the end goal shouldn't be to have someone like you.you should go on the date because you want to, and it's good for you to get out of your comfort zone. don't let fear suppress your inner desire to be better and search for something good. if you don't try, you'll never know.sending you all love and peaaaaaaaaace!https://stan.store/thezurkieshow
Chapter 1: Why should you go on a date even if you don't want to?
It was an hour into the car ride to Chili's that I realized I did not want to go on this date. Scratch that. Rewind that. It was before I even left for the Chili's that I realized I did not want to go on this date. And so I confided to my friend Dylan and I told him, Dylan, I do not want to go on this date with this girl. I have no interest in doing this. And he said, you should do it.
Dylan, you're supposed to be my right-hand man. Why are you enabling me to make an hour-long drive to Chili's? And he said, Zerky, you should do this because it'd be good for the soul. Good for the soul. And so I went. I went and I can tell you that we ordered two triple dippers and we got two drinks and I paid $60, but that's history and the rest is a mystery.
But what I can say is that that date, it was what Dylan said it was. It was good for the soul. It was really good for the soul because it made me realize I did not want to date. That dating in 2025 is cucked. No, no. What it made me realize is that I actually wanted to look for intimacy and look for relationships in other places in my life with the people that matter to me.
And that, you know what, dating somebody, at least right now, maybe that's not what I want. And maybe that's not what you want. Maybe you just want friends. You've moved to a new city. You're starting work. You've moved to college and to your dorm. You don't know anybody. I don't know. You're starting at a new school. A lot of us are tempted to look for a quick escape.
Chapter 2: What is the importance of building relationships with friends?
And maybe we think a relationship, a date, a hookup is a quick escape. And it is. I mean, it can be fun. Don't get me wrong. But there is so much joy in actually building a lasting relationship with friends. And I think that at the root of that, you have to first have a lasting relationship with yourself. And that is where things that are good for the soul come in. They appear.
We don't do things that are good for the soul at large because a lot of us are ashamed to admit that there are certain things that are good for our souls. A lot of us might have interests, might have hobbies, might have vices, whatever, that we like to indulge in. But maybe we got bullied out of them when we were younger. Maybe people kind of poke fun at them and think they're cringe, whatever.
And so we avoid them or we at least limit those parts of ourselves. I'm sure that there's plenty of people that you know in your life that they wanted to do something. They wanted to try something, whether that was a sport, whether that was a hobby, a type of art, whether that was a business. But they just didn't because...
Fear we think is a bad thing, but some good fear is actually good for the soul. Cause I will be the first to say I was afraid. I was of going on this, this date because I already had my assumptions. If it's love that you want, I'll give you everything. I had my assumptions and I was afraid of, I don't know, proving them right because it would be a waste of time. Man, that's a big one, right?
Chapter 3: How does fear play a role in dating decisions?
Like a lot of us are afraid of wasting time. I get it. But also like you willingly waste time. I willingly waste time. So why don't we do something that's good for the soul and just be like, let's just do it. You should go on the date. You should. Even if you're on the fence, you should. Because it's good for the soul. It's really good for the soul.
It's good to just convince yourself that you can do it and that you can talk to somebody and get to know somebody. I think that we've just become so obsessed with the end goal. I will go on this date and meet my husband, meet my wife, meet my sneaky link. Why does that matter? Why can't you just go on the date? Step one, and enjoy yourself. It's not a competition. This isn't a Riz Fest.
I mean, depends, you know, but at least, you know, it doesn't have to be. You can just experience something without having strings attached to it. You can just enjoy yourself in a situation because it's good for the soul. And the emotions that you feel beforehand and the emotions that you feel during, that's all good. That all builds you. But Zerky, like dating is cooked now.
I think it's always been cooked. I think we have our own problems now, and yes, there is so much division, but I think we all want the same thing, and I think that, honestly, you gotta go on a lot of dates, bro. You gotta go on a lot of dates. I've gone on a lot of dates, okay? I've gone on a lot of them. And each one, each one,
Within the first couple of minutes, you know if this is a hit or a miss. You just know. You have a feeling and you're like, they're kind of mid. Or like, who is this person? This is great. But every time I went on a date, it was good for the soul. Even the bad ones were always good for the soul. They always built some kind of a character within me.
remember I was always like fascinated you know with my mom and my dad they met each other and they had other people in their lives you know I'm saying but they met each other and I was always asking my mom like how did you know that dad was the right one for you and she was like because after a while I I saw what other you know options I had and the other people I was with and I was I liked certain things about your dad I couldn't find elsewhere and
You got to do the work. Like, you got to do the work. And maybe you'll get lucky. No Daft Punk. Like, you'll get lucky and you'll find somebody. And you two will share a $60 Chili's date. And it's OTP. It's Bay coded.
But for a lot of us, we need to just, we need to practice going and putting ourselves out there because the more that we cocoon ourselves in this idea that we cannot, that we can't, that no, what if they see me with this person? What if I try to go on this day? Like, no, no, that's not good for the soul. That is very bad for the soul. It's suppression. That's what it is. It's suppression.
It's suppressing yourself and shielding yourself from change because maybe you have been hurt by somebody who changed or somebody who changed their mind about you. It's a really, it's a really mid feeling when somebody, you know, that you really like says, I think that we should see other people because I need to find myself. And it's like, no, you don't. You don't like me.
