having standards for excellence and being hard on yourself are two different things, but oftentimes we just lump them together.the greats have standards, but they don't beat themselves up more than they have to.if you want to work with yourself to achieve anything in life, you must be fair. you must be able to look into your habits and lifestyle and truly acknowledge if you're doing enough.sending you all lot's of love and peaaaaaaaace!https://stan.store/thezurkieshow
Chapter 1: Is being hard on yourself a good thing?
isn't being hard on yourself a good thing isn't that what we've been taught to think is what builds champions and people who do incredible things it seems like everyone all the time is telling you you're not good enough you need to do more you look at somebody online they're doing way more than you are but i'm tired bro i'm tired All the time. This standard. I'm not good enough.
Chapter 2: Are you being fair to yourself?
I'm not doing enough. I need to be this kind of man. I need to be this kind of provider. This kind of individual. I need to be the kid that is doing better than his peers. Why? Why? Are you being fair? Are you being fair to yourself? Because I'm not. I'm not. I'm very hard on myself. Honestly, it's very hard for me to find things that I like about myself.
And that is after years of acknowledging that, yes, I am hard on myself and figuring out that, you know what, I need to take a step back and really realize that I'm doing enough. I'm doing enough. And honestly, I am not going to be perfect. And honestly, I am going to have days where I think I am a bad friend. I'm a bad collaborator. I'm behind schedule.
I will have days where I know that I could have done better, but I chose not to. I will have days that I'm not good. But that is because I'm human. And it's a weird pill to swallow, especially when, you know, we've grown up with this standard of perfection and that's what's infected all of our minds. We can't even exist normally because somebody out there is doing better than you.
But that's not being fair. Because we all start at a different point in our lives. We all start with different resources. We all start with a different idea of what life should look like. And for us to compare ourselves to each other, it's kind of foolish. Now, don't get me wrong. You know, there's also a mentality that people have, which is like, you shouldn't have any expectations.
Chapter 3: How can we define standards without being harsh?
You shouldn't have any kind of standard. And hold on, like, it's good to have standards, right? It's good to have a certain idea of the person that you want to be. But it's bad to just put it in this chokehold that that is the only thing. That is the only thing. I cannot accept that I've had a good day unless I've hit every single part of my routine. And guess what?
When I put that standard on myself, I hit none of it. I do none of it. I'm not being fair. And that expectation trickles onto other people. You start to put this kind of pressure on other people and you think that that's okay. And it's not. It's not because it's not fair. We've done that now with dating.
Chapter 4: Why do we compare ourselves to others?
A lot of us have super high standards and it's like half the things we don't even do ourselves. We just demand it from other people because we think we can demand it from other people when in reality, when you point your finger, you got three pointing right back at you. Shout out Terry. Terry taught me that one. A homie from the gym. It's not fair. It's not fair.
Chapter 5: What does it mean to be human in our struggles?
And I think in times where I'm the most frustrated, that's when I'm honestly the least fair to myself. And I don't like it. I don't like it. And recently I had something happen in my life where I got...
really upset with myself because I wasn't thinking 20 steps ahead you know I felt like I was like I was really letting myself down and I was doing something reckless you know there's also times where you know I feel like I'm resting too much and I should be working harder but it's like dude that's not fair It's not fair. I know, I know. It seems super cool to be on the grind 24-7.
And there is a certain image that comes with that, that you're hardworking. But you aren't. For a lot of us, that's not really being hardworking. We're working a lot, but that doesn't mean that we're working hard or that we're being efficient with our time. Because those are not the same thing. You can work a lot and do nothing. A lot of people do that. Or you can be selective about how you work.
My problem is that I am not fair to myself and I feel like I need to keep up a certain image to other people when in reality I can make mistakes and I can be human and I can do something that's questionable. Sometimes you're going to do that.
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You're you're honestly, if you don't upset people in your life, you're not doing it right. You're not. Now, I'm not saying that you should go and, you know, I don't know, disrespect people, spit on their shoes, spit on their Jays. Don't do that, dude. Don't do that. OK, that's like some insane disrespect. If someone spit on my Jays in twenty eighteen. I had the, I still have them to this day.
I bought the UNC Jordan ones. That was when the Virgil ones, rest in peace, came out. And I was so, I was like, I don't want the Virgil ones. I said I didn't want them because I couldn't afford them. But I was like, I don't want them because I want to get the OGs. And I got the OG Jordans, the UNC's. And the Unks go so hard, dude. Those are my favorite shoes I think I own.
I don't own like a lot, but those are one of my favorites. Anyways. You will make mistakes. Stop putting yourself in this hole that you can't do that. And I'm telling you to do that because I do that. I do that. And I'm learning what it is like to internalize maybe some of these feelings and speak through action instead of beating myself down. Because it's not constructive.
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Chapter 6: How do we communicate our feelings effectively?
