it's time to accept that the past won't change.it's good to look at it and realize the lessons you needed to learn, but ruminating in the past is a dead end.I've had to learn that taking people for who they are is the most important thing you can do. it doesn't mean you shouldn't take accountability for your actions, but forgiveness is a two way street. don't confine yourself within who you used to be. you are the person you are right now.sending you all lots of love and peaaaaaaace!https://stan.store/thezurkieshow
Chapter 1: Why does thinking about the past hurt?
You know what honestly hurts me? Is thinking about the past. It hurts me. I can look at it now from a perspective of like, you know, I did what I did. I lived the life that I lived. But if I'm completely real, sometimes it really does pain me because I messed up a lot. I don't want to hear about my partner's past. I don't. But for some reason I'm curious. I'm just curious if I'm doing a good job.
Chapter 2: What can we learn from our past relationships?
At least that's how it was in some of my relationships. And when I would hear about their past because they were open, it hurt me. It really hurt me. And I was in this weird conundrum where I had willingly asked for the information and they willingly provided it to me. And then all of my insecurities just went rapid fire.
And I think I've learned that there are certain things in my life that are honestly better left in ignorance. And there are also certain things in my life that maybe I do want to know, but I have to ask myself, is it hurting me? And there's a good chance you got to ask yourself too, are certain things in your life hurting you? Is it hurting you? Maybe it is.
Chapter 3: How does jealousy affect our present?
Maybe seeing and keeping up with your ex-girlfriend, boyfriend, partner is actually hurting you. It's doing more harm than good. Yes, you're able to laugh at them and make fun of them because they totally downgraded and they are having an atrocious time. But it's also simultaneously reminding you of the both of you being in something together.
Chapter 4: Why is self-deprecation harmful?
And your jealousy is actually stemming from the fact that you never got closure. That you never felt like we made amends. I think it is hurting you. I think it is hurting you. In the same vein, I think that when you talk bad about yourself and you lower your confidence because you want to be self-deprecating and you want people to like you, it is hurting you. I don't think it's a good thing.
At least in my life, it hasn't been. you know, made jokes about myself, some that were really just like pathetic because, oh, I thought that this is, this is how I'm going to get people to like me. And you should be able to laugh at yourself. Like you shouldn't be serious all the time.
You know, you can make a troll once in a while, but if it's, if it's all the time and you really feel like there's no confidence in you, I don't think that that is something that you should do over and over and over again.
Over and over again, something has to change.
If you know, you know. You know what honestly hurts me? Is thinking about the past. It hurts me. I can look at it now from a perspective of like, you know, I did what I did. I lived the life that I lived. But if I'm completely real, sometimes it really does pain me because I messed up a lot. I did.
And part of messing up was that I was so obsessed with being perfect that I never really made mistakes. that were ones I could learn from. I mean, you know, granted, I had a lot that I learned from, but I think that there were periods of my life where I felt like I was better off isolated, not really trying.
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Chapter 5: How can we reclaim our time and passions?
And I'm way, way more excited to put the work in to make it happen. But yeah, we do a lot of things that hurt us. We do a lot of things that subconsciously are really, really bad. Maybe even consciously we know that they're bad, but we just have gotten in the habit of not taking ourselves seriously, not giving ourselves respect. So we just do it anyways. I think it's worth reclaiming.
I think it's worth at least asking yourself the question, is it hurting you? You know, maybe you're playing a specific sport right now and you've lost the passion for it. You feel like a shell of your younger self. And it's actually going against what you really, really want to do.
Maybe you want to do theater, I don't know, or you want to play an instrument, or you want to learn how to work with Raspberry Pi computers and code stuff onto them. But you feel like you need to play a specific sport. And you have this kind of pressure on you, but really it's like, dude, it's hurting you. It's hurting you. You want to do this for other people.
You don't really want to do this for yourself. So of course you're going to feel bogged down and you're going to feel like this is bad. I think what really hurts me too is staying stagnant. not making an effort to change, not making an effort to continuously push for something different, new. I really, really get in this comfortable mode.
And after a while, I look back and I'm like, where did all the time go? It's like, I wish I had spent it, you know, pushing myself a little bit more. And, you know, it comes with time. It's funny because I sound hypocritical saying that because I know a lot of you have heard me say, you know, things take time and you should be patient.
But to a similar vein, like I have found myself to sometimes be really hurt by the lack of what I did, not what I did. And maybe it's a standard thing. Maybe it's because I want to do so much and I feel like I need to live my life in a certain way and set an example. But it's like, do I really? Not really. I just kind of need to do me. I just got to do my own thing.
I think what's really hurting me right now is my lack of structure. And the fact that, you know, I haven't touched a barbell in like three months. Aye yi yi. The gym was my church of iron. It was a place where I could really be present. I don't really work out with music. I try not to. On some David Goggins. I really like working out with no music.
That's kind of how I used to work out when I got introduced to working out when I was a sophomore in high school. And... It was nice. There was a community aspect to it where I could troll with my friends and hang out. Oh my goodness. I don't think I'll ever laugh the way I did in high school, man. Dude, it was fun. I'm sounding like Unk, bro. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, man.
