Money Rehab with Nicole Lapin
Talking About Money Stresses Me Out. Can It Get Easier? (Listener Intervention)
Mon, 17 Mar 2025
Does talking about money stress you out? You’re not alone. Today’s Money Rehabber feels like his financial health would benefit from open communication about money with his friends and family… but [s/he] just can’t start the conversation. Today, Nicole helps him practice those conversations so that the real deal is easier. Once you’re ready to take action on what you learn in these conversations, Bank of America Corporation has you covered. Find all the tools you need for your financial support at http://bofa.com/FinancialNextSteps.
Chapter 1: Why is talking about money difficult for most people?
I'm Nicole Lappin, the only financial expert you don't need a dictionary to understand. It's time for some money rehab. Most of us will talk about anything, anything before we talk about money. It's literally in the description of my show because this blows my mind. Most of my friends would rather cover truly anything before money.
Body stuff, embarrassing moments, crazy bad first dates, anything. But these conversations are so important because there's a lot to learn from the people around us, and in some cases, a lot to avoid. This is another episode I teamed up with Bank of America on because we both believe that talking to loved ones about money is essential and we want to make it easier.
Chapter 2: How can discussing money improve your financial health?
Today's money rehabber breaks out into a cold sweat whenever he talks to his friends about money. And sometimes that costs him. Today we'll go through strategies that will make these conversations easier. So let's get started. Liam, welcome to Money Rehab. So what's on your mind?
Chapter 3: What are common fears about discussing finances with friends?
Well... I get really anxious when I think about talking to my friends about money. I'm doing pretty well with my job and I have some money saved, but I have some friends who are making a lot more money than me and it's kind of created a few problems. They just spend so much money when we go out and I don't want to spend money like that. But I also don't want them to stop inviting me to things.
I know they're investing and I'd like to ask them about how they're doing that, but I just don't want to sound dumb. But I guess it all boils down to just not feeling comfortable talking about anything when it comes to money.
First of all, this is so, so common. Talking about money can be really uncomfortable. I definitely felt that way once upon a time. It's been really empowering to be able to speak the language of money with anyone, family, friends, business partners, romantic partners. Who do you talk to about money right now?
Pretty much my parents. I've always felt like I could talk to them about money.
Okay, that's great. And who would you like to have these conversations with?
It's really just my college friend group that I feel like I can't talk to about this stuff.
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Chapter 4: What strategies can make talking about money easier?
And what's holding you back?
I don't know. I guess just what I said before about not wanting to sound dumb or telling them that I want to spend less when we hang out or the fear that they might just hang out without me if I say that I don't want to spend that kind of money.
Yeah, I mean, I get that money is so personal. Money without meaning is just paper, but we often put a lot of meaning behind this stuff. So basically, you feel like you're spending more money than you have budgeted for because of this pressure. Is that right?
Yeah, definitely.
Have you ever had a friendship breakup because of money?
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Chapter 5: How to handle friendship dynamics when money is involved?
Kind of, actually. My freshman year college roommate and I were pretty tight for the first semester. But second semester, all of my savings were pretty much dried up. And he really liked to go out and eat and go on big trips on long weekends and stuff. So I stopped being able to do that stuff with him. And then we just kind of drifted apart.
And did you guys have a conversation about that?
No, I guess we never really talked about it.
Well, let me ask you, have you ever had a conversation about money with a friend?
Man, I guess not.
What do you actually think is the worst thing that could happen if you start having more conversations with your loved ones about money? And here's why I ask. There's this principle of stoicism that says we suffer more in imagination than in reality. So I do think it's important to picture the worst case scenario because it's probably not that bad.
Worst case scenario, my college friends stop inviting me out and stop including me in things like trips and fantasy football. And then I kind of drift apart from the friend group and then I get cut out.
Let me just say, more people struggle with this than you think. According to a survey from Bank of America, almost three in five millennials slash Gen Zers have drifted apart from a friend due to financial reasons. But I think there are strategies that you can put into place to protect your friendships and your wallets. But first, I have to ask, do you actually like these people?
They sound kind of judgy.
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Chapter 6: How to be the planner and manage social spending?
Okay, I get it. But I just want to say money is a tool that can unlock opportunities for you. But it's not a character trait. It's not like being a good friend or being kind. If you don't have as many zeros in your bank account as you want, that's something we could definitely work on. But it doesn't make you any less worthy of being an amazing friend and having amazing friends.
Well, that's nice to hear. I like to think that and I think I know that, but thank you.
So when I was a news anchor interviewing all of these successful entrepreneurs, I was surrounded by people who had a lot more money than I did. And what I started to do was just be the planner of the group. So I would take on the role of pitching what we could all do as an activity together. And I would pick things that had a fixed cost that I knew I could afford.
So going out to dinner, not a fixed cost. Your friends could keep balling out, getting bottles, and then try to split the bill. So for me, I planned a lot of classes. The weirder, the better. We did exercise classes. We did... axe throwing classes. We did a cooking class. These were things that had a price of admission. So I picked things that I could afford.
So that's just one strategy you could take on. But in terms of making yourself more comfortable about talking money, I'd start with something that feels less personal and less close to the group. For me, rent was a biggie. When I was in my 20s, I moved to New York. I had a zillion questions about how much I should spend on rent.
But I was really anxious that if I asked budgeting questions, my new friends would judge me for being cheap. But once I got the courage to start asking friends about it, they were so relieved that I had said something because they had their own questions that they wanted to ask as well about rent and money and all the things.
What I've learned throughout my journey of getting more comfortable talking about money is that people will open up to you if you open up to them first. So when I'm talking to somebody about money for the very first time, I will go first. I will be the one to start. Like way back when, when I had those questions about renting in New York, I said, look, I am new here. I am touring apartments.
I am seeing one bedroom apartments for $2,500 in Manhattan. Am I going to find something better? And from there, I started having great conversations with my friends about how much they were paying, how much of their salaries they were budgeting for rent. And it took me opening up the door just a crack for all of this great conversation to come through.
That's cool.
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