I know deep down we don't want to seem like we care, but we do.I've learned to accept the fact that I missed my ex-partner at one point or another. there's no shame in it. but I also know there is a big difference between the person they are and the person I "fell in love" with.feel those emotions, feel the sadness, feel the pain of seeing them with someone else. we need to feel these things in order to make a change for the better. at least I think so.sending you all lots of love and peaaaaaace!https://stan.store/thezurkieshow
Chapter 1: Is it okay to miss an ex after a breakup?
It's okay to miss her. It's okay to miss him. It's okay to miss them. It's fine. It's fine. I don't want my ex to know that it bothers me. I don't. I want to be as cool about it as possible. I want to be as nonchalant about it as possible. I don't want them to know that I'm curious. I'm just curious why. Why they decided that it was the guy that they told me not to worry about. Why them?
Chapter 2: How do you evict someone from your mind?
I don't want them to know that. And I remember recently I was having a conversation with somebody who asked me if I could give them any kind of advice as to how to basically... Kick somebody out of your mind. Someone that's living rent free. How do you let them go? Evict them for good. Because sometimes people will overstay their welcome in our mind. And we don't want them to be there.
Chapter 3: What happens when you don't get closure?
And you just don't want to care about it anymore. But you want to know something? You will care. You will care. You will care a lot. It's hard because everything in you, after you end up parting ways with somebody, makes you want to just boot them out the door. You don't want to look twice. It's hard to get peace after a breakup because sometimes we don't get closure.
Sometimes things were said at the end of a relationship that were really hurtful and came out of nowhere, or so it seemed. They were always there. It's just they didn't have a reason to bring it up, you know? And so it's kind of a weird predicament that you find yourself in because you want to act nonchalant and be like, whatever, I don't care about them.
oh my gosh, he, you know, he wasn't even good for me anyways. You want to do that. And that's totally within your right. But the truth of the matter is like, the more I think you give in to this kind of like bashing of a, of a person, it's like, you're just showing that you are, you're letting them be there rent free. You're not really accepting the fact that you had some ties.
You a hundred percent had some ties. Like We can't act like these relationships didn't mean anything to us, because they did. Even the ones that we were wronged in, it's like, of course they mattered. They mattered 100%. No matter what you want to think, no matter what you want to say, that relationship mattered. And maybe it doesn't matter in the sense of
Chapter 4: Why do past relationships still matter?
You know, the respect that they had for you because let's say they had zero. But maybe it matters because it's going to be one of the dots that you connect looking back at your life. Where you actually learned that that was very important. That was like immensely important to you finding the person that you want to be with. But if you want my take on things, it's like you're going to care.
You're going to care when somebody leaves your life. You will. It's inevitable. And you should not feel guilty about it. And you should not feel chained to the fact that, you know, it takes time. And you'll be curious. You naturally will be curious. Now, there's steps you can take to, like, actually give yourself space.
And I think that, you know, saying that you don't care about it and actually giving the other person space for your sake, they're two different things. I think one of them is more performative. When you keep telling everyone, like, yeah, you know, I don't give a frig, I don't give a sigma about that person. It's like, okay, relax. Yeah, you do.
If they texted you like that hour, you'd be like, oh, my God. Oh, my God. We're going to go get coffee and catch up. Oh, my God. You know, and I'm saying that because that's me. You know, I would try to. I would try to turn a blind eye to it in hopes that they would want to reach back out and like, you know, rekindle things.
It's kind of that thing when you're waiting for something to load on your phone and you think that looking away from your phone is going to make it load quicker. It's not, bro. That's not how it works. Although it low-key does work because sometimes when I look away and I look back, it's like, oh, it's a surprise. It loaded. My 15-minute slime compilation has loaded. That's great.
Now I can eat in peace because my 15-minute police body cam footage video has loaded. Bro, do y'all be watching those? Those are crazy. Crazy. What world do we live in? Anyways, you will care. You will care. You will care a lot. When somebody is in your life and you are intimate with them and you are vulnerable to them, it is just what it is.
You build a connection with them and the fallout of the relationship can leave you feeling some type of way. Well, you know, I feel some type of way. And that's cool. That's cool. You know, maybe you're upset. Maybe you really feel like the person disrespected every part of you.
You tried to be open about your niche interests that you used to get bullied for and like they started making fun of you for it. no I'm kidding it you know it happens it happens and and and you can't you also can't deny the fact that like y'all had something you get me you you had something and it's it's important to make peace with that
it's important to, to realize that like, yeah, we had something and that thing is no longer there. And although I'm, I'm upset and I feel really bad about this and I, I almost feel like I kinda, I kinda went through some things here and they don't seem to see it that way. It's like, you can't just not care about that or about them. You will care. You will.
