The Determined Society with Shawn French
Surviving the Unthinkable: Cheryl Hunter's Journey from Trauma to Triumph
Mon, 02 Dec 2024
In this captivating episode of The Determined Society, host Shawn French sits down with Cheryl Hunter, a three-time bestselling author, four-time TED Talk speaker, and a powerful voice in overcoming adversity. Cheryl shares her harrowing story of being kidnapped overseas and the incredible journey to reclaim her life, transform her trauma into a mission, and help others do the same. The conversation explores the profound impact of authenticity and connection, the necessity of sharing one's true story, and how determination shapes resilience. Tune in for a session filled with inspiration, practical advice, and heartfelt moments that underscore the true meaning of living a determined life. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Chapter 1: What happened to Cheryl Hunter overseas?
You were overseas, you were in Europe, and you were approached by a couple gentlemen. You were approached by a couple of assholes. Criminals. That told you they would promise to make you a model, and you trusted them, and they kidnapped you and pretty much left you for dead.
The torture was real. While I was there, I remember praying. I thought, I am such a bad person. This is what God does to bad people. Wow. And I'm lying there on the cement and, you know, bloodied and beaten. And the ringleader chopped off my hair. Why they let me go and I have no idea. I just got up as soon as the car was out of sight and ran for my life.
Sharp French, what up?
This one look, I let the pain inspire me. I put my all in everything I'm doing. Up until it's done, I'm me for the entirety. I put in overtime. I be working. Just know I'm a gopher, man, because I earned it. They watching. I know it's time. I confirmed it. The whole society determined. Determined society.
What's up, everybody? Welcome back to another episode of The Determined Society. I'm your host, Sean French. And before you go on and listen to this episode, if this is your first time listening, please, pretty please hit subscribe, whether it's on YouTube, Apple or Spotify. Leave us a nice review. Let us know what you'd like to hear more of and where we are doing well.
We'd like to hear your feedback. Today, I have such an amazing guest. It's been a long time coming. She's a three-time best-selling author, four-time TED Talker. She's a TV writer, producer, and just overall an unbelievable badass. My friend, Cheryl Hunter, what is up?
Sean, this is a long time coming.
Dude, you know what's so funny? For people listening, people don't understand how relationships are actually formed. You know how I actually found out who you were? No, dude, you were all over my ad screen. Like Facebook, you were just like in my face, in my face. I'm like, Jesus. Okay, fine. Who is this chick? And then, you know, so I was like, I sent you a follow.
And then eventually Todd Armstrong connected us, um, or, you know, that one agency. And this is something that we've been trying to do for like a year.
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Chapter 2: How did Cheryl survive her kidnapping?
I'm like, November 21. I'm like, good God, can we? I'm like, okay, that's fine. It's something to look forward to. And then it's funny, the other day we were talking, you said, is it Thursday yet? I'm like, it can't get here quickly enough. Like, it just wasn't getting here fast enough. But it's funny, you mentioned, you know, there's no authenticity in social media. And it's a funny topic.
And then we'll get to your background and everything. But I wanted to touch base on that first since you said it. I want to overlook it. It's like everything in life, right? It's what you make of it. And if you can genuinely connect with people, like you really give a shit about people, then you can make really good friends online.
Like a lot of my friends that I have now are ones that I've never even met. But I trust them so much more than the people that live in the same town as me that call friend.
Isn't it amazing if we – in one regard, if you put aside – all the quote distractions that would be there if you're meeting somebody in person, you can really just get to the heart of the matter right away and, and drop all the small talk and go straight for the heart. I mean, I suppose that's right. The truth in any context.
Sure. Sure. I mean, that's the thing. It's like a lot of people don't, I don't think it's a sweeping generalization. I don't want to say everybody, but there's a lot of people that don't truly leverage social media the right way. And they look at it with intentions that may not serve them building relationships. But we've built this relationship over the last year or so.
And I know when in my business, it's time to go and get services that you provide. And we'll get into that. I already have my answer. I already know who to go to. I don't have to sit here and go on Google and interview a thousand different people that don't get me. Cause like, that's the thing, like you've been watching for over a year or two. Like you, you already know exactly what I need.
I don't even have to ask. You probably already know. So it's like, but, but beyond that is the relationship aspect. And it's just, people are missing on it. Cheryl, they're missing a big opportunity.
There's a true opportunity, a little teaser, a spoiler of what we'll be discussing later, but there's a true opportunity for connection that our own stories allow for. And when we portray ourselves authentically and connect to that which is authentic about the other, It allows for, I think, that which we long for most, which is real connection, heart connection.
And then, like you said, if you map that onto business, why on earth would we go to anybody else but the person we're already connected to from the heart? That's who we want to work with.
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Chapter 3: What role does authenticity play in healing?
You know, people that portray everything's okay, a lot of times those are the people that you need to check in with. And I understood what he was coming up with. Okay, no, hey, man, I'm good. It's a lot sometimes because you're constantly serving. You're always having to be on. But like, I look at that, I thought about it. I'm like, am I portraying everything's okay?
