Bert Kreischer

That's fine, though. That's good. And the people in Hawaii were awesome. I opened with a fucking... I opened with a James Cook, the women of Hawaii joke. How'd that land? Not well. What's the angle on it? Like, I wish I was James Cook? No, I said, you know, one of my favorite stories about James Cook, and everyone's like, we're not huge fans of that guy.

And I was like, this isn't going to go over well. I was like, you know, I mean it is a funny story. Yeah, they pull up to Hawaii, right? Yeah, and James cooks. I don't whisper anymore Okay, James cooks like this is ASMR. Okay, James cooks like to the guys on his boat He's like, all right. Listen, we all have syphilis and we'll have rickets.

And I was like, this isn't going to go over well. I was like, you know, I mean it is a funny story. Yeah, they pull up to Hawaii, right? Yeah, and James cooks. I don't whisper anymore Okay, James cooks like this is ASMR. Okay, James cooks like to the guys on his boat He's like, all right. Listen, we all have syphilis and we'll have rickets.

And I was like, this isn't going to go over well. I was like, you know, I mean it is a funny story. Yeah, they pull up to Hawaii, right? Yeah, and James cooks. I don't whisper anymore Okay, James cooks like this is ASMR. Okay, James cooks like to the guys on his boat He's like, all right. Listen, we all have syphilis and we'll have rickets.

Okay, so no one I'm not letting you guys on this fucking island and they're like, but we need fruit. He's like, okay Fruit and water. That's it. I'm gonna send to you fucking people. I have one rule Don't fuck the women. And they go, what about the fruit? Okay, two rules. Bring back fruit. Don't fuck the women. Two rules, that's it. Two you go. You understand me, two rules.

Okay, so no one I'm not letting you guys on this fucking island and they're like, but we need fruit. He's like, okay Fruit and water. That's it. I'm gonna send to you fucking people. I have one rule Don't fuck the women. And they go, what about the fruit? Okay, two rules. Bring back fruit. Don't fuck the women. Two rules, that's it. Two you go. You understand me, two rules.

Okay, so no one I'm not letting you guys on this fucking island and they're like, but we need fruit. He's like, okay Fruit and water. That's it. I'm gonna send to you fucking people. I have one rule Don't fuck the women. And they go, what about the fruit? Okay, two rules. Bring back fruit. Don't fuck the women. Two rules, that's it. Two you go. You understand me, two rules.

And they go, yeah, boss, we got it. He's like, great. Sends them in a boat. They come back in the boat. And he's like, how did it go? And they're like, well, you're not going to be happy. I'm like, what? And they're like, we fucked a couple women. So now they have syphilis, so we might as well just go fuck them. That's what I opened with in Hawaii. And they were like, yeah, we know. Yeah. Yeah.

And they go, yeah, boss, we got it. He's like, great. Sends them in a boat. They come back in the boat. And he's like, how did it go? And they're like, well, you're not going to be happy. I'm like, what? And they're like, we fucked a couple women. So now they have syphilis, so we might as well just go fuck them. That's what I opened with in Hawaii. And they were like, yeah, we know. Yeah. Yeah.

And they go, yeah, boss, we got it. He's like, great. Sends them in a boat. They come back in the boat. And he's like, how did it go? And they're like, well, you're not going to be happy. I'm like, what? And they're like, we fucked a couple women. So now they have syphilis, so we might as well just go fuck them. That's what I opened with in Hawaii. And they were like, yeah, we know. Yeah. Yeah.

I was like, fucking shit. And you're like, that's one of my favorite stories. I just think it's so funny that I just thought... When I heard that story, I thought it made me giggle. They didn't like it. And then I... By the end of the week, you know, it's like you get the rust off yourself. I opened my first show Thursday with that. And then... By the end of the week, I was like, fuck James Cook.

I was like, fucking shit. And you're like, that's one of my favorite stories. I just think it's so funny that I just thought... When I heard that story, I thought it made me giggle. They didn't like it. And then I... By the end of the week, you know, it's like you get the rust off yourself. I opened my first show Thursday with that. And then... By the end of the week, I was like, fuck James Cook.

I was like, fucking shit. And you're like, that's one of my favorite stories. I just think it's so funny that I just thought... When I heard that story, I thought it made me giggle. They didn't like it. And then I... By the end of the week, you know, it's like you get the rust off yourself. I opened my first show Thursday with that. And then... By the end of the week, I was like, fuck James Cook.

And they're like, yeah! And I was like, do you want to know the craziest thing about James Cook? He couldn't swim. Seriously? He couldn't swim. He's out navigating the world? Navigating the world. And apparently that was a tactic.

And they're like, yeah! And I was like, do you want to know the craziest thing about James Cook? He couldn't swim. Seriously? He couldn't swim. He's out navigating the world? Navigating the world. And apparently that was a tactic.

And they're like, yeah! And I was like, do you want to know the craziest thing about James Cook? He couldn't swim. Seriously? He couldn't swim. He's out navigating the world? Navigating the world. And apparently that was a tactic.

Keep your sailors like you didn't want sailors who could swim Wanted sailors who couldn't swim then they really gave a fuck about make no one abandoned the boat right and so Yeah, they he tried to take someone hostage and then they chased him in the water bludgeoned and death and he couldn't get to the boat He couldn't swim to the boat. That's how he died. Yeah and

Keep your sailors like you didn't want sailors who could swim Wanted sailors who couldn't swim then they really gave a fuck about make no one abandoned the boat right and so Yeah, they he tried to take someone hostage and then they chased him in the water bludgeoned and death and he couldn't get to the boat He couldn't swim to the boat. That's how he died. Yeah and

Keep your sailors like you didn't want sailors who could swim Wanted sailors who couldn't swim then they really gave a fuck about make no one abandoned the boat right and so Yeah, they he tried to take someone hostage and then they chased him in the water bludgeoned and death and he couldn't get to the boat He couldn't swim to the boat. That's how he died. Yeah and

And then I started getting... I don't know if it's pandering, but there's an island called Nihao. Do you know that island? It's privately owned by a white dude. And he has not let... Anyone on that island. There's like 80 Indigenous people like real Hawaiians.