we miss out on opportunties in our lives because we assume the worst. why not give yourself the benefit of the doubt. maybe... it's meant to be. https://linktr.ee/thezurkieshow
Chapter 1: What happens if you don't ask for what you want?
But if you don't ask, the answer is always no. They will forever be no. It's easy to tell somebody, if you want to just talk to somebody, talk to them. If you want to do something, just do it. No Nike. And it's hard to accept that as a piece of advice because it sounds ridiculous. It sounds too easy.
Chapter 2: Why is asking important in achieving your dreams?
There should be some kind of complex formula of like, okay, if you want to talk to someone, you need to approach them this way. You need to ask them X, Y, and Z question. I really understood the simplicity of this kind of advice when I had an older gentleman approached me at the gym, which is, you know, people dream of like their gym crush approaching them at the gym.
I dream of old people approaching me because they always have the most goaded stories and the best pieces of advice. And this guy approached me and told me, listen, I want to tell you something. I need to tell you something. And I'm like, dude, I don't even know you. Like, all right, but yes, you need to tell me something. So you need to. And he says,
if you ever have some kind of thing, a desire, something you want to do, man, you can't wait for other people to get that for you. And I'm like, dude, yeah. Okay. Is the sky blue? Like, yeah, obviously. He says, no, no, no, no, no, no. Sometimes we think that other people have the keys to our own journey. And I thought he was going to be like, but the truth is no, it's all in your hands.
But he says, no, they do. They do. I'm like, all right, bro, you're losing me. I'm on set number three of four in deep squats. I need to finish this because I hate leg day. I want to leave. And he's like, OK, bear with me. I'm going to tell you a story. My lifelong dream was to go and see one of my favorite celebrities car collections. That's all I've ever wanted to do ever.
And I didn't know how I was going to do it, but I never gave up on that dream. I knew that maybe somehow I'd be able to have it, you know, happen to me. And then one day he got a ring from one of his really good friends in Los Angeles. And he said, hey, I'm going to be on the set of your favorite celebrities show. And the guy says, oh, my gosh, no way.
And he says, I'd be happy to bring you along, like, come along. You love this guy. You know, you get to meet him. It'd be nice, you know. So I went there. And I knew in the back of my mind, I wanted to ask him one question. I'm like looking at him like, bro, like this is, this is crazy. Like, did you ask him? And he says, I did. I did ask him.
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Chapter 3: How can we overcome the fear of asking?
I shook his hand and I said, Hey, can I see that car collection of yours? Can I just get a peek at it? Like, you know, is that okay? And before he could respond, I said, you know what? Forget about it. Forget that I asked. Bro, you fumbled so hard. I don't know how you did that. I felt bad for the guy. I really did. I've been there myself. He shot himself in the foot.
He literally had an opportunity and he took it away from himself. He pulled up. shot for three, and before the ball could even leave his hands, he just threw it away. He threw it out of bounds. And I remember he looked at me and he said, if you ever want something, don't do what I did. Just ask him. Just ask him. And leave it at that. Don't overcomplicate it.
Don't try to, you know, talk your way out of it. Just ask them and see what they will say. And I couldn't help but feel really compelled by his message because how many times do we really ask somebody something that we want, something that we desire? Not much. We often think that our dreams and our goals are so much further away than they actually are. That's our brain talking.
Chapter 4: What lessons can we learn from others' experiences?
We're probably a couple people away from the person that we want to talk to. We're probably a DM away from a relationship. Who knows? Hey, it go down in the DM. It go down. It go down in the DM. But before we're in that position, before we're in front of the person we idolize asking if we could have five minutes of their time to just pick their brain, we don't do it. We don't just ask them.
We overcomplicate it and we make it into a whole thing. And that conversation really hit me hard. It really did because there have been so many times where I would be like, would you go on a date with me? And then I'd be like, oh, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I wasn't kidding. I wasn't kidding. I was serious. But instead of backing it up, I talked myself down. I talked myself down from it.
Chapter 5: Why is confidence crucial when asking for opportunities?
