Pablo Torre Finds Out
Share & Cinderella & Tell with Lucy Rohden and Rodger Sherman
Thu, 20 Mar 2025 09:00:00 -0000
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What would you do if you got hit by a stomach bug while driving a Nissan Sentra? Are UNC grads actually bigger a$$holes than Duke fans? Should you pick your bracket solely based on mascots? And how would you create the ultimate sports bubble? Plus: Chihuahua Guy, Lady Cocks, Gentleman Zips, @RamsesBalls, fate, destiny, peace accords and snitching on Hawkeye Elvis. • Subscribe to the Read Rodge newsletter: https://rodgersherman.substack.com/ • Watch "Off-Rohding" with Lucy Rohden: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GbPIlsADdT0&list=PLRsPi_fqIjreCx526Na0R_JI7xxO6rfML Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Chapter 1: What happened when Lucy got sick while driving?
I've been thinking about this a lot in recent days. And like the conference tournament season is the number one event for like the third tier sporting arenas besides like AEW wrestling. And it's also the number one week for Red Panda. She does like three tournaments that week.
I don't know like how she travels so efficiently. Does Red Panda have a private jet is the question because she'll be at the Big Ten tournament and the next day she's in Charlotte. Red Panda absolutely does not have a private jet. I don't know.
She lost her unicycle in transit one time. Well, that's why she needs one.
But the list of people who deserve a private jet, number one is Red Panda. I believe so.
I remember one time the ACC and the Big East were both in New York. The ACC was at Barclays and Red Panda did both. And I was like, good pull, Red Panda.
That's like Deion Sanders. Yeah, it's just. No one does it like her. She's a star. Should be a Hall of Famer. We've tried to crusade for this. We continue to crusade for this. It's a pablatory topic for sure. I mean, she's just the greatest.
And you know something? Every time when I saw her at both the Big East and the ACC, both times I was like, this is incredible. This is better than the basketball.
Have you seen the Chihuahua guy?
You know, he's trying to steal her thunder.
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Chapter 2: How does Lucy feel about college basketball fan culture?
One quick question. Is there any chance because it was so green that people were like, that's not vomit?
I don't know what they thought. Like, it was everywhere. My hair was on my face. It was all over my body. And this was a crowded, like, gas station in South Carolina for some reason. Everybody was there, and I was like, I don't care. I will say that father of the year, I got back. I'm, like, sobbing and covered in vomit. My dad was like, just go throw up. And he cleaned out all the vomit for me.
Oh, man. And he didn't get the stomach virus, which that kind of pissed me off. Like, thanks for your help, but you should have gotten it. I should have been contagious. Which is all to say that in the time that you guys hung out together, Roger remained unvomited upon. No, I never puked in front of y'all.
I do not know you as a vomiter, a projectile vomiter.
It was so bad. It was like the exorcist.
I'm really glad we asked her. I wasn't expecting that much detail about the vomit. I thought she was just going to say, yeah, it was bad.
This is the journalism that we all aspire to. It was so bad. It was awful. Tough, tough scene. So this is the time when we contemplate. Yeah, the cosmic celestial fates of the teams on this bracket. They gave us paper brackets. We have paper. I don't have a printer. We have printed out paper brackets. I'm so excited.
You guys have spent so much time around college students, college athletes, that your interpretation of how this is going to go from a metaphysical level is actually news I could use. And Roger, I feel like you have done, as is your want, as is your Substack's whole deal, a genuinely insane amount of research. So how do you assess the four quadrants on this bracket?
First of all, I don't pay attention to any of the teams with single digits. You know, there's several teams that are apparently good at college basketball this year. We're not here to talk about those. No. We're here to talk about the teams that went like 17-1 in their conferences, and I believe they can pull the upset. And also, they've never been to the NCAA tournament before.
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Chapter 4: Why is Red Panda a beloved halftime performer?
Yeah, but imagine me looking. I actually pretty much look 16 right now. You look 15.
I looked 12 at the time, which is important for the story, actually. So he's like, you're the reason UNC lost. I'm like, hey, man, no, I'm not. I didn't do anything. And I was really nice. Like, I was like, hey, I'm sorry. Like, you know, these things happen. And he was like, who do you think you are coming to a basketball game cheering like that? I said,
I feel like this is the one socially acceptable place for me to do that. And, like, I'm a kid. I'm like, and he's got to be in his 70s. Like, he's got a sweater vest on. And so I'm like, um, you know, it's, I'm sorry, sir. It's just a basketball game. Like, we never get to see our favorite team. Like, and they won. Like, it's a big deal for us. And he hits me. What? I know. I was a child.
I was a baby. So he shoves me. He pushes me back into my seat. I'm like, what? What? I'm sorry. I feel like I am responsible for retroactively filing a police report.
So here's how that went. So I'm like, what? I was just hit by an old man. And his wife is like, oh, no. But these lovely Iowa fans had come and sat with us during the game. So one of them was a professor of law at Wake Forest. And she was like, hey, man, you just assaulted a 12 year old, which, by the way, we had been talking the whole game. And I was like, oh, she's
thought I was 12 years old this whole time. Like that really hurts my feelings. And it looks like I was 12 years old and I was dressed like I was 12 years old. Like I was dressed way too intensely for a Tuesday night basketball game in Chapel Hill. So they had to go get security because, well, he hit me. So security comes and my dad's like, we need to get out of here. We have to leave.
And I was like, no, we have to stay with Tiffany. She fought for my honor. And then he was like, no, we have to leave. And I left and I was like, I will never go to Carolina because that's the school I wanted to go to. And I hate them. So when Cooper Flagg's mom was like, yeah, these fans sucked and they were horrible, I knew she was telling the truth.
Right, so in other words, quote, a big F you to the entire Carolina fan base for being classless a-holes. Yeah, I bet it was that guy. Well. I bet it was him. Our investigation continues.
Generally, the understanding in the college basketball universe is that Duke is the evil one of the two schools. Correct.
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Chapter 5: What is the significance of the Chihuahua guy's tricks?
I'm not sure how they are handling the logistics of the NCAA tournament. You know, they're all going to neutral sites.
So how did this start, though?
So like I was saying, they were four and nine and the assistant coach decided to do it as a motivational tool. And people are like, it turned around their season after that point. I think the actual thing that turned around their season is just that they had a really hard non-conference schedule before. And they were a pretty good team in the Summit League.
And then they started conference play and they started winning. So like incredible job by that assistant coach to realize the perfect time to deploy your motivational tactic is when your team has just played like Iowa State and I think like Minnesota and some other, you know,
big non-conference teams and then the rest of your your season is is against uh south dakota south dakota state north dakota north dakota state st thomas um so smart thinking by him i also there was a quote by i was reading one of the stories about the trash can situation and he said he confirmed that none of the trash cans they beat up have mothers and fathers they're all Orphaned?
I'm not sure what his point was there.
We're just whipping these orphan garbage cans.
I think he was trying to say like there's no one feeling bad on their behalf, but that somehow made it sadder to me.
This is a real, by the way, just a tremendous reclaiming of trash can beating that I thought the Astros had just totally monopolized. And they're like, there's still meat left on the bone inside of this trash can.
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