Monday Morning Podcast
F1, American Artists, Car Insurance | Monday Morning Podcast 3-3-25
Tue, 04 Mar 2025
Bill rambles about F1, American artists, and car insurance. Zip Recruiter: Try for free at www.ZipRecruiter.com/BURR Open Phone: OpenPhone is offering 20% off of your first 6 months when you go to www.OpenPhone.com/BURR
Chapter 1: Why does Bill Burr reminisce about his early comedy days?
What the fuck, kid? Why am I talking in an extra hard Boston accent? Because I'm reminiscent, dude. I'm recording this on March 2nd. March 2nd, 1992, at Nick's Comedy Stop on fucking Warrington Street down in the theater district. You know, where all the fellas hang out. Don't get me started, kid. They don't need to go to Dunkey's. They got enough sugar in their tank, huh?
You know what I'm saying? That's how people talked when I started. It was worse than that. That's how they started. That's the way they talked. That's the way they believed when I started stand-up comedy 23 years ago. Toity Toit. That's actually New York. I only heard one guy ever say that.
I was on the downtown 6 train and the guy running the train back when it was an actual person as opposed to just some fucking computer thing.
Next stop, Toity Toit Street. 23rd Street is next. Exit to the right. Please watch your step. 23rd Street's next.
Anyways, 33 fucking years of not having a real job. Bumming around, traveling, doing all this bullshit. Having a great time. I did this secret stand-up show, whatever the kids call it. In a barbershop in Astor Place, the Astor family, you know, anytime something is named after a family, you know that a lot of people suffered. Right. I remember I started looking up Astro. Who's the Astros, right?
I looked them up. They're all like fucking slumlords and people were dying of tuberculosis as they built their fucking wealth. Cooper Hall was another fucking guy. If you see a statue of a Caucasian All right? And it's not military. It's not some regular fucking person that joined up and won the Medal of Honor. You know, an infantryman.
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Chapter 2: What are Bill Burr's thoughts on CEOs and business culture?
If it's someone sitting on a fucking horse on the statue, it's usually a pretty safe bet that some people suffered. And... You know, you look at that stuff. Oh, that was a different time and blah, blah, blah. And you look at it now, it's still going on. It's just it's done differently. I just got out of this. I'm going to get back to my 33 years in stand up. 33 years of shit jokes.
I was just in this this fucking car and they had this magazine said Jet Set. And on the cover of the magazine is this fucking guy in like this blue suit. And he's got, he's like mean mugging. Like that's his, he's on the cover of a magazine. He's not smiling like, oh fuck, you know, this is great. He's mean mugging and all of this shit.
And these fucking CEOs, their egos are just out of fucking control. It's like, what is that look on your face? Are you fighting for the middleweight title? Are you on the next UFC? Are you a Green Beret? Are you in the fucking Marines? What is that fucking? You move numbers around. You put people out of business. You crushed the dreams of the little guy. What is that fucking look on your face?
It's fucking... It's hilarious. I get it. You got a watch collection. I don't understand. Listen. He's one of those fucking guys, you know, that has like a, you know, those those fucking business guys. They all memorize like a million quotes to justify what they're doing to everyone underneath them. You know, their favorite one is this is how business is done.
And they quote the art of war and all of this shit. And they got like that thing like back in the day when when when people used to give drug dealers shit and drug dealers. If I didn't fucking do it, somebody else would do it. Right. They have all of those things to justify what the fuck they're doing. Oh, well and good. But don't have a fucking look on your face like, you know.
Like you were pinned down, taking fucking fire or whatever, you know? I don't know. Maybe he's a veteran. I have no idea. Maybe he fought. I have no idea. But just seeing a guy in a fucking suit looking at me, you know? Like he doesn't make his money like hitting a keyboard. Like I don't understand it. I think that's like... Everybody has sort of co-opted the let's go, let's fucking go attitude.
