I apologize. I want to do better, but I need to let my actions speak. Love you guys, sending love and peaaaaaace. https://linktr.ee/thezurkieshow
Chapter 1: What led to the host's rock bottom?
What is so good about making yourself feel worse for something that you already made a mistake on? What is the benefit of that? Today I spiraled into a rock bottom and it happened in a matter of hours, in a matter of minutes, and I am now recovering from it in thought and I am trying to figure things out, but I am convinced that this is my sign to change.
Chapter 2: Why is change often painful?
And for a lot of us, maybe we want to change. It is a thought in our minds that sounds good. Oh man, I would love to actually take my finances seriously. Oh man, I would love to get rid of that toxic partner. Oh man, that sounds great. But it sounds great. And the action of change is painful. It is so painful. But if you don't do anything about it, it will repeat.
Chapter 3: How does a lack of routine affect personal well-being?
For a while now, I've been struggling with my routine. I'm someone who really likes having routine. Even though I'm sporadic in the way that I work, I like having some kind of structure I can follow. And that structure began to slowly be destroyed when I got back home to Austin after being in Colorado for a little bit.
And what I found was instead of building my routine up and filling it with things that were interesting and things that I liked and also things I enjoy working on, what I did instead when I got back here was work became the to-do thing and I didn't build any kind of structure to support it. So the first day back, I was kind of like, oh, well, okay, I got a race to make something today.
Chapter 4: What happens when self-respect is compromised?
Then the second day back, the same thing happened, and then the same thing happened, and then the same thing, same thing, same thing. I just didn't give myself any respect. And it wasn't affecting my work. I was able to pull it off. I was like a magician, you know, pulling a bunny out of a hat. Whoa, how'd he do that? But In reality, I was suffering.
In reality, I was being just very disrespectful to myself and I was waiting for the day that it would seep into what I give to you. The Zerky Show fam. Because you are very sacred to me. I care a lot about you. But my actions right now don't show that.
This chair in the corner and the shed don't show that because someone who takes pride in their show, they would make sure that the background was fire. And instead, because of my own volition and my own mismanagement, this is what I'm forced to do. And I am, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. This is not fair to you. But I have an agreement that I come and I make the show.
And I have an agreement that I'd be authentic. At the very least, I try to show that I'm human, man. And I'm going to make a change. Because this is embarrassing for me. I don't feel good about it. And maybe there's something in your life that you know you're having a struggle with, a problem with. And you're telling yourself, I really want to change. I really want to make a difference.
Chapter 5: How can procrastination become a trap?
But you just haven't had a moment to where it has affected other people around you or it has affected you really negatively. And I'm urging you to catch yourself before that happens. But for a lot of us, we'll get away with it. So we won't want to catch ourselves because it's working. It's kind of like that habit of procrastination. For me, I could bang out a, you know, 11-page paper in a day.
I've done that. I wrote in college a paper about that I was supposed to write the entire semester with citations. And I did it within, you know, a day. Turned it in at 11.31 p.m. when it was due at 11.59. And it worked out. It was fine. I survived. But I felt dirty. I felt really dirty about it because I knew that it was my own volition that happened.
And listen, I mean, hey, like you got to find the thing that works for you. Like maybe you're not somebody who likes working with a deadline super close. Maybe you actually need that time. Maybe you're the opposite and you actually thrive when you're under pressure. But there are certain problems that are kind of like. very, very personal to us and they're very secretive.
I know that a lot of people deal with addictions that they're not public about. A lot of people are ashamed of certain things, certain aspects about their personal life. And I'm ashamed of my sleep schedule and of my work schedule because it's not, it's not good. And I know that. I know that.
And if you feel like you know these things are affecting you negatively, you have to make a change before it's too late. And before it creeps into your life. You know? Because it will repeat. Like, you know, one time it happens...
you know you can get away with it after that it's wraps it's over man like it's like a you know a bug in a video game like once people know that there's a glitch that you can get infinite diamonds on like a minecraft server oh i'm exposing that like you're just gonna keep coming for more and it's the same thing if like if you find out that you can you know just like skirt by by
What is your incentive to actually build some kind of structure and keep a promise to yourself that, no, this time I'm not going to procrastinate. This time I'm actually going to look out for myself. I'm going to go to bed on time. I'm going to treat myself like an adult and I'm going to focus on that. You don't have that. You don't have that because you're getting away with it.
And maybe somebody needs to see this. To be like, dang. Oh, unks? Unks in the trenches? Yeah, I'm in the trenches. This is what happens when you don't catch yourself early. You have to sit, you know, next to a broken chair in a shed. Which is awesome, actually. Maybe that's cool. No, but... It's gonna repeat. Like, you're...
problem will continue to repeat if you do not put some kind of process into play of how to catch yourself before you go there. I deal with this stuff, man. I deal with addictions. I deal with negative self-hatred. I deal with, you know, the dark sides of being a human being. I deal with it every day. Every day. There are certain things I have learned to...
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Chapter 6: What are effective strategies for overcoming negative habits?
