Zerky
Appearances
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
When you are in a toxic situationship, relationship, whatever, friendship, it's kind of like you are fighting for somebody's attention. You are fighting for somebody to like you back. And it's a high that you just... You have to experience it to understand it. I remember when I had told a friend of mine that I was going to entertain the situationship and he's like, why are you doing this?
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
I got to change and I got to stop. I got to stop being so quick to get into things. I got to stop idealizing people. Oh my gosh, man. That's a whole can of worms. But we are so good at trying to make a person we're interested in seem like a shiny object. They seem like the World Cup and you want to be messy and kiss it and be like... When in reality, you don't know them.
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
You do not know a single thing about them. You are assuming everything about them. I remember the moment that made me change was when I visited my grandfather in Poland. He was in really poor health and it was kind of, it was raps. He was a shell of a human being and it was really, really hard for me to see that.
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
And I remember one night I went upstairs to the room I was staying in and I ordered two extra large pizzas just for me, proceeded to eat both of them, watch all of Squid Game in one sitting. I remember I went to the bathroom and I looked at myself and I was just like... Everything is out of whack and I'm treating my mind, I'm treating my body and myself... As if I'm disposable and I don't matter.
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
Not to mention, I mean... I was trying to cope with all the stress by... You know, tapping into certain media... It's not safe for work, let's put it that way. And that was also weighing heavy on my conscious. That moment when I locked eyes with myself in the mirror, it was the first time that I really saw what I was doing to myself. I really saw like, oh wow, I'm actually destroying myself.
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
I'm actually letting a lot of these things I can't control, control me. Completely. And instead of working with them and doing everything that I can, I'm just, well, it's over. I don't really care anymore. And I felt upset at myself. I did. I really did. But I also... I kind of felt like I saw myself for the first time. I saw who I was at that moment.
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
I wasn't like holding some kind of expectation and being upset that I wasn't at that expectation. I'm like, wait a minute, this is me. This is me. This is the point that I'm at. And I had been hurt a few times in relationships. I had tapped out. My self-image was destroyed in my mind of who I was once and That's when I asked myself the question. I was like, is that enough? Have I had enough?
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
This has sucked. I don't want whatever this is anymore. And I kind of nodded at myself. I'm like, yeah, this is enough. I think I'm done feeling sorry for myself. I think I'm done thinking that I'm trapped in this prison of comparison and self-doubt. I think I'm ready to change. Was it easy? Hell no! No, it's never easy. But am I proud of myself? And when I look back at that moment, do I smile?
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
I've been leading myself down such a destructive path. And I'm proud of you for realizing that because not a lot of people do. And the beauty in realizing that is you. You have so much possibility. to move in the way that you now want to, to figure out how you're going to define yourself, how you're going to build yourself up because you've, you've come to terms with it. Okay. Yeah.
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
I got a little bit of a problem here. Yeah. I don't have all the self validation that I need. Great. But you now have an opportunity to build that up, to find things that will build the evidence that you can believe in yourself. And that is such a special thing. And if you start that journey, one day you will look back at that moment and be so proud of yourself.
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
You will be so proud of yourself, Zerky Show! But first you gotta ask, is that enough? Because low-key, nobody be asking this. This is like, you know, the elephant in the room. Because I swear, some people, like, they just don't get enough. They can't get enough of the toxicity. And hey, I'm not one to judge, but... At least me and maybe you. I can't do too much of that.
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
Did you know that The Zerky Show is everywhere you go? You can watch it. You can scroll it. You can stream it. The choice is yours. Choose wisely. But just know The Zerky Show is here to stay every day. And that will not change. I have a notification. If you want to be featured on the first episode of Mail Time with Zerky, this is the way to address your letter or anything you want to send.
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
A sketch of something cool. I am looking for anything, obviously on your own volition, for the chance to be featured in a new series that I'm doing. I hope you can tap in. I would love to see what your creative mind can come up with. Do the things that bring you joy. And also, if you're trying something new, know that I believe in you.
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
I was done with going into something and entertaining something that just had no structure to it. And I knew that I was being used and we were both using each other. I just didn't... I had such a visceral feeling after that whole thing had ended with this person that I just was like, I never want to do that again. There's no part of me that wants to do that again. Now, have I...
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
Hang out with people that challenge your perspective, that have different opinions. Those are the conversations that will broaden your perspective and make you think differently about the world around you. You'll notice so many new things by seeing and hearing so many new things from others. Other than that, know that I believe in you. I love you. I trust you.
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
And Zerky Show, I am sending you lots of love and peace.
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
gone back to that in a certain sense? Yes, I think so. I've had other situations where similar things in that situationship were mimicked, right? But the good thing was I knew to catch them sooner because I was like, that was enough. I know how I should be treated. I don't want to be treated like that again. And it was on me.
