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Chapter 1: What happened to Kitsky?
three patriots gay triets they triets i have some really sad news my cat kitsky aka catsky died peacefully in her sleep and um she lived a good life she was 17 years old i know that we had covered her journey um her feline journey into old age exclusively on this podcast. But I do want to say this. When you have a pet for a long time and they're just kind of always there in your house.
And then I searched in my photo roll with my sons and my husband last night, Kat. And then you have like two decades worth of photographs with this animal. It's really sad when they're gone.
Yeah, it's really sad because when you see pictures of like your kids when they were little with her, it's like, oh my gosh, she's been around for so many different steps in life, changes. It is sad. And when you tell me, I immediately felt guilty because I've been harboring this.
Wanted to kill her.
You know, her quality of life has, or her quantity of life has outlived her quality of life. And so I just, I'm sorry about that. And it was traumatic how you found her.
It's okay. It's okay. And I know that like, you know, that you loved Kitsky deep down. Yeah. I loved her for you because you loved her. Did the, share with our listener. Well, listener, let me just tell you. So the vet had to come. to my house to pick up her body. And I'm there and she's like, let's say goodbye to her. And I reached down and I was like, you're a good kitty.
And then the vet like rubbed on her. She goes, and I just shaved her, you know, cause she couldn't groom. And I looked at the vet and I said, that's probably what killed her.
Well, and I took my dog to the vet yesterday for, for x-rays and both the veterinarian and the vet tech. extended their condolences to me about your cat. And I was like, I know it's sad, but we were ready.
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Chapter 2: How do you cope with losing a pet?
If they only knew. No, it's, you know, when somebody, it's always sad when you lose an animal because it's like the fragility of life and you know your mortality and you have these animals that live with you and they for the most part bring you just an abundance of joy so anyway my cat is gone long live kitsky do you think you'll get another cat no No, no. I'm not going to get another cat.
Roman asked me this very question. I could see if I outlived Josh maybe like the last 10 years of my life having a house that's on some land and having a lot of animals.
Right. I would think those animals would all be French Bulldogs though.
Yes, but I wouldn't mind having like – have you seen those little cats have those little short legs and are real fluffy? Oh, I haven't. Yeah, they're super cute. Now, I mean, listen, I don't know. Right now, I'm not going to get another cat. You know, I've got these two dogs. I've got Josh. You know, I've got a lot going on. So what have you had it with?
Okay, what I've had it with is I've had like this head cold for two weeks.
Me too. It's ridiculous. And I wake up in the morning, Jennifer, and I tell you what – I wake up, my throat and my mouth are so dry. It's like somebody painted it with chalk. Same. You would think that we've been French kissing. I know. I mean, we haven't, but we could have been. And then not only is my throat and mouth, are my throat and mouth dry and chalky.
It tastes like the biggest dog on the planet has come and taken a big steaming dump in my mouth. And I wash, I mean I mouthwash, I brush, I scrape, and the entire day, I still feel like my breath could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon. And I was at the vet yesterday and she was trying to show me some x-rays. And so we're kind of having to lean in and I have to put my hand over my mouth.
And I was like, I'm so sorry. I know my breath is terrible. I mean, it is awful. You can just taste it and I'm sick of it and I've had it and I want it to stop. And I can only imagine the snoring that's going along with my open mouth breathing sleep. I mean, I'm sure it is a freight train.
Wow. Yeah. Wow. I mean, the description of how bad your breath is about the dog. Yeah. Wow. I mean, you know, here's the problem. You know, we're...
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Chapter 3: Why are water bottle lids taken away at events?
might be an overstatement but in that particular capacity i'm no fool welcome to i've had it i'm jennifer i'm angie kylie what'd you find out about the lids i found out that it is because it's a safety issue and people use water bottles with the lid on tight full of liquid as weapons bullshit okay but here's the thing why couldn't you use a bottle of soda
For the exact same reason.
Because they give you the lid with the soda. Well, because I think then you can beat. But here's the thing. Here's... That's the best. That is no good reason because what's going to happen are these slips. We're going to have concussions. We're going to have broken wrists, broken arms, broken shoulders, broken hips, a lot of things. We're going to have a lot of medical problems.
