Join Alex for a cozy solo episode where she reveals she bought her parents a house in LA! Alex reflects on what losing her childhood home means to her and how she has approached working on some of her complicated family dynamics over the years. She then answers a few questions of the week and goes deep on how to handle friends who constantly pressure you to drink and how to know when it’s a healthy amount of doubt or when you’re just in the wrong relationship. Enjoy!
Chapter 1: What big change is Alex celebrating this Christmas?
And I figured since they're selling it, this would be our last Christmas to all come together and do one last big hurrah in Pennsylvania together. So Matt and I are bringing the dogs. Me, Matt, Henry, and Bruce are going to, first we're starting our Christmas in New York City. And we decided, because my sister lives in New York City, we decided let's do a little New York part one of Christmas.
Because let's be real, there's not much to do in Pennsylvania. As much as it's emotionally incredible to go back, you need a good 48 hours and then you can bounce out. Because there's not much to look around at except for the grass and the dead trees. So we're going to go to some plays in New York tonight.
Chapter 2: What does losing her childhood home mean to Alex?
We are kind of at that point in my family where we don't really give each other gifts anymore. But we did decide to just make it fun so people have something to open on Christmas. We're going to do a Pollyanna for my family. And so everyone had to pick someone that they're going to get. We're keeping the gifts under $100 to $200. And everyone is going to...
try to go all out for someone and everyone's got someone. By this time I can say it. I have my sister. I have no fucking idea. Wait, do I have my sister or my mom? Wait, no. Cause I know Matt has, no, Matt has, no, Matt has my sister. I have my mom. Cause every single person in my family was like, I hope Matt gets me because Matt gives the best gifts.
My mom was like, Matt, maybe figure out how you can get my name. Cause she's like, I want a Jenny Kane cashmere sweater on from Matt Kaplan under the mistletoe, okay? Sorry, mom, I have you this year. So we all are gonna do Pollyanna and we're gonna hang out in the city. We're gonna go see some plays. We're gonna go eat. We're gonna drink. We're gonna go see the tree at Rockefeller Center.
And we're just gonna have a time in New York City. There is nothing better than New York City during Christmas time. It is like the most magical place in the world. If you've never gone, I mean, it is like something to put on the books if you can ever make it happen. Of course, it's crowded. Of course, people are stressed and cold, but that's what makes it even better.
The shoving, getting punched in the face. Merry Christmas after you get slapped silly like it is just so New York to a T. So we're doing all of that. And then on Christmas Eve, we are fleeing the city and we are going back to Newtown, Pennsylvania. And Matt and I have already put in our food request.
My dad is the chef in our family and he makes the most incredible rack of lambs with this like mustard gravy sauce. So we have requested Brian hit the kitchen, Lori hit the booze, and my siblings and I and Matt and everyone will just be cozied up while my dad cooks for us. There is a chance that we go to church. I'm not a religious person at this point in my life.
Like I believe there's a God up there. I'm not atheist, but like I wouldn't say I'm as religious as I used to be, but I pray to my God above. But I felt like because it's Jesus's birthday, maybe we should go and hit up the church and go. And like one last time again, like St. Andrew Church was my church growing up. And so I think I'm gonna force Matt to come to church with me.
But then on Christmas day, We'll open our Pollyanna and we will sing our carols. And my mom will try to make pancakes and she'll burn down the house. My mother, every, so here's the thing I take after my mom, like my mom can barely use a microwave. And although she's very good with the microwave, like that's where it starts and stops in our household. My mom does not cook.
And every single year, for some fucking reason, my mother thinks in order to be like the Susie homemaker that she wants it to be, she tries to cook all on Christmas morning. It is so insane. One year she made this egg casserole and all of us were shitting and throwing up our pants because we got food poisoning from her egg casserole. And I was like, mom, we're blowing out all the bathrooms.
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Chapter 3: How did Alex surprise her parents with a new house?
Hey Alex, I'm a sophomore in college and all of my friends like to go out, but I'm not a big drinker. I feel like I'm also getting judged for not drinking. How do I still have a good time without drinking? Oh my gosh. I mean, this is like, I think this spans beyond college. I think the advice I'm going to give, and again, I'm not like a savant with this situation.
