The Adam Friedland Show Podcast
The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Mandal - Episode 89
Sat, 18 Jan 2025
The Adam Friedland Show Podcast - Mandal - Episode 89 Follow Mandal: https://www.instagram.com/themandalman/ Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/adamfriedlandshow.bsky.social Merch Now Live: https://theadamfriedland.show/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theadamfriedlandshow/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@adamfriedlandshowclips Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TAFS Subscribe to @TheAdamFriedlandShow for more here: https://bit.ly/sub-tafs Sign up to Patreon for Premium Podcast Episodes and to Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/TAFS -- LIVE SHOWS: ADAM FRIEDLAND: https://www.adamfriedland.com/tour NICK MULLEN: https://www.mull.dog/live-shows #theadamfriedlandshow #tafs #nickmullen #adamfriedland
Hello, everybody. Welcome to the Adam Friedland Show. This is January 13th. That's a good... Isn't that... Is that a day? What is that day? It's a week after January 6th. Okay, but isn't January 13th like a special day?
That's somebody's birthday.
Yeah. I think it's Beyonce's birthday. Is that Beyonce's birthday? I think so. Joining us today is... Mandel? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Mandel.
Just Mandel, bro. Oh, you don't have a last name? Yeah, just going artist with it.
Okay, cool.
Yeah, full blown, man.
Was there like another Mandel? Mandel's a Jewish name, though. Really?
Yeah, that's like a Hassid name. Interesting, because it's really the Mandel man. I really am the Mandel man, but then people found that too ridiculous, so it just became Mandel.
what's mandel man uh i'm just a mandel man but like what does that mean oh mandel means man sandal oh okay yeah but is that any different than like what kind of what is a man sandal like the closed toe sandal that like somebody like will barbecue in oh like a slipper No, but it's, no, you can go slingback or slide in with it.
Like a croc?
No, kind of, more leather, more like a Stacey Adams, like a leather type shoe.
Okay.
You get what I'm saying? Like something that you would wear.
But you're not, you're wearing Forces.
Yeah, but I mean, as artists, we ever changing, man. Got it. That's a good point.
Are you going to change your name to Force?
That's hard. Yeah, you should make a Mandel Force. I want to do a Mandel with an air bubble in it, like the Air Max.
Okay.
Not like the Reebok pump. Ah, you don't want to, man, the way my feet swell up, I need all the room in the middle as I can have, bro.
They're called Type 2s, Air Force Type 2s. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Air Force 2s. For sure.
What is Air Force 2? That's the vice president's plane.
That's also a shoe as well Yeah They had the F-Force 1s They had the They came out with the F-Force 2s Around like maybe 2011 10 And they were cheaper They were like shittier Nah they were just They tried to like They were Biden Increase the sale You know what I'm saying But people weren't going for real Yeah There was no one waiting in line for a drop Nah Have you ever waited in line for a drop Nah I never been that cool bro I see people all around New York Doing that all the time Yeah
So you're an Atlanta comic. I'm from Atlanta.
You're from Atlanta. You're in town doing some spots. Doing some shows, man. Just trying to be my best self. But I don't think I could move here, man. It's not built for fat people. That's true. Yeah, it is true. The people are smaller. They really using every crack and crevice.
I kind of think the obesity problem in America is because we have so much space. Because you go to Europe and it's all small. If you got fat there, you would get stuck in between your mailbox and your neighbor's.
Oh, I've been getting stuck for sure. You correct, bro. You can't fit in a Fiat also in Europe.
Also, we got rid of phone booths.
yeah you gotta get you gotta stuff it all in i was at my homeboy crib this one knew i couldn't stay here i was at my homeboy crib last time and i had uh the toilet seats aren't built for the amount of torque yeah i'm gonna put on you have atlanta style toilet seats yeah tell us about the toilet seats in atlanta I mean, they just built for real bodies, man.
I mean, I had got up off that toilet seat at my homeboy crib. It came with me, bro.
It shifted.
But it was wobbly when I got on there. So you had to have your own balance.
That's also the easiest thing to fix. When you go into somebody's house and they have a loose toilet seat, it's like you're missing some kind of mat. Not my house. For real? You was tied on there? When I moved into my apartment, I immediately, I took that fucking plastic shit the landlord had off there. I went and I got myself a nice wood toilet. That's hard, bro. That's a nice looking wood one.
And I heat it up. What if you catch a splinter? I got a tank of map gas sitting next to the toilet. And before I take a dump, I just... You ever go to a nice cocktail bar when they make a drink that requires fire? That's sort of the setup. I throw the toilet paper over my shoulder and then I fucking light up the toilet paper.
Yeah, for sure. I ain't gonna lie, bro.
I spin the can in the air and throw it over my back. Half the time I shit all over myself.
That's a good idea, man.
I'm wasting like fucking $8,000 a week on tuxedos. Yeah, yeah. In my cocktail bar bathroom or something. Yeah, you're like a flair bartender.
I ain't gonna lie, bro. But I'm not making this up. I sat on bro toilet and it came with me.
The seat got stuck to you?
Like when I got up, the toilet seat came with me.
Obviously, the toilet seat was loose, but that's more of it. It was a plastic seat, wasn't it? It came up with me. So the plastic, it chemically bonds you because we're filled with microplastics.
I don't know if it was a suction thing or what, but it's a chemical bond. I had to order him another one on Uber Eats.
you got it I ordered one on Uber Eats Uber shits no I'm for real I ordered it from Home Depot Home Depot right now Uber seats I got I ordered Settlers of Catan the other day the board game on Uber Eats yeah you can get Target Target delivers on Uber Eats they used to have like Prime now you remember that yeah I remember that that shit was awesome yeah it'd be like fucking like 10pm and I was like I'm gonna play Luigi's Mansion
Yeah.
I get video games anytime I want. Sitting at home. What's the loudest thing you order on Uber Eats? I've never used Uber Eats. I thought it was for food.
Oh, sorry. I lied. I got it on DoorDash. Actually, I shouldn't have lied to you.
I use Seamless when I do food delivery.
from the same chicken spot like fucking like three nights a week yeah which spot of that peruvian no this is just called the chicken stop or something i have no idea but you get like a fucking you get a shit ton of chicken breasts and a couple of drumsticks it's pretty that's the thing about new york man y'all be having them foods man there's also there's a japanese place i found on seamless that i think there's like a mistake on their menu
yeah and they have um you know they're like they're called like dragon boats or something it's like 72 pieces of sushi and it's like 35 so even with with tip and like everything it's like i pay like 45 bucks to get like a super bowl party amount yeah insane amount now they're red they're a la carte shit like if you got any one of those individual rolls they're like 12 each but for whatever reason there's this thing so it's like if i want sushi i get like a sushi for the fucking week
See, and that's the thing. That's the type of stuff that a person will tell you and try to convince you to move here. I'm not trying to convince you to move here.