They try to apply it to their job, even though it's not like a let's fucking go job. Let's fucking go. We're down by eight, you know, with fucking three minutes to go. I'm playing football. I'm fucking, you know, whatever, you know. Something's on the line here. Not this stupid business shit. I don't know. I find that shit funny to me. Whatever. I don't know anything about it, but like.
These fucking CEOs now, and it's funny, now they're like working out and they have like these fucking breathable suits that they wear, you know, and you have a handful of raw almonds, you know, to keep the metabolism going and your brain clear so you can make the right decision.
The right decision, like, you know, so I can fucking crush all of these people and knock down all the places where they live so I can build a big fucking glass thing that people can wash money in. You see this look on my face? That's the fucking mentality. You need to fucking... It'd be funny in the future. Do you think they're going to name a subway stop after the Facebook guy?
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Chapter 3: How does Bill Burr feel about classic movies and freeze-frame endings?
ends on a freeze frame and I was trying to think I remember Hooper ended on a freeze frame actually ended with Burt Reynolds breaking the fourth wall looking right into the camera after he punches the director the fake director not the real director of the film punches him in the face turns around and gives the okay sign the fucking Burt Reynolds laugh and it just freeze frame and they rolled the credit and that was like
That was the thing. I remember I didn't remember. I looked up a list of movies that ended on a freeze frame and one of them. And I was so. Like pissed when it happened was Rocky three ends on a freeze frame of Rocky and Apollo are getting in the ring and they're just going to fucking fight. And right as they're about ready to hit each other, it freezes. And they said it.
You're going like, oh, my God, this is the greatest epilogue ever. We just saw it. He came back. He beat Clubber Lang. Right. And now he's going to go at it. With the Apollo Creed, I want to see this. And it didn't happen. I think even Hollywood knew, you know. They're like, we can't have a white fighter beat two black guys in a row.
Like, I don't think... So let's just... After he beats up Clubber Lang, we're going to freeze frame on the Apollo Creed thing. Anyway, that was actually the first Rocky movie that I saw. And then I think I went back and I saw... I might have gone three, two, one, and then saw Rocky IV. I think that's how I did it. I did Star Wars like that. No. No.
I saw Empire Strikes Back first, and then I saw Return of the Jedi. No, I think I saw Star Wars before that, because I want to say they would put it back out to get people caught up if you missed them. And I got to admit, I always found the first Star Wars, when they were in the desert, I found it really boring. And I sort of zoned out. But I really liked the next one.
Empire Strikes Back was cool. You know, the frozen tundra with the AT-ATs and all that shit. And then a lot of people didn't like the Ewoks. I liked the Ewoks with those fucking sleds flying through the trees. I mean, that was amazing. when they did the first person, when you were in the movie theater, that, that was incredible.
I mean, I know now your seat vibrates, you know, and they have some immigrant with a hand fan in your face. So your hair moves or whatever the fuck they do with these things. Uh, they paid him $2 a month. Um, sorry, I just had a fucking cup of coffee. So I'm, I'm a little wound up on this one. Um, Anyway, but yes, I've been watching these crazy movies. I finished, I watched two movies this week.
They were both car movies. What was the other one? And then after I finished that race with the devil, I saw this movie I never heard of called The Outfit. with Robert Duvall, pre-Godfather, and it's a mafia movie. And, uh, I text a buddy of mine who I really respect his, you know, knowledge of movies. He goes, that's a great fucking movie.
You know, and it's also my wheelhouse, like 1973, just these amazing fucking cars. Um, I'm on the lookout for, uh, a daily driver. Um,
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Chapter 4: What car troubles has Bill Burr experienced?
