A detailed review of The 36 Rules for life. Get your copy here on amazon: https://a.co/d/2TA4e88
Ever feel like you've read the same self-help book a dozen times? Just a bunch of recycled platitudes.
Right. You're looking for some real guidance, something to shake things up a bit.
Well, buckle up, because on today's deep dive, we're talking 36 Rules for Life by Mason Carter. And trust me, this is not your average self-improvement guru.
Definitely not your average author. That's for sure. I mean, where else are you going to find someone who quotes Edgar Allan Poe and libertarian socialists in the same breath?
Talk about an eclectic mix. So who is this Mason Carter? Fill us in.
He's a bit of a Renaissance man, teaches English lit, has this whole thing for Gothic poetry, but then he's super passionate about social justice, equality, you know, the whole libertarian socialist thing.
Okay, so we've got Gothic lit and socialism. Those don't usually go together, do they? How does that work?
That's what makes Carter so interesting. He's not afraid of contradictions, of those shadowy parts of human nature that we often try to ignore. He actually thinks there's a lot we can learn from confronting the darkness head on.
So it's like he's embracing the duality of human nature.
Yeah.
The good, the bad, the beautiful, the messy.
Exactly. He's not trying to sugarcoat anything or pretend we're all just shining beacons of light. He's acknowledging the darkness, but he's not letting it drag him down. If anything, he sees it as fuel to strive for something better.
I can get behind that. So how does this all play out in his 36 Rules for Life?
Yeah.
Is it like a how-to manual for embracing our inner darkness?
Not quite. It's more like he's offering these signposts, these little nudges to help us navigate the complexities of life with more intention and awareness. And he doesn't shy away from the big stuff either.
Like what? Just give us an example.
Well, he dives right into forgiveness, which you might think, OK, yeah, forgiveness, that's important. But he goes deeper. He talks about how true forgiveness isn't about letting someone off the hook. It's about releasing yourself from the burden of anger and resentment.
It's about choosing to move forward without being defined by the past or the actions of others.
Exactly. He actually says that forgiveness is ultimately a gift we give ourselves. It's about choosing to break free from those chains and step into a more empowered present.
That's powerful. It's not about condoning what happened, but about reclaiming your own emotional well-being.
Right. And that kind of self-reflection, that willingness to look inward is something he talks about a lot, like with courage, for example.
Okay. I'm intrigued. How does he redefine courage? Isn't it about facing your fears?
It is, but he takes it a step further. He says that real courage often requires us to examine our own biases, insecurities and motivations before we judge others.
It's that whole take the log out of your own eye idea, right? It's about acknowledging that we're all works in progress and none of us has it all figured out.
Exactly. And that kind of humility is crucial, especially when it comes to giving and receiving criticism, which, let's be honest, most of us would rather avoid altogether.
Tell me about it. Nobody actually enjoys being criticized, even if it's meant to be helpful. So what's Carter's advice on handling criticism gracefully? Both when we're on the receiving end and when we need to give it to someone else.
He's got some really solid advice for both sides. When we're giving criticism, he stresses the importance of assuming the best intentions. It's easy to jump to conclusions and assume the worst, but he encourages us to approach these conversations with empathy and a genuine desire to understand the other person's perspective.
It's like that Maya Angelou quote, people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. So even when we're offering constructive criticism, it's got to come from a place of compassion, not judgment.
Absolutely. And he also emphasizes the importance of being specific, focusing on actions and words rather than resorting to personal attacks. You know, like you always do this or you never do that. He suggests we ask ourselves a really interesting question before offering critique. What was that?
He says, what would I have thought and said had I inherited the same background, culture and upbringing as the person being critiqued?
Whoa, that stops you in your tracks, doesn't it? It makes you realize how much our experiences shape how we see the world.
Exactly. It's a powerful reminder that our perspectives are limited and we can't possibly understand the complexities of another person's journey unless we're willing to truly listen and try to see the world through their eyes.
It's about bridging that gap between us and them, recognizing that we're all part of this big, messy, beautiful human tapestry.
Beautifully said. And that brings us back to this idea of approaching criticism with humility, which Carter believes is essential for personal growth. He actually suggests that we strive to be our own harshest critics.
Interesting. So it's like, don't wait for someone else to point out your flaws. Be proactive about identifying areas where you can improve.