I'm making it future Zerky's problem. I don't want to do that because I'm already going to have a stressful day. I might as well have all the energy for that day. So you know what? I'm going to go to sleep. If I'm feeling like, oh, you know, I'm feeling super overwhelmed. Maybe my go to to cope with that. I know what my go to is. I go on a scroll binge and I'm just like, you know.
And if I catch myself and I'm like, okay, hold on. Why am I scrolling? It's because I'm overwhelmed. Okay. I need to relax. I got to go for a walk. I need to find something to cope with this. I need to call a friend. I just need to kind of relax because it's a flurry. It's like in the moment, in the moment it is, you know, your problem grabs you and is like, Listen, listen, listen.
Chapter 7: Why is self-awareness important in managing personal challenges?
I need dopamine. I need this. I need this. And you have to look at your problem as this like monster that's grabbing you and be like. Chill with that. Relax. It's not easy. It's not an easy thing. And you're going to have to experiment with the solutions because what works for one person and, you know, they treat it as gospel is not going to work for somebody else. It's just not.
We are all individual people with individual needs and we're all different. So you can try these things and see maybe this works for you. But there's a good chance that you have to find like the key to your own problems. It's like, you know, it's like a bunch of different apartment doors. Not one key is going to open all of them. Well, maybe, if you're the landlord.
Don't forget to tip your landlord. Kidding! Kidding. You will have to be very patient with that. And I think that my solution right now to my problem of staying up late, of not having a good kind of sleep schedule, is I... I don't have the structure the next day. And I put way too much on my plate. I think like, oh, you know, in an ideal world, I could ideally do this. When... No, I can't.
Like if my, if I had a boss and he told me, Hey, you're going to film five videos today. I'd be like, hold on, wait a minute. Not happening. You crazy. I'm going to film one and then I'm going to edit it that day. And that's like, if you're lucky, not the rapper lucky who has goaded, but you know, um, so that's been the problem is I just over load the next day. And when it comes to
going to bed and going to sleep, I'm like already overwhelmed with the next day because I'm like, well, I have to do all this stuff today. And on top of just like normal life stuff, errands, you know, bills that you got to pay. So it's like that kind of just compounds and stacks. And then when I wake up, I don't want to get out of bed because I have so much to do.
When instead, I should be meeting myself where I'm at and be like, okay, let's not try to be OD with it. Let's see what the minimum is. What is the minimum for me to have a good day that's sustainable that I can repeat on the daily? And it's so crazy. I'm like now talking about it and I'm just like, why am I? I'm overcomplicating it. I'm overcooking it.
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Chapter 8: How can individual solutions work for different people?
I'm trying to do way too much and I'm not focusing on like, okay, what is fair? I'm being just like unfair to myself. And I think maybe a lot of us are unfair to ourselves because we do not see ourselves as another person. Because think about it, if you were planning all of these things for someone else to do, you wouldn't give them 50 things to do in one day.
You'd be like, whoa, dude, do like 5 to 10 and that's good. You're chilling. And that's what's causing all of this anxiety in my life and I guess all this pressure is I'm not giving myself room to breathe. I'm just putting so much on my plate. And I find that when you lower the pressure... you're able to do more, like, naturally.
You're like, oh, like, hey, took care of what I needed to take care of today. Let me just, like, do more so I can, you know, be ahead. But when you don't do that, like, and you start to fall behind mentally, oh my goodness, then it's just like... It's like a domino, bro. It's like a Rue Goldberg. You guys know about a Rue Goldberg machine?
It's like those machines that like a marble goes and hits a can and the can hits a bunch of dominoes. They fall over and then a race car goes. If you get a chance and you know you want to break from the ads, bro, tap into a Rue Goldberg compilation. It's so cool. It's also just like very nice. It's like brain numbingly nice.
It's kind of like those satisfying compilations, you know, with like the soap cutting. Oh my, bro, soap cutting used to be like my guilty pleasure. I love that. Or like slime. Dude, come on. You don't think Unk was tapped into slime? Unk was tapped in deep. I just liked watching it. I never actually like made slime stuff. Anyways, treat yourself like a human.
Look at it from a third perspective, because I had a moment today where I was I was really like just getting down on myself. Like I I'd left the house. I was like, OK, I'm going to go to this location. I'm going to go film. And then it's like rush hour traffic. And I'm like, what am I? I messed up. It's over. I'm done. I'm cooked. It's done.
And in that moment, I really reflected because I started going down the spiral of like, man, I'm such an idiot. I'm such a like, I can't get anything right. I'm really dumb. And then I was like, would I treat someone else this way? Would I say that to somebody else if they were being vulnerable with me and they were saying, listen, I'm messing up. I'm not doing good. No, I wouldn't.
Would you do that to somebody else? I hope not. I hope not. If that's your friend, bro. No, you wouldn't. Why do we treat ourselves with less respect than we do other people? Why is that? What is so good about... making yourself feel worse for something that you already made a mistake on. What is the benefit of that?
And catching this now can really, really help with how you're going to approach other problems in your life. Because if you can't straighten out the relationship with yourself, how do you expect to be able to function in relationships with other people? How? So I'm realizing what the problem is. And maybe you have realized now, dang, man, that thing that I kind of laugh off with the homies.
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