I saw all these sad housewives with these fucking... miserable guys that they married and they fucking hung in there. I learned a lot having a paper route. You'd go into a house and you could feel it if the relationship was working.
you i didn't even realize i was just stumbled upon that yeah there was like certain houses you were excited to go to they were happy they had the heat fucking cranking people were in a good mood you know and then there was other houses you would be like one light on you'd be like oh fuck here we go this fucking guy oh jesus you know what i mean just like tension you know
Some houses felt like an after party and other houses just felt like, you know, coach is going to lose his fucking job. So anyway, I don't even know what my fucking point was there. But isn't that the point of this podcast? It's just rumbling, bumbling, stumbling, rambling bullshit until I do a fucking hour. Oh, I was going to say, so I saw this Rolaids commercial.
This lady's eating this giant fucking meal. And then she gets heartburn. And she's sad. Oh, God. She's got this look on her face. They give her some Rolaids. Right? You got heartburn. What do you do? Yeah, eat some root vegetables. Lay off acidic food. Lay off the coffee. Gee, Bill, how'd you learn this? Yeah. Don't have balsamic vinaigrette and fucking coffee three days in a row.
You'd be fucking hiccuping for two days in a row. They had her eat fucking Rolaids. And then this is the greatest thing ever. She eats the Rolaids. Then she feels good. And then they bring her a big slice of fucking chocolate cake, which I've also learned is. that chocolate will give you heartburn. So she's signing up.
Like, Rolaids, those sneaky motherfuckers are showing you we can cure heartburn and then we're encouraging you to eat more shit to get more heartburn so you buy more fucking Rolaids. Like, I really don't think the slice of chocolate cake was an accident. But I've been a little paranoid lately. So if you guys... Talk me off the fucking... the goddamn cliff here. But I was a little, you know...
bone that's all the fucking shit she could have had for dessert it's a giant i mean dude and this thing was like you know you could hold open a bank vault with this if you use that slice of cake as a goddamn doorstopper that's how big this fucking slice of cake was it was like a third of the cake you know and she had a look on her face like she was gonna do the whole fucking thing you know it wasn't like the thing arrived and there was like four forks which by the way i i don't like that
I'm not a fan of that. When they bring the dessert and it's one fucking thing and then they just have four spoons sitting there. You know what I mean? It's like, what are we, swingers? You know, you're sitting there with another couple. What the fuck are we doing here? I get my own dessert. I'm over here with my wife. You're over there. We're not fucking, you know, touching spoons here.
Is it me or why do I feel like somebody's playing footsie under the fucking table and I don't know what's going on here? Hey, Bill, you got to relax, man. I'm just saying, what the fuck, you know? You want a dessert? You gave me your fucking desserts over there. Hey, Bill, you know, you just really wound up, you know? You know, people do that to you. It's the worst thing about having a temper.
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Chapter 5: What is Bill Burr's take on car racing and F1?
What movie was that? Was it Top Gun? You two characters are going to Top Gun. All right. Anyway, I think I babbled enough. I think I babbled enough. Could have said that 15 years ago on this fucking podcast. All right. Let me get the... What am I doing here? Let me get the rigamarole here. Let's get the fucking... Oh, it's funny. These were my notes. I didn't look at them. CEO douche.
Rolaids commercial. Mark Marquez. MotoGP. Alex Marquez. And then St. John's Seton Hall. Yes. I went to that game. I got tickets to the game because I thought it was out in... Oh, Christ. I always forget that coach's name. The guy with the sweaters. Hang on a second. I got it written down here. Hold on. Hold on. I'm not going to lie to you. Not going to lie to you. I'm looking it up.
I'm looking at Carneseca Arena. I wanted to go out there. It's a little 6,000-seat basketball arena. But the last second, they switched it over to Madison Square Garden. So I was talking to one of the guys that ran it, and I was going like... You know, you got 6,000 seats out there. You already own the arena, or at the very least, you're paying the bank loan on it. All right?
You get all the concessions and all of that shit there. You move this game to Madison Square Garden. He goes, 8,500 seats. After 8,500, that's when we start making money. I'm going, yeah, because you got to pay to rent this place. And he goes, yeah. He goes, yeah, a lot of people don't know that. And I was to tell him, I was going, yeah, you know, you can make more money.
