Chioki Ianson
Appearances
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
Yes, Shazaly is a self-proclaimed villain for hire, and he recently started advertising his services on Facebook with the pitch line, are you tired of your partner thinking you are weak? For a reasonable fee, I can help you prove him wrong. Although there are some obvious public disturbance risks involved, our entrepreneur insists it's all harmless. Quote, it's all an act like WWE.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
Because maybe my shark isn't friendly. Maybe my shark is the one that needs to be on the leash. Yeah, totally.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
Like what wouldn't work? Is this a rash or something else?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
Do that at the dog park? Yeah, all the time at the dog park. When I'm walking my shark. Can you help me hide this body?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
Look, I've got two kids. I've seen a lot of vomit. Yeah. If you petrified that, I don't know how I would be able to distinguish it from any other rock.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
I don't think of that sweater as a good look, but apparently people do. It's come back. That sweater was the look of like, okay, we're going to have him play a romantic lead, but look at that guy.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
They look warm, you know, cuddly. Our focus group of two agrees, Peter. They're ready to go lobstering at any moment.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
But admit it, you want them more now than you used to, don't you?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
And Adam Felber. I don't know how it hasn't happened in this country already, but Cadbury Egg McMuffins. Yes.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
Oh, you missed his fat period. Yeah, when he was singing Tangled Up in Stew. Like a rolling scone. Yeah. The pant sizes, they are a-changin'. Lays, lady, lays. Stuck inside a mobility scooter. Memphis blues again. Blubber on the tracks. Anyway. This is the story of the Dairy Queen hurricane. Are you freestyling right now?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
missing something fun. And is that based on experience? Like people coming back from the bathroom and being like, now they're having more fun. If you come back from the bathroom and people are having more fun than when you left, you're the problem. It's true.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
Yeah, when she hits that high note, everything releases. That's like, ah. And they stalled a good 20 minutes before that song actually got sung. So you were in pain, I'm betting.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
What's the downside? Why don't you want sexy dressed people on a plane? What happens when that happens?
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
You're a nerd on a date with a woman who's way out of your league. Who knows why she swiped right on you, but here you are. Worse, as you come back from the men's room, your date is being harassed by a huge scraggly-haired ruffian who is nearly twice your size. You act quickly, putting yourself between the interloper and your date.
Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!
WWDTM: Amber Maykut
You yell at him, warn him off, make karate hands, and give him a firm shove on his meaty shoulder. And somehow, miraculously, he backs off. Your date looks at you with newfound admiration. You're the hero! What she doesn't know is that her harasser is a 28-year-old Malaysian named Shazaly Suleiman, and you hired him for exactly this moment.