Tim discusses the recent helicopter crash in the Hudson, why summer vacations are over, RFK’s pledge to find the cause of autism by September, the looming threat of war with Iran, young people taking “mini-retirements”, and the importance of being a good guest in another country. -Tim's new Netflix special "I'm Your Mother" comes out on Tuesday, April 15th. Click the link below to set a reminder on Netflix so you can watch when it premieres! 👇 https://www.netflix.com/us/title/81992010?s=i&trkid=260267037&vlang=en American Royalty Tour 🎟 https://punchup.live/TimDillon SPONSORS: Morgan And Morgan Visit https://ForThePeople.com/TIM or Dial #LAW (#529) Kars4Kids Go To https://Kars4Kids.org/TIM & find out how to easily donate your car today and receive a vacation voucher and tax deduction. Identity Guard Go To https://identityguard.com/TIM To Sign Up For A 30-Day Free Trial & Get 60% OFF. OpenPhone Streamline and Scale your customer communications with OpenPhone. Get 20% OFF your first 6 months at https://openphone.com/tim ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ Subscribe to the channel: https://www.youtube.com/@TimDillonShow?sub_confirmation=1 Instagram: https://instagram.com/timjdillon/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/TimJDillon Listen on Spotify! https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1woKiAazAKPWPkHjds?si=e8000ed157e441c8 Merch: https://store.timdilloncomedy.com/ For every $400,000 we gross in revenue, we are donating five dollars to end homelessness in Los Angeles. We are challenging other creators to do the same. #TimGivesBack
Chapter 1: What is the significance of the helicopter crash in the Hudson?
Not everyone is not gonna, it's not for everyone. Helicopter tours need to go away. What do you need to see? New York is the most famous man-made vista in the world. It is the most famous skyline on Earth. Go to a rooftop bar and get a view. Go to an observation deck. Don't get in a helicopter with your family. You're taking a chance. Especially the fucking helicopter tours.
You don't know who the fuck is in there. or what they're doing, I'm telling you, enough with these summer vacations. I'm predicting this summer, because of the market instability, that people are going to actually find ways to have vacations at their house. It's called a staycation, where you don't leave your home. And your kids go, are we going anywhere? And you go, shut up.
And they go, well, actually, John and his family are going somewhere. Go, yeah, yeah, we got cleaned out. We're fucked. John's family owns property. We're fucked here. We got nothing. Oh, they're going to the lake. Yeah, yeah, yeah, good, good. I hope he drowns. I hope John drowns in the lake with his family. His father's a drunk. He's always nice to me. Shut up. I have nothing.
This family has nothing. That's the conversations. that will be happening this summer. When the kids go, are we going anywhere? The answer is no, we're not. We're not going anywhere. Kids are spoiled pieces of shit. They're making you feel bad about the economy. They're the problem. Oh, consumer confidence is plunging because kids want more shit than they fucking need, by the way.
Oh, there's going to be less Christmas presents. Good, good. There should be none. You should get one fucking present. This abundance that everybody talks about, nobody's happy, by the way. So enough with this crap. Nova, get off, get out of the helicopter. It is a convenient way for me to go. And we fly mostly when the water is warm.
That doesn't mean much if it goes down, you know, and it kind of spirals. I don't even want to show this video. This is terrible. This is a family that crashed. And just show it just to scare people because I think people got to stay out of these things. Show it. In a matter of seconds, a helicopter fell from the sky. God, the news people don't help, do they?
In a matter of seconds, what started out as a family trip quickly ended in a watery grave. In a matter of seconds, a once-smiling family plunged to their death in lower Manhattan. The cold waters of the early spring Hudson were the last thing that family felt. It's like, do we need that? What is this guy? Is this guy's reaction now?
It sounded like an engine just dying. Are you done? And I just turned, I looked, and I saw the helicopter crashing, splashing into the water.
Oh, good. Good, good. Well, I'm glad we got his take, this guy. I saw it crash and smash into the water. I heard the helicopter went down into the water. Oh, good.
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Chapter 2: What are the implications of 'staycations' this summer?
CEOs of all these big banks and private equity companies are going, we're going to have a recession. And, you know, you're going to have to tell your children and prepare them for this is not going to be the epic summer ever. It's not going to be epic. Too many people expect everything to be... All these kids going to Coachella. It's epic. It's going to be... It's the times of our lives, you know?
Well, we're going to have to calm that down. We're not going to have the times of our lives this summer. It's going to be... Try not to die. That's what you tell your children. Try not to die this summer because hopefully next summer or the summer after, we can go back to doing something. But we're going to have a little... It's a rough patch. Here. It's a rough patch.