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
It was me who had to hold myself accountable in order to make sure that that didn't repeat. And I think we need to ask ourselves this question because there is a romance to getting hurt. There is this kind of struggle that you like to go through that like, I'm in so much pain, but I love this person when really you're just lusting over them. There is that.
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
I'm not going to sit here and act like it's not one of the craziest feelings in the world. When you are in a toxic situationship, relationship, whatever, friendship, it's kind of like you are fighting for somebody's attention. You are fighting for somebody to like you back. And it's a high that you just... You have to experience it to understand it. And once you do, you realize that it's just...
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
the after effect the post relationship realizations you have are bad they're they're really they're rough they're really rough because you give up so much of yourself to try to make someone realize that you're special it's not off off the bat it's it's like a i have to earn their trust i have to earn everything and and At some point, I was just like, I've had enough of that.
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
Like, this is bad. You know this is bad. You went through a home wrecking situationship before and now you're just going back to it. And I kind of like reflected on that and I was like,
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
I've had enough of that. I don't want to have to keep proving that I am a good person in a relationship. I want someone to already like that in me and see that in me. I can't be sitting here and trying to convince the other person that I'm worthy. I can't do that.
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
And since then, I've found so much solace in just returning that energy that I was just throwing out, trying to find somebody, just putting it on myself. I was like returning the spotlight on myself and being like, well, let me just try for me. Let me just show up for me. Let me low-key date myself. That's so corny, but it's true. It's so true. I feel like
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
We try to seek out things in other people because they're missing in ourselves. And there's a good chance you're hearing this and you're thinking, dang, yeah, I low-key have been doing that. I have been looking for comfort in other people and validation in other people because I can't validate myself or I don't feel like I have the tools necessary to build myself up.
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
I think a lot of people get into these kind of patterns of cycling through partners or cycling through friendships and different dynamics because they're just trying to find a reason To believe they're a good person and they're worthy of something. And everyone's worthy of something. Everyone's worthy of love. Everyone's worthy of respect.
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
Everyone's worthy of being seen as an equal, as somebody that you can appreciate. But that only happens if you do that yourself, if you view yourself that way. Because if you don't... You won't get it from the people that you're seeking it from.
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
I just want to have fun and he was like you're gonna have fun and then you're going to complain to me again because that's always how it goes and I was I was dumbfounded like I really didn't know what to say and I remember he was kind of wrapping up the the topic with me and
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
Even if you do find somebody who appreciates you for you, you might not be able to reciprocate that kind of feeling and you won't have a special connection and a special bond. It is such a weird thing.
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
And at one point, you have to realize how many mistakes, how many partners that were the worst can you go through until you realize, yo, I got to put some accountability on myself and I got to realize that low-key, I'm picking these people. Low-key, I'm putting myself in certain situations that are not good for me.
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
We like to put so much blame into the ether of the experience that is being young and trying to find somebody, right? And oftentimes we like to, you know, shift the blame on something else. It's like stepping into another portal and being like, I got blown up by a ghast. What? There's a zombie pigman that's going after me. You stepped into the portal. What did you think was going to happen?
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
You didn't even take the time to get the right tools. You didn't even get diamond armor. You don't have a diamond sword. You don't have a bow and arrow to defeat the ghasts. And you're confused and angry when something happens. I mean, is that enough? Maybe it's not. Maybe you're not ready for that kind of realization. And that's okay. That's fine.
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
But what's not fine is knowing there's a problem, knowing that there's a solution to it, and avoiding it. and complaining about it. Listen, if you want to avoid it, you don't want to change your ways. There's a certain kind of high you get, right? Certain kind of rush you get from being thrown around and things not working out. That's great. That's fine.
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
But if you hear that and you're like, I don't want that to be me. Like I've had enough and I do want something better for myself, then you need to catch it. You do. You need to face it like it's any other problem. You have to treat it like it would be your friend coming to you and being like, hey, I have this problem. I need a solution on it.
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
You have to treat it like it would be one of your best friends coming to you and being like, hey, I'm having this problem. I keep liking people, but the people that I like don't like me back. And they're always using me for something. Okay, well, why are you liking these people? You know, that's what you would tell them. Or you'd be like, you're so much better than that.
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
he asked me, you know, Zerky, I just want you to ask yourself next time you're going to end up in this situation where you are upset, you knew it was a bad idea, and you did it, is that enough? And I was like, well, if it means, you know, having a shawty, I don't think it's enough. We got to keep going. Or do we? Because after that, I had to stop dating for a while.
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
Girlie, let me tell you, he doesn't deserve you. Okay. You wouldn't tell yourself the same thing though. And I think that's the disconnect. That's the problem. You have to know when it's enough and it's like, we're done. We're done with this.
