listen to how you feel. don't let yourself be gaslit into thinking things are fine when they are not. it's a good sign it's not for you. https://linktr.ee/thezurkieshow
Chapter 1: What is a situationship?
Do I have permission to talk about a situationship? Yes? Let's do it. I was in a situationship once. Twice. Kidding! I'm not that much of a player. Come on. I love having a relationship and You know, getting to know somebody. But a situationship is awesome because it's basically renting a partner.
It's basically, you know, having somebody, pretending, you know, cosplaying, roleplaying that of being in a relationship, but you just don't commit to each other because, eh, you don't really like them enough to commit to them. You get what I'm saying? And in this situationship, I... Had a feeling that I wasn't wanted. Which was weird. I never had that feeling.
I thought, you know, most of the time when I was with people that I was worthy. And it was a big thing to like fight for the worth of being, you know, wanted. And I don't know, I guess in this one, I really felt like this person maybe thought that me being with them was like a chore. It was like they were reporting for duty. And it made me feel really bad.
Chapter 2: How can you recognize if you're in a situationship?
I had questioned them a few times, like, do you even want to be with me? You know what I mean? Like, there's not a lot of intimacy being reciprocated here. And I just, I don't know. I, you know, I really like that. I think it's important. And, you know, every time we talked, we seemed to come out on the other side. And it seemed to be okay. And we seemed to have resolved everything.
But I knew deep down that we didn't. Like, I had a feeling that things were off. I had a feeling that I couldn't really trust what this person was telling me. And I didn't listen. And in the end, guess who was right? Me! Me! I was right. Vamos. But it really did reinforce something that I knew all along. And I don't know why I decided in this instance. No, no, no. Listen to your feelings.
Chapter 3: Why is listening to your feelings important?
Oh my goodness. Listen to your feelings. And today, I felt like wearing the Daft Punk shirt because last night I had a dream about you. In this dream, I'm dancing right beside you. Song three, Discovery, Digital Love by Daft Punk. If you've never listened to Discovery by Daft Punk, that is your homework from this episode. Listen to your feelings is also your homework.
Because there are a lot of people who, I don't know why, they have an intuition and inclination that something is wrong. Something is visibly wrong. And they find logic to back up the fact that, no, no, I'm being too pressing or I'm being too... No! No, you're not. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. There's a difference between making assumptions.
But if you feel that something is off, something is off. Something is off. Do not ignore that. Why would you ignore that? Like something is probably going on and you need to like talk about it like yesterday. And think about any time, you know, you've had something go wrong in like a relationship. You know, there are certain instances where you just get blindsided.
Chapter 4: What should you do if something feels off in a relationship?
You get, you know, in the face and you're like, what? But most of the time you can pinpoint when you look backwards. Oh, wait a minute. This person said that this was the, you know, guy I didn't have to worry about. This is the girl I didn't have to worry about. But I worried about them because I saw the vision. I saw what was going on. I'm not stupid.
And sometimes we just need to listen to our feelings and know that, okay, that's not normal. That doesn't feel good. Something about this feels very, very wrong. Hey, how you doing? There you go. Taking the walk? Nice, nice. Better safe than sorry. There you go. You listen to your feelings, you know. And there are certain fears I have.
I'm scared that I'll be in a relationship and the person will be cheating and I won't know about it and then I'll look like an idiot. But I'm not even afraid of the cheating aspect of the whole thing. I'm more afraid of the optics. And then I had to think to myself, if I'm... getting cheated on, you know, and I don't find out about it. Like, dude, life is life.
Like, you know, eventually they always find out. I promise you that. Okay. You can't, it just always, they always find out. I've never done it, but every friend I have who has, which I don't have many of those, they always, they always somehow find out that it's, and then you're on the phone till like 5am being like, bro, like, I don't know what else to tell you.
Chapter 5: How can past experiences shape your relationship fears?
You've got to face your consequences. You cheated, you cheated. You've got to apologize. I don't understand. I didn't think it was going to be a big deal. You didn't think it was going to be a big deal that you went behind your partner's back and you cheated on them. Really? That's like news to you. Okay, bro. Listen to your feelings. Listen to your feelings. How do you do this?
