How to Get a Girlfriend with Connell Barrett
Why You Freeze When You Want to Approach Beautiful Women—& How to Fix it NOW (Live Coaching with John!)
Thu, 20 Mar 2025
John feels stuck and frustrated. He often sees attractive women he wants to talk to at bars and coffee shops, but he always freezes up and says nothing. (Sound familiar?) He’s about to break free of his approach anxiety—and you can, too! In this live coaching session, dating coach Connell Barrett reveals the hidden mental roadblocks that stop men from talking to women. Plus, Connell shares simple, proven fixes that you can use today. Get ready to approach women confidently and authentically (no weird pickup moves needed!)You’re About to Learn:07:55: The 2 “Fear Factors” that Stop You from Approaching Women—and How to Fix Them11:30: 5 Ways to Destroy Approach Anxiety TODAY17:42: What Strangers Really Think of Men Who Approach37:21: The 1 Simple Shift that Makes Her Happy You Talked to Her45:03: How to Stop Making Excuses and Start Taking Action54:36: What NOT to Say When You Approach in the Day (or Else You’ll Seem Creepy!)If you’ve ever felt too scared to say hello to a beautiful woman, this episode will give you the mindset and tools to finally take action. Listen now!WANT PERSONALIZED HELP? BOOK A FREE CONSULTATION WITH CONNELL AND START CONFIDENTLY MEETING AND DATING WONDERFUL WOMEN:http://www.DatingTransformation.com
Chapter 1: What internal blocks prevent men from approaching women?
But he's got one area that he's really struggling with, which is dating. Specifically, he sees beautiful women all the time. He would love to talk to, but he never does. He just never talks to women. And the reason for this is not that John is a coward or that he doesn't man up.
And if you want to go talk to gorgeous, interesting, intriguing women day or night, but you don't do it, it's not because you're a failure. It's not. It's that you have a couple of internal blocks. You've got conflict. Either you're afraid that rejection will feel like you're just not good enough, or you're afraid that
If you get rejected, if it doesn't go well, you're going to be seen as some sort of social weirdo creep. You're doing something wrong. Or maybe there's a combination of both of those things. Those are the two main causes of approaching anxiety, what's called approaching anxiety.
Fearing that you're going to find out you're just not good enough or fearing that she'll reject you and you'll just feel like a social weirdo who's doing something strange. Neither of those things are true, but boy, they really feel true. And they feel that way to John. These are strong forces. You're going to listen to John have a couple of really big breakthroughs.
I'm going to tell him exactly how to get confidently, freely walking up to women. He's already doing it. He's already in the process of taking action. I think you're going to enjoy this coaching episode. I've helped so many guys in this area. It's pretty powerful, these forces that stop us from approaching women. I had a client who was a fireman. Probably still is, actually.
He's a fireman out in the West. And he came to me because I'll call him Juan. Juan wanted badly to go talk to women, but he couldn't do it. So he could literally walk into a burning building and put his life on the line. He was once in a burning building, and he fell through the kitchen floor into the fire in the basement. Thankfully, he was fine. He was not hurt.
But he can willfully walk into a burning building and not think about it, but he couldn't turn to the attractive woman standing up at the bar next to him and say hi. That's how powerful these internal forces are that create conflict, anxiety, fear. but these are very fixable. As you're about to hear from John, have his very first coaching session with me.
And by the way, if you are looking or interested in figuring out, hey, what is dating coaching about? How does Connell do his thing? Is dating coaching right for me? In other words, if you would like to stop being too afraid to go approach women, or if you need help with flirting,
or you just want help getting a great girlfriend, if you'd like to, you can go to my homepage, datingtransformation.com and book a free call with me. And you and I will hop on the phone and we'll talk about how you can get a great girlfriend, how you can finally feel confident and comfortable enough to meet women out in the real world and get an incredible woman.
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Chapter 2: How can fear of social judgment affect dating?
Okay.
So you're over 40 in the last month.
Yeah.
All right.
Over 40. That's actually really good for them. But we want to do better with you and this game of approaching. So let's break down why you don't do it. And most guys don't do it because they're afraid of one or both of two things. They're either afraid that if they get rejected, she doesn't like it, that will make them feel like, ah, see, women just don't like me. I'm not good enough.
Or there's also social judgment that men are often worried about. Oh man, if I get shot down and those people who are within earshot here at the coffee shop see me get shot down, I'll be that weird guy. hitting on girls at Starbucks. And that can feel like social judgment bordering on humiliation. Which of those two resonate with you or both?
Definitely the social judgment aspect of it.
The rejection, I've had a rejection before. That's not as much of a big deal. It's just that polarizing idea of like, I'm going to say it and... barista is going to hear it and you'll think i'm the the new weirdo and ban me from this from starbucks or something like that or yeah yeah yeah the new weirdos that was my rock band in college by the way
We were awesome. Ska Band, the new weirdos.
