening, he calls his dad to bring him a pack of Marlboro Reds, his cigarette of choice.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
1: Blink
Hearing that Jake had assumed life would continue as usual, that he'd go back to work the next day and resume his regular drug use, I asked him how he'd been able to keep a job, how he could have lived a high-functioning life up until this point.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
1: Blink
This hidden world of high-functioning heroin users amazed me. I had family members whose lives were ruined from the drug and classmates who lost their lives to it. And so I always thought of it as this thing that debilitated people and then killed them.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
1: Blink
Learning that Jake and many others in his circle could function on heroin and present themselves in the world just like me or you was brand new information for me. Did people really not know something was wrong? For Jake, this lifestyle was something he would never partake in again. And he was about to learn why. Early the next morning, Jake wakes to multiple doctors in his room.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
1: Blink
One sits on the bed next to him. Jake remembers the somber expressions across each of their faces. The doctor seated next to him, placing a comforting hand on his knee.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
1: Blink
Toxic leukoencephalopathy is a very rare disease that causes progressive damage to the white matter of the brain. Drug abuse through inhalation and extravenous injection can both lead to this disease. But it's not just heroin that causes it. Alcohol, cocaine, ecstasy, chemotherapeutic drugs, and even environmental toxins can lead to this diagnosis. For Jake, it was heroin. Inhalation of heroin.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
1: Blink
The disease is complicated, and the research on it is sometimes conflicting. Some researchers believe that heroin-induced leukoencephalopathy may be caused by a contaminant in heroin, a bad stash. But others disagree.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
1: Blink
Here in the hospital with doctors surrounding him, Jake is told that for his particular diagnosis, acute toxic progressive leukoencephalopathy, only a few people have survived past diagnosis. And no one has ever survived after entering stage four of the disease. The odds are stacked against him. He is given six months to live.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
1: Blink
The hospital police and a team of nurses accompany the doctors. The doctors tell Jake, yes, he has about six months left to live. But if he keeps smoking and doing drugs, that window will shorten significantly.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
1: Blink
Two weeks after admission, Jake is moved from UMass Memorial Medical Center to a rehabilitation center where he becomes progressively more sick while simultaneously going through withdrawals from heroin and nicotine. He is sick, dying, and in extreme pain.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
1: Blink
This is Jake Handel, in the building where he and I first met. We lived in the same apartment complex in Boston. I had walked onto the elevator and asked how he was doing, a cordial hello to a neighbor I didn't know.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
1: Blink
To start, Jake is put on extremely high doses of three vitamins, coenzyme Q10, vitamin E, and vitamin C.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
1: Blink
Jake spends two weeks in UMass Memorial Medical Center before being transferred to Fairlawn Rehabilitation Hospital. It has now been 10 days since his diagnosis, and before his transfer, Jake receives a call from his wife.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
1: Blink
This sort of raw and honest answer describes Jake well. While Jake didn't feel great in that moment, what he was accomplishing was miraculous. For the first time in four years, Jake was standing, holding onto his walker, hands gripped and arms strained. The problem being, he was only supposed to go a short distance. And now, he was stuck alone in the elevator.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
1: Blink
Jake's health continues to rapidly decline. Not only will he have to find a way to survive this terminal death sentence, but he will soon have to figure out who around him he can trust. Thank you for listening to Blink. This podcast is hosted and produced by me, Corinne Vien, alongside my co-creator and survivor, Jake Handel.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
1: Blink
Our original music is composed by the brilliant and talented Michael Marguet. We're so grateful for your support. If you enjoyed this episode, please consider rating, reviewing, and sharing this story with others. For additional resources, updates, and behind-the-scenes content, visit our website, BlinkThePodcast.com. Blink will return with a new episode next Sunday.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
1: Blink
After helping him to his apartment and Jake repeating that I saved him, which is certainly a hyperbole, we parted ways. The next time we spoke was two months later, and Jake told me his story. A story involving drug deals, death sentences, medical miracles, and more than one suspected murder attempt. A story of survival with Jake being the only person in the world to ever make it out alive.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