And the awk hasn't even been able to make it the awky way. Don't forget the Bev. Never ever. You're not being fair. You're not being fair. You're not. I'm not. What does a fair relationship with yourself and other people look like? What does it look like? I think it looks like One, meeting people where they're at. That's very important. And you have to be observant. You have to.
But I also think it is about communicating when things are off or when you feel like something is wrong. And maybe part of that is like, hey, having an open dialogue of We're working together on this project. Listen, bro, I'm putting a lot of effort into this. You're kind of slacking. What's going on? Is this something that we can fix?
Is there something I can do less of that you feel like you could contribute more of? Is there some way that we can make this partnership work? I like working with you, but something is off. Or maybe it's in a relationship of, hey, like, I feel like you're not being attentive to me or that you're not even checking in with me. You're not really interested.
Am I assuming this or is actually how it is? Because it feels that way. I mean, it's a simple dialogue. It really is. But it's not an easy one. But the thing is, it's easier to assume than ask for the truth. Because asking means that there is some kind of answer. And maybe the answer is uncomfortable. And also, you will know more about the person when you ask the uncomfortable question.
And for some of us who, we see somebody in a certain light, it might change the way that we see them. Dramatic suspense. Okay. What I mean by that is let's say you're in a lovey-dovey relationship. You're young. How do you like them young? And you feel as if this person is the world. They're perfect for you. You are truly in love. But there's something wrong.
They still talk to that one girl that they had history. But the rest is a mystery. But there's something. You know there's something there. You feel it. You're like, oh, they shouldn't be talking that much. One, your gut is probably right. But two, you know you should address it. But you are afraid to address it because two things can happen. Well, a couple of things can happen. It's not just two.
Right. But there's a good chance that you will ask them and they'll they'll reassure you. It's actually they'll be like, yeah, you know what? We're we had history, but we're chilling. It's like it's not like that. And you can be like, OK, all right. Dope. But there's also a reality where if you ask them, they become defensive and they try to hide the truth.
And maybe they try to gaslight you or maybe they try to flip the situation onto you in some kind of way and be like, why are you even curious about this? That's a little bit interesting. You're insecure. It's going to change your perception of them. Because deep down your gut will be like, oh, that's weird. Oh, I don't like that. But I like this person. I know. But the cracks are starting to show.
And what a lot of people don't understand is, you know, that's being fair to yourself. And it's actually a good thing. It's a good thing because you're starting to realize that that is not the person you want to be with. But what a lot of us do is we don't listen to that. We instead be like, oh, no, I am overreacting. No, you're not. You're not overreacting.
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Chapter 7: Why is trust important in relationships?
That's really where, you know, it all kind of comes into fruition and we're like, oh, I get it. That's... That was... This pattern. I should have listened. And for some of us, we might even go through that. And we won't realize it until years down the line. We'll just think that was kind of weird, whatever. And then years down the line, we'll be like, wait a minute.
They were playing me like a fiddle. They were playing me like a trombone. They were playing me like mayonnaise, but famously mayonnaise is not an instrument. If you know, you know. Is mayonnaise an instrument? Are you being fair? Maybe you are. And maybe you're being too fair. Maybe you've given them way too many second chances.
Maybe you have been very graceful with them, and they've told you, I promise I'll change. Really? They're going to change? Yeah, right. Yeah, right. I've heard the I'll change before. Sometimes they do. Can't discount that. Some people work very, very hard to change for others. But I think that the best kind of change is change that you do for yourself. Because that kind of change lasts.
Changing for other people is good temporarily if you want to impress somebody. If you want somebody to feel good about you. But it's not something that stays forever. Because you don't have any stake in it. You know, if you have stake in something, if you feel like something is tied to you, you are more likely to nurture it and care for it.
And if you feel like you can be very genuine with yourself and you can be fair to yourself, then that change is also fair. It's also good. It also lasts. It really comes down to our whys. That's really where everything comes down to. It's like, why are you doing something? Why are you interested in something? And again, why are you being so hard on yourself? What's actually the problem?
Maybe it's that you fear you're gonna make a mistake and people are gonna laugh at you for it. Maybe you fear that people are gonna judge you for the type of person that you like and you wanna spend time with. Maybe, maybe it's not even fear. Maybe you just don't really know how not to be hard on yourself because your parents were always hard on you. They always were just disciplining you.
And now you've come into your own self and you've realized, I don't even know who I am because my entire life I was told who I was. And I think coming to that realization is you being fair. It is you being fair. And it's valid. It's a weird place to be. Becoming your own person is already a hard enough task, especially nowadays.
When you're told that you're somebody else your whole life, how are you able to do anything? It's like, I feel for you. But it's not impossible. It can be done. There are millions of people who have been able to do that. You just, again, you have to be fair. You have to be fair. Are you being fair? In your relationship with your parents. This is a big one for a lot of us. Are you being fair?
Because your parents, there's a good chance, they had no idea what they were doing. Does it excuse the way they treated you? No, not at all. It doesn't. But it explains it. And I think for a lot of us, we hold resentment in that. And hey, I mean, some of us had it really rough growing up. I get it.
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