why should we try to be ourselves? what if we aren't our crush's type? isn't life all about changing? yes, but not for other people. "just be yourself" is cliche, but it's also difficult.being genuine isn't easy. it means opening yourself up to criticism and discomfort. but the pay off is being able to live your life in a way that feels real, not like you're having to fit a mold.stop performing for your crush. a real partner will be attracted to you for the person you are. but is only put on display if you truly let it.sending you lots of love and peeeeeeaaaaaaaace!https://stan.store/thezurkieshow
Chapter 1: Why do we feel the need to perform for others?
There have been many moments in my life where I have struggled to be genuine. I've struggled to be myself because I knew somebody was watching. It didn't matter who that person was. It didn't matter if it was my crush, my hinged situationship. It didn't matter if it was a family member or someone, I don't know, I didn't even know at all. I had the feeling that somebody was watching me.
Chapter 2: What does it mean to be genuine?
I always feel like somebody's watching me. And that's literally how I felt. Because in a good portion of my life, I feel like I have been performing for others. And I also wonder if you have been. Are you performing? Are you putting on an act? I don't know. It's easy to say that, right? But
Oftentimes, we can't even recognize that we're putting on an act because it's so deeply entrenched with who we are. We think that the act that we have put on for other people, that's us. And we get that completely served back to us as if it's a bread bowl from Panera with French onion soup. That's usually my order. Extra cheese. And people say, no, no, this is who you are.
You are the person that is always happy. You are the friend that is always good. You are just the person who makes films. You can't make music. You are just the person who's going to law school. You don't do all of this other creative stuff. You are just the person that I have decided to put in a box. And so what do we do? Like,
Chapter 3: How do societal expectations shape our identity?
What do we do when we know that we are in this box, when we know that people see us a certain way? Well, some of us go against the grain, and some of us really, really rebel against it. We say, that does not define me. I define who I am. And actually, we do. We end up still performing. It's just the performance becomes combative.
It becomes dismissive of the perspective that is trying to be forced upon us or the idea of who we are. And sometimes we do that in a way that's really harmful to us. Maybe we think that we need to change physically. We need to get a certain kind of modification to our personality. or even our body in order to show that, no, I am not like the person you think I am.
But I also think, contrary to that, a lot of us just accept it. We hear that we are a certain kind of person, and we look around and say, well, so many people view me that way. I might as well perform for them. And there is comfort in performing. There is so much comfort in being the person that somebody says you should be.
Chapter 4: Can we find a balance between acceptance and rebellion?
I've performed more times than I can count in friendships and also in relationships. Oh my God. I have performed so much in relationships. I have felt that I needed to be a certain way to keep my partner. I have felt that I needed to be hyper-masculine and alpha and chin-line chiseled in order to keep a person that, honestly, I just kept around because I didn't want to be alone.
I didn't even like them. I just didn't want to be alone. It really makes you think about why we act the way that we do. And it makes you really ponder if there is a middle ground. Can both be true? Can you accept some of the things that people say about you because you actually believe in them too and they feel genuine and they feel like an extension of who you want to be?
Chapter 5: Why do we change who we are for relationships?
And can you also rebel against the ones that are just plain wrong? Both can be true. They can be. But it's a hard thing to grapple with because you really have to do an internal dialogue. And you have to ask yourself what is a performance and what is genuine. And how are you supposed to know that? Who teaches you that? Nobody teaches you that.
Nobody's taught me that of what is actually me and what isn't me. And let alone, like, there have been so many moments in my life where I was feeling immense discomfort with who I was. I was feeling immense discomfort with my life, the surroundings around me. I was not happy. I felt complacent. I felt as if everything didn't have a meaning to me. But it was because it wasn't real.
None of my life was really mine. I was just on a stage performing, doing a little dance, doing a little, hey, hey, hey, hey. That's all I was doing for other people the entire time. And it really took me reflecting in a relationship that I had with a partner that I thought was very, very pretty. I got into this relationship because I was physically attracted to them and I thought that
Just all I needed to do was secure the good-looking partner and that was gonna solve everything because that's what everyone tells you It's like all just you know, get someone that's good-looking. That's all that matters Brother no, that's not all that matters and I was quickly brought into the reality when you know, I Had to go on a date I Went up to this person I complimented them.
I'm like, let me take you out to eat. You know what I'm saying? Unks got a spot, not Chili's, but Unks got a spot. And so we went and the fear of losing this potential person that I had told all my friends about that I had made a big commotion about and like, yo, I'm going on this date and this girl's so hot. You know what I'm saying? Like it made me lock in. But not in showing who I was.