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Chapter 5: How can you give yourself space after a breakup?
You will care. You know? It's okay. It's fine. Yeah. Man. I don't know, I still find myself, you know, wondering sometimes about certain people. And it's not in a place of, like, you know, oh, I want to, like, talk to them or anything, because, you know, we're past that. But I'm just curious if they realize... If they realize that, you know, that they... They made some mistakes, like...
And I really hope that they're not going to make those mistakes again with somebody else because when they made them with me, it really hurt. It really hurt. And sometimes it feels unfair because it feels like I had to fix a lot of the mistakes that weren't even mine. Like I was just given a bunch of broken
Chapter 6: What role does social media play in moving on?
people broken dynamics and I had to I had to like take all of these different ingredients and cook them into something it's like now it's affecting me I have to deal with my own stuff I don't know how to deal with your self-sabotage because like I don't know I deal with that but I think that also changes when you when you meet somebody who is who is aware of these things And they care.
They care a lot. And they care that you know that they have these problems. Because that changes everything. It's, I think, different when somebody is just acting out and they have an underlying issue and you know they're flawed. And that's okay. No one needs to be perfect. But you know that the way they are treating you is not something that you have earned yet.
It's like you didn't earn the disrespect. It's not that. They are treating you the way that they know how. And it's appalling sometimes that people can treat a partner, a friend, a family member in the way that they do with just blatant disregard, disrespect. It's appalling. And that You just wish you could see eye to eye and you can't. And you can't.
How do you explain to somebody that they're the root of their suffering? You can't. If somebody is deep in it, you can't do it. You can't, and that's why I think after a breakup, you really look back and realize who you were in that time and what parts of you were being muted. It's kind of surreal.
Chapter 7: How do you cope with feelings of resentment?
I think you can also solo out certain parts of you in retrospect and be like, dang, how was I letting this slide the entire time? Because another thing I used to do is I used to just like shut it down.
You know, I would know that I was being disrespected and I would think that if I spoke out against it, it would compromise my masculinity or my leverage in a relationship, which is a bad way to think. And I acknowledge that now. And, you know, I cared. I really cared. But I think I cared because I wanted to keep the relationship alive. I didn't really care about my mental well-being.
Chapter 8: Why is it hard to let go of past relationships?
And even if you're in a toxic thing, man, you will care. You will care. The small things will add up over time. They will always continue to build over time. I got off the phone yesterday with a friend who I had been disrespecting. And he told me every part, every time he was like, you told me, you promised me that you were going to call me, bro, and you didn't call me. Why didn't you?
So I think the moral of it all is that no matter what, if you are in a relationship, if you are not, if you had just broken up with somebody, if you had something to do with that person, you will care. You will care. And it's okay to care. Even if they did you so wrong and they made you feel so inadequate and they did so many bad things to you, you could make a spreadsheet in Excel
and like multiply and divide everything and find out what percentage of the time you were being, you know, disrespected, which is probably 98.2%, right? And the rest was neutral. You will care. You will still care about them. And maybe you're caring not for them, but more for the person they were at that time or the person that you thought they were at that time, the idealized version of them.
Maybe you're caring for the part of you that maybe you lost in that relationship. Maybe you're caring for a moment where you didn't feel alone in your life. There's so many things to care about. But don't gaslight yourself into believing that, no, no, I can't feel these emotions. Yeah, you can, bro. You miss her.
I should text her.
I don't know if you should text her because it's not going to work, bro. It's the guy she told you not to worry about. I promise you. No, but like, it's okay to miss her. It's okay to miss him. It's okay to miss them. It's fine. It's fine. And two things can be true. They could have disrespected you. They could have been a complete jerk. They could have put themselves first in every situation.
They never took you into consideration, but you missed them. I've let go of so much resentment in my life, it feels freeing. It feels freeing. Because, you know, the things that I've gone through and the relationships I've had in the past, like, It's a part of me, you know. I got the scars from them, you know what I'm saying. I've done my tours, you know.
But I don't hold resentment towards any of it. I understand the place of it. I understand that I still, I care. But I care more for the lessons and what I learned than the people. You know, I care more about the lessons that I had to learn just myself, even though people were telling me up front, this is what's going to happen. And I was like, no, no, dude, like they're in love with me.
Do you not understand that? Like, yeah, I know that they went on break with their boyfriend, but I'm going to win. I'm next in line. Bruh. You used to call me on the cell phone. Late night when you need my love. That's all I was. I was a hotline bling. That's it. On some 2016, I was a hotline bling. Because I know in that hotline bling, that can only mean one thing.
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