1: Blink
The testimonies and opinions expressed by guests of the show are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of myself or affiliates of this podcast. Any individuals mentioned in the episode are presumed innocent until proven guilty in the court of law unless explicitly stated otherwise. Imagine being told you have six months to live.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
1: Blink
What happened to Jake was so astonishing, it felt implausible. Every detail trumped the next and rarely could I predict what was coming. It felt like a Jordan Peele movie, and I just couldn't understand how Jake was now sitting here, drinking beers with me on our rooftop and describing his life events with such nonchalance.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
1: Blink
If what Jake was telling me was true, this could alter the medical world as we know it, change people's lives forever, and unlock the answers to phenomena we don't have explanations for. Things we deem supernatural.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
1: Blink
I couldn't understand how no one was talking about this, how Jake's face wasn't plastered on the cover of every medical journal, and how his inbox wasn't flooded with inquiries from true crime documentarists. But his story is convoluted. The timeline of events is a bit of a complex web, and the few journalists who have spoken to Jake in the past have sometimes struggled to follow the story.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
1: Blink
But I needed to know more. And so for the following months, I set out seeking answers. The first question I needed to answer was, how did Jake get here in the first place? This is Blank. I'm your host, Corinne Vienne.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
1: Blink
The first time Jake noticed something was off was in May of 2017. Five days later, on May 20th, he woke up in a panic, late for work. At the time, Jake was working at a liquor store in Westboro, Massachusetts. He hopped to his feet and began his morning routine.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
1: Blink
You have a terminal progressive disease that's eating away at the white matter of your brain. You'll soon lose your ability to speak, walk, feed yourself, and eventually, you'll slip into a coma and die. No one has ever survived this. Surely you won't either. As the months progress, the doctor's warnings come to fruition. You slip into a pseudo-coma, laying there in total darkness for months.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
1: Blink
Jake was no stranger to the police, and this wasn't his first time being pulled over while there were drugs in the car. As he pulls to the side of the road, Jake plans to simply stash away his drugs in the center console, concealing it from police.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
1: Blink
Jake is extremely nervous and he knows he's in a dangerous situation. No longer in control of his body's movements, he's worried he'll soon be a headline on the local news. 28-year-old shot during traffic stop in Westboro, Massachusetts. But no matter how much he concentrates on sitting still, he can't.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
1: Blink
The officer radios for backup and multiple unmarked police vehicles arrive quickly to the scene.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
1: Blink
Jake is handcuffed and thrown into the back of an officer's SUV. He watches from the cruiser as other officers search his car. What Jake does next surprises him.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
1: Blink
Jake's wife had been the first to notice that something was off with him. A few days before his arrest, she raised her concerns with the sudden changes in his speech. His words were slurred and higher-pitched. He sounded drunk. Initially ignoring his wife's observations, Jake now worries his wife will be upset with him.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
1: Blink
She knew that Jake was struggling with addiction and stuck by him during the few times he tried to get clean and then relapsed. Hearing of his arrest will surely upset her. While Jake wonders how he will explain his arrest to his wife, his body continues to shut down.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
1: Blink
The nurses chat about their bad dates in front of you, flip through television channels, and discuss the certainty that your death will soon be here. They don't know that you can hear them. They're certain you're no longer in there. Friends and family visit less and less.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
1: Blink
The bail bondsman arrived and Jake posted bail. His car had been towed, so he needed a lift from the station. He calls his dad, Derone, and asks him for a ride. When Derone arrives, Jake doesn't ask to be taken to his car. He doesn't ask to be driven home. He asks for a lift to his friend's house. He needs another hit.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
1: Blink
Jake's father agrees to drive him to his friend's house. The friend? His ex-girlfriend Adrienne, who was, in Jake's words...
