one bad apple can ruin an entire orchard, but that's only if we assume that the rest of the batch is spoiled. there is someone meant for you. https://linktr.ee/thezurkieshow
Chapter 1: Why do people fear getting hurt in relationships?
I was afraid of being hurt again. I didn't want to be hurt again. Who wants to be hurt? Maybe some of you like that, but I don't like it. I'm sorry they didn't see your worth. I'm sorry that they were an idiot. I'm sorry that they didn't understand how good they had it and instead they threw it down the drain.
I'm sorry that you felt emotions towards this person that you haven't felt towards anybody else. But what they did in return is they said, well, I don't really care. They disrespected you. They made you feel a type of way because, listen, I'm sorry because I've been there. I've been there. I've been on the receiving end of that. I've been the person doing that. And we all have.
I remember I used to have a lot of anger, a lot of resentment towards dating, towards people who I thought I was meant to be with. And it was because of a relationship I had in the past that created this resentment, that created this like lens to which I viewed the world. And I kind of want to address it. Because the truth is a lot of us have given up. We've given up on dating.
Chapter 2: How does past trauma affect future relationships?
We've given up on trying to find somebody because it feels literally impossible. It feels crazy. People feel crazy. But I think the reason that we feel this way is because we are harboring a lot of emotions from past relationships that in hindsight were bad. And we knew that they were bad. But we did them anyways because why not? Because you got to go. You got to do it.
I want you to remember going forward that they were a bad apple. The person who did you dirty, the person who manipulated you, who you can come up with a list of things that they did, they were just bad. Let's admit it. They were not good. And you look back and you're like, how did I even allow this? And you did because we're human.
And I don't want to go on a date with somebody who's giving me attention. That sounds awesome. Even if they're kind of controlling and it's a little bit weird. But hey, I'm going to let that slide. We're having a great time. Woohoo! They were a bad apple. They were a person who was not good. Not good for you. And maybe that person is what's holding you back now. Maybe you've created this illusion.
This projector. that because one person treated you this way, your frame of reference is telling you that every person going forward will treat you that way. Maybe you have taken your feelings of resentment and disrespect and anger and you've projected them onto a whole group of people. All girls are the same. rest in peace, juice world.
Chapter 3: What does it mean when someone is a 'bad apple'?
But like, maybe you have taken your insecurity of wanting to not be hurt again and to defend yourself. You have started to not trust good things, good people, and you've mixed it up. And I think that this is happening because I went through this. I went through this.
I had some really rough relationships and in return, well, because that relationship was with this person, that means these kind of people are all bad. Every single one of them. And I did that because I was trying to protect myself. I was afraid of being hurt again. I didn't want to be hurt again. Who wants to be hurt? Maybe some of you like that. But I don't like it.
I would rather spend that time enjoying myself with the other person. Watching Squid Game, season two. You know, but like... Who would want to be hurt? Being hurt sucks. It sucks. Everything about it sucks. The fact that you give them so much of you, you open yourself up, and they just disregard it. And for some of us, we thought we were one of a few, but it turned out we were one of many.
And the way that they treated us, they were just a bad apple. They were a bad apple. And it doesn't mean that everyone is going to do that. But it's hard to believe that because if you've been hurt time and time again, if you feel like, dude, every person I'm with, every hinge date I go on, it's just the same thing. Yeah. Valid.
But these experiences that we have with people, they're not a end-all be-all. It is really detrimental to yourself if you label everyone as the same. If you tell yourself that all a potential partner is going to do is they're going to want to screw me over. They're going to want to take everything I have. They're going to want to manipulate me. Just smacked me in the face. They were a bad apple.
They were a bad apple. That person that mistreated you and didn't see your worth and just walked all over you, they were a bad apple. And honestly, they don't deserve you. They don't deserve you. And the only way that you cope with this is if you understand that point and now you know what to look out for. Because think about it.
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Chapter 4: How can we identify red flags in relationships?
Think about any relationship you've ever had that has kind of like soured out in the end. You noticed the red flags. They were always there. It's just sometimes we ignore them. Why? Because being in a relationship is awesome. When things are good, it's awesome. It's so fun. Happy, happy, happy. It's so fun.
But the minute it begins to crumble, which if you are in a non-sustainable relationship that is codependent and the other person is walking all over you and you're being like, oh, well, this is what it's supposed to be like, I guess. And all of your friends are telling you, no, you need you need like time for yourself. You need boundaries. And you're like, well, I'm in love.
You will look back and realize, oh, dang. Yeah, the red flags were there, weren't they? And that's okay. Dude, I have famously ignored red flags. I had people in my corner telling me, yo, bro, really? Okay, I don't think this is a good idea. And I'd be like, they don't understand me. They don't get me. Wait, they don't love me like I love me. Wait, they don't love them like I love them.
But in the end, they were right. In the end, they were right. And you have two options now. If you don't want that to happen again, if you don't want to get hurt, you have to control all that you can control. You have to spend more time getting to know somebody. Ask the questions that you're like, that's a little uncomfortable, but I want them to like me. I wouldn't ask that. Ask that question.
Chapter 5: What should we learn from our past relationships?
Because if they give you a weird answer and you guys aren't dating, red flag. Because think about it, when you two are dating and you're together and all of a sudden it's deep, it's gonna be a weird conversation, isn't it? It's gonna be too late. So you have to be honest and you have to see like, okay, who is my partner? A lot of us don't even know who our partner is. We have no idea.
We just go on a couple dates and people say, I ship it. I ship it. And you're like, okay, I guess. But you don't know if you align. You don't know if that person, they want the same thing as you. How many people do you know who they are madly in love with the other person? It's like OTP. But the other person, they're not looking to commit right now. And has it ever ended well?
Has it ever been like, oh, yeah, they ended great. They ended on mutual terms. No, never, never, never, never. And who knows? Maybe that's a bad apple. Maybe I'm projecting. That's my anecdotal experience. But just make sure you and your significant other are on the same page. That's all. But it's tough. Why would you trust somebody? Why would you trust anybody after your trust has been broken?
Why would you open yourself up in that same way? It's because now you know how to deal with it and now you know that there is strength in the way you are able to deal with that again. Because you have experienced it. The first time always is the one that hurts the most. And then after a while, you notice the patterns and you're like, okay. Okay, they're not texting me back.
Okay, this is probably going to go this way. All right, that's fine. It's cool. On to the next. They were a bad apple. Cool. You don't want to spend time with me? Great. It's fine. I'm going to move somewhere else. It's fine. Because you're going to go through so many relationships. You will. It's not a fairy tale. It's not you're going to meet somebody at the airport. No.
You're going to go through a lot of different people. You're going to go on a lot of first dates. You're going to meet some people who you're like, why did I even entertain this? You're also going to meet people that right person, wrong time. Absolutely. But the minute you let the bad apple spoil the entire orchard, it's done. It's over. You won't be able to trust anybody.
You won't be able to be vulnerable to anybody. And you've got to take accountability for it. Because it's no way to live life. I lived in fear of dating, fear of relationships for the last decade.
three years of my life because I took the bad apple and I said the entire orchard is that way therefore I'm not apple picking this season thank you very much and I did that on repeat why because I was comfortable not because I studied because I was comfortable it's easy to do that it's easy to just I'm gonna shut down I'm gonna be stoic it's easy to do that but we gotta live
And sometimes if living means getting hurt, you have to live. You have to. How are you expecting to know when a person is right for you? If you have, you just shut yourself off. How? If you want to get a certain signal, you want to attract a certain frequency and you just cut off your antenna, how are you going to get that? You never will. You never will.
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