I used to love toxicity. I loved when I didn't get a text back because I was being ignored or punished. I loved hearing my partner beg me to stay. isn't love supposed to be something you can feel? or is that just something we tell ourselves to cope with our bad choices...all of that chasing led me to a path of self destruction, until I found myself at ground zero. if this is your ground zero, I ask you to keep an open mind.you deserve better, you deserve to be you, you can change.love you, peaaaaaaaaaace!!!https://linktr.ee/thezurkieshow
What does it feel like to be in a toxic situationship?
When you are in a toxic situationship, relationship, whatever, friendship, it's kind of like you are fighting for somebody's attention. You are fighting for somebody to like you back. And it's a high that you just... You have to experience it to understand it. I remember when I had told a friend of mine that I was going to entertain the situationship and he's like, why are you doing this?
Like, this is bad. You know this is bad. You went through a home wrecking situationship before and now you're just going back to it. And I kind of like reflected on that and I was like,
I just want to have fun and he was like you're gonna have fun and then you're going to complain to me again because that's always how it goes and I was I was dumbfounded like I really didn't know what to say and I remember he was kind of wrapping up the the topic with me and
he asked me, you know, Zerky, I just want you to ask yourself next time you're going to end up in this situation where you are upset, you knew it was a bad idea, and you did it, is that enough? And I was like, well, if it means, you know, having a shawty, I don't think it's enough. We got to keep going. Or do we? Because after that, I had to stop dating for a while.
I had to stop being intimate for a while because a lot of the things that I experienced in that were, they weren't okay. And I felt hurt. And that conversation with my friend really, really hit me. Is that enough? Is this my sign to change? I had no choice. I had to. I was just... I was... I was afraid... Of going back to that. It wasn't even I was afraid. I was just done.
I was done with going into something and entertaining something that just had no structure to it. And I knew that I was being used and we were both using each other. I just didn't... I had such a visceral feeling after that whole thing had ended with this person that I just was like, I never want to do that again. There's no part of me that wants to do that again. Now, have I...
gone back to that in a certain sense? Yes, I think so. I've had other situations where similar things in that situationship were mimicked, right? But the good thing was I knew to catch them sooner because I was like, that was enough. I know how I should be treated. I don't want to be treated like that again. And it was on me.
It was me who had to hold myself accountable in order to make sure that that didn't repeat. And I think we need to ask ourselves this question because there is a romance to getting hurt. There is this kind of struggle that you like to go through that like, I'm in so much pain, but I love this person when really you're just lusting over them. There is that.
I'm not going to sit here and act like it's not one of the craziest feelings in the world. When you are in a toxic situationship, relationship, whatever, friendship, it's kind of like you are fighting for somebody's attention. You are fighting for somebody to like you back. And it's a high that you just... You have to experience it to understand it. And once you do, you realize that it's just...
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