I'm telling you something good about my life.
Is he selling you? Is that selling you?
If you come here, you'll be ordering it four times a day. They're like, what the hell is going on? Why are we losing all this goddamn money? Stay in Atlanta. My advice to you is make the slippers I told you about.
Nah, they got to be sling bags.
It's got to be sling bags. Four weeks, you'll be on Shark Tank. You'll be one of the guys on Shark Tank. Because here y'all be like... There'll be a young man that comes on and he says it's a toilet seat that doesn't get stuck to your ass. And the other sharks are like, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. And you're like $80 billion. Yeah, bro.
Thank you, Mr. Wonderful.
I think you got a plan, bro. I mean, I just think they be on some like... I feel like y'all big on the like...
it's a spot down the street with kazakhstan hot dogs you know yeah we say that kind of stuff all the time actually and it's just like okay bro like that's that's not worth more rent yeah but you have to do it for girls if they want to go to queens for a kazakh hot dog you gotta be like yeah that sounds like an adventure yeah yeah but you're just where y'all be finding this stuff
uh sometimes instagram reels yeah yeah i don't really find i don't know about it i've never heard of kazakhstan that's like a thing that it's a well it's not a real thing but yeah there's i don't need it i gotta like south brooklyn i have a life hack free unlimited sushi i'm like living yeah he doesn't have to leave all right but i have to i have to impress a woman filled with iodine
for real yeah well the nice thing is queens is it's technically the most diverse place in the world yeah like they're like uh you can go down a city block and there's like three different languages being spoken but there's like there's like uh what are you doing oh my i mean what is he's got little candies in there little Reese's mini cups that he's he drinks he's drinking some Reese's
What are you having?
Good, man. Just some lemons, man.
You go around with slices of lemon in a zip-up? That's just as funny as the recent one.
Are you doing a physical comedy?
No, it's a southern thing.
Man, is that a thing about you?
This is like William Falkner would do this.
I be drinking a lot of water so I bring my own lemon sometimes just in case people don't have it.
It's southern hospitality.
My grandfather, he got a girlfriend for like after my grandmother died. Yeah. And she sent me to go get her water and she sent me back because it didn't have lemon in it. And I was like, Rebecca, you're a bitch. I hate you. You're not my real grandma.
You should get a holster with a crazy straw in it.
Man, that'd be hard. That'd be sick, yeah. I just like the hydrate, man. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I like to hydrate a little bit. You want something?
Why are you so anti-New York?
You're telling us that- I'm not anti-New York. I like New York.
I just think that you do well here. Can I ask you, is this your Evian water?
Yeah, this is me as well, man.
Do you like Evian? Evian was like the original bottled water.
Wait, how did you do that ship in the bottle?
He built it.
How did you squeeze that in? He grew the lemons in there and then cut them.
That looks too big to get in. Y'all asking some skills now, bro.
I feel like you have very particular things about you that you can now list on our podcast and we can enjoy.
I'm going to be honest with y'all, bro.
What are your most strange tics? Where I was going with that is it was like the first one and everyone's like, oh, wow, bottled water, great. And then, you know, Aquafina came out and Dasani and all the other ones.
Dasani twist it.
That's McDonald's water. There's a viscosity to Evian that I don't particularly care for.
It's a thick water. Evian is one of the best ones. Well, it's like drinking baby oil. It's thick water. Ah, you got it twisted. So Dasani is actually flat Sprite. This came out of an Indian guy's hair. I went to the Coca-Cola factory, and I found out it's the flat Sprite. Atlanta. Yeah.
Yeah, but it's still, I mean, that's just.
You like Dasani?
That's not the flat Sprite. It's the water that goes into making the soda.
Nah, you didn't go to the factory, bro. I'm going to show you.
Well, of course, I didn't go to the factory. I just understand on principle that Sprite needs water.
No, but hear him out. He went to the factory. So check this out. But you know what Dasani is for real? Water. Yeah, but it's not from nowhere. So Dasani is wherever you at, they take that water, and then they put rocks in it.
They send it to Neil deGrasse Tyson. He does reverse osmosis on it.
What do they do with the rocks? They put it in there. But not... They run it through.
Oh, yeah, like purification. It's purified water.
It's not spring water. It's a basket of rocks. They pour the water in there, and they let it drizzle into the bottle.
Really?
Yeah, bro.
That's what Brita is. You ever open up one of those filters? Yeah, it's just little rocks and stuff in there.
What's your favorite bottle of water?
Probably the Essentia.
No, but that's purified crap, dude. I'm spring boy.
Essentia? That's your favorite?
Well, I mean, I just drink tap water.
Oh, man.
I drink probably a gallon and a half of tap water a day. Really?
The tap water's good in New York. I'm not trying to sell you or anything. I drink it even when I'm on the road. You say good as in good?
I stayed in an extended stay recently, and I was just drinking out of the faucet. I just put my head under the faucet and drinking out of it.
That's hard, bro. I couldn't do it. That's the one thing I can't do.
A hose? I love a good hose. You see somebody didn't lock their shit up outside of their house? I love this shit that's like... Especially right now in LA, I'd be going crazy. Free hose. Yeah. People are fucking all their abandoned properties. I'm running up. I'm grabbing the hose. I can't get caught on fire because I'm filled with water. Yeah, that's true.
That's hard, bro. I think, I mean, bro, I think, like, I ain't drunk out of a hole since I was, like, seven. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?
You don't want to even be caught. Because someone might make a homophobic joke.
Yeah. Wait, I'm confused.
If someone sees you drink out of a hose, they might call you gay for it or something.
Do gay people do that? They drink out of hoses?
No, because a hose is technically like a penis, like a tubular penis.
No, it's not. It's a garden hose.
People call their cock their hose sometimes.
Man. See, I'm from a different place, bro. I never heard of it.
I'm from the deep south. That's what L.A. is good for. You'll find some of those people.
They be doing it.
They got press kits. Yeah. You'll have a deck.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love words like that. Deck. IP.
IP is good.
Yeah, shout out Insane Clown Posse.
Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Wait, how'd you fit those lemons in that bottle, though? That's crazy. In this one, man. It looks like they're too big.
It's an art form, man. You gotta be one with the bottle.
that's the problem y'all trying to force the bottle to do stuff instead of allowing the bottle to be what it is you good i'm saying yeah that makes sense you got to redefine yourself around it yeah i guess i've just i've just never tried that so i don't know i've been able i've been able to put like lemon wedges into a beer yeah i don't you got a bottle around here i got more lemons if you want well there's a bottle right there but i'm still drinking that is oh
I can take this down.
