Creating Confidence with Heather Monahan
#490: It Starts with YOU: Nine Lessons to Change Your Life with Jillian Turecki, Relationship Coach, Teacher, Podcaster, Author, & Speaker
Tue, 21 Jan 2025
In This Episode You Will Learn About: How to reflect on your patterns and REWRITE the stories holding you back from LOVE and CONNECTION. Ways to own your role in relationships and focus on what YOU can change to CREATE the connection you want. Learn to communicate with confidence to express your needs to build AUTHENTIC and lasting bonds. Discover ways to BUILD your self-worth daily. Resources: https://www.jillianturecki.com/ Read It Begins With YOU Listen Jillian on Love Instagram, Facebook, & Threads: @jillianturecki TikTok: @jillian.turecki Get 10% off your first Mitopure order at timeline.com/CONFIDENCE. Download the CFO’s Guide to AI and Machine Learning at NetSuite.com/MONAHAN Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at shopify.com/monahan Cancel unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster at RocketMoney.com/CONFIDENCE. Call my digital clone at 201-897-2553! Visit heathermonahan.com Reach out to me on Instagram & LinkedIn Sign up for my mailing list: heathermonahan.com/mailing-list/ Overcome Your Villains is Available NOW! Order here: https://overcomeyourvillains.com If you haven't yet, get my first book, Confidence Creator Show Notes: What if the LOVE you’re searching for starts with YOU? That’s the POWERFUL truth Jillian Turecki shared, and it hit me like a bolt of LIGHTNING. Her message about RADICAL accountability, as she writes in her book It Begins With You: The Nine Hard Truths About Love That Will Change Your Life, is a game-changer. It’s not about blaming others but OWNING your patterns and rewriting the stories holding you back. She reminded me that being BOLD, vulnerable, and clear about your needs isn’t just empowering; it’s MAGNETIC. Growth happens when we face our fears, meet our own needs, and CELEBRATE the journey. Most importantly, she left me FIRED UP with this truth—CHANGE isn’t just possible, it’s already within your REACH. Are you READY to claim it? Her book is the perfect place to start. Let’s DO THIS! If You Liked This Episode, You Might Also Like These Episodes: #471: Why Uncertainty Is An OPPORTUNITY With Heather! #465: The Key to Going Bigger with Heather! #464: The Secret To Captivating Any Audience with Ashley Stahl Top 100 TEDx Speaker Bestselling Author, TEDx Talk Booker & Speechwriter
Chapter 1: What are the common patterns people follow in relationships?
A lot of women, and men again will do this too, but a lot more women will silence what their needs are. Let me try to be cool. Let me go with the flow. Let me be a pleaser. Let me be a nurturer. Because everything is like, I want you to choose me. I want you to pursue me. I want to be like that fairy tale. And nothing could be further from the truth of what reality is.
And that is, you have to be the one who is direct and forward about what it is that you want. You are to be the one who is also choosing. And you are going to become much more attractive to many more people when you actually assume that role.
Come on this journey with me. Each week when you join me, we are going to chase down our goals, overcome adversity and set you up for a better tomorrow. I'm ready for my closeup.
Hi, and welcome back. I'm so glad you're back with me this week. Okay, you are going to love our guest and our conversation today, so get ready for it. Jillian Turecki is a renowned relationship coach, teacher, author, and host of the podcast Jillian on Love.
Fueled by an insatiable curiosity about what makes relationships thrive, Jillian has helped thousands over the last 20 years through her teachings, courses, and writings to revolutionize their relationship with themselves and so that they transform their romantic relationships. Jillian has sought out for her compassionate, direct, and very authentic style of coaching, teaching, and writing.
Jillian, thank you so much for being here today.
Oh, thank you so much for having me.
Okay, so let's get right to it. I have lots of people on the show that I'm not necessarily familiar with or a fan of. However, I am a fan of your social like a maniac and now your new book. And you speak so directly to me and obviously millions of others. But I am definitely a person who has struggled with relationships her whole entire life. And there's something about the way you approach
things? I don't know what it is, but you've got to hear this from so many different people. What is it? What is your secret sauce? I don't know.
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Chapter 2: How can you take responsibility for your role in relationships?
You can go through a stage of life where you have a great relationship and then you're later in life, then everything goes to hell because there's so much context around it. And so a large part of my life is learning how to, how to forgive him came later was more like, how do I be around this person without feeling like I'm terrified and feeling so deeply uncomfortable and
my relationship with my father in many ways to find my life. And so learning how to deal with that was huge. And I would say that my marriage, which ended, which was really the thing that got me into all of this. I taught yoga for many years, almost 20 years. And then I went through a relationship that was the most significant relationship of my life. And we got married and
And then it ended in two years. And so I really wanted to understand. I became obsessed with trying to understand what happened between me and my ex-husband. And that was really the time where I had to, I was forced to reckon. with my relationship with my father and how I could not because I was very avoidant of my father. In the relationship between me and my father, I was the avoidant.
In the relationship between me and certain men, I was the anxious one. I couldn't avoid it anymore. I had to face it directly. And so that's a large part of what has influenced this book is learning how to heal, learning how to have your own back, learning to raise your self-esteem and also to take responsibility for what it is that goes on in a relationship.
And I wanted to figure out years ago, what actually makes a relationship work, but work really well. And I wanted to distill it into very tangible truths and lessons. And I spent years trying to distill it. If I were to come up with 10 truths or nine truths or seven truths, what is it? What is the legacy that I would want to leave behind? What do I feel people must understand?
about themselves and about themselves relationally and about love. That's what I birthed in this book.
Well, the book is incredible. And it's actually the nine truths, the nine hard truths about love. You mentioned something about avoidant and anxious. Is that necessarily every relationship? I'm so curious about that now that you brought that up.
Meaning in every relationship, is there someone avoidant and there's someone anxious? No, I think in a lot of relationships, yes. you might find someone who is more wired for togetherness and values more togetherness. And then you might find someone who has been wired towards more autonomy. But there are also a lot of relationships where there's alignment in that.
So I think that it's not just anxious that the lens through which that we see relationship shouldn't just be about attachment theory. Attachment theory is a very important layer. It is not the only layer. It's just about how were you raised? Like, were you raised to just like go out into the world and be free and be left to your own devices?
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