Allison Holker

You know, there was a time when we were in Hawaii with our kids that I now look back on and it pains me so much. We were going to the beach. I packed everyone their sandwiches, got the kids ready, and he was actively like not helping. And I don't say that to tear him down, but he wasn't. He was sitting on the couch and not helping getting with you ready. But I was like, all right, cool.

You know, there was a time when we were in Hawaii with our kids that I now look back on and it pains me so much. We were going to the beach. I packed everyone their sandwiches, got the kids ready, and he was actively like not helping. And I don't say that to tear him down, but he wasn't. He was sitting on the couch and not helping getting with you ready. But I was like, all right, cool.

Me and my nanny were doing it. Got everything ready for the kids, got all their activities ready. And we go to the beach and we're running into the water and the waves and we're all laughing. And I looked back at him and he was wearing all black, he had his black tennis shoes on, his black sweatpants he wore every single day because he wasn't showering and washing his clothes.

Me and my nanny were doing it. Got everything ready for the kids, got all their activities ready. And we go to the beach and we're running into the water and the waves and we're all laughing. And I looked back at him and he was wearing all black, he had his black tennis shoes on, his black sweatpants he wore every single day because he wasn't showering and washing his clothes.

Same black hoodie, he had his black backpack, or sorry, his green backpack on. Still on his back while we're sitting at the beach in Hawaii, in the sun, black beanie on, arms folded, black sunglasses, sitting. And again, I had said to myself, he's been working his face off. He's just tired. Like, who am I to try to like drag him out into the water if he doesn't want to, you know?

Same black hoodie, he had his black backpack, or sorry, his green backpack on. Still on his back while we're sitting at the beach in Hawaii, in the sun, black beanie on, arms folded, black sunglasses, sitting. And again, I had said to myself, he's been working his face off. He's just tired. Like, who am I to try to like drag him out into the water if he doesn't want to, you know?

And I probably was like overly cautious of stuff like that, but I was like, I don't want to invade his space. It's okay. It's okay for him to just have this moment with himself. Because we would always talk about how introverted he is and he likes to be in his thoughts and stuff. But now I look back on that and a lot of people might hear that and be like, well, so why would he do this?

And I probably was like overly cautious of stuff like that, but I was like, I don't want to invade his space. It's okay. It's okay for him to just have this moment with himself. Because we would always talk about how introverted he is and he likes to be in his thoughts and stuff. But now I look back on that and a lot of people might hear that and be like, well, so why would he do this?

And also they could say to me, why didn't you see it better? It's like, but you justify things when you're with someone. Because I loved him so much. I was like, it's okay. And you say he wouldn't take the backpack off. Do you know what was in the backpack? Yes. He always had his self-help books in his backpack and his journals.

And also they could say to me, why didn't you see it better? It's like, but you justify things when you're with someone. Because I loved him so much. I was like, it's okay. And you say he wouldn't take the backpack off. Do you know what was in the backpack? Yes. He always had his self-help books in his backpack and his journals.

And even then, like, you know, when he would be feeling a little bit like tired or exhausted, he'd always like hold his books and read them. And they were always self-help books. He loved books like The Alchemist was one of his favorite books. The Four Agreements was one of his favorite books. And he constantly had books like that on him.

And even then, like, you know, when he would be feeling a little bit like tired or exhausted, he'd always like hold his books and read them. And they were always self-help books. He loved books like The Alchemist was one of his favorite books. The Four Agreements was one of his favorite books. And he constantly had books like that on him.

And that's looking back on things like that is when I realized that when he was checked out at the times I thought he was like recouping his energy, he was really in his thoughts in a dark place.

And that's looking back on things like that is when I realized that when he was checked out at the times I thought he was like recouping his energy, he was really in his thoughts in a dark place.

I really believe that he was such, because I don't say these things to tear him apart. He was such a beautiful individual, but so beautiful in his heart that he never wanted anyone ever to feel his pain. He never wanted that for people. He always wanted to be someone that they could look to and lean to at any given moment that he could just pour out to them. And I really believe that

I really believe that he was such, because I don't say these things to tear him apart. He was such a beautiful individual, but so beautiful in his heart that he never wanted anyone ever to feel his pain. He never wanted that for people. He always wanted to be someone that they could look to and lean to at any given moment that he could just pour out to them. And I really believe that

He loved people so much. Because I've also had people ask me, were people not pouring into him? And I'm like, this man was loved by our family, by his family, by all of his friends. He was, oh, he was reveled. People loved him. Everyone idolized him and looked up to him and could lean on him and trusted him.

He loved people so much. Because I've also had people ask me, were people not pouring into him? And I'm like, this man was loved by our family, by his family, by all of his friends. He was, oh, he was reveled. People loved him. Everyone idolized him and looked up to him and could lean on him and trusted him.

But I sometimes think he doubted himself so much if he deserved that love because he was receiving so much of it that he thought he had to outpour it, just give it to as many people as I can. To make him almost convince himself maybe that would make him deserve the love. That, yeah, you have to learn for yourself to understand that you deserve, you deserve so much love for who you are.

But I sometimes think he doubted himself so much if he deserved that love because he was receiving so much of it that he thought he had to outpour it, just give it to as many people as I can. To make him almost convince himself maybe that would make him deserve the love. That, yeah, you have to learn for yourself to understand that you deserve, you deserve so much love for who you are.