Monday Morning Podcast
Men of Yesteryear, Pervs of Yesteryear, Elastic Waist Jeans | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 3-6-25
Thu, 06 Mar 2025
Bill rambles about men of yesteryear, pervs of yesteryear, and elastic waist jeans. (00:00) - Thursday Afternoon Podcast (32:12) - Thursday Afternoon Throwback 3-6-17 - Bill rambles about the Kobe 11’s, country music, and baloney sandwiches. Thursday Afternoon Interlude: GZA - Liquid Swords Squarespace: Head to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to https://www.squarespace.com/BURR to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Helix: Go to www.helixsleep.com/BURR for 20% off sitewide.
Chapter 1: Why does Bill Burr prefer raincoats over umbrellas?
Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr. It's time for the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. And I'm just checking in on you. I'm in New York City. It is raining cats and dogs. Which is something I'm not used to. I haven't been in a long time just to have a nice rain like this for the hell of it. You know, you forget after a while. You live out in Los Angeles.
You live in a desert. You know, it like rains. Hopefully it rains when you're out there. And it rains for like a month. Rains like crazy. And then it does. It never rains in California. Remember that song? But boy, don't they warn you. It pours. Man, it pours. I never understood like what it meant. I didn't understand any of that. I remember asking my mother going, it never rains in California?
Yeah. What it really is, is it's the desert. It doesn't rain. It rains like once a month. So if you were confused about that song for the last 50 fucking years, I hope I undid it for you. Anyway, so I'm a raincoat guy. I'm not an umbrella guy. You know, you walk down the street and then you got to lift it up, you know, because you don't hit somebody in the fucking eye with it.
And then you just becomes this thing, you know, unless you get one of the smaller ones. And then the smaller one, all it does is keep from your eyebrows up dry and the rest of you gets fucking drenched. So I just go raincoat. And I'm an older man at this point. So, you know, if they had raincoat pants like readily available, I would buy those, too. But only if they were like NBA tearaway style.
which is what you want. So when you show up to work, people go, you got on fucking rain jacket pants, man. That's when you fucking rip them off right in front of them. Like you're going in to drop 40 on the fucking Knicks. You fucking rip them off. And then all that fucking rainwater goes all over. You want to talk about my pants? What do you think about my pants now? Look at you.
You need a face towel. But then what you have to have on underneath it. You got to have some fucking sick ass like, you know, badass clothes. And everybody else has on their rain fucking outfit. Because they bought a fucking umbrella. And they were all making fun of you, you know. Because you fucking showed up like you had upper deck tickets for the Cleveland Browns or some shit. Anyway.
The hell did I want to talk about? I saw some fucking good movies this week. I watched that Robert Duvall movie with Karen Black. Amazing, amazing actor. One of my favorites. It's called The Outfit. And dude, it's one of the greatest 70s car movies ever. As far as like, you're just watching it like, what the fuck kind of car is that? There was a car in there.
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Chapter 2: What are Bill Burr's thoughts on vintage cars?
I'm not good with the Chrysler, Dodge, Plymouth shit. But it was called a Monaco. A 1973. And it was like this... beige but more on the white side beige and it looked like they were combining an ltd with an eldorado and i don't know some sort of chrysler shit you know chryslers were always fucking weird to me i like their muscle cars but like their luxury cars had um they weren't cool
They were like old man looking, I always felt. The Chrysler shit. And the Chevys were the best. The best looking. The Cadillac. You can't beat the fucking Cadillac. And Buicks were a close second. And then the Lincolns, you know... obviously the Lincoln Continental, the suicide door one, that one is iconic.