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
And I think we're leading ourselves into some really dangerous areas where people that are hurt are romanticizing the fact that they are hurt and they are hurting other people. And there will be people that they won't change. They will continue to hurt other people. Yes, absolutely. But I just don't want you to feel like that needs to be you too. Because I took a stand.
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
I decided I don't care what people are telling me. Oh, it's your 20s. Live it up. Dude, forget about all that, bro. You've got to find as many people as you can. You've got to hang out with as many people as you can. You've got to get with as many people as you can. I don't want to do that. I don't. It's not a feeling that is deep in me that makes me go, yeah, that sounds cool.
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
Maybe to you it does, and that's great. Go do it. That's awesome. But if it's not and you are being forced to do something because you think that is what you need to do and you keep getting hurt by it, ding, ding, ding, don't do it. Don't do it. But I also get why you would. Because there is pressure. There is peer pressure.
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
There are your friends who have a different perspective than you and are telling you, you're going to miss out on the college experience. This is the time. And maybe that's what they want to do. And there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with that. But is that what you want? No, I want a stable relationship. Great. Then that's what you got to get. You know what? I don't want that.
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
Honestly, I just want to be alone right now. I want to hang out with myself and not feel pressured like I need to be with someone all the time. Cool. Do that. I think there's also this big push for excess. We need more. Oh, I like that. I need more of I low-key still have this problem, but I have like an issue with clothing. I get emotionally attached to clothing.
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
I just like certain designs, certain pieces of clothing, certain football jerseys. They mean so much to me because of the person that gave it to me, the place I was in when I received it, the thrift store that I found it in. And it's almost as if, like, because I have so much, I can't appreciate any of it. Is that enough? Like, how many more pieces do I need until I'm like, oh, I'm satisfied?
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
And the truth is, like, if I can't appreciate what I have right now, I will never be able to appreciate anything. different things and if I cannot learn to let go of certain things right in my closet I won't be able to accept new things right
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
might be better they might be worse I might buy something I know like you've probably gone to a thrift store and you saw something you're like oh my gosh this is so cool I'm gonna buy this you go home and it's five sizes too big and your mom and dad are looking at you like you're crazy or you look like a backyard again you know I used to dress like a backyard again bro I swear like baggy you know oversized fit like just the scrappiest stuff I could find you know hey it was sick I liked it but
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
It's the same thing with like emotions and experiences and self-respect. Same thing. If you're not willing to let go of certain patterns that are in your life, if you're not willing to let go of certain perspectives that you've carved, certain presumptions about people, you're not going to be able to make space for new ones. For ones that are way better.
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
For ones that are going to serve you more than the ones right now. Because think about it. Look at your way of thinking. Look at how you feel about things that happen in your life. Do you feel good about them? Are you at peace with them, genuinely? Because... I'm still working on that.
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
There are certain things that go on in my life that I'm just like, ah, like I just can't seem to get a grasp on them. Of course. But I've let go of certain patterns because I want to welcome other ones. I had to donate the bad clothes. to the goodwill, to the salvation army, to the savers, so I can go and get myself one piece that I really like that I know I'm going to use.
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
So I can develop a good habit. So I can develop a good appreciation for myself so that when times get tough, I'm not trying to grab at straws. I know who I am and I know I'm going to be okay. I think everyone does need to have a moment in their life that brings them to kind of a rock bottom.
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
Maybe that's an unpopular opinion, but I do think that there has to be a moment where you feel like, I want to change. Where you ask yourself, is that enough? Is that enough suffering? Is that enough pain? And your answer isn't, No, I mean, yeah, but I want to keep... No, no, no, no, no. Your answer is, yes, I'm done. That was terrible. I'm done. I want to change.
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
I had to stop being intimate for a while because a lot of the things that I experienced in that were, they weren't okay. And I felt hurt. And that conversation with my friend really, really hit me. Is that enough? Is this my sign to change? I had no choice. I had to. I was just... I was... I was afraid... Of going back to that. It wasn't even I was afraid. I was just done.
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
Because it's easy to kind of be like, oh yeah, it would be a good thing if I didn't self-sabotage myself in a relationship or I didn't overshare. But it isn't until you lose something that you valued tremendously or you have somebody go against you or I don't know, maybe you have just a sudden shift in your perspective.
the zurkie show
how long will you let them hurt you?
Maybe somebody says something that makes you realize this person does not care. They don't. I've told them you're being super cold to me. Like I, I need affection. And they're like, yeah, I guess. I don't know. Yeah, I guess. I don't know. What do you mean? Yeah, I guess. I don't know. I need this. Yeah, cool. I don't know about you. That's enough for me. That was a sign. I got to change.