Exactly. When we're willing to hold ourselves accountable to acknowledge our own shortcomings, it takes the sting out of external criticism. We're less likely to crumble because we're already engaged in that process of self-reflection and growth.
It's about taking ownership of our own journeys, right? Not relying on others to validate us or tell us who we are.
Exactly. And that kind of self-awareness, that willingness to both celebrate our strengths and acknowledge our weaknesses, is a cornerstone of what Carter calls true humility.
OK, humility. I feel like that word gets tossed around a lot these days. But what does it actually mean in this context?
For Carter, it's about recognizing the limits of human reason. It's about letting go of the need to be right all the time and acknowledging that we all make mistakes. We all have blind spots.
It's about embracing the possibility that other people might have something valuable to teach us, even if we don't always agree with them.
Exactly. It's about approaching life with an open mind and a willingness to learn and grow from our interactions with others. And this ties beautifully into his thoughts on selflessness, which, surprisingly, he links to love.
Love and selflessness. Those sound like pretty lofty ideals. How does he connect those dots?
Well, he argues that true love in its purest form is the ultimate act of selflessness. It's about putting the needs and well-being of another person above your own, about recognizing that their happiness and fulfillment are just as important as your own.
And he's not just talking about romantic love here, right? This applies to our relationships with our friends, our families, our communities.
Exactly. He sees love as this expansive force that has the power to transform not only our individual lives, but also the world around us.
So it's like that ripple effect. When we act from a place of love and compassion, it creates these positive waves that extend outward, impacting not only the people we interact with directly, but also those we interact with, and so on.
Beautifully said. And that brings us to another one of Carter's key concepts, prefiguration.
Prefiguration. Now there's a word you don't hear every day. What does that even mean?
It's this really cool idea that societal change starts with individual transformation. In other words, we can't expect to create a more just and compassionate world if we're not actively working on becoming more just and compassionate individuals.
OK, I'm starting to see how this all fits together. So it's not enough to just talk the talk. We have to walk the walk. Our actions have to be in alignment with the values we espouse.
Exactly. Carter believes that living in accordance with our values is the most powerful form of activism. It's about embodying the change we want to see in the world.
It's about being the change. Which makes me think about something else Carter talks about. Anger. Because let's face it, even with the best intentions, we all get angry sometimes as a normal human emotion. But it can also be incredibly destructive if we don't know how to handle it constructively. So what's Carter's take on anger management?
He actually has some really insightful advice on that, which I think a lot of us could benefit from. He talks about this inner voice that tends to pop up when we're angry, a voice that tries to justify our rage, telling us we have every right to be upset.
Oh, I know that voice all too well. It's like the master of rationalization, always ready with a reason why it's OK for me to unleash my fury on the world.
Right. But Carter says that the key to managing anger is to silence that voice. He argues that no matter how justified our anger might feel, unleashing it on another person is never the answer.
So it's about taking a step back, taking a few deep breaths and choosing a different response, even if it's difficult in the moment.
Exactly. He emphasizes that reacting with anger only perpetuates the cycle of negativity. It's about recognizing that we always have a choice, even in the heat of the moment, to respond with compassion and understanding rather than lashing out.
Which is often easier said than done, especially when we feel like we've been wronged.
For sure. But Carter reminds us that responding with anger rarely, if ever, leads to a positive outcome. It often escalates the situation, creating more hurt and resentment.
So it's about breaking free from that cycle of reactivity and choosing a more conscious, compassionate response.
Yes. And that includes apologizing when we mess up, which Carter believes is essential for personal growth and healthy relationships.
Apologies. Those can be tough. Sometimes it feels like swallowing our pride. What's Carter's take on that?
He's a big believer in owning up to our mistakes, even when it's uncomfortable. He sees apologizing as an act of self-awareness and accountability, a way of acknowledging that our words and actions have an impact on others, and sometimes we screw up.
It's about recognizing that we've hurt someone, even if it wasn't intentional, and taking responsibility for our part in this situation.
Exactly. And that kind of humility, that willingness to admit when we're wrong and make amends, is something Carter sees as crucial not only for our personal growth, but also for building stronger, more authentic relationships.
It's about creating a space where we can be vulnerable with each other, where we can mess up and be forgiven, where we can learn and grow together.
Beautifully said. And this emphasis on authenticity, on showing up as our true selves, even with all our imperfections, is something that comes up again when Carter talks about education.