Why don't you acquaint yourself with our yard? How about that? Go to the local public pool. It's a public pool summer. That's what it is. This is a public pool summer. Go get choked in the water by a gang member this summer. Why don't you get choked in the water by a Latin king? Because there's no lake house this summer. It's a tough summer. This is a popsicle summer.
We're in the 90s right now, pre-Clinton. We're at the end. It's Gulf War. There's not a lot. This is a Rediscover Movies summer. This is a Netflix and chill summer. It's a public pool summer. It's a popsicle summer. It's a borrow mom's car summer. It's smoke a joint on the beach summer. It is not helicopter tour summer. It's not epic concert summer. It's not backpacking through Europe summer.
This is a very... Pair down simple suburban summer. This is smoke glass with your friends summer. Smoke meth with your friends. This is not like you're going to be making memories to last a lifetime summer. No. This is... I'm looking at the... I'm reading all these articles about what's going on in the stock market. Prepare your children for an old school summer. Some drugs...
Couple of handjobs under the boardwalk, and moving on, we're back in school. It's not going to be the greatest night of your life. I'm telling you. It's not going to be the greatest two months of your life. It's not happening. It's not happening. It's going to be just hot, sticky, and cheap. It's going to be a cheap summer.
Everyone's mad at RFK because he's pledging to find the cause of autism by September. And that's pretty cool. Number one, life's about setting goals. And he's literally going, I'm going to find it out by September. By the end of the... This will be the summer that RFK found out what caused autism. That'll be this... This will be the summer that we all remember... RFK is going to work really hard.
He's going to hunker down and find out why people are autistic and tell us all in September. And I'm kind of excited. What if it's something we have no idea what it could be? We don't know. Could be canned tuna. We don't know. Everything's on the table. That's what you've got to like about RFK. Everything's on the table. I'm thinking he might go in the direction of vaccines, but we don't know.
We don't know. Could be household chemicals, toxins in wood furniture, the cream for the dunkaroo. No one knows what exactly is making people autistic. He has pledged, while everyone else is—I don't know what they're doing in the summer— This guy has pledged to find the cause of autism. Let's listen to this guy. I'm telling you right now, pretty fucking cool, pretty ambitious, RFK.
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Chapter 3: What does RFK pledge regarding the cause of autism?
Israel will obviously be very much involved in that. They'll be the leader of that. Israel wants to go to war with Iran because it is in their interest to do so. Iran backs proxies like Hezbollah and other people that... have attacked Israel. And Israel has gone to war with Hezbollah, and it has gone to war.
Hezbollah is backed by Lebanon, but Iran is funneling money to all of these different groups. The Houthis, all of the different terrorist groups, Iran is definitely supporting. And Qatar is supporting to some degree. And it makes sense why Israel would want to go to war with Iran. However, right now, it makes very little sense
that a president who campaigned on being peaceful and getting us out of wars and restoring the middle class would entertain preemptive strikes on Iran with Israel. Iran has allies like China and Russia, and I don't know if China and Russia would directly get involved in this. They probably wouldn't, but I don't think they would. But they might.
It's always a risk when you destabilize an entire region of the world that allies like China and Iran are going to come in and now we're in World War III. Now we're literally in World War III. The economy's tanked and now we're walking into World War III with Iran at the behest again of Israel. which I don't think is a smart decision for our government to make.
And there's a lot of people in Trump's ear that are telling him it is a smart thing to do, that this is a good thing, that it's a necessary thing. I don't think it is. And I think a lot of people agree with what I'm saying, and that's that we simply cannot continue to... Look at regime change in the world as the only option.
We have to start dealing with people that are dangerous and threatening without directly going to war with them. America's moment running the world is over. China is a power equal to or greater economically than we are at this point, probably equal to. Some people say their economy is bigger. It depends on what metrics you look at. India is coming up.
Russia has more nuclear weapons than any other country. A lot of countries are going, you can't push them around. A lot of countries are nuclear. A lot of countries, they're not Iraq. They're not Afghanistan. They cannot simply be bent to our will. And I think JD Vance gets that.
I think a lot of people in the administration that I have spoken to, I haven't spoken to JD, but I know a lot of people get it. And there's a lot of people that don't get it. There's a lot of people that don't understand it. Because there's this idea that... Retreat or capitulation to a guy like Vladimir Putin or the Ayatollahs in Iran is a sign of American weakness.
And that is the foreign policy establishment's view in Washington. The permanent foreign policy establishment, they just want... war all the time. They don't really care what happens. I mean, Netanyahu just goes, even if the nuclear strikes drag on, Israel may just strike anyway. I mean, he goes, we might just, we might do it anyway. You can talk if you want, but we might just get it popping.
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Chapter 4: How are young people embracing mini-retirements?
Chapter 5: What is the current sentiment about summer vacations?
Chapter 6: What challenges are facing the economy and consumer confidence?
