Young and Profiting with Hala Taha (Entrepreneurship, Sales, Marketing)
Matt Abrahams: Spontaneous Speaking for Entrepreneurs, How to Communicate Confidently On the Spot | Human Behavior | E330
Mon, 20 Jan
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From kindergarten through university, teachers always called on Matt Abrahams first because his last name came first alphabetically. This forced him to think on his feet regularly and, over time, shaped him into a master of spontaneous communication. In this episode, Matt shares practical tips for speaking confidently on the spot as an entrepreneur, managing anxiety, and mastering techniques for effective small talk, networking, and negotiation. In this episode, Hala and Matt will discuss: (00:00) Introduction (02:35) Why Public Speaking Terrifies Most (03:31) How We Communicate: Then vs. Now (06:42) The Key to Navigating Small Talk (11:04) Embracing Mediocrity to Communicate Like a Pro (14:25) The 6 Steps to Thinking Faster, Talking Smarter (18:12) Managing Anxiety in Critical Moments (27:46) Balancing Active Listening and Sharing (32:14) Structures for Speaking Spontaneously (42:22) The Impact of Using Fewer Words (44:11) Reading the Room and Winning Negotiations (49:06) Networking with Confidence (53:20) How Body Language Amplifies Your Message Matt Abrahams is a lecturer at the Stanford Graduate School of Business, where he teaches Strategic Communication and Effective Virtual Presenting. He is the author of Speaking Up Without Freaking Out and Think Faster, Talk Smarter, and hosts the popular Think Fast, Talk Smart podcast. Matt has helped individuals deliver impactful presentations, from IPO roadshows to Nobel Prize speeches, TED Talks, and World Economic Forum sessions. He also consults for the United Nations and advises Fortune 100 companies. Resources Mentioned: Matt’s Book, Think Faster, Talk Smarter: amzn.to/3PyVXtS Matt’s Podcast, Think Fast, Talk Smart: fastersmarter.io Sponsored By: OpenPhone - Get 20% off 6 months at https://www.openphone.com/PROFITING Shopify - Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at https://www.youngandprofiting.co/shopify Airbnb - Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much at https://www.airbnb.com/host Rocket Money - Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to https://www.rocketmoney.com/profiting Indeed - Get a $75 job credit at indeed.com/profiting Active Deals - youngandprofiting.com/deals Key YAP Links Reviews - ratethispodcast.com/yap Youtube - youtube.com/c/YoungandProfiting LinkedIn - linkedin.com/in/htaha/ Instagram - instagram.com/yapwithhala/ Social + Podcast Services: yapmedia.com Transcripts - youngandprofiting.com/episodes-new All Show Keywords: Entrepreneurship, entrepreneurship podcast, Business, Business podcast, Self Improvement, Self-Improvement, Personal development, Starting a business, Strategy, Investing, Sales, Selling, Psychology, Productivity, Entrepreneurs, AI, Artificial Intelligence, Technology, Marketing, Negotiation, Money, Finance, Side hustle, Startup, mental health, Career, Leadership, Mindset, Health, Growth mindset. Human Behavior & Psychology Psychology, Mindset, Habits, Positivity, Self-Improvement, Personal Development, Human Nature, Human Psychology, Critical Thinking, Robert Greene, Chris Voss, Robert Cialdini
Chapter 1: Why is public speaking so terrifying?
People would rather be standing on the precipice of a 30-story building covered in snakes and spiders rather than giving a presentation. Quite frankly, I think the other 15% are lying. We can prepare to be spontaneous. All communication, planned or spontaneous, needs to be goal-driven.
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When it comes to managing anxiety, you really have to... The single best thing you can do in small talk is just be curious.
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When we're negotiating or trying to convince even our partner of something, how should we communicate?
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Chapter 2: How can we navigate small talk effectively?
First and foremost, we have to...
As always, you can find all of our incredible deals in the show notes or at youngandprofiting.com slash deals. Yap gang, 2025 is a year of change for me. I'm single and there's nothing tying me down to Jersey anymore. And so I'm looking to set up residence in Texas or Florida. And I've got to stay there at least six months and one day so that I can save on taxes and switch up my dating pool.