Oh, education. Always a hot topic. What's Carter's take on the current state of our education system?
Well, he's pretty critical of the traditional model of education, which he sees as being too focused on churning out obedient employees rather than independent thinkers.
So it's about moving away from that rote memorization, that teaching to the test mentality and fostering a love of learning for its own sake.
Exactly. He believes that true education should ignite a fire in the hearts and minds of students, a thirst for knowledge and a passion for exploration.
It's about empowering them to think critically, to question assumptions, to challenge the status quo.
Exactly. Carter wants to see an education system that produces lifelong learners who are engaged, informed and equipped to make a positive impact on the world.
And he uses some pretty interesting examples to illustrate his points, right?
Like Plato and Aristotle, if I'm remembering correctly.
You've got it. He talks about how those two didn't just regurgitate the teachings of Socrates. They built upon them, challenged them, and ultimately created their own unique philosophies.
It's about recognizing that knowledge isn't static. It's constantly evolving. It's about adding our own voices to the ongoing conversation.
Precisely. And he argues that this active engagement with knowledge shouldn't be confined to the classroom. It's something we should all strive for throughout our lives, always seeking new information, new perspectives, new ways of understanding the world around us.
Which, when you think about it, is what makes this deep dive so compelling. It's about going beyond those surface level interpretations and really grappling with these complex ideas.
I love that. And, you know, another area where Carter encourages us to go deeper is in our relationships. He's not a fan of superficiality or pretension. He believes that true connection comes from a place of authenticity and vulnerability. So it's about being genuine, letting our true selves shine through, even with all our quirks and imperfections.
Exactly. Carter argues that when we try to present a curated version of ourselves to the world, we ultimately prevent ourselves from forming deep, meaningful connections.
It's like we're building walls instead of bridges. We're missing out on the beauty of true intimacy, that feeling of being seen and accepted for who we truly are.
Beautifully said. And this emphasis on authenticity, on embracing simplicity and vulnerability, extends to his definition of happiness as well.
Okay, I'm all ears. What's Carter's secret to happiness?
He has this amazing quote. Acquiring is relinquishing. Happiness is not found in material accumulation, but in the moment that is now and that is shared.
Wow, that's so simple yet so profound. It's about appreciating what we have, who we're with, and the beauty of this present moment, rather than constantly chasing after something more.
Exactly. He believes that true happiness comes from a place of gratitude, connection, and presence. It's about letting go of the need to always be striving, achieving, accumulating, and instead finding joy in the simplicity of just being.
It's about savoring those everyday moments, the laughter, the conversations, the shared experiences that make life so rich and meaningful.
Precisely. And he argues that this ability to find joy in the present moment is intimately connected to our relationships with others. Happiness, for Carter, isn't something we cultivate in isolation. It's something that flourishes in the context of loving, supportive relationships.
It's like that old adage, joy shared is joy doubled.
Exactly. And Carter takes this idea even further, arguing that as we cultivate love and selflessness, our capacity for happiness expands beyond our immediate circle to encompass a sense of responsibility for the well-being of all beings.
So it's about recognizing our interconnectedness, that we're all part of this intricate web of life, and that our actions have ripple effects that extend far beyond what we can see or even imagine.
Precisely. And this brings us back to his concept of prefiguration, the idea that individual transformation is the catalyst for societal change. Carter believes that as we cultivate greater love, compassion, and understanding within ourselves, those qualities naturally radiate outward, influencing our interactions with others and ultimately shaping the world around us.
It's like we become these little beacons of hope, lighting the way for others to step into their own authenticity and embrace a more compassionate way of being.
I love that imagery. And, you know, what's really striking about Carter's work is that even though he delves into these deep philosophical concepts, he always brings it back to the practical. He offers these really tangible, actionable steps we can take to incorporate these principles into our everyday lives.
Like his rule about approaching pessimism from a place of wisdom and preparedness, not doom and gloom, right?
Exactly. He's not advocating for blind optimism or denying the very real challenges we face in the world. Instead, he's encouraging us to cultivate a sense of realistic optimism, a belief that things can get better even in the midst of difficulty if we're willing to do the work.
It's about acknowledging the darkness without letting it consume us.
Right.
Right. It's about holding on to that spark of hope, that belief in our own resilience and the possibility of a brighter future.
Precisely. And he reminds us that this journey of self-improvement, this striving for a more just and compassionate world is a collective endeavor. We're not meant to do it alone.
