Connor Beaton is a men’s life coach, founder of ManTalks and an author focusing on men’s wellness and personal growth. Emotions can be challenging. Some bring joy and comfort, while others we’d rather avoid entirely. But what if learning to embrace all emotions—even the uncomfortable ones—could lead to greater growth and understanding? Expect to learn why men have bad reputations with emotions, what emotions exactly are and why they’re important, how people can learn to start feeling their feelings, the emotions men struggle with the most and how to get more comfortable with feeling them, if there is any strength in suppressing emotions, if there is a way men can do all of the inner work by themselves or if they should seek outside help, and much more… Sponsors: See discounts for all the products I use and recommend: https://chriswillx.com/deals Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period from Shopify at https://shopify.com/modernwisdom Get 10% discount on all Gymshark’s products at https://gym.sh/modernwisdom (use code MODERNWISDOM10) Get a Free Sample Pack of all LMNT Flavours with any purchase at https://drinklmnt.com/modernwisdom Extra Stuff: Get my free reading list of 100 books to read before you die: https://chriswillx.com/books Try my productivity energy drink Neutonic: https://neutonic.com/modernwisdom Episodes You Might Enjoy: #577 - David Goggins - This Is How To Master Your Life: https://tinyurl.com/43hv6y59 #712 - Dr Jordan Peterson - How To Destroy Your Negative Beliefs: https://tinyurl.com/2rtz7avf #700 - Dr Andrew Huberman - The Secret Tools To Hack Your Brain: https://tinyurl.com/3ccn5vkp - Get In Touch: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chriswillx Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/chriswillx YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/modernwisdompodcast Email: https://chriswillx.com/contact - Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Chapter 1: Why do men have a bad reputation with emotions?
Why do men have a bad reputation with emotions, do you think?
Oh, man. I mean, I think that generally we feel emotions pretty intensely. And so when our emotions let loose, sometimes it cannot be pretty. It can be loud. It can be big. It can be intense. And so I think sometimes men have a bad rap because of that.
I think that there's been a few generations of men that have been told not to feel that their best emotional tool is suppression, is repression, is just like stuff it down, pour some whiskey over top, light some weed up and just keep soldiering on, stiff upper lip as I think they say in your country.
And so I think we've gone through a few generations of men who used avoidance as their main tool with emotions and because of that cut themselves off from some pretty important data and information. And so a lot of men have just, you know, older generations haven't been able to speak the language of emotions, of what they're feeling, of what they're going through.
But I think having worked with men for over a decade, tens of thousands of men from around the world, men feel very deeply. I think it's not that men don't feel, I think it's that men feel very deeply. And we've, in some cultures, created a vacuum of being able to teach men what to do with their emotions, how to actually traverse through their emotions. So I think those are parts of it.
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Chapter 2: What are the consequences of emotional suppression in men?
I'm curious what your thought is on that, though, as well, because even you talk to a lot of people in this space.
Yeah, I think you're right. We don't exactly have fantastic emotional role models as men.
You mean Homer Simpson and Peter Griffin aren't the role models of emotional acuity?
Exactly. who's that who's the guy that used to be like ah and then would hit his wife like pretend to hit his wife on like some sitcom who is that american guy i'm not from this country i don't fuck i don't i don't think that's i think that's before my time i'm not sure very well maybe yeah you know it was the 50s it was a different time the hands were softer
Um, so yeah, I think the role model of the kind of bumbling, unfeeling, largely useless, semi-useless kind of dedicated, but emotionally out of touch man. Uh, I think that's got a lot to play into it. I think as well, you know, it's, it doesn't speak to many of the ways that men like to think about being masculine. I think one of the most common, uh,
contributing factors when you ask somebody what is a masculine man would be mastery over their emotions or kind of a reliable and controlled emotional state, some version of that. And Feeling Feelings seems kind of at odds with that. So it's not particularly well portrayed archetypally in the culture. I don't think it is a...
particularly proud thing either internally or rewarded externally by society you know for all that the world says we need men to open up more and talk about their emotions no one has any fucking idea how to deal with a man that's going through a very intense set of emotions because they're either very aggressive or even worse than that very soppy and you go I have no most of the time people have no idea how to deal with that it's scary
And then if you try to do that and you see as you're unable to regulate somebody else disgusted at your lack of regulation, you think, okay, I'm never doing that again. So yeah, maybe some more elements there.
Yeah, I mean, I think a good way to put it is men are not incentivized to open up emotionally for a number of different reasons, right? I think oftentimes, I mean, I get comments on my YouTube videos all the time, stories from men who Did open up to a past partner, to a girlfriend, to a wife, and were left shortly thereafter.
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