High school was the glory days. No, it was not, dude. This is infinitely cooler than high school. I'm just saying. Like, bro, there's a swan here. Do you see this? That's sick. He's doing the ice bucket challenge, by the way. He's dunking his... He's doing a cold plunge. Oh, my God. That's hilarious. But... Yeah, like I really, really find solace in being in the gym and doing that work for me.
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Chapter 6: What role does fitness play in self-confidence?
And when I started to hit the gym consistently and I started to work out, I realized that the way in which I was thinking about working out for other people and not for myself, it was hurting me. Is it hurting you? Yes, it was hurting me. And instead, when I relieved all that pressure and I'm like, I just want to move around. I want to like feel good in my own body.
That's really when like the change occurred. And I gained this confidence because I had consistency under my belt and I could be like, yeah, I've gone to the gym X amount of times. I feel good about it. It was really something special, really something special. But it's odd, man.
Sometimes when you chase after things, when you get hyper-fixated over a goal, or you get in a relationship, or... People use this term all the time, but life... Like, life happens. It's easy to get derailed, and I think I've gotten a little bit derailed, and I've... I've... I've lost the edge. What? I've lost the edge to... Go out there. Go into that gym. Do a workout. Just go.
And that lack of pursuit, it is hurting me. It is hurting me. Because I have it in other aspects of my life. But I think that there's a couple crucial ones that I've let go of. Maybe your lack of a hobby, your lack of an interest, your lack of a talent is hurting you. Maybe you feel like you want to give something to the world.
You have some kind of calling, but you don't know what it is, but you're not even giving yourself the time to nurture it. You know what's so interesting? I'm in Orlando right now, and I had the chance to go to the Morse Museum, which I 100% recommend if you're ever in Orlando. I have an interest in stained glass. I actually worked as an apprentice at a stained glass shop for three days.
Three days. And then I, the Zerky show turned into the Zerky show. And I was like, okay, I gotta, you know, do this full time, which is a blessing. But, It's interesting because when I went to this Morse Museum in Orlando, it is the biggest collection of Tiffany & Co. glasswork. This guy was on a different level, bro. You talk about Tiffany & Co., you think of jewelry.
Well, Tiffany, bro, was goaded with the sauce when it came to making glasswork.
stained glass works so if you go into a church or you go into like a you know an antique shop and you see those lamps that have like the different pieces of glass that all seem kind of kneaded together that's that's bro that's bro bro came up with that i think at least he did it very well and he was very successful he might have not come up with it but anyways all of that to say it was so eye-opening to see how dedicated the people at the tiffany company were
at their craft and how calculated it seemed. And I think part of that was because they didn't have external stimulation really. And I think that, you know, I've seen myself kind of devolve into needing to be stimulated all the time, taking a shower with music, um, watching something while I eat dinner. And it's hurting me.
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Chapter 7: How to find new interests and hobbies?
I would write for 15 to 30 minutes. And now that has been replaced with The scroll. The scroll. And it numbs my mind. And I don't want my mind to be numb, you know? That doesn't actually fix the anxiety.
Somebody's watching me. It's my anxiety.
Oh, my God. were hating on that song bro come on it's not a banger or is it what do we think Zerky show fam is it a banger I think it's my mom sent it to me so I think it's good I don't know you know don't she seems cool I like her music but yeah it's weird it's weird like I want a journal again It actually kept me sane. It kept me really present. And it made me feel so grateful for what I have.
And trust me, I'm grateful. It's not like I'm not. But sometimes we just, we get in this thought loop that does hurt us and doesn't let us acknowledge what good there is. Because we're so locked in the thought loop.
want to be perfect like I don't want to just you know get a flip phone and that's it because I don't think that's the answer but I think it's about being more mindful about what is actually affecting me and what is actually hurting me and I think that my media consumption habits are doing more wrong than they are doing right and now it's on me to change it you know and maybe you feel similarly about something else maybe there's another consumption habit that you have
That you know is bad. Because it's affecting. The way you view yourself. It's affecting the way that you view other people. It's making you anxious. It's making you feel less than. It's an age old question. Is it hurting you? Yes. Okay. Then you. Then we. Okay. We at least know it's doing that. Now we got to work to change it. Now we got to work to. To do something else.
You know going back to like knowing about my partner's pasts. I was always intrigued because I think subconsciously I wanted to know that I was the best. When that doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. What matters is that they like you for you and you're sharing something in the moment, in the present. But instead, oh my goodness, it's like we have to know. But it's not a Nardwar episode.
You don't need to know. What more does that information give you if you've already accepted who they are? And I think I did it as a form of, you know,
self-sabotage too I would just pry and pry and pry and hear about details I did not need to know and it's you know what hey it's different I think you get to a certain point where you get comfortable in who you are there's a certain amount where you can be like yeah I don't really care you know it's chill but there for a lot of us like we're sensitive to it you know people talk about Gen Z being sensitive all right I mean hey we just we feel the emotions you know
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