And I just want to say right now that if this happened to you, contact – what's your –
Isn't that right? Meat curtain, meat mall?
Or no, is it meat mall, meat curtain? Kelly, what is it? Well, is it 1-800-MEAT-FLAP? Meat mall. Meat mall, yeah.
1-800-MEAT-FLAP. People even made jingles for this. Meat curtain law. Yeah. Okay, here's the deal. I think I could take a beating from a water bottle. And I think I could, maybe I'd get a bruise or two. I think I could survive it. I think it's more dangerous to slip down those stairs in an arena. I do too. It makes no sense. I want to know who came up with this idea. Yeah. I want more information.
And it's not just the United States because this has happened in the UK. Right. And the United States. And I'm just going to tell you right here, we have had it. We're not going to stand for it. And it trumps America if there's one bloody thing the Democrats could do. If you could just give us one little victory, get us our caps back on our water bottles for God's sake. Let's start small. Yeah.
Just small changes every day. Yeah. That would buy me about 10 hours of not worrying. Maybe five. I was going to say, send a lot. That was generous. Yeah. All right.
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Chapter 4: What are the consequences of no water bottle lids?
My favorite part of every Tuesday and Thursday morning is cooking breakfast while y'all chew out every corner of the American population. From influencers and small talk to yoga instructors and Facebook moms, you two somehow say exactly what I'm thinking before I even knew it.
I mean, you know what? Thank you. It's a service. It is. You know, all of this toxic positivity is nauseating, not sustainable. I've had it. It's disgusting. Shut up. Shut up.
Shut up. And I love the name. Was it Queer Cajun?
I love that. Yeah, that's a great name. It's a good one. Listener, this may come as a total shock to you, but Pumps and I have not always been this pulled together and rock solid. In fact, we used to be rather screwed up when you say Pumps. I would say damn near psychotic. Totally. And we have written a cell phone expose. One could even say it's a manifesto.
And the book title is Life is a Lazy Susan of Shit Sandwiches.
In all sincerity, we share a lot of our struggles that led us to this grand stage where we can talk about petty grievances. You can click the link below in the show notes to pre-order your copy now.
queen dude everybody's like be sure to hydrate be sure to hydrate i'm like be sure to put a sock in it everybody knows quit talking about it and so then the stanley cup comes in and we all know what that leads to and all of this stuff and then kylie this little angel enters my life who intentionally dehydrates and i'm like Oh my God. Like I didn't ever take it far enough. Right.
You were just on the cusp. I was, I was like, I was at the appetizer and she was full blown entree and dessert. Right. And so I like when Kylie just admitted on our podcast that she intentionally dehydrates, I was immediately envious and in awe. I was too. And I would like to report this.
I have instituted a whole new policy on hydration and, Number one, I do not drink liquids after 6 p.m. Here, here, here, here. Yeah, I mean none. If I eat dinner like at 6.30, I just choke it down, no liquid. Because if I get up to potty in the middle of the night, that means my dog has to get up and potty. So that means I'm schlepping out to super cold weather. So I've just been really focused.
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Chapter 5: What are the issues with ordering food without cheese?
Well, and they just... having somebody like the isolation is what gets you human or dog apparently.
Let me ask you this. How's your pack leadership going?
Okay, it's better. I tried harder this weekend, and he did a little bit better. Oh, yesterday when I picked him up from school, it took me a lot longer than it took you, but I got him to sit. After a while, he just gets so excited. He just comes out of his skin.
He's a really good boy. I think that this weekend we can take them to the cemetery. And I have something I've had it with. Listen up, listener. When I say that we take our dogs to the cemetery, there's a bunch of keyboard warriors that go apeshit bananas in the comment section. How dare you take your dogs to a cemetery and run over people's graves?
We are monsters and we are terrible people, but we do not let our dogs run over tombstones. Here's the layout. everybody, all of you busybodies, keyboard warriors. The layout of the cemetery is this. It's a huge, huge acreage. And a part of it is developed. And there's all the, you know, tombstones and deceased people had passed, et cetera.