I'm like, no, because if you listen to my show, I always talk about my failures, what I suck at and what I need to get better at, what I'm struggling with. So to your point, the power of authenticity is just, it's a premium right now. And I think that more people need to be in that spot where they can open up their heart and say, hey, this is truly where I'm at.
This is where I am, and I'm struggling in this area, but I'm going to celebrate my wins unapologetically.
Right now, like this moment in history, there's an opportunity to do that like there never has been before. Because I think, you know, authors like Brene Brown talking about the power of vulnerability or whether it's normalizing conversations around mental health and even celebrating mental health awareness month every year.
And now we're starting to create the opportunity for people to say, hey, I'm OK or I'm not OK, or here's what's authentically going on. And rather than in the past.
how we would kind of awkwardly sidestep that with other people and ourselves i mean i i hid my own story for well over a decade like told nobody but it's so i'm meaning i'm not sitting in an ivory tower going you people you people who don't tell who you are She's not in an ivory tower. That's crazy. That was an ivory tower. Note to self, find out.
But there's a real opportunity to share the whole of it now. And the whole of it told in the right way, I think – not only connects us to others, but galvanizes an audience into movement. And I think it's really our access to everything.
I agree. I agree. Your story. Okay. Now, audience listening, this could be a trigger for some of you guys, but this is a real-life story, and I want to tell it, and I want her to tell it because, you know, she dug deep down to her story, and she's helped the world because of it, and she's brought a lot of awareness to this.
So you were overseas, you were in Europe, and you were approached by a couple gentlemen that promised to make you... Gentlemen, that's the... You were approached by a couple of assholes.
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Chapter 4: How can sharing your story help others?
Right.
I didn't, when I would go out with my grandma into town or into the mall, she'd try to hold my hand and I wouldn't wanna hold her hand. And I thought I'm being punished for these things. And the big one was, When I was a kid not long before this, in a freak accident, a baby drowned at our house.
Oh, my God.
And I thought, I am such a bad person. This is what God does to bad people. Wow. And so I'm lying there on the cement and, you know, bloodied and beaten and all the things.
Yes.
And I just said, you know, I'll be a good girl. I'll be a good person. I'll do better, right?
Yeah.
I'll be happy all the time. I'll be nice to everybody. And then... They take me at so weird. One of the, the ringleader chopped off my hair before I, why they let me go. And I have no idea, but I'm then dumped in this plot of land lying there in the dirt. The best I can come up with they're driving away and I play dead. That was the best sort of survival solution I could come up with.
And then I just got up as soon as the car was out of sight and ran for my life. But I'm there, I'm alive, and I'm now contending with the fact that, wait, oh, oh, oh, I told God I was going to be happy. Yeah. How? I felt, ironically, Sean, more captive than before. Because now the captivity was between my ears. I now was replaying the tapes of the brutalization, the violence, all of it.
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Chapter 5: What is the importance of connection in overcoming adversity?
If I have nobody in my life now, I can't live. So I'm just going to have to hide. I stayed quite distant from people at arms, kept them at arm's length, but I just pretended to myself when the thoughts would come up. No, no, that didn't happen. That didn't happen. That didn't happen. Not a great strategy, by the way.
Listen, I mean, I can't say yes or no on that. Right. Cause I've never been through it. And I, and I hope that, you know, I want to say hope that someone listening can relate, but if someone has had this experience and they haven't talked about it, I want your voice to be the one that says, Hey, like there's a way out. You can talk about this.
You can be honest about your story and it can help you later on in life, impacting others and, you know, making sure that they're safe, et cetera. Um, but let me ask you a quick question. Like what, what do you estimate? How long were you taken for?
Oh, four days. Oh my God.
Oh my Lord. That's that's wild. That's some wild shit. And so when you were let go, they drove off, you ran away, how quickly were you able to find help and what did it look like in the ensuing days after? I'm assuming you came right home.
No, I was determined to never go home again. I grew up in the really remote Rockies of Colorado on a horse ranch. And it was just heaven when I was a little kid, just riding horses. And every day was a wonderful adventure. Streams and brooks and old Indian pictographs. And I mean, heaven, heaven.
And yet when I got to be a teenager and there were no signs of civilization from our ranch and the nearest town of any size was an hour and a quarter away or something, you know, I, I had to get out.
And I thought, if I now am left with these thoughts, these intrusive thoughts of just these men doing all these things to me and, and my thoughts of revenge, even though I would try to push it down, no, that didn't happen. That didn't happen. Being at war with your mind is a losing battle. And I thought,
if i told my parents i'd have to go back and i would die literally you know you think in such grand scales of course as a kid i would die if i had to sit there and rot away in the mountains away from people no i want to live in the big city i don't know what big city i don't know what i'm going to do but i have to stay i can never go back there
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Chapter 6: How can we embrace trauma as part of our journey?
It's things traumatize each of us. And I, Wherever we fall on that spectrum of unwanted circumstances, things we didn't want happening, I think this could really benefit people. I then experienced, great, I've got this way I could help. And when I was a little girl in the mountains of Rye, Colorado, I used to lie on the ground on my back in the horse meadows.
