The Hilary Silver Podcast
Feeling Lost? 6 Practical Tools To Discover What You Really Want
Fri, 14 Feb 2025
So, you’ve hit a new phase in life—kids don’t need you as much, work feels like a never-ending rerun, and suddenly, you’re left with space. But instead of feeling free, you’re stuck wondering, "What the hell do I actually want?" Don’t worry, Hilary is here to drag you out of the “what now?” spiral and help you find your spark again. In this episode, Hilary tackles that “I don’t even know what I want” dilemma with practical tools and a hefty dose of real talk. If you’ve been so busy playing all the roles—mom, career badass, caretaker—that you’ve forgotten who you are outside of them, this one’s for you. Episode Highlights: Jealousy isn’t a vibe killer; it’s a clue. Start paying attention to what makes you envious—it’s pointing you toward your desires. You don’t have to overhaul your life in one go. Experiment, try stuff, and ditch what doesn’t fit (looking at you, Airstream). Forget practicality for a second—what would you do if you had no limits? Episode Breakdown: [00:00] Finding What You Truly Want [03:11] Exercise 1: Become a Master Observer of Yourself [05:17] Exercise 2: Use Jealousy and Envy as Clues [06:00] Exercise 3: The Magic Wand Question [07:14] Exercise 4: Experiment Without Commitment [08:27] Exercise 5: The Life Zone Exercise [09:31] Exercise 6: Focus on Your Feelings [10:55] Honoring Your Feelings in Daily Life [12:10] Self-Satisfied Program and Conclusion Ready to put yourself back at the top of your priority list? Check out Hilary’s Self-Satisfied Program: https://hilarysilver.com/shop/ for guided exercises (like the life zone!) and actionable steps to reclaim your time and energy. 👉 Subscribe, rate, and share this episode with someone who’s also stuck asking, "What do I want?"
Chapter 1: What is the focus of this podcast episode?
Do you feel like you've hit a point in life where you suddenly have space and time that you didn't have before? Maybe your kids are more independent now and they just don't need you as much. Or maybe you've hit a career plateau or you're even facing an empty nest, but you don't really even know what you want to do with that time.
You know you want something more and you need to find something, but the question is what? Today, I'm talking directly to those of you who don't even know what you want. It's something I hear all the time. Hillary, I don't even know what I want. How can I manifest something if I don't even know what I want? So if that's you, you are in the right place.
By the end of this episode, you will have some practical steps and tools and ideas and exercises to figure it out. And trust me, this is a journey worth taking. Hi, it's Hillary. Welcome to the Thanks for tuning into the conversation today.
If you haven't already, it would mean so much to me if you'd take a minute to just click that five-star rating on your podcast app, leave a review and subscribe so you never miss one of my episodes. And if you're enjoying this podcast, please consider sharing it with a friend because if you like it, they will probably like it too.
I want to quickly start by expressing my deep gratitude for all of you who've been listening to this podcast and watching on YouTube. Last week, CastBox and Apple Podcast ranked this show number five in the self-improvement and education categories. It feels amazing, so thank you for the comments, the ratings, the reviews, and sharing with your friends.
It means so much to me, and I just hope that you continue to find value in what I'm sharing. So let me tell you why I'm tackling this topic today. I've been getting so many messages from all of you saying, what if I don't know what I want? I'm still stuck in the what I want part. Some of you have started using my daily journal or are working on goals, but you're not excited about the goal.
So maybe they're not even really your goals. Others of you haven't even started to work on any goals, all because you just don't even know what to aim for and where to start. Sound familiar? I get it. I am actually in the same boat doing this right along with you. It is so common, especially for high performing women who've been laser focused on their careers and their families for years.
When work becomes such a huge part of your identity and your focus, and your kids are a priority, you can really lose touch with what you want outside of those roles. And then when you suddenly find yourself with more time or space, it can feel a little disorienting. You feel the hole, the space.
And what we don't want is to fill that time with more work, just because it's easy for you and you're good at it and you're rewarded by doing so, either financially or because it's fulfilling and it gives you purpose, okay? And you enjoy it, yes, but there are other things in life that bring joy and fulfillment.
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Chapter 2: How can you discover what you truly want in life?
Number three, ask the magic wand question. I love this one. If I handed you a magic wand right now and told you that you could just wave that wand and have, be, or do anything, what would you choose? With no limits. This exercise is all about bypassing the limits you've placed on yourself
and tuning into your deepest desires by putting the how on the shelf, the yeah, but I'm not good at it, or yeah, but I don't have time for that, or yeah, but that's not practical. If you put that aside and not limit yourself or worry about how to actually make it happen, what would you come up with? This is not the time to be practical right now. This is an exploratory exercise.
Just allow yourself to think big and dream big and just enjoy getting to know this part of you. If you could do, be, or have anything without all of the how do I get there logistics, what would it be? Would you want to travel the world? Would you want to write a book? Would you start a business or grow the one that you already have? Take up painting, dancing, or gardening.
Once you come up with something, you can later figure out how to get there because you are resourceful. Making it happen is often the easy part. Everything is figureoutable, right? I'm sure you've heard that phrase. Number four, experiment without commitment. Once you have some ideas, try them out without feeling like you have to commit.
People get scared of commitment, so they don't even try anything. You don't have to go all in right away. So if you've always wanted a second home or a vacation home, rent one for a month before you buy. If you're thinking about taking up a new hobby, sign up for a short workshop or a single class before getting a membership. That's what I did. I'm so glad that I did it that way.
I tried aerial dance, but then I got super dizzy. And it turns out you can get motion sickness, not just in a car or in a boat. So that was a one and done for me. We made this huge mistake and bought an Airstream. We used it once and then we sold it. It was harder than we thought it would be. It was a total pain in the ass.
Think about this as a fun experiment, having a new experience and figuring out what truly lights you up. But try before you buy to avoid triggering that fear of commitment that could keep you from trying in the first place. Number five, do the life zone exercise. This is one of my favorite tools to help you assess where you are and where you want to go.
So imagine your life as a wheel divided into sections like a pie chart. career, health, relationships, personal growth, hobbies, finances, and so on. It's an infinite pie chart. Rate your satisfaction in each area on a scale of one to 10. Which areas feel lacking and which ones feel abundant? The answers can guide you towards where you want to focus your energy and intention.
which areas are not fulfilling but that you want to be better. This isn't only about hobbies and activities that you might want right now. Maybe you want better friendships, improve your finances, make a career change, or get involved in philanthropy or volunteering more. Where your focus goes grows. This exercise will help you get clear what area of your life is lacking
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