The Let Them Theory | The Messy Podcast
S1 EP7 | When Adults Throw Tantrums | The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins
Tue, 04 Mar 2025
Welcome to Season 1, Episode 7 of The Messy Podcast!Tagline: When Adults Throw Tantrums – How to Stay Calm When Others Lose ItIn this episode, we explore why adults have emotional outbursts, the cost of engaging vs. detaching, and practical scripts to de-escalate and redirect conflict.Key Takeaways:Understand why adults throw tantrums due to amygdala hijacks and unmet needs.Learn the cost of engaging in conflicts vs. the benefits of detaching.Discover practical scripts to de-escalate and redirect conflicts.Practice:Action Step: This week, when someone erupts, practice Detach & Redirect. Text us your wins!Support Us: Visit https://themessypodcast.com to support our mission.Tune in to The Messy Podcast—navigating the chaos of life, one story at a time.
Chapter 1: What are adult tantrums and why do they happen?
Hey everybody and welcome back to The Messy Podcast. If you want to skip the ads and get right into the good stuff, you can sign up to be a premium member on Apple Podcasts. Or you can also head over to our website at themessypodcast.com. We are in the middle of Season 1, Foundations of the Let Them Theory, and today we're tackling something I know all of you out there have encountered.
Adult tantrums.
Yes.
Think screening coworkers, door slamming partners or the dreaded silent treatment. Oh. Buckle up for episode seven when adults throw tantrums managing emotional outbursts with grace.
Yes. The adult tantrum. It's it is a fascinating contradiction, isn't it? We expect adults to, you know, have a handle on their emotions. Yet sometimes it's like you're dealing with a toddler in a boardroom.
Exactly. So before we dive into the how of handling these outbursts, let's go deeper into the why. This episode's source material, especially the work of Dr. Aditi Narurkar, points to this thing called amygdala hijack.
Mm-hmm.
Can you break that down for us?
Absolutely. Imagine your brain as a company. The prefrontal cortex is the thoughtful CEO making strategic decisions. But when stress hits, the amygdala, which is our security chief, senses danger and it can trigger the fight or flight response, sending the whole company into lockdown before the CEO even knows what's happening. That's the amygdala hijack, our emotional reactions taking over.
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Chapter 2: How can understanding amygdala hijack help manage outbursts?
But once you've detached and calmed yourself down, how do you actually engage with the person who's having the tantrum?
Right.
Are there any magic phrases you can use to diffuse the situation?
There's no magic spell, unfortunately, but there are some helpful scripts that can de-escalate things. For example, you could say, I hear your frustration. Let's revisit this when we're both calm. Or this feels heated. I'll give you space to process.
Those are great. They acknowledge the other person's feelings without getting sucked into the drama or agreeing with their behavior.
Right. It's about setting boundaries and letting them know that productive communication can happen later when everyone's had a chance to cool off.
That makes a lot of sense. It's like saying, we can work this out, but not like this, not right now.
Precisely. It's about shifting from reaction to strategic response, which is at the heart of the let them theory.
All right, so we've got the detached part down. Now let's dig into the redirect piece of the puzzle. How do we actually steer these situations toward a more constructive path?
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Chapter 3: What is the 'Let Them Theory' and how does it apply to tantrums?
Well, let's say, you know, you're about to have a difficult conversation with someone who tends to be emotionally reactive.
Okay, I'm picturing it now.
Before you go into that conversation, take a few moments to visualize yourself staying calm, centered, and grounded.
So it's like creating a mental movie of how we want to respond. Yes. Rather than reacting impulsively.
Exactly. And you can even visualize a protective shield around you, deflecting any negativity that comes your way.
I love that. It's like we're creating an energetic force field of peace.
And the amazing thing about visualization is that our brains often can't distinguish between what's real and what's imagined.
So by visualizing ourselves staying calm, we're actually training our nervous system to respond in that way.
Precisely. It's like giving our subconscious mind a blueprint for how to navigate those challenging situations.
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Chapter 4: How to use 'Detach & Redirect' in practical scenarios?
It's like we're creating a ripple effect of positivity that extends far beyond our immediate circle.
And, you know, it's not just about the people around us. It's also about the energy we're putting out into the world.
OK, I'm intrigued. Tell me more about this energy thing.
Well, think about it. When we're constantly reacting to drama and negativity, we're feeding that energy, amplifying it.
Like we're adding fuel to the fire.
Exactly. But when we choose to stay calm and centered, we're shifting our vibration to a higher frequency.
And that higher frequency attracts more peace, joy, and harmony into our lives and into the world around us.
It's like we're becoming magnets for positivity.
I love that. It's like we're becoming, you know, walking, talking beacons of peace just by choosing to respond differently.
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