The Jamie Kern Lima Show
Your Therapy Masterclass! The Holistic Psychologist Dr. Nicole LePera Shares Life-Changing Tips and Tools YOU Can Apply To Your Life Today!
Tue, 12 Nov 2024 05:00:00 -0000
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Full Video Available on YouTube @JamieKernLimaOfficial. Are You Ready to believe in YOU?🙌 jamiekernlima.com 👈 Sign up for my FREE Inspirational Newsletter here and you’ll ALSO get special prompt questions to help you grow in your self-worth-building that pair with each episode!🩷 Make sure to click the “Follow” button for the show on your favorite podcast app, so you’ll be the first to get each episode! ____ It’s Your Therapy Masterclass! You know her as The Holistic Psychologist, Dr. Nicole LePera is a #1 New York Times bestselling author, and creator of the self-healer’s movement with more than 8 million people who follow her on social media from around the globe. And today, she’s giving us a masterclass! Want to know the 1 thing that predicts relationships success or demise? Are you ready to overcome people pleasing for good? Is the silent treatment a form of abuse? Are you looking to cultivate your own knowing, and want to know why that’s so important? Why a conscious check-in takes only 2 minutes and is So important! How to meditate and even how to think your way to an orgasm? Get cozy, and lean in, as today she’s sharing ALL the things with you! Episode Reflection Questions for YOU: Jamie writes prompt questions each episode to spark revelations in your self-worth journey and help you apply the tools and lessons from each episode into your real life right now. Please make sure you’re signed up for Jamie’s free inspirational newsletter jamiekernlima.com 👈 Get my new book WORTHY plus FREE Bonus gifts including a 95+ page Worthy Workbook and more at WorthyBook.com For more resources related to today’s episode, click here https://jamiekernlima.com/show/ for the podcast episode page. Chapters: 0:00 Welcome to The Jamie Kern Lima Show 6:05 On Holistic Psychology 11:12 People-Pleasing Leads to Inauthenticity 18:45 Self-Healing Cultivates Our Knowing 24:23 What Is a Throuple Relationship? 1:02:45 1 Thing Predicts Relationship Success or Demise 1:12:48 The Worst Form of Cancel Culture 1:45:44 Is the Silent Treatment Abuse? 2:19:34 Conscious Check-In: A 2 Min Daily Practice 2:30:27 Meditation Is Simply Being Present 2:35:23 Can You Think Your Way to An Orgasm? It’s such an honor to share this podcast together with you. And please note: I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is NOT intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. This episode of The Jamie Kern Lima Show was filmed & produced by Impact Theory Studios: https://impacttheory.com/ Click Here to Subscribe to the YouTube Channel Follow me here: Instagram TikTok Facebook Website — Sign up for my inspirational newsletter for YOU at: jamiekernlima.com — Looking for my books on Amazon? Here they are! WORTHY Believe IT
Chapter 1: What is Holistic Psychology?
Are we wired to not be monogamous? You are in a thruple, right? So a couple is traditionally defined as two people in a committed relationship. A thruple is three.
There were people who did not accept it. To begin to explore and for many of us, redevelop a relationship with ourselves.
It is in our bones for so many of us to assign responsibility and blame to our partner, to whoever else, or how we feel.
The way to live the most fulfilled, expressed life is by turning.
When you say that to somebody else, like, you made me feel a certain way, it's essentially saying you have the power to decide my feelings. And they actually don't. If we're aware of it. And if we take it back, which I think is a big shift.
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Chapter 2: How Can I Stop People-Pleasing?
I have these high explosive arguments, crazy feeling arguments, and then this passionate makeup sex. afterward. I think secure, grounded connection is secure, calm. It's grounded. And I think another thing, indicator that often we see in relationships is if we self-sabotage them. If we push people away as I had done for many years when we really wanted them closed.
I have read that you can think yourself into a actual orgasm. Is this true, Dr. Nicola Pera? Before we jump into this episode, I'd love to invite you to join this community to hear more interviews and one-on-one conversations with me and you to help you truly believe in yourself, trust yourself and know you are enough so that you can become unstoppable in living your best life.
