Allison Holker

Like maybe we would trigger him and we can't trust talking to him about it because maybe it would get him into a low. if we're honest with him about what they're going through. And he liked being that person for people. And that's why I do, I really believe that he always wanted to help people. Even in his lowest moment, he thought he was helping.

Like maybe we would trigger him and we can't trust talking to him about it because maybe it would get him into a low. if we're honest with him about what they're going through. And he liked being that person for people. And that's why I do, I really believe that he always wanted to help people. Even in his lowest moment, he thought he was helping.

Yeah. I think I always grew up thinking that if I just power through and, and same for him, like if we're, we wake up and we say our gratitude and we say our affirmations and it really does pump you up. Yeah. That's why I'm saying I still do it to this day and I see so much beauty behind it.

Yeah. I think I always grew up thinking that if I just power through and, and same for him, like if we're, we wake up and we say our gratitude and we say our affirmations and it really does pump you up. Yeah. That's why I'm saying I still do it to this day and I see so much beauty behind it.

And he was the same way we, we had like dry erase markers and we'd constantly be writing on our mirrors and writing stuff to each other to pump each other up. And You know, if we were tired or sad, we'd be like, oh, let's go read this book together. Let's listen to this podcast together. And we both loved that and generated so much of who we are from that.

And he was the same way we, we had like dry erase markers and we'd constantly be writing on our mirrors and writing stuff to each other to pump each other up. And You know, if we were tired or sad, we'd be like, oh, let's go read this book together. Let's listen to this podcast together. And we both loved that and generated so much of who we are from that.

And I still do think there's so much beauty in it, but we didn't have the balance of it. We didn't have the balance of it. I think we we also both enjoy our work so much and became such work heavy people. And he was such a work guru that I think in order to mask going through his deeper rooted feelings, I think he would keep himself busy.

And I still do think there's so much beauty in it, but we didn't have the balance of it. We didn't have the balance of it. I think we we also both enjoy our work so much and became such work heavy people. And he was such a work guru that I think in order to mask going through his deeper rooted feelings, I think he would keep himself busy.

And I as well, I can't say that I'm talking just about him, I do the same thing and I still struggle with that. It's just I'm trying now in my life to learn better tools of, you can be a positive person while also admitting that you're having a sad day.

And I as well, I can't say that I'm talking just about him, I do the same thing and I still struggle with that. It's just I'm trying now in my life to learn better tools of, you can be a positive person while also admitting that you're having a sad day.

Yes. You know, it's interesting because when it first started unfolding, I just thought it was like, it really pains me to say this because I wish I could have been a stronger person knowing signs when they were right in front of me, but I didn't know. But the hygiene thing to me is probably the biggest red flag.

Yes. You know, it's interesting because when it first started unfolding, I just thought it was like, it really pains me to say this because I wish I could have been a stronger person knowing signs when they were right in front of me, but I didn't know. But the hygiene thing to me is probably the biggest red flag.

And I honestly just was like, he's been working his face off for like 15 years straight. He's tired. He's like, let me just be a man laying in bed all day. Let me rest up. Because we knew that going into the next year, like after the Ellen show ended, we had like six months and he was still working all of that summer.

And I honestly just was like, he's been working his face off for like 15 years straight. He's tired. He's like, let me just be a man laying in bed all day. Let me rest up. Because we knew that going into the next year, like after the Ellen show ended, we had like six months and he was still working all of that summer.

We knew we only had like a couple more months before we were supposed to have our biggest year of our lives with jobs. So I kind of just was like, oh, like he's just sleeping right now. He didn't feel like showering today because he didn't have to go to a set. Like we just kind of, and he would joke about it. Like he'd be like, I know, I'm sorry.

We knew we only had like a couple more months before we were supposed to have our biggest year of our lives with jobs. So I kind of just was like, oh, like he's just sleeping right now. He didn't feel like showering today because he didn't have to go to a set. Like we just kind of, and he would joke about it. Like he'd be like, I know, I'm sorry.

Or like, it was something that we were aware of, but we more painted it like, nah, you've got a couple more months before we got to get back in shape and get back into everything. And And we would discuss it. And he discussed it even in interviews and stuff that was like, yeah, like this is just my time to kind of sit back. And we kind of justified everything instead of like,

Or like, it was something that we were aware of, but we more painted it like, nah, you've got a couple more months before we got to get back in shape and get back into everything. And And we would discuss it. And he discussed it even in interviews and stuff that was like, yeah, like this is just my time to kind of sit back. And we kind of justified everything instead of like,

You know, I didn't have the tools learning about depression before as I never really thought it was something that we were going to have to deal with. So I didn't have the proper tools of really looking back and stepping back and seeing that, wait, this has maybe got a little bit carried away. Maybe there's something deeper happening here. Like the hygiene, he wasn't working out anymore.

You know, I didn't have the tools learning about depression before as I never really thought it was something that we were going to have to deal with. So I didn't have the proper tools of really looking back and stepping back and seeing that, wait, this has maybe got a little bit carried away. Maybe there's something deeper happening here. Like the hygiene, he wasn't working out anymore.