The Dr. Hyman Show
Why Brutal Honesty Is The Secret To Living A Happier, More Authentic Life | Mark Manson
Wed, 13 Nov 2024
What if the path to happiness isn’t positivity, but honest reflection? Mark Manson, the bestselling author of “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck,” joins me to talk about why accepting life’s imperfections is the secret to true growth. Mark recounts his journey through fame, burnout, and a health crisis that forced him to confront the unhealthy beliefs he’d accepted about himself. In this episode, we discuss: The Impact of Success on Mental Health Self-Help Myths Growth Through Embracing Discomfort The Role of Scarcity in Creating Meaning The Role of Feedback in Self-Improvement Redefining Happiness and Success Tune in for a refreshingly real look at self-improvement, mental health, and the power of embracing the uncomfortable truths. View Show Notes From This Episode Get Free Weekly Health Tips from Dr. Hyman Sign Up for Dr. Hyman’s Weekly Longevity Journal Which diet really gives you the best shot at optimal health? On Wednesday December 4th, Mark Hyman, MD will answer that question during The Diet Wars, a LIVE digital experience. Joined by Dr. Gabrielle Lyon, they’ll break down the science, debunk the myths, and share their expert perspectives to help you make the best choices for your health. Find out more and get tickets now at https://www.moment.co/markhyman This episode is brought to you by Rupa Health, ButcherBox, BIOptimizers, and Beekeeper’s Naturals. Streamline your lab orders with Rupa Health. Access more than 3,500 specialty lab tests and register for a FREE live demo at RupaHealth.com. ButcherBox is giving new members two pounds of ground beef for FREE in every box. Visit ButcherBox.com/Farmacy and use code FARMACY. During November, BIOptimizers is offering $100 with of free gifts with purchase at Bioptimizers.com/Hyman with code Hyman10. Head to BeekeepersNaturals.com/HYMAN and use the code ‘HYMAN’ to get 20% off sitewide.
Chapter 1: What is the secret to living a happier life?
But it's the meaning we attach to things and events that cause the suffering. And then the question is, what causes us to attach that meaning? And how do we get to the root of that and the beliefs that are underneath that meaning we create, the meaning-making machines that we are?
What's also so dangerous is that we often forget that we... Like, you spun up a bunch of stories about a painful event in your life. We all do that. It's human nature. But... What happens most of the time, especially when we're young and we haven't developed enough self-awareness, is that we spin up these stories that cause us to suffer, and then we forget that they're stories.
We just live with them for decades, assuming that that's just the way the world is.
That's right. It gets written in ink, not pencil.
Exactly, exactly. And so I think the fundamental thing that therapy does is help people understand realize that their stories are just that, stories.
And breaking that pattern is what sets you free. Yes. It's getting free of those constraining beliefs, those limiting beliefs that actually are the reason you suffer. It's not the event itself. Totally. Gabor Mate has been on the podcast, said, it's not the trauma that causes the problem, it's the meaning... we make from what happens to us, right?
So the same event can happen to two different people and have totally different effects on them throughout their whole life because of the meaning we attach to it. And that's a very powerful thing. I actually once heard this anthropologist talk about these societies where they had really incredible cultures, where there was a lot of love, where they were highly functional, where it kind of worked.
And they had four criteria that she noticed they all adhere to. First was to show up, like everybody showed up. to us to be present. Those aren't that hard, but harder than ever now. These days, it's pretty hard. Our attention-robbing culture. The third was, and this kind of goes along with your honesty thing, tell the truth without blame or judgment.
So that's a harder one to do, but telling the truth is hard, and then doing it without blaming somebody or judging somebody is also really hard. And the fourth one is the hardest, and this goes to the suffering part, which is be open to the outcome. So if you told this woman who you thought was amazing that you met in Brazil, that is now your wife,
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Chapter 5: What role does discomfort play in growth?
Yeah.
So I don't like the idea of not dying. Yeah.
I'm glad to hear you say that.
I'm actually curious because I- I want to be long-lived and healthy, but I think I want to die.
I'm on the same- I'm 100% on the same page. I would love to live to 200. That sounds great, but at some point, I want to get off the boat, and it's because of this. It's because meaning and value is driven by scarcity, and if- as soon as something stops being scarce, we stop appreciating and it stops feeling meaningful.
And I, so I just, I don't think our, our psychological mechanisms are like built to live in a post scarce existence. Like I feel like this is, so this is the, this is when like the writer in me starts getting really excited. I started imagining like a sci-fi novel of like a person who like realistically can't die. Like to me that it's, it's,
It seems to me that that would be an incredibly bleak existence. Like nothing would seem worthwhile. Nothing would seem important. No relationships would seem worth like he that person would not feel inclined to speak to anybody because everybody you speak to is going to die at some point. So why create a relationship if you're just going to lose it?
and there's just going to be an infinite amount of future relationships. There's nothing special or unique about that. So I think it calls into question is what becomes scarce if death is solved and can anything be meaningful in a post-death existence? And I'm not sure that it can. Yeah, we don't know. Who knows? Maybe.
Do you think, I'm curious, do you think that a longevity escape velocity is possible?
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