All I want you to do is click on the subscribe button. I love your support. It's incredible to see your comments and how many of you are sharing these episodes with everyone else. And I'm just so grateful to be here for you. And I'm so excited to go on this journey with you. So thank you for subscribing. It means so much to me. Who you spend time around is so important as
Energy is contagious and so is self-belief. And I'd love to hang out with you even more, especially if you could use an extra dose of inspiration, which is exactly why I've created my free weekly newsletter that's also a love letter. to you delivered straight to your inbox each and every Tuesday morning from me.
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Subscribe at jamiekernlima.com or in the link in the show notes. Jamie Kern Lima is her name. Everybody needs Jamie Kern Lima in their life.
Jamie Kern Lima. Jamie, you're so inspiring.
Jamie Kern Lima. Jamie Kern Lima. You know her as the holistic psychologist. Dr. Nicole LaPera is a number one New York Times bestselling author, and more than eight million people follow her online in a movement that she has literally created that's all about self-healing. She's also a dear friend. I am so honored and so excited that she is on the show.
Nicole, welcome to the Jamie Kern Lima Show. Jamie, thank you for having me. waiting for this. Thank you for allowing me to be part of your beautiful show. I'm so grateful that you're here. And, you know, for so many people who maybe they're meeting you for the first time. I know in 2017, you were a practicing clinical psychologist and kind of fed up with traditional psychology.
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Chapter 3: What is a Throuple Relationship?
science that included the body, our nervous system, nutrition, and really how powerful, in particular, our subconscious mind is. It opened so many doors for me and inspired me to then begin to not only think about myself holistically. Yes, I have a powerful mind, though I'm also, for me, living in a body that's carrying a lot of trauma, a lot of dysregulation from my earliest experiences.
And I, like most of us, are running on that blind autopilot, which allowed me to understand why the clients I was working with were struggling to, as I say, build that bridge from insight into action or to really make use of the conversations we were having and the tools that we were having.
having gone on my own individual journey of change, incredible change, transformation, it inspired me to then update my practice. So really simply holistic is honoring the powerful mind, the body that we're all living in, the physiological imbalances that are driving many of our repeated patterns.
I know you went to one of the top schools, more than one in the country. And here's what I want to ask you as you say this. For me, Nicole, when I was in my 30s and dreaming of changing the entire beauty industry. I had people tell me, you can't change the beauty industry. And I mean, I was walking into this industry of giants. And as you share this part of your story, I'm imagining you in 2017.
35.
So I want everyone listening to just put yourself in the spot right now. So you're 35. You've had some of the best training in the world, right? And there's all of this history in this massive industry of what psychotherapy looks like, of what it means to be a clinical psychologist. And you're thinking... This isn't it. This isn't it.
And having that moment, because a lot of times, I just want to speak to every, especially every woman listening to this right now, we have these ideas and we realize, wait, well, maybe I could do this better or different. Maybe I could help more people because I'm frustrated that it's not helping me enough or maybe it's not helping my patients enough.
Was there a part of you that thought like, who am I to think I could change an entire industry? Because you probably didn't know then that fast forward to right now, you would have millions and millions of people all around the globe saying that what they were doing maybe wasn't working with their therapy or they're supplementing it now and kind of combining it with
with everything that you teach and you've really created this movement and shifted an entire industry.
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Chapter 4: What Predicts Relationship Success or Demise?
And absolutely, a lot of people in my community membership, Self Healer Circle, have access to the supportive professionals, are in therapy themselves, and are also engaging in community-based healing, which became such a priority for me as I was creating the platform on Instagram and seeing how global the community was, how many people were
living the same struggles and empowering themselves to change in the same ways, I became acutely aware of the lack of accessibility, especially outside of the states, the United States here.
So for me, knowing that not everyone will have access to the helping professionals or to the financial resources to be able to utilize those services, community-based healing is number one, a priority in addition to free and accessible content on my social media pages.
After reading so many, so many stories out there, so many testimonials out there, there are so many people saying that they have shaved years off of their healing journey by doing this, by combining their self-healing with the access that they have to traditional therapy. And so just to kind of clarify this as well, because I think with anything new, with anything that's shifting things 100%.
I appreciate, Jamie, you bringing that up because I do see misinterpretations actually to the extent where people have believed me to be cited saying, don't go to therapy. And that's never a statement that would come out of my mouth. I truly believe we all need a safe, secure relationship somewhere. Though again, not all of us have access to it. And actually when I...
began my healing journey and discovered all the ways I was suppressing my wants and needs like I was describing earlier and needing to create space. And I made the very difficult choice to separate, to take some time away from my family of origin.
