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Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend

Move Motherf@#$er!

Thu, 2 Jan 2025

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Conan talks to Rianne in the city of Taguig about the struggles she faces in life as a vertically-challenged person. Wanna get a chance to talk to Conan? Submit here: teamcoco.com/apply Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/conan.

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Transcription

Chapter 1: Who is Rianne and where is she from?

3.661 - 16.61 Unknown Speaker

Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com slash callconan. Okay, let's get started. Hello. Hi, Rianne. Welcome to Conan Needs a Fan.

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17.01 - 20.953 Conan O'Brien

Hi, Rianne. How are you? Oh, gosh, this is really happening.

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21.313 - 23.794 Rianne

Hi, I'm great. How are the two of you?

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23.814 - 27.417 Conan O'Brien

It was very nice to meet you, Rianne. Tell us, where are you right now?

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27.876 - 31.198 Rianne

I'm in Taguig, Metro Manila, Philippines. Yeah.

31.498 - 33.8 Conan O'Brien

The Philippines. And how do you pronounce it again? Taguig?

34.32 - 37.603 Rianne

Yes. Oh, you did pretty well. Yeah. Taguig. Perfect.

37.623 - 39.344 Conan O'Brien

Just say I did very well.

39.384 - 41.045 Rianne

It sounded a little patronizing.

Chapter 2: What struggles does Rianne face as a vertically-challenged person?

45.047 - 45.368 Rianne

Okay.

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46.297 - 59.562 Conan O'Brien

Rianne, it's nice to meet you. And you're from Tagig, Philippines. And I've never been to the Philippines before. Maybe you could tell me a little bit about yourself. What do I need to know about Rianne?

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59.822 - 78.531 Rianne

I'm 29, but I stand at 4'10". So even for a Filipino, I am quite short. So average height for women is about 5'2". I struggle a lot. going through life as a vertically challenged person?

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78.691 - 102.55 Conan O'Brien

Well, Rianne, I am also a vertically challenged person, but the other way. So there are problems. I'm a bit on the tall side and I'm always smashing into things. People laugh at me. They play circus music when I walk through the room. So I do have some sympathy. Tell me, you struggle. What things do you struggle with being four feet ten? What do you struggle with?

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103.063 - 123.917 Rianne

So there are a lot of just the world isn't built for short people. I think you genuinely have it better. So just going to the grocery is a challenge. I don't like going without my boyfriend because I don't like asking for help to reach the top shelves. Sometimes going to the theme park.

124.457 - 126.919 Conan O'Brien

Can I ask you how tall is your boyfriend?

127.998 - 135.143 Rianne

He's 5'7". Might not seem tall to you, but he's taller than I am. It helps a lot.

135.163 - 137.244 Conan O'Brien

Yeah, to you, he's like The Rock, you know?

137.705 - 146.891 Rianne

Exactly, yeah. To me, once you hit 5'5", there is no difference between my boyfriend and Conan. You're all tall to me.

Chapter 3: How does Rianne cope with being short in everyday situations?

150.134 - 150.814 Rianne

Exactly, yeah.

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150.854 - 154.757 Conan O'Brien

So you don't like going to the grocery store, and you said you don't like going to theme parks?

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155.655 - 166.078 Rianne

Yes. Always a tense moment finding out whether I can go on a ride or not. Driving is a challenge. I have to sit on a pillow to see over the dash.

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167.499 - 175.301 Conan O'Brien

Wow. And what about your feet? I mean, the pillow will get you high enough, but what about your feet? What do you do there to get there?

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175.541 - 188.015 Rianne

Exactly. So there is a perfect ratio. I do not like other people driving my car because it moves the seat. And then you got to find the ratio again. So that's a challenge.

189.497 - 196.925 Conan O'Brien

You get mistaken for a child a lot. People think you're a child. They pat you on the head and things. Yeah.

197.365 - 224.675 Rianne

Exactly. Especially when we're traveling in the States, I get carded a lot and they don't accept our driver's license. So I gotta grab my passport and whip it out. One time, a TSA agent, we were going through. So I went through and then he was like, to my mom, minors gotta be accompanied by adults. And my mom was like, she's 22. She's not a minor. And the guy was genuine. You are not 22. So...

226.175 - 240.524 Conan O'Brien

Wow. OK, so you've struggled with this. And are you do you like to drive once once you are driving? Are you and you've got the seat just right and you've got the pedals just right and you're comfortable? Are you a good driver? I am.

242.895 - 253.526 Rianne

I am a competent and law-abiding driver. I may have a bit of road rage when it's deserved.

Chapter 4: What challenges does Rianne encounter while driving?

259.624 - 263.747 Rianne

You haven't driven in the Philippines. You would understand if you were here.

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263.967 - 283.998 Conan O'Brien

Okay. Can we act out your road rage? Because I want to see, Rianne, what it actually looks like. So you're driving and then I'm in a car next to you. I'm driving a bright red Buick LeSabre. And I suddenly cut you off in my bright red Buick LeSabre. Show me what you would do.

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286.997 - 305.745 Unknown Speaker

move motherfucker i'm just kidding it's probably a lot more like i swear wait do you always do you always do you always giggle in between move and then motherfucker do you always go move yeah motherfucker

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307.674 - 319.398 Conan O'Brien

You're like the Joker with Tourette's. So say it to me again, how you would do it in the Philippines. I just want to hear it. The whole thing, the whole run. I just cut you off.