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
1: Blink
Adrian and Jake had dated during a very difficult time in Jake's life, the period after his mom had died from a nine-year battle with cancer. Jake and Adrian remained good friends, so when she sees Jake struggle up the stairs to her apartment, she too inquires about his health. He assures her he is fine, and then freebases heroin off of tinfoil.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
1: Blink
Jake takes as many hits as he can in the three minutes he's inside. He then goes back to the car and is driven home. Jake had used his one phone call at the police station to let work know that he wasn't coming. Still, his wife had somehow found out about his arrest and she is waiting for him when he gets back.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
1: Blink
Now your only visitor is your wife, a wife who is certain you'll never recover and who begins to whisper strange admissions in your ear. It is here, helpless in your hospital bed, that you realize what may have gotten you here in the first place. The scariest thing in your room is no longer the potential of dying, but rather the person sitting right next to you.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
1: Blink
Jake's attempt to smoke heroin had failed. The contents of the five-gram baggie now scattered across the bathroom floor. The paramedics enter his home, and his wife directs them to the bathroom. The paramedics get Jake into the ambulance and begin tests. They theorize he may be having a stroke. Once in the emergency room, Jake undergoes a series of tests.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
1: Blink
They give him fluids, some time to rest, and assure him that he is fine. The hospital is preparing to discharge him when his wife pleads with the staff to take her concerns seriously.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
1: Blink
When Jake and I decided to create this podcast, he raised a concern about his voice. Despite the miraculous accomplishments he's made in speech therapy, this new voice is something he's still getting used to. It's slower, wobbly at times, and he occasionally loses control over the volume.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
1: Blink
Jake shifts uncomfortably when hearing recordings of his current voice, but smiles proudly when showing me a clip from before his diagnosis. This clip is from a video he had posted on his YouTube channel called The Many Voices of Jake. There are a few sound effects, but in the start of the video, you're able to catch a snippet of his old voice.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
13. The Proxy Trap
Blink is intended for mature audiences as it discusses topics that can be upsetting, such as drug use, sexual assault, and emotional and physical violence. This episode also discusses child abuse, child loss, pregnancy loss, and medical child abuse. Content warnings for each episode are included in the show notes.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
13. The Proxy Trap
Where is everyone? How does something this devastating happen over and over again and still go unnoticed by family, friends, even medical professionals? How does it slip through the cracks so easily?
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
13. The Proxy Trap
Jordan tells me something that really stuck with me. When an abuser loses access to their victim, the abuse doesn't always stop. It just shifts. The control, the manipulation, the need for attention. It finds a new outlet.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
13. The Proxy Trap
We've spent some time talking about what the abuser does, and Jordan made it clear. The key word in Munchausen by proxy, abuse, is abuse. But I found myself wondering, from a psychological perspective, are there any common threads, any patterns or traits that show up again and again in these perpetrators?
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
13. The Proxy Trap
Jordan touched on why it's so hard to take legal action in cases like this, but I wanted to dig a little deeper. What steps, if any, have been taken in the legal system to better support victims of this kind of abuse?
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
13. The Proxy Trap
I know we're exploring this path because Jake once questioned whether something like this could have happened to him in some form. But I have to be honest, learning about this is really hard. Jake already survived the unimaginable. His story is drenched in darkness, revealing the fragility and at times the cruelty of human nature.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
13. The Proxy Trap
And yet, his search for the truth keeps peeling back layers, exposing some of the ugliest parts of humanity. And it really hurts to think about the victims. Children, the elderly, the medically vulnerable, even animals. Trapped in unsafe conditions with so few options for help, it makes the work that Jordan, Munchausen's support, and other advocates are doing not just important, but essential.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
13. The Proxy Trap
Munchausen by proxy, known now in the DSM as factitious disorder imposed on another, FDIA, is a rare and chilling form of abuse. It occurs when a caregiver, most often a parent, intentionally causes or fabricates illness in someone under their care in order to gain attention, sympathy, or validation from others.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
13. The Proxy Trap
When I think about Jake specifically, it raises a complicated question. Jake had a real diagnosis, acute toxic progressive leukoencephalopathy. There's no denying it. It's rare, it's often fatal, and Jake had the medical records and the brain scans to prove it. His condition was the result of inhaling a toxin, something very real, very physical, and very deadly, for most.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
13. The Proxy Trap
So with all of that being true, would Munchausen by proxy even make sense in a case like his? Could both be true at once? Or does the presence of a legitimate illness or disease rule it out entirely?