I don't really like lemons in my water.
I like straight water, yeah. You like it straight up and down.
I don't like an infused water or anything. Just water I need to hydrate. I can feel myself leaking all the time. Yeah. And I want to replace what's leaking out of me. That's real. What you be leaking? Sweat, piss. That's hard, bro. Yeah.
I be wanting to sweat so bad. I don't piss fire like that.
Really? Well, you probably adapted because it's a little bit in Atlanta.
Nah, I got thyroid issues.
Oh, you do? Is that you drink a lot of water because of it?
Nah, I think I just drink a lot of water on some like... It's quite healthy to do that. Yeah, it just makes me feel like I'm doing something healthy.
Yeah, I feel that way too when I'm drinking water. Like I'm a good boy. I feel like I'm being a good boy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was about to say...
Well, I spend probably two and a half hours a day in a sauna. Really? I take multiple sauna trips, sometimes up to five hours. So you like a health dude? No, I just like the sauna. Oh, okay. I like the heat. I'm like a lizard.
What you be in the sauna doing?
I was just in the sauna before this started. That's where I came from. Really?
He takes business meetings with the Japanese in there. Yeah.
And so does sauna smell weird?
No, it smells like cedar.
Really?
Yeah.
The dry sauna has wood paneling and stuff. It's quite nice.
I've never been in a sauna before.
Really? You should come for a schvitz with us. It was new to me. Until last year, I never really...
so I would go in I'll go to the gym and I'll go in for like 30 seconds I'm like Jesus Christ how the do you do this and then I went like I started forcing myself so I do it's like three minutes and then four minutes and my heart rate would get all up and I feel faint and then after a while like you just get you know more and more used to it now I can sit now I can sit in there for 45 minutes and you feel great after really yeah clears your head of everything
I just can't do no belly reveal like that in front of folks.
Do you not take your shirt off at the pool?
No. I might put on more clothes, honestly. Really?
I had a friend like that with a chest concavity.
Yeah.
And he also had to keep his shirt on when we were kids.
I'm going tuxedo swimming with it.
really full tux yeah you gotta not care about that shit that's what the song is good for is popping the shirt well just going in there you're fucking you're like damn i look like fucking shit and i don't care yeah you know it's dark what does it matter yeah and you also see like an old fat russian man that has a worse body than you
what's the small talk in there what's the small talk yeah like what are y'all talking about it's about other saunas i've gotten into like nine conversations with guys in saunas about building your own other saunas that we've been to like around the country like oh that's a great sauna you've been to that gym that's an amazing so that's a hobby just yeah you talk yeah that's yeah you're
talk about sauna max is building one in his backyard right now and he's been going on r slash like sauna and there's like a there's a guy who's i think he's always been a mystery but he wrote like the book on it and they've to all these guys that do diy saunas he's like they're uh he's the goat in fucking finland they have like a world series of sauna and it's insane because they crank the heat up to like 220 degrees
And then the champions, they can only go in there for, like, five minutes at a time because it's so hot. And then they come out with, like, third-degree burns on their faces because, like, the air they're exhaling is burning their nose and their lips and stuff. And what do they get, like, $200 or something? I think they win a sauna.
And then, but there's, yeah, a couple years ago, they had to, like, stop it because, like, someone died. Yeah, some guy got pretty close to dying or he died or something. Yeah, it's crazy. You look at the picture of these guys coming out and they just have like blisters all over their face. Like, I did it. I won the sauna. I win the win. You know, and it's like, just get into cuckoo clocks, man.
I don't understand. You got other options.
What the word sauna mean? Like, what language is that?
I think it's Finnish.
And it translates to sauna. Hot room.
I think, well, it translates to sauna. Wait, so sauna, you know. It doesn't translate to anything because we just use their word. You know what I mean?
But I'm saying sauna, the root of it got to be something like hot room.
The etymology is something.
Like they didn't look at, they didn't create that and was like sauna.
Yeah, I think they did. For real? In the same way that it's like, you know, I mean, I'm trying to think what's an American or a thing in English it doesn't have. That's like saying, what does Trump translate to in Chinese?
But like dumbbell makes sense. A dumbbell? Yeah.
But they have a name for that in other languages. If in Turkey, they called it a dumbbell. Like in the Turkish language, they were like...
have you heard it what language is this again turkish yeah and they said dumbbell they wouldn't be like well what does dumbbell mean in english that doesn't mean or what is it what does that translate to in turkish and they're like it doesn't translate we just call it the word it's supposed to be
He's really smart, dude.
No, that makes sense. That makes sense what you're saying, man. Like sneaker, that's another one where you get the root in it.
That is a funny word, actually, sneaker.
Sneaker. Sneaker's now global, though. Everybody says sneakers. Nobody says tennis shoes anymore.
They say trainers in the UK. I like that better.
Trainers?
I like that better.
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Pretty sad you can't raise a tree.
Elaborate.
Well, you know, if you had a seed, right, and you're like, I'm going to plant a tree in my backyard, you'll be dead before the time it's like, you know, you can't be like, that's my, that's my son.
but if you get buried underneath it then you like become like part of the you can't get buried underneath it they are doing that you could get you could become part of the soil you can get buried and they can put a seed on top of you but you're already dead at that point afterwards what it's a real thing y'all ain't see them caskets where they put you in an egg now and then they grow it's an egg that they fertilize and a tree grow on top of you you like become a part of the tree
Interesting. That sounds Finnish. It's a new eco-friendly thing you're doing. I want them to put my body in the sauna.
You probably won't dry out. You'll probably be regular the whole time. I look like Nosferatu at the end.
When he gets too much pussy and he dies at the end of the movie.
Is that what that movie's about? Guys, every New Year we set all sorts of big goals, but only 8% of people will stick with their resolutions all year long. What are your New Year's resolutions?
Shoot, man. Take that Ozempic, man.
You're not going to be too big for New York, then? Bro, I'm about to put it in a bottle of water and shake it up like Crystal Light.
Really? Yeah. You're in a double stack? Have you tried Crystal Light first before the Ozempic?
Oh, I've had plenty of Crystal Light in my life.
Yeah, it's great.
It's good.
I was fat when I was a kid, and when Crystal Light came out, or maybe I just discovered it, I was like, you gotta be fucking kidding me, dude.
The pink lemonade craze.
Are you insane? This is delicious. It's how I felt when I found that sushi deal. You know, I'm like, this is unreal that this exists.