Yeah, fam. So what do you think? It's a simple question, but one that a lot of us struggle with, especially if you hate being put on the spot, whether at work or at Thanksgiving dinner. But in today's business world, the ability to speak spontaneously is more crucial than ever.
Whether you're navigating a job interview, negotiating a deal, pitching an idea, or simply engaging in small talk, you need to be able to communicate effectively and comfortably. To help us master this skill, I'm thrilled to welcome Matt Abrahams, a professor at Stanford's Graduate School of Business.
Now it's a toss up between Miami and Austin. I'm super familiar with Miami, but I haven't really explored Austin much. And with so many entrepreneurs raving about it, I've at least got to test it out. So I rented a beautiful home on Airbnb with my business partner this winter so that we could try out Austin and see if it's the right fit for us.
Matt is the author of the book, Think Faster, Talk Smarter, the host of the podcast, Think Fast, Talk Smart, and he's dedicated his career to helping individuals master the art of spontaneous communication. So let's get started and learn how to think faster and talk smarter. Matt, welcome to Young and Profiting Podcast.
Now, I don't really know what I'm going to do in terms of the city I'm living in next year for most of the year, but I do know what I'm going to do with my pad when I'm not in it. And that's hosting on Airbnb, of course. The thing is, when it comes to hosting my place on Airbnb, I don't want to worry about the hosting part.
Hala, I am so excited to be here with you. Thank you.
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Chapter 3: What are the six steps to spontaneous speaking?
We feel threatened by the opportunity to be up in front of others. Those of us who study it think it has an evolutionary origin to it. When our species was evolving, we would hang out in groups of about 150 people, and your relative status in that group meant everything. And when I say status, I don't just mean who's driving a fancy car, who has the most social media followings.
Yeah, fam. So what do you think? It's a simple question, but one that a lot of us struggle with, especially if you hate being put on the spot, whether at work or at Thanksgiving dinner. But in today's business world, the ability to speak spontaneously is more crucial than ever.
I mean access to resources like food, shelter, reproduction. So anything you did that put your status at risk would cause anxiety. And getting up in front of others was exactly that. So it is ubiquitous, yet it is something we can learn to manage.
Whether you're navigating a job interview, negotiating a deal, pitching an idea, or simply engaging in small talk, you need to be able to communicate effectively and comfortably. To help us master this skill, I'm thrilled to welcome Matt Abrahams, a professor at Stanford's Graduate School of Business. But now in modern days, why is spontaneous speaking so important?
Yeah, well, because things come at us so fast and furiously. Think about it. We are bombarded with information all the time. People are asking us questions. People are asking us for feedback. We make mistakes. We have to correct. Things go wrong. We have to apologize. We're in a situation where we have to make small talk.
Matt is the author of the book, Think Faster, Talk Smarter, the host of the podcast, Think Fast, Talk Smart, and he's dedicated his career to helping individuals master the art of spontaneous communication. So let's get started and learn how to think faster and talk smarter. Matt, welcome to Young and Profiting Podcast.
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Chapter 4: How can we manage anxiety during presentations?
The interactions that we're having, both in person and virtually, require us to speak spontaneously and to shift very quickly as we do it. Hala, I am so excited to be here with you. Thank you.
I am so excited too because I'm so fascinated by communication and human behavior. They're two of my favorite topics and you are just such an incredible expert in this area. So I can't wait to jump right in. We've all heard that old statistic that most people fear public speaking more than death. And that's just the regular planned public speaking.
And do you feel like the internet and things like AI and all this technology that's going on, do you feel like that's hurting our communication skills as younger people?
I don't know if I would say hurting. It's definitely changing and challenging it. There are more ways to communicate, and some of those ways are actually really helpful to us. We can be more efficient in our communication. We can spend more time with it because of tools that help us get messages out more quickly. At the same time, we miss the opportunity to connect.
But it also sounds like based on your research that many of us also fear impromptu spontaneous speaking even more. So just how scary is public speaking and spontaneous speaking to the average person? And why do you think that's the case?
It is really terrifying. People would rather be standing on the precipice of a 30-story building covered in snakes and spiders rather than giving a presentation. Up to 85% of people report feeling nervous in high-stakes communication situations. Quite frankly, I think the other 15% are lying. This is something that's just innate to being human.