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
13. The Proxy Trap
Though rare, Munchausen by proxy has gained significant public awareness in recent years, largely due to the highly publicized case of Gypsy Rose Blanchard. The case exposed how insidious Munchausen by proxy can be, how abusers manipulate not just their victims, but entire systems of trust, from doctors to charities to communities. And so, how does Jake fit into all of this?
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
13. The Proxy Trap
Munchausen Support is the only resource of its kind, and because it's online, it's also the most accessible. They're able to reach and support people from all over the world.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
13. The Proxy Trap
If you're listening and want to support the cause, even if you don't personally need the resources, Munchausen Support is a nonprofit, so they do accept donations to help keep their work going.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
13. The Proxy Trap
Resources for drug addiction and domestic abuse can be found in the show notes and on our website, BlinkThePodcast.com. The testimonies and opinions expressed by guests of the show are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of myself or affiliates of this podcast.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
13. The Proxy Trap
You can find the link to Munchausen's support website in our show notes and on our website. After everything we've learned from Jordan, and with Jake's ongoing efforts to understand the motives of those around him, I wanted to check in. How is he feeling now? Digging deeper into the possibility of Munchausen by proxy isn't off the table for Jake, but it's not where his focus is right now.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
13. The Proxy Trap
There is a lot more unfolding behind the scenes. Still, I have to ask, if it ever did come to light that he was, in fact, a victim, would that shift the way he sees everything that happened?
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
13. The Proxy Trap
Jake's search for answers has taken us to dark and unsettling places, into the minds of abusers, the failures of systems, and the blurred line between care and control. But through it all, he keeps going. He's not just surviving anymore. He's rebuilding, reclaiming, and in many ways, redefining what it means to live after coming back from the dead. Next time, we will step into Jake's world today.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
13. The Proxy Trap
What does life look like for someone once trapped inside his own body? How does he navigate recovery, therapy, and the weight of everything he's uncovered? We'll take you inside his daily life, into the small victories, the setbacks, and the strange new reality of being seen as a miracle man. And just when things seem to have settled, we'll open the door to something unexpected.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
13. The Proxy Trap
A new effort to unlock communication for those still locked in. And an update on our efforts to reach someone whose side of the story we have been dying to hear. Thank you for listening to Blink. This podcast is hosted and produced by me, Corinne Vien, alongside my co-creator and survivor, Jake Handel. Our original music is composed by the brilliant and talented Michael Margay.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
13. The Proxy Trap
We're so grateful for your support. If you enjoyed this episode, please consider rating, reviewing, and sharing this story with others. For additional resources, updates, and behind-the-scenes content, visit our website, BlinkThePodcast.com. Blink will return with a new episode next Sunday.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
13. The Proxy Trap
And this is where Jake found Dr. Mark Feldman. Dr. Feldman, who has since retired, is an international expert in factitious disorders, including Munchausen by proxy. He's served as an expert consultant and an expert witness in cases nationally and internationally. And also, his website is the first one that pops up when Googling Munchausen by proxy.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
13. The Proxy Trap
Jake received an email which detailed a bit of what the process was to determine whether Munchausen by proxy had been perpetrated on him and any ensuing investigation. He was also asked questions about his access to his health care records, if he was still married, and other questions which detailed the concern and danger that he could be in if he was, in fact, a victim of Munchausen by proxy.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
13. The Proxy Trap
Jake's initial investigation into the disorder stalled when further inquiry required payment. However, I reached out to the organization Munchausen Support, and through them, I was connected with Jordan Hope, a survivor of Munchausen by proxy abuse and a powerful advocate in the field.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
13. The Proxy Trap