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investing your money so that it has a chance to grow in past years i've had resolutions like to stop vaping and uh to stop lying and i've like like 92 of americans i blew it but this year i'm going to make my resolution using acorn to fresh to get that fresh start feeling that is a nice feeling when you feel like you have a fresh start you're gonna feel like that when you leave atlanta Yeah.
I feel like that.
Yeah.
I will say this. Can I say something? Yeah. Oh, my bad. Go ahead.
Go ahead.
Go ahead. I realize I disconnect on the sushi thing. I've never been to a sushi place. Oh, you've never had it. So I had no frame. I've had it before, but I've never been to a sushi place.
The frame of reference is like this. Imagine if you found out you could get like a 20 piece chicken McNugget on Seamless for a dollar.
That's a good deal. Yeah.
And then it was like the restaurant just didn't know. Like it was one McDonald's that like fucked something up on Seamless. Yeah.
But if you bought it six piece at a time, it would be like $25. Gotcha. Gotcha. Yeah. All right, guys, you don't need to be rich. Acorns lets you invest with the spare money you've got right now. You can start with $5 or even just your spare change. Guys, head to acorns.com slash TAFS or download the Acorns app to start saving and investing for your future today.
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Thank you so much, guys.
You know, I recently got like a grandpa razor. Okay. Like a straight razor? No, no, no. Like a rotary razor.
razor electric yeah electric razor does it work well it's so nice dude do you feel like you're like a going to your wall street job well i haven't had my phases never because i use those like phillips one blades for the last like it's not a close shave it's not a close shave at all it's so easy and then this is like i haven't my face hasn't been as smooth since i went from using disposables
I remember my dad had one of those when he was driving us to school. Yeah. And he'd do it while he was driving. I was like, I can't wait to be a man. A 90s man. Yeah, some very 90s. A 90s boomer. 90s boomer man thing. Yeah. And I was like, how does it even work?
No, I love shaving in the morning now. I get on, I put my cream on, and I fucking shave. So sick. Clean the thing out. Put it back on the charger.
I've never shaved in my life. Really? What, do you just use scissors? Like, I might get it trimmed, but I ain't never like straight up like razor the face.
Yeah. Do you have any plans for when you become like a comedy superstar successful?
I don't think that ever happened for me, bro. I'm a professional feature.
I see it. I see it. I'm telling you. I'm a professional feature. I want to be. I know how to pick them. I'm telling you.
I want to be the best feature of all time, bro.
No, come on. You got to think bigger than that.
Some people got. We don't know our roles sometimes. One thing I noticed when this light go to different cameras, that mean that's the camera. That's active.
Yeah. So now it's on the wide right now. So all three of us are in the shot. Now me.
Oh, it's following me.
Now you. Now you and Nick.
Beautiful. Nah, man.
You can try being a director. So that's one, two, and three. So say like now to one. Now to. Or no, you do it.
Oh, yeah. Not a one. Well, I just realized what I was doing in my head doesn't make sense, because whatever number I say, he just go press. Yeah, that's what I was telling you to do. But I was trying to beat him, but it's not confusing. It's only three numbers.
You're like someone in the control room.
Have you ever seen a dot from a laser pointer and chased it all around? Yeah. It's kind of a similar thing. Yeah. Not a four. There's no four. I know. It was confusing.
That was funny, though. That's funny.
Hey, man, thank you all so much, man. You went to three. You got him.
okay yeah four cuts to black did did he make that up today no oh okay okay cool no but nah man i'm just chilling bro i'm just happy to be working bro like this junkies this is uh not a real job bro how long have you been doing stand-up by nine nine years and you started in college No, I started right after college.
And now I care about the L.A. fires because I heard Mel Gibson's house burned down.
Oh, no. Oh, man.
Now it's finally affecting me personally. Yeah, yeah. When they told me Billy Crystal's house, I didn't know. You're like, yeah. That man's a monster. Yeah. Professional. He's disgusting. He's made a billion dollars scaring children. I don't know who Billy Crystal is. He's a monster.
but i will say this though i do think that i do think that wasn't he was he the person from uh uh halloween yes yeah jason jason billy crystal was yeah he's he's in he's in monsters inc which that's halloween
okay i do know who billy oh yeah he's the little monster from monsters inc the green one oh he had a run though yeah that's a good move he's also like the the one of the clippers celebrity fans he's always like been a you know you know how like jack that's a choice to make jack nicholson was lakers he was like the clippers one that's a very like that's a that's a man frankie muniz from malcolm in the middle were the two celebrity clippers fans
I feel like that's a wise decision.
And now Vince Staples also, I think, is a Clippers fan.
It's crazy to have a basketball team named after, like, obsessive YouTube guys. That's good. It's true. The mascot comes out. He's that Australian dude. Yeah. Oh, man. Shine Heights, Andrew.
Andrew Schultz once again. You can tell from his look. Look at the look he gives him. Look at the way he's looking at Andrew. And don't get me started on Bobby Lee. Bobby Lee is Adolf Hitler. He's basically Adolf Hitler. Andrew Santino is an active homosexual with stage three HIV. Yeah. And now he's got a basketball team. Good for him. Yeah. Now he opened a new stadium in Englewood.
Oh, they got a new spot?
The Clippers have a new stadium.
That's a good idea, bro. Yeah, they shouldn't be. It would never be their place.
I hate. They should go away. I'm a Lakers fan.
But I'm saying it would never be a time where people would be coming to that place for the Clippers over to Lakers.
Yeah, I know. It's just unwired. They should go away forever. But they have that Steve Ballmer is their owner, the guy from Microsoft. The guy from, like, yeah, that video in the 90s where he's, like, sweating and he's like, Windows 95, Windows 95. That guy owns the Clippers. Really? Yeah, yeah. What is a Clipper? It's a boat. Yeah. Gotcha. It's a team named after a boat.
They used to be the San Diego Clippers, I believe, before they moved to LA. Yeah, yeah.
LA be taking some teams, bro.
I rewatched WALL-E recently. Was it good? It's amazing. Yeah, it's a really good movie.
WALL-E is so good. Yeah. I like that movie Coco. Have you seen that one? That one's good too. I watched it on a plane and I screamed, cried. I was like, ah! But my mom was sick. She had cancer. So I was like watching on the way to see her. And it's a movie about teaching kids about what dying is. And they do it in the nicest way.
Why would you choose to watch that? I didn't know what it was. I thought it was the Mexico Pixar. I didn't know that it was making everyone else on the plane uncomfortable.
I wasn't, I didn't actually scream cry.
Watch the fucking Banshees of Isharin or something. Don't watch the fucking dead mom movie.