And what I have learned now is that Confidence comes from standing by your question. It's when you just ask them and you don't try to overcomplicate it. You just see what they say. You wait for a response. It comes from knowing whatever the answer is does not matter because what matters is you just ask them. And at first I want to say, right, this is mainly for relationships.
You want to ask out your crush, you just ask them. You don't try to be like, oh, you know, I'm just kidding. Like, no, I'm not. No. You stick by it. But it also goes... for opportunities, for putting yourself out there. A lot of us are graduating and going into a world, a job market that is so uncertain. It is insanely uncertain. I have friends who to this day don't have a job out of college.
And I'm not saying this to scare you. I'm saying that there's a good chance that your degree ain't going to be enough. It's just not. You will have to become crafty of how you get a job, of who you know, who you ask. And for some reason, there's this weird humility of reaching out to people who went to the same school as you. You know, people who are in positions you want to be in.
And just asking to have like 10, 15 minutes of their time. And asking, hey, do you have any... internships available, any jobs available. It's so crazy the amount of people that I know who they don't do that because they're afraid of how they're going to look when the reality is most of those people were in your shoes once.
All of those people were once your age trying to get a job out of college. Most of those people were just like you and they just want to know. I reached out to a lot of people before I went to school at UGA just asking, hey, what is it like here? I need to know because I have no idea. And I just asked them. Some of them got back to me. Most of them didn't.
But the ones that did get back to me, they were like, hey, you should do this club. Hey, you should talk to this person. They know a lot more than I do. But if we don't even allow ourselves to ask the question and we automatically create this thing, this monster in our mind that says, no, no, it's not going to happen, then of course not. But it really just comes down to asking.
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Chapter 6: How can asking change your job search process?
Like, a lot of the things that we want in our lives, they're just behind this, like, imaginary wall of social... I don't even know, like, social norms? Yeah. They're behind an imaginary paywall of social norms. And we think, oh, well, I can't ask that person that. No, you can. Now, okay, hold on.
Chapter 7: What barriers do social norms create in our asking?
Don't ask them maybe what their social security number is or like what they do when they go home or where do they live. There are certain things that maybe you shouldn't ask people. Yes. But if the question is, could I get 10, 15 minutes of your time? Could we go get coffee? I just want some guidance. You'd be so surprised as to what kind of relationships you can form.
And I have to take some of that advice. Dude, I live in Austin, Texas. I moved here. And there are people that, like, I would love to, you know, talk to and meet. And I'm just, like, afraid to reach out. When in reality, like, dude, if I send a DM and I get seen and, you know, they don't respond to me, who cares? Like, okay, on to the next. Just ask them. What's the worst?
What is the worst thing that can happen is that you don't get a response. Which, dude, if you've applied to colleges, okay, or you've applied to jobs, dude, some jobs don't even get back to you. Ever. You won't even get like a, you know, an email saying, oh, you weren't a good fit. They just will ghost you. That's a part of it. That's a part of it.
So don't let that be the controlling factor of like, well, I've reached out to so many people. Maybe you've got to change the approach. Maybe the people that you're reaching out to, it's not meant to be. Those aren't the people that are going to take you to the place that you want to go. Simple as that. And it's a hard thing. It's a hard thing because I'm afraid of rejection.
Nobody likes rejection. And going back to that old man in the gym, the last thing he told me was, if you don't ask, the answer is always no.
We can do everything that comes. Das Handwerk.
If you don't ask, the answer is always no. And I, of course, of course it is. You will never know if you don't ask. And I personally would rather exist in that limbo of when you ask a question and you don't know what the response is and it's like it could be yes, it could be no. I would rather exist in that space of knowing I had asked the question than just assuming it was a no.
And I've got to get better at that. There are so many people I want to reach out to, you know, online or in person that I just haven't because I'm afraid of rejection. I'm afraid, well, what if they say no? But like, you will get hundreds of no's in your life. You will get hundreds of no's, if not thousands. Have you tried applying for a job? That's like...
If you apply to a job, you'll get like 50 no's, man. Those applications are ruthless. You fill out so much about yourself only to get like, oh, well, we've decided to go with another candidate. Sorry, bro. They didn't even look. They didn't look. There's no way they looked through like, you know, 700 applications on LinkedIn. Come on. Crazy. But if you don't
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