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319.458 - 325.1 Unknown Speaker

Go. Fucking move, motherfucker. Yeah.

325.6 - 333.408 Conan O'Brien

Nice. Don't be apologetic. I mean, let's get that out on a rap track. You know? Move, motherfucker.

333.508 - 333.968 Unknown Speaker

Yeah.

334.169 - 335.871 Conan O'Brien

Yeah, that would be a hit, I think.

336.132 - 341.981 Unknown Speaker

I want her to say it, though, specifically, because you have a good, like, I could tell you get angry.

Chapter 5: How does Rianne feel about her height in social situations?

372.768 - 377.796 Conan O'Brien

Oh, your mom isn't going to hear this. Does your mom even know who I am?

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378.597 - 384.982 Rianne

Oh, yeah. My parents love you. You're their favorite late night host. My dad thinks you're hilarious.

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385.102 - 385.622 Conan O'Brien

Oh, good.

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385.862 - 392.007 Rianne

I think my mom likes you. My mom likes you the best because you're the one that went to Harvard, she says.

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393.688 - 422.414 Conan O'Brien

Wow. Always the best sign of who's funny. The funny one must have gone to an Ivy League school. Because that's where the funny people come from. So your challenges in life, if I can sum up, Rianne, are that you wish you were a little taller, right? Because you are... Did you say 4'10"? Mm-hmm. Okay. And you have to rely on your towering boyfriend who's 5'7".

423.395 - 434.998 Conan O'Brien

You don't like going to the market and you don't like going to theme parks because they think you're a child. Yes? And then you have an... Insane road rage when you're driving through the Philippines. Is that right?

435.529 - 454.564 Rianne

Yeah. What about concerts? Exactly. Yeah. Sona, you get me. I do. I never, I never like sit in the, or stay in the mosh pit section because I'll get crushed and I will not see anything. So I stay up in the stands where it's safe and I can see things. Yeah.

455.124 - 464.492 Conan O'Brien

But also you probably have a good view sometimes, but then someone else stands in front of you and blocks your view and you want to get mad at them. But then it turns out it's an eight year old.

471.064 - 472.645 Unknown Speaker

Not an eight year old.

Chapter 6: What humorous experiences has Rianne had because of her height?

498.384 - 499.425 Conan O'Brien

You call us the talls?

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499.445 - 502.267 Rianne

Is that what you call us? Yeah.

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503.408 - 510.334 Conan O'Brien

We're like the white walkers. The talls are coming. They can only be killed with blue ice. Yeah.

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511.856 - 516.539 Rianne

The shorts have their own organization.

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517.259 - 526.025 Conan O'Brien

Shorts versus the talls. Well, let me ask you something, Rianne. If I were to come visit you, what kinds of things would we do together?

526.775 - 543.799 Rianne

Well, first, I think I need your help to run errands. I think if it's okay with you, I would like your help first to just generally send a message of unity with talls and shorts in general.

543.839 - 550.82 Conan O'Brien

Oh, you want me to go with you, run errands, right? Because I can use my height to assist you.

551.34 - 551.9 Rianne

Exactly.

551.94 - 554.641 Conan O'Brien

But you also want me to be kind of an ambassador, right?

Chapter 7: How do Rianne and Conan connect over their height differences?

555.146 - 562.451 Rianne

Yes, exactly. Just to show people that short and tall people can coexist and help each other.

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563.031 - 566.013 Conan O'Brien

Yes, yes. It's like that song, Ebony and Ivory.

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566.273 - 566.774 Rianne

Exactly.

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566.834 - 570.596 Conan O'Brien

Except there isn't one for tall people and short people. And we need that.

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571.457 - 573.998 Rianne

So we'd write one of our own, yeah.

574.038 - 579.041 Conan O'Brien

Yeah, we'd write maybe a song about how tall people and short people should all live in harmony.

579.342 - 584.205 Rianne

Correct. And then after that... I don't think tall people and short people are constantly at war.

584.225 - 587.07 Conan O'Brien

No. I don't think there's a big battle.

587.09 - 595.936 Unknown Speaker

The talls versus the shorts. I don't know if... Yeah, I don't know if that happens. But at concerts, like, you probably have stood in front of a shorter person.

Chapter 8: What message does Rianne want to share about tall and short people?

605.963 - 606.143 Unknown Speaker

What?

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606.844 - 610.146 Conan O'Brien

Just to completely block. I think it's funny.

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610.326 - 610.946 Unknown Speaker

What a dick.

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611.547 - 611.827 Conan O'Brien

Yeah.

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611.907 - 612.687 Unknown Speaker

That's awful.

612.708 - 614.229 Conan O'Brien

Yeah, I wear a T-shirt that says, I'm a dick.

614.569 - 614.649 Unknown Speaker

Oh.

626.6 - 639.046 Conan O'Brien

Hey, Rianne, do you think that because of your size, you say it affects your personality? How does it affect your personality at work? Do you ever think you overcompensate at work?

639.844 - 674.506 Rianne

Maybe not overcompensate. Just be a bit more assertive. Because sometimes if I say something, maybe during a meeting, the reaction can be a little bit like, good job, kid. Great, great idea. No, that's very, that's patronizing. Yeah. And they like to... They always end up calling me Riri. I never introduced myself as Riri. It feels like a microaggression. Like, why are you diminutizing my name?

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