That would remind me of my, listen, I didn't know, I thought it was the Mexico style Pixar. I didn't know that was about the land. Watch the Christopher Reeves documentary. But what it's about, and they tell kids this, is really nice. They say if people die, you should keep loving them. How nice is that?
And people will, like, in the land of the dead, they keep existing as long as people still remember them. And so that's why you need to remember people. It's very nice to tell kids that about the worst thing ever, you know?
Yeah. But the thing about it is eventually we all going to be forgotten. Not Adolph Hiller.
At some point he will too. I don't know. Everybody will. With things going on right now, I guarantee you that he will be a footnote.
At some point. What, the LA fire is going to be bigger than Adolf Hitler?
Probably, yeah. No way, bro.
Trump is going to be bigger than Hitler, dude. Trump is going to be bigger. No way. It's nothing that we remember from Trump. He's not going to beat the goat. I don't know, man. I'm worried about this guy. The only cat we know from Jesus time is like 30 people, bro.
We know Jesus. And then... Pontius Pilate. And Judas. We know his mom. The mom. The dad.
God. God. But that's what I'm saying, like... The devil. The devil.
Who was the... Who was the... Who was they... Omarion. Um... You get what I'm saying?
Yeah. No, I don't understand what you're saying. Yeah. But my question is, who is Omarion?
He's from the band Boys of the 21st Century.
Did he play Roger on Sister, Sister?
No, he was a similar.
No, that's Marcus Houston.
Yeah, and that guy's mentally ill now. Is he crazy now?
He wore a clear suit one time. A clear suit. You could see his penis? No, he had drawers on, but it was like the suit was see-through. Mm-hmm.
That's pretty cool. That's like something Elliot Page would do. And I think it would go a little something like this.
Elliot, come on out. Come on, Elliot. Lisa, put some of those lemons on the ground. We're going to lure Elliot Page. He loves lemons.
We know. That is such a funny thing. Whatever that is, it's so funny. You're literally not in your... You're, like, visiting New York.
Yeah.
So you have to go to a lemon place and get lemons and a Ziploc place and get Ziplocs.
Lemon's not that exclusive, bro.
I'm just saying that, like, you're not, like, picking them up at the apartment, like, where you live, right? But you're, like, on vacation. You're like, I gotta, like, this is part of, like, any time, you know, like... You have this on you at all times?
But if you cut up two of them...
you straight for like two days i'm not saying it's just impossible but what i'm saying is it's deliberate right it's not like you're at home and you got lemons and you're like oh you know like i for my water later today i'm just saying that that's something that's uh you're principled man i'm praising you let me tell you something cut up two of them boys put them in that bag man two two three days you straight is that eight slices
Yeah. But unless you go triangular with them, then you got some more. But once you hit day five and six, that's when you getting too loose because the bag don't have a lot of air flowing through it. So you get a little moldy.
Can I ask you a question? There's an Atlanta fast food chain that they just had opened around like near my crib like a year ago. What's it called? The Slutty Vegan. Okay. So I went in there and they were like – I think it's just a little bit much the way they talk to the customers.
They should have called that place the gay man. Yeah.
They're like, have you been here before? I said, no. And they said, we've got a virgin. And then everyone in the kitchen says like, virgin. And it's just like they make the staff do this to everyone. It's a little bit much.
They be making people call. They be calling. It's a big deal in Atlanta. They're like, you're a slut. People go. People go. People go for sure.
They call you a slut or a virgin. And have you been there before? No, it's not.
It's not. I'm not no vegan. I was vegan for about I was vegan for two years back in like 2010, 2000 to 2012. What got you what got you involved in that? Like. My mom made a bet with me that I couldn't do it for a week, but then I did it for two years. And you showed her. Yeah, but then on that, I was going to keep going, man, but then I had some wings, bro.
That's what, that you fell off with the wings? I did the same thing. I was vegan for like a year. And then you started and you're eating a lot more plants, so you feel good. And then you settle in and it's just, you're eating just shit all the time.
But see, I was in high school, so I wasn't really eating healthy. I was just eating fries.
Yeah, see, I started off the first four or five months, it's like eating a shit ton of, getting leafy greens, I feel better. And then after a while, it's like chips and fries.
Or you go to a place and that's all you can eat.
Yeah, that's right, exactly. You go to a bar or whatever.
I was a big Pringles man.
Yeah, Pringles. It's vegan.
Crack a can open, man.
And then I had barbecue. I was like, I can have a little bit of barbecue. And then I ate an entire pound of brisket. Yeah. I was like, all right. Did it make you feel, did your stomach? I went to sleep immediately. Yeah, that's nice. But I would always do that with brisket anyways. I remember the day you fell off the wagon and you brought barbecue here. Yeah, I think I had already had.
I think I came back from Texas and I had been eating barbecue in Texas. Yeah, yeah. And I came back and I got more barbecue.
You had a taste for it. For blood. For blood.
Y'all from D.C., right?
I started comedy in D.C., yeah.
And you from D.C.? I'm from Maryland.
Everyone's from like the surrounding areas pretty much.
Yeah, man. I was out there, man. The crab dip is good out there.
The crab dip is just, isn't that like cheese? It's cream cheese or something?
But it's got crab in it. Yeah. But is it real crab or is it imitation crab? I couldn't tell, but I had it out there twice out there. And I said, y'all figure that out.
Where did you guys play in D.C.? I'll be honest with you. I don't like any of the crab derivative stuff. Fair. Regular crab is fine. And then crab is only good because it's like- Crab cakes are good. I don't- You don't like crab cakes?
No, not really.
I like them. I like crabs. Lobster tastes better than crab to me. It's too much work. With the exception of like snow crab. I like snow crab. I like king crab. And then I like soft shell crab.
I like stone crab.
Soft shell crab, like deep fried, where you eat the whole thing as a sandwich. But crabs- It's like, it's fun as like, you know, with your family, you go, you know, you get a shit ton of them. You spend an afternoon because they fuck your hands all up. They're kind of hard to eat. But then as a flavor, I'm not like crazy about it. Really? It's more of an event.
Yeah, I don't like the work of the thing. So I'd rather have like the crab this or crab that because I don't want to crunch up the stuff. Right. Yeah It's too much work Yeah That is That You said what? I agree
I went to, at the end of the summer, I went to Brooklyn Crab. And that was, that's a great night. That's a fucking great place.
In Red Hook. Yeah, in Red Hook.
On the water. Especially catch the sunset, especially if you're upstairs on the deck. It's really pretty. Yeah. Statue of Liberty. You just gorge on fucking just butter and crab. And then you look out at the sunset with just shit all over your face. And your hands are shaking and bleeding. And you go, wow.
what a town wow you know the worst thing is when you got like a shrimp dish and they don't take the tails off yeah or they don't clean the poop part out of the yeah that's disgusting man yeah gotta get that out the middle of it they got crap in them All bad. All bad. You from Vegas. What's Vegas-style food?
