Colin Sledge
Appearances
KILL TONY
#712 - ADAM RAY + RICH VOS
Well, she wanted our IDs, and one of my friends lost her driver's license because she's sort of a mess. We got a warning, by the way. I didn't finish the story. Go ahead. Thank you for clarifying. Okay.
KILL TONY
#712 - ADAM RAY + RICH VOS
She didn't have her driver's license, but she had her passport, and so she gave the cop her passport, and she said when they took the passport to the cop car, she said, I think there might be weed in the passport. Hell yeah.
KILL TONY
#712 - ADAM RAY + RICH VOS
And I was like, what percent chance do you think? And she was like, 100%. Was it in like a baggie? No, it was just in the pages.
KILL TONY
#712 - ADAM RAY + RICH VOS
She was not the fan. I'm sorry. Oh, she wasn't a fan. No, it was another guy.
KILL TONY
#712 - ADAM RAY + RICH VOS
It was a white guy. All right, well, all right. Sorry about that. All right, well. Almost had her. But yeah, she... Well, I was in a good mood because obviously. And so I thought, she's probably not even going to notice. And then she came back and she was like, we noticed the weed in the pages of the passport. And... This is incredible.
KILL TONY
#712 - ADAM RAY + RICH VOS
Other cops pulled up, and that's when I thought they were going to jail. Not me, though, because I had a legal Delta 8 gummy. They had weed. Okay. So then what happened? They searched, they frisked all of us and sat us on the curb in the cold. And then they searched my car. They found some more of her weed, maybe.
KILL TONY
#712 - ADAM RAY + RICH VOS
And then the other passenger, they found more weed, a fair amount of weed, and a scale and little baggies. Oh, my God. So now it's an illegal drug dealing operation. Well, I think the scale, I'm going to go with he has an eating disorder.
KILL TONY
#712 - ADAM RAY + RICH VOS
They sat us on the curb, frisked us. And then they found the scale and more weed. Yeah.
KILL TONY
#712 - ADAM RAY + RICH VOS
And then they made her pour out all the weed from her passport and, like, step on it.
KILL TONY
#712 - ADAM RAY + RICH VOS
I don't know. It wasn't shake? It was real weed? Like, nugs of weed? Well, it was, like, folded in the pages. I don't know how much it was. I didn't ask. This is absolute fucking insanity, by the way.
KILL TONY
#712 - ADAM RAY + RICH VOS
I understand the dynamics of a physical passport. She uses it to roll joints or something. She pours it from the passport. That's so retarded.
KILL TONY
#712 - ADAM RAY + RICH VOS
Yeah, she's sort of my number one advisor in comedy. Okay, so then what happened? Then they asked him, like, why do you have the scale and the baggies? And I think he just didn't answer, which is probably good. And then they made him stomp on all his weed with his cowboy boots and let us go. I did... I think it was because we were talking about, like, where are you coming from?
KILL TONY
#712 - ADAM RAY + RICH VOS
And we said we were going from Austin back to Houston after I killed Tony. And he was like, you know, the... white guy cop's like, did you get on? And then my friend was like, yeah, you got a golden ticket. And he was like, well, congrats. He was really nice. Wow.
KILL TONY
#712 - ADAM RAY + RICH VOS
He's like, cool, you want to shoot this guy for no reason? I'm a big fan of KT. I thought about being like, you can have the joke book if you don't arrest my friends, but I think that would be bribing a police officer. You did everything just fine.
KILL TONY
#712 - ADAM RAY + RICH VOS
No, I got a warning For what? What was the initial stop for? So my Mazda CX-5... Has a taillight that's out. No. Well, yes. That's what happens. Yep. So, no, the headlights are always on. I can't turn them off. And so when the lights get switched off somehow, I don't notice because the headlights are always on.
KILL TONY
#712 - ADAM RAY + RICH VOS
How do you not notice when your lights are off? Well, I know the lights are on because they're always, but the tail lights are behind me and I can't tell if they're not functioning. That is true. So I got a warning for that. They didn't get a warning for copious amounts of weed. I don't know what that's about, but... Incredible. Adam Ray.
KILL TONY
#712 - ADAM RAY + RICH VOS
Yeah, that's what I usually do. Yeah. Also, when I get nervous, I tend to just shut down completely. I'm not nervous now for the record. Yeah. Yeah.
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
Thank you. So I used to work at the mall at Express. One time, these two ladies were in the same fitting room. And when that happens, apparently you're supposed to say, I'm sorry, we only allow one person at a time in the fitting rooms. But what I said was, oh, yeah. In my head, it was really quiet, you know, but they said I shouted it. I always say the wrong thing, you know?
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
Like, I was hooking up with this girl, and she was like, you know, talk dirty to me. And I was like, what do you want me to say? I'll just say whatever you want, just tell me what to say. And she was like, just make me feel like a slut. I was like, you're such a slut, you're having sex with me. And at the end, she was like, did you even cum? I was like, bitch, did you?
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
I mean, man. My friends say I have resting serial killer face.
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
What would surprise you about me? I quit comedy for eight years and I just sort of got back six months ago.
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
Yeah, they could tell in high school just the other kids, but I had to pay a lot of money and I didn't get diagnosed until I was like 27 or something. Wow. But yeah, they had me go to like an autistic support group, but I was... Just a bunch of guys staring at the wall? Yeah. I was too high functioning for that. Okay. You were? I was the most charismatic guy there. Jesus Christ.
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
Must have been a real who's who. Yeah. And so I had to find, like I was too high functioning for the autistic people and not high functioning enough for the normal people, so I started doing open mics and those are sort of- That's perfect, yeah. Bridges the gap, you know? Amazing. Thank you. Amazing, Colin.
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
I worked at the mall. You did? Wow, what did you do at the mall? I yelled at ladies going in changing rooms.
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
I like just cleaning, you know. Cleaning. Yeah, folding shapes.
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
This is the only thing I've memorized. Chopstick. This is Charlie Brownshake. Can I have a piano?
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
There is? Yeah, there's multiple pedals. Well, I'm not doing that again.
KILL TONY
#708 - H. FOLEY + KEVIN RYAN
Well, I kept writing for the eight years, so I don't... You have a lot of material. I have a lot of material. Okay.