The Let Them Theory | The Messy Podcast
S2 EP1 | Why the Right Decision Feels Wrong | The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins
Tue, 04 Mar 2025
Welcome to Season 2, Episode 1 of The Messy Podcast!Tagline: Why the Right Decision Feels WrongIn this episode, we explore why trusting your intuition often feels uncomfortable, the link between people-pleasing and self-betrayal, and how to act on your needs despite others’ disapproval.Key Takeaways:Understand why trusting your intuition can feel uncomfortable due to the neuroscience of doubt.Discover how people-pleasing leads to self-betrayal.Learn to act on your needs despite others’ disapproval.Practice:Action Step: Identify one decision you’ve delayed due to fear of judgment. This week, say Let Them _______, then Let Me _______.Support Us: Visit https://themessypodcast.com to support our mission.Tune in to The Messy Podcast—navigating the chaos of life, one story at a time.
Chapter 1: Why does the right decision often feel wrong?
And today we're going to do a deep dive into why making the right decision can often feel like the absolute wrong thing to do. especially when it comes to those big choices like our jobs or our relationships. Have you ever had that feeling where you know you should make a change, but then you just freeze up because you're so worried about what everyone else will think?
Yeah, all the time.
Yeah, me too. So today we're going to talk about that, like the whole intuition versus people pleasing thing.
Right.
And all that self-doubt that creeps in.
Yeah.
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Chapter 2: What is the neuroscience behind decision-making anxiety?
And we're going to unpack the neuroscience behind all of that. It's actually pretty fascinating how our brains are wired to like avoid rocking the boat, even when that boat is like totally sinking. Okay. So to kick things off.
Yeah.
I want to tell you a story about someone we're going to call Mel.
Okay, I'm listening.
So Mel has what everyone considers this like dream job. She's a lawyer making bank, super stable. But on the inside, she's miserable.
Yeah.
Like she just feels this constant pull towards something else, something more fulfilling.
It's like that quiet voice inside is screaming, get me out of here.
Exactly. And guess what? Mel actually quits. She walks away from this so-called dream job.
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Chapter 3: How do people-pleasing and self-betrayal connect?
Sounds like a classic clash between what everyone else expects of her and what she truly needs.
It is.
Yeah.
And it brings up such an interesting question. What is actually happening in our brains when we feel that tug of war between what we want and what everyone else expects? What's the science behind all of this?
Yeah, it's wild. So there's this part of our brains called the amygdala, which is like our fear center. It's constantly scanning for threats. And when it senses something that could be dangerous, like judgment or disapproval from others, it freaks out. It's like our brain's alarm system is blaring, danger, danger.
Oh, I know that feeling.
We call this an amygdala hijack, and it can seriously cloud our judgment, even when we know deep down that we're making the right choice for ourselves.
It's like our brains are hardwired to avoid those uncomfortable feelings, even if it means staying stuck in a situation that's not good for us. Okay, before we get too deep into that, let's pause for a moment to hear from our sponsor.
Sounds good.
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Chapter 4: What is the 'Let Them Power Move' framework?
That's exactly what I'm saying. And honestly, I think we've all felt that pressure to say yes when every cell in our body is screaming no.
Oh my gosh, yes.
Yeah.
A million times yes.
Yeah. And you're not alone. There was this fascinating study published in Nature Human Behavior and it found that a whopping 68%. 68%. Yeah. Sixty eight percent of people prioritize others approval over their own needs. So it's incredibly common.
That is mind blowing. It's like we're conditioned to put everyone else first even if it means sacrificing our own well-being.
It really is. And sometimes those consequences can be pretty serious. Let me tell you about a case study. I once worked with this nurse, super dedicated to her patients and her team, but she was pushing herself to the point of burnout. Her family was begging her to slow down, take a break. Yeah. But she felt like she couldn't let anyone down. She felt obligated to keep going.
I can relate to that feeling.
Yeah. And ultimately, the pressure she was putting on herself led to a panic attack at work. She had to take a leave of absence anyway.
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Chapter 5: How can you start trusting your intuition?