It made me lock in in performing for that other person. I did everything right. I told her everything she wanted to hear. I listened to everything carefully. I dissected everything. And there came a point, funny enough, you know, after a few months where I reflected onto that first date and I realized that Dude, I was not being genuine. I wasn't.
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Chapter 6: What is the impact of fear on our authenticity?
I was doing everything except be myself because I was scared. I was scared. And it's so weird because, you know, right now, I'm at the Paramount Theater in beautiful Austin, Texas. I have gone in front of 1,200 people this weekend, and I've announced beautiful films that have been created by the Creator Camp cohort. If you know, you know. You should check them out. But I also felt a lot of fear.
And I still performed. I still went out there. But this was different. This was different than the time I had performed out of fear and instead of following my intuition and just showing up as me, I decided I was going to dance around and try to be the ideal boyfriend. That didn't exist. This is a different context, but it's kind of similar.
I had a similar dilemma when it came to hosting this film festival. I thought, what, what do they want from like, what do they want me to do? How can I be like the best host? How can I do the best thing? How can I show myself and prove that I am worthy? I had a fear of embarrassing myself, of making a grave mistake. But this time I realized that I've gotten to this place because of who I am.
Because of how I interact with the world around me. And in that same moment where in the past I would have been so quick to try to turn everything and make everything perfect about myself so there were no flaws, I approached this pivotal moment in my life with that same grace as I would approach just being myself on the first date. I wish I was myself.
Chapter 7: How can embracing our true self lead to fulfillment?
And now seeing how it pays off to be yourself and how it pays off to just be honest about I've realized that I'm not performing. This is me. This is entirely me. And I'm very, very proud of myself for that. Maybe you feel right now, like you've had to perform a lot in your relationships, in your relationship to your parents. Oh my goodness. There's so much performing there.
Maybe you feel like you've had to keep people happy in your life because... You don't want to let people down. It's a huge thing for me. I hate letting somebody down. Knowing that I could have done a better job. Knowing I had things I could leave on the table and I just... I messed it up. I want you to really ask yourself... You know...
Are you being fair to the people that you feel like you need to perform to? Is that really what they're asking for? Because I think that that girl at that coffee shop, she wasn't asking for me to perform to her. She just wanted to know if we were a good match. I think... to certain family members in my life. They didn't want me to be perfect. They just wanted me to be.
Chapter 8: What are the challenges of being ourselves in relationships?
And maybe your situation is different. Maybe You have people in your life that want you to be a certain way and they see you doing something that is very genuine and very, very beautiful and feels authentic to you as a threat to them because they could never do it. Because they never believed in themselves enough to do it. It's a complicated situation. It's a weird one.
But maybe they're not meant to support you in that way. Maybe they just don't understand it. It's just not something that they can do for you. It's trying to chase approval, but there's no approval to be given. The person that would give you that approval, they're simply not worth your time. And at that point, are you performing anymore?
no no you're showing up as yourself simple as that you're like somebody in the crowd just watching life enjoying it and we don't do that enough man i i it's crazy i've had a really really wild month um i had a a passing in my family You know, I have had so many changes within a span of weeks. Hit my line. No hotline bling. You used to call me on the cell phone. Not like that. Hit my line.
And what it's really made me realize in all of that is You know, no matter what happens, no matter what my lowest low is and what my highest high is, like the people that support me, the people that come to me and they are able to give me that love and care when I most need it, they love me because I am myself to them and I give myself to them. What? You know what I mean. You know what I mean.
I just am me. And that is all I try to be. But sometimes it is cool to perform. Sometimes it's actually a lot of fun. You get to pretend you're somebody that you're not. You get to, you know, build yourself up in your mind as somebody that is way more suave. has more aura than you would like to admit. And that's cool. There is something to be said about faking it till you make it, you know?
Why not? But also, you know, at the same time, it's like you really miss out on so many opportunities and so many things in your life when you put out a version of you that isn't you. Because all you attract in are things that are trying to match that energy. They're trying to, you know, match what you're giving out. That's how it works.
And oftentimes if you're putting out a version of yourself that let's be completely honest, you're not too proud of. Yeah. People might come into your life with not the best intentions. Things might happen that are rough. And they will happen regardless. It's, you know... Listen. It's like a random seed generator in Minecraft, bro. Sometimes the seed will be completely different.
And for one person, they get diamonds in every ravine that they go to. And for another person, they can only find coal. That's how life works. But it doesn't mean you can't still mine. It doesn't mean you can't still get things... Get opportunities. Maybe you got to move to a new bio. Maybe you got to try something new in a new place.
Maybe you need to stop performing and you need to start showing up as you. And it will not be fun. It will be very scary because you will have to be vulnerable and you will have to admit your shortcomings and you will have to be honest about who you are. Yeah, 100%.
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