Like I do socially drink, but if I put myself in your situation, I do think this can be applicable to anyone, not just people in college. However, I do recognize that in college, you are definitely drinking maybe more in saturated environments and also in a way that is more socially...
grouped up in and like it's not so much like a dinner or drinks with a friend it's like everyone is looking at everyone and everyone is aware of what everyone's doing in college and everyone is in everyone's business so everyone knows who drinks and who doesn't drink so I'm sorry that first of all you feel uncomfortable or you feel like you're being judged because you should never ever ever ever feel judged for doing something that you don't want to do
If you don't want to drink, you should not drink. And I know, again, it's easier said than done because peer pressure is a real fucking thing. I feel like when you hear peer pressure, you think like middle school and high school. No, this shit goes through fucking adulthood. I'm sure this affects moms. This affects like relationships. Like it's all over. So I'm sorry that you're handling that.
Number two, you should never feel judged or insecure about something that you don't want to do, especially when it involves putting something in your body that is not healthy. So if people are doing drugs and they look at you and they're like, oh, like she's not down or it's a drink and they're like, why the fuck isn't she drinking? I think the people that are so consumed or
with if other people are drinking or not are really fucking weird. I cannot relate to being like, why the fuck aren't you drinking tonight? Why does my intoxication level at all impact you?
Now for sure I can see if there's someone that's like you're so judgy when you're sober and you're judging all of us yeah but I feel like that's like rare and if they are then like don't be friends with someone that's like fucking judging your decisions but if you're just someone there that's trying to have a good time and everyone is fucking nagging on you or there are specific people that are nagging on you this is my advice.
And I don't know if this is like playing into it but there are just some social things that you can easily do that like I'm not this isn't groundbreaking information but number one I think no matter what you can always have a drink in your hand so that immediately will just like block people from asking if they can get you a drink because sometimes we can give people the benefit of the doubt like.
I bet a lot of times someone is literally just coming up to you to be like, can I get you a drink? Because they're trying to be either the hostess with the mostest or they're just trying to be a good friend or like socially that's an in. Like a lot of times I think when it comes to flirting socially, a huge opportunity is going up to a woman and offering to buy her a drink, right?
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Chapter 4: What are Alex's tips for handling peer pressure to drink?
Does he look at you and genuinely vouch for you and respect you and speak about women in a way that you feel like, well, because if he doesn't respect women, then he doesn't respect you. How the fuck is he going to, you know what I mean? And again, everyone has a different barometer. I think I have maybe a heightened barometer. sometimes I, I don't know.
Chapter 5: How can you have fun without drinking?
Chapter 6: What advice does Alex give for maintaining healthy relationships?
being as individualized thinking in moments, it still feels like it is because you know your partner wants the same and the best for you and you want the best for them. So it's kind of like you're just less alone in this life. Like you can still maintain that autonomy over your decisions. Like Matt is many times is always like, what do you think? Like you tell me, like you're
it's your choice and I know you'll make the right choice for us. And I do the same to him. And of course we make a lot of decisions together, but there's this safety and security of like, this person is in it till the end with me and we're doing this together.
And so when you're making that life choice, I just urge you daddy gang, like to think about it from the standpoint of, do you feel like the person that you're dating is someone that you can look at
in 20 years and be like they respect me and they see me and they know me and they love me and all of my flaws and all of my issues and if anything half of my flaws they think are attractive and they love and they want the best for me and they're always going to be there
I know that's deep but like I have friends that have kids and and they're like fuck he's nowhere to be found and I guess I kind of saw it because like he was always kind of like I was kind of always the one that was picking up the this and the that and like again I'm just using kids as an example because it's like the easiest example but there is the immediate excitement of life
And then there is the realistic side of life. Right. And it's the planning and it's the accepting that it's not always going to be sexy and hot and fun and wild. And sometimes it's going to be really fucking hard. And who do you want to go through the worst times in life with? It's easy to have a good fucking time with someone like it is easy to
But when you are struggling, when you are financially stressed, when you are health stressed, when you are as a woman going through it hormonally or medically, like do you have a partner? And if I'm just speaking because I'm in a hetero relationship, like if you're in a hetero relationship, like does your partner respect women?
Does he look at you and genuinely vouch for you and respect you and speak about women in a way that you feel like, well, because if he doesn't respect women, then he doesn't respect you. How the fuck is he going to, you know what I mean? And again, everyone has a different barometer. I think I have maybe a heightened barometer. sometimes I, I don't know.
I think everyone has a different barometer of what's important to them, but you need to do, I guess my question, sorry. I'm like, this is our whole fucking episode, but I didn't know this was going to go in this direction, but I do think it's an important conversation. Daddy gang. I'm like, do you know what you want? And I think,
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