Allison Holker

And you don't have to earn any of it. You can just receive it.

And you don't have to earn any of it. You can just receive it.

And I think he started towards the end having a little bit of cracks that he was getting a little bit low. And I think him seeing that himself, when people would start asking, are you okay? Are you okay today? It would trigger him. And he would get really upset when you asked him that because he always thought he could wear this face and convince everyone he was okay.

And I think he started towards the end having a little bit of cracks that he was getting a little bit low. And I think him seeing that himself, when people would start asking, are you okay? Are you okay today? It would trigger him. And he would get really upset when you asked him that because he always thought he could wear this face and convince everyone he was okay.

And that's another thing that we started to notice is if you asked him if he was okay, it was very triggering to him. It was like, yes, I'm okay, of course I'm okay. And so I think those little things starting to pour out into our children or into me or into people starting to see that, Oh, he's maybe not okay today.

And that's another thing that we started to notice is if you asked him if he was okay, it was very triggering to him. It was like, yes, I'm okay, of course I'm okay. And so I think those little things starting to pour out into our children or into me or into people starting to see that, Oh, he's maybe not okay today.

I think him seeing how people react to that maybe or how they might react to it started concerning him.

I think him seeing how people react to that maybe or how they might react to it started concerning him.

We had hiked to the highest peak of the mountain in Hawaii and it was magical. We had to go all the way above the clouds and we wanted to stargaze. And it was something that we did without the kids.

We had hiked to the highest peak of the mountain in Hawaii and it was magical. We had to go all the way above the clouds and we wanted to stargaze. And it was something that we did without the kids.

we wanted to just do it with ourselves so we could have this like really romantic moment together and we got to the very very top and it was oh the stars were so bright that night it was so beautiful and we were having this big discussion about life life and death and how beautiful it is and how that we don't believe that after you die that that's the end of everything that

we wanted to just do it with ourselves so we could have this like really romantic moment together and we got to the very very top and it was oh the stars were so bright that night it was so beautiful and we were having this big discussion about life life and death and how beautiful it is and how that we don't believe that after you die that that's the end of everything that

you could cross into another life. Like you could cross into another path or another future and that you could find that love again in another lifetime. And we had this, what I thought was such a beautiful discussion about life after. And I was like, wow, like we're so deep. I was like, this is so incredible. And I feel like I always was learning from him.

you could cross into another life. Like you could cross into another path or another future and that you could find that love again in another lifetime. And we had this, what I thought was such a beautiful discussion about life after. And I was like, wow, like we're so deep. I was like, this is so incredible. And I feel like I always was learning from him.

And sometimes I look back on that discussion of like, wow, like we really beautified death. And he was never scared of death. He almost celebrated it in that moment. And it kind of gives me the heebie-jeebies looking back on it. Because parts of it still are really beautiful. But some of the things and the depth that he would go and the thoughts that he had had, death had been on his mind.

And sometimes I look back on that discussion of like, wow, like we really beautified death. And he was never scared of death. He almost celebrated it in that moment. And it kind of gives me the heebie-jeebies looking back on it. Because parts of it still are really beautiful. But some of the things and the depth that he would go and the thoughts that he had had, death had been on his mind.

It almost felt like sometimes he thought death was chasing him. And he was learning to accept it. And so I sometimes look back on that discussion because I remember going back to our Airbnb that we had had at the time and I was like, wow, like we had such a profound talk and it was so beautiful.

It almost felt like sometimes he thought death was chasing him. And he was learning to accept it. And so I sometimes look back on that discussion because I remember going back to our Airbnb that we had had at the time and I was like, wow, like we had such a profound talk and it was so beautiful.

And sometimes I look back and I'm just like, his thoughts in mind had been racing about it for a very long time.

And sometimes I look back and I'm just like, his thoughts in mind had been racing about it for a very long time.