Jordan serves on the MVP committee board through APSAC, the American Professional Society on the Abuse of Children, and their work is focused on helping survivors heal and navigate life after this abuse. They lead support groups, manage intake and referrals for those affected by MBPA, and they offer one-on-one coaching.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
13. The Proxy Trap
Jordan also travels the country giving presentations to professionals to improve the care and recognition of Munchausen by proxy victims. After I reached out, Jordan's team was able to contact Dr. Feldman and confirm the correspondence with Jake and with the professional he was referred to by Dr. Feldman.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
13. The Proxy Trap
Through my conversations with Jordan, they really helped me better understand what Munchausen by proxy can look like in real-life cases.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
13. The Proxy Trap
This podcast is the story of a man who beat the odds, a medical miracle who survived an incurable brain disease after a life marked by sorrow, loss, and addiction. Each day, Jake pushes himself to rebuild, mind, body, and spirit, refusing to waste the second chance that he was never supposed to get. But this isn't just a story about recovery. It's a story about reckoning.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
13. The Proxy Trap
Jordan was connected with many other experts in the field like Mark Weber, Beatrice Yorker, and Andrea Dunlop, and from there was offered a position co-facilitating support groups. And Munchausen Support has a lot of groups.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
13. The Proxy Trap
Groups for non-offending family, groups for people who have fictitious disorder imposed on self, meaning they're doing it to themselves, support for teens who've gotten out of unsafe homes and are looking for that community and understanding, and so on.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
13. The Proxy Trap
Well, I cannot believe that Jordan, after having been a victim of Munchausen by proxy themselves, could have the strength to revisit this daily and to extend their support to other victims. It's very heavy.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
13. The Proxy Trap
So how do professionals begin to identify this? What are the red flags that suggest someone may be a victim of this form of abuse?
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
13. The Proxy Trap
Because Jake's return to life came with questions. Dark, unanswered ones. And so, he began retracing the steps that led to his collapse. Revisiting every decision, every silence, every person who may have played a role. The truth isn't easy, and sometimes the answers aren't what you want to hear. But Jake is determined to make peace with what happened, or to seek justice through it.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
13. The Proxy Trap
Jake had first learned of this from the movie The Sixth Sense. I've heard a lot about it from true crime documentaries, and so I was curious. Due to the way that this syndrome has been portrayed in media and television and film, how has this affected their work?
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
13. The Proxy Trap
And yet, while the media sensationalizes the abuse, the reality is far more terrifying. Not just because it's real, but because it's deadly. The statistics paint a chilling picture.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
13. The Proxy Trap
A lethal form of abuse, yet notoriously difficult to diagnose because the perpetrator often appears loving and attentive and deeply concerned, when in reality, they are the source of the victim's suffering. It's a manipulation of trust, and like Jordan said, for the 6-9% of victims, it's proved fatal.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
Presenting: Murder True Crime Stories
Hey, everyone. It's Corinne, and if you're loving Blink, you should check out the Crime House original Murder True Crime Stories. Each episode of Murder True Crime Stories explores the story of an infamous solved or unsolved murder. From crimes of passion to high-profile assassinations, serial killers, and money-motivated murders, host Carter Roy covers it all.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
Presenting: Murder True Crime Stories
But what sets Murder True Crime Stories apart is the unique approach to these stories. not just covering the evidence, but highlighting the victims, their lives, what led to their deaths, and if they ever got justice. Some of the names you'll recognize, Chandra Levy, Lacey Peterson, the Black Dahlia, And others you may not. Betsy Artsma, David Blakely, Theora Hicks.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
Presenting: Murder True Crime Stories
But every episode is full of shocking twists, gripping true crime storytelling, and unbelievable moments. Search Murder True Crime Stories and follow now wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every Tuesday. And now, enjoy the special preview of Murder True Crime Stories, The Burger Chef Murders.
Blink | Jake Haendel's Story
Presenting: Murder True Crime Stories
Thank you so much for listening. To catch the rest of this episode and so much more, don't forget to search and follow Murder True Crime Stories wherever you get your podcasts.