There's never a war they don't like. They like Ukraine. They like Israel, Gaza. They like Syria. They liked Iraq. They liked Afghanistan. They liked Libya. And they like Yemen. There's nothing they don't like. There's not one war a lot of these people don't like. I just want one. I just want one of them to go, well, that one I don't think is good. Every war on the table with these people is great.
Everybody we're supporting is of unimpeachable integrity and the greatest people ever. Everybody that we're opposing is an irrational monster who cannot be negotiated with. We are just trying to help a people live in a more democratic way. against a Hitlerian figure who's impervious to reason. This is every conflict that I have ever witnessed my entire life since I became conscious.
All of these people, Iran, they've been talking about Iran since 2001. Iran. And in Long Island, you know, during the Iraq war, when everyone, including me, thought that was a great idea. Of course, my defense is that I was 17 and on cocaine. Um... You know, you would bump into people in Dunkin' Donuts, and they would go, yeah, the real problem's Iran.
They're going to go into Iran after Iraq. That's where they're going to go to Iran.
Because these people, these gremlins, these creatures that walk the earth... have been filled with the idea that Iran is going to take their Levitt house in Levittown, Long Island. And that in order to stop that, we need a major war. This is what we've sold all these people, by the way.
We've sold them this idea that all of the threats that you're going to encounter in your life are from outside of the country, and it's caves. There are these people in caves plotting to destroy, but they're also really super sophisticated and brilliant. And in caves, but really smart. And they're religious fundamentalists, but also futuristic tech geniuses.
And they're able to do all kinds of things, like attack our country. And on the day when NORAD had scrambled all the planes, they picked the exact right... It's wild what these people are able to do from a cave. It's really amazing. It is unreal what they're able to pull off from a cave. I mean, because they're all in caves... And they're all plotting to take the things from you.
They're going to come in here somehow. Now, you would think, wouldn't it be easy to stop them from coming in here if we just didn't let a lot of people come in, if we tightened up security as to who could come in and who could go, whoa, that's silly. We can't do that. It's a global world. So then you go, okay. So then what do we have to do to make sure that no one attacks us?
Well, we have to go around the world overturning their governments and convincing them all to love us. Oh, that seems so hard. It seems so much easier to just like make it harder to get into our country. Well, you'd think that, but actually the best course of action is to just go get these people to really love us and appreciate us. And how do we do that? Attack them. We attack them. What?
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Chapter 7: How is the political landscape shifting regarding war and peace?
They're the good times. Yes, it's stupid and silly and demonic. You can still say, God, that's cringe. You still have the ability to call it cringe. You still have the ability to recognize that it's gross and cringe. You're going to lose that. You're going to lose it. You won't remember what it was. What is cringe? What do you mean? That word will lose all meaning.
You will not be able to recognize good from bad. You won't know what cringe means. You'll just know that a large group of people has decided to follow a person. That's all you'll know. You'll look at the numbers and go, whoa. And you'll see them and it won't matter what they're doing. Or maybe they'll be shitting in a fountain in Central Park and the video is good.
And you'll go, whoa, that's pretty fucking cool. He's shitting in the fountain from Friends. It won't matter what they're doing, but you will lose the ability to know that it is cringe. You will lose it. The entire internet now is dominated by people who are parading around their worst qualities and being rewarded for it. It encourages society to adopt that line of thinking.
Let's go out there with our worst qualities and sell them to the people.
Let's be the worst we can be, the most annoying, the most desperate, the most like, you know, insane versions of ourselves, the ones that we privately hid, the ones that we would keep under lock and key, the ones that we would only show to our close friends and family and they would go, go away, go away, that's stupid, go away.
The ideas that never should have seen the light of day have come to define people. And those are going to be your gods. You're not going to be able to tell where and when it went so wrong. Don't save your money for retirement. Don't. I mean, can you imagine what a retirement community is going to look like in 20 years? It's going to be a prison. It's going to be a high-tech prison.
That's all it's going to be, a high-tech prison in the desert. And the reason it's going to be a prison is if you have enough money, they're going to have to protect you from what's on the outside, the other side of the fence. Don't go too close to the fence. So, yeah, if you've got a couple of bucks, go to Europe now. That's what I'm saying. Go to Europe now.
You need to wait till this degenerates fully? I mean, you're not even gonna know who to be mad at in the future. It's AI, you're gonna be shaking your fist at a robot. You're not even going to know who to be angry at. You're not even going to be able to identify the source of your pain. You're not gonna be able to, and it's by design. You'll just be like overcome and not know what to do.
And it'll just fill you. You'll live in a constant state of dread, a constant state of dread and horror. And you won't exactly know who to assign blame to. And then you'll just go on this fucking phone. or whatever you have, or maybe the phone's in you at that point, and it'll just be retard after retard. It'll just, it will be, and you won't be able to know.
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