I would think, but I think it's like a good advertising thing for them. I don't know, it ended up being easy for me because I'm staying like...
on the Lower East Side when I'm out here so it was easy for me to fucking get over there to the easier than Queens but I haven't been all the way out in Queens for a while and I was kind of looking forward to take the subway going out there but uh I don't know I would love to do a stand-up show at St.
John's in that arena but I really want to see a game I mean dude I'm fucking like hardcore Big East basketball fan from back in the day like You know, it's not what it was because of all these super fucking conferences and shit that they had. But I wore a sweater to the game, you know, to show my respect. And it was a whiteout game. And I didn't know Rick Pitino was coaching, which was awesome.
I had good seats and I could hear him yelling. At one point he's going, call the foul, call the foul. And I got to yell at Pitino, you tell him coach. I was all excited. It was a whiteout game, right? You got a free t-shirt and it was a Rick Pitino in an all white fucking suit.
And he came out in an all white suit, fucking Rick Pitino looking like Colonel Sanders who just bought a fucking kilo of cocaine and came in from South beach. Looked like a fucking gangster. It was great. And, uh, it was a really good game. Um, Seton Hall was playing great defense. It was really frustrating St. John's in the first half, and they couldn't get into a rhythm.
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Chapter 6: What is Bill Burr's perspective on college basketball today?
And the painting is Nighthawks. I said Nighthawks. I at least knew that. If you really like his paintings, or at least I did in the next episode, if you really like his paintings, I would also recommend George Bellows, known for his paintings of boxing matches. John, my screen is cracked here. Why is my screen cracked? Because I have emotional issues? I don't think so. Did you throw your phone?
No, I used open phone.
Did you throw your phone recently?
First of all, if you don't drop that fucking mothering tone, did you throw your phone recently? What if I did?
Did you?
Is that what I said? Doing David Mamet dialogue. No, I... What happened was the case... No, see, the case got worn out, and then I got a little crack in it. Okay. And once I got the little crack in it, it just kind of kept going, and I drop it all the fucking time. Mm-hmm. Not like it's hot. I drop it like an idiot.
Okay.
Sorry, I'm just trying to steer into the interracial moment here.
Anyway, what are you getting at?
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Chapter 7: How does Bill Burr view his upcoming Broadway play?
Pepper wings.
Oh, in museums.
Oh, okay, okay. Mm-hmm. museums like you lemon pepper wings and museums that's the perfect date if you want to win her heart yeah take me to a museum and then take me to get some lemon pepper wings oh with the lemon pepper dry rub but also wet sauce on the side so that you can drizzle it in the wet sauce oh my god
There we go. That's lemon pepper on top of lemon pepper. You know what that is? That's the black version of the wet burrito, which is the white version of Mexican cuisine. That's like, can you make me a burrito and then have some sort of small farm animal shit on top of it? It's fucking gross.
No, it's not.
It isn't. It's a diarrhea wrap. Dude, a wet burrito. It's fucking disgusting. Just the sound of it.
I'm not big on them. I prefer a dry burrito. Anyway, so go on. All right.
No, so they're trying to help me out here. What I should look at. John Singer Sargent. Oh, listen to these old school names. Winslow Homer. Mother, I met a gentleman today who threw his pea coat over a puddle for me. Whatever was his name? Winslow. Winslow Homer. The National Gallery of Art has a couple paintings from each of these artists. I would recommend a visit next time you're in D.C.
Well, wouldn't that be great? I would love to go to the Pentagon City.
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Chapter 8: What advertising reads are featured in this episode?
Yeah, whatever.
I'm going to read about it. Reading fucking questions on my podcast, yeah.
Oh, we love Jack White.
He's a fucking shit. There's a guy who never took a night off.
He's so great.
Never took a night off.
Nice guy. All right, keep going.
I'll try this.
I did a... Stop putting that in your mouth.
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