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Chapter 4: Why is it essential to embrace change in life?
English teachers really thought they were cooking with that, didn't they, in elementary school? unbelievable anyways it's good for the soul it's good for the soul to do something that is scary is uncomfortable is weird telling your crush that you watch that certain anime i don't know man hey it's a risk what if they don't like
Jujutsu Kaisa right I've never I have not watched any anime actually funny enough I watched like a couple episodes of Cowboy Bebop and I'm like this is cool I see the vision I watched Akira recently loved it um what's the oh the Attack on Titan I tapped into a couple episodes of Attack on Titan y'all are crazy for watching that that is some intense stuff dude But I'll tap in. I'll tap in.
I think Evangelion, right? That's one of them. Unk has got to do his studying. I'm going to anime anniversary. Because it's good for the soul. It's good for the soul. I think there's a lot of us too that think that getting a soulmate, getting into a relationship, being with somebody that we can basically parade to our family, to our friends, that that is, that's the whole point of all of this.
Yeah, I don't think so. I don't think so. I don't think so.
I don't.
I think it's a part of it. I think that being, you know, having somebody you can share life with is definitely a part of it. And that's good for the soul. Trust, trust me, daddy. But I don't think that that's like the, the end all be all. And that should be your North star for your entire life. It's good to find your person. It's great for those of you that aren't in a relationship. Yeah.
I mean, I guess being in a relationship seems like the best thing you can do, but when was the last time you actually like fed your soul something? And if that is a goal of yours, which that's cool, that's great goal to have, right? What are you doing to get there? Are you at a point in your life where you could have even a relationship like that? I don't know. I don't think you are.
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Chapter 5: What can we learn from bad dating experiences?
Are you even like solid within your own self of like, okay, I kind of have an understanding of who I am and what I do. No, probably not. And that's okay. But I think what it means is that it's time to prioritize something different. It's time to prioritize yourself. It's time to do things that are good for the soul. And also, like, if you want to get the cake, you've got to bake it.
So you've got to go on dates. You can't keep isolating yourself. And telling yourself, no, no, when I'm ready. Because you'll never be ready. You'll never be ready. I promise you. You will never be ready. You won't. You're telling yourself that, oh, if I just continue to delay this, like at one point, I'll be ready. No, that's no. You won't. Why?
Because you've probably been telling yourself that for a while. So it's now or never. Truly it's now or never. I would feel this a lot when I was losing weight on my weight loss journey because I had really intertwined my weight and the way that I looked to my identity and my value as a human being. And I remember I got to a point where I was like, dude, this is going to take a while.
The weight is not going to lose itself overnight. In the meantime, what if I go on these dates? What if I do talk to people? What if I put myself out there? Not with the idea that I'm going to get anything out of it in return. Why don't I just practice? Like, when was the last time you practiced doing something good for yourself with no end goal?
Not because, you know, you didn't go up to somebody because you wanted to get their number and take them out and go to Jenny's and spend $40 on ice cream or something. You just wanted to talk to them. It was your desire. And you knew that if you talked to them, it would be good for the soul. Because what a lot of us do is we psych ourselves out.
We think that in order to go up to somebody, we have to look a certain way. Our hair needs to look like broccoli. I don't know. We have to have like our favorite Dior cologne on. Sauvage or whatever. Whatever. And that gives us permission to go up to somebody and talk to somebody. That's not how this works. That's not how this works. You already have the permission. You can do it.
It's just maybe you're framing it in a really unhealthy way. Maybe you're framing it in a way that's already making you fail before you've even tried it. Oh, well, if I make this and it doesn't do well, then it was all for nothing. Well, if I go up to this person and they reject me, then it was all for nothing. What if you could just be proud of trying?
Because I think what Dylan was getting at with my whole Chili's debacle is that trying is good for the soul. Trying is very good for the soul. Failing is good for the soul. Me having to drive in silence after that date that went poorly, knowing I had spent $60, it was good for the soul. But guess what? It was uncomfortable. It was weird. We don't want to sit with our emotions, man.
We don't want to sit with our emotions. We don't want to give them the time of day. We just want it to be over. Go. Why? Why? Why can't we feel these things? They didn't text you back. Okay. Does it hurt? Yeah. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It does. They are pulling away from you and you know they are and you've asked them if they are and they're saying that they're not. Does it hurt?
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Chapter 6: How to overcome the fear of rejection?
That at least trying and just attempting and just going on the date even when you don't want to because you are insecure about how you look, how you feel, what they might think of you. I think in the end you will look back at that decision the same way as somebody would look back at deciding to swim in the stream. And you will realize it was good for the soul.
Did you know that The Zerky Show is everywhere you go? You can watch it. You can scroll it. You can stream it. The choice is yours. If you want to tap in, this is the way to do it. The Zerky Show, everywhere you go. Tap in! By the way, how are we liking this shirt? Other than that, thank you so much for all of you that make this show possible.
And likewise, man, I am just so grateful for every single one of you. By the way, if you're trying something new, just know that I believe in you. Do the things in life that you enjoy. And other than that, just know, Zerky Show, I am sending you lots of love and peace.