yes is an awesome word. but be careful with how you use it.
Chapter 1: Why is saying 'yes' often a mistake?
Yes is an awesome word, but be careful with how you use it. Let me guess, you did it again. You had an idea, you had goals of what you wanted to do today, this week, this weekend, this month. And suddenly, someone came knocking. Or someone came calling. And they said... Hey, you know that thing that you want to do? What if you just didn't do that and instead you helped me out?
Chapter 2: What happens when you overcommit to others?
And you looked at yourself and you said, I really should lock in. I really should not do this. But you said yes. And now time has passed. And that thing you wanted to do, that self-help book you wanted to read... that place you wanted to go to, that idea you had that you wanted to finally sketch out in your journal and get to it, you didn't do it. Just say no! It's not that easy.
It's not that easy, trust me. I was a chronic over-committer. In college, I wanted to be everywhere all at once. I wanted to do everything. Hey, there's this awesome event happening over at the quad. You should be there. I'll be there. Hey, there's this incredible event that's happening at this place and this club is recruiting. You should go. I'll be there.
I said yes so much that I didn't even know how to say no anymore. And I had all these things I wanted to do for myself. I wanted to go to the gym. But I got a club meeting at 7, so I can't really do that. I wanted to play soccer. I am soccer. Dude, I'm a boss at midfield or striker. Come on. Oh, but I got this exam for this class that I got recruited for. I wanted to film a video.
Chapter 3: How can saying 'no' change your life?
But I said yes to going to this Friendsgiving, and I really don't want to go to this. Just say no. This is a life skill that once you master it, you will be in awe of how much time you actually have. And it is the hardest thing to do if you are someone who cares. And let's be real, right? You're a people pleaser. Let's be so real. You're a people pleaser. You like to make people feel good.
And sadly, for some reason, saying no has been equated with a bad thing. Yeah, he said no to this opportunity like I can't even believe it. It just didn't work. It wasn't meant to be. It's not anything against you. Like, I would have loved to go to that Friendsgiving that would have had mid-food and I probably wouldn't have eaten it and I would see people that I don't even talk to.
I would have loved to go to that. But I said, no, I don't want to because I want to read a book that I've been meaning to read. When you start saying no, you realize the power of yes. Yes.
Was du aus deiner Zukunft auch machst?
Wir können alles, was kommt.
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Chapter 4: What is the value of saying 'no'?
Das Handwerk.
Chapter 5: How do you effectively say 'no'?
When you start saying no, yes has so much more value. Because when you're dishing out nos, the yeses that you dish out, they matter. Hey, do you wanna go and hang out on this date? We're having a little bonfire, yes. Yes, I do, I wanna be there, I'll be there. Simple as that. How do you say no? How do you say no? Cause let's be real. Okay.
I'm not someone who's going to be like, you just, you go up and you say no. Like let's, okay. Let's be honest. Sometimes no is hurtful. Sometimes it is. So I'm going to give you two options. One, you can be honest. You can say, listen, I really appreciate the invite. I know it'd be a great time, but I just, I have another plan. I'm going to go through with that plan.
Chapter 6: What should you do when people don't accept 'no'?
Maybe in the future we can do something. Cool. Yeah, bro. Totally chill, man. I'll invite you to the next party. Like, no worries. The second option is also being honest. Hey, no, I don't want to go to the party. Thank you for the invite. It's kind of your choice. I mean, the first one does sound infinitely better than the second one. I will say that. But you know what?
Sometimes people will not leave you alone and they'll just keep asking. They'll keep being like, hey, so are you going to do this? No, you know what? I got another thing going on. Come on, man. Dude, you never do anything fun. No, I don't want to go. Thank you for the invite. All right. All right, dude. Like, all right. If someone can't take no, I don't think they're the best for you.
If they're really fighting you on your genuine response. Ooh, bad sign. Red flag. Red flag on the play. Because if someone is truly your friend, if someone truly has the best intentions for you, if you say no, they're going to be like, totally. Totally get it. Not a problem. You're good. You're totally good, bro. Just say no. There are so many incredible opportunities.
Just because you miss one doesn't mean you won't have another. Just because you don't go to the Friendsgiving or to the party that you were invited to or you do a certain thing that someone told you you gotta do this, it doesn't mean it's the end of the world. It's just what I wanted to do. And we gotta tap into this more. We have to tap in to saying no. And that goes across the board.
If it's something you disagree with, if it's something that's fundamentally just rotting you in the core, you need to say no. Ah, but this would be so good for your career. This would be so good for your GPA. No. No. I don't want to do it. Don't care. Unc, we get it. We're going to say no. What do we do when we say no? We have all this time. What do we do with it? Great question. Let me tell you.
For every opportunity you say no to, I want you to make an opportunity for yourself where you would say yes. And don't look for the opportunity. Make it yourself. You said no to a concert. Cool. What is something that you've wanted to do for a while? I wanted to go to an arcade. I think that would be so sick. Play ice hockey. I think that'd be super sick. Okay.
The time that you would spend going to the concert to see a mid artist that you don't really like and your friends are annoying. Find some friends you like and go to an arcade. I said no to a book club because I didn't really like the people and I didn't like the book. OK, cool. You said no to that. Now I want you to take that. Read a book that you want to read.
I really want to read that Rick Rubin book, the one with the circle on it. Great. You have the time now. You said no. Now you can give something that time and say yes to it. Because the trap that people find themselves in is they say no. And then they... This thing that you have, time, is the most valuable thing. You won't get this back.
So if you're going to say no to an experience, to an opportunity, to anything, fill it. Fill it. Because this, if you just go... You're wasting the time. That's the one thing you won't get back. Time. Time is judgment. A lot of us wait for the opportunity for something to come to say yes to.
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