Guy Fieri restaurants and shit.
We have New York, New York.
We have Paris. The double bastard rock star motherfucker burger.
We have the Lux or the Pyramid. Basically, it's every culture.
It's the child fucking cheeseburger. With Excalibur. You're a rock star, fuck you, fuckface burger. Yeah, yeah. It's the cunt fuck dip. It's a 1950s rocket ship fucking... Do you like... Have you ever wanted to eat a social distortion song? Well, come in to fuck you, fuckface burger. Guy Fieri's favorite restaurant.
this and that's yeah that's what it is this is a suck my dick is pawn stars in vegas yeah yeah yeah it's fake the whole thing is fake yeah what's fake about it uh it's all predetermined and yeah they uh that they go they go to the expert that's all coming in i got some fat sized oakley sunglasses i'll give you 25 for them
so the interaction is fake i guess so i never watched that show i watched storage wars though i found a guy on youtube he's like an israeli guy that owns a pawn shop and he just like everything he's like yeah okay but you know this jacket's fake look the zippers are wrong like everything that comes in he just shows like he knows well he knows what things are fake no matter what he's like well this is he's like this isn't a real george foreman girl you know it's like every everything
i for some reason as a kid i got obsessed with the george foreman grill like the infomercial and i was like dad please get one for our family i was like you'd be an idiot not to it knocks out the fat i was like and he's like i don't know it doesn't seem like we need i was like do you care about our family like it knocks out the fat do you see like
I don't know why I really wanted us to have one, and he bought one.
Was you cooking on it?
Yeah.
It is pretty ingenious. It's just a slanted panini press. It's a panini press. Yeah, yeah. That's all it is.
But it's on an angle. Yeah, yeah.
I will say this.
I had a Black & Decker one that I kept for well into my 20s, and I just lived off. You just get a bag of frozen chicken breasts at the grocery store in the frozen section. You just throw one of those. That was my daily meal for it.
yeah i can't cook like that so like that's not cooking yeah i can't cook at all yeah but you can't cook at all no i can't but the one time i did cook um it was on a george foreman yeah my eyes can't see something going from raw to cook without it being burnt yeah yeah yeah so i can't see the middle of it it's tough they have these things like these uh metal like
like they're called cake testers to see if a cake is done.
I think we got another, yeah, got another ad here.
And you put them in and if it's hotter than your lip, then it's above body temperature and it's done. That's what my roommate who was a chef used to do when he made steak. Anyway, guys, right now, Oh, draft Kings. Have you used draft Kings before, man? Okay. Do you like, um, betting on sports?
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You could be like a guy that does this. That would be great. The disclaimer part.
Well, my favorite part about this is it's like it advertises. What is Jin Ji Bao Ji? I'm trying to figure that out.
You've never left Atlanta? This is your first time leaving Atlanta today?
No. I'm talking about I never moved out of Atlanta.
I know.
You said that. But I lived in Athens when I went to school. Did you like it a lot? It was cool. It was a small city. There's a lot of trees there, right? Yeah. It's pretty. Yeah, Georgia got a lot of trees.
You ever golf around there?
Man, I never golfed, man.
We got to get into golf now that we're in our 30s. Yeah, that's the thing.
Well, you're almost in your 40s at this point.
Nearly. I only have three years to go.
37.
Turned 39. You'll be 40 years old in like six months.
I'm turning 40 in about three months, actually.
Man, and I'm being honest with you.
I wouldn't have thought that. You look young. I know, yeah. You look young. But it's not going to last. I'm going to look like disgustingly ugly one day.
You're putting that lotion on.
I have been. Thank you. I fixed my skin. You noticed.
Yeah.
I mean, we hadn't met till today, but you didn't notice that I fixed my skin.
You look young.
My skin has been bad for like four years.
Really?
Yeah. Nick gave me a great compliment the other night at dinner. You said that I was glowing. He looked a lot better.
Thank you. He finally got the right prescription.
It made me feel good when you said that. How old are you? I'm a 23. That's awesome.
Yeah.
He's got an old soul.
Opposite situation going on.
We met when I was a tutor. I was big brother, little sisters. What was your dermatitis? No, it's, yeah, something, seborrheic, seborrheic something or other. Seborrheic dermatitis? I think so. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's like related to dandruff. Whatever.
You begin to dandruff. Yeah. I begin it sometimes too.
It's really embarrassing, dude.
It's all bad at like a laser tag place. All bad.
Yeah, it's like this guy's got dandruff all over his cum.
That's crazy.
Yeah.
I remember as a kid, like whenever laser tag time, the first time I got exposed was at a skating rink.
Like a roller skater.
Man, I'm skating. They put the black lights on, like, boys, it dust in your head.
You got roasted. Yeah. The worst one you got to have covered. No, it's crystal light. Have you tried this? Because I'm trying to lose weight, it's crystal light. I'm trying to make a change.
The worst one is when you got a hat on, right? So they can't see the top of their head, but them shoulders dusty.
Yeah.
And they like, yeah, you got it.
I've had dandruff throughout my life. I've never given a shit. I put cocoa butter. And people are like, oh, you got fucking dandruff all over your shirt. I'm like, yeah, and it's covered in stains also. I don't fucking care. I got a cum right here. Yeah, there's mustard. There's all sorts of shit. Who cares?
What's your favorite stain you ever had on a club? Favorite stain.
That's a tricky question. Yeah. I tie-dyed a shirt once when I was like six. It's an intentional stain. Yeah, but it's a stain. Dumbass.
That was the fucking question.
It doesn't count, dude. No, it does count. Well, any shirt is dyed. It's an intentional stain. Any shirt is dyed. Repeat the words. Let the words come out of your mouth again. See if you can identify where you fucked up. Say it again. I'm not. Say it again.
You're probably used to this from your time in fraternities.
No.
This is kind of a hazing situation right now.
We're sitting here having a good time. Did you guys do? Did you? So you're the one who started off being an asshole saying, oh, that doesn't count. I'm just saying. What's your question? What is your favorite stain? Yes. I say tie dye. You say that's an intentional stain.
If you say something is a stain on our nation's history, it's a bad thing.
That's not what he said. It's a bad thing. You're the one that prompted it. Is that a correct answer?
I don't want to get involved in this dispute, man. You already agreed. You already said that's fine. Yeah, whose fucking side are you on, Mandel? I did, I did, I did.
He said that because he's scared of you because you have a scary— You're always looking for a way to ruin the movie.
No, no, no.