It's easy for me to just be like, Listen to what your intuition tells you. But how do you actually listen to your feelings and how do you know when to discern your feelings with actual fear? That might not be real. It might be created as a coping mechanism for maybe like a deeper internal problem.
For example, you might be afraid of talking to new people because internally you feel like you're not worthy enough or you feel like you're ugly. You've been led to believe that you're worthless and that no one's going to see worth in you when in reality you're probably a really chill person and somebody would love to have the privilege to learn who you are and learn more about you.
It's a very difficult thing. There isn't an easy answer. I don't think that there's like a, you know, oh, all you have to do is X and then Y will be true. Nuh-uh. Nuh-uh. But I think your feelings are at the underlying root of whatever thing it is that you're trying to reason with. They're the first thing to hit. It's like your first reaction, your first inclination.
And sometimes your feelings are wrong. Sometimes like your feelings are not right. And maybe they are working with a version of yourself that has yet to accept yourself, yet to do the work necessary to be more open, to be more loving, to be more okay with the way that life goes. And that's okay. That's fine. So I think that at the very least, you should acknowledge it.
You should acknowledge that you feel a certain way. You should acknowledge that you have a certain bias. You should acknowledge that you're afraid to get into a relationship or you're afraid to spend a bunch of money on something because money was always a problem growing up. Your family didn't have money and it's weird. And these feelings, you shouldn't try to mask them completely.
I think you should entertain them and you should at least hear them out. Hear them out. Because the contrary is there are people that let feelings rule their entire life and that, oh my gosh. Ooh, that's, that's a rough one, bro. That's a rough one because there's no reason and there's no change because, well, I feel this. So that is, that is the fact. And it's like, oh my gosh, dude.
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Chapter 6: What steps can you take to understand your feelings better?
All I, all I asked was that maybe we don't have to go to a fast casual dining restaurant because I want to eat something else. Maybe we can spend like an extra $10 and have like a half decent meal, go get some Ethiopian food or something. I don't know. But like, why, why is it like, Oh my... Jeez. Alright, well go to Olive Garden. Fine. Fine. I don't care. But... You don't want to be like that.
Because I do think that feelings... They're easy. They're very easy to kind of like buy into and use them as fuel for an action. A quick action. Whereas... Acknowledging your feelings and being like, okay, I'm feeling this way. And then being like, why? It's so important. Why am I feeling this way? What is leading me to be anxious about this person that's in my life?
Why do I feel this kind of anxiety? What is pointing to this? Okay, I'm feeling anxious about this kind of person because... They haven't called me in a while. There's somebody who gets into these kind of moods where, you know, when they are struggling, they become nonverbal and they don't want to communicate that because they feel, you know, ashamed of that. I don't feel good about that.
I should do something about that. I should call them. Or, man, I'm really feeling aggravated right now. about everything that's going on in my life like you know my friend is like making fun of me and I just snap at them like a turtle you know why did I do that well I'm feeling aggravated why am I feeling aggravated well it's because I'm so just like overworked with myself.
I've put these standards on myself that I'm going to study for this exam this week and then I'm going to go apply for a bunch of internships and jobs. And like I haven't even given myself like a break. I've been on this overdrive for the last two months. And so I can't chill. I can't relax. Calm down, bro. I can't because I haven't even given myself the permission to do that.
Oh, wait, that's not good. It's actually really bad. And you know what? I might want to think about this and I might want to give myself a break because I don't want to be aggravated all the time. That came from listening to your feelings. You listened to it. That's all you did. You just listened to it. You went, okay, why do I not want to get up from bed? What's going on?
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Chapter 7: How do your feelings influence your actions in relationships?
Like, why is this such a challenge? Well, it's because I have to go and get started with the day and I really don't want to do that. Like, I really just don't want, I can't be asked to do that right now. For example, there was a period of my life where I didn't want to get out of bed when I would wake up in the morning. I just didn't want to start the day.