We're all in this together, stumbling and striving, learning and growing. And sometimes we need a little guidance along the way.
Which is where Carter's 36 Rules for Life come in. They're not meant to be rigid dictates, but rather gentle nudges, invitations to approach life with more intention, compassion, and awareness.
And to find those unexpected sources of wisdom and inspiration even in the darkest of corners.
Exactly, because sometimes the most profound truths are hidden in plain sight, just waiting for us to open our minds and hearts to receive them.
It's about being open to those unexpected sources of wisdom, those little sparks of truth that can ignite our imaginations and inspire us to live more meaningful lives.
Absolutely. And speaking of inspiration, Carter has some really interesting things to say about pessimism, which he sees as more of a strategic tool than a negative outlook.
Oh, that's not what I would expect it. How does he spin pessimism in a positive light?
Well, he's not advocating for doom and gloom, but he does believe in being prepared for the worst, even while we're striving for the best.
So it's like that old saying, hope for the best, prepare for the worst. It's about being realistic without letting fear paralyze us.
Exactly. He actually uses this great phrase, work for the best, but expect the worst.
I like that. It's about approaching life with a healthy dose of caution, but not letting that caution turn into cynicism or despair. It's about being prepared for setbacks without losing sight of our goals.
Exactly. And that kind of balanced perspective, that ability to hold both hope and realism in our hearts at the same time, is something he sees as essential for navigating the ups and downs of life.
Which makes me think about another one of his rules, the one about judging others. I always find that to be such a tricky subject because it's so easy to slip into judgment, even when we're trying not to.
It's true. We're constantly evaluating each other, making snap judgments based on limited information.
So what's Carter's advice on how to approach those judgments with more compassion and understanding?
He encourages us to remember that everyone is fighting a battle we know nothing about.
It's about extending grace to others, recognizing that we all have our own unique struggles and challenges.
Exactly. And he takes it a step further. He says, judge a person by their standards, not by yours.
Hmm. That's an interesting way to put it. So it's about trying to see the world through their eyes, to understand the context of their experiences before we pass judgment.
Exactly. It's about recognizing that our perspectives are shaped by our own unique life experiences. And what might seem strange or wrong to us might make perfect sense within the framework of someone else's life.
It's about recognizing that our way isn't the only way and that diversity of thought and experience is what makes life so rich and interesting.
Beautifully said. And that reminds me of something else Carter talks about, which is surprisingly relevant to today's world, social media.
Oh, interesting. What's his take on the whole social media phenomena?
Well, he's surprisingly optimistic about it. He sees it as this powerful tool for connection and empathy, even though it often gets a bad rap for promoting superficiality and division.
So it's about using those platforms to build bridges rather than walls to foster understanding rather than division.
Exactly. He actually encourages us to use social media to identify those who are struggling and to offer them support. He sees it as a way to tap into the shared human experience to remind ourselves that we're not alone in our struggles.
That's a really beautiful way to look at it. It's about using technology to cultivate compassion and connection, to create a sense of community in a world that can often feel isolating.
And that brings us to one of Carter's most poignant roles, which is about how we treat our aging parents. He has this line that always gets me right in the feels. When their words echo innocence, spare them harshness, for age is a return to childhood.
Oh, wow. That's powerful. It's a reminder to approach those relationships with tenderness and understanding, especially as our loved ones enter their twilight years.
Exactly. It's about recognizing that aging can be a challenging and disorienting experience and that our loved ones need our love and support more than ever during those times.
It's about honoring the wisdom and experience they've accumulated over a lifetime while also extending grace and patience as they navigate the challenges of aging.
Beautifully said. And that, I think, speaks to the heart of what Carter is trying to do with his 36 rules for life. He's not offering a prescriptive set of do's and don'ts, but rather a collection of insights and reflections on how to live a more meaningful, compassionate and fulfilling life.
He's inviting us to engage in that ongoing conversation about what it means to be human with all its complexities and contradictions.
Exactly. And to remember that even though the journey can be messy and unpredictable, there's always beauty to be found, wisdom to be gleaned, and love to be shared along the way.
On that note, to our amazing listeners, we'd love to hear your thoughts. Which of Carter's rules resonated most with you? How are you putting these ideas into practice in your own lives? Keep those conversations going, keep diving deep, and we'll be back next time with another thought-provoking episode. Until then, be well.