You have to make a choice, actually, right now.
okay yeah whose side are you on i've been nice man oh my god demographic man what do you what do you mean i don't think you have to pick a side you don't have to pick a side i was just kidding no i already said he doesn't have to pick a side you can't also say you're just you're insisting with you i agree you gotta pick a side and then i say it and then now you're like oh of course that's how i feel of course
I just want to say in this moment, I'm proud of both of y'all. Thank you, man.
I appreciate that. I appreciate that. You know what? You kind of mediated. You kind of got things okay.
We were lifetime. We were career features. Well, me. He was nothing.
I was nothing.
I came from the dust. And now both of us, we've gotten probably a year and a half of headlining out of this last little boom. Yeah, it's been a... It'll go back to nothing, but that's fine. We got backup plans.
You got a good run going. You got a good run. I'm going sauna full time. Y'all got a great demo.
So don't sell yourself short. Nine years is not that long in this business.
Oh, I'll never make it, but...
what i will say is i think y'all got a great thing going man people love y'all i'm gonna be i'm gonna go uh inner city um public school teacher after this i would do that if the inner city's brought back the remember the barrels that used to be on fire all the time back in the 90s anytime you saw those warring barrels there was i was at the time like a hobo a hobo
around the barrel oh I thought they were trash cans no they're like oil barrels and there's always fire in them and there's always diamond plate steel what is it yeah what is the barrel thing when it comes to hobos because there's that and then there's the suspenders with the barrels with it yeah oh because they would go broke and then they would have to why is that the only clothes why is that the only clothes yeah I think it was actually that's like a way to humiliate people like that was like tarring and feathering and then they put you in a barrel also
I ain't gonna lie, so I was about to move when I'm moving and I'm doing like a go-away show and then I was gonna do like a photo with a stick and bendo. Oh, yeah, yeah. The bandana on the stick.
Like Johnny Appleseed, yeah.
Yeah, and then I realized like, bro, that's silly because they could just like hold the bandana.
Yeah, right.
Like what's in the bandana that you need to stick?
Also, it's not that much stuff. You create like leverage, right?
I know, but it can't be that heavy if it's in a bandana.
You know, it could have lead in there.
Yeah, there was on that.
Are you only bringing a bandana's worth of your stuff to L.A.? Yeah. What do you think? What's the priceless thing that you're bringing to L.A. when you're moving? Come on, brother. Do you want a stick for your lemons?
Try it out.
Pete, can we get him a stick?
Yeah, man. Put this on the stick, man.
put your lemons on a stick yeah i think it's a cool style yeah man do you have any other any unique uh ticks like that i got some fake airpods on me right now wait they don't work no they they work but they fake oh they're from like the deli
oh nah I got these at the airport yeah yeah they fake do they like zap you every like now and then nah like people people every time I talk they only play Michael Buble Michael Buble's Christmas you get Michael Buble Every time I talk on the phone, cats be like, it's an echo. They're like, yeah, it sounds terrible.
Yeah, yeah. And you're like, I'm on my AirPods. I don't know why. Steve Jobs wouldn't. He wouldn't do that. He wouldn't do that at all. What was your first show when you started to stand up? What compelled you to start standing up?
Well, I had graduated school, and I was like, oh, snap. Like, I got a low IQ, bro. So, like, I was trying to work jobs and stuff, and I was bad at it. And so I always been a stand-up fan. So then I just tried it one day because my homeboy bet me. And then me and him was going to open mics every day with each other, and then he got a job at IBM. And I just kept doing it.
Because his IQ is high.
Oh, yeah. He's smart. He's smart.
What's IBM even doing these days? They do, like, security.
They do Watson. Cybersecurity is where it's at.
You get you a cybersecurity certificate, you're going to make six figures. What does cybersecurity even do?
They, like, get your enemy's home address. Yeah.
like it might be a business you know it's like cats it's people and you know with hunched over backs and whatnot they typing and they trying to find the data man and they're like chill chill don't do that oh you mean like hackers and stuff trying to like penetrate and they like chill yeah that's what they do yeah yeah they say please stop chill come on come on man for crying out loud
Mr Robot remember that show yeah yeah it was pretty good yeah with that guy Rami they couldn't blink yeah he doesn't blink he doesn't blink and his lips are upside down that's the craziest thing about that guy yeah that guy stinks he's like bottom his bottom lips on the top and the top one's on the bottom that's the worst man do you see him play Freddie Mercury in that movie
No, I refuse to watch it.
I watched it. Man, I ain't going to lie. Freddie Mercury, that movie, I said, put them teeth on. I want them. If I get somebody.
Yeah, big ass teeth.
If I get somebody, I'm getting them veneers for sure.
Oh, yeah.
The Steve Harvey's. Man, I'm chomping down, man.
The Steve Harvey's. Man, what? I'm going to go to Steve Harvey's teeth guy.
I'm chomping down. I don't want my lips to close. No, let it breathe. I've always had asthma. Keep my junk open.
You know what I'm saying? Well, I don't want to sell you off of L.A., but the air quality is probably bad for your asthma right now with all these damn fires. Yeah, man. Seems like you should be moving here to New York.
Are the fires out yet? I check every couple hours.
I think they're working on it now.
i know they're working on it but they only have girls in the fire i also i also don't really know what you can really do for a big ass fire i think it's like they're and this is good this is probably firefighters are gonna get mad at this yeah yeah i think a fire that big you go out you spray the water at it and everybody's like oh my god thank you for the firefighters but i think the firefighters know that you're just waiting for that fire to put itself out you got a kind of letter on this course what good is that fucking plane doing it it's i feel like it's a wide spray is doing
i don't know why i'm doing this y'all know what a plane is i don't really need that but but yeah they go to a lake and they pick up water and then they dump it i think they don't i think it's like a it's like a whatever whatever's inside of a retardant a fire extinguisher they do they use retardant they use flame retardant you know fire extinguisher juice whatever that's in there yeah yeah they got they got 100 gallons in there and they dumping it out on it
yeah i've seen the videos and some of them on twitter they're like look at this beautiful amazing dump yeah they did on the what a dump on the kenneth fire yeah yeah incredible that this helicopter took stunning and i i watch it and it's pretty cool it extinguishes part of it but then you look at the bigger map and it's like oh that's like a fucking it's it's hades
Yeah, it's like it's like basically, you know, like when you get like a birthday cake and somebody tries to blow the candles out and they go and then like they flicker. And then but they come but well, they come back and it's like that first blow doesn't count for the second one. You know what I mean?
Yeah.
And that's kind of how I imagine the firefighting is happening. They're able to do a little bit, but this is such a big fire that you kind of just have to wait for it to run its course to a certain extent.