And I would just – the cows would be grazing and the horses would be grazing. And I'm just lying there among their feet and looking up. The only signs of modern-day life was that planes would fly overhead. We're in the flyover zone. And I'd stare at those planes and think, man – I want to be the girl in the plane.
Right.
I want to be the girl in the plane looking down at the girl in the meadow. And if I stare hard enough at that plane, I may just get sucked up in that plane and become the girl in the plane. Okay. But fantasies aside, if I'm going to be the girl in the plane, I have to have some way, something to give people, some way to help people.
And then I thought back to the girl in the plane and I go, I now have some way to help people.
I commend this, right? It's, there's one thing to go through something so like, I mean, this is just, I'm, I'm thinking I have two daughters, you know, and to hear your story and know, just not even know or feel, but just like hear of what's, what went on. Like,
thank God for you being able to help some people, because I think this is something that a lot of people say, okay, I know this is going on, but I don't know anybody that's, you know, been kidnapped, you know, for, you know, a sex trafficking ring or anything like that.
Like I literally am sitting, having a conversation with a friend of mine that this has actually happened to like it it's awareness. Right. And I feel like, What about – have you ever thought of what about you that they decided to let you go?
You know, when I talked to subsequently people in law enforcement because at that time I literally just ran for my life. Of course. Got aboard a train and just got the hell out of France. Yeah. But I literally didn't care what train, where it was going. I just knew it was going out. And I just said, I'll figure it out at that point.
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Chapter 7: What can we learn from Cheryl's experience?
It's a step up from hell no. Yes. Sure, sure. Right. If we can get to a place where we actually hold it in our hand and embrace it and bring it close to our heart, at that point, it will reveal the gift. And not until then.
That, oh, man. I think, you know, as you said, we all go through trauma at some point, right? Something that we didn't want, right? Something that we did not want. But the key is, and what I think I'm hearing you say, is the true acceptance of it, right? And how can I make that now a part of me so I can give more of me to people, right? And when you finally accept that,
and stop running from what happened is when the magic happens. That's so hard though, right?
Absolutely. And there's a...
Go ahead, sorry.
It's kind of like a ladder. We kind of start with that hell no. This shouldn't have happened. This shouldn't be. To maybe tolerating it or allowing it or accepting it. But then there's a different stage, and that's a stage of embrace and even loving it, which seems counterintuitive and impossible to get to. Yes. When you're in the state of hell no, it's, you can't just leap to, I love you.
That's just fantasy land. And when, if anyone had suggested, I would insist that they needed a swift kick in the pants, you know, it's just, no, you have to go up the ladder steps, but the true gem, the gift is released at not even acceptance, but embracing it and loving it. Yeah. And, and,
You know, I'm not saying for a heartbeat that I condone what these men did or that horrible things should happen to good people or any of that. But what I'm saying is there is no getting back to life like it was before.
No, because it happened.
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Chapter 8: How does determination shape resilience?
But I feel like for me, that moment of coming face to face with who in the hell actually am I? And what am I made of? And am I going to say yes to the shit show that I experienced or not? And I thought, well, I know the cost of saying no to it. I wanted to die. Yep. So just fuck it. I'm going to say yes. And in that moment, it came face to face with who I am.
And I felt like, oh, I get what resurrection means. I get why that's what we can model. Because when we say yes to all of it, whatever our Forgive them, Father. They know not what they do. Whatever the hell that moment is for each of us. The, oh, God, no. Are you kidding me right now? Moment. For me, it was like, oh, I can resurrect now. When I said, yes, yes, yes. This happened. Yes.
Now, what do you have for me? Yes. Look, I love it. Today is the. anniversary of my mom's passing. Oh, wow. She, I stand on her shoulders. What an amazing woman. But I say that because we've got each of us these amazing beings somewhere that we can model. Whether it's, you know, family or not, parents or not, whomever, maybe you might be there out there feeling lonely.
Like I don't have anybody like that. Well, there are people we can model that we don't even know. I mean, Sean, shit, I've been listening to you going, yes, yes, yes. I do have more determination than I realize.
Mm hmm.
We don't have to know people in person, right? But we've got people upon whose shoulders we can stand to serve ourselves, the world, them.
So powerful, man. It's just like... If we just sit there and accept and embrace, like you said, everything in our lives, the good, the bad, the ugly, the shit show, whatever that is for whomever. Make something great of yourself, right? I think, you know, it's so crazy because for me, when I realized what my gift was, it's this. And I'm thinking, what in the fuck do I do with that?
I remember turning around and flipping the phone around for the first time and doing a video when I was creating a Facebook page. I'm like, what a douchebag. You know, I'm that guy now. I'm that guy now. But I never thought in a million years it would turn into this, right? I guess I lie. I did know that this could happen and I'm nowhere near where I want to be.
And I want everybody to really look at that because a lot of people come to me like, dude, you're killing it. You've made it. No, I haven't. No, I haven't. Thank you. Thank you for believing in me and thank you for seeing me for who I am. I'm still trying to see it. I'm still trying to see it. It's not that I don't believe it or I don't see it fully, but it's like...
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