But I don't like that one from the 50s where they got the lights on top of the lights and it's at like a 45 degree angle. It was the longest production car ever. Like the back end on that car is just, I don't know, I don't like it at all. But Chevy, man, I hate to say it, being a Ford guy, in the fucking 60s, the Impala, the Malibu,
what was that fucking top of the I guess it was a Cadillac but that's back when they used to have like you know I've talked about this a million times but I really wish they would get back to this shit because you know luxury cars they didn't make an entry model or an affordable fucking model you had to be successful you had to be crushing it to drive a Cadillac
If you were just crushing it, but not crushing it, crushing it, you got the Buick. If you weren't quite crushing it, you got an Oldsmobile. And if you were moving up, you got a Pontiac. And if you just fucking got there, you drove a Chevy. That's how it worked. And it was like, I'll just throw numbers out. So you could get a Chevy for five to six grand. Then Pontiacs were seven to nine grand.
It was just like that. It moved up in like two, $3,000 increments. But there was no $5,000 Cadillac just so you could say you're driving a Cadillac. You had to have your big boy pants on back then. And you also had to be a man. If you were a woman, you had to fucking stay home. I told you a long time ago, I was on the road and I saw this sign in this diner. It said, get or afford.
It was like the 1940s and I was thinking like, wow, man, that's... It's pretty luxurious that you would buy your wife a car. I thought people were sort of one-car families back in the day. Who had the money to go buy their wife a new car? And then I realized what they were saying. It's like, you know, get her a Ford. You drive the Lincoln. You drive the Mercury. Okay, you just get her an entry.
You know, she doesn't need to worry her little head anymore. With all these buttons and electric windows and all of this shit. You know? A V8 engine. She can't handle that. Just get her a Ford. Let her putz around town. She'll feel fucking special. I wish I could talk to a woman from back then. Like, what the fuck was that? They don't seem like they were upset, though.
But it was just like... It's kind of funny now to listen to women how openly... They discuss how dumb they find men. And I just can't imagine during that fucking time the confusion of that. That you would be sitting there listening to these fucking morons talking about all this shit. I can't imagine what they used to talk about when the guys went to work.
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Chapter 3: How does Bill Burr feel about fitness and elastic waistband jeans?
Monday night, we go on in front of our first packed house previews. This is like previews. It's the preseason. And then the season starts March 31st, so I can't fucking wait. I can't wait. I can't wait to see how this plays. I can't wait to see where the laughs are, where the moments are, and all that shit. I've been having so much goddamn fun.
And we rehearsed this morning, and then I had a little break, and I actually ran off and went to the fucking gym. I've been killing it. Oh, Billy, no tits. Look at that, man. It's fucking coming down, but I will tell you what. Oh, my God. I did some fucking damage. Jesus Christ. If you put my torso on the Mecham auction, you know, it wouldn't have met the reserve.
I'd have to take the reserve off, and I would be like, ah, yeah, I'm not selling it. Forget it. I got too much Bondo. Oh, my God. You have no idea how fat you are until you do yoga without a shirt on and there's like a fucking mirror to the side and you're doing a forward bend. You're like, what the fuck? Do I sell shoes for a living? Who the fuck is that? Is that me? Jesus fucking Christ.
There's no excuse for it. There's really no excuse for it. for how out of shape I got, you know, if you, you guys work for a fucking living, you have to be somewhere. You know what I mean? I, I, you know, I got all goddamn day to not be a fat fuck, you know, and I, I still failed at it. Fucking ridiculous. Um, yeah.
So I went, I went over to my big gay gym that, uh, that I joined gay as it wants to be. And, uh, You know, I got in there and I got on the treadmill. I put it at the fucking angle I needed to. I worked it. I was walking briskly so I would burn fat because that's the new way they say that you're burning fat. You know what I mean?
And I do like these guys on like the fucking social medias, the medias of social. I love people that give advice and they're like yelling at you. You know what I mean? You can just see like the awful parent that the person had. You're sitting there like, why are you yelling at me, dude? Teach me about... Stop doing cardio before you lift weight. All right, man. I didn't know it was bad.
As far as I know, this is the first time you're telling me. I believe it's the first time I met you. Like, what are we doing here? So anyway... I figure once I get to the... Once we stop doing all the rehearsals or tech run-throughs and we're just doing the show, even on the days when I have a matinee, I don't have to go to work.