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Chapter 3: What mindset shifts help overcome approach anxiety?
Yes, it does.
Okay, so that's the mindset. The mindset is every approach is a win because I either grow as a man or I either get a result. I might get a phone number. I might get a date. That'll change your life. That's incredible. Or even if you don't get that, you get to put another brick in the wall of that character as a man, another brick in that cathedral of your character. So that's the mindset.
And man, that alone can change everything for how you feel about it. And then in terms of the how-to, let me ask you, what questions do you have about how to break the ice with women? How can I serve you? How can I help you?
No, so leading up to our conversation, I listened to your Valentine's Day episodes, which I absolutely loved. Great. And I loved a lot of information about the actual method of To the Madness, really, of observation, comment, question. And then, you know, pivoting to your name and then another topic. I love that.
I guess the one thing that is really in my mind right now, especially with, you know, I want to go out and start doing this stuff tonight. The thing for me is I think it feels easier to talk to another person who's out by themselves. But the big thing is always for me is when I see maybe a group of women, say it's four or five, and there's only one that I am interested in.
And, um, obviously, you know, I don't want to just isolate her just herself, but at the same time, I don't want to maybe have to talk to all of them forever just to get to one girl's number. So do you have any like, uh, you know, tips or plans or tricks or how to, you know, approach a situation when there may be as only one girl you find attractive in a group of like four or five?
Okay. Good question. I would say four or five for a group of that size. Let's say five max. You open them as a group. They're a four-headed girl. I think I dated a four-headed girl once from the circus. You treat her like a four-headed girl and to open the group because that gets all of their attention, gets them all reacting to your
assertion of positive, masculine, authentic, good mojo gets them responding to you, which is attractive and gets a nice dynamic where you're giving, they're receiving. You open up as a group and that gets all their attention and you essentially are giving them all some good social attention, which makes them feel good.
As opposed to walking up to the girl who you think is hot and you're like, hey, what's up? You're hot. And her friends are all watching what's going on. And they're going to pull her away pretty quickly from that kind of approach. Mostly. So you want to open them as a group for the first 30 seconds. Hey, ladies. You guys are looking super stylish tonight. Damn.
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Chapter 4: How to confidently approach a group of women?
I'd like to invite you both to come with me to Oviedo.
To come where?
To Oviedo. For the weekend. We leave in one hour.
What? Where is Oviedo?
A very short flight.
By plane? What's in Oviedo?
I go to see a sculpture that is very inspiring to me. Very beautiful sculpture. You'll love it.
Oh, right. You're asking us to fly to Oviedo and back?
No, we'll spend the weekend. I mean, I'll show you around the city and we'll eat well, we'll drink good wine, we'll make love.
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Chapter 5: What strategies work to engage with a woman in a group setting?
Confidence can come automatically, but first you got to use courage. Got you.
All right. I guess like the only other question, which we've kind of already hit a little bit on it right now. I know I think I love what you said. You can talk to anyone with any time with confidence with courage. Excuse me. Yeah. I guess since I know that that lower self is definitely still going to pop up here and there, I guess. And this is by no means any kind of like a.
giving myself an excuse or a way out or anything like that. Would you say there's like any, a good idea of like when, okay, maybe right now isn't a good idea. Like I know like obviously, oh, she's got a car accident. Maybe don't say something to her right now while she's sorting those things out. But, um, she's trying to fly the plane.
Maybe let her land that 747. Yeah.
exactly like is there any like an indicator of like so that way you can i guess i can tell myself like all right no that's logic don't do it now versus no that's just your lower self i'm glad you said that yeah i didn't mean to say always walk up to every woman every moment using courage blind to what's going on absolutely you want to read the room read the situation you want i guess i guess common sense is the answer you know i um
I was at a shoe store once. No, I was at Macy's actually. And I saw a gorgeous woman I wanted to talk to, but she was in the middle of having her shoe size checked on. And then she went up to the register and was paying. Am I going to walk right up to her in the middle of her paying for her shoes and interrupt that?
That would lower my status in her eyes because I'd be doing something that really is kind of socially miscalibrated. However, so I waited. You know what? If this sounds creepy, I guess I'm creepy. But I waited a few minutes. I was like, all right, I'll give her a few minutes. I'll just do a little window shopping.
And then as she was done with her purchase, I walked alongside her and said something. And I don't remember how it went. It's been so many years ago. But I waited until it was a reasonably good moment. So we just want to kind of figure out, okay, am I avoiding this because I'm just afraid? Or is there really a good reason why I shouldn't talk to her yet and wait for a reasonable window to open?
Can you give me any examples of whether this is a window I should let open or I should just barge in? Any specific examples?
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