It ended up being about a year and a half for me to just begin to rediscover who I was outside of those very enmeshed, codependent relationships where I didn't know who I was outside of the function I played in my family, which was a lot of reliance my family had had on me for a very long time. And After that period of separation, we reunited in a family therapist office.
That's where my family very gratefully took my exit to be an inspiration for them to do some of their own self-reflection, some of their own beautiful work in healing and creating changes in their own individual relationships and their own dynamics as a family.
And then we all made the shared decision to reintegrate and to explore new dynamics, new boundaries moving forward that would better work for all of us, allow us all to be in a deeper, more authentic relationship. And we did so in a therapist office. So therapy, I think, can be incredibly beneficial. Again, I also know not all of us have access to it.
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Chapter 5: Is Silent Treatment Considered Abuse?
There's so much more coming up in this episode. You are not going to want to miss it. But first, I wanted to share this with you. In life, you don't soar to the level of your hopes and dreams. You stay stuck at the level of your self-worth. When you build your self-worth, you change your entire life.
And that's exactly why I wrote my new book, Worthy, how to believe you are enough and transform your life for you. If you have some self-doubt to destroy and a destiny to fulfill, Worthy is for you.
In Worthy, you'll learn proven tools and simple steps that bring life-changing results, like how to get unstuck from the things holding you back, build unshakable self-love, unlearn the lies that lead to self-doubt, and embrace the truths that wake up worthiness. overcome limiting beliefs and imposter syndrome, achieve your hopes and dreams by believing you are worthy of them, and so much more.
Are you ready to unleash your greatness and step into the person you were born to be? Imagine a life with zero self-doubt and unshakable self-worth. Get your copy of Worthy, plus some amazing thank you bonus gifts for you at worthybook.com or the link in the show notes below. Imagine what you'd do if you fully believed in you. It's time to find out with Worthy.
Who you spend time around is so important as energy is contagious and so is self-belief. And I'd love to hang out with you even more, especially if you could use an extra dose of inspiration, which is exactly why I've created my free weekly newsletter that's also a love letter to you delivered straight to your inbox each and every Tuesday morning from me.
If you haven't signed up to make sure that you get it each week, just go to jamiekernlima.com to make sure you're on the list and you'll get your one-on-one with Jamie weekly newsletter and get ready to believe in you. If you're tired of hearing the bad news every single day and need some inspiration, some tips, tools, joy, and love hitting your inbox, I'm your girl.
Subscribe at jamiekernlima.com or in the link in the show notes. And now more of this incredible conversation together.
I would have maybe had aversion. I mean, there was attraction there, of course, though I wouldn't have allowed myself to engage with it because I would immediately have worried what that meant about my relationship with Lolly. So I'm indebted to Jenna. She's always been someone. We come from very different backgrounds and very different paths that led us to working together.
being in a personal relationship though her path has always been heart-led, heart-driven. She was always very clear. So her courageous moment of coming to both of us and acknowledging without any expectation of what the two of us would think or do with the information was so relieving because it did give language to something that was beneath the surface for all of us.
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Chapter 6: What is a Conscious Check-In?
And what that then looked like was pushing myself past my physical limits, not even being connected, as I shared earlier, to what my emotions were. If I had an instinct of what I needed emotionally, feeling way too vulnerable and almost anticipating that my person that I would go to in that moment would show up just like my mom once did, which was be unavailable.
So I kind of played this subconscious tape forward, convincing myself out of even being open for the support that I needed. So loneliness was such a theme. I carried it through my life. I viscerally can feel, for me it feels like a pressure on my chest, like a hole. And I remember being a child and having that feeling, being in relationship and feeling alone in a crowded room.
And again, that commitment to being myself was really a commitment and desire to find authentic connections with other people. And seeing social media technology as it was evolving and seeing it as being a possibility
for not only me to create space for authentic self-expression, but I still remember the days of AOL chat rooms when my mind was blown open that, oh, I could talk to people on the internet. One of my desires was to find authentic relationships. Though technology, in my opinion, like all things, can be used in so many different ways.
There are people that use technology to present different non-authentic aspects of themselves and their lives. Technology can be a distraction where we're just scrolling and not actually present to ourselves or to our relationships. We're using it. as a protection from being present to whatever might be there that might be overwhelming us or that might be uncomfortable for us.