OK, so instead of saying, I'm so sorry, but I have to, we could say something like.
Exactly. It's all about shifting the language. You could say, I understand that this may be disappointing, but this is what I need to do for myself right now. Or I'm not asking permission. I'm sharing my decision. It's about setting those clear boundaries and honoring your own needs.
I love that. It's like finally giving ourselves permission to put ourselves first.
Yeah. And you know, it's especially important for women because we're often conditioned to prioritize harmony.
Right.
And avoid conflict.
Totally. Like we're supposed to be the peacekeepers.
Exactly. But sometimes those difficult conversations are absolutely necessary for our own well-being. And, you know, speaking of taking lips of faith, I'm reminded of this former CEO who left this super toxic corporate environment to open a bakery. Everyone thought she was crazy, but she had this incredible let them think I'm crazy. Let me build my dream attitude.
Oh, wow. That's amazing.
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Chapter 6: How do you handle overthinking and make decisions?
So one powerful exercise is to start an intuition journal. It's super simple. Throughout the day, as you make decisions, big or small, pause and ask yourself, did I make this choice from a place of fear or from a place of freedom? Just noticing these patterns can be incredibly insightful.
Like becoming more aware of that inner compass, right?
Yeah.
But what if that inner voice is super quiet? How do we even recognize our intuition in the first place?
Yeah, that's true. Intuition is often described as a whisper, a deep knowing that's not always easy to articulate. It might be a feeling in your gut, a sense of expansion or contraction, or even a recurring thought that pops up even though you're trying to ignore it.
Okay, so it's about paying attention to those subtle cues. But what if we're still struggling with overthinking? I know I have a tendency to analyze every decision to death.
Oh, I totally get it. In those moments, I recommend the five-second rule crossover. You've probably heard of the five-second rule for dropped food, right?
Of course, who hasn't?
Well, this is different. When you feel that gut instinct to do something and anything count down from five, five, four, three, two, one, and then just do it, don't give your brain time to second guess you or talk you out of it.
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Chapter 7: What is a rescue audit and how can it help?
Oh, absolutely. For those situations, I recommend something called the rescue audit.
A rescue audit.
It's a powerful question. Ask yourself, am I staying in this situation because I genuinely want to help others or am I doing it to avoid judgment or guilt? It's about being brutally honest with yourself and understanding your motivations.
I think that's so important because it's easy to get caught up in the idea of being helpful or accommodating. But sometimes we're actually enabling unhealthy dynamics. We're just staying in situations that aren't serving us at all.
Exactly. Sometimes the kindest thing we can do for ourselves and the people around us is to set boundaries and prioritize our own well-being.
That makes me think of that saying, you can't pour from an empty cup. It's a good reminder that self-care isn't selfish, it's essential.
love that analogy and it brings us back to this idea of self-betrayal right yeah so often when we're constantly people-pleasing the real case is that we end up living a life that's not truly our own yeah we silence our authentic selves trying to meet everyone else's expectations so it's like this if we keep ignoring those whispers of intuition and putting everyone else's needs ahead of our own we risk losing ourselves in the process
Wow, that's powerful.
It's like we're slowly shipping away at our own sense of identity and purpose.
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Chapter 8: How can self-compassion improve decision-making?
But remember, it's just a voice. It doesn't define you. One of the best ways to combat that negative self-talk is to practice self-compassion. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer a dear friend.
That's a great reminder. It's so easy to be hard on ourselves.
It is.
But when we can offer ourselves that same level of grace and understanding that we extend to others, it creates so much space for healing and growth.
Totally. It's about shifting from self-criticism to self-support. And as we cultivate a more compassionate inner dialogue, we actually start to trust ourselves more deeply.
And that trust allows us to make decisions that are aligned with our true selves even when they feel scary or unconventional.
Exactly. And that's where the real magic happens. When we start living from a place of authenticity and self-trust, we open ourselves up to possibilities we never could have imagined.
It's like we're giving ourselves permission to dream bigger.
Exactly. And to pursue those dreams without fear of judgment or failure.
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