And then there's the part that they're going to grow into, which is this big open field that is gigantic, like 10 acres. There's not one dead body, not one tombstone anywhere, but it's on the cemetery compound. Everybody takes their dogs and runs there. Yes, everybody. So our dogs go and they run, not near the dead bodies.
No, they're not even in the same... They're not even... I mean, they're like way far. It's a completely different area. Yeah. And I just want it noted for the permanent record as well. When I'm dead, if dogs are running on top of my grave, it wouldn't upset me one bit. We don't do that. But number one, I wouldn't know it because I'm dead.
And number two, I would want living things living their lives. Right. Because I'm dead. I wouldn't be a narcissistic dead person. Right. I prefer narcissism in life. What about that? Narcissistic dead people is what they're campaigning for in the comments section.
Yeah. Well... A lot of people are dumb.
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Chapter 6: How do kids handle wedding dynamics?
It was kind of easier for you because I hated him as much as you hated him. It was so easy. Right. We were in lockstep with our hatred.
There was a time period where I thought for sure it's over. Like this is the point of no return. But there were so many. And then get this listener. They get back together like for appearances only. Right. So the kids, he would come home and y'all would play house like until the kids went to bed and then the kids went to bed. Right. And he would leave and go spend the night with the friends.
And then he would arrive back like five or six hours later in the morning before the kids in the morning before the kids got up. Yeah. That's fucking crazy. That part right there. That's where I was just like. Why are we trying to put lipstick on that pig?
There was no, there wasn't enough lipstick at the Chanel store to put lipstick on that pig.
He's not worthy of that type of cosmetics.
No, absolutely not. No. I mean, it was, it was so ridiculous. I look back and I think that is the dumbest you have ever been. Full stop. I mean, just dumb, dumb. That went on for months. Yeah. And then we moved back in the same house. I mean, we never had sex or anything, but still.
You did that one time when he bought you that car in the back of the car.
That was before. Oh, wait.
Remember, you fucked him in the back of that car. He bought you that Infiniti, and you rewarded him. I think that was before, wasn't it? I don't remember when it was, but I remember thinking, it's fucking gross is what I did. You know, here's the thing. You can say it's gross. When you're married and you've had kids with somebody and you've had sex a million times, it's like, what's one more time?
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Chapter 7: What did research say about dogs and companionship?
Code HATIT at checkout. You know, I love a little luxury. I absolutely love a good cashmere sweater, but it can just be so expensive.
And that's why I am doing the Lord's work that I don't believe in. But I really do love you guys and wanted to share that with you.
I mean, to what I have to say is you're welcome, little soldier, young grasshopper. Deputized. Deputized. And I have a little story to tell you all. So Pumps and I, on Inauguration Day, went and had breakfast together at this little greasy diner we both love in Oklahoma City.
i order scrambled eggs and a short stack she orders biscuits and gravy in a side really relevant i know i'm painting the picture as an author would do okay i'm letting them know that we're not in here eating like you know crunchy food we're doing greasy spoon right all right so we look around at the people around us and pumps is like glaring at me and she's doing her head like this
She's like, MAGA hat, MAGA hat, MAGA hat. So I turn. And there's this woman sitting with this man that's about 950 years old. And she has on a MAGA hat, red. And then she has this cup in front of her. And the cup has all these mini American flags in it. This is January 20th. Pumps and I are literally on suicide watch. We're just like, fuck, fuck, fuck. Let's go eat. So...
she's parading around the restaurant, smiling, waving a little flag at everybody. And I want to tell you that I glared like nobody's business. I would not blink. I didn't. And I looked at her with just, I wanted her to feel it. If she got smiles from everybody else, I wanted my negative energy and my disdain
for her support of a sexist, racist, anti-Semitic piece of shit that tried to give a microphone a blowjob. Because you know that woman was a big churchgoer. You could see it all over her that she was a big Old Testament gal, right? And so I wanted my energy to just supersede anything else in that little cafe. And I think it did.
Yeah, you were like... Because her back was to me as they were leaving, and Jennifer is just giving her the most evil eye you've ever seen. And they looked exactly, exactly... If they hadn't had the MAGA hat on, we both would have been able to identify them as MAGA.
Yeah, it looked like they came fresh from January 6th. Totally.
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