I got my whole morning free so I can finally fucking get my goddamn ass back in shape. Holy shit. Holy shit. I'll tell you one thing, okay? Everybody fucking talking about snowflakes this and snowflakes that. I'll tell you, you know, the biggest example of fucking being a snowflake and soft is American jeans. You know, with these elastic waistbands.
So the number on your jean, you know, whatever, 34, 32, you could actually be a 38 waist and you could still get into 34. They're not fucking helping it. They're all, I'm telling you, they're all in fucking cahoots with each other. Um, Oh, my God. I actually went out and I got one of those tape measure things that people get when they're measuring you for a suit.
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Chapter 4: What are Bill Burr's comedic insights on language and culture?
I just think it's easier to be... Maybe it's easier to be a creep now. I don't know. I have no idea. But I still think there was a... Maybe there was the same amount. It's kind of like how people feel like we're getting dumber. We're not. We're not. We're not getting dumber.
If you go back, just watch vintage newsreels where they go out and they talk to people in the street and they get their ideas on shit. And you'd be surprised. I mean, there's some people that are more eloquent than people today, but people at least have more of a worldview. You know, at least or at least a national view with the fucking Internet, because back in the day you lived in your hometown.
That's what the fuck you knew. You knew that the local news and the local sports team. That was it. Like when I moved to New York City, I remember in the mid 90s, one of my buddies from back home was he goes, you know, where do you live? And, you know, I told him I was living on, you know, what the fuck was I? Ninety seventh and Lex Lexington.
And he was like, dude, what's with all the fucking numbers down there? What's with the... Clueless. I had no idea. I thought of New York City. It was Empire State Building. Taxi cabs. Frank Sinatra. And there was a couple of big concerts in Central Park. That's all I knew. And obviously the sports teams. But I didn't know what... I couldn't name the boroughs.
I had heard of them, but if you asked me to name all of them, I couldn't have done that. I would have missed Manhattan and I would have missed Staten Island because they just called it New York City. But you heard enough about Brooklyn and the Bronx because a Welcome Back Carter was in Brooklyn and then fucking Robert Redford did that movie Fort Apache, the Bronx.
So I knew of those and that was it. Because I saw a news clip recently and it was about the busing riots and all that in Boston. And they were talking to people in the street. Jesus Christ. You want to talk fucking meatheads. Fucking meatheads. That was one of the dumbest ideas in the history of Massachusetts. That they took a place that racist and they were like, you know what?
You know what I think would be a good idea? Yeah. You know all these people that fucking hate each other up there and they don't get along? Well, what if we just mixed them all up? What if we forced them to interact with each other? Without, you know, any sort of social lubricant beforehand. Let's just fucking throw them all together and see what the fuck happens.
For you younger people, spoiler alert, it didn't work out. It didn't go so well. It was fucking insane. Yeah, that was, that's one of those stupid liberal ideas. Like, well, what if we just put them all together and then they just fucking interact and then it'll fucking all work? Is that, you're just going to do that?
You're not going to, there's going to be no education, no sort of ease in the things, you're just going to? She's going to put them together. That's what you're going to do. All right. Would you just watch Trading Places? Anyway, let me do some of these reads here for the week. Squarespace. Hey, folks. This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace.
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Chapter 5: What is the Patrice O'Neal Comedy Benefit?
Those, my friend, were the fucking days. I had no kids. I had no wife. And I could just go out and I could get fucking hammered. Fucking hammered. That's how I dealt with my demons back in the day. Now what I do is I sit here alone and I watch old movies from the 70s. Once again, I highly recommend the outfit with Robert Duvall and Karen Black and a whole bunch of other great actors in it.
And the fucking cars are amazing. And I really feel like that those four-door sleds, because they're rare, I think that they're going to be worth something at some point. Maybe not. I don't know. All I know is I was, you know, I'm thinking about getting another, you know, I need a daily driver. I'm just looking at everything. I looked at the Burt Reynolds fucking Trans Am.