So I am an optimist when it comes to technology and communication, but we do have to adjust and adapt. And the big thing we have to remind ourselves is in the workforce we have multiple generations and some of the generations, more likely the younger generations, are more comfortable and used to using technology and those of my generation or older aren't.
Those of us who study it have found it across all cultures. It tends to start around the same time. Young teens are when our anxiety around speaking in front of others really takes off. And you're right. It's not just planned communication. It's also in the moment spontaneous speaking, which if you think about it is most of our communication. So it's part of being human.
We're in this transition phase and we all just have to remember that we're all learning and we learn at a different pace. But I do think technology can help us communicate, we just have to leverage it appropriately.
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Chapter 5: What role does body language play in communication?
Chapter 6: How can we improve our networking skills?
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In other words, the goal in improv is not to be an amazing star with everything you say. Instead, the job is to just get things going, keep things moving along. And sometimes the best way to do that is just to do it, be dull. So I've transformed that into what I call maximize your mediocrity. And I teach at Stanford. I teach Stanford Business School students.
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If you have a laptop or a phone that has lots of apps or windows open, each one of those apps and windows is performing less well because the other ones are open. You have limited bandwidth and you're spreading it thin. When I am putting pressure on myself to say the right thing in the right way at the right time to be perfect, I am actually putting so much pressure on myself.
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I'm using all this bandwidth to judge and evaluate and assess my perfection or lack thereof that I actually have very little bandwidth to actually do the communication. So when you give yourself permission to just get it done, I like to say it's about connection, not perfection.
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Chapter 7: What is the importance of being curious in conversations?
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Could you go over that at a high level for us?
Absolutely. Let me introduce the method. It really divides into M&M, my favorite candies. It's about mindset and messaging. The first four steps are all about mindset. When it comes to communication in general, but specifically spontaneous speaking, anxiety looms large. We started by talking about that. Most people are nervous. Most people are really nervous in spontaneous situations.
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Chapter 8: How can we prepare to speak spontaneously?
Oh my gosh, that was such good advice. And I don't do this on purpose. I never did it on purpose, but because I go speak at so many podcast conferences, what happens is I'm preparing these awesome presentations and I'm pulling all this data. And then the whole time, I'm just touting what I learned in my presentation to everybody when I'm doing small talk. And that's my theme. And I never realized-
Space to say more is a gift. And so if you allow people more space, you actually show that you care, that you want to learn more, and that you want to connect. So I encourage all of you, when you are having deep, meaningful conversations or want to have deep, meaningful relationships,
that I'm actually doing that, but didn't realize that I was doing that. So that's just such a cool tip, especially for people who might not be doing a presentation to treat it like you would. So I love that. So in your book, you talk about an NPR journalist who has a killer last question that she likes to ask her interviewees. Can you tell us about this killer last question and why it works?
Pause a little bit, give people space, and really listen to what they say, and it will transform those relationships.
So we're going to get meta again. Is there anything important that I neglected to ask?
This is Deborah Schifrin you're talking about. Deborah is also a colleague at Stanford. And before I tell you the question, her goal is to give people an opportunity to say more. So a lot of us in our dialogue, we ask a question, they respond, we ask a question. But if you actually pause for a moment and you ask people and you just give them an opportunity to say more.
Oh, well, thank you for that opportunity. I think one of the things we did not talk about that is important for us to think about is not just what you say, but how you say it. We need to be thinking about our body and our voices when we communicate. So it's not just feeling comfortable and confident speaking in the moment, it is appearing comfortable and confident.
So let me share just a couple bits of advice about what we can do with our body and our voices. First and foremost, you want to be big. Many of us, when we get nervous or are feeling threatened, we make ourselves small. So the best thing you can do is take your shoulder blades and just pull them down. Make yourself broad. I'm not pushing my elbows back. I'm not puffing my chest out.
So not only does she say, is there anything else you'd like to say? Her magic question is, is there anything more you'd like to add? She also builds in a pause. So when somebody is done answering a question, if you pause just a little bit before you ask the next question or comment on it, you give people space. We are so busy and our attention is so pulled in different directions.
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