So technology in general, I think, is not the issue per se, though learning how to be a conscious participant in technology, determining if you are using it for endless comparisons to feel bad about yourself, to validate that deep feeling of unworthiness.
If that's the reason you're using it, or using it to distract yourself from deeper things that are happening, then we don't have to shame the fact that that's what's happening right now. Oftentimes that's a learned habit. A lot of times it's aimed at protection.
We could begin to be a more conscious consumer, putting boundaries up for ourself, determining how we're maybe using technology and presenting ourself. When I hear loneliness, what I kind of translate that to is we desire authentic relationships.
And to get an authentic relationship, there has to be authenticity that we're giving out to attract the type of relationship that we want, not the mask that we think is keeping us protected.
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Chapter 7: How Can Meditation Help Us?
And maybe those things are important, but what you're saying is you were doing all those things most of your life and felt completely lonely. You felt lonely in crowded rooms. You felt lonely around people. You felt lonely in relationships. And it was through learning who you truly are, showing up authentically, that you're able to actually have connection.
So I think this is powerful because a lot of people out there are thinking, I'm going to solve my loneliness problems once I make friends or once I get in a relationship or Once I start going to social activities, but you can do all those things and feel so lonely if you're not actually showing up as who you truly are.
And so on that question, because I know we talked about this a little bit about how there's just such a fear. If I am me, I will not be loved. I wrote a whole chapter on it in my book, Worthy. If I am me, I will not be loved, which is a lie we tell ourselves. What are some steps people can do right now who maybe have these thoughts? I have had these thoughts my whole life.
Oh, I'm too different or odd or People used to always call me crazy, all of these things, just because I had different ideas or thought differently about things. And I think so many of us think that there's something wrong with us. And if we fully show everything, we won't be loved.
And so for everyone listening right now, what are some steps they can take right now to start stepping in to showing up as who they truly are? saying what they truly mean, actually tuning into how do you even truly feel? A lot of us have worn a mask for so long, we don't even know. So like, how do we do that?
I think it's really important to normalize not knowing. Because again, I think this is another area as we get older in years, we criticize and shame ourselves for questioning who it is that we could be, for coming to the awareness that we don't know what we think, what we want, what we need. And I think that that's another area.
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Chapter 8: Can You Think Your Way to an Orgasm?
And even going back to what you were saying, I'm really happy you clarified that. If we're not being who we are in all of these different circumstances, unconsciously what we're doing is continuing to validate that belief that we can't be who we are. We gather friends, we put ourselves out there in all these situations, and if we're still not feeling that connection that we're desiring...
The only way that our subconscious mind is going to make sense of it is, oh, because this is continued confirmation that I'm not worthy. So the practical is to become aware, not first of what we want or what we need or even being able to make choices in that direction, is to becoming aware of what are our habits? How are we showing up? How do we think we have to show up for other people?
What is the role that we're playing in our relationships?
Mm-hmm.
Because until we see in action what it is that we're doing, all of the moments where we're instinctually saying yes when we mean no, we're not even pausing to check in, just showing up as many of us do as the caretaker, always in service of someone else, maybe even thinking that that's what selflessness or love is.
We have to see in action the habits that are creating the dynamics that we're playing in our relationships or that are keeping our focus away from the most foundational relationship, which is with ourselves. And then in those moments where we see ourself instinctually going to play that role, hitting pause, delaying the conversation or the response, and giving ourself time and space.
When I was sharing that one of the most difficult decisions, if not the most difficult decision I made, was to take space from my family. And that was because of no fault of what they were doing or not doing. That was because I was so instinctually programmed to just show up in service of whatever they needed in any given moment that I didn't have that space to pause.
And as I made that choice to take the time away to give myself that pause regardless of how they were feeling in reaction to it, in fear of how they were feeling, in concern about would they even want to reconnect with me, though very affirmed that I needed that because I couldn't separate myself otherwise. And then I got curious.
And then I spent time not even shaming myself in terms of what entertaining, asking ourself the question. So practically, again, breaking the habit. A lot of times that means hitting the pause in those moments where we're instinctually compelled to act or play the role. And then not judging ourself for needing time and space to turn inward, to begin to explore, ask ourself.
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