You get one of those in mint condition, these fucking assholes want 200 grand for it. For a fucking Pontiac? Go fuck yourself. Fucking Trans Am. That car was a piece of shit. Everybody knew that. You had that car three years. You did like 20 burnouts on it. The fucking transmission fell out. They didn't make that car right. That was actually after the catalytic converter failed.
200 grand for an underpowered fucking car you can't even keep on the goddamn road. It's the smoky and the bandit one. If you get the red one, you know, it's like 40 grand. That's how fucking good-looking Burt Reynolds was. He was so good-looking and charismatic that he made that piece of shit worth 200 grand all these fucking years later. Rest his soul.
You don't see movie stars like that coming around. Maybe you do. I'm just fucking old. I don't want to be that cunt. Anyway, plowing ahead here. That's the podcast. Have a great weekend, you cunts. And yeah, remember, all right? It's the United States of America. United States. Don't hate other states, all right? People allowed to think different things. Let's stay together.
Don't let a handful of fucking billionaires that own 24-hour news network fucking divide you. Go to that mom-and-pop place, goddammit. Fuck these box stores. Fuck these billionaires. All right, that's it. Listen to the music picked out by the amazingly talented Andrew Themlis. And we have a bonus episode of the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. All right, take it.
Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, March 6th, 2017. What's going on, everybody? I am in Phoenix, Arizona. Isn't that exciting? Phoenix, Arizona.
Arizona. It actually is, man. I'm psyched. I'm working at Stand Up Live doing two shows tonight, two shows Tuesday, two shows Wednesday. I'm, you know, putting together my new hour and everything, and I got a bunch of shit. I've actually been listening to my act. I always, you know, when I'm putting together a new hour, oh, I always record. I just never fucking listen.
Well, now I'm finally listening to my act. I figured it out when I can do it because who the fuck wants to sit there and listen to yourself? What I'm doing is I listen to it on the car ride home. You know, if I had a decent set, if I had a shitty set, what's the fucking point? You know what I mean? It's kind of like if you're always taping your team, right? But you only watch if they win.
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Chapter 6: How does Bill Burr approach his comedy routine development?
You know, I mean, that's just getting down to brass tacks here. That's what's going on. Right. They stuck that shit in her, and now you can't stick your shit in her. So, I mean, you got to get the fuck out. I'd get out. You're young, dude. You're 19. What, are you going to marry her? What, are you in the military? People in the military get married when they're 19, you know? My woman done left.
That's what you do. It just sounds like... You sound like you need like a long time away from each other. The way that was read, dude, that sounded like a fucking 40 year old guy wrote that in your 19th. So that's kind of a good sign that maybe you should get the fuck out. Who knows? But I would not say anything mean. I would not.
And I just, you know, you want to be able to see the person again and not get a glass to the head. You know what I mean? That's kind of what you're going for. So the art form is you just tell them how you're feeling.
You know? I'm just not happy. I'm sorry. That's just how I feel.
I'm just not happy, and I'm finding myself less and less happy, and it's affecting my moods. Everything you just said, and I'm finding that I'm getting angry, and I don't want to be angry around you and create any misery in your life. So as much as this is going to hurt you, I'm walking out the door.
You can take this relationship and shove it. That's it. Then walk out the door. You know, and you probably walk out that door and you'll be sad a little bit. And you walk a little more and you start skipping and then you're running down the street.
Yeah. You know, might be one of those breakups. Or it could be the one. Oh, why did I do it? I don't fucking know. But you're 19. You know, you got the whole you got your whole fucking life ahead of you. You don't need being this. This sounds like you're fucking married. I'd get out. All right, that's it. Okay, and that's the fucking podcast for this week. Go fuck yourselves.
I will check in on you on Thursday. And that's it. I'll let you know how seeing old Cleo the next couple of days is, which is going to be fucking awesome. And it's also, you know what, I'm psyched that, you know, we've got a cool family. And, you know, I think I'll come out to Phoenix a couple times a year. You know, do a run of shows like I'm doing here. Go to a game or something like that.
I'll hang with the dog. It's kind of nice, you know. All right, that's it. I'll talk to you guys on Thursday.
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