I feel like when you wake up and you look at the ceiling while you're laying in bed, it's kind of like the loading screen in Minecraft. You can pick single player or multiplayer.
would just be like leave me on there I'm enjoying it you know because sometimes the loading screen be five bro they'd be playing like a nice fire song and you know there's some nice stuff going on and I would be stuck in this you know title screen of you know my day because I didn't want to face the realities of the day well why was that why did I feel this way
Well, it was because I was just, I was uncomfortable with who I was and I was uncomfortable with the fact that I had so much on my plate at that time and that I was, quite frankly, I was just sad. I was sad. There were a lot of really weird things going on at the same time in my life and I felt so lost. I felt so just depleted. And I felt, I was feeling guilty about it.
I was feeling guilty that I was feeling this way because I'm always, you know, I always try to be cheery. I always try to be happy, happy, happy, you know? And this was a moment in my life where I wasn't that way. And I was very much like, and
that moment i wish i had listened to that feeling a little bit more and been like there's no guilt there's no guilt in this why don't we just take a break why don't we just do some some chilling alone i'm glad i listened i went on a trip to go see one of my aunts um and it was it was awesome it was really really awesome to kind of uh go and And relax. I remember I went to Montana.
Beautiful Montana, bro. Underrated state. Go to Montana. Trust me, daddy. Yeah, Montana is beautiful. And during that time I got to just focus on being there. I got to take a break and I got to just like hang out. And I really needed that. I really needed to just hang out. And I wasn't able to do that at home, you know, and that was really, really impacting me.
And maybe, maybe that's what your feelings are telling you right now is that you don't want to be with other people all the time. You don't want to be socializing all the time. You just want to be by yourself. You know, you just want to focus in on the goals that matter to you and you just want to be consistent with the things that matter to you. And dude, that's, that's okay.
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Chapter 8: What are the consequences of ignoring your feelings?
Like, but come on, you never come out with us. You know what? I don't want to, you know, I really want to focus on listening to myself right now, listening to my feelings. And I really want to, you know, get over my last relationship. I really want to figure out where I want to live after I graduate. I really want to just figure myself out. I don't even know what I'm doing, you know?
Sometimes doing like a check-in of where you're at in your life is so powerful because you realize so many things that you genuinely like are not really happy with. And maybe you think you're happy with it, but when you just allow yourself to listen to your feelings and you don't just disregard them and you don't just throw them aside and be like, oh, I'm just a whatever. It's like whatever.
No, it's not whatever. It's never whatever. You get me? We talk a lot about being a good listener. But when was the last time we were a good listener to ourselves? Like when was the last time we really sat down and just like asked ourselves the same questions we would ask our best friend? Honestly, I can't even tell you when the last time that was in my own life. I used to journal a lot.
I used to be very consistent with it. I used to be checking in all the time. But I've even grown a little bit distant in my own relationship with my own feelings. And that's something that recently I've started to work very, very hard to get that back. And it's been nice. It's been really nice to know, you know what, dude? It's fine. It's fine that I...
didn't do all of these things I wanted to get done today but why did I choose to lay in bed what caused that what was the emotion that caused me to look for that that thing that vice what is what is stressing me out what are the underlying things that are causing these emotions And I don't think that you need to be stoic all the time. I don't think that you need to be, you know, all the time. No.
Emotions are a part of the human experience. No, like after a breakup, you shouldn't feel that way. You should be like so happy because that person's out of your life. No, you should be sad. You should be sad. Why? Because you went through a breakup. So you should be sad. And you should deal with being sad. Because that is normal. I let emotions flow. If I'm feeling upset, I try to find why.
If I'm feeling happy, I also try to find why. Because I want to feel happy more. And if being happy means, you know... eating a Shipley's donut I'm gonna do it every day no no but if being happy means spending time with people that I find interesting doing things that excite me then I'm gonna do more of that I want to do more of that
In a similar vein, though, I don't think you need to be happy all the time. I just want to be content, you know? I just want to wake up and feel like my day has a purpose to it. And I want there to be a challenge. I want there to be stress. I want there to be problems that I get to solve because that afterwards is always worth it.
It's beautiful when you lay down in bed and at the end of the day and you feel like you accomplished something. Even if what you accomplished was making your bed, you did that. You did that. Even if what you accomplished was, you know, cleaning your room, you did that. So listen to your feelings. Take more stock of your feelings. Understand, especially when you have a repetition of feelings.
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