The School of Greatness
Relationship Expert: How To Date To Find The Person You Want To Marry
Wed, 9 Apr 2025
Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy!What if the only destination for dating is marriage? Senior pastor Stephen Chandler unpacks his transformative "Relationship Roadmap" approach, challenging our modern dating culture with refreshing honesty. Stephen shares why intentionality is the missing ingredient in most failed relationships. Through vulnerable stories of his own marriage journey — from being the broke pastor who married a financially stable nurse, to learning the hard way about how his achievement-driven mindset nearly damaged his marriage — Stephen reveals why the two decisions that will define your life are what you do with God and who you choose to spend your life with. This eye-opening conversation delivers practical wisdom for anyone seeking to build a relationship that doesn't just survive but becomes the foundation for true greatness in every area of life.Order Stephen’s book Relationship Road Map: Step-by-Step Directions to Finding Your SpouseOrder Stephen’s book Stop Waiting for Permission: Harness Your Gifts, Find Your Purpose, and Unleash Your Personal GeniusStephen on InstagramStephen on XStephen on FacebookStephen on YouTubeStephen’s websiteIn this episode you will learn:Why dating without marriage as your destination creates detours that delay your path to greatness and damages your heart along the wayHow physical intimacy clouds judgment and prevents you from recognizing relationship red flags before it's too lateThe critical difference between yellow and red flags in dating, and why your trusted community's opinion of your partner matters more than your ownWhy money problems aren't necessarily relationship dealbreakers, but a partner's unwillingness to grow absolutely isHow to create the proper balance between pursuing ambitious goals and making meaningful memories in your relationshipFor more information go to https://www.lewishowes.com/1756For more Greatness text PODCAST to +1 (614) 350-3960More SOG episodes we think you’ll love:Pastor Sarah Jakes Roberts – greatness.lnk.to/1606SCPastor Michael Todd – greatness.lnk.to/1508SCJillian Turecki – greatness.lnk.to/1740SC Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy!Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX
Chapter 1: What is Lewis Howes' new book about?
I have a brand new book called Make Money Easy. And if you're looking to create more financial freedom in your life, you want abundance in your life, and you want to stop making money hard in your life, but you want to make it easier, you want to make it flow, you want to feel abundant, then make sure to go to makemoneyeasybook.com right now and get yourself a copy.
I really think this is going to help you transform your relationship with money this moment moving forward. We have some big guests and content coming up. Make sure you're following and stay tuned to this episode on the School of Greatness. It is a blessed and beautiful day, and I hope you're feeling blessed and grateful for all that you have in your life right now.
And if you're feeling stuck or trapped or overwhelmed in some area of your life, trust me, I know the pain. I've been there for many different years off and on, and it is a journey to creating peace, healing, and wholeness inside of you. And if you are feeling overwhelmed in a relationship
If you're feeling like you don't have a good relationship with yourself or with others, then this is going to be a powerful episode because this is all about how to create that beautiful relationship with intention and purpose and how to challenge modern assumptions about relationships.
If you've been struggling in a relationship, I've had five, six, maybe seven long-term relationships that all struggled for me, that were all hard, that all were up and down, emotional roller coasters, that were all just like, why can't we just make this work? Why is it so challenging? Why is there so much stress and friction and sabotage?
And it wasn't until I started to do deeper reflection, deeper healing work, and start creating a relationship with myself from a place of peace and wholeness, when I was able to create and attract a relationship in my life of the same mirror image. In this episode, we are talking with an inspiring guy named Steven Chandler, who's going to talk about
the process of dating and staying in a healthy relationship. We dive deep into why the only destination for dating should be marriage, which is something that I never thought about. I was actually like, maybe this will happen, but let's see. And let me just get to know you first and this and this. It was never thinking, okay, are we really in alignment early on? Are we really...
on the right path or are we just attracted to each other physically and we have fun and we like each other. So we're going to start investing all this time and energy and realize that we're actually not in alignment. We don't have the same values of the vision and we have a lot of friction actually. And I'm not saying you're never going to have friction, but it shouldn't be friction every day.
I mean, it's exhausting when you have that. So we dive deep on all these things and how to identify red flags versus yellow flags versus green flags and why having a clear vision is essential before bringing someone into your life. Because, man, I brought a lot of people into my life in the past and it caused a lot of pain and a lot of problems and a lot of setbacks and all these different things.
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Chapter 2: Why should dating always aim for marriage?
And slowing down for drivers is frustrating sometimes because it's just like, I've already thought it through. I've already made a decision. Let's go. But slowing down and making that decision with someone who has massive talent and gifting and ability is going to make the results of that decision phenomenal. far greater than they would have been if I was by myself.
So yes, I gave up the speed at which I love to go through life in, but the reward, it's worth it. So that fear of I'm gonna lose part of myself and I'm not gonna relieve that fear. You will lose part of yourself in that marriage, but you lost part of yourself when you launched that business.
You lost part of yourself when you had those kids and that's life you're developing and it's worth it when you see the goal on the other side.
I've got a couple of final questions for you, but this is a powerful book called Relationship Roadmap, Step-by-Step Directions to Finding Your Spouse. And again, most people are struggling and challenged with relationships in their life. And this is going to give you the tools on how to set you up with more success. So make sure you guys get a copy or two.
Give it to a friend who might be struggling in the relationship as well. Someone who's been married 12, almost 13 years now, but also been around a lot of individuals who've been married for a long time. You have great married mentors, and I'm assuming you've counseled many people in their marriages as well.
As I get into my newly married season of life, what would be three pieces of advice you'd give me that either you followed when you were getting married or you wish you would have followed as well? Well, first of all, congrats.
Come on, it's been a fun journey. I'm going to kind of turn it heavy for a second, but it's okay. It's going to resonate with a lot of people. My mom ended up passing away in 2013. And I got engaged the first week of February. She passed away the last week of February. So she passed away three weeks after we got married. She was 54.
And, you know, when someone's coming to the end of their life, life comes in perspective. And the things that matter, matter. And the things that you thought mattered, you realize at this point. And so the greatest piece of advice I got was from my mom. And she said, Stephen, if I had known, I was only going to spend 34 years with your dad.
Some of the things that I was dogmatic about, I now realize they don't matter. So in marriage, pick which heels you're going to die on. And I'll even say this, three or less. Don't have a lot of them. I will not compromise on this. And then other things, we can talk, we can disagree. but don't make it World War III.
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