Huggins lost his laptop in the fire.
just his laptop well he's visiting la and he was saying the palisades so he lost all the clothes he brought in his laptop there's some hard drives and stuff but yeah and then it's not killed anybody that's the craziest thing because the evacuation yeah i imagine a lot of dogs so bad you i would imagine an evacuation alert happens and there's a it takes nine hours to get the starbucks in l.a you know yeah
And then with these, that's working somehow. Nobody's died.
Well, that's a good credit to whatever system they got on.
Because in Northern California, they have fires, and then it's like 30 people die.
Yeah, but those are guys that are hippies that don't want to leave their... you know their intentional living we're part of the fire man it's all boomer hippies fire you have fire you just gotta be positive yeah fucking remember the 60s i i had unprotected sex twice 45 years ago i'm che guevara
Y'all seen that video of that cat with a fire. He had the glass window. And then the fire was like.
Oh, like his sliding door?
Yeah. How'd that guy live? That's what I'm trying to figure out. When you said nobody died, I'm like, how did he get out of there?
How did he live? I don't know. That's what I mean. It's impressive. Now the instinct, of course, is to go online and be like, this is all fake. It's not happening. These are crisis actors. In fact, I haven't even seen any crisis actors.
No.
I think that it's... I think that type of line costs a lot of money now. When Alex Jones got... Alex Jones was saying that it's on purpose. When he got hit up for that line, I think people stopped doing that.
But he's still doing InfoWars. I thought he was going to lose everything, right?
I think he ain't lying. I feel like he's stretching the truth a little bit more than he is lying.
Didn't somebody buy Infowars? Now he still has to do it to pay his debts, but he has to keep lying to pay the debts. He has to do it in a way where he doesn't get sued again. Yeah. That's pretty cool.
Because at first he was straight up lying, and now he'll be like, I've heard. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Put the disclaimer on there.
You have to do the gossip style. Yeah. People are saying. Yeah. That's Trump style. He does people are saying. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it is really fucking crazy looking.
What do we got, 10 days before Trump's? 11 days? Yeah.
Especially for the beginning of this year, 2025, and then we got Trump. It's kind of going to be wild. It hadn't dawned on me. I've kind of been not paying attention to much, but now I'm like, God damn, this year's going to be crazy.
Man, I visited D.C. I went to D.C. for the first time maybe, what, three months ago. And I was like, it made the January 6th even more crazy because it looked way smaller in real life than they do on TV.
Oh, like the Capitol and the mall and stuff?
Yeah. So it's like, hey, man, they really was doing too much. You get what I'm saying? No, not really. Like a cat from like a mile away. Yeah, yeah. could see all these people trying to stuff into this little bitty building. It's like, hey, man, y'all got to chill, bro. Y'all going to jail, bro.
Yeah. Do you think that the Kamala ladies are going to do January 6th for her? Nah. It's January 10th. January 10th. Well, maybe next year they might just reschedule.
They've already passed January 6th. Well, maybe.
Just without incident. But that's the trick because they're going to be like, we're in the clear because January 6th has passed, and then they just choose January 12th or something.
But you got to think about it, bro. Once that cat got shot, they not about to be playing. Who? trump oh yeah once he got shot the security is not casual no more yeah yeah yeah they trying to keep that cat alive right who is the people who work for us yeah secret service yeah because so i think now like i feel like now if as soon as you you could text somebody man i'm about to
I'm about to spray wine on them.
And the door gets busted down.
I'm going to try that. I'm going to text Adam. Just say it right now.
They're going to come get you, bro.
I'm going to see. Don't text me, please.
Why?
They'll come after me, but I just want to see if that works.
No, you got to be in D.C. during the thing. No, no, no. If you text him.
We're in New York. We're the greatest city in the world. Let's see.
I'm sure they're monitoring.
January 12th? I don't know. I just texted Adam. What did you say? I made a threat, and we're going to see.
Oh, my phone's in the office right now.
Oh, okay. Okay.
They better come through this door.
What did you say? Can I see it on your phone? You'll check it on your phone later. What's the threat? The trick doesn't work. Just let Mandel see, I guess, because he's the guest. What did he say?
I'll be a little nervous.
You think I'm going to get in jail? Oh, you're going to jail. But he sent the text. Yeah, but the way it says, you're going to prison, bro.
As your lawyer.
They're sending you down.
I said, as your attorney. You can be my lawyer. I saw your secret letter about killing the president.
I don't want no involvement. You get 20 years, man. I just need you to feature while you're representing.
Oh, I will do that now.
Just do your 20.
Listen, let me say this.
For your closing statement. Get ready to...
i hope you're good at washing clothes i will not he's not good at washing clothes i'm not gonna survive i'm not gonna survive you down there i'm gonna go islam though the second i get there that's a good idea yeah i'm gonna be the first white islam now you definitely be the first one would you grow a beard i can't physically i can't yeah yeah i'm not gonna join the nazis
you might have to i'm a jewish guy they wouldn't take me join this join the zionist latin king prison zionist no i'm gonna go latin king i'm gonna be a foo i'm gonna be an essay it'd be funny if they're after you know like after the middle east thing and now zionism is a dirty word if there were prison zionism gangs and it's all just white guys from like alabama they're like
you a brother of Israel, my friend?
They're like Starry David tattoos.
They're like, well, it's more a prison thing. I don't believe in it. They're like black Israelites. I don't really believe in this stuff, but you know, I mean, it's about survival on the inside. You gotta be a Jew. You gotta stick with your own kind.
But why I feel like this actually happened in some capacity. Probably, yeah.
Soon.
You know what I'm saying?
I'm not... Coming up on Lock Up Raw. You're going to jail, bro. Skinhead Jews.
I'm not going to go to jail, dude. I can't. Seriously. But if it's a federal crime, there is a Jewish... The Jews of Mississippi State Penitentiary. There's a Jewish prison for white-collar crime. There's one prison where they have kosher food and stuff, and you just lie that you need to go there. Wow. And you get to play tennis and stuff. Wow. I'll go to that one.
I'm not going to say. Say it. It's a conspiracy. That sounds a little.
Come on. What are you saying?
Special treatment. Nah, man. You can say it. It's all right. Nah, I'm the number one. Mandel, just say it, dude.
Because he's moving to L.A. You can't say it on your spine list.
Oh, bro.
They're not looking into the future.
Oh, bro. Let me make something clear, man. I'm trying to change my family life, man. I'm absolutely going to keep my opinions to myself.
But God bless everybody. Everybody in their own time. Spoken like a true alpha male. Mandel, thanks for joining us.
It's been a lot